Archive for October, 2013

Obamacare? No, Obama does not care

Wednesday, October 30th, 2013

Obamacare: If you like your President, you can keep him

Every meaningful comment regarding Obamacare can be applied to Obama himself.

“If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor. If you like your plan, you can keep it.”

If you like your president, you can keep him.




How Obama really thought up Obamacare

Monday, October 28th, 2013

Was Obama stoned when he thought up Obamacare?

Maybe President Obama was stoned when he came up with Obamacare.



The only sin that ends an Obama employee’s career

Monday, October 28th, 2013

Obama employees finally fired and held accountable

Finally people are being held accountable.

Two Obama employees have been fired in recent days, fitting an unmistakeable pattern.



NFL 2013 Week 8 Recap

Sunday, October 27th, 2013

NFL 2013 Week 8 Recap

Here is the NFL 2013 Week 8 Recap.

Carolina Panthers at Tampa Bay Buccaneers was the Thursday night game. Sometimes a winless team can play inspired football in a nationally televised night game in front of the home fans. This was not that game. Cam Newton led a 15 play, 70 yard drive that consumed nearly 9 minutes. A one yard touchdown pass to Greg Olsen made it 7-0 Panthers.


After a Tampa Bay field goal, in the second quarter Deangelo Williams ran for a 12 yard touchdown to make it 14-3 Panthers. Tampa Bay did get another field goal before the half but in the third quarter Newton ran for a 6 yard touchdown.


In the fourth quarter Newton hit Mike Tolbert for a 3 yard touchdown and Graham Gano added a 29 yard field goal as turnovers set up a short field for both scores. Despite giving up a late garbage touchdown, the Panthers cruised to keep the Greg Schiano Bucs toothless, winless, worthless, and 14 losses from surpassing the orange creamsicle winking pirate Bucs of the 1970s. 31-13 Panthers



Dallas Cowboys at Detroit Lions—Matthew Stafford easily moved the Lions 90 yard as a 2 yard touchdown pass to Calvin Johnson put Detroit up 7-0. Dallas would kick a 53 yard field goal in the second quarter. Just past the 2 minute warning, the Lions faced 3rd and 5 at the Dallas 27. Stafford was intercepted by Lee, who returned it 74 yards to the Detroit 4. Tony Romo hit Dez Bryant for the score as the Cowboys led 10-7 at intermission.


Dan Bailey again hit from 53 as the Cowboys led 13-7 after three quarters. Early in the fourth quarter the Lions faced 4th and goal at the 2, and Jim Schwartz decided not to gamble. The field goal got the Lions within 13-10. Romo then came back and hit Terrance Williams for a 60 yard touchdown as the Cowboys got some breathing room up 20-10.


Stafford quickly led the Lions 80 yards as a one yard touchdown run by Joique Bell got Detroit within 20-17. Yet Romo kept firing, and a 50 yard touchdown to Dez Bryant had Dallas back up 27-17. Stafford again rapidly moved the Lions 80 yards and this time Reggie Bush got in from one yard out to get the Lions within 27-24. Bailey hit his third field goal from 44 yards out with one minute left to give the Cowboys a 6 point lead. Yet they did not lock the coffin.


From the Detroit 20, Stafford hit Megatron Calvin Johnson for 17. Megatron had over 200 receiving yards on the day, and with him now being triple teamed Staffor went to Durham for a 40 yard gain. Stafford then went back to Johnson for 22 down to the one with less than 20 seconds to play. With Dallas expecting a spike. Stafford leapt over the top as the ball just broke the plane of the goal with 12 seconds to play. Dez Bryant threw a sideline tantrum and nobody can blame Romo for this loss. 31-30 Lions





Cleveland Browns at Kansas City Chiefs—Brian Hoyer went down, Brandon Weeden played like Brandon Weeden, and now Jason Campbell got his first start on the road against Kansas City, the NFL’s lone unbeaten team. Ryan Succop hit a 42 yard field goal in the first quarter and a 35 yarded in the second quarter to put the Chiefs up 6-0.


