Archive for May, 2009

It’s All Bull

Sunday, May 31st, 2009

Most of life is bull.

I deal with it every day in California. People screw things up at work, and I have to fix it.

Politics is all bull. Sure, occasionally something actually gets accomplished, but that is policy. Politics is the rodeo.

Giving speeches is bull. I just gave one in Reno, and am giving one today in Las Vegas. The audience will hopefully find the bull palatable.

Yet Las Vegas has allowed me to handle more bull in one weekend than I normally experience in a year or a lifetime.

The edible bull has nearly killed me this weekend. I saw the buffets at the casinos. I came, I saw, I gorged, and I went back for seconds, thirds, and fourths of you count dessert.

I love red meat, but this city was not built for moderation. I topped the meals off with Red Bull.

(Yeah right, it was diet coke, no ice, with lime. I am that cool. Drinking diet soda automatically counteracts the billions of cow parts consumed. The weight gained is most likely due to the starch in the taters.)

My friend Ken knows where the best bull is in this town. In fact, he knows where the best of everything is in this town.

Yet the one type of bull that I was not anticipating was the one found at Cadillac Ranch, just next to the Blue Martini. It was mechanical, and yes, without alcohol (or Red Bull, who is not paying me for this column), a combination of ego and stupidity got me on to that thing. Yep, it was rodeo time.

(For those in California, it is not pronounced “ro-day-oh” like the Harry Belafonte Banana Boat Song. It is “ro-dee-oh.”)

As for grappling with the bull, my hands are still raw.

(Insert disgusting joke on your own time.)

Mechanical bulls and tuxedo jackets don’t mix, but thankfully I was able to toss the tux top to Ken before starting.

When riding a mechanical bull, I reminded myself to stay focused and not showboat. Then I remembered who I was, and showboated. I was going to use one hand to wave my hat in the air, but given that it’s a fedora and not a cowboy hat, tossing it to Ken was the smart move. Tossing it to a hot girl would have been pointless, since I am perfectly happy with the Sacramento Queen. Also, with my luck I would not get it back.

My goal was to not have my bull riding be as nightmarish as a bad sex session, where it ends instantly, and the crowd asks if that is all there is.

(This has happened to every guy except me.)

Anyway, for dramatic effect, I slapped the thing on the hide a couple of times, although it was not nearly as nice as the Sacramento Queen’s hide.

(If her parents are reading this, I am making that part up. The bull’s hide was nice. Oh wait, that might not help matters.)

For those who have seen the Chris Farley movie “Tommy Boy,”  I have never stuck my hand up a bull’s hide. I prefer to take the butcher’s word for it.

Anyway, I rode that thing for all it was worth. (If the Sacramento Queen’s parents are reading this part, I am absolutely talking about the mechanical bull. Their daughter is as pure as Snow White in Antarctica.)

Like most of my riding sessions, I got a standing ovation when I was finished. Then again, it was a bar, and most of the people were standing before hand.

The next time I hear Big and Rich sing “Save a horse, ride a cowboy,” I will let somebody else get the glory.

Anyway, with that bucket shot of testosterone out of the way, there is only one way for a 37 year old hebrew alpha male to follow it up.

For my next trick I will be taking a 12 hour nap, followed by one last bite at the bull’s hide.

Yep, another buffet.

As for riding the bull, I am retired.


The Goode, the bad, and the ugly

Saturday, May 30th, 2009

A new television animation show will be debuted on ABC, and it has the potential to be really Goode.

“The Goode Family” is the story of a politically correct family of environmental zealots.

There are two reasons I will give this show a chance.

First of all, it is created by Mike Judge. While I did not take part in the “Beavis and Butthead” craze, I was an avid fan of “King of the Hill.”

I am still disappointed that Hank Hill and his friends are leaving after 13 seasons. In the history of television, there will never be a character as cool and incomprehensible as Boomhauer. Grandpa Cotton was also a feisty one.

King of the Hill was about a group of Texans, but did not make fun of Southerners. It made fun of those that misunderstood them.

When a Massachusetts client insisted on calling Hank “J.R.,” and asking him to wear a ten gallon hat, Hank coolly replied that “Texas has changed a lot in the last 150 years.”

When a touchy-feely liberal wanted Hank to “bond with him,” and “meld their positive energies,” Hank responded for all of Middle America when he said to the do-gooder, “How ’bout I just kick your @ss?”

Hank was just a regular guy who believed in Jesus, the Dallas Cowboys, and propane over charcoal. He was at his best lamenting about his son, saying, “Well I want to hang out with Bobby, but the problem is the boy’s not really good at anything.”

All good things come to an end. Out of King of the Hill comes the Goode Family.

Yet there is another reason that this show should be given a chance. The Goode is hated by the bad and the ugly, that being the Jayson Blair Times.

The Jayson Blair Times has become a despicable entity specifically because it treats anybody that is right of center as either being evil, or a complete imbecile. The JBT considers Sarah Palin to be a dolt. Middle America considers her to be Superwoman.

The examples are endless, but the bad and the ugly coming out of the JBT can be found most recently (until their next bucket of bile in tomorrow’s edition) in their article knocking the Goode.

