December 31, 2023:
LOS ANGELES: New Year’s Eve is a truly magical night. On this one night, many of Earth’s seven billion inhabitants temporarily cast aside religion, politics, and even sports rivalries.
Peace on Earth briefly breaks out. We bid farewell to a tough year and in this case. We pray that the incoming new year will be better, perhaps even peaceful.
We pray for peace, love, and a better world.
After almost three years of parties being canceled, the parties in 2023 are back on like Donkey Kong!
On January 15, America will honor the late Martin Luther King Jr. We will vow to honor his legacy of peaceful non-violent civic activism. MLK is universally beloved because he believed in fighting for change peacefully.
New politicians will take office on Wednesday, January 3.
Yet the hours leading into January 1 are not about the Republican Party or the Democrat Party.
It is about house parties, club parties, rooftop parties, and the party for the sake of partying parties.
This is before getting to the after-party.
We eat and drink to excess, dance badly, and upload pictures to social media that should never be uploaded.
For one night, much of the entire civilized world is a happy, peaceful, global family united in sheer joy and revelry.
In Gotham City, 2024 commences, and peaceful behavior erodes.
All hell breaks loose with the dropping of the ball in Times Square. People kiss, sing, and then try to escape the freezing weather they have been standing in for the last ten hours.
Of all the global celebrations welcoming the end of 2023, nothing says New Year’s Eve like the convergence of a rap star and an unknown politico.
The rapper is a long-haired, gold-toothed entrepreneur and former Trump Celebrity Apprentice semi-finalist Lil Jon. Dave Chapelle lampooned him as the guy who only says “what” and “ok.”
Lil Jon brought the world one of the greatest party songs, “Shots.”
A celebration of alcohol and fun, plenty of shots will be consumed as 2023 ticks down.
While Lil Jon’s celebrity is established, the senior United States Senator from Hawaii is still barely known on the mainland.
The Senator’s name is spelled “Schatz,” although his last name is pronounced “shots.”
The U.S. Senate has long been about partying, alcohol, and law-breaking in between occasional bouts of governing.
Therefore, the upper chamber of Congress should treat Schatz as a celebrity.
Let Lil Jon do the swearing-in ceremony as the Republican Party and the Democrat Party continue to spend like drunken sailors
at a never-ending New Year’s Eve Party.
Happy New Year Schatzie! Party time!
“When I arrive on the Hill, all eyes on me.
Congressional bender, all drinks are free.
We’re drunken spenders, we’re so far gone.
It’s free money time, so come on down!
Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz Schatz,
Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz,
Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz,
Schatz, everybody!
Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz,
Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz Schatz,
Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz,
Schatz, everybody!
The ladies love us, when we give free stuff,
We spend your money, on needless fluff,
We’re drunk on power, how ‘bout you?
Bottoms up, let’s go round two!
Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz,
Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz Schatz,
Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz,
Schatz, everybody!
Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz,
Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz Schatz,
Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz,
Schatz, everybody!
If you ain’t drunk on power, get out of Congress now!
If you ain’t drunk on power, get out of the White House now!
If you ain’t drunk on power, get out of government now!
Now where are my spendaholics? Printing presses go!
Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz, Schatz,
Schatz, everybody!”
Party hearty, Senator Schatz! Greece, California, and Detroit are only a few trillion wasted dollars away!
To everyone else, may 2024 be a year of peace, love, and most importantly for revelers, fun!
Also, in honor of the junior Hawaii Senator Mazie Hirono, do not hit on strangers after getting drunk. Friends don’t let friends beer-goggle. This is the Hirono rule, when a guy wakes up the next day, realizes what he has done, and yells, “Her? Oh, no!”
Let’s party! What??????
Happy 2024! Ok!!!!!!!!
eric