THE TYGRRRR EXPRESS

Every man in America who has ever taken a picture of his own (redacted) should mail the pics to the National Organization for Women. They love that stuff. If it bothered them, they would comment about Anthony Weiner. Come on guys, give the NOW what they want.

If women can do a Slutwalk March, then let’s declare June 19th the first annual 2011 Male Summer Trouserthon.

All men are ordered to drop trou in front of NOW members until they criticize Anthony Weiner. All other women not in the NOW should be treated with respect.

Those unwilling to drop trou should send the NOW discount coupons for hot dogs. All hail Trouserthon 2011!

This will be an all day event on Sunday, June 19th, 2011. There will be fun for the entire family, unless the family consists of NOW members. After all, they do not know how to have fun.

The official mascot of the event Trouserthon 2011 will be the NOW Ostrich. Every time we show a picture of a liberal behaving badly, the mascot will run around aimlessly and then stick his head in the sand.

There will be comedians performing at Trouserthon as well.

“The problem with women is their standards. They have them. So my hope is that 90% of men act worse so I can be one of the best with less effort…yet they should not act so badly that women give up on all of us. it is hard work maintaining such a delicate balance.”

“Maybe Anthony Weiner was smart to take pics. I have been trying to prove for years that I fathered Elizabeth Hurley’s baby and nobody believes me. I wish I had the proof. Would I pay child support for 18 years just for bragging rights? Ummm, yeah.”

“The real Anthony Weiner scandal is that despite destroying his family in a sex scandal, he did not actually get to have sex with anyone. Even Deuce Bigalow had sex with one of them! 100 years from now teenage boys will learn about Weiner and feel better about themselves. Somebody stamp a scarlet L on this loser’s forehead.”

In an attempt to appeal to the sensitive sissy beta males, there will even be poetry readings. However, it will still be alpha male poetry.

“As I kissed her lips sweet as molasses, she wiggled her hips and broke my glasses.”

The official movie of Trouserthon 2011 will be “Old School.” A costume contest will give prizes to those most resembling Will Ferrell, Vince Vaughn, and Luke “The Godfather” Wilson. For those who want to play in the Jello wrestling ring, one must either be young, nubile, and female, or resemble Joseph “Blue” Pulaski as seen in the movie.

There will be musical interludes.

To quote Humpty Hump of Digital Underground, “I don’t go nowhere without my jim hat. Cause if I’m rapping as if she’s clapping then I’m strapping cause I’m smarter than that.”

The Divinyls offer wisdom by crooning, “I don’t want anybody else, cause when I think about you I touch myself.”

I personally don’t like to touch myself because I don’t know where I’ve been, but Anthony Weiner does not have that problem.

So for those of you who grew up (or never did) in the 80s, break out your jams. Mine have red, yellow, blue, and black fishies on them. Hey, fishies are more manly than duckies.

There will be waterslides.

There will be plenty of food. Naturally there will be Weiner on a stick among other yummy noshables.

Think of this as a combination of a carnival, a circus, and a bazaar, not to be confused with a bizarre. That would be Anthony Weiner.

There will also be parlor games similar to what one would find at Six Flags. One can throw beanbags at bottles with pictures of Congressman Weiner, John Edwards, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dominique Strauss-Khan, Eliot Spitzer, Bill Clinton, and Ted Kennedy on them.

Only men that the NOW gives a free pass to will be featured. Those actually criticized for their misdeeds will be spared.

After clips of “Old School” are played on the big screen, there will be a drinking contest in honor of “Frank the Tank.” The winner gets a Matchbox car shaped like the Ted Kennedy mobile that drove off the Chappaquiddick Bridge as the NOW stayed silent. It will even have an action figurine shaped like the late Senator Kennedy. Naturally, the figurine will be pantsless.

Get ready guys. The NOW/Trouserthon 2011 is seven days away.

Let’s party until there are consequences, which according to the NOW and Congressman Anthony Weiner is never.

eric

This entry was posted on Sunday, June 12th, 2011 at 3:58 am and is filed under MUSIC, POLITICS, WOMEN. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.