“…the show feels aggressively off-zeitgeist, as if it had been incubated in the early to mid-90s when it was still possible to find global-warming skeptics among even the reasonable and informed.”

Oh, those off-zeitgeist people. Don’t you just hate them?

Being a skeptic is soooo 1990s. Only an unreasonable and ill-informed person could possibly question anything that Al Gore says. After all, he won an Academy Award and a Nobel Prize. He has to be right.

Actually Al Gore and the JBT holding an opinion is an exceptional way of determining that something is wrong. In the 1970s it was global cooling. Then we were all going to burn. Now it is called “Climate Change.” The environmentalists get the story wrong sdo often, they could qualify as JBT editors. Actually, maybe they already are.

Here is some more pompous drivel from the JBT.

“But who really thinks of wind power an allusion to which is a running visual gag in the show as mindless, left-wing nonsense anymore?”

Apparently Ted Kennedy does. He refused to allow a wind farm in front of his home because it blocked the view off of his Nantucket paradise. Now there is no way that Ted Kennedy could be a phony, liberal bag of wind himself, so he must be against the wind farm because it is an unrealistic solution.

“Mr. Judge, who remains obsessed with the insanities of political correctness, still has his head very much in the Clinton years, and it is possible to watch ‘The Goode Family’ feeling so thoroughly transported back to another time that you wonder where all the Monica Lewinsky jokes went. Sometimes youve just got to move on.”

Move on? This coming from the newspaper that thinks that FDR is in his 20th term? This from the paper that wants to throw President Bush and all of his advisors in jail? This from the paper that still gets page one stories wrong and issues mealy-mouthed retractions on page 37?

This leftist paper not only wants to declare global warming skepticism passe, but political correctness as well.

Political correctness is as ugly, insidious, and powerful as ever. As President Obama searches for a tri-racial, latino pygmy to put on the Supreme Court (settling for a Hispanic woman who is Miguel Estrada minus the qualifications), fighting back against political correctness is as relevant now as ever.

While it is a shame that Hank Hill will no longer be fighting the good fight, Mike Judge still will be.

I expect the show to succeed because Mike Judge understands that while the social message is important, the main goal is to be funny. King of the Hill did have mild political overtones, but it lasted 13 seasons because it was likable and funny.

Long live the Goode family. May they triumph over their bad, ugly critics.

eric aka the Tygrrrr Express

[email protected]

Barack Obama and Notre Dame

Friday, May 29th, 2009

President Barack Obama recently spoke at Notre Dame.

The substance of his remarks will not be covered, because, in keeping with most of his speeches, there was virtually none.

However, his visit has sparked considerable outrage, putting me in the uncomfortable position of partially defending him.

First I will begin with what he did wrong. As usual, the President was his arrogant gasbag self. He spoke about a controversial issue, abortion. He went out of his way to acknowledge the other side, before eventually dismissing the alternative point of view.

He is very polite, and speaks in a high-minded manner. However, the idea that he is anything but a left-wing partisan is fallacious. Inviting Republicans to a Super Bowl Party is not the sme as respecting them. Meeting with conservative journalists and lecturing them is not the same as listening to what they have to say.

He spoke at Catholic Notre Dame, and challenged the pro-life people in the crowd to be more respectful of the pro-choice point of view. However, he did not ask the same of the pro-choice people.

I personally stay far away from cultural battlegrounds such as abortion, but I recognize disrespect when I see it. In his typical professorial tone, he lectured those that disagreed with him to reach out. At no time does he ask the same of his supporters.

Again, he is very polite about the words he chooses, but that does not change the disdainful deeds and attitudes behind those words.

Right now he has the votes to ram his agenda down the other side’s throats. However, he may wish to treat his political opponents with dignity. Bill and Hillary Clinton took the same arrogant approach in 1992, and once Republicans seized Congress it was payback time. Mr. Obama may well wish to keep that in mind as 2009 turns into 2010.

Yet while there was plenty to find fault with regarding the speech itself, I have absolute support for his speaking there. Those at Notre Dame who tried to block the speech were wrong.

For the sake of full disclosure, I have never liked Notre Dame. To be more specific, I can’t stand their football team. I have disliked the Fighting Irish since the days of Ross Perot’s twin brother Lou Holtz. Every year I wish for the Irish to go 0-11, at which point they will still demand a bowl game. They actually think the Pope cares whether or not they win.

Yet casting aside football (not an easy thing for me to do), I believe that all speakers not engaging in true hate speech or terrorism, such as David Duke, Louis Farrakhan, Armageddonijad, or Jesse Jackson, should be allowed their platform.

If the vile people just mentioned are somehow given a platform by some idiotic Poison Ivy League university, they still must be allowed to speak. I detest the words of Armageddonijad. Lee Bollinger was an imbecile for inviting him. Yet he was a bigger imbecile for then insulting the man. The man was a guest…a horrible, vile guest, but a guest nonetheless.

Barack Obama is not a man that fits into the category of evil. He is a democratically elected President who I have substantial disagreements with. He should be treated with respect wherever he speaks.

