Archive for February, 2010

Chile Fried Hockey Sunday

Sunday, February 28th, 2010

Today is Chile Fried Hockey Sunday.

With Chile, keep the people in your hearts. The idea that this was not as bad as Haiti because “only” 300 (since updated to 700) people died is not the case. Hundreds of thousands of people are displaced or have damaged homes. Keep them in your hearts, love them, and pray for them.

As an American, I was listening nervously on the radio yesterday hoping that Hawaii would be spared. There was even talk of a Tsunami hitting Los Angeles and San Diego. I was in Arizona, but am back in Los Angeles. Driving in an Arizona rainstorm is not fun, but by the time I reached Las Vegas the night skies were clear and safe all the way home.

Weather will do what it does and we are at its mercy.

In America, the Gold Medal hockey game against Canada takes place. Canada has home ice advantage in Vancouver. America has the memories of the 2002 shellacking we took at Salt Lake City, Utah.

Some may question focusing on the Olympics when world tragedies are happening, but this is not fair. We have to live our lives. This does not make us insensitive or uncaring.

If America loses today I will order the burning of all copies of the movie “Canadian Bacon.”

Anyway, I drove last night from Kingman, Arizona to Los Angeles. I am fried.

This concludes Chile Fried Hockey Sunday.


Update: We lost 3-2 in overtime. The President should immediately begin carpetbombing Canada. They are the scourge of the North.


How Bout Them (Jewish?) Cowboys!

Saturday, February 27th, 2010

This lighthearted column was written before an Earthquake rocked Chile. I have nothing to say about that today until we know more. I hope Hawaii is spared. Like the rest of you, I am praying.

At lunch I am speaking to the Arizona Republican Women’s Federated at their state meeting in Yuma. Then later tonight I am speaking at the Kingman GOP Lincoln Dinner.

Now for a very lighthearted prewritten musing.

Comedian Steven Wright once remarked that he met a blonde Chinese woman who had a bizarre illness. She was a nymphomaniac who was only turned on by Jewish Cowboys. He responded by introducing himself and saying, “Hi, I’m Bucky Goldstein.”

There are very few if any Buck Goldsteins.

When Jimmy Johnson was coaching his football team to back to back Super Bowls, his popular refrain was “How bout them Cowboys!” Yet the players were not Jewish.

Actually, at least one of them was. Offensive lineman Alan Veingrad was on the 1992 championship team, so he was a Jewish Cowboy.

Yet this is not about the team that owns Dallas, Texas. This is about real cowboys.

A country music song once lamented, “I’m tired of make believing…they’re all the things they say…Are there really any cowboys left…in the good old U.S.A.?”

The search for cowboys has been few and far between. Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush were derisively called cowboys,  but they were ranchers, which was the complete opposite.

Trying to find cowboys is like trying to find Jews in certain parts of Arizona. Believe me, I know. While Phoenix and Tucson have Jewish communities, Yuma, Lake Havasu, and Kingman have slightly more Jews than Libya.

While this is discouraging, a Synagogue in Tucson allowed me to find both Jews and cowboys.

This past Friday was Rodeo Friday in Tucson. When the rodeo is in town, kids get off from school. Temple Emanu-El incorporated the rodeo into their Friday night services.

This week was Western Shabbos.

Congregants were encouraged to show up in their jeans, belt buckles, and ten gallon hats. They were instructed to check their six shooters at the door.

Rabbi Samuel Cohon led a fun service. He referenced the cowboys of yore, and somehow related it to the Jewish service of the week. It was the first time I can recall Kinky Freedman being part of a service.

The final prayer was “Adon Olam,” as is customary. There are many different versions of it, but I have never heard any prayer Hebrew or otherwise be sung to the tune of “Home on the range.”

Tonight is the Jewish drinking holiday of Purim. Sadly enough, with Tucson in the rear view mirror, the area of Kingman I will be in has almost no Jews. So either I drive to Las Vegas or somewhere else, or sit out partying this year for Purim.

Then again, it has already been an adventure, and that is what life is about.

So thank you Temple Emanu-El. I will be back.

How Bout Them Jewish Cowboys!


Mr. Obama, Enough Already!

Friday, February 26th, 2010

Yesterday I spoke to the Pima GOP ladies. Today I have the Pinal GOP ladies, in Saddlebrook, Arizona, near Tucson.

