The Next Republican Jewish Brunette…Bring it on Woman!!!

Screw tactfulness. This is business and personal.

Apparently I am single again.

I am so busy with work that I don’t even have time to pursue women. This should never happen. Last night it occurred to me that I have a mailing list of 11,000 people. It is time to start putting you all to work.

You all know women that I don’t. Introduce me to them.

Ok, that was the easy part. Now for the hard part.

I know exactly what I want.

I want a Republican Jewish brunette who likes football.

Some of you may recall that I was recently involved with that type of woman.

As for why the relationship broke up, I am going to follow the example of one of my political heroes, George W. Bush. Criticism of the previous romantic administration will not be found here. Publicly I will say she had many good qualities, and anything negative is private and kept on lockdown.

Here are some things I have observed in terms of past relationships, so that I can clarify what I want.

“Republican Jewish brunette who likes football” is not as simple as it sounds. It leaves too much open.

Being politically right of center is a must. Yet agreeing with me is insufficient. We do not need to spend every minute of the day discussing politics, but my career is political. At any moment somewhere in the United States, I might be asked to do an event with a senator or governor, which means they fly me out and put me up in a hotel. This is what I do. I need a political wife, one who likes hobnobbing at political functions. She has to be ok with the rubber chicken circuit, and my traveling for business. We will be a political power couple.

Jewish does not mean “willing to convert.” I have been burned before. The conversion process is arduous. I want somebody already Jewish by all legal religious standards. If you had a legal conversion, that is fine. I want somebody who is proud to be Jewish. Level of religiosity is less important than simply being comfortable and happy around Jewish people. This means socializing from time to time at Jewish dinner parties, and raising Jewish children.

The wife will have 99% of the say in terms of what type of house we have. While I have a deep respect for other religions, I do not practice them and they will not be in my home.

Brunette is a preference, not a deal-breaker.

I like to watch NFL Football on Sundays. We can do whatever you want to do Monday through Saturday. On Sundays I like to watch my games. Please respect that. You can watch with me or go do something else. Complaining you are bored and unable to understand how a guy can spend his Sunday indoors is not ok.

(I love my dad, but he has said this to me many times.)

Everybody should have a passion for something, and mine is football. I play in a league as well.

So if you are politically liberal, do not tell me you are open-minded. I am not. I want a Republican woman. I have dated liberals before. If I just liked politics, that would be one thing. It is my career.

No schoolteachers or social workers. You are all bleeding heart liberals. If you are a Republican in these professions, I would be shocked, and willing to consider it. I do not get along well with people in the entertainment industry. I am willing to ogle your backside from time to time, but not snort cocaine off of it.

I am a hard-charging corporate Type A guy. I want a corporate, professional woman. I have always been attracted to Wall Street type women. Legal and medical professionals are great as well.

Most importantly, I am an extrovert. I cannot date introverts. If you are shy, quiet, and mousey, I will overwhelm you. Aggressive is fine.

You must be fun. Fun is subjective, but I have long-lasting friendships. All of my friendships are long-term. They will tell you I am a fun guy to be around, gregarious and jovial. I do not drink or smoke, but love socializing and people-watching.

My favorite cities regarding women:

1) Brooklyn–The best women in the world. Moxie!

2) Miami–South Beach rocks.

3) Deep South–Lord have mercy.

I find too many women in Los Angeles to be toxic, but will not rule it out. I can’t. I live here. There are too many women in the professions I dislike and not enough corporate women here.

Here are some things that various women have done over the years that I liked a lot.

1) Cosmic Bowling—lights low…we danced in the alley to the music.

2) July 4th–At a beach party at a house, we climbed up on the ledge and danced under the fireworks.

3) One woman grabbed my arm and took me on the dance floor. Aggressive, but I liked her moxie.

4) Halloween–Matching costumes at the freak show in West Hollywood, making friends with total strangers.

5) Hanukkah–I love Hanukkah, and so did she. I hope you do as well.

I love going to restaurants. I will dress up if I absolutely have to. I will dress up above the waist and put on a sport jacket, but jeans and sneakers thank you much.