When he speaks at a commencement ceremony for graduating students, I am absolutely opposed to people disrupting his speech. Democracy does not give people the right to shout down speakers.

For those who want to engage in silent protest, stay home. If you are a valedictorian or other notable, then you show up and fake a smile. You shake the man’s hand if he offers it to you. You absolutely do not stand backwards so he sees the back of your head. That is just rude. Holding up signs at events like this is totally inappropriate.

I will be the first to admit that those on the left are far more vicious. Ann Coulter and David Horowitz have both had pies thrown at them. This is assault. People who throw objects should be arrested. The Iraqi journalist who threw his shoes was given one year in jail, and I totally support this. Liberals will bend over backwards to find this funny, but the President of the United States cannot have his life put in danger. Suppose the shoes had an explosive device attached to them, like shoe bomber RIchard Reid tried to ignite. Would liberals still be laughing? Actually, most of them would, but most decent people would not.

President Obama must be allowed to speak in peace.

As for Notre Dame inviting him, it was totally appropriate. For one, again, he is the President. For another, most universities preach diversity, but refuse to allow ideological diversity. I am constantly excoriating liberals for refusing to allow ROTC and other military institutions on campus. Most of this bigotry comes from the left, but on the rare occasions it occurs on the right, I will call it out.

Where Barack Obama went wrong is by bringing up abortion in the way he did. He could have avoided it altogether, and spoke about issues that he had in common with the university, such as Christianity. He could have borught it up by being respectful towards the pro-life side, and left it alone. Where he crossed the line was by deliberately poking a stick at those on the other side.

I bring all of this up because I am currently on a speaking tour.

I usually speak in front of friendly audiences. I have not been in front of hostile crowds yet. Selling books makes it sensible to be in front of audiences pre-disposed to like what I have to say.

Yet I speak differently in front of College Republicans than I would in front of the Republican Women’s Federated. My language will be saltier in front of the college kids. I will be partisan in front of the Republican women, but there will be nothing even coming close to cuss words.

If I am speaking to a Jewish group that covers the entire ideological spectrum, I will tone down the partisanship. Otherwise they willnot listen to my pro-Jewish message. I will not pretend to be what I am not, but I will treat my audience with respect.

Also, if people try to turn their questions into statements or manifestos, I will cut them off. If they want to give a speech, they can develop some talent and get invited to speak, like I have been.

People who have disagreements with President Obama can and should ask tough questions. However, they should not go on a rambling diatribe. That is what blogs are for. I should know.

The left in this country were a bunch of frothing, rabid savages when President George W. Bush was speaking. I feared for his safety and prayed for his life, the abuse was so bad. The abuse was totally and completely undeserved. For eight years, too many liberals were incapable of disagreeing with the man in a civilized manner. Ironically enough, despite controlling the White House and Congress, the left is still acting like a bunch of disgusting animals. Just ask Churches that have been destroyed in California by violent peace activists in the name of tolerance.

Speakers deserve to speak, and listeners should listen. Discussion should take place when the program calls for discussion. If one is not directly involved with the event, and dislikes the event, boycott the event. If you show up, you owe the speaker civilized conduct. The speaker should keep in mind that speaking comes with responsibilities. Otherwise, there will be blame to go around when riots break out.

If riots should break out, the police should absolutely use force. If protesters don’t like it, then don’t start riots.

Freedom of speech is not absolute. I hope that speakers and attendees remember that everywhere.

I do, and look forward to speaking in a way that leads to quality events with pleased audiences.


Nevada Bound

Thursday, May 28th, 2009

The Tygrrrr Express is Nevada bound.

On Thursday, May 28th, I head to Reno, Nevada. I will be speaking to the Reno chapter of the Republican Jewish Coalition.

Naturally, I will also be signing copies of my book, “Ideological Bigotry.”

On Sunday, May 31st, I will be speaking to the Las Vegas chapter of the RJC, and signing books.

I look forward to meeting anybody and everybody that can make either of those two events.

On June 10th, I will be speaking to the Chicago chapter of the RJC, and signing books there, and doing so on July 21st in Ventura County, California.

Wherever you may be, I look forward to shaking your hand.

As for now, I just hope that Harry Reid stays in Carson City, or better yet, leaves the state for a multi-day vacation from what ever it is he actually does.

More importantly, I pray that President Obama stays far away from Nevada during my visit. There are 50 states Mr. President. Choose one of the other 49.

I say this because Mr. Obama was in Beverly Hills, California yesterday. Beverly Hills is three blocks from my home.

Mr. Obama, I just wish you would stay far away from wherever I am.

I want to make it clear that this has nothing to do with your politics. I just really hate traffic.

I mean come on, sir. My ride home should be 10 minutes, but the d@mn 405 freeway doubles that time. Today it took almost 45 minutes, although the trip could have been cut down to 30 minutes had I not stopped to pick up a sandwich for dinner. Dinner notwithstanding, 30 minutes is still frustrating.

My flight from Los Angeles to Reno gets me into Nevada with plenty of time to give my speech. As long as your motorcade does not get in the way, things will be fine.

