Archive for September, 2011

9/11/11–Tribute to our heroes: Permanent Flame

Sunday, September 11th, 2011

Today is 9/11/11. May God bless all those affected.

In honor of the heroes of United 93, I wrote the song “Permanent Flame.”

http://communities.washingtontimes.com/neighborhood/tygrrrr-express/2011/sep/11/91111-permanent-flame/

eric

9/11/11–A story of survival

Saturday, September 10th, 2011

20 minutes separated life from death.

Rather than talk about 9/11 from my own perspective, I want to bring you an interview with somebody who was in the building.

On September 11th, 2001, one of the worst days in American history occurred, and I thank God that my friend Kevin survived.

Kevin had recently graduated from the University of Southern California, and worked as a trainee at my firm. I was a 29 year old manager that was attending USC’s MBA program at night. In my spare time I was a DJ on the campus radio station.

On Saturday, September 11th, 2004, Kevin and his fiancee were on campus for a football game. The USC Trojans were back to back national champions, and looking to win it three straight years. Kevin stopped by the campus radio station, where I interviewed him about that day three years earlier.

Below is the transcript of the interview.

Eric: Three years ago I was working at a company in Burbank. We had a rookie trainee, 22 years old, stars in his eyes. The company ships him out to New York for some training. He was in the second tower, and got out with very little time to spare. His story is a harrowing one, but also life affirming. So Kevin, I am just going to turn it over to you. Tell us your story. What was that day like? How did the day start? Take us through that day.

Kevin: Thank you Eric. Taking me back, three years ago from today it’s amazing that we were at a training class of 300 people that were starting at the World Trade Center starting on Monday, September 10th. You couldn’t believe the view from the 61st floor as we met as a group, and we were so excited about our two month stay at the World Trade Center for our training program. September 11th started out as beautiful as the day before. We got to the building, went up to our floor, and went to the training program.

About an hour into the program, we were dismissed for a 20 minute break. It was during that break that the North Tower was struck by the first plane. We were actually able to see the fire. Still on break, I went over to this conference room, and saw that the North Tower was on fire. Here I was, standing there, like I had concrete shoes, because I couldn’t move. Yet I had to move because I had to warn the other people in my training class. So I ran over to the lobby area on my floor 61 and everybody was already evacuating. So I did like everybody else and joined the crowd and started down the stairs. We got down to about floor 55 when somebody came on the loudspeaker and said that an unidentified plane had struck the North Tower but that the South Tower was secure.

There was a discrepancy with the news media because reports came out that we were told everything was fine and we should go back to our office, but the speaker over the loudspeaker never said that. All he said was that we should, “remain calm, do not panic,” and people took that as “go back to our office.”

Well I stayed right there and felt like I was safer in the stairwell, and within 30 seconds the second plane hit the South Tower as we all saw on tv and all I could remember was that it was a huge jolt, a violent collision. The stairwells cracked, and we knew that something terrible had happened. We continued our descent rather down 55 more flights of stairs and got to the bottom, and as we got outside, we looked up at the towers, and both of them were on fire, in flames. For me, it was just a sense that this was probably not the best area to be around, so I tried to get as far away as I could. I got about 10 blocks away, and that’s when my tower, Tower 2, collapsed, about 20 minutes after I had gotten out of the building.

It was such an eerie thing, hearing the people screaming on the bottom of the streets, and you could hear the rumble of the towers collapse, and I thought, how many people had died. Soon after, the North Tower fell. It wasn’t until I was able to connect with my family that I felt some sense of strength. Especially with me being from California, I had no direction, nowhere to go. Looking back, it’s hard to believe that 3 years ago, 300 people from all over, our second day of training, that all of us were able to get out alive.

Eric: 20 minutes must seem to you like a lifetime now, but it was that soon after you had gotten out that the building collapsed.

Kevin: Absolutely. Everybody was wondering what had happened. We didn’t know if it was a bomb or a plane. Soon after the buildings were crumbling down. To think that as I was going down the stairs I watched 30 fireman go into the building. I thought afterwards that I don’t think they made it out. Those faces will always be etched in my mind.

