THE TYGRRRR EXPRESS

Happy “Force men to spend money so your gender will leave us alone” Day!

Yes, it is February 14th.

http://www.worldloveinc.us/page/page/1391009.htm

First, let’s dispense with some myths, and contrary to what an eighth grader once wrote in an essay, a myth is not a female moth.

Myth # 1) I am against Valentine’s Day because I am lonely.

Fact–I am dating a lovely woman. We are happy.

Myth # 2) Valentine’s Day is not about bleeding mens’ wallets.

Fact–The jewelry, chocolate, flower and teddy bear industries beg…and beg…and beg…to differ…inbetween bouts of begging.

Myth # 3) Women should be treated extra special on Valentine’s Day.

Fact–Every day should be Valentine’s Day. Getting it right one day per year does not permit being a screwup the other 364 days. It means guys can clean their own laundry, put it away themselves, cook their own dinner, do the dishes, and care what their woman has to say when she is pouring her heart out (with exemptions during NFL Sundays).

I am not anti-love. I am anti-stupidity. Forced romance based on artificial timetables and constraints is the height of stupidity.

Now as much as I would like to wish sweet nothings on Shannon Doherty and every republican Jewish brunette on the planet, I need to save a certain amount of goodness for the intensely kind lady that sent me some hate mail yesterday.

She read my column entitled “repeal the 19th Amendment” and got her panties in a wad.

https://tygrrrrexpress.com/2008/01/repeal-the-19th-amendment/

I am just thankful she did not read about my fantasies involving Bea Arthur and Monique from Showtime at the Apollo. Then she would have really thought I had screws loose.

After all, how many people are convinced that C3PO is homosexual, most likely a Log Cabin Republican? How many stay up at night wondering if C3PO could win a fistfight with Wembley the Fraggle from Fraggle Rock?

Yep, I am a strange ducky, with apologies to web footed friends everywhere, especially since a duck might be somebody’s mother.

Now that my deadly serious credentials have been established, I bring you the rantings of a flaming feminist (redundant, I know). I would remark that this woman needs a good paddling on her badonkadonk, but that would inflame the situation (as well as the bandonkadonk itself), and lord knows I am not about inciting trouble. Below is her screed.

“Okay, I don’t know who you are or what this website is all about, but I think this was the most ignorant article I have ever read. Canceling the 19th Amendment? Are you mentally unstable or something? I know you were trying to make a point- I got that. But it was a stupid way of getting there. Not every women agrees with Hillary Clinton’s ideas and will vote for her just because we want to get the male population in this country back for all of the inequality it has put us through in history. Personally, I love Obama and I think he can bring about change. But if he wanted to cancel women’s suffrage, like you say you want to, I would call him a testosterone driven bigot who shouldn’t even be participating in politics.”

I shall now repeat her comments, interspersed with my own rapier wit.

"Okay, I don't know who you are…"

I am eric! I am thrilled we cleared that up!

"or what this website is all about…,"

Well don’t let me stop you from jumping to conclusions!

"but I think this was the most ignorant article I have ever read."

1)	What was the other article you read, not counting anything with pictures?
2)	Yeah baby! I’m # 1! Take that other alpha males!

"Canceling the 19th Amendment? Are you mentally unstable or something?"

I just might be….until the verdict comes back, I will go with “or something.”

"I know you were trying to make a point- I got that."

Well bully for you! I shall toss thee a cracker like I do with the other baby seals.

"But it was a stupid way of getting there."

Actually it was pretty d@ng funny to anybody with a sense of humor. You, most likely
being a feminist, lack this.

"Not every women agrees with Hillary Clinton's ideas and will vote for
her just because we want to get the male population in this country back for all
of the inequality it has put us through in history."

Life sucks, get a helmet, and stand in line behind every other victim group. I gave
at the office.

"Personally, I love Obama and I think he can bring about change. But if he
wanted to cancel women's suffrage, like you say you want to, I would call him
a testosterone driven bigot who shouldn't even be participating in politics."

I agree. Anybody who seriously advocated that would be uncivilized. I on the other
hand was not being serious. I do not believe we should take women and give them
the ketchup bottle treatment, no matter how lovely their badonkadonk. However, I
do believe any woman that interrupts me when I am watching football should come
down with laryngitis.

Oh, and Adam was blameless. It was all Eve’s fault…and nobody cares about the WNBA
or Lifetime Network. Ok, that covers everything.

eric  :)

P.S. Happy "Force Men to spend money so your gender will leave us alone"
Day, aka February 14th.

Ok all, I think the point has been rammed down this woman’s throat, which I cannot say is a location I would want myself to be, because I have never seen her pictures. Also, the woman I am dating would throttle me, and lord knows she is a patient one. She has to be. She is dating me.

Now to go plan a nice weekend for her, not because a holiday dictates it, but because she is sweet and unpretentious, and the less she asks for, the more I want to give her.

Happy February 14th everybody! For those celebrating, remember two things…

1) The J. Geils Band singing “Love Stinks,” is not the way to score points.

2) Feminists are people too. They have the same needs and desires as everybody else. They just need it from each other, not men.

eric

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 14th, 2008 at 10:15 am and is filed under POLITICS, WOMEN. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.