The Top 10 Powerful Bald White Guys (PBWGs) of 2022
This list is dedicated to the late radio host Austin Hill. He was a great guy who left us far too soon. He loved this list and gave it more attention than it ever deserved. May he never be forgotten.
This list was inspired by Dann Florek, who played Police Captain Donald Cragen on the “Law & Order” franchises for a couple decades.
A lot of people did not make the list. Joe Biden is ineligible until he admits his baldness and stops hiding behind hair plugs. Vladimir Putin is ineligible because he is a ruthless killer and I do not wish to die. If he asks, I think he has lovely hair. Jeff Bezos is the richest man in the world, but he is no longer the CEO of Amazon. Being rich is not the same as being powerful. Bring powerful requires doing things. He seems either bored or retired.
Many PBWGs are just retiring, from outgoing Maryland Governor Larry Hogan to outgoing Vermont Senator Patrick Leahy. Even the chairman of the federal reserve is now a guy with good hair.
With that, here are the Top 10 Powerful Bald White Guys (PBWGs) of 2022.
10.) Sam Brinton — He is either transgender, gender fluid, or some other description of himself. He wears lipstick and attempts to look female. Because he lacked useful job skills and filled a token liberal quota, the Biden administration hired him to oversee America’s nuclear program. Brinton supporters are part of an unhealthy group of people who believe a person’s sexuality is an accomplishment rather than a state of being. The rainbow-colored halo around Brinton’s head faded when he was caught stealing airport luggage from other passengers. This is not a gay or straight thing. It’s a criminal thing. He may go to jail. He may ask to be placed in a women’s prison. One look at his mugshot shows an angry bald white male. Brinton would rank higher but he has left the Biden administration.
10.) Noah Oppenheim — The push for diversity and equity has allowed talentless PBWGs to be replaced with equally talentless minorities. Wokeness is in direct conflict with competence and qualifications. ABC, CBS, CNN and MSNBC all replaced their PBWGs. Even at the competent Fox News, there is no PBWG in charge. Only one major news network keeps preaching diversity for others but not themselves. NBC News President Noah Oppenheim is a relic of a bygone era. He may deeply believe in social justice as long as he can still reign supreme over others. He has no intention of stepping down and giving an oppressed minority a chance. He is the last PBWG news honcho holdout.
9.) Rupert Murdoch — He is the chairman of News Corp.,, which owns Fox News, the New York Post and the Wall Street Journal. Yet he installed a woman as President of Fox News. The reason he Unlike Oppenheim, Murdoch has actually tried to step down. The problem is the younger generation of Murdochs lack their father’s talents. Son James in particular is a black sheep of the family, which does not count as diversity. At age 92, Murdoch knows his career in its twilight. Yet he is still the longest lasting PWBG in the history of media.
8.) Joe Rogan — He was once a part of an ensemble sitcom called “Newsradio.” Now he is the king of the news on the radio. He has the top podcast. Although many people still do not know or care what a podcast is, many people do. Rogan is not political, but he asks serious questions of political figures that the mainstream media refuses to ask. He is a professional comedian, yet his program can be very serious. Most importantly, he frequently turns out to be right by proving the experts wrong. He has become a champion for free speech and giving a voice to the voiceless. The cancel culture failed to cancel him. Society at large is better for this.
7.) David M. Solomon — Normally the Head Sled at Golden Sachs is the top PBWG because Goldman Sachs runs the world. Goldman Sachs has a history of flitting in between corporate power and government power. Jon Corzine, Hank Paulson, and Lloyd Blankfein are all former Goldman Sachs PBWG top dogs. Solomon may own the top spot in future years, but it’s tough to win out in tough economic times and war raging across the world. Goldman Sachs is laying off thousands of workers. The company will be fine, but the anti-Wall Street climate makes it tough for Goldman Sachs to have its usual level of undue influence over the government.