I know you are busy, but please have your staff confer with me to make sure that there are no overlaps.

Also, please do not send Joe Biden to Nevada. The Vice Presidential motorcade is just as bad, and Biden will no doubt say something stupid that will lead off the nightly news.

I want the story to be about me. Joe can be Joe and make boneheaded comments somewhere else today.

Besides sir, what are you doing in Beverly Hills? You don’t need the money, and you certainly never need to campaign here for votes. Is that where the strategic command center for dealing with North Korea is located? I mean can’t we just get a deal done? Maybe we can send them some Happy Meals or something. They don’t want to kill or die. They want to eat.

If you can handle this North Korea thing in my absence, I would greatly appreciate it.

Also, if I could borrow one of your twelve teleprompters, that would be helpful. Public speaking is not easy. I always worry that I will leave out one line. You may not think it is important sir, but my joke about my Susan Boyle Swimsuit Calendar could be the difference between selling a book and losing the sale.

Anyway sir, I will most likely get back to criticizing you on Friday, but I will give you Thursday off since I have to prepare my remarks. Therefore, in the spirit of bipartisanship, I would like you to keep quiet tomorrow as well, at least within a 200 mile radius of Reno today and Las Vegas this weekend.

I would invite you to my speeches, but again, the traffic would be unbearable.

As I said, I will be in Chicago on June 10th, and I will even autograph a copy of my book for you. All I ask is you stay in Washington, D.C. from June 9th through the 11th.

Mr. President, I appreciate your attention to this matter. Together we can help combat ideological bigotry, which come to think of it, is the title of a groundbreaking new book that I wrote.

Ok, now that the streets are clear, it is time to get down to business.

For now, the Tygrrrr Express is Nevada bound.


Ideological Bigotry Part XX–Nancy Pelosi Implodes

Wednesday, May 27th, 2009

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is imploding. She is not just imploding as a political figure. She is imploding as a human being.

For those who need an education in reality (aka liberals), the argument has been raging about waterboarding for some time now.

I have some basic opinions on the subject. Coercive interrogation is not the same as torture. Torture involves cutting off heads and other body parts. Torture causes permanent pain. Anything that can be easily reversed is not torture. Stress positions, loud music, sleep deprivation, and adjustments in room temperature are not torture. Waterboarding is not torture.

Now unlike most liberals, who feel that anybody that disagrees with them is evil or an imbecile, I as a conservative cannot actually respect somebody holding an opposing view. Some people truly believe waterboarding is torture. They are wrong, but I will not attack their intentions.

Nancy Pelosi was not willing to let people on the right have a respectful disagreement. The Pelosiraptor is a hyper-partisan that is more interested in destroying others than lifting her own side up. What conservatives want to do to Al Queda, Nancy Pelosi wants to do to conservative Republicans.

Those who feel I am overstating the case need to observe the Pelosiraptor herself.,8599,1899778,00.html

She wanted to have Bush Administration officials brought up on criminal charges. Despite the fact the Democrats want to pretend otherwise, we are still in a war on terror. President George W. Bush did not knock down the towers. He is not the enemy. Nancy Pelosi fails to grasp this. Ironically, her supporters at refuse to just get over the 2000 election and move on.

Nancy Pelosi wants those who gave President Bush legal advice to go to jail. Does any reasonable person thinks this is anything other than a witch hunt?

(Insert Pelosi witch joke here.)

This is not about getting to the truth. It is about the politics of personal destruction.

The Pelosiraptor’s reign of terror began to crumble when it was revealed that she knew all along that waterboarding was taking place. She has since changed her story approximately five times.

She ran out of Republicans to attack. She went after the CIA. Yet Leon Panetta, a hyper-partisan liberal himself, was not willing to lose the trust of everybody below him at the CIA. He called Speaker exactly what she is on this issue…a liar.

Why couldn’t she have just let the matter drop? Why not just acknowledge that in 2002, after the worst attack on American soil in 60 years, drastic measures were taken?

Because Nancy Pelosi hates Republicans more than she cares about anything else. She is an ideological bigot.

How else can one explain why she has turned into a verbal Kamikaze pilot?

No rational person would destroy themselves just to destroy somebody else. She has become a verbal suicide bomber.

Another irony of all of this is that George W. Bush is no longer President. Unlike Democratic leaders, who insist on staying onstage long after their time has passed, Republican leaders just shut up and fade into the background. It is called grace, also known as class.

(For those that try to cite Dick Cheney, he is defending himself against attacks, which is more proof of the other side never letting go.)

Nobody would fault Nancy Pelosi had she stood up at the height of President Bush’s power and condemned waterboarding. Some would argue that the climate was too toxic politically for anybody that wanted to go soft. Americans were angry, and wanted a Toby Keith style boot sent up the enemy’s @ss.

Yet this is a lame excuse. Government by polling is followership, not leadership. Nancy Pelosi chose to stay silent. This means that She was too gutless to follow her principles, or worse, that she could care less about the issue until it became a club to hammer Republicans in general and President Bush in particular.

