Top 10 Powerful Bald White Guys of 2023
This list is dedicated to the late radio host Austin Hill. He was a great guy who left us far too soon. He loved this list and gave it more attention than it ever deserved. May he never be forgotten.
This list was inspired by Dann Florek, who played Police Captain Donald Cragen on the “Law & Order” franchises for a couple decades.
A lot of people did not make the list. Joe Biden is ineligible until he admits his baldness and stops hiding behind hair plugs. Vladimir Putin is ineligible because he is a ruthless killer and I do not wish to die. If he asks, I think he has lovely hair.
Jeff Bezos is the richest man in the world, but he is no longer the CEO of Amazon. Being rich is not the same as being powerful. Bring powerful requires doing things. He seems either bored or retired. Rupert Murdoch seems to be retired as well.
Virginia Congressman Bob Good will almost certainly make the list in 2024. He is the incoming Chair of the House Freedom Caucus. He does not take over until after the New Year begins, rendering him ineligible for 2023.
With that, here are the 2023 Austin Hill Awards dedicated to the Top 10 PBWGs of 2023.
10.) Chip Roy: This Congressman from Texas is a member of the House Freedom Caucus. He says what he means and vice versa. He has spent the year dragging other politicians kicking and screaming into fiscal restraint. He would rank higher on the list except that he has had few successes on this front. It is tough to govern when you barely hold one of three branches of government. If and only if Republicans increase their majorities in 2024, expect Congressman Roy to have significantly more influence.
9.) John Stanley: The CEO of A T & T is on the front lines of the newest tranche of the digital revolution. While this company has a reputation for nickeling and timing their customers, that also makes a terrible company a great stock over the long term. After destroying DirecTV, Mr. Stanley came in and spun it off. Mr. Stanley according to surveys of various companies ranks near the bottom in likability, with less than 5% of his employees approving of his job performance. To be fair, employees have gotten terribly worse, especially among young people. Mr. Stanley would rank higher, but A T& T is one of the most mind-numbingly boring companies in America. If they somehow catch the AI wave, his standing on this list might improve.
8.) Kevin O’Leary: Shark Tank’s “Mr. Wonderful” is one of the sharpest investors around. He speaks plainly and with common sense. He actually ran to be the leader of Canada’s Conservative Party in 2017. He should have been on this list for years but 2023 was his breakout year in terms of exposure. He went from being almost everywhere to everywhere. His insights are valuable. He would rank higher except sometimes it is hard to figure out exactly what it is he does.
7.) Dave Calhoun: The CEO of Boeing is more influential than ever. Just when it looked like Russia and Ukraine were headed toward stalemate and possible ceasefire, Islamists in Gaza waged war on Israel. World War III may be bad for society, but it is great for defense contractors. with the Middle East on the verge of exploding into flames, Mr. Calhoun will make sure to crank out the necessary weapons. More importantly, he seems to be a very competent CEO. Boeing stock recently hit an annual high.
6.) Warren Buffett: On a personal level, the Berkshire Hathaway CEO suffered the loss of his Vice Chairman Charles Minger at age 99. By contrast, the Oracle of Omaha is a spry 93. Buffett is the epitome of a value investor. He avoided the dot com boom and bust a couple decades ago. Now he is warning anyone who will listen that Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies are a scam. Buffett is also against woke investing despite being a lifelong Democrat. He refuses to bring his personal politics into his investing, which is why people across the spectrum trust him. He is often wrong in calling for higher taxes, but after all these decades, there is still nobody more respected when it comes to picking a stock.
5.) Bob Casey Jr.: Like his father, Senator Casey the younger is that rarest of creatures, a pro-life Democrat. A staunch Catholic, Casey is an accurate representation of the heavily Catholic, blue collar Pennsylvania voters. Normally a reliable Democrat vote, Casey often confounds his own party. He has a brutally tough 2024 race against conservative David McCormack. If Casey can survive that race, his influence will grow if Democrats hold the Senate.
4.) Jared Polis: The Colorado Governor is more than just the leader of one of the first states to allow recreational marijuana. Now he oversees the first state to suspend the rule of law and ban a major party presidential candidate from running for office. While it was the Colorado Supreme Court that made the decision to ban Trump based on an insurrection he was never charged with, Polis gets to have it both ways. He can pretend to be above the fray while privately maneuvering to be the 2024 Democrat nominee if President Biden resigns. Polis is not known for ever taking a brave stand, so his rise or fall on this list will be determined by how he navigates this Constitutional time bomb. Polis benefits if the U.S. Supreme Court renders the issue moot.
3.) Gary Gensler: The Chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission is a political activist with a thirst for regulating everything in sight. With the stock market hitting all time highs, he is expected to throw cold water on the party. Gensler is fine with woke DEI at the expense of corporate profits but heaven forbid a good CEO not have enough diversity. With calls to regulate cryptocurrencies, Gensler will have even more power. He is a former Goldman Sachs guy, which propelled his access to power. Republicans are trying to have him fired, but Goldman Sachs power brokers are usually above the law.
2.) John Fetterman: This rich white leftist spent his entire life doing hard drugs and leeching off of his parents. Like most failures, he became a hardcore leftist virtue-signaler. Despite suffering a stroke during the campaign, he still got elected as a U.S. Senator from Pennsylvania. He was expected to vote leftist down the line. Then he shocked the political world by offering startlingly lucid thoughts that broke from leftist Orthodoxy. He came out as a staunch supporter of Israel in a party with an increasingly influential and militant anti-Israel left wing. He also called for more border security. He even declared that he was not a progressive. When he was verbally accosted by an angry leftist who accused him of betrayal, he showed a surprising sense of humor. He pointed out his recent stroke and claimed that this left him unable to understand what the angry protester was saying. Senator Fetterman is less than one year into his term, and he has already angered people across the political spectrum. He has at least five more years to confound people without consequences. That is power. Yet for the second year in a row, Fetterman comes up one spot short.
1.) David Solomon — Normally the Head Sled at Golden Sachs is the top PBWG because Goldman Sachs runs the world. Goldman Sachs has a history of flitting in between corporate power and government power. Jon Corzine, Hank Paulson, and Lloyd Blankfein are all former Goldman Sachs PBWG top dogs. Solomon has missed out on the top spot in recent years due to tough economic times, war raging across the world, and an anti-Wall Street climate. Yet in 2023, happy days are here again. The stock market hit an all time high. Goldman Sachs now has its usual level of undue influence over the government. The company that is too big to fail with executives who are too big to jail escaped scrutiny during financial meltdowns. They are not going to lose power when Wall Street is making money hand over fist.
For being the most powerful guy at the most powerful company, David Solomon is the Top Powerful Bald White Guy of 2023.