The Real Obama Birth Certificate Scandal

Thank the heavens. Finally there is resolution to a non-scandal I never cared about. Now America can get back to talking about the only thing less important in this world, that being the Royal Wedding.

Ok, enough talk about the Royal Wedding.

I have never cared about the Obama birth certificate issue. I repeatedly said that Barack Obama is a Christian born in Hawaii. While there are public schools that may not know Hawaii is a state, it actually is. I have also repeatedly stated that Mr. Obama loved the birth certificate issue because it made his critics look like frothing lunatics.

Sometimes people conceal stuff because they are hiding something. Bill Clinton his his medical records and Hillary Clinton sealed off her college thesis. Actually, everything the Clintons did was concealed in Whitewater fashion. John Kerry did backflips to prevent people from seeing that he had lower grades than George W. Bush, while Al Gore did not want people knowing that he flunked out of law school and divinity school.

Yet sometimes people conceal stuff because they have nothing to hide. Then the critics look foolish. I felt this was the birth certificate issue.

The issue was pointless because even if he had been born in Kenya, he would not have been fired on the spot. A lengthy impeachment trial would have taken place. 67 votes would have been required for a conviction. That never would have happened. Even if it did, Joe Biden would then have become President. Nobody wants that, and having him run for reelection as an incumbent would have only helped him. So there was no political upside to pursue this.

Pursuing the birth certificate issue was a distraction from the fact that Mr. Obama conceals virtually everything. I would have loved to have seen his college transcripts. A birth certificate tells people where Mr. Obama started his life. A college transcript gives insight into his actual views. It is too late for that now, but had the lazy slobs in the media done their jobs, maybe we would have known his thinking.

(He could always say he was younger then, but it would have been a conversation worth having. Thesis papers do matter.)

I now admit that Mr. Obama was not born in New York. My theory about him being created in an IBM laboratory has been debunked. I figure Alfred E. Neuman mated with IBM hardware, creating the computer that is our leader. It would explain the lack of empathy and emotion. Maybe IBM had a satellite office in Hawaii. Donald Trump should keep his investigators in Honolulu.

(One thing about Trump, the Celebrity Apprentice star sure got Obama to crack in ways nobody else could. That absolutely is a victory for him simply by forcing Mr. Obama to act.)

Now Mr. Obama may be pressured to release his social security number. He should not do this unless he wants every college fraternity to be ordering pizza and beer and charging it to the White House. The FBI financial crimes division will have to spend hours monitoring every transaction at Bloomingdales for fraud.

So what was the big deal? What was Mr. Obama trying to hide?

His mother.

That’s right, the issue was never Barack Hussein Obama. It was Stanley Ann Dunham.

That’s right. His mother’s name is Stanley.

Stanley? Are you kidding me?

This explains everything.

Barack Obama’s mother was obviously a hermaphrodite.

On the television show “South Park,” we found out that Eric Cartman’s mother was really also his father. Matt and Trey Stone were simply trying to offer a thinly veiled clue to the truth about President Obama.

If my mom was named Stanley I would keep that quiet as well. On “the Honeymooners,” Ed Norton told Ralph Kramden that if he wanted his son to grow up to be a fighter, “Name him Percy. He’ll get into a lot of fights then.”

This explains why Barack Obama is the most effeminate man in American politics not named John Edwards. Mr. Obama did bowl a 37, and it looked like the ball hurt his wrist. The only guy less manly than Barack Obama might be Phil Donahue.

At this point black Americans are pointing out that his father was normal. Only the Caucasian part of Barack Obama may be Hermaphrodite.

This does not make Mr. Obama bisexual, although I think it is fabulous that Americans are ok with having a transgendered president.

Now that we know what he was trying to hide, can we finally move on?

Then again, the father was not listed on the birth certificate. What if Mr. Obama is not partially Kenyan? What if he is not even partially black?

Look at the man. Look at his ears. It’s obvious his father was either Ross Perot, Dr. Spock or Prince Charles.

This means we could have our first Vulcan president. Even worse, maybe Mr. Obama is a British subversive trying to give America back to the monarchy. Maybe he admires European style social democracies because he is a closet European.