Alex Smith led a 14 play, 82 yard drive that ate up 7 1/2 minutes and concluded with a 12 yard touchdown pass to Anthony Sherman. Campbell came right back with a 39 yard touchdown to Josh Gordon to get the Browns within 13-7. Yet Smith went deep to Dexter McCluster, who made a diving 28 yard touchdown catch to make it 20-7 Chiefs with one minute left in the half. Cleveland aded a field goal just before the half to get within 20-10.


The Browns hung tough and in the third quarter Campbell hit Foswhitt Whitaker for a 17 yard touchdown to get the Browns within 20-17. It may have been the first ever touchdown by a Foswhitt. With 17 seconds left in regulation Succop hit his 3rd field goal from 40 yards out to put the Chiefs up by 6. Campbell needed 80 yards for the win and a West Coast Offense dink and dunk pass came up 71 yards short as Walrus Lite Andy Reid and the Chiefs got to 8-0. 23-17 Chiefs






Miami Dolphins at New England Patriots—Ryan Tannehill hit Brandon Gibson for a 4 yard touchdown and then in the second quarter found Daniel Thomas for a 5 yard score as the Dolphins took a surprising 14-0 lead on the Patriots. Stephen Gostkowski hit a 34 yard field goal to finally get the Patriots on the board, but Cale Sturgis responded with a 52 yarded to make it 17-3 Dolphins at halftime


Miami missed a chance to extend the lead in the third quarter when a touchdown pass was dropped. Then a 56 yard field goal try clanked off the upright no good. Tom Brady made the Dolphins pay, taking them down the field. A touchdown pass to Dobson had the Patriots within 17-10. Tannehill was then nailed on a blindside blitz, resulting in a fumble that the Patriots recovered at the Miami 13. Brandon Bolden ran it in from 2 yards out to tie the game 17-17.


The go-ahead touchdown pass by Brady was called back due to a penalty, but a field goal had the Patriots leading 20-17 after three quarters. In the fourth quarter Brady led a 12 play, 82 yard, 6 minute drive. Steaven Ridley ran it in from 3 yards out to give the Patriots a 27-17 lead. With Miami trying to make it a one score game, a field goal try with 4 minutes left was blocked. There was no leverage penalty this time. 27-17 Patriots





Buffalo Bills at New Orleans Saints—Buffalo fumbled on the first play from scrimmage as each team missed a field goal early on. Buffalo then fumbled again to give the Saints the ball at the Buffalo 21. Drew Brees hit Lance Moore for a 15 yard touchdown to make it 7-0 Saints.


In case anyone wonders who now quarterbacks the Bills instead of EJ Manuel, his name is Thaddeus Lewis. He threw a 13 yard touchdown pass to Steve St. Johnson to tie the game. When Dan Carpenter hit a 37 yard field goal, the Bills had a surprising 10-7 lead. Yet the Saints still have Brees, and he hooked up with Kenny Stills on a 69 yard touchdown to make it 14-10 Saints. Brees hit Jimmy Graham for a 15 yard touchdown pass just before the half to extend the Saints lead to 21-10.


In the third quarter Brees went back to Graham for a 13 yard touchdown and 28-10 Saints lead. Fred Jackson scroed to get Buffalo back within 11 late, but Brees’s 5th touchdown pass was too much for Buffalo as he hit Stills again for a 42 yard score to ice things. 35-17 Saints




New York Giants at Philadelphia Eagles—The Giants got their first win of the year last week and faced off against the underwhelming Eagles in a battle for the NFC Least. The vaunted Chip Kelly offense with michael Vick back at the helm was lifeless. Josh Brown was the only player on either team to show up. He kicked field goals in the first quarter of 40 and 44 yards and in the second quarter connected from 33 and 46 as the Giants led 12-0 at the break.


Brown’s fifth field goal from 27 yards out in the fourth quarter extended Big Blue’s lead to 15-0. With 4 minutes left and the Giants in total control, a Giants punt went awry when the snap sailed over the punter’s head. The resulting gift touchdown was what the vaunted Chip Kelly “offense” mustered on this day. 15-7 Giants





San Francisco 49ers at Jacksonville Jaguars—God may save the Queen, but nobody can save the Jaguars. They traveled all the way to London to play the 49ers in a “home” game. They are now awful on two continents.


