From Iran to Los Angeles

Iran is on fire.

People are committing senseless violence. Cars are being overturned, as the rioters shout slogans in a foreign language.

Oh no, wait a minute. That would be Los Angeles Lakers fans in Downtown LA.

I could not understand why the Iranians were so angry. According to what I see on the news here in Los Angeles, everybody loves the Lakers.

(I loathe them, but nobody listens to me.)

The similarities do not stop there.

Out of nowhere, I see all of these tribal flags on the road that were not there a few days ago. Angry protesters are shouting about Jihad while waving purple and yellow death flags (they claim the yellow is gold, but they are wrong).

The link is easy to figure out.

The egomaniacal leader of the Lakers is Kobe Bryant.

Kobe is also a form of beef, often served up in the form of sliders.

Beef is forbidden in India, since the cow is sacred.

Therefore, Kobe is sacred in India, just as in Los Angeles.

India has a severe conflict with Pakistan.

Pakistan has nuclear weapons, which Iran is trying to build.

Iran, like Los Angeles, is in a quest for domination.

Iran is led by an egomaniacal world leader that is beloved by many and reviled by many others.

In celebration and in defeat, Mahmoud Armageddonijad and Kobe Bryant rolled their victories into adulation that sparked violence.

I have been trying to figure out why Barack Obama doesn’t care about a tinderbox in Iran. Perhaps he is busy doing nothing about other issues. Maybe he was busy watching the game. Yet when the country shuts down and the police crack down and install martial law, that should be noticed.

Oh, wait…again, I think that was on Figueroa by Staples Center.

I get so confused. Molotov Cocktails are an American tradition, not a Persian one.

Besides, the Persians want to party like it’s 1979.

Angelenos are more current. Some want to party like it is 2002, the last time the Lakers won it all. I think they are partying like it’s 1992, given that items at local stores are being liquidated at 100% discounts.

Dissidents are being crushed from Orlando to Tehran.

The people of Iran are so close, but they just cannot gain freedom.

Orlando was so close, but Dwight Howard could not make a free throw.

The Iranian people are having difficulty subduing the hard charging Iranian National Guard.

The Orlando Magic could not foul Derek Fisher when it counted.

The Iranian people are facing their biggest heartbreak since the Shah.

Orlando is still having nightmares about Nick “The Brick” Anderson.

Both the Magic and the Persians know what it is like to have bombs rein down from Rockets, whether they be conventional warheads or foreign devices such as Hakeem Olajuwon (whose name is harder to spell than Armageddonijad).

Yet the real common thread is that both of these empires, from Los Angeles to Iran, require regime change. They need to be overthrown.

We need to blow up Iran and shove the American flag up the Mullahs’ hides.

Killing the Lakers might be extreme. We need an educated Persian doctor to fix Kevin Garnett and Shaquille O’Neal, so that the Celtics or Cavaliers (with Shaq) defeat the Lakers.

I hate to admit it, but after watching the Lakers and the behavior at the post victory celebrations, I now understand what Armageddonijad means when he yells “death to the West.”

At the risk of crossing the line, but Kobe and Armageddonijad have been accused of taking hostages. Armageddonijad allegedly detained 444 people in 1979, while Kobe allegedly detained one woman in a hotel a few years back.

Anyway, we are locked in a global struggle of civilization vs barbarism. We must make the world safe so that people everywhere can walk freely without fear of being mugged, robbed, or beaten.

Ok, enough about Los Angeles Laker fans. Hopefully now that the season is over, we can get back to focusing on Iran. If we get it right, they might become pro-Western.

If we really get it right, they will support an East Coast team instead.


3 Responses to “From Iran to Los Angeles”

  1. Dav Lev says:

    I’m not sure I like the idea of comparing the Lakers to Iran.
    The Lakers at least work hard, no bull, and deserve their win, w/o

    That said, Mr Obama, hows about scoring some points and utilize the
    current situation in Iran for the good of the US of A.

    Only one-quarter of it’s diverse population voted for the mad Ahmad..
    yet he won. In my book 2 plus 2 alway equals 4, not 6 or 8.

    Now, the head mullah who really rules the country with his Muslim iron
    hand, is saying that we Jews are provoking the crisis, by reporting
    it in the Israeli press.

    At the same time, Russia’s head shakes hands and smiles, with Ahmad,
    while claiming Israel is not a Jewish state, just a state.
    Yeah, like 22 Arab countries are not Muslim or Arab.
    (If you are a Christian celebrating the birth of Christ in Saudi Arabia
    openly, better watch out for your head).

    Here is a golden opportunity for Obama and his advisery staff, which
    is demanding Israel stop “natural growth” ( kindergartens and additional
    bedrooms for their little kinder), to pacify the Arabs, to save Iran from
    their future of mushroom clouds, (ours or theirs), and push it into
    the USA camp ( we want the Muslims to like US, right). Hows about we offer to rebuild their oil infrastructure..and take away the incentive to
    build nukes (which they say are for peaceful purposes).

    All he has to do is say, we’ve had it with Ahmad, it’s time for this
    monkey to to the Bronx or Los Angeles Zoo, and swing on
    some vines (or from).

    From what I understand, Obama isn’t pushing democracy in dictatorships.
    just an attitude of friendliness. Tell that to people in No. Korea.
    But wait, he also is pushing sanctions against the hapless people…no oil,
    no food, no nothing..just let them starve..beat them into submission.

    We are going to interdict ships, like the days of old, with the pirates.
    The problem is, no one is obligated to do it. And South Korea is
    just a few minutes from 20,000 No. korean artillery shells.

    Now that’s Obamas way of creating goodwill.

    From Iran, to Iraq, to Afghanistan (his war now), to Syria, to Saudi Arabia,
    down South America to Venezuela and Cuba…most Americans are pleased
    with our President’s policies.

    I guess it doesn’t take much to fool mother nature..or is it mother USA?

    If I had my way, I’d send 2-3 aircraft carrier groups (now in the Persian Gulf) to Iran’s shores…send in the marines (“boys”), and do a regime change, like now. We are talking about freeing 75 m people, 3 times
    the number in Iraq and Afghanistan.

  2. Toma says:

    What I have seen and read about the “election” in Iran I must say that The Iranian people are in big trouble. Tens of thousands are protesting the “election” but to no avail. The Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei has “selected” Ahmadinejad though “divine assessment” and urged the Iranian people to unite behind “his” selection. I guess Allah has spoken.

    According to one article I read an Iranian journalist said an amazing event has occured and called it a coup d’etat. The Islamic Revolutionary Guard has called in Hezbollah and Palestinians to attack the protestors. Of course the protestors are not armed so there is no contest. They will be crushed and many will die.

    How long must the Iranian people put up with this oppression? Islam will kill as many as necessary to maintain control. Islam is well armed and against an unarmed population, well you get the idea. The people must arm themselves to have any hope of driving out the thugs. There will be no help from the west or any other direction for that matter. The U.S. policy will remain appeasement and apology.

    Good luck good people of Iran the great nations of the world will not help you. Those with the guns will win.



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