The Otter Picnic

While attending the Idaho State GOP Convention, I was invited to partake in what seemed like a very strange ritual. As somebody who has only lived in metropolises like New York and Los Angeles, I am quite unfamiliar with the rituals in the Mountain West.

Yet even I was not prepared for what seemed like something different for a lover of animals like myself. I was invited to the 2010 Idaho Otter picnic.

While I have dined on elk, buffalo, and venison, I had never eaten otter before. It did not seem right. It actually seemed a tad barbaric. Maybe living in progressive (translation: screwed up beyond recognition) areas made me snobbish to those who have different fine dining tastes.

I did not see the otters running around before the picnic, which made me wonder where they would be obtained.

Oh, no. I hope I was not being invited to participate in an otter hunt. Kill it and grill it is a great slogan but I prefer my animals served to me already dead. I dont care how the cow is slaughtered as long as I get a steak. I wondered what otter steak tastes like. I bet people would say chicken, since everything including chicken tastes like chicken.

I wondered what the dietary laws would be on this issue being of the Jewish faith. Is otter meat even kosher?

Also, I did not want to go otter hunting. I staunchly support the Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms, but I am not an otter hunter. Like Dennis Leary, I prefer we kill only the ugly animals. Dont get me wrong, I dont mind clubbing baby seals or nuking the whales, but I draw the line at blasting baby otters to smithereens.

These Idaho people seem barbaric, not like enlightened coastal people such as me.

I do like meat and potatoes, and Idaho is the potato capital. So maybe they know their meat as well. I did once receive some delicious Idaho steaks in the mail. Maybe otter meat was a secret delicacy that those far away from Idaho had yet to experience.

The whole thing made me queasy. I could barely pick up my knife and fork. Then somebody brought me the sandwich. It tasted like ordinary cold cuts. Come to think of it, it was cold cuts.  Who knew that otter tasted like salami?

It turns out that was just salami. Otter was the main course.

I looked around for a warm furry creature, but instead a tall man with perfect hair that would make Mitt Romney envious walked in. People starting calling him over and shaking his hand.

Good to see you Governor Otter.

Governor Otter? The state of Idaho is led by an Otter?

Actually, apparently yes. He seemed quite human, and rather pleasant.

Apparently the Otter Picnic focused on the governor speaking about low taxes and creating a better business climate, without any shooting or eating of adorable little animals.

Ok, so it seems I jumped the judgmental gun like too many coastal elites tend to do. The sandwiches were as normal as anything I have tasted in California, although thankfully this picnic had no tofu. I would sooner eat otter.

After the meal I was prepared for them to call in the dogs, but the only thing resembling a canine came in the form of a Labrador.

The Labrador is their congressional candidate.

They also have Bengal Tigers running around, which either means that Idaho state has a cool mascot or the state has lousy hunters and dangerous game running wild.

Otters, Labradors, and tigers, oh my!

Hey, it beats the political vermin in California.

Long live Idaho, home of the Labrador and the Otter!


One Response to “The Otter Picnic”

  1. Otter, governor of a state that gets 75% of it’s power from hydroelectric, is a firm supporter of more destructive off-shore drilling. What a phoney.


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