In the first quarter Frank Gore ran for a 19 yard score and Colin Kaepernick had a 12 yard touchdown run. On the second quarter Kaepernick threw a 2 yard touchdown to Vernon Davis and ran for a 9 yard touchdown as the 49ers led 28-0. Jacksonville fulfilled their quota with a field goal to trail 28-3 at halftime.


Chad Henne did get the Jaguars in the end zone in the third quarter with a 29 yard touchdown to Mike Brown, but Gore ran it in from 2 yards out have the 49ers back up 35-10. A 47 yard fumble return by Dan Skuta for another score just added to the humiliation. 42-10 49ers 





New York Jets at Cincinnati Bengals—After a big emotional win against New England, as expected the Jets came out flat against Cincinnati. Red Rifle Andy Dalton threw a 9 yard touchdown pass to Marvin Jones and a 4 yard touchdown pass to Jermaine Gresham as the Bengals led 14-0 early on.


In the second quarter Dalton was intercepted, giving the Jets the ball at the Cincy 30. Gang Green settled for a 45 yard Nick Folk field goal to trail 14-3. Dalton quickly moved the Bengals 86 yards as a 6 yarder to Jones was Dalton’s 3rd touchdown pass in a 21-3 Bengals lead.


After another Jets field goal, the ensuing kickoff was returned 71 yards by Brandon Tate to the Jets 29. Dalton’s 4th touchdown pass was a 14 yard toss to Jones as the Bengals cruised 28-6 at halftime.


The Jets began the third quarter with Geno Smith throwing the ball to Chris  Crocker, who plays defense for the Bengals. The 32 yard interception return made it 35-6 Bengals. After the Jets inspired their team with a third field goal, Dalton’s 5th touchdown pass was the fourth one to Jones, a 6 yarder to make it 42-9 Bengals. Smith then began the fourth quarter completing a pass to Adam “Pacman” Jones, who also plays defense for the Bengals. The 60 yard return ended the mismatch and got Cincinnati to 6-2 atop the AFC North. 49-9 Bengals




Pittsburgh Steelers at Oakland Raiders—The Raiders began the game at their own 7 yard line. On the first play from scrimmage, Terrelle Pryor electrified the crowd with a 93 yard touchdown run to make it 7-0 Raiders. Later in the quarter Rashaard Jennings blocked a Pittsburgh punt to set up Oakland at the Steelers 26. Darren McFadden ran it in from 7 yards out to make it 14-0 Raiders.


Late in the first quarter Pryor was intercepted give Pittsburgh a short field. Shawn Suisham hit a field goal early in the second quarter to get Pittsburgh on the board. Yet with Pryor scrambling all over the place, a wildcat snap to McFadden went for a 4 yard touchdown run as the Raiders led 21-3 just past the 2 minute warning. The Raiders had nearly 200 yards rushing in the first half.


The Raiders got it back with a short field at the Pittsburgh 46. A pass over the middle by Pryor was straight in the receiver’s stomach, where it bounced out and was intercepted. Pittsburgh missed a 34 yard field goal to end the half. In the third quarter Ben Roethlisberger led a 9 minute drive but again the Steelers came away empty when Suisham missed a short field goal.


An interception of Roethlisberger had the Raiders in good shape, but then Jacoby Ford fumbled a simple swing pass deep in Oakland territory. On 3rd down from the 9 Roethlisberger somehow avoided a sack and hit Emanuel Sanders for the touchdown to get the Steelers within 21-10 with 12 minutes left in regulation.


The Raiders quickly went 3 and out and the Steelers took over at their own 40. Yet the Raiders dodged another bullet when a long Pittsburgh completion was ruled incomplete. The Raiders went into a complete shell on offense and a punt return by Pittsburgh had the Steelers starting at the Oakland 31 midway through the fourth quarter. Yet the Raiders again received a break when a short Big Ben pass was jarred loose for a shoestring catch interception. The Raiders ran three straight times and punted again.


