The 2011 Celebrity Apprentice Finale and a special announcement

Another season of Celebrity Apprentice has come to a close, and I really have to praise Donald Trump bigtime on this one.

First, let me get my biases out of the way because I am biased.

Celebrity Apprentice should not be based on one task or even one season. It should be based on an entire life. John Rich is the greatest celebrity in world history for giving us the song “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy.” Donald Trump gets it right again despite not using my criteria.

Here is a synopsis of the episode.

While I have tremendous respect for Marlee Matlin, I was really hoping Lil John would be taking on John Rich. I only knew Lil John from the Dave Chapelle portrayal of him as a guy who says “What?” and “Ok!” in a funny voice. Lil John is a very smart guy, and his unfortunate blunder in the interview process kept him from the finals.

While I was rooting for John Rich, I totally expected Marlee Matlin to win. Simply put, I thought Mr. Trump would make the politically correct decision.

This is not to insult Ms. Matlin. She absolutely deserved to make the finals. Yet if everything else is considered equal, why not give it to the deaf person?

I have repeatedly praised Donald Trump for letting merit supersede race, religion, and gender with his winners. Yet he does have a heart, and sympathy is the one angle that has helped some celebrities.

Joan Rivers was outdueled and outclassed by Annie Duke, but everybody praised Rivers for her vitality. That is code for her being old.

(I rooted for Annie Duke and still want to paddle her. I am aware she would punch me in the face if I tried.)

Holly Robinson Peete was phenomenal, but Bret Michaels nearly died that year. How do you not give it to the guy who nearly died?

(I rooted for Bret Michaels. I always loved Poison and think that if I joined a rock band instead of going to Wall Street I could have been cool enough to paddle Annie Duke with her permission. Hot women dig rock stars.)

So I was concerned that maybe political correctness was interfering with Trump’s judgment.

Yet Piers Morgan was certainly the politically incorrect choice. He was the villain. Trace Adkins was the good guy.

(I liked them both and did want Piers to win solely for crushing the ultimate non-celebrity, Armarosa. Yet I will always praise Trace Adkins for the song “Honkey Tonk Badonkadonk,” which again reminds me how badly I want to paddle Annie Duke.)

Yet while Marlee Matlin is an inspiration, John Rich is simply “the man.”

Although the task was not a fund-raising task, he turned it into one. That was a brilliant move. Trump has always been about rewarding brilliance. He likes tactics, and he loves good strategy.

Marlee Matlin was an A. John Rich is an A+. That is enough of a difference in the finals.

Donald Trump got it right, and I am thrilled for John Rich and his charity, St. Judes. It helps children with cancer.

Anyway, Mr. Trump recently announced that he is not seeking the White House. That leaves a void.

So in the coming days I will be making a presidential announcement of my own soon. Stay tuned. It will be very big. I will be announcing whether or not I am entering the 2012 race.

Until then, let me quote Jimmy Fallon singing a great song.

To everybody except John Rich:

“You’re fired, you’re fired, you son of a b*tch you’re fired…Take your rolling suit case out the door…

Have a mimosa…and call Armarosa…

You’re fired, you’re fired, you SOB you’re fired…don’t you mess around with team Backbone.”

It’s not “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy,” but it’s not bad.

Well done Mr. Trump, and well done John Rich.


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