6.) Bernie Sanders — Democrats have gone out of their way to deny the Vermont Senator the Democrat presidential nomination. Yet as the Biden administration flails, fails and flounders, the Bernie supporters are as emboldened as ever. There is simply nobody else to replace him as the leader of his movement. Liz Warren is angry, repulsive and frumpy. The Bernie bots talk about AOC, but they know that is unrealistic. While critics dismiss the idea of a third Bernie presidential run, he has repeatedly confounded expectations. The one advantage Bernie has over Biden is the ability to speak English in full sentences.
4.) Mark Kelly — The Arizona Senator got elected due to a wellspring of sympathy in the wake of his wife being shot. His record is one of uselessness, yet he keeps winning by hiding his beliefs. He is for everything that is popular until the political winds change. He is actually a hardcore leftist, but he has to pretend to be against open borders. He has mastered the art of asking for help securing the border and then not following up. He hopes that in good time Americans will forget about the pesky border problem and all the fentanyl deaths. He has perfected the art of middle management. Say nothing, have nobody realize you’re in charge, and collect a paycheck. This is much easier than being an astronaut.
John Fetterman — This rich white leftist spent his entire life doing hard drugs and leeching off of his parents. Like most failures, he became a hardcore leftist virtue-signaler. After a failed stint as a small-town mayor, he decided to fail upward by having his family buy him a Senate seat. Despite suffering a stroke that rendered him incoherent, he insisted on staying in the race. His wife seemed to care more about power than his health. While the Pennsylvania Democrat running for Governor coasted to a 17 point win, Fetterman eked out a one point win over a Republican celebrity with few known core beliefs. Fetterman won by refusing to campaign. He adopted the Joe Biden strategy of hiding in his basement. Now he has six years to get paid without doing any real work. He shows up everywhere in t-shirts and shorts, because rich white leftists believe looking like a bum is the same thing as identifying with people who are struggling. This lazy man of zero accomplishments moralizes to everyone else. Yet despite having no skills, he will have plenty of power in the coming years.
Rachel Levine — The United States Assistant Secretary of Health keeps insisting that she is female. She has never been singer Adam Levine, but she was born Richard Levine. Richard Levine married a woman and had children, but became a female in 2011. Nevertheless, Levine has won award in multiple genders. USA named her a woman of the year, but the Babylon Bee satire site named her man of the year. Levine’s power goes beyond people not knowing what he or she is. It comes from people not knowing from what Levine does. Her job involves health, but there is nothing about Levine that screams health from a physical or emotional standpoint. She is a token diversity hire in keeping with the Biden tradition of hiring the 1st diverse unqualified incompetent person they can find. PBWGs are boring. Making her a woman is supposed to make her fascinating, but her speeches are quite dull. He and she have both come under fire for publicly recommending that children be encouraged to transition without parental consent. She is against the term “groomer” despite the shoe fitting perfectly for any person of any gender harming children in this manner. This is what happens when political ideology is put above basic human sanity and decency. Unlike Sam Brinton, Levine has managed to avoid committing fireable offenses.
Yet if there is confusion for the PBWG award because of Levine’s gender, our top spot offers confusion based on race.
Alejandro Mayorkas _ The Secretary of Homeland Security is deeply committed to an open border. If you like fentanyl killing Americans, thank Mayorkas. He knows what gender he is, but some claim he is ineligible to be a PBWG. He is Hispanic, not Caucasian. He was born in Havana, Cuba, and seems to lie the Fidel Castro authoritarian system. Yet thanks to the Goerge Zimmerman trial, a new category of people was invented by the liberal media called “white Hispanic.” Nobody knows what this means. It is as useless outside woke leftists circles as LatinX (no relation to Malcolm X). Mayorkas is one of the most powerful officials in all of government. He receives huge sums of money to defy congressional orders implementing his boss’s illegal open border agenda. In the spirit of diversity and multiculturalism, it seems unfair to deny this gleaming cueball his due. He has earned the top spot through a hard lack of real work. By being good at nothing, bad at everything, and highly compensated, the over-powerful anti-border Mayorkas is living the American dream. Only in America can someone who hates America conquer it from within without facing consequences.
For being above the law and flouting that power every single day, Alejandro Mayorkas is the Top Powerful Bald White Guy of 2022
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