My two main rules are…1) Don’t be shallow. 2) Don’t be crazy.

If you think you are better than the waiter serving us, get lost. If you have a variety of illnesses, I gave to charity at the office and am tapped out. I am healthy and want that in a partner.

Oh, and I eat red meat and refuse to drive hybrids. Meat tastes good and Pious (Prius) drivers are insufferable. Worse than being on the left politically, they drive slowly in the left lane.

Ok, so I said what I wanted. What am I willing to give?

A ton. If you want to be a wife and mother, I am eager to become a husband and father. I have had a great single life, but I want my partner in crime. Tell me what you want and need. The worst that can happen is I cannot give it. Not everybody is a match. I come from a good family, and my family and friends would welcome you in with open arms. Also, I have my act together. I hope you do as well.

So for those of you out there who thinks you know somebody I could be happy with, or at the very least share mutual toleration, send her my way.

After all, I am not on Facebook to play computer games. I use this site for business.

Pleasure is business, and business is personal.

Please send your recommendations privately.

Lastly, I only want one woman. I am totally into the monogamy thing.


5 Responses to “The Next Republican Jewish Brunette…Bring it on Woman!!!”

  1. I’ve been around a little bit. People who lead perfectly civil but chaotic lives – travel a lot, work odd hours, work an unusual career – are naturally going to have a hard time finding a new spouse. It tends to be that marraige is best timed for people when they “settle down” – that is, work usual hours, normal hours, the usual career.

    So, right there you’ve really narrowed your options. Women who want to marry actual mean “I WANT TO SETTLE DOWN.”

    That is not an option for you. Well… It is, but I can’t imagine it. Your in the beginning of a great political career. Your grasp of the issues is as sturdy a Republican grasp of the issues as can be. And I mean that very respectfully. Real Republican insiders are no fools. And they are decent human beings, too. They’re just insane. ;) LOL!

    Anyways, so you’re going to face to face a simple decision – find a woman who will stay at home and doesn’t mind you travelling, or find a woman who can and will travel with you.

    You can’t start a family that way, though, and it seems your prefence would be to find another Republican firebrand like you – which really, really, really narrows your field.

    You say, “I want a Republican Jewish brunette who likes football.” but what you really mean is, “I want an attractive, brunette, Jewish, Republican activist, who will travel with me, or stay home and wait around for me at all sorts of crazy hours, who, also, by the way, must personally enjoy professional football.”

    I love ya’ man, but you gotta open that field if you want to catch the ball.


  2. Micky 2 says:

    Usually we dont know what we want till we find it.
    I always imagined being married to an exotic Asian with a huge rack.
    Instead met a the most petite kindest funniest understanding tolerant woman on earth who’d make Bruce Lee look like Peewee Herman if you let your testoterone get to your head. And realized she was exactly what this damaged batch of goods needed. Ying and the Yang
    If not for her I’ve no doubt I’d be dead 10 years ago.

  3. Amen, Micky.

    I too found a woman very much unlike me. I’m an incessant jokester, an alky, testy sometimes, too-laid-back other times. My wife is my stabilizer, my equalizer. She makes it all come into clear context. We don’t always agree, but I respect her all the more over time – and I learn a lot too – the more we disagree. Over the years, we disagree less and less. But if you embrace the wonderous Gray Area of life, you can find all sorts of interesting things to talk about. If you decline such an invitation, don’t expect many more.

    I think, personally, our good host needs to meet someone much more unlike him than he can currently withstand.


  4. bstein says:

    If I were single I would go for you in a second. I 100% agree with you about the Jewish thing- it was the only option for me when I married and I have no regrets. I live in the Seattle area and here you will find educated, driven Jewish women, although, some may be of the Democratic persuasion but I have faith that you can easily convert them. What age group are you looking for?

  5. Eric, I agree with you -and respectfully disagree with Jersey McJones: The girl needs to be similar to you — be on the lookout for the research -oh, what the heck: Here’s the direct link for all to see the science behind romance -yes, there ARE studies of what work and what doesn’t.

    Learn from others’ mistakes – study the research -and research the studies!

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