I said yesterday that I was not going to be covering President Obama’s newest self-indulgent waste of time. People who say I should be open-minded and just hear him out at some point should concede that he has had enough chances to speak. Nevertheless, hours driving in a car allowed for me to hear more than enough to determine that he is completely wasting our time.

When a liberal tells a conservative to “be bipartisan,” that liberal is really telling the conservative “shut up and agree with me.”

When people reject what the left offers, the left claims that their opponents are either evil or stupid.  Claims that they did not explain it right means that we are complete dolts too unsophisticated to grasp concepts. Claims that we have no interest in coming to the table attacks us as bad people when the truth is that dialogue is not the same as monologue.

Let’s start out with a basic premise that will anger conservatives. Barack Obama has every right to ram through his agenda. He won the election. He has healthy majorities in congress. If he rams through a left-wing agenda and we on the right dislike it, too d@mn bad. We lost the election and have to shut up and deal with it.

However, my objection with Mr. Obama is not that he wants to ram through an agenda I dislike. That is what elections are for. My problem with him is that he keeps telling us that he wants to be bipartisan. He doesn’t. He is an ideologue. He wants to govern from the left. I do not believe the right should refuse to deal with him out of spite. However, we have every right to refuse to deal with him until he starts speaking honestly.

Here is the truth, with a lowercase “t.”

Republicans did not block health care reform. Democrats did. The Democrats had a filibuster proof majority in the senate and could not get the job done. Again, there is absolutely nothing the Republicans could have done to block the bill. Failure to enact Obamacare is 100% the fault of the Democrats.

Barack Obama is not coming to the table because he is bipartisan. He knows that the Democrats are a bunched of undisciplined children that can’t govern. If they could, his bill would have become law.

The next truth is that Mr. Obama wants the Republicans to agree to his bill. He does not want to enact any Republican proposals.

Republicans favor legal reform. He is against it. His concern that legal reform would allow corporations to crush innocent victims is bogus. There can be a compromise legal reform bill that limits frivolous lawsuits while still allowing legitimate ones to go forward. Mr. Obama will not stand up to the trial lawyers.

Selling insurance across state lines would lead to competition, which is good. Mr. Obama is masterful at saying that Republican ideas should be “looked at,” which his way of pretending to acknowledge opposing views before completely discounting them.

Mr. Obama is even trying to revive the public option. Republicans do not want this.

So what is the solution?

I personally think Mr. Obama should try and ram his bill down our throats. Then when he fails, he and the Democratic Party should face the deserved humiliation, as they did with Hillarycare in 1994.

The Republicans should absolutely not cave in to this man.

Flash back to 1992. In a recession, Tom Foley and George Mitchell convinced President George Herbert Walker Bush to agree to raise taxes. Vice President Dan Quayle correctly pointed out that he would be breaking his word, ending his presidency.

President Bush gave a speech about how he hated to do it, but that he really wanted to work with the other side. The Jayson Blair Times praised him for compromising.

What was his reward? Foley and Mitchell and the rest of the Democrats called him a liar for breaking his “no new taxes pledge.” He was fired.

Politics are like the cartoon Peanuts. Democrats are Lucy, and Republicans are like Charlie Brown trying to kick the football. How many times do we have to get fooled before we realize that the other side wants to bury us?

The Democrats screwed up health care reform. They desperately want Republicans to come on board so that if the bill fails, blame will be spread out.

Hell no. Let me say this again. Hell no.

President Obama keeps saying we have no ideas. We have plenty of ideas, and he keeps rejecting them. Either he adopts some of our recommendations, or he tries to pass a hyperpartisan bill on his own.

(Tomorrow I will explain WHY the Democrats cannot pass it on their own, and what is causing their own members to immolate themselves. It involves Barbara Boxer.)

Barack Obama keeps saying that the people want his bill. Therefore, he should pass his bill with his party and get all the credit if it succeeds. He is scared of blame, which tells me that he knows the people are not buying what he is trying to sell.

The left can cry and throw temper tantrums about GOP obstructionism, but it is a lie. They have the votes. They are too gutless and useless to do anything with the votes.

There is no need to talk anymore. It is a waste of time.

Meetings are useful when both sides are willing to listen and compromise. Mr. Obama wants face time in front of the camera in the hopes that the public will become weary with the Republicans and demand his bill be passed. This was the strategy that allowed Bill Clinton to defeat Newt Gingrich during the government shutdown of 1995.

Mr. Obama wants to talk everybody to death until the public says “enough already.” Then pressure will fall on Republicans to cave.

