Putting Mary Katharine Ham (THE ISSUE!) To Bed

Yes folks, I used a deliberately provocative headline to suck people in to reading a g-rated, serious column. No, it will not be boring. Get back here.

As I continue to reap from an issue that I sowed myself, I want to state that, yes, I did write a column entitled, “Help me Rabbi, I am desiring (Mary Katharine) Ham.” A week later, I followed it up with, “Hydratic Lamentations…Mary Katharine Ham Revisited.”



Several months later, Mary Katharine Ham…or to be more specific, the issue…needs to be put to bed. What prompted this column was a Michelle Malkin column. The column itself was very brief, but the comments section is the main thrust of my column today.


I checked Double-M’s website before bed, and saw the following comment:

(name redacted) “Oh god… I hope Eric don’t see this…*swoons over Ham’s lovelyness*”

I wrote a comment myself.

“Why God? Why did I have to check this website before bed? I had a long day, I could have gone to sleep, but nooooooo, I had to take one harmless little peek. I could use the trackback function for my article, ‘Help me Rabbi, I am desiring (Mary Katharine) Ham,’ but why torture myself?

If this woman watches football, I might be forced to buy her a 3rd world nation.

Off to sleep and dream about anything else…my Yom Kippur vows still (barely) intact.



Hey, it was late, I was tired, and I took my size 19 shoe (ok, I am lying about that) and stuffed it deep down past my epiglottis.

I then saw the following comment:

(name redacted) “It was so tempting to write MKH isnt that hot just to see swj and eric blow a gasket but couldnt bring myself to lie like that.”

The next comment, edited for length, caught my eye.

(name redacted) “you might ought to start looking at real estate rates in Camaroon. MKH is a graduate of the University of Georgia, and is therefore completely absorbed by SEC college football.”

However, the following comment made me think much deeper thoughts than this thread really necessitated:

(name redacted) “Control yourself Tygrrr, don’t go bat-guano loony and start stalking her or anything:)”

Now this last comment was nothing more than a good natured ribbing. Yet introspection is part of growth, and that comment really led to some adult musing.

I have been stalked before. It is not fun. There are some serious wack jobs in this world. Even without being criminal, the internet is a haven for perverts. Some people buy used underwear online. Others enjoy hard core pornography. Some people derive erotic pleasure out of sadism or masochism. These are foreign concepts to me.

I think about this stuff because I started out my blog as a hobby. It is still a hobby, albeit one that reaches almost 1000 hits per day after only six months. With this platform comes responsibility. Do I want to be like Sean Hannity or Howard Stern? Howard Stern is brilliant, but that is not the first word people think of when his name comes up. Sean Hannity has his detractors, but he is a respected professional. So is Michelle Malkin. So is Mary Katharine Ham. It takes a lifetime to build a brand, and an instant to destroy it.

It is difficult to raise the level of discourse, but it is easy to lower it. I published one column about the War on Terror that got very little attention. I also published a column about whether or not C3P0 is homosexual. It sparked tremendous debate, and my “hits” rose.

Bill O’Reilly himself admits that he covers O.J. Simpson, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan because that way it keeps the ratings high enough to do serious segments about The War on Terror. I understand this. Programs need ratings, and that means making some compromises. However, I am not a professional blogger. I have a job in finance. Therefore, I have even less of an excuse to debase the public internet world.

I am always telling others to lighten up, but maybe I should raise my own standards. Or maybe, I should lighten up. I do not know the answer.

I am not angst ridden in the way that many stereotypical liberal Jews tend to be, but I do worry about whether or not I am enhancing or detracting from society.

Although I have regular readers, my own parents do not read every single one of my columns. The reason is because they are dignified people, and they do not like things that are “sophomoric.” If I write about General Petraeus, they are thrilled. If I write “nonsense,” they are quick to remind me about dignity. They are not wrong.

If somebody goes to my “about” page, they will either find it funny…or sophomoric. The truth is I am a normal, mainstream American who leads a simple life. I am not boring, but perception is reality, and people perceive normal and mainstream to be synonymous with deadly dull.


So yes, I lower the bar so that I can trick people into visiting my site, where the bar is most of the time set pretty high. When I watch the news, I want hard news, and detest frivolity. Yet my own blog, in an attempt to communicate hard news, resorts to that same frivolity.

Many people get the joke, and find me funny. Others think, “this guy is an idiot.”

Yes, I announced that I desired Mary Katharine Ham. I also, inspired by the movie “Airheads,” announced that I desired Bea Arthur (No Mom and Dad, I don’t). Yes, I have convinced people that I have a collection of Chasidic adult videos. I don’t.

I then left the following comments in an effort to bring this to a conclusion. They are edited for length, because yeah, sometimes I can be a gasbag who loves the sound of his own perceived brilliance as much as anyone else.

“(name redacted), I would actually prefer that I was the only man on the planet who thought she was hot, so I could win the lowered expectations game. )

(name redacted), At the risk of trying to weasel out of my comments, when I say football I mean the NFL. If she liked the NFL, my offer stands. I do not know college football. Stalking is disgusting, and I prefer activities that do not require I leave my apartment. I am a homebody. )

So let me reassure the world that while Ms. Ham is stunning, conservative, blah blah blah, the whole thing behind my ‘goofiness’ was her last name. A Jewish boy desiring Ham, especially around Yom Kippur, is a satire of angst ridden Jewish guys torn with internal conflict. Those Jewish guys are liberals, aka not me.