Implying that she is gutless gives her too much credit, because it implies that she has principles. Her career to date would suggest otherwise. In fact, I cannot remember her ever advocating a single thing resembling a policy.

Some Republicans want Nancy Pelosi to stay in power in a weakened condition. This also puts strategy above principles.

Nancy Pelosi must be fired. Every day that she pursues her Jihad against Republicans is a day that the real perpetrators of Jihad can breathe a sigh of relief.

Some will say that her behavior is “just politics,” but her behavior is truly unprecedented. She is not attacking people in power. She is going after people that have already gone back to civilian life.

She needs to go. Her departing will help Democrats, because Majority Leader Steny Hoyer is a tough guy who fights on politics without getting vicious.

Nancy Pelosi supported waterboarding when it was popular, and condemned it when it lost popularity. God forbid there is another attack, people will not be asking what Bush Administration officials sanctioned. They will be asking President Obama why he didn’t “do something.”

Nancy Pelosi is more than a political albatross. She is a nasty human being that is willing to destroy herself, provided that the people she hates also suffer.

For this and other reasons, the Pelosiraptor needs to go. SHe is too hateful to do her job. Every day she fails to do her job is a day when the terrorists have time to plan and carry out more attacks.

Americans did not automatically become Republicans after 9/11, but they sure understood that Republicans were not the enemy.

If only the Pelosiraptor and other leftists could understand this simple concept.

Then again, if they could, they would not be leftists.


Vice President Cheney Educates Young President Obama

Tuesday, May 26th, 2009

President Barack Obama has finally met his match. The Republican Party has finally found its spokesman.

Vice President Cheney is back, and people should heed every word from this man.

I have said it over and over again, and I will keep saying it. Vice President Cheney gets it because unlike his childish critics, he is an adult.

Barack Obama ran as somebody new and “post-partisan.” While most Republicans knew this was gobbledygook, President Obama won the election. Yet like a typical Democrat, President Obama forgot that the campaign was the means to an end, not the end itself. He is in perpetual campaign mode.

Mr. Obama gets away with this because Republicans have been lacking in leadership since January 20th (Some would say the entire country is lacking leadership as well, but that is for another time).

All conservatives have to be described as dumb or evil. This allows liberals to afford the rhinoplasty that keeps their noses so far in the air above us mere mortals.

President Goerge W. Bush, Ronald Reagan, Dan Quayle, and Sarah Palin have all been treated as if they weere complete imbeciles.

Yet some conservatives are too intelligent to be given the dunce treatment. Newt Gingrich may be controversial, but he is no fool. So he has to be caricatured as mean, to the point of evil.

This is how Democrats win arguments. They destroy the Republican personally, and therefore any Republican argument becomes invalid because that person said it. If Sarah Palin says something, what she says does not matter. She says it, therefore it must be bad.

Yet the one person that will not back down is Dick Cheney. He has his critics on the defensive.

Some people are wondering why Vice Presidency did not speak up sooner. I asked Dana Perino and Ari Fleischer personally when the Bush Administration would start hitting back.

The answer to why Mr. Cheney did not hit back while Vice President is because he was not the boss. George W. Bush was determined to be gracious and polite to the end, as Reagan was.

Sure, occasionally Cheney would properly express his true feelings, as when he told uber-critic Patrick Leahy what he thought of him. How else does one respond to a man that repeatedly stabs your back, and then reaches to shake your hand?

As for Vice President Cheney, I am a believer that leaders that leave power should shut up, and fade into the background. I am also a believer in Presidential prerogative, and that we have one leader at a time. So normally I would want Vice President Cheney to just be quiet and let President Obama. So why should there be an exception in this case?

Because President Obama started it. To be more specific, he never stopped it. He is running a perpetual campaign, attacking the Bush Administration on a daily basis. Does anybody remember Ronald Reagan doing this, despite succeeding the dreadful president, king of stagflation, and all around terrible human being, Jimmy Carter?

Of course not. It was beneath the Gipper’s dignity.

This dignity is the same reason why George W. Bush refused to blame Bill Clinton for the 2000 stock market crash. This crash was deeper in percentage magnitude than the 2008 stock market crash, but George W. Bush truly did want to move America forward. He had better things to do than attack an attention craving adolescent has been.

Barack Obama preaches about crossing the aisle, but he never does it. What he does is incredibly clever. He absolutely acknowledges the opposing point of view, in a very polite manner. He then goes on to completely discount that view. He preaches respect toward conservative thinkers, but then dismisses every word they say.

Yet that is partisanship. That is politics. Repeatedly excoriating a previous political administration is unprecedented.

The actual issue is the War on Terror. Barack Obama speaks in platitudes. Dick Cheney helped make all of the tough decisions.

From warrantless wiretapping to Guantanamo Bay to Waterboarding to military tribunals, President Obama is acting like a naive child that is finally realizing that maybe our enemies want to kill us.

This is not the halcyon 1990s Seinfeld decade, where a Seinfeld President can romp and laugh and play with interns fat, dumb, and happy.

This is the real world, and Barack Hannah Montana Obama needs to grow up, and fast.