This cannot happen. Mr. Obama should not be rewarded for his own intransigence.

The bill is a bad bill. He refuses to change it. Having a meeting with the other side is not the same thing as taking concrete actions.

Mr. Obama did not definitely promise to put one GOP proposal into the bill or remove one liberal poison pill out of the bill.

He also promised to focus on jobs first, but he cannot let health care go.

He could sign a smaller bill eliminating restrictions on preexisting conditions. In 1994 Hillarycare collapsed, but after the GOP took over congress we got the Kennedy-Kassebaum portability bill. It was good legislation.

Barack Obama wants what he wants, and he will not stop until he is dragged kicking and screaming to the center.

Republicans should hold the line. If we can get Bill Clinton to agree to a balanced budget, we can get Barack Obama to move as well. He is mortal, despite his own visions of grandeur.

Hours and hours of wasted time accomplished nothing. Mr. Obama talked, blathered, lectured, and nothing changed.

Mr. Obama, either pass your own bill, or work with the Republicans.

Just stop talking. Nobody that matters believes you any more.

Enough already.


Prius Rage

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

I am not covering the Obama meeting with Republicans. I only cover actual news.

Yesterday had me in Yuma, Arizona. Today is Pima County, which contains Tucson. I am speaking to the Pima GOP ladies at lunch. I am in a rental car, and I can assure you, it is not a Prius.

As Priuses break down and cause carnage, congressional hearings are being held. In a vacuum, this would be fine. However, let’s be honest. Toyota has for so long been a far superior firm to Ford, General Motors, and Chrysler. I wonder if those companies will ever be called on the carpet. Given that Barack Obama own them, don’t bet on it. These hearings are a thinly veiled protectionism.

Having said that, I am not losing sleep over Toyota. If every Prius spontaneously combusted, the world would be a better place.

I admit it. I have Prius rage.

Every time I see a Prius, I want to pull the owner out of the car and give them a savage beating. I refrain from doing this because given that Priuses are driven by liberals, the chances of a minority driver would be sky high. Then it would be a hate crime.

The judge would never believe me that I did not pummel a guy because of his skin color, that it was really his car that provoked me.

Priuses are wrong on every level, and the world will be better when they are eradicated.

Let’s start with the aesthetics. The Prius is a hideously ugly car. Owners can make all the excuses they want, but they sound no different from people with ugly dogs, cats, or children. The car is ugly. It looks disgusting.

If that were the end of it, I would deal. It isn’t, so I won’t.

As the comedy South Park put it, Priuses are bad for the environment. They lead to an overdose of smug.

Not smog…smug. Prius drivers love letting everybody else know how morally superior they are. The car even has a chair position to make sure their noses are tilted high enough in the air for us all to bow down to.

These environmental phonies have no idea (or do know and don’t care) that the car does nothing for the environment. The battery alone leaves a bigger carbon footprint than anything else out there in a normal car.

What is it about hybrid owners that turns them into insufferable bores?

Why can’t hybrid drivers shut up and drive?

Even conservative Republicans get tough to listen to when they drive hybrids.

I love Sean Hannity. Yet he keeps mentioning his Escalade. Republican hybrid drivers are not braggarts. They are grovelers. It is their way of saying “please like me. I am not an evil Republican. I am a good person.”

Screw that. I say burn forests and build shopping malls.

(Whether I believe this is not the point. The issue is I refuse to say politically correct things. Either you like me or you don’t, but I am not going to kiss your politically correct @nus to win your worthless approval.)

Conservatives driving hybrids need to realize they will be hated no matter what. Stop talking about the hybrid. The left will never respect you under any circumstances.

Some will wonder why I have such hostility toward Prius drivers. Why can’t we all just live and let live?

Because they will never stop interfering with my life.

Here is the real crux of the issue.

If you want to be politically on the left, fine. Just get the ever loving blood hades out of the left lane.

I can’t stand it when I miss a light because the Prius in front of me is driving slow because they are busy taking time to smell the roses up their @nus.

Driving in the right lane does not make one politically conservative.

Yet instead of pulling to the right, they log up the left lane, with traffic congestion blending in with their own toxic self-satisfaction.

This is bad enough. Yet what really chaps my hide worse than Mistress Evil on a Saturday night is that Prius drivers get to use the diamond carpool lane. Why the hell should they get that privilege? Why should they get to their destination early while I am mired in traffic?

The carpool lane is for two or more drivers. It is not for government social engineering to play favorites. The reason why Prius drivers think they are better than everybody else is because the government tells them they are.