What I would really like is to interview her for my blog since I think she is a smart, young conservative. I already interviewed Amanda Carpenter, and that went well.”


People may develop the wrong impression about me, but I have only myself to blame if I give them that impression. The question then becomes, what happens next?

I honestly have no idea. I would like to think that I can continue to straddle the serious with the silly, without devaluing myself. Maybe I can. More importantly, maybe I should.

If somebody comes to me and states that I hurt them, I would listen to them very seriously. I am not too proud to issue retractions. However, with most of my silly threads, it seems that most people “get” the joke. The ones who do not comment may find me too stupid to waste time on, but one can only learn from feedback that is actually received.

I look forward to many years of successful blogging, and more importantly, contributing something positive to the public domain.

The desire to be a respected, intelligent professional versus the desire to occasionally act like a college sophomore is an ongoing struggle. Nobody, not even me, knows how this will turn out. I only know that the results and consequences of my actions and behavior will be deserved.


12 Responses to “Putting Mary Katharine Ham (THE ISSUE!) To Bed”

  1. micky2 says:

    Take it from me, you are not alone in your struggle.
    I am constanly battling with composure and the will to cut loose. At times I get too serious for my own good, and at other times I’ve been called a big teeny bopper.
    But when I mix the two or try to reach a compromise between the two I find I look worse than if I just functioned on one standard alone

  2. Dave Thul says:

    I hope you end up with Ms Ham for truly selfish reasons (not related to the aforementioned Chasidic adult videos). The offspring of her beauty and your wit could be a future President. So before you give up on stalking, consider your duty to your country.

  3. GunnyG says:


    I saw her first!

    She is one FINE and SMART Conservative woman. And single.

    WHY do our women look so HOT and the LEFT has hags like Susan Estrich (Ol Screechy), Maureen Dowd (Ol Pegboard), Rosie, Babs, and the lovely Helen Thomas! Oh, can’t forget the pinup girl of the left, Lynne “Ol Swamy” Stewart.

    Eric, your taste in Mary is commendable, give her a call brother.

  4. micky2 says:

    Actually I find most of the hot chicks these days to be liberal, but then I cant help but notice how incredibly stupid they are.
    Sorry, I’ll probably get blasted to hell and back for that one.
    Maybe its because the conservative ones got past the mirror.
    Its easier to stay pretty and dumb, than it is to be attractive on two fronts.

    When you dont have much more than your looks going for you , its a lot easier to take the route that requires less complex thinking, and so you join the borg.
    Although I must say, Jeri Ryan makes the inside of my thighs twitch.

  5. Hueguenot says:

    “I am not angst ridden in the way that many stereotypical liberal Jews tend to be, but I do worry about whether or not I am enhancing or detracting from society.”

    It’s OK, Eric, it’s a symptom of being a grownup. Consideration for others, and a concept of something larger than ourselves. More of us ought to try it.

    AND, more of us ought to try not taking ourselves so seriously. No worries for you there, mate.

    Ecclesiastes 3:1,2 (paraphrased): To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be sophomoric and a time to be serious…

    Time to go snuggle up to my Very Own Hot Conservative Woman.

  6. […] admin wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptDo I want to be like Sean Hannity or Howard Stern? Howard Stern is brilliant, but that is not the first word people think of when his name comes up. Sean Hannity has his detractors, but he is a respected professional. … […]

  7. GunnyG says:


    Hey, I dated a hot lib chick for awhile when I was stationed at Camp Pendleton. The trouble WAS, that the effort to rewire her brain and show her how life really IS, not how she’d LIKE it to be simply wasn’t worth it. She was HOT, had a great bod, but was numb from the neck up.

  8. micky2 says:

    Gunny , just look at hollywood.
    Every female entertainer with a boob job that cant read is a liberal. It just breaks my heart when these gorgeous women open their mouths.
    Since I was a kid I always liked Sally Fields. Not for being super hot or anything. I just always thought she was nice and wholesome. Untill a couple weeks ago when the image I had of her went to hell in a handbasket.
    I guess she forgot about all the democrats who are mothers that voted for the war.

  9. onemorecup says:

    onemorecup said,
    July 5, 2007 at 2:52 pm (PLEASE LOOK AT THIS DATE!)

    Hey TYGRRRR’s,

    Something really strange happened to me today, July 5, 2007, I actually saw MKH on television. And ever-so-very-humbly, I ask that you accept my apology.

    You see, at first reading I thought you were talking about a completely different person. As a quasi-friend and fellow blogger, I implore you NOT to entertain a date with this MKH person. Why you ask?

    This is no “My Date with Drew” meaning of course, if you’re going to pursue something or someone, even for a friendly mixer, good gaud man, make sure she’s at least a little attractive!

    The MKH that I saw was undeniably, well, I don’t want to say ugly, so I’ll say unattractive. You can do better; you deserve better.


    PS Check your email!

  10. GunnyG says:


    WC Fields said:

    Show me a good actor, and I’ll show you a lousy father. Show me a good actress and you’ve seen the devil!”

    Hollywood simply sucks.

  11. infidel308 says:

    Good to see Dave Thul started a website. I guess as a fellow Minnesotan, it’s not like our deployments will keep us from watching the Vikes in the super bowl.
    Eric, you seriously need to go to jdate.com
    I almost signed up and I’m not even Jewish.

  12. micky2 says:

    I have a feeling that Eric gets more action than he would lead us all to believe.
    Its just not his style to brag about the line up.
    But no matter how good the getting has been in my life there was always that one supposedly unobtainable babe at the end of the rainbow.
    I married her.

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