Enter the adult, Vice President Dick Cheney.

Before he gave his speech, he had already cleaned the Barack Clock. His speech was set weeks in advance, and President Obama, childish little boy that he is, had to schedule his speech on the exact same day. The problem for BHMO is that President Cheney spoke to the heart, while BHMO continued his pointy headed academic speech from Notre Dame.

“When my parents came to this land, blah blah blah, nose in the air, serious head tilt, etc…”

Mr. Obama, you are liberal, you are boring, and you are wrong.

Platitudes won’t cut it. It’s about saving lives from genocidal Islamofacist lunatics. They don’t want to shake our hands. They want to cut off our heads.

Mr. Obama, you might want to start pretending that you are a Muslim sir, because once they discover you are as Christian as you say, they will kill you too.

For those that need a crash course in reality, including BHMO, here are some teachings of Cheney 101.

“Today I want to set forth the strategic thinking behind our policies. I do so as one who was there every day of the Bush Administration -who supported the policies when they were made, and without hesitation would do so again in the same circumstances.”

This is called conviction. It is not based on polls. This is why Democrats fail to grasp it.

“…whatever choices he makes concerning the defense of this country, those choices should not be based on slogans and campaign rhetoric, but on a truthful telling of history.”

This is why Vice President Cheney must keep speaking. The left must not ever be allowed to rewrite the history of the Bush years.

“Nine-eleven made necessary a shift of policy, aimed at a clear strategic threat – what the Congress called ‘an unusual and extraordinary threat to the national security and foreign policy of the United States.’ From that moment forward, instead of merely preparing to round up the suspects and count up the victims after the next attack, we were determined to prevent attacks in the first place.

We could count on almost universal support back then, because everyone understood the environment we were in. We’d just been hit by a foreign enemy – leaving 3,000 Americans dead, more than we lost at Pearl Harbor. In Manhattan, we were staring at 16 acres of ashes.”

For 30 years we did nothing. Repeated

Hold the Line

Monday, May 25th, 2009

While Memorial Day is a day to honor American fallen soldiers, I want to extend the holiday to all soldiers fighting the good fight alongside America.

I mourn the loss of soldiers in Australia, Poland, England, and every other nation that believes that liberty, freedom, and democracy make for a more peaceful world.

One nation that has always stayed loyal to America is Israel. They know the pain of war and fallen soldiers. It is in that vein that on this Memorial Day, that I think of one particular soldier that is thankfully alive and well.

I had the honor recently of meeting a British individual that served in the Israeli army. His name is Benjamin, and he is a hero.

His website, currently under construction, is “Our Soldiers Speak.”

Benjamin spoke at a program known as the Manhattan Jewish Experience, or MJE for short.

What he brought us was a presentation on the life of an Israeli soldier from an unfiltered point of view. He is not a politician or a member of the media.

In the same way that the Vets For Freedom spread the word about the battles that America faces, Benjamin offers an assessment of what Israel faces.

His presentation was given on a Friday night, the Jewish Sabbath. As is customary on the Sabbath, taking notes was not permitted. While his entire presentation was brilliantly expressed, the main point that he emphasized was that we as private citizens and lovers of Israel must hold the line.

Holding the line for a soldier means standing and being prepared to fight. Yet a commander does not order his troops to hold the line when everything is going well. It is at the very toughest moments, when weaker soldiers are tempted to turn away and retreat, that standing tall is vital. Holding the line means staring death in the face and accomplishing the mission.

Our soldiers do all the heavy lifting, and all they ask for is our support. Platitudes such as, “I support the troops” are insufficient. So are yellow ribbons.

We must do more. We must shake their hands, thank them, donate money, send care packages, and help them reintegrate back into civilian life when their mission is done.

Benjamin asked the people in the MJE Synagogue to hold the line. Hold the line against anti-Israel propaganda. Hold the line against anti-soldier lies. We must hold the line against the enemies of freedom and liberty by supporting our soldiers.

When newspapers with an ideological anti-military ax to grind print defamatory stories about soldiers, we must hold the line.

When our soldiers are made out to be barbaric killing machines, we must show their very human side.

No sane person likes war. War is hell. Yet when it is necessary, we as civilians cannot be the ones that squander the victory. We won Vietnam on the battlefield, but lost in the media. The same almost happened in Iraq.

America and Israel are locked in a life and death struggle for the right of free people to exist.

Soldiers like Benjamin will always do their part, with honor and without complaint.

We must do our part.

We freedom loving civilians must zealously protect their hard won gains.

On this Memorial Day, I wish peace for the families of all fallen soldiers.

I pray that we remain resolute.

We must hold the line.


Marc Rudov–Alpha Male and American Hero

Sunday, May 24th, 2009

The Phil Donahue era has finally ended.

The American male has a chance at salvation, and his lord and savior is Marc Rudov.

For the sake of full disclosure, the Sacramento Queen and I are doing back to back weddings in different cities. The first wedding is her family, the second one, friends of mine. Since this the “meet the parents” weekend, perhaps writing about testosterone driven maledom might not be prudent.

Yet apparently I am still typing. Now, back to American Male Patriot Marc Rudov.