People driving ugly cars that hurt the environment and are now mechanically unsafe should not be given equal treatment, much less preferential treatment.

When I have the right to get from point A to point B without these obnoxious gasbags interfering with my right to move faster than an ice cream truck, then I will relent.

Let every Prius blow up until all the hope and change bumper stickers are off the road. May they blow up without the owners inside so that I am not accused of lacking compassion.


My event with JD Hayworth

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

At the 2010 Lake Havasu Lincoln Day Dinner, I had the pleasure of being the opening speaker before keynote speaker JD Hayworth.

Congressman Hayworth is running for the Arizona Senate seat currently held by John McCain.

(I am publicly neutral in the race. As is my custom, I do not get involved in primary fights, especially since in 49 states it is none of my d@mn business. I will support whoever wins the primary in the general election.)

I originally met Congressman Hayworth at the 2008 GOP Convention in Minneapolis. He was hosting his radio show. Yet two years later, he was not covering an event. He was the event.

Congressman Hayworth has angered many Republicans by taking on an American hero in a contested primary. Yet this is America, and he is exercising his freedom by running. He began his remarks by balancing the dichotomy of trying to replace a man that is universally praised as an American hero.

“There is never an easy or good way to take on this issue. Men like john McCain make it possible for all of us to even have disagreements.”

“This is not personal. We have disagreements in public policy.”

“Thankfully in America, we follow the political process. We decide elections with ballots, not bullets.”

“I take polite but profound exception to some of John McCain’s political decisions.”

“I supported John McCain for President in 2000. Yet the John McCain of 2000 is not the John McCain of 2010.”

“In the Fall of 2008, Hank Paulson and Ben Bernanke panicked. We were given the Chicken Little notion that the sky was falling. John McCain was part of the hysteria.”

“John McCain pointed out that I voted for an earmark dealing with money for snake eradication. John McCain also voted for that earmark.”

“A half-truth is the same thing as an outright fabrication.”

“I don’t believe that John McCain meant to mislead people. Yet with five million dollars on hand, he could afford to spend some of it and hire better researchers.”

“When it came time to bail out the mortgages, John McCain was standing next to and listening to Hillary Clinton. Anybody who is listening to Hillary Clinton is not listening to the people of Arizona.”

“John McCain joined Joe Lieberman to support cap and trade.”

“This year, when running for reelection, McCain left cap and trade to Lindsay Graham and John Kerry. Well which is it?”

“Many Senators love to raise taxes. I never operated the Capitol Hill version of H & R Block.”

“It is said that the power to tax is the power to destroy. Well the power to lower taxes is the power to employ. This was understood by Calvin Coolidge, JFK, Ronald Reaga, and George W. Bush.”

“With George W. Bush in 2001 and 2003, I had an active hand in writing those tax cuts.”

“McCain called the Bush reductions tax cuts for the rich. Now he wants to vote to extend them even though he voted against them.”

“We should rename the Straight Talk Express the Double Talk Express.”

“We should provide two chairs for John McCain at his next town hall in case both John McCain’s show up.”

“Governments cannot create wealth.”

“Everything we need to learn about Barack Obama can be learned from Chicago, Cook County, Illinois.”

“Justice on left means taking from the productive and giving to the idle.”

“Defending our borders and sovereignty is the job of our government.”

“John McCain supports comprehensive immigration reform, or as we call it, amnesty.”

“Border security is national security.”

“There is a securtiy threat and an invasion that must be stopped.”

“I respect John and his service, but four times enhanced interrogation techniques prevented another 9/11 style attack on us.”

“McCain is an enabler to dangerous Obama policies. McCain voted to confirm Eric Holder.”

“McCain voted to close Guantanamo Bay and bring them here. Illegals are not citizens of the United STates. Enemy combatants are not citizens. They have no rights confirmed upon them.”

“You can send a message on August 24th, 2010, in the primary.”

“I am not interested in reducing the rate of growth in spending. I want to cut spending.”

“Cut taxes, and enforcement first.”

“Some will set up a straw man saying that we cannot throw twenty million people out of the country. We don’t have to. When you enforce the law, people obey the law.”

“The Governor of Sonora is complaining that too many of his citizens are coming home. This is because Maricopa Sheriff Apaia is enforcing the law.”

“Sheriff Apaia is endorsing me.”

“This election is about John McCain and the Washington, DC establishment versus we the people. I proudly stand with you.”

