African-American Friday

I have decided that Black Friday should be renamed African-American Friday.

If you disagree with me, you are a racist, culturally insensitive, imperialist, Fascist Nazi war-monger who would not know the difference between Selma, Alabama and Selma Diamond.

(She played Selma on “Night Court” with Harry Anderson and John Larroquette.)

Ok, that should cover everything.

In honor of African-American Friday, I think the malls should be turned into one giant redistribution social program.

Any black person buying anything today should be exempt from taxes. The lost revenue shall be tacked onto the bills of any Caucasian buying anything.

For those like our current president who are multi-racial, you must present evidence of your family tree. 50% black does not cut it. Also, Cablinasians like Tiger Woods…forget it.

Since everything in life that any conservative ever utters somehow is related to being a white, male, slave-owning oppressor, I say we just handle it today.

Also, to show solidarity with Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, I will be replacing all vanilla extract in my home with chocolate extract. They are both brown, but then again I have neither of them in my home.

For those who think that what I am saying is crazy, think about this.

I am not trying to spend an hour in traffic to get to a shopping place that is only a few blocks away. I will not be fighting with housewives (many of them not even attractive or desperate, which would make the wrestling palatable) to obtain toys for children I do not even have (according to the milk cartons they are not mine).

Have any of you heard of Ebay and Craigslist? Do you really need to get into the holiday spirit by committing bloody murder over parking spaces?

My refrigerator is stocked with enough sundries to last a few days.

So if I had to choose between spending time with black men and white women on a day like today, who would I choose?

Well let’s see. I plan to watch football this whole weekend. You tell me.

(The only color I care about is the color of the uniforms, which tells me which team I am rooting for and against. Silver and Black is the preferred combination.)

I would say more, but like you sloth has taken over. That is what several Swanson Turkey Dinners and 9 hours of football will do to a guy.

Also, I am so sick and tired of great American traditions being destroyed by those with no respect for tradition.

Of course I am talking about the fact that the Friday after Thanksgiving was always the Oklahoma vs Nebraska game. What the heck in the name of Tom Osborne has happened to this holiday?

I will deal (or not) with that later.

Time to roll myself from the couch back to the bed until the next game is on.

Happy African-American Friday all.


4 Responses to “African-American Friday”

  1. Well… that was wierd!

    Some people just like shopping and like shopping in crowds. I was talking with some co-workers today, some of them said they wouldn’t go out on Black Friday if it was the kast day of time, while others said they loved it. Me? I could go either way. Depends on the mood. It does make for great people-watching. On the other hand, it’s a very frenetic expereince. Some of the sales are very god, though, and much better than what you can find online. For most people, that’s important. These are tough times. A good sale will bring out the shoppers. Some people have it a little easier and so can afford to pay more just for less hassle. But lately, not many people fall into that category. It’s a shame that those people fail to grasp just how hard it is out there these days.


  2. Micky 2 says:

    Its “African American Friday”…

    Get it right

  3. Dav Lev says:

    Many years ago, I was shocked to hear the black national anthem.
    I didnt know there was any such animal.

    I didnt join in. I wonder if there were a Jewish national anthem, would
    they join in?

    There are all kinds of holidays, which are observed with a day off
    by some employers..including holy days.

    There is an intereting article in last weeks LA Times by
    a police officer and his opinions of profiling. He is
    basically for it, when it aids crime..but does not
    encourage it for any other reason.

    What the blacks dont get is that this is a country of countervailing
    power. As much as they want power..they are being rapidly outnumbered by the Hispanics…

    Get it…affirmative action works both ways.

  4. Dav Lev says:

    I think evangelical types who meaner around retail establishments
    should be banned outright, and subject to both profiling and prosecution for assault and or battery.

    Let me explain.

    A few weeks ago, I was accosted in a supermarket, while minding my own business. Apparently, someone thought I was easy pickins for converstaion to his religion. I really dont know why? I dont look per se
    Jewish or Muslim..I look like a German Christian or Irish Christian., blue eyes, light hair..light complexion. But maybe something about me say differently?

    Anyway, I went along with what started out as casual conversation…”where are you from”, “what did you get a degree in”. “where have you been employed” etc.

    After about 20 minutes of this very nice and polite conversation he
    approched me, big rough hands on my shoulders…revealing “the word” and “I was saved from my sins, but dont know it”.

    I wont go any further. A lady, then sat down, and he started the same
    poliite conversation with her..She went along..including the hands on.

    What he did not know was that her parents and siblings survived
    Babi Yar..wherein 120,000 Jews were slaughtered at a giant pit
    in the Ukraine during WW2. They needed saving then, and were not.

    She is kind of, well, plump, too much Russian potatoes and beef
    I suppose. But she was polite..and diidnt slam him up against the nearest
    cash register. Her son wasnt with her..who is about 6 feet 2 inches. Her
    husband is also bulky.

    I asked myself…was this profiling, or was it profiling?

    A week ago, I spotted the same guy..waiting for the next victim.
    But I suppose he thinks he is saving the rest of us?

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