My 2016 presidential decision
I began by making a presidential announcement.
https://tygrrrrexpress.com/2015/07/my-2016-presidential-announcement/
I announced that I was considering a run. That concludes the announcement stage.
Then I made a presidential exploration.
https://tygrrrrexpress.com/2015/07/my-2016-presidential-exploration/
This meant I was exploring the race. I would have set up an actual exploratory committee, but I was busy and I detest committees.
Then, against my own belief system, I offered my presidential platform.
https://tygrrrrexpress.com/2015/07/my-2016-presidential-platform/
Should I run, I offered a couple of issues I believe in despite the fact that some people would vote against me based on issues. “Cut taxes, kill terrorists” was my slogan.
Then came my first presidential speech.
https://tygrrrrexpress.com/2015/07/my-2016-presidential-speech/
Now it is time for me to offer my official 2016 presidential decision.
None of the 17 Republican candidates are Jewish. 18 is Chai, a lucky number in Jewish culture. All of the signs are there for me to be the 18th GOP presidential candidate and the only Republican Jew in the race.
There is no question that I have wide and deep popular support. Not one poll I have commissioned shows me missing the cut for the critical first Fox News debate. Neither the grassroots tea party activists or the Republican establishment have ever objected to my potential candidacy.
Style? check. Substance? Absolutely.
As a self-financed candidate I would not be beholden to any other power brokers. To save money, I would engage in no expenses rather than spare no expenses.
The biggest obstacle to my candidacy have been ugly rumors of possible bimbo eruptions. These ugly rumors must stop. The bimbos did erupt, but they were not ugly in the slightest. They were quite beautiful. I do them because I can. That breathtakingly refreshingly honest approach keeps away the blackmailers, white mailers, and Norman Mailers.
After crunching the numbers, it is indisputable that real power comes from being a captain of industry, not a politician. Given that the 2012 election severely devalued the office of the presidency, the best path to success still remains the private sector. The women are more attractive and the tax breaks are even more attractive than that.
As much as I love my country, the best way to help it is to get rich and give back. The giving back part can happen later on. Right now getting rich must comes first.
As much as I would make a fantastic president, that job requires answering to 535 little potentates demanding attention and liberal media slobs thinking they matter. As a private citizen who owns his own business, I do whatever I please whenever I please, which is always.
So while I appreciate the multitudes of people trying to draft me, the needs of my family must come first. My family is me.
For these reasons, after careful consideration, I have decided not to seek the White House. I will not run as an independent third party candidate. I will support whoever the Republican nominee is.
I thank you all for your support, and promise to use my campaign donations as a slushie fund to be spent at 7-11s all over America.
As a private citizen, my next move, like every other move I have made and will make, is my own d@mn business.
eric