Blame Microsoft for the Arizona Tragedy

A terrible tragedy happened a few days ago when a 22 year old white male who read the Communist Manifesto and Mein Kampf shot Arizona Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords and murdered six others.

The left has decided to use the tragedy to gain political advantage by trying to intimidate Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, and tea party attendees. The fact that real actual violence is routinely engaged in by the left gets swept under the rug.

So in the spirit of trying to disseminate the truth, it is time to reveal who was responsible for this tragedy.

Blame Microsoft.

That’s right, I said Microsoft. Every shred of evidence points in their direction.

1) The tragedy took place in Arizona. Arizona has had the most controversial political fights in the country in recent months. The most controversial issue is illegal immigration. Those wanting to crack down on illegal immigration want to build a border fence. Another word for fences is gates. That bring us to Bill Gates. His company is Microsoft.

2) The Founder of Microsoft is Paul Allen. Paul Allen owns a National Football League team, the Seattle Seahawks. Their division rivals are the Cardinals, who play in Arizona. For the Seahawks to get ahead, they have to take down Arizona.

3) Paul Allen hired Pete Carroll to be the head coach of the Seahawks. Carroll used to coach the University of Southern California (USC) Trojans. Carroll hired a running back named Marshawn Lynch.

When others had given up on Lynch, Paul Allen supported Lynch. Therefore, Paul Allen is a racist because you cannot say the word lynch in any context, The Klan used to lynch people. They were evil, but now we know Microsoft supports this. Congresswoman Giffords is Jewish, and the Klan also hates Jews. Therefore, Paul Allen is now an anti-semite.

4) Marshawn Lynch as previously stated is a running back. So was OJ Simpson. OJ used to play at USC. OJ was accused of murdering one man and one woman. People of both genders died in the Arizona tragedy. Therefore OJ did it, casting a black eye on the NFL, and all 32 owners including Paul Allen, who works for Microsoft.

5) The quarterback of the Seattle Seahawks is Matt Hasselbeck. He is related by marriage to Elizabeth Hasselbeck, a lone conservative on a talk show filled with imbecilic leftists. Hasselbeck has defended Palin. Hasselbeck is paid by Allen of Microsoft. Also, the word Hasselbeck contains the word Beck, which is code for Glenn Beck. Hassel should be spelled Hassle, since to hassle somebody means to agitate them and cause them harm. Harm contains the word arm, and Hasselbeck recently had an injured arm. The violence never stops, which makes sense since Hasselbeck does bear an unhealthy resemblance to the most recent courtroom photo of the shooter. Something about bald guys in some situations can make them look very sinister.

6) Hasselbeck’s former coach is Mike Holmgren, who resembles a walrus. Holmgren has a mustache. So do John Bolton and Adolf Hitler, proving that Holmgren is a Neocon who wants to blow up the world on behalf of the Jews and a Nazi who killed Jews. Congresswoman Giffords is Jewish. Holmgren was paid by Allen from Microsoft.

7) Hasselbeck was personally protected on the Seahawks from danger by one of the greatest left tackles in the history of football, Walter Jones. Walter Jones recently retired, a sure hall of famer. Walter Jones is also the name of a North Carolina Congressman who is a Democrat. Walter Jones the football player retired after years of being targeted by opponents playing defense, some on the Cardinals of Arizona. Walter Jones the politician was targeted for defeat, but was reelected. Heath Shuler was both of these men, a former NFL football quarterback who is now a Democrat from North Carolina. Walter Jones the left tackle was paid by Paul Allen of Microsoft. The conspiracy never stopped.

8.) At USC, Pete Carroll had Reggie Bush. Reggie Bush is also a running back, which links to OJ and Marshawn Lynch. Reggie also has the same last name as two former presidents, including George W. Bush. Rapper Kanye West and many other leftists said that George W. Bush was a racist. His justice department refused to prosecute Microsoft as his predecessor had, which shows support for the company that had a founder who owns a football team and supports Lynch.

9) At USC, Pete Carroll had a quarterback who was Reggie Bush’s teammate. That guy was Matt Leinart. Leinart was drummed out of Arizona. Early in Leinart’s career, Arizona defeated Seattle. Paul Allen wanted revenge. Early this year, Leinart was cut from the Cardinals, kicked off the team. This created a climate of rage in Arizona by insiders and outsiders. Who stepped in and defeated Arizona when Leinart left? That’s right, Lynch, Carroll, and Allen, who again founded Microsoft. What caused Leinart to be cut? He was a bad marksman, constantly missing his targets Larry Fitzgerald and Steve Breaston. Paul Allen wants his Seahawks to hit their targets when they play Arizona.