As a man from California, I stand with Arizona Republicans and respect their decision. John McCain is a hero, but that is not what the election is about. JD Hayworth has fundamental policy disagreements with John McCain. The voters will decide who they trust going forward.

What I will say is that I judge people in how they behave when the cameras are off and nobody is watching. JD Hayworth did something nice for me that went far beyond his call of duty.

I could not find my car after the event. It was dark, I was driving a rental, and I have no sense of direction. He and one of his high ranking staffers spent more than a few minutes helping me find it. They had other places to be, and I am not even an Arizona voter.

Nevertheless, one of them walked with me while the other one checked other areas. Between the three of us, we found it.

Regardless of how the campaign turns out, I am grateful to have met him again, and thankful for his friendship. I wish him well in life always.


Back to the Desert

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

The Tygrrrr Express is headed back to Arizona. Politics will have to take the day off, returning tomorrow.

I just drove from Arizona to Los Angeles on February 20th. Only 3 days later, it is time to turn right back around and drive back to Arizona. I have 8 events in 5 days.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010—I will be speaking to the Yuma County Republican Central Committee in Arizona at 7pm. Please contact Cody Beeson for details.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010—At 7am I will be an in studio guest of radio host Russ Clark on KBLU 560AM in Yuma, Arizona.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010—I will be speaking to the Yuma County Republican Women’s Federated in Arizona at lunch. Putter Inn, 1245 West Desert Hills Drive, Yuma 85365. Please contact Anne Booth for details.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010—I will be speaking to the Yuma County Young Republicans in Arizona in the evening. Chretin’s Mexican Food, 16th Street & Arizona Avenue, Yuma, AZ 85364. Please contact Cody Beeson for details.

Thursday, February 25, 2010—I will be speaking to the Pima County Republican Women’s Club in Arizona at 11am at the Sheraton Hotel. 5151 East Grant Rd, Tucson 85712. Please contact Leslie Fromm for details.

Thursday, February 25, 2010—I will be speaking to the Pima County Young Republicans in Arizona in the evening. RESCHEDULED. Details to follow.

Friday, February 26, 2010—I will be speaking to the Pinal Republican Women’s Federated in Tucson, Arizona at 11am. 64500 E Saddlebrook Blvd, Saddlebrook, 85739. Please contact Jo Ann Evans for details.

Saturday, February 27. 2010—I will be speaking at the Arizona Federation of Republican Women State Convention in Yuma at 10:30am at the Radisson Hotel. Details to follow.

Saturday, February 27, 2010—I will be speaking at the Kingman Lincoln Day Dinner near Lake Havasu, Arizona. Please contact Ray Cullison for details.

Politics matters, and the news is the world we live in on a  macro level. Yet on a micro level, life is about living.

Flying down the highway headed West…

In a streak of black lightning, called the Tygrrrr Express.

Eastbound and Down.

See you tomorrow.


Ishtar Monday

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

Today was going to be Mish Mosh Monday, but I think I already did that one. Ishkebibble might be too tough to spell, so today is Ishtar Monday. I never saw the movie but my dad said it was terrible.

While all of the events in the news could be their own separate column, time does not allow for that. Forgive the short shrift.

The lead story is the successful witch hunt of Bernie Kerik. Anyone who has ever lived in New York knows what a real hero looks like. Rudy Giuliani did not become one of the greatest mayors of all time without a top notch lieutenant.

Nothing currently happening changes Bernie Kerik’s 30 years of service or his heroism on 9/11.

He reached a plea agreement with the state, only to see the federal government take a second bite at the apple. While legally this is not double jeopardy, it certainly violates the spirit of the law. Also, when prosecutors recommend 27 to 33 months and the judge gives 48 months, we see a liberal activist judge run amok. Liberal activist judge almost seems redundant at this point.

For those wondering why Bernie Kerik was attacked, one only needs to look st Scooter Libby. George W. Bush was President, and Rudy Giuliani was on his way to succeeding him. The vitriol toward those two men is well documented, and Mr. Kerik is another pawn that needed to be sacrificed for a greater liberal “good.”

Was Mr. Kerik blameless? No. Should he be sitting in jail while Christopher Dodd, Bill Clinton, and John Edwards roam free? Absolutely not. Bernie Kerik was hated because he was tough on crime, and don’t think for one minute that the leftist judge didn’t take delight in taking down one of the men who instituted tough crime measures. This was pure political payback. It was vengeance. Heroes deserve better.

