Evan Sayet–Jewish, Republican, and Certifiable

I had the pleasure again of seeing Evan Sayet perform at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood.


I have come to the conclusion that what makes him such a great comedian is that he is clinically insane. He is downright certifiable. I mean this as a compliment. After all, he likes me, and the scientists still have not figured me out yet.

I drop by voluntarily to their facilities to get “evaluations.” After all, what guy doesn’t enjoy a good amount of poking and prodding once in awhile?

Anyway, this is about Evan’s medical issues, not mine. Some of his lunacy is below.

“It’s great to be among my people who cling to their guns and religion. I still cling to my guns and religion. Except now I own two guns and cling even harder.”

“Republicans are not right about everything. Democrats are just wrong about everything.”

“Obama did not bow before the Saudi king. The teleprompter just fell over.”

“Nancy Pelosi is so partisan that she wants to change the name of the San Andreas Fault to ‘It’s all George W. Bush’s fault.'”

“Janine Garofalo hates conservatives. She solved that problem. Now she works on ’24.'”

“I watched Larry King the other day. People who watch Larry King want to see that Steve Lawrence and Edie Gourmet are still alive.”

“Watching Larry King is like watching NASCAR. They just go around and around in circles, and at any moment, somebody could die.”

“The economy is so tough, that even Barack Obama is cutting back on staff. He just laid off 14 New York Times reporters.”

“The New York Times can build up good will by personally visiting the home of every single subscriber. Actually, every day that is getting easier to do.”

“Air America is receiving money from George Soros. Air America is so liberal, that they are now on welfare.”

“Some people are xenophobic, and some people are homophobic. After watching his movie, I am now Al Goreophobic.”

“Nobody should own a gun if they have a criminal record, a psychiatric record, or a Barbara Streisand record.”

(Somebody in the audience yelled out, “a congressional record!”)

“I like making fun of Catholics. They have to forgive me.”

“We can’t have national health care in the United States. If we did, where would Canadians go to see the doctor?”

“Nancy Pelosi said that war is not the answer. Botox is.”

“Liberals do not even care that they contradict themselves. We went to Iraq so that we could steal their oil. Also, we pay too much for the oil.”

“George W. Bush is the dumbest man on the planet. So how did he get the Democrats to support the Iraq War? Simple. He fooled them all.”

“I went to such a small school that our debate team was a schizophrenic.”

“We have it so good in America. It used to be that when a baby cried, it was a risk of polio. Now the baby cries and we test it for restless leg syndrome. There is nothing to complain about.”

“The Arabs have tried to destroy the Jews since the beginning of their existence. Jews don’t care about ancient rivalries. We care about the humidity.”

“We keep being told by our enemies that Jews are the offspring of pigs and monkeys. What I want to know is why PETA is not on our side.”

“Radical Muslims think that will reach paradise when they blow themselves up. 72 virgins is not paradise. It’s a meeting of NOW.”

“President Obama now calls terrorists acts man made disasters. We can now refer to President Obama as a Kenyan made disaster.”

“Barack Obama returned a bust of Winston Churchill back to England. He would have kept the bust if it was Ward Churchill.”

“Barack Obama is getting others to pay for my mortgage on my house. The problem is by the time he is done, I won’t be able to afford a car or a house.”

“Gloria Gaynor once wrote ‘I will survive.’ Whatever happened to her?”

“Rosie O’Donnell said that the 9/11 attacks were an inside job because ‘never before has fire melted steel.’ Fire does melt steel. Has she ever heard of a smelter? What about a blowtorch? In her case, fire melts steel when the knife and fork melt from the friction.”

“The problem with being Republicans is that we are trying to win the hearts and minds of people that only have one out of two.”

“Republican artists are very different from liberal artists. Republican artists would never look at a piece being worked on and say, ‘This needs more elephant sh*t.'”

Evan Sayet has almost as many screws loose as I do. Society is better off for this.


One Response to “Evan Sayet–Jewish, Republican, and Certifiable”

  1. Man, is he partisan! You can say what you will about “liberal” comedians, but if you notice, they just aren’t that directly partisan, at least not the good ones. Evan’s funniest jokes from above (Catholics, Gloria Gaynor, debate team) are the non-partisan jokes. I mean, c’mon, how many teleprompter jokes before that well runs dry? It was old like a two months ago. And what the heck is a “republican artist?” Does he mean “traditional” or “old school” or maybe “conservative?” What does “Republican” have to do with art??? It’s a political philosophy – not a school of art! And yet another Rosie O’Donnell fat joke? Really? And how many people who like Barbara Streisand even own a gun? And if they did, why would you be afraid of them? And another Larry King old joke? Really? Evan has got to find a way to seem a lot less partisan and a lot more fresh. Partisan politics just aren’t all that funny.


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