Cable Saturday

Today is Cable Saturday. After several days in Las Vegas, today the Tygrrrr Express is bound for Lake Havasu, Arizona for a Lincoln Day Dinner with JD Hayworth. Then I drive back to Los Angeles and sleep all day tomorrow.

I leave politics behind on the weekends from a blogging standpoint, but this lack of sports action is killing me.

Here is the condensed non-sports non-report.

In Tiger Woods news, golf is still boring.

In golf news, Tiger Woods is still boring.

In harpie hag news, Gloria Allred is still herself. I wouldn’t spank her with a stolen paddle.

While America was obsessed over one of the most boring men playing one of the most boring non-sports, Iranian mullahs were planning to get nuclear weapons, and North Korea was planning to sell them. The media could talk about this, but that would take time away from a guy who takes a funny shaped stick and uses it to hit a ball into a gopher hole.

In baseball news, I am still praying the players go on strike again. It is not too late to cancel the season.

In Olympics news, the medal for least interesting non-sport is a tossup between golf, soccer, and every sport at the Olympics except the hockey game between the United States and Canada. Now that America won the Cold War, I can’t even get worked up over the Russians.

Therefore I am declaring today Cable Saturday.

No, not Tom Cable, the head coach of the Oakland Raiders.

No, not Jim Carrey, even though he was the Cable Guy.

To be more specific, I am declaring it Larry the Cable Guy Saturday.

Git ‘Er Done! (The initials spell out GED, an interesting acronym given the education level of his critics.)

I saw him yesterday at the Buffalo Bill Casino, and he was hilarious.

For the elitist snobs that look down on him, keep acting like yourselves. It’s not for you anything. It’s a regular American thing. You wouldn’t understand.

While some of his humor is crude and low-brow, this guy is no dummy. He shifts easily from politics to sports to every day life.

One line about him meeting Hillary Clinton had me cringing and laughing at the same time. He said that he was standing next to her for a few minutes, but did not make conversation. After all, it is not polite to talk to strangers in the men’s urinal. Just look straight ahead and don’t stare.

I met Larry afterward, and he is a nice guy. He now has a copy of my book, and I genuinely hope he enjoys it. I know I enjoyed his book.

As a huge fan of Smokey and the Bandit, I thought it was awesome that the show ended with the Jerry Reed song “Eastbound and Down.”

Some may say that Larry the Cable guy does not merit an entire column, but what the heck should I talk about? Snookie?

Never mind. Let it go.

Anyway, it is time to head on out Eastbound and Down myself from Nevada to Arizona, and then Westbound and Down back to Los Angeles.

Somebody get me either naked pictures of Jeanne Pirro or Gloria Allred fully dressed and wearing a feedbag.

I need sleep and peace and quiet….and football to return soon.

Git ‘Er Done!


4 Responses to “Cable Saturday”

  1. Micky 2 says:

    yeah, Allred is nothing but an ambulance chasing opportunistic victimization pusher.
    Made me sick to see these women crying over how they’d been lied to and bla bla bla. If Tiger wasnt worth half a billion dollars I doubt they feel a thing cept a little rug burn

  2. I’m surprised no mention of Al Haig. He was a very important figure in modern conservative history.


  3. Micky 2 says:

    Why, so we can listen to your BS over how him and Reagan did nothing to defeat the Soviets ?
    Yeah, he was important, and I’m gonna let this day be for him.

  4. Well, the Reagan administration did what pretty much every other administration did with regards to the Soviets. One could argue that the escalation of the arms race helped to break the Soviet economy a little sooner than it would have broken anyway, but that’s about it. Even that’s hard to argue, though, as Gorbechev pointed out years ago, the USSR was already irrepairably broken by 1980 or so. Even Kissinger once said, with regard to that subject, that if you look at it the way you’d have to in order to credit Reagan with such a thing, you’d have to credit Carter even more, because the USSR was already failing before Reagan ever sat foot in the office.

    Haig, on the other hand, played a very different role in world history.

    (Disclosure: I once spent an afternoon with a close friend, aide, and business partner of Haig’s. Back around 2000, Haig was in the freight forwarding business and I was in the container line business, dealing with forwarders daily, and with a great reputation in the biz, so everyone knew me. It was an unforgettable experience. The guy was a retired admiral and picking his brain was one of the memorable experiences of my life. Meanwhile, he was just thrilled that a 30 (-ish) year old American actually knew something about Haig and world affairs. I think we both learned a little something that day.)

    Haig was a Notre Dame Catholic. Catholics and Republicans have a long, wierd and mostly unfriendly history. But thanks to guys like Haig (and Buckley, of course) Catholics are now as viable GOP voters as anyone. It’s ashame that the GOP feels they can only win Catholics with dumb wedge issues these days. Thirty/forty years ago, guys like Haig and Buckley were winning them over with sensible arguments. The GOP would be wise to bring sensible arguments back to the table.

    Haig was an “X-Corps” man, involved in the Inchon landing that saved South Korea. That’s where he made his name. It was also perhaps the last truly noble endeavor our oft ignoble political leaders set our noble forces upon.

    Haig is creditted as being one of the Nixon advisors who told him he should resign during Watergate. Had Nixon not resigned (and for a while there he really thought he could avoid it), he would most certainly have been impeached. The resulting political and cultural fracas, at that point in American history, could have been disasterous. Yet again, Haig did the right thing at the right time.

    There is a myth that Haig thought he was taking over the presidency when Reagan was shot. He never meant to say anything of the kind and knew very well better. Agree with him on most things or not (and I fall into the “not” catagory), he was never stupid enough to believe such a thing. All he was saying was that he had everything “under control” – ie: everything’s okay.

    Anyways, I could go on and on, but I hope to read more about Haig here soon.


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