The judge lives in a safer world because of George W. Bush, Rudy Giuliani, and Bernie Kerik. Streets from Manhattan to Iraq are safer because of Bernie Kerik. Nothing will ever change that.

Back to real criminals, John Edwards will not go to jail. He and his wife are human parasites, and they nearly brought down an entire political party.

Everybody is now piling on John Edwards, but I am so sick and tired of everybody treating Elizabeth Edwards with kid gloves. This woman rivals Hillary Clinton in the Lady Macbeth department.

People are scared to death to criticize Elizabeth Edwards because she has cancer. It took liberal columnist Kirsten Powers to cut through this. When Sean Hannity would start would start with the obligatory “my heart goes out to her,” Ms. Powers rightfully stopped him and asked, “Why do people always have to say that?”

The reason is because we do not have equal freedom of speech in this country. Conservatives must bend over backwards to show “compassion.” Ms. Powers gets to speak truthfully because she is a liberal. Well here is some cold hard truth from a conservative who says what most people are often thinking.

I have a relative who has cancer. She is a dreadful human being that can’t die fast enough. She contributes nothing positive to this world, and I may kick her coffin when she is gone.

I would rather be this way than be phony. I won’t miss her.

I absolutely do not extend the same sentiments toward Mrs. Edwards, since I do not know her and have never met her. What I do know is that she was willing to put an entire nation at risk due to her own selfishness.

The Monica Lewinsky trial was not about sex. It was about lying under oath. What liberals are now understanding is that the President of the United States cannot ever put himself in a position to be subjected to blackmail. Had anybody discovered the affair, would they have blackmailed Bill Clinton on legislation?

John Edwards messed up. He broke his marriage vows. Had he refused to run for president again, he could have privately lived his life without shame. Human beings make mistakes.

Elizabeth Edwards knew that a presidential run could uncover the truth. She did not care. She was going to be first lady, America and her own political party be d@mned. She is a selfish woman who married a man who made his living lying to people. She is every bit as bad as he is. I do not wish death upon her. I wish for her her to live her final years in relative obscurity, away from the cameras. As for her husband, he will escape jail because he is as politically correct as he is morally repugnant.

While the bad hang on forever, the good leave us with a void. We lost a great American a couple of days ago as Al Haig died. He lived to the age of 85. I would say more, but others will offer more eloquence than me. Al Haig is in heaven, where he belongs.

Another man is 86 years old, and had a health scare. I do not agree with the politics of Frank Lautenberg, but to be 86 and facing stomach cancer is tough. He is a fighter, and we all hope he makes a speedy recovery. Besides, by New Jersey standards, he is a fairly honest politician. He has never to my knowledge been linked to corruption, which says a lot for him in that state. Yes, he is politically correct, but at his age, if there was something, it would have come out. Get better, Senator Lautenberg.

I did watch some of CPAC, but will not be providing gavel to gavel analysis. I heard Glenn Beck on the radio while driving, and while he was magnificent, I prefer the optimism of Limbaugh to the gloom and doom approach. Times are tough, and I believe we will do what is right to fix things. This is not arrogance or hubris, just respect for the resilience of my fellow American citizens.

CPAC was a complete waste because the Paulbots hijacked the event. The voting age should be raised to 30, because teenagers have proven that they do not take their responsibilities seriously. Ron Paul is a gadfly, and nothing more. Anybody that thinks he is a serious candidate ignored the 2008 results. He is a cult figure with a tiny fanatical following. Luckily, there are enough serious Republicans that will settle on a mainstream candidate with an ounce of electability.

The Paulbots spent the last couple years talking to each other, and were shocked when their candidate received so few actual votes. Ron Paul represents the Republican Party as much as George Wallace would represent the Democrats today. His meaningless “victory” did nothing but devalue CPAC. He has every right to run as a third party fringe candidate as he has in the past, but he is not a Republican. It is the Paulbots who can either join the mainstream Republican Party or get lost. It is not the responsibility of the party to bend to them. They can have their moment in the sun, but mainstream candidates should absolutely ignore them, especially on foreign policy. Isolationism is stupidity. We live in a global world.

The only good political news has been the Toyota Prius, which now seems as defective as its owners. I admit it. I have “Prius rage.” I will have more to say about that in the coming weeks, but for now I am thrilled that my least favorite car on Earth is being recalled. Now to stamp “reject” on the forehead of the owners and move on to the next fake environmental savior. The Prius does nothing to help the environment.