10) Sarah Palin has been accused of being responsible because she had members of congress “targeted” for defeat on her website. Yet that misses the point. She was using the internet. This could mean Al Gore was responsible for the shooting since he invented the internet. Yet the internet would not exist without a computer in the same way Al Gore could not exist without an immaculate environmental conception between a woman and a tree. Sarah Palin uses a computer. That computer contains software made by Microsoft. Also, Sarah Palin conducts business from an office. The name of the product used to express words is Microsoft Office.

11) The killer needed to know where the rally was being held. Then he would have needed directions to get there. Given that he most likely used Yahoo Maps or Mapquest, this required use of the internet and software. Again, Al Gore and Microsoft are to blame.

12) James Clyburn is a liberal Democrat and member of the Congressional Black Caucus. He is often angry and bitter, which would make sense given that he has a link to the biggest losers of 2010. The local pro football team is the Carolina Panthers, who now play in Charlotte, North Carolina. They began playing in Clemson, which is in Mr Clyburn’s home state of South Carolina. When the Panthers moved to Charlotte, South Carolina lost jobs. Since the Panthers lost to a team who lost to another team who lost to yet another team who lost to the Houston Texans, it is all George W. Bush’s fault that those jobs were lost even though Bill Clinton was president when this happened. Dubya was Governor of Texas so the blame is his.

Yet even more important was that the Panthers went 2-14 this year. Coach Jon Fox was fired. He needs to find a new head coaching job. What does somebody do in this situation? They begin by typing their resume. Yes, this was done on a computer that contained Microsoft Word.

13) The recently retired Cardinals Quarterback who led them to glory is Kurt Warner. Kurt Warner is a religious Christian, which brings religious bigotry into the fold. Yet Warner has the same last name as conglomerate Time Warner. Time Warner was owned by AOL, which is a rival of Microsoft. Bill Gates needed to hurt Arizona due to business rivalry, while Paul Allen had the football rivalry motive since Warner kept firing over and over again with Seattle as the victim. Warner was forced to retire, but the reasons why were kept secret.

14) Time Warner was run for awhile by hardcore leftist revolutionary Ted Turner. For decades, Ted Turner has owned CNN and the Major League Baseball Atlanta Braves. In the months leading up to 9/11, the Braves had a chance to win the World Series. Yet after 9/11, who ended up winning and crushing Turner’s dreams? The Arizona Diamondbacks. The girl who died played softball in Arizona. Also, the shooting gave CNN higher ratings, although higher is a relative term.

15) Another rival of the Cardinals are the San Francisco 49ers. The architect of the greatness of the 49ers was Head Coach Bill Walsh. Walsh also coached at Stanford, whose mascot is the Cardinal, which is the same name practically as the team playing pro ball in Arizona.¬† Walsh also installed the West Coast Offense, which was thriving on the Left Coast. Now who is the other hero of the Left Coast? That’s right. Walsh…Joan Walsh. Joan Walsh is the leftist ideological bigot who writes for Salon. What does one do at a salon? They get their¬† nails done. This is done with a nail file. The Islamofascist terrorists on 9/11 used nail files and box cutters. What are files? They are places you store your data. This is done using products that are compatible with Windows, which is a product made by…you guessed it…Microsoft!

(For those who use Macs, do so quietly. Some of you are as insufferable as Prius drivers and MSNBC analysts combined. You are 10% of the population smugly acting like the other 90% are dolts. Macs are the MSNBC of computers. The world runs on PCs and Microsoft products.)

Conclusion: The solution is to ban Microsoft and arrest everybody who has ever worked for them. Every liberal blogger who truly wants to eliminate the tools used to perpetrate the shootings should have their computers seized as evidence.

Some will say that I am making fun of a terrible tragedy.

No, I am showing the absolute imbecilic notion of exploiting a horrible tragedy by trying to take steps to ban guns, end conservative talk radio and television, and intimidate conservatives like Sarah Palin for having harmless…yes harmless…images on her website.

The madness of the left has to stop.

If they want everybody to tone it down, then they should stop demonizing every conservative who has the nerve to want to own a gun, listen to talk radio, attend a tea party, watch Fox News, vote Republican, and do all of this while polluting the environment by breathing out Carbon Dioxide.

My heart goes out to the families of the victims. This was a senseless tragedy that hurts us all. Yet if the left wants to blame conservatives, we can have a long serious conversation about the leftist, atheist, progressive, secular, Communist Manifesto reading pot smoker who did this.

Or we can just blame the guy who did it and end it at that rather than resort to stupidity.

I don’t wish death on anyone, not even Joan Walsh. However, the world might be a better place if she and her ilk developed laryngitis and carpal tunnel syndrome.

Then again, don’t blame her. She is the political equivalent of a drug addict. She cannot stop herself without an intervention. Drug users are not the problem. Blame the start of the supply chain, the suppliers themselves. She and the other leftinistras will be cured when they give up their computers. They got the computers from…

Well, you know.

eric

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