Eric: I remember being in a cushy office in Burbank thinking it was going to be like any other day. When the towers got hit, the first thing I thought of was my family. I was born and raised in New York. Everybody was there. The second thing that occurred to me was that our firm had offices in that building, and I knew that you were in that building.

Now my job usually consisted of bureaucratic jobs like helping people figure out their paycheck, dealing with certain complaints. I’ll never forget the phone call I got from your father asking me, “Where’s my son?” There’s no amount of manager training that’s going to prepare you for a situation like that. The one thing your father told me on the phone was that he was not that close to you at the time.

Kevin: Right.

Eric: He was worried that he would never get a chance to tell you so many things that fathers tell their sons.

Kevin: Right.

Eric: He must have stayed on hold for 3 hours and I must have dialed a million numbers, and…I’d like you to just talk about your father, what that phone call was like, and how that relationship has been since.

Kevin: Well you’re right Eric, at the firm in Burbank, when you took that call, my dad and I had kind of lost touch for a few years for whatever reason. He had this sense on 9/11, I had mentioned in passing that I would be going out to New York for training, never told him when, never told him what day, never told him it was going to be at the World Trade Center, and he had this feeling as he saw it on tv, he had this feeling that I was there, and he made this call to the Burbank office.

It was then that he had called me in New York soon after I had spoken to you. We had this powerful phone conversation. He was in LA, I was in New York, on the phone, and we have…we’ve fostered a better relationship since then, and it’s been neat that we could look back. It’s unfortunate that it had to take something like this, but since then, our relationship has been great ever since that day.

Eric: One person who is in the studio today is your fiancee (now wife) Elena. I remember being on the phone with her and she was equally worried obviously. Elena, you being 3000 miles away….First of all, let me say, it’s good that after all this time you are both still a happy couple because a lot of couples could not handle the stress of that day. I would like you to talk about that day as somebody who was here in LA, but had a direct emotional connection to Kevin. What was that day like, and how have the days been since as you plan your wedding?

Elena: Well, that definitely was the most difficult day I have ever experienced. We didn’t know if Kevin was ok, and I automatically…we hoped for the best, but didn’t know if he was going to make it out. Like you, we made a million calls to the hotel, we both have family in the East Coast, in Boston. We prepped them up, told them to get in their cars and drive towards New York. We weren’t sure if Kevin would be in a hospital. Luckily Kevin was able to contact us 2 hours later. I then came to your office to tell you he was ok, and that was when I met you.

Since then, it has definitely made Kevin and I both kind of look at our lives differently. Every day is a day we should appreciate, and we appreciate each other, and our families, and our faith. We are excited about planning our wedding, and yeah, it was something tough to get through.

Eric: When is the wedding?

Elena: April 23rd.

Eric: Fantastic. I want to ask you Kevin, how tough was it for you to go back to work and go back in the office when you came back? Here you’ve almost been killed. You’re a rookie at the firm, and rookies in our industry, they eat dirt. They don’t get paid a decent salary. So you have to build a business from scratch. How are you able to just go to work?

Kevin: Well Eric, I think, when I got back to Burbank, I felt this overwhelming sense of purpose. I felt I was given a second chance. I was so happy with how the firm treated me as a survivor from that disaster, they really did all they could to help me build the business. I teamed up with some partners in the Burbank office, and that really was a great decision for me. 3 years later the business is strong, and healthy, and I really have learned a lot in that time. I am really happy with where I am at. I am happier to be marrying Elena, sitting next to me. She has been such an incredible force for me, she really is my best friend. That is going to help us as we get married. That will help my business, and we will be so happy together. Things are working out.

Eric: What did you do after you got to safety, after you got to the hotel? What did you do? Did you watch the news? What was going through your mind? How did you get through the next few hours just dealing with an incomprehensible situation?