Not since Al Bundy on “Married With Children,” formed “No Ma’am” have men had such an inspirational leader (side note…Al Bundy once scored four touchdowns in one game.).

Below is one of the best quotes from his site.

“Chivalry is benevolent sexism.”

Even the title of one of his books is raw testosterone.

“Under the clitoral hood: How to crank up her engine without cash, booze, or jumper cables.”

The following insight is shockingly yet simplistically brilliant.

“Men built America, landed on the Moon, and comprise 85% of legislators. So, how did America become a ‘womans nation,’ where 60% of college graduates, 50%+ of med-school graduates, 50%+ of law-school graduates, and 80%+ of veterinary-school graduates are female where Barack Obama created an unconstitutional Council on Women and Girls and now wants to institute a Title IX-like push for women in science & engineering?

Simple: men, who have a perpetual fear of not getting laid, never had any real power. Back in the day when women were home baking cookies, couldnt get credit, couldnt own property, and didnt run businesses, men had perceived power.”

The man is not a sexist pig or a neanderthal. He is just a guy that has had it.

“When men are bashed in TV sitcoms and commercials, they tolerate it. Thats why so much is on the air. Corollary: You never see woman-bashing on TV, do you?”

Marc Rudov will take on sacred cows that everybody else are gutless to go after. Nobody criticizes Oprah. Well, he does (No, I am not calling Oprah a cow. Let it go.).

“Oprah Winfrey is increasing domestic violence in America. By being Harpo remaining silent on the truth about violent women, she unwittingly perpetuates the problem.  Repeatedly excusing womens culpability and unfairly blaming men only serves to foment this pernicious societal scourge.

On March 19, 2009, Oprah aired an anti-male show about domestic violence (DV), to capitalize on the biggest news story: Rihanna. Oprah holds men totally responsible for both causing and ending DV. Outrageous! Nowhere on her show was mention of all-too-common incidents of female violence such as those involving actress Kelly Bensimon and NFL player Geno Hayes.

Instead, Oprah stridently cautioned her female audience: If he hits, hell hit again. Fair enough. Missing from her mantra, though, was: Never hit a man out of anger, revenge, jealousy, hormone imbalance, or any reason whatsoever! Also absent from Oprahs show was a reciprocal warning to men: If she hits, shell hit again.”

In the same way that there is a difference between black pride and simply hating whitey, Marc Rudov is not interested in hurting women. He simply wants to stick up for men.

Yet if people only learn one thing about this man, his advice on sex must be drilled into people’s…well, their (redacted).

“Ive written, ad nauseam, that men chase women because theyve been socialized to believe a lie: the male libido far exceeds the female libido; chasing women is the only road to sex. In fact, this lie is the single source of all stupid male behavior.

The truth is, women are hornier than men, every day of the week (hint: thats why they buy vibrators), and men dont have to pay or chase for sex ever. This is the underlying principle in my popular book ‘Under the Clitoral Hood.'”

I could go on and on, and believe me, I want to. For now, I encourage everybody, men and women, to spend lots of time on his site.

All hail the Alpha male!


Arlen Specter the murderer and other news

Saturday, May 23rd, 2009

One reason I do not read the Jayson Blair Times is because they consistently get the news wrong.

I have to admit that even a blinking VCR gets it right twice a day, making it astonishing that the Jayson Blair Times cannot even do that.

Then I began to ponder how awful my writing would be if I followed the JBT model. It is in that spirit that I present recent political news.

Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter is a murderer. It is one thing to betray people, even members of your own political family. It is quite another to kill somebody in your own home.

In 2003, in a drugged out haze, he murdered Lana Clarkson. It took six years to convict Senator Specter, since that is how long a senate term lasts.

Don’t get me wrong. He was fabulous when he sang the words “Be my little baby” in the Eddie Money song “Take me home tonight.” Yet that is no excuse for killing the nightclub hostess. There was also no explanation as to why Arlen Specter was in Los Angeles.

Things have also been rough lately for Maine Senator Susan Collins. Since her “Dynasty” stint as villainess Alexis Colby ended over a decade ago, Senator Collins has exerienced highs and lows in the National Football League. Although she lost as the starting quarterback for the New York Giants in the Super Bowl, her career has been resurrected with the Tennessee Titans. She can pass legislation, but cannot seem to pass well against the Ravens.

Roland Burris had enough controversy on the field winning a Super Bowl for the Giants, but for a guy schooled in Chicago politics, he was pretty dumb shooting himself in the leg in that nightclub. Then again, perhaps Rahm Emanuel shot him and bribed Governor Blagoyevich to cover it up.

Kent Conrad of North Dakota has been missing in action for years. Some people say it is because he is from North Dakota. Others think that the weight gain did him in. He was good on “Jake and the Fatman,” but time caught up with him.

One of the worst television shows in history was the “Days and Nights of Chris Dodd.” Then again, even the Lifetime Network is too masculine for this Senator. Both he and Molly Dodd developed breasts due to years of hard living.

