My 2016 presidential exploration

My 2016 presidential exploration

I recently made a presidential announcement.

That is not the same as a presidential decision. The announcement is just that I am thinking about running for the White House.

I can now say that I have reached the presidential exploration stage.

This is still not a decision, but it is more than an announcement.

This is not the same as an actual exploratory committee. I can’t stand committees. The only thing worse than committees themselves are committee meetings. When I want to accomplish nothing, I have a meeting.

I have been meeting with people around the country. I have met with delegates nationwide and will be meeting delegates in Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina in the months to come.

Now keep in mind that I still hate meetings, and much of these meetings are me selling copies of my books. Handshakes were involved. Some of the meetings had finger foods and others involved knives and forks.

I know that if I ran I would win. This is because I am not grassroots. For those who do not know, when anybody tells you they are grassroots, it means they have no support whatsoever. The myth of grassroots is that you tell 10 people and they tell 10 and then it becomes exponential. What really happens is out of 10 people, 8 show up for free stuff and forget about you. The other two just forget about you while rejecting your free stuff.

So people who come to my rallies will get nothing. I will not give away candy, chocolate, or even bumper stickers. I want your money. Therefore, giving you free stuff makes no sense. You are supposed to give your stuff to me.

In the coming weeks I will make an official decision on whether or not to seek the White House. I am leaning either in favor of or against it depending on which way the wind is blowing.

What I do know is that not one poll has showed me as beatable…not one.

I will skip the early debates because as a top tier contender, I can. I have the luxury of waiting.

So now that I have made my announcement, a decision will come. For now, the exploration stage is where my presidential campaign is.

I would consult with my consultants, because that is what people do with consultants. That is why they are called consultants. However, I don’t have any. Ever since the movie “Office Space,” I have found consultants to be overrated. The only thing more useless than consultants are highly paid consultants.

I do not have a pollster because I don’t need a pollster to tell me how I am doing. I am fantastic, thank you very much.

The media has been leaving me alone because they know better. There will not be any gotcha interviews. I am not doing interviews.

Anyway, exploration is similar to contemplation, so if any of you see me poolside or in the Jacuzzi, I am not in a state of contemplation. I am in a state of exploration.

This concludes my current presidential update. I will let you all know when the decision is reached. For now, feel free to come say hello on my exploration tour…provided you buy my books.


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