Kevin: After the streets, and the smoke, and the debris, and the dust settled, we all got back to the hotel and met in the lobby. It was an incredible experience because every time a member of our group walked in we all cheered. We all had to sign in and they would then send a wire to our branches to let them know that I had checked in. Then we went immediately to the bar.

(laughter)

We were in the bar, watching CNN, and really just hung out as colleagues, hugged each other, embraced each other, cried with each other, and we actually that night were missing 20 trainees. They never checked in. Like anybody would, we thought the worst, that these people died in the tower. I had said before that everybody made it out.

There is actually one funny story. Most of the people, some lived in New York and New Jersey, they just went home. They never checked out, they just went home to their families. They were accounted for. One guy, a funny story, he exited the World Trade Center that morning, found the nearest taxicab, said, ‘take me to North Carolina.’

(laughter)

The cabbie just drove him to North Carolina. So that guy was unaccounted for for a few days, but eventually he did…he was fine. He put the cabbie up for a night or two.

(more laughter)

The guy then went back to New York City.

So, it’s just amazing that all these people from all walks of life, we all came back, we all made it out. Our company actually lost 7 people out of 5000. We were the largest tenant in the South Tower, and it’s amazing that so many were saved.

Eric: Given that you were not from New York, and that was your first experience, what was your impression of New Yorkers throughout that whole tragedy? How did you find them as human beings?

Kevin: Well you know, going out there, everyone said that the typical New Yorker is brash, and abusive, and all this stuff…and I’ll tell you, those people, when the chips are down, those people are at their best. I don’t know how I would have gotten back to my hotel if it wasn’t for the New York people telling me which Shelbourne was, to go left, to go right, and extending helping hands to me as I traveled from the World Trade Center ruins up to my hotel which was actually 50 blocks North from the Towers. I had this overwhelming feeling that this group of people, that these people were united. What a great sense of unity amid so much tragedy that these people were there to help me.

Some guy from Burbank, from LA, and they extended a helping hand. They were tough, and they really were willing to help me, and that is something I will never forget. Elena and I have actually talked about going back to New York for the groundbreaking of the New Tower, and it would be great for us to be there, and see all the strides that the city has made. I have nothing but great things to say about the New York people.

Eric: What is your faith in terms of your relationship with God before and after the tragedy? Did something like this reaffirm your faith, did it shake your faith, was there no change? Have you felt any spiritual connections since that day and those events?

Kevin: Well, obviously during the attacks, I remember going down those stairs and praying to God that we would all be saved. I mean there was a moment there when I was on the 55th floor, the 50th floor, the 40th floor, when I felt I was never going to get out of there. We knew that the building got hit pretty hard by the cracks in the walls and everything else, so yeah, I prayed, and said ‘Please, it’s not my time. I don’t want to go. There is so much more I have to do.’ As I got out of the tower and I knew I was safe there was still this sense that you know, was there another building that was going to be hit? I remember walking up the streets and thinking that maybe another building was going to be hit by an airplane, and was I safe at that point? Looking back 3 years later I think my faith is stronger. It’s hard not to think about getting a second chance, that it wasn’t my time. I think, gosh, I was on 55, and that plane hit on around 79 or 80, 20+ floors below, I probably wouldn’t be sitting here today. I have a lot to be thankful for. Elena and I are so blessed. I think our faith is so much stronger since that day.

Eric: I can tell you that I issued a meaningless proclamation in our office that day. Because I knew that there was no teeth to it. Whenever somebody in my family would get sick, my grandfather would say, ‘Nobody is dying in this family.’ He will take care of it. Somebody in the family gets cancer, something will happen to take care of it. He finally died when he felt that everybody in the family could take care of themselves.

I remember in our office when one of the sales assistants was thinking the worst, I said to her, I must have snapped at her, ‘Nobody is dying in this office. Not in my office.’ Now I’m aware that there was nothing I could do about it, but I kept telling everybody ‘Not today. Nobody in this office is dying.’ I remember when we got the news, I went over the loudspeaker and announced that you were alive. People were high-fiving, they were hugging, because we realized that even though that there was going to be a lot of pain and suffering, and there was going to be plenty of time for that, ‘Not in our family.’