Mel Martinez of Florida has not been the same since “Santa Barbara” went off the air. Then again, Florida is a neverending soap opera. I would talk about the romance between Cruz and Eden, but I never watched that schlock.

John McCain of Arizona is an American hero. He saved this country by making sure that the bad guys in “Die Harder” did not control the airport. He had help from Senator Fred Thompson of Tennessee.

Robert Menedez of New Jersey is more evil than Arlen Specter. It is not just that he is a liberal in a screwed up state. No matter how high taxes in New Jersey are, that is not an excuse to snap. Unlike Arlen Specter, who killed some obscure actress, Senator Menedez and his brother killed their parents. That is cold.

Ben Nelson of Nebraska and his brother Bill Nelson of Florida are even more talented than former Governors and current brothers George W. and Jeb Bush. Yet Ben and Bill made a terrible mistake when they cut their hair. Despite success on the “After the Rain” album with the hit song “I can’t live without your love and affection,” they never reached the level of success that Ozzie and Harriet did.

In West Virginia, the Robert Byrd Flu has been connected to the divine swine flu, and has even infected Georgia Governor and chicken magnate Sonny Perdue.

Mark Pryor of Arkansas hasn’t been the same since he burned himself while free-basing cocaine. Even by Arkansas standards, that seems like bad behavior.

Since drugs and music seem to go hand in hand like alcohol and firearms, it is no surprise that Jack Reed of Rhode Island took a “Walk on the Wild Side” and ended upon the “Dirty Boulevard.”

Edward Kaufman of Delaware languished in obscurity, partially because he is from Delaware. Yet he has now reached mythic status. While his wrestling with women is unseemly, most wrestling in Congress is unseemly. He has been lionized by pop group REM, which would be an accomplishment, except that the group is REM.

Sherrod Brown of Ohio has not scored a touchdown in many years, but his work as a member of the “Dirty Dozen” is justification alone to have him in the Hall of Fame.

These are the people running our government. So what is more sad? The fact that this is the best I could come up with? I don’t get paid for it.

It is worse that the Jayson Blair Times, which claims elite status, repeatedly gets stories wrong.

We get the government and the media we deserve.

Yet our government is elected by the people. They can be fired.

As for the Jayson Blair Times, they are an over the hill celebrity way past their prime. Like Arlen Specter, they can insist that the bodies littered in their house of media malpractice were accidental suicides. Like Arlen Specter, their explanation rings hollow.


Rabbinical history has been made

Friday, May 22nd, 2009

Rabbinical history has been made.

I love history. I am not a “history buff” by any stretch of the imagination, but to see something done that nobody has ever done before is exciting.

I find baseball colossally boring (spare me the hate mail, I’m right), but still found the home run chase between Mark McGuire and Sammy Sosa to be exciting. The taint notwithstanding, when Mark McGuire hit his last home run on the last day of the season, and the announcer yelled, “70 is now a reality,” it was significant.

Regardless of what one feels about President Obama’s policies, his election is socially and culturally significant. I personally prefer Michael Steele, and his ascendancy to the head of the Republican National Committee should be a nationwide source of pride.

From Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin walking on the Moon to the inventions of the automobile and the internet, American exceptionalism has led to a greater world.

On June 6th, a small Jewish congregation in North Carolina will have a new Rabbi.

For the first time ever, the Rabbi is a black woman.

She was not given any special treatment. She went through the rigorous process that it takes to become a Rabbi. She excelled because she is special.

I have never met Alysa Stanton, but I am rooting for her.

While I really do not like making assumptions, I am going to assume that she is politically liberal. She is black, female, and Jewish. Reform Judaism is quite liberal (unlike their Orthodox counterparts that are often right of center).

I hope that she does not teach liberalism in her Synagogue because I want to root for her. I hope she remains apolitical, because from a Jewish standpoint, she is a treasure.

I have a deep respect for those that convert to Judaism, because it is an agonizingly long process. It truly is a test of faith. I am glad I was born into the religion, because I am not sure I would have made it through the Rabbinical equivalent of boot camp. The Sacramento Queen is going through it, and I am trying to be supportive of her efforts.

While Judaism does not proselytize (it is forbidden), I think it would be wonderful if her role in the community leads to more black Americans learning about my faith. There is tension in this country in sme areas between blacks and Jews, and she could be a unifying figure.

One mistake I do not want to make is to expect too much of her. In the same way people have unrealistic expectations for the very mortal President Obama, some people may project their desires of saving the world onto Ms. Stanton. Tiger Woods, for example, has no interest in leading social causes. He simply wants to get rich and play golf. This is his America. We have the right to not only be activists, but stay quietly on the sidelines.

While Judaism, and being a Rabbi, does have political overtones, there are so many other responsibilities.

There are marriages, childbirths, and Bar-Mitzvahs, but too often there are divorces and deaths. Clergy people are doctors for our souls. They have to sometimes help people cope with impossible situations. When the cancer patient in the hospital is lonely, the Rabbi cannot just turn away.

Ms. Stanton will have a tough job ahead of her, but for now I hope she enjoys every moment of adulation thrown her way.

Congratulations Rabbi Stanton. You have made history.