Despite failed Priuses, life gets so depressing, and politics often seems to crush more spirits than it raises up. People are starving for optimism and good news. It is in this vein that once again sports has provided a ray of sunshine.

Thirty years ago the United States Olympic Gold Medal hockey team took down the Russians at Lake Placid, New York. Eleven years later the Berlin Wall came down. Ronald Reagan did his part, but Herb Brooks and Mike Eruzione get very honorable mentions.

Then America fell on hard times. Russia was no longer a threat, but new enemies emerged. In 1993, Canada won the World Series and the Stanley Cup as the Twins beat the Braves and the Canadians beat the Kings.

In 2002, the ultimate indignity came when the Canadians humiliated us our own soil with a 2002 @ss-kicking at Salt Lake City, Utah.

This was worse than losing to the Iranians in soccer because nobody cares about soccer.

The Japanese were a brief threat, but Joey Chestnut defeated Kobayashi in the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest to win the Yellow Mustard Belt in Coney Island, Brooklyn.

Yet America needed to defeat the new evil empire of sports, Canada.

Yes, the Mighty Ducks and Tampa Bay Lightning defeated the Calgary Flames and some other team from the scourge of the north, but most of the players were Canadian.

Finally in 2010, 30 years after Lake Placid and 8 years after the humiliation of Salt Lake, America defeated Canada on their own soil in Vancouver. By a score of 5 to 3, America reigned supreme. Now we don’t have to bomb them. I mean we do have the best military, and they have, what, Celine Dion?

(Thank you Evan Sayet for that joke. I never tire of that one.)

The world of politics may be a complete and utter disaster, but at least all is right in the world of sports. In only 6 1/2 months, football season returns.

This includes Ishtar Monday. May their never be a sequel of that supposedly awful movie or its equally comparable dreadful tribute from this column.


Ping Pong Ball Sunday

Sunday, February 21st, 2010

The Wheels on the Tygrrrr Express need to be rotated.

I drove yesterday from Las Vegas to Lake Havasu Arizona, participated in a fundraiser, and then drove back to the People’s Republic of Los Angeles. On Tuesday I drive back to Arizona for a swing through the state consisting of 8 events in 5 days.

There is little in the news today, but a couple items shall me mentioned because I feel like it.

In football news, Kyle Boller is the backup quarterback of the St. Louis Rams. The Rams went 1-15 last year. Normally being the backup quarterback on the worst team in football would be a thankless job, but things are already looking up for Mr. Boller. Not only do the Rams have the top pick in the draft, but Mr. Boller has just become engaged to Miss California Carrie Prejean.

I have never met Kyle Boller, but I have met Ms. Prejean. Some people are incapable of separating politics from anything else, so they have a predetermined and uninformed opinion of her. I have met her and gotten to know a member of her family. They are all lovely people. They are nice, gracious, and respectful of others.

I wish Carrie Prejean and Kyle Boller much happiness, and am thrilled for Carrie’s family.

The other people I want to mention today are Kathryn Moore and her husband David.

I met Kathryn Moore when I spoke to the Balboa Bay Republican Women’s Federated in Newport Beach. She and her husband invited me to a fundraiser to benefit the relief effort in Haiti.

While Mr. and Mrs. Moore are both Republicans, this was a non-partisan event. Between the silent auctions, casino games, and world class entertainment from talented musicians, a great time was had by all. Guests paid $500 per plate, as thousands of dollars were raised for Haiti.

I mention this because there seems to be some illusion that Republicans don’t care about people. This myth has been propagated for too long. Good people come from everywhere, and the notion that Kathryn and David Moore are aberrations is nonsense.

Some people talk about compassion. What I saw in Newport Beach was the best of the human spirit. It was also people that put in a ton of hard work. Event planning is not an easy thing to do. As somebody who speaks to crowds, I just have to show up. Kathryn managed to pull together a gala extravaganza. As she would freely admit, she had plenty of help.

Her company is MyStyle 2020. They bring style, grace, and class to people looking to make upgrades to their wardrobe and beyond. I recommend that everybody thank Kathryn for her good work by visiting her site. As you can see from the home page, charity is a big part of her life.

Haiti is not a political issue, and as time goes by people tend to forget. This should not happen. Keep helping in any way you can.

As for me, I need to rest up. The ping boll of my existence is only 48 hours away from going back from whence I came.


Cable Saturday

Saturday, February 20th, 2010

Today is Cable Saturday. After several days in Las Vegas, today the Tygrrrr Express is bound for Lake Havasu, Arizona for a Lincoln Day Dinner with JD Hayworth. Then I drive back to Los Angeles and sleep all day tomorrow.

