Hal Levine 2008–Terrorists and liberals still frightening me

Happy Hal Levine everybody. I do love the Jewish holiday season.

The Chicago Cannonball got into town last night. We will be attending the freak show in West Hollywood, followed by an awesome after party. I will be dressed as a criminal, and she will be dressed as a hot lady police officer. Yes, I am one lucky man.

Before getting to what frightens me in this life, below is my 2007 Hal Levine column.


Now I offer you some music dedications.

The Monster Mash–It was a graveyard smash, and it is dedicated to anti-Semite and former Barack Obama adviser Samantha Power. Her hostility towards Israel did not get her kicked off the campaign trail, but calling Hillary Clinton a monster did. At least regarding her anti-Semitism and her anti-Hillarydom, she was honest.

Dead Man’s Party–Who could ask for more, Oingo Boingo fans? This has to be dedicated to the republicans. I am a proud republican, but we had better get revived ina  hurry or it will be a frighteng socialistic nation. John McCain, you are showing signs of life. Step it up.

Once Bitten, Twice Shy–For all of you Great White Fans out there, I dedicate that song to the American people who decided that one Clinton was more than enough. The were not going to try another one that was twice as scary as the first one.

Eat the Rich–Aerosmith lives on, and rocker guitarist Joe Perry has announced that he has always been a  republican. So not only is there a republican in Boston, but it is one of the coolest guys on Earth. I dedicated “Eat the Rich,” to billionaire leftists like Barbra Streisand, Jane Fonda, and Susan Sarandon, who love to bash rich people for some hypocritical reason, most likely self loathing.

As for the top 5 things that frighten me (oh you try to come up with 10 things when your girlfriend is looking lovely and ready for stuff I will not say in a family blog!):

5) People stealing my money, or as liberals call it, “fairness.” My friend Jonathan Hoenig wrote a brilliant column about this subject. He is the head sled at Capitalist Pig Asset Management. He is a proud Capitalist Pig and so am I.



4) Angry feminists, as if that is not redundant. I refuse to link to the Hillary Clinton website, but trust me…she is one scary woman. No wonder Bubba sleeps with one eye open.

3) The Axis of Anti-Semitism, aka the Daily Kos, Huffington Post, and Moveon.org. I am sure there are more frighteningly dreadful human beings elsewhere, but this is where the undead gather together to drink the blood of republicans, Jews, and other enemies they need to cleanse their tainted souls with. Unfortunately, unlike most Ghouls, come November 1st these monsters will still exist.

2) Terrorists. Yes, despite what liberals tell you, they still exist. Now liberals may get confused, and think that I am referring to George W. Bush. No, that would only be valid if you belong to the evil ghastly groups listed above. Terrorists want to kill us, and Barack Obama has a plan. He will ask them nicely to stop. Besides, while he himself is not a terrorist, or even a hateful scary creature, he sure does have many of them as former official advisers.

Rashid Khalidi is a terrorist. Some argue this point by saying that Khalidi is a respected professor at Columbia. “Respected Professor at Columbia” is like “Tough Diplomacy” or “Jews for Jesus.” It is contradictory. If you despise Israel and the United States, and are willing to have Armageddonijad at your school but not ROTC, than you are qualified to work at Columbia and little else.



The only job less prestigious is to be an editor for some rag magazine like the Los Angeles Times. Every day is Halloween for the Western version of Al Jazeera. The smell of the night is not old pumpkins or corpses come to life…it is the Los Angeles Time laying in its own rancid filth.

I wish we could relocate the Los Angeles Times building to Seattle, which would be happy to accept their smugness.

Yet as much as I am terrified of an Obama Presidency since it would destroy virtually everything that is good and decent in this world, one thing still frightens me more on this Halloween. For the 20th year in a row…

1) Bea Arthur naked. Yes folks, the movie “Airheads,” remains one of the greatest movies ever made, behind “Deuce Bigalow” and a couple of other movies cheated out of Oscars.

Is it that wrong for a guy to believe in family values, while watching the video “Golden Showers With the Golden Girls” on a Friday night?

Ok, perhaps it is.

I wish you all many treats, and no more tricks. That means Barack Obama needs to stop lying about everything from his tax plan to…well virtually everything else actually.

I may wake up to a liberal nightmare on November 5th. So I guess by comparison, October 31st will be tame, safe, and moderately sane.

Happy Hal Levine everybody!


7 Responses to “Hal Levine 2008–Terrorists and liberals still frightening me”

  1. Micky 2 says:

    West Hollywood ?

    Just make sure to check your treats for fuzzy brownies.
    And throw out all non factory sealed candies.
    You might end up trying to fly off of Westwood one.

  2. That Samatha Power harbors “hostility towards Israel” is news to me. Where’d you get that from?

    People are steaing your money? Who?

    Feminists are “angry” and “scare” you? Have you tried Viagra?

    Liberal organizations are anti-semitic?

    Rashid Khalidi is a terrorist?

    I’ll tell you what scares me – the severe paranoid dellusions of the far right! I hope you guys aren’t armed!


  3. Micky 2 says:

    “That Samatha Power harbors “hostility towards Israel” is news to me. Where’d you get that from?”

    Wise up and stop trying to sweep the obvious under the rug.
    Its a commonly known fact that Samantha Power hates Jews. She wants to spend billions on Palestinian military strength, instead of helping the Israel to defend itself. About seven months after 9/11, when we all knew how dangerous radical Islamist groupswere, Powers wanted to send them money and stop funding Israeli efforts to fight them. This ougta give you some insight into Obamas foriegn policies.
    Funny isnt it ?
    Obama always seems to have contact with those who are udoubtedly railing against Jews.

    “People are steaing your money? Who?”

    If I’m correct, Eric says its all in Johnathan Hoenigs book.

    “Feminists are “angry” and “scare” you? Have you tried Viagra? ”

    Jersey, you said you were a feminist. Should someone take Viagra in your precense ?

    “Liberal organizations are anti-semitic?”

    DUH… YEA!!!!

    “Rashid Khalidi is a terrorist?”

    When you pump a bunch of funds and support into terrorist organizations you most definitly are by proxy or otherwise

    “Have you sought help? You might have PPD. I think they have quality therapy and medications for that.”

    I’m sick and tired of you going after good sane peoples intelligence and mental status.
    Its weak and pathetic. I’m a man of few words when people talk to me like that. Only because its those idiots that dont understand meaningful words if they heard them anyway.

    I’m a professional in take downs.

    “’ll tell you what scares me – the severe paranoid dellusions of the far right! I hope you guys aren’t armed! ”

    Wise up, were armed bitter Bible/Torah toting conservatives.

  4. Laree says:

    Master wants to know what is on our minds, these strange days.


  5. Laree says:

    Happy Halloween Everyone.

    Somebody has gone off script, somebodies have left the reservation.


  6. huh, I could have sworn I posted something else here…


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