Burn Gaza Burn…Disco Inferno

Burn Gaza Burn…Disco Inferno…Burn Gaza Burn…Disco Inferno…

I am not sure what is worse…the fact that I am delighted by the carnage in the Gaza Strip, or the fact that I just quoted disco. I profusely apologize for the latter. Thanks to this Middle East inferno, I actually remembered the lyrics to that Thelma Houston song that was sung in the movie Studio 54.

“Baby…My heart is burning like a ketushah rocket for you.”

It actually does tie in together. Mike Myers played the main villain in that movie, and also was Dr. Evil, who like the leaders of Hamas, are just misunderstood children that want to love and be loved.

Ummmm…no. Genocidal lunatics are killing each other, and frankly, the timing could not be better. With hockey and basketball done, and football not until September, the only thing to do is enjoy a nice summer of love. Like Jan and Dean, those crazy Gaza kids “are out there having fun…in that scorched Earth Gaza sun.”

The main reason this trivial matter is treated as such is because unfortunately, it has taken comedians to offer hard nosed and hard edged common sense this week, while politicians were busy clowning around.

Dennis Miller, who I confess to not usually being a fan of (it is hard to almost singlehandedly destroy Monday Night Football), nailed it perfectly in discussing the differences between the political parties. “Democrats are worried about the Earth. Republicans are too busy worrying about the World.” Translation for the intellectually impaired…global warming is an abstract concept that may or may not happen one day in the future. Islamofacism has been happening for three decades, and must be dealt with right now.

Dennis Leary, refusing to be the second best Dennis this week, took on the concept of Bush Derangement Syndrome. “President Bush is supposedly not smart enough to end the Iraq War, but he was smart enough to conspire to create 9/11.” As I have pointed out, liberals need every successful conservative to be either evil or imbecilic, and their inability to decide on President Bush has led them to declare he is both.

Before returning to the glorious age of disco (God help us all), I want to give you a pop culture reference…the current television show “Scrubs.” This show is fabulous not just because Zach Braff reminds me of my alter ego, “El Dorko,” but because a brilliantly and wickedly funny character named Dr. Perry Cox, when confronted with this young fellow (after one of his sweet but effeminate comments) said to him, “I am going to write you a prescription…for a brand new…pair of…testicles.”

Yes folks, that message was given in real life by Tony Blair, and hopefully it will be delivered to republicans everywhere. We could give it to the democrats as well, but the mommy party would probably prefer Vagina Monologues tickets. Dear republicans…grow a pair. Instead of being put on the defensive for making the wrong decision, how about pounding the table with clenched fists and reaffirming that the Iraq War was right then, and is right now. Those who hate you will be unchanged, but those who like you will be happy that you had a gonads transplant. You cannot win everybody over, but your lack of spine is demoralizing your supporters. Thank you to Mr. Tony Blair for reminding us what is at stake. So what if he is being forced out over the war? Winston Churchill was fired after World War II, and he is still one of the all time greats. Abraham Lincoln and Ronald Reagan were ridiculed as well. History will vindicate those who never wavered about this war. Why should they? We are right.

There is a time for negotiation (the Russians in the 1980s), a time for overwhelming brute force (Afghanistan, Iraq, and hopefully Syria very soon), and there is a time to say “Screw it. Who cares? (Gaza…now and forever)”

Despite Gaza being Hotter than Hot Chocolate (I believe in Miracles…where ya from…you sexy thang), no amount of stripper poles and blacklights will be able to put a bow tie on this pig of an area. Heck, Gaza people (not citizens, just people) are trying to flee to Israel for safety. Are you kidding me? Aren’t Jews the enemy, and the cause of all these Gaza problems? I mean once the Jews get out, Gaza will be a land of peace.

“Palestinians of Hamas…and Fatah…join hands…start a love train…love train.” When The O’Jays sang that song, Palestinians were killing everyone around them, and as Hall and Oates did the remake, nothing had changed (and no, Earth Girls are not Easy).

“It’s just an old fashioned death song…whether it’s Hamas or it’s Fatah…It’s just an old fashioned death song…nothings changed since Oslo ’93 (or the 7th century for that matter).”

To bring everything full circle, the song Disco Inferno was in the bowling movie Kingpin, with a brilliant cameo by Bill Murray. Camper Van Beethoven once sang a bizarre song called “Take the Skinheads Bowling.” As bizarre as it was, the point was that if people just took up hobbies, war and fighting would stop. So if we turn Iran and Syria into 50,000 hole golf courses, with miniature golf as well, Gaza can be one giant bowling alley, with Palestinian leaders Fatah and Hamas representing both gutters. How appropriate. We can even drill holes in the Palestinian leaders’ heads so that they can be used as bowling balls.

Why bowling? For anyone who has ever gone “cosmic bowling,” it is a lot of fun. That is where there are swirling disco lights and loud music, often disco music, playing in the background. It is like trying to bowl blind. Given that Palestinian leaders in Hamas and Fatah are blind (as well as deaf and dumb come to think of it) to their constituents’ concerns, I think cosmic bowling should be the official sport of Palestinian lunatics everywhere.

To torture them (yes, another reason to support torture), we should pipe Israeli music over the loudspeakers. Perhaps those old Yeshivah kids from the 1980s, the Beasty Boys, should be played. Given how ill Palestinians make me (and the rest of the civilized world), the album “Licensed to Ill,” should be the official Palestinian Cosmic Bowling Album.

Then again, one cannot go wrong with Disco. So as I watch Gaza, all I can think is…

“Upside down…boy Gaza you burn me…inside out…and into the ground…”

“Gaza you can do it, take the time, burn it right, you can kill all day, and burn all night.”

Ok, off to watch Palestinian Porn videos…Nothing like “Debbie does the Gaza Strip.”


2 Responses to “Burn Gaza Burn…Disco Inferno”

  1. Gayle says:

    “Debbie does the Gaza Strip.” LOL! You’re a riot! :)

    I think that Israel ought to take back the Gaza strip and we ought to back them to the hilt. Clear out all the b*stards there and let Israel reclaim their land. The business people have all left, and so have the middle class who can afford to leave. The only people left are those who are either to poor to leave or they are murderous thugs. I feel for those who are to poor to leave, but not enough to say that Israel shouldn’t take back what is rightfully theirs. If that makes me a warmonger to some, then so be it! Also, to hell with the UN.

  2. Courtney says:

    Your comments make me want to cry. Eric and Gayle, you are both sick! Remember history. Don’t let the oppressed become the oppressors.

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