Kevin: Right.

Eric: You were a member of our family. You were a new member, and it was good to know that you were ok.

One thing that I really like to ask you is how do you feel in terms of justice? Do you seek vengeance, do you have hatred in your heart towards the people who did this, do you feel that maybe there is something the United States did, are we too arrogant a country? Did we do anything at all to deserve what happened or was this just evil at its worst? Expand on that if you can.

Kevin: Well Eric, I’ve said many times, initially after the attacks, the anger was very obvious. I remember my cousin Lincoln and I were out in Boston because I actually took a train to Boston after the attacks and stayed with family for 5 days. We wanted to sign up and join the military. We obviously after a couple of beers had this epiphany that we were going to be these soldiers that were going out to fight this war that we thought was justified.

You know, I think that I can’t believe that human beings would do this to other human beings. You know, whether it’s the West vs the East, or us vs them, I’m not sure about that, but all I can say is, God loving people I don’t think seek harm to other people. This was obviously a blatant attack on human lives. That’s the part I don’t understand and makes me angry, and how would people want to inflict such harm on other people.

Our course of action has been very strong, and I think it needed to be strong. I fully support our President, I think it’s justified, and we need to protect ourselves here on our own country’s soil. The ultimate idea is how human beings could do this to other human beings, that is the issue I think.

Eric: Now 3 years since this tragedy, on the anniversary of this tragedy, you are going to be doing what any normal person, what any decent person should be doing today. You are not only going to be going to a football game, but a USC football game.

(laughter)

So, is today completely normal for you, or in the back, little down deep, is it not?

Kevin: Well you know I think that I couldn’t imagine anything else better than being at a sold out 92,000 plus USC football game at the Coliseum on 9/11, especially 3 years after the anniversary, and yes, I have had many phone calls this morning from friends and family, and Eric, I want to thank you for the opportunity to be here. It was great to hear your voice yesterday. I think that is what is special for me, connecting with my loved ones on this day. They will always remember how it felt, and how worried they were for me, and I’ll always remember connecting with them and saying that I was ok. That will always be what this day reminds me of. It’ll be great to see…to be with my friends here at the game, and also think what a great country we have. So it’s a special day for us. It’s also great that we’re here with all the other USC fans as well.

(laughter)

Eric: What would make the perfect day for you one year from today? What would make September 11th, 2005, a fabulous day?

Kevin: While I think, a couple things. If there is another USC game a year from now, that would be fine.

(laughter)

I’m ok with that. Like I said before, if Elena and I can get back to New York, and if it’s on the 4 year anniversary, that would be awesome. Just to think back 4 years from that day that what a tragic experience, and yet here we are, 4 years later, married, doing so well, and that’s something that we’ll always remember.

Either being in New York or being with other USC Trojan fans I think would be a great thing for us.

Eric: Well, I can’t thank you enough Kevin. You’ve been very generous with your time. We can continue on if you’d like to, if you have other places you need to be we can bring it short. I have a million questions I could ask you, but I want to make sure I am not taking it out of your tailgating time because I know how important that is.

(laughter)

Kevin: Well I know that my cellphone keeps ringing so we probably have to get back to the tailgate. I do want to thank you for having us here. It was a wonderful time. It was great to see you as well. Again Eric, my family speaks highly of you and how you handled that situation that day. They all called the office and said, ‘Eric took care of it.’ So I wanted to thank you again.

Eric: Well I paid them handsomely to say that.

(laughter)

All I can say is that it’s impossible for me to think of September 11th without thinking of you, and even though you and I probably hadn’t talked in 11 months and 29 days…

Kevin: Sure.

Eric: September 9th and 10th rolls around, and I’m calling your office what seems like every 4 hours, desperate to get a hold of you…

Kevin: Absolutely.

Eric: Now that we’ve got this archived on cassette, and soon on CD, from now on, the world is going to hear your story.

Kevin: Absolutely.