Then again, being British is not so awful. At least he is not like John Kerry denying his Frenchness.

If Barack Obama really is the son of Prince Charles, that would explain his combination of arrogance and obtuseness. Yet that would mean something even more awful.

When he and Michelle renew their wedding vows, the world would have to suffer through yet another Royal Wedding.

Please lord, no. Anything but that.

So let’s congratulate Mr. Obama on his mixed gender, 100% American heritage and get back to what really matters. His policies are dreadful.


4 Responses to “The Real Obama Birth Certificate Scandal”

  1. Dav Lev says:

    If Donald Trump runs for President, I will VOTE for him, because
    he is the honest and most accomplished of all the others ( Democrats).

    His policy (foreign) is to save US from ourselves, by not depending on
    those Chinese and Japanese. After all, Japan was our enemy only 60 ytars ago. China still kills off its female babies so Ive been told, has 500 nuclear warheads, many aimed at California. Chinas GDP will be greater than ours
    not to mention is population which already is 5 times as big.

    Think about it folks, We are bogged down in no-win wars throughout the
    Muslim world, and now are slowly becoming more entranched in a country which has 6.6m people and the size of 4 Californiaa.

    We cannot defeat a bunch of teeagers (Taliban/insurgents) in Afghanistan
    with the most lethal weapons ever created. What will we do when
    China makes its move, with our money ultimately?

    I agree that the USA should land a few marine and army divisions
    throghout Arabias oil field areas..and STAY.That resolves
    a lot of problems. We have been attacking the wrong enemy guys.

    Mr.Trump will pick a good VP. I am recommending the mayor of New York
    City. Both are billionaires and wont have to rely on the young college
    radicals and fools for economic support. Both do not need my (Jewish)
    money for help, they already have some.

    Blacks and Hispanics love what Bloomberg has done for them during his
    office. Whites seem him as a capitalist and creative entreprener.

    I like Trump. And besides, he has had beautiful women ( is a winner)
    and lovely children.

    My close firends who are Democrats, think I’ve lost it, and will
    always vote for a Democrat..Obama was to get us out of the wars
    after his election..and no new wars of convenience. Duh?

    But there is also something else. I pray to my G-d the above occurs.
    Donald needs some divine intervention.

    Oh for Secretary of State..Sarah Palin, who has more gonads than
    all the Democrats combined.

  2. This was reeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllyyyyyyyy funny!!!

    Very sordid, and very funny. You should write Parker and Stone over at South Park and suggest they do an episode to this effect. It would the coolest thing ever, right??? Imagine telling your friends that you co-wrote and episode of South Park!!!

    By the way, Seth McFarlane could have a lot of fun with this too… I know you righties don’t like Family Guy and American Dad, but really it’s the same idium.

    Oh, and throw in this for me, will ya’? It’s all yours! – Rachel Maddow is Paul Ryan! No???


  3. blacktygrrrr says:

    While I do loathe Seth MacFarlane and boycott Family Guy, I have to be honest and admit that American Dad is hilarious. I want to boycott it because of MacFarlane, but it is too d@mn funny.

    Family Guy is vile and uses cheap crude humor. American Dad is just ridiculous. Even though it tilts liberal, the episode featuring George W. Bush was a riot. I still crack up watching that one.

    For those who never saw the episode, the alien is convinced that Bin Laden is working in Virginia at CPA firm MacMillan and Sachs. He wants to capture Bin Laden so he can use the reward money to buy Dollywood Ranch.

    It is sheer lunacy.


  4. Micky 2 says:

    I wish this whole thing would go away already. But theres alreadt fringe righties drawing conspiracies tothe real document.
    Its embarrasing.
    While theres nuts on the left who think Bush was behind 911 I’m not dumb enough to try and link every liberal to that lunacy yet the left keeps trying (David Gregory & Boener) to link every con to the birther issue.
    The only reason I figured Barry didnt want to release his BC was because he might of been listed as Muslim, worse yet, Jewish
    My wife was born 2 years after him in the same hospital, delivered by the same doctor.
    The BCs are identical. There is no listing for religion.

    Yeah Eric, ever since the Family Guy “Nazi Palin” episode I dont pay them much attention.
    Not cool

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