Dick Cheney and the Wyoming Jewish Cabal

When Dick Cheney was asked about his unwavering (and appreciated by everyone except Jewish liberals) support for Israel, he offered one of his finest deadpanned responses. He stated “You cannot become President without winning Wyoming, and you cannot win Wyoming without the Jewish vote.”

The stereotype of the Bush-Cheney leadership is that President Bush is controlled by a cabal of “neocons,” which is code word for “Jews” (The bad kind, not the Barbra Streisand kind). So let’s see how this conspiracy works. George W. Bush, who got elected Governor of Texas, is not Jewish, and has never needed Jewish support. This is reconciled with the fact that he supposedly takes his marching orders from Dick Cheney, the Rasputin in hiding. Dick Cheney is not Jewish, and while Wyoming does have a larger concentration of Jews than say…Libya perhaps…it is not going to be mistaken for little Israel. This is then explained by Dick Cheney taking orders from his subordinate, the former secretary of defense Donald Rumsfeld. Donald Rumsfeld is not Jewish, nor was his former boss Gerald Ford. Donald Rumsfeld gets his influence from his assistant defense secretary Paul Wolfowitz! Further down the line is Douglas Feith! Shazamm! There truly are 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon. So when Ronald Reagan spoke about the domino theory, this is what liberals thought he meant. Beware of a Wolf in Feith’s clothing! The Jewish neocons are infecting the President through Vice President Cheney.

Now Bill Clinton can be considered the first black president, but…and let me say this slowly…he…is…caucasian. It is not racist to judge a man’s race by the color of his skin. Race is about pigmentation. However, despite being white, Bill Clinton can identify with black causes based on his experiences and beliefs. Therefore, George W. Bush and Dick Cheney can be Pro-Israel and supportive of Jewish causes without being slaves to a Jewish cabal. Experiences and beliefs make these views understandable.

One explanation for conservative support of the Jews and Israel is the nonsensical notion that all Christians want to convert all the Jews. Jesus will be resurrected, we will all worship him, and we will all live happily ever after. While this theory does reduce all Christians to unenlightened, intolerant bigots (as opposed to the enlightened, tolerant bigots on the left), if President Bush and Vice President Cheney truly had the power of Jesus, couldn’t they just get Jesus to make the anti-semites stop? Heck, Sean Hannity can’t even get Jesus to get Alan Colmes to straighten up and fly right, or at least fly less left. (I am not claiming Alan Colmes is an anti-semite, or even a self-hating Jew. He is just awful on Jewish issues.)

President Bush is an evangelical. Being an evangelical does not make one a zealot. It makes one a believer in Jesus, who teaches his disciples to do good deeds, and choose right from wrong. Wow…sinister stuff, that evangelical movement. Next thing you know they might preach blasphemy such as helping the poor, quitting drugs, and loving your neighbor.

So why do men who have nothing to gain electorally support Israel? For the one reason that the left will never be able to accept, because it would obliterate their view of the Veep and the Dub…Dick Cheney and George W. Bush “get it.”

That’s it. Plain and simple. They get it. Starting at the top, George W. Bush visited Israel while Governor of Texas. He went to the Wailing Wall with Ariel Sharon. When he saw the stretch of land, and how small Israel is, he replied to Ari Fleischer (who is Jewish, which is why he led the neocon cabal by having Bush speak for him) “They’ve got driveways bigger than this in Texas.”

The size of Israel is small, but not as small as the argument for an evenhanded approach to the Arab-Israeli conflict, especially where the Palestinians are considered. The two  sides are not equal. Many Christians, and Jews (even some liberal Jews) grasp that Israel is a democracy that wants peace, whereas the Arabs want to destroy Israel, with the Palestinians being a society of homicidal lunatics. There are Palestinian moderates, which are basically defined as those who wholeheartedly support homicidal lunacy, but are too poor to pay for ammunition and have given up all their children already. They do not actively destroy Israel, but polls insist they wish they could.

Forgetting momentarily that Palestinians are a fictional, invented people with a deep history running almost 60 years (only a few thousand behind the Israelites), what they really are is the worst of the Arabs. The reason that 23 Arab states refuse to help them is because they know what most rational people know…the Palestinians are troublemakers, agitators and bloodthirsty criminals, even worse than students at Berkeley. How many countries do they have to get thrown out of before people see they are troublemakers? When Robin Williams joked about Michael Jackson, he stated “You know the guy is far gone when Al Sharpton is standing there going, ‘Hey man, I don’t want any part of this guy.'” This is how Arabs view Palestinians. Think about it. How crazy do you have to be to have Arabs not want to deal with you? How wacked-out, out of your mind nuts do you have to be as a people to be too crazy for Arabs? Too crazy for Arabs to deal with means any rational person finds them over the cliff of sanity. Some people claim if Palestinians were given hope, they would stop committing murder. How about they stop committing murder first? They have yet to try this approach.

So Palestinian lunatics funded by Arab terrorists kill innocent Israelis/Jews. The Jews are the good guys, and their enemies are the bad guys. It is that black and white. Rational people get this. So does President Bush.  While this ruins the image of Bush as a dolt, it is perfectly logical to conclude that the President grasps a concept that almost everyone  against genocide grasps.

Now all powerful conservatives have to be seen as either stupid or evil (President Bush is seen as both, proving the logical flow that only enlightened liberals fresh from their 1960s style drug induced hazes could reconcile). Since even the most hateful of those on the left cannot claim that Dick Cheney is unintelligent, he gets the evil card. He is not even an evangelical, but perhaps President Bush does rule over Cheney and give him marching orders to secretly be one. Cheney is evil for other reasons that liberals are still coming up with. There must be a sinister motive for his supporting Israel, because if he were to support the good guys, as most people do, then he might be a good guy himself. This realization could lead to mass suicides on Ivy League Campuses (I do not endorse suicide, but perhaps they might disable their own jaws for a few days, forcing them to listen to opposing viewpoints).

What scares the left even more is that there might be other issues where the President and Vice President are right. Come to think of it, on most issues they are right. This means that their critics are wrong on issue after issue.

Jews are good people. We pray for peace. We want to make the world a better place. Israel is a peaceful nation that wants peace. So let me explain it to Israel’s enemies and anti-semites everywhere. I get it. You don’t like us. Guess what. Deal with it. We are here to stay. You start wars, we finish them. We win, you lose. We pray for peace, but there are too many people that confuse kindness for weakness. You don’t get it…but you will…one way or another. Either way is fine with me.

Most people get it. President Bush gets it. Israel’s fight for survival is a perfect corollary to America’s war on terror. The enemies are the same, and the fight is equally just for the USA and Israel. Presidents choose people based on their values. The President’s goal of a better world was enhanced by the fabulous Vice Presidential choice of Dick Cheney.

Besides, if Dick Cheney was truly under the spell of a Jewish cabal, he would overanalyze the problem, dither in an attempt to be liked by his enemies, and like most Jews, wring his hands and blame himself, at least partially. His refusal to try and understand his critics and give them legitimacy while singing kumbaya proves that he is influenced not by (liberal) Jews, but the best friends Jews have…conservative Christians.

Somehow, Dick Cheney overcame the powerful Jewish lobby and got elected in Wyoming, which as we all know is essential to getting to Air Force 2.  Or maybe Dick Cheney supports Israel because he just gets it.


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