Eric: I just want to say that on a day like this when we think of so many tragedies, and I don’t want to minimize the tragedies, because we have had Spain on 3/11, we’ve had Russian schoolchildren..there is a positive message that I think comes out of it. Correct me if I am wrong, but that positive message is that we are stronger than they are.

Kevin: Right.

Eric: We are tougher than they are. The fact that you are here, that you are able to talk about it, and the fact that you’re able to go to a game and you’re able to laugh and joke, that you’re not having nightmares every night…is it fair to say that even though they won that battle that day that we’ve won the war of civilization?

Kevin: I think so because I think I’ll never forget the picture of the firemen that were in the rubble that held up the American flag. There was 3 of them that day, that even though there was burning building behind them, they realized that our country is going to continue and go on. I think that is what the terrorists didn’t realize. Our buildings might have been knocked down, and people died, but this country is so strong and our people are so united, and so that will never change. I think that if this was a wake up call for a lot of people to say, ‘We need to look at ourselves and look at the world and make sure that we are unified, and really unified for the causes of freedom.’

Eric: Kevin, one of the reasons this country is so strong is because it has got people like you. I appreciate you taking the time to tell your story. Thank you very much.

Elena: Thanks Eric.

Kevin: Thanks Eric.

Eric: Be well and God Bless.

Kevin is now a successful stockbroker and a happily married man. Most years I still go about 11 months and 29 days without calling him. Then 9/11 rolls around, and he dominates my thoughts. Neither he or I will ever forget that day.

Rather than end today on a heavy note, I will say that my way of healing is by flying.

On September 11th, 2005, I broadcast my final radio show on the USC Campus.

I then vowed to fly every 9/11. It was my way of fighting back.

eric

9/11/11–George W. Bush, a true leader

Friday, September 9th, 2011

He spoke to us in January of 2009.

That was when President George W. Bush gave his farewell address to the nation, in the final 100 hours of his Presidency.

http://communities.washingtontimes.com/neighborhood/tygrrrr-express/2011/sep/9/91111-george-w-bush-forever-my-president/

Luv ya Dubya!

eric

9/11/11–The NFL returns

Thursday, September 8th, 2011

Let the healing continue and the games begin.

9/11 wounded us and football helped us unite.

http://communities.washingtontimes.com/neighborhood/tygrrrr-express/2011/sep/8/91111-why-football-matters/

eric

NFC EAST:

Eagles 13-3

Giants 10-6

Cowboys 9-7

Redskins 6-10

NFC South

New Orleans Saints 12-4

Atlanta Falcons 11-5

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 7-9

Carolina Panthers 4-12

NFC North

Minnesota Vikings 11-5

Green Bay Packers 10-6

Detroit Lions 7-9

Chicago Bears 5-11

NFC West

St. Louis Rams 9-7

San Francisco 49ers 7-9

Seattle Seahawks 6-10

Arizona Cardinals 4-12

AFC East

New England Patriots 13-3

New York Jets 11-5

Buffalo Bills 6-10

Miami Dolphins 5-11

AFC South

Indianapolis Colts 10-6

Houston Texans 9-7

Jacksonville Jaguars 8-8

Tennessee Titans 7-9

AFC North

Baltimore Ravens 12-4

Pittsburgh Steelers 12-4

Cleveland Browns 9-7

Cincinnati Bengals 2-14

AFC West

San Diego Chargers 9-7

Denver Broncos 7-9

Kansas City Chiefs 6-10

Oakland Raiders 6-10

eric

Saints @ Packers (4.5)

Saints win outright

Steelers @ Ravens (1)

Ravens cover

Lions @ Buccaneers (Pick)

Buccaneers win

Falcons (2.5) @ Bears

Falcons cover

Colts @ Texans (9)

Texans win but fail to cover

Eagles (4.5) @ Rams

Eagles win but fail to cover

Bengals @ Browns (7)

Browns cover

Titans @ Jaguars (1)

Jaguars cover

Giants (3) @ Redskins

Giants cover

Panthers @ Cardinals (8)

Cardinals win but fail to cover

Seahawks @ 49ers (5)

49ers win but fail to cover

Vikings @ Chargers (9)

Vikings win outright

Cowboys @ Jets (4.5)

Jets win but fail to cover

Patriots (8) @ Dolphins

Patriots cover

Raiders @ Broncos (3)

Broncos cover

eric

9/11/11–Flying For Freedom

Wednesday, September 7th, 2011

It is time to take back the skies once and for all.