I leave politics behind on the weekends from a blogging standpoint, but this lack of sports action is killing me.

Here is the condensed non-sports non-report.

In Tiger Woods news, golf is still boring.

In golf news, Tiger Woods is still boring.

In harpie hag news, Gloria Allred is still herself. I wouldn’t spank her with a stolen paddle.

While America was obsessed over one of the most boring men playing one of the most boring non-sports, Iranian mullahs were planning to get nuclear weapons, and North Korea was planning to sell them. The media could talk about this, but that would take time away from a guy who takes a funny shaped stick and uses it to hit a ball into a gopher hole.

In baseball news, I am still praying the players go on strike again. It is not too late to cancel the season.

In Olympics news, the medal for least interesting non-sport is a tossup between golf, soccer, and every sport at the Olympics except the hockey game between the United States and Canada. Now that America won the Cold War, I can’t even get worked up over the Russians.

Therefore I am declaring today Cable Saturday.

No, not Tom Cable, the head coach of the Oakland Raiders.

No, not Jim Carrey, even though he was the Cable Guy.

To be more specific, I am declaring it Larry the Cable Guy Saturday.

Git ‘Er Done! (The initials spell out GED, an interesting acronym given the education level of his critics.)

I saw him yesterday at the Buffalo Bill Casino, and he was hilarious.

For the elitist snobs that look down on him, keep acting like yourselves. It’s not for you anything. It’s a regular American thing. You wouldn’t understand.

While some of his humor is crude and low-brow, this guy is no dummy. He shifts easily from politics to sports to every day life.

One line about him meeting Hillary Clinton had me cringing and laughing at the same time. He said that he was standing next to her for a few minutes, but did not make conversation. After all, it is not polite to talk to strangers in the men’s urinal. Just look straight ahead and don’t stare.

I met Larry afterward, and he is a nice guy. He now has a copy of my book, and I genuinely hope he enjoys it. I know I enjoyed his book.

As a huge fan of Smokey and the Bandit, I thought it was awesome that the show ended with the Jerry Reed song “Eastbound and Down.”

Some may say that Larry the Cable guy does not merit an entire column, but what the heck should I talk about? Snookie?

Never mind. Let it go.

Anyway, it is time to head on out Eastbound and Down myself from Nevada to Arizona, and then Westbound and Down back to Los Angeles.

Somebody get me either naked pictures of Jeanne Pirro or Gloria Allred fully dressed and wearing a feedbag.

I need sleep and peace and quiet….and football to return soon.

Git ‘Er Done!


A Texas Suicide Bomber

Friday, February 19th, 2010

Only three months after an Islamofascist murdered soldiers at Fort Hood, Texas has become the victim of a suicide bomber every bit as evil as the perpetrators of 9/11.

A 53 year old man named Joseph Stack took a plane and flew it into an office building containing  IRS workers.

This was an act of murder.

I am not interested in his manifesto. I don’t want to understand him. I don’t want to get to the root causes of why this happened. A madman engaged in an abominable act.

Like many, my heart goes out to the families who lost loved ones.

Regardless of where one is on the political spectrum, I implore my fellow Americans not to make this a political issue.

As a conservative, I am waiting to have thus guy linked to every right of center person or group on Earth.

Any moment now talk radio, tea party people, and conservative politicians will be blamed for this. Politicians who take strong anti-tax positions will be accused of fomenting anti-IRS hatred.

Every mainstream conservative had condemned what one awful man did.

This has nothing to do with people that feel that tax cuts spur economic growth, or that government spends too much.

There is zero correlation between wanting lower taxes and flying a plane into a building.

On September 20, 2001, President George W. Bush made it clear the one billion Muslims were not to be blamed for the actions of 20 evil people. President Bush was right.

Well now the 50% of the country that is politically right of center should not be indicted for the actions of one man.

I am waiting patiently to see if the left will let this one go, or if they will exploit this tragedy and blame the right.

This act had nothing to do with politics, economics, or 1040 forms. It was one man who committed one tragic evil act.

To imply otherwise would be to justify evil.

Suicide bombers are evil. There is no political cause that justifies suicide bombers. Whether in Israel, Iraq, or Texas, murderers are murderers. No political or religious philosophy sanctions the murder of innocent life.

The only proper thing to do in this situation is pray to God that something like this never happens again.