An exhausted Oakland defense thought it had the game locked up with an interception with 90 seconds to play. Yet defensive holding meant 1st and goal as the Steelers got within 21-18 with a 2 yard Le’Veon Bell run and two point conversion. The onside kick failed but the Steelers still had 2 timeouts left. The Raiders ran 3 straight times again and punted. The Steelers got it back at their own two yard line with 18 seconds left and 0 timeouts. A completed pass over the middle was enough for the clock to run out. It was hideously ugly, but the Raiders, as Al Davis would say, just won baby. 21-18 Raiders





Washington Redskins at Denver Broncos—Peyton Manning quickly moved the Broncos 77 yards as a 6 yard touchdown to Wes Welker got the Broncos on the board first. Midway through the second quarter the Redskins were backed up to their own 5 yard line. Robert Griffin III led a staggering 16 play, 95 yard, 7 minute drive. With less than 30 seconds left in the half, RGIII hit Leonard Hankerson for a 7 yard touchdown to tie the game 7-7.


In the third quarter Manning made two key mistakes. First he was sacked and fumbled, and the Redskins recovered at the Denver 19. Alfred Morris did the rest as a one yard touchdown run gave the Redskins the lead. Then Manning was intercepted by Deangelo Hall, who returned it 26 yards in front of a stunned home crowd as the Redskins led 21-7.


Manning came back and moved the Broncos 75 yards as a 4 yard touchdown pass to Monte Ball got Denver within 21-14. Manning then led Denver 83 yards in 16 plays and 5 minutes. On the first play of the fourth quarter, John Fox decided to go for it on 4th and goal from the one. Manning hit Joel Dreesen for the touchdown and the game was tied 21-21.


Special teams played a role when a shanked Washington punt netted only 15 yards. From the Washington 35, a short dumpoff to Knowshon Moreno went all the way for the touchdown as the Broncos led 28-21. RGIII was then sacked and fumbled, which led to Denver again facing 4th and goal at the one. This time John Fox took no chances at the 19 yard Matt Prater field goal made it 31-21 Broncos. Griffin was then intercepted for another short field.


Manning hit Denarius Thomas for a 35 yard touchdown to make it 38-21 Broncos. Griffin was then intercepted yet again. In what was not an instant replay, with RGIII on the bench, Kirk Cousins was intercepted for a touchdown by Dominique Rogers-Cromartie as Mike Shanahan failed to get revenge against the second team that fired him. 45-21 Broncos




Atlanta Falcons at Arizona Cardinals—A battle of underachieving teams saw Atlanta kick a field goal to lead 3-0 after the opening quarter. In the second quarter Carson Palmer threw a 10 yard touchdown pass to Larry Fitzgerald to put the Cardinals out in front. Atlanta added another field goal to trail 7-6. Yet one play later the Cardinals were in the end zone again as Andre Ellington took a handoff inside and bounced to the outside for an 80 yard touchdown run and a 14-6 Cardinals lead. Arizona got it back and Palmer hit Michael Floyd for a 15 yard touchdown to make it 21-6 Cardinals.


A forgettable second half had the Cardinals tack on a pair of field goals and the Falcons reach the end zone long after the outcome had removed all doubt. Neither of these teams are going to the playoffs despite having talent. 27-13 Cardinals




Green Bay Packers at Minnesota Vikings was the Sunday night game. Patterson got the crowd rocking 13 seconds into the game by returning the opening kickoff 109 yards for a touchdown to tie the NFL record and giving the Vikings the 7-0 lead. Then reality set in. Aaron Rodgers led the Packers 90 yards in 11 plays and 7 1/2 minutes, with an 11 yard touchdown pass to Jordy nelson tying the game 7-7.


In the second quarter Green Bay kicked a field goal and Minnesota added one of their own, but after that Green Bay dominated. Rodgers went back to Nelson for a 76 yard touchdown to make it 17-10 Packers. Hyde then returned a punt 93 yards for a score to make it 24-10 Packers. Adrian Peterson did run it in from 8 yards out to get the Vikings within 24-17 at halftime, but after that the Packers took over for good.


A 15 play, 80 yard drive consumed 8 minutes and ended with Eddie Lacy getting in from one