On September 11th, 2011, there is only one thing to do.

GET ON A PLANE!

http://communities.washingtontimes.com/neighborhood/911-we-remember-how-terrorism-changed-us/2011/sep/7/91111-taking-back-sky/

eric

CNN, Sarah Palin, and more liberal lies

Tuesday, September 6th, 2011

Daniel Merica is a CNN “journalist” who recently wrote a hit piece on me in an attempt to attack Sarah Palin. He can be reached at [email protected] and at 702-808-8460. Like most liberal “journalists,” he wants to make a name for himself by tearing others down.

http://communities.washingtontimes.com/neighborhood/tygrrrr-express/2011/sep/6/cnn-liberal-media-sarah-palin-their-crosshairss/

eric

Labor Day Weekend–Sarah Palin parts the clouds

Monday, September 5th, 2011

Despite torrential rains, Sarah Palin lit up the Iowa sky and lit into the failed Obama presidency.

http://communities.washingtontimes.com/neighborhood/tygrrrr-express/2011/sep/3/sarah-palin-lights-iowa/

http://www.c-spanvideo.org/program/PartyofA

It was an honor to be one of the opening acts.

eric

NFL 2011 Preseason–Week 4 Raiders Recap

Sunday, September 4th, 2011

The Oakland Raiders traveled at the Seattle Seahawks in the final preseason game. The 0-3 Raiders were resting some of their starters in preseason, but the bottom line is that this team that finally got to 8-8 last year after 7 straight 5-11 seasons or worse appears headed back in the wrong direction. I keep hearing that preseason games mean nothing, but that will be tested next Monday night when the games count.

The defense came up big for the Silver and Black when Tyvon Branch intercepted a pass at the goal line and returned it all the way to the 25. The Raiders could have struck first as Jason Campbell led them down the field. Yet Sebastian Janikowski missed a 52 yard field goal. Seabass has been very good this preseason and he is one of the strong links on the team. Yet too many field goal attempts means the team is not getting touchdowns. After the miss, Seattle drove inside the Oakland 10 before the defense stiffened again. A 25 yard field goal had the Seahawks up 3-0.

The Raiders reached midfield on their next drive but no more and punted. Shane Lechler remains another strong link. This is bad. The punter should not be one of the best players. Charlie Whitehurst came in at quarterback in the second quarter for the Seahawks and led a 13 play, 80- yard drive for a touchdown to make it 10-0 Seattle.

The Raiders responded with a 12 play, 61 yard drive that bopgged down in the red zone. Another field goal attempt had Seabass kicking a 34 yarder. He hit it and the Raiders were within 10-3 with 3:20 left in the half.

The Raiders have played some inspired defense in the preseason, but the offense has not put points on the board. The Seahawks reached a 4th and 1 at the Raiders 31, and Pete Carroll decided to go for it. A run up the middle met a Silver and Black brick wall, as the Raiders held. On the last play of the half, the Raiders tried a 53 yard field goal attempt. The kick was blocked.

In the third quarter the Seahawks drove to a 4th and 1 at the Oakland 2. Again Carroll decided to go for it and again the Raiders held on defense with an inspiring goal line stand. Yet the offense could not function with Jason Campbell or Kyle Boller at quarterback. Third string quarterback Josh Portis led a scoring drive for Seattle against the backup Raiders on defense. A 36 yard field goal by Reed put the game out of reach 13-3 early in the fourth quarter.

The Raiders received a break when Seattle fumbled a punt at midfield. Yet the Raiders could not capitalize, moving backward and punting again. The Raiders reached midfield again but turned it over on downs. With 5 minutes remaining, Vai Taua scored from 4 yards out for Seattle to end the lack of suspense.

This game was given short shrift because it deserved it. Coach Hue Jackson and his Raiders finished 0-4 in the preseason. Coach Jackson taks about wanting to “build a bully,” but in 2 of the 4 preseason games the offense tallied only 3 points.

The Raiders can make everything go away by winning their opener, but this team could begin 0-5 due to a tough schedule. They finished 0-4 in the preseason, and they look like an 0-4 team. It really is that bad.

Seattle Seahawks 20, 0akland Raiders 3.

eric

Presidential Speech Fun Saturday

Saturday, September 3rd, 2011

As speculation over whether or not I run for President reaches a fever pitch, it is time for my first major speech.

I began by making a presidential announcement. I announced that I was considering a run. That concludes the announcement stage.

Then I made a presidential exploration. This meant I was exploring the race. I would have set up an actual exploratory committee, but I was busy and I detest committees.

Then against my own belief system, I offered my presidential platform. Should I run, I offered a couple of issues I believe in despite the fact that some people would vote against me based on issues. “Cut taxes, kill terrorists” was my slogan.

The final step will be my presidential decision. Either I will run or I will not run.

Yet today is about my first presidential speech. I have been to Iowa and South Carolina. In fact, I even flew yesterday from South Carolina to Iowa. On Sunday I will fly from Iowa to South Carolina. I have n idea why I am doing this, but I was told going to those states builds speculation.

I even booked a ticket to New Hampshire, but did not get on the plane due to the recent hurricane. Nevertheless, I would have gone. It is too late to go now since I detest cold weather and it should dip below 70 degrees very soon if not already.

Nevada is the fourth early state to vote, so I may show up there if my friends want to hang out in Las Vegas. No pictures will be allowed.

Florida also may have some early clout, and I would spend time in Florida out of respect for the many fine citizens there. Also, my parents live there and they let me raid their fridge.

Regarding my speech, I will use poll tested, focus group approved buzzwords that sound lofty but mean actually nothing. The words “innovate,” “technology,” and “21st century” will be repeated despite the fact that anybody with a kindergarten education knows what century this is.

I will claim that anybody who disagrees with me is evil, while I am reasonable and centrist. I will also create straw men, saying that I am against running over small animals in my car, implying that my critics favor this.

I will praise the military because that gets applause lines. I will claim that America is the greatest nation on Earth because nobody in their right mind would claim that America is the worst nation on Earth. After all, on our worst days we are not France.

If people are unsure of where my applause lines are, I will start clapping myself so that they all follow. Then I will tell the crowd to calm down, although I really want them to keep applauding. After all, applause takes up valuable time and requires me to supply less actual content.

I will conclude by explaining that while I know the crowd could listen to me for hours, the NFL 2011 Season was about to start, and that those missing the New Orleans Saints and the Green Bay Packers were sending a message of being against Hurricane Katrina relief in New Orleans and in favor of executing all public workers in Madison.

During my speech I will do one of three things. 1) Decide I am running. 2) Decide I am not running. 3) Decide neither because it is nobody else’s business. I will decide when I am good and ready.

This concludes the rough outline of my first presidential speech. It will begin Saturday in Iowa around 1pm CST and conclude Thursday around 7pm EST in New York for a total of 125 hours. It will be less lengthy and boring than the current president’s speeches, and will perhaps fail to contain less substance.

I expect you all to listen because if I talked and you did not listen, I would be mistaken for the current White House occupant. If you all can pretend to care about what he has to say, do me the same courtesy.

eric

Welcome Back Mr. Cheney Part II

Friday, September 2nd, 2011

The liberal children remained asleep as the Republican adults continued their discussion.

Vice President Cheney completed the second part of a lengthy and substantive interview with Sean Hannity ahead of Mr. Cheney’s memoirs being released. Liberal lies including WMD need to be debunked.

http://communities.washingtontimes.com/neighborhood/tygrrrr-express/2011/sep/2/vice-president-cheney-and-wmd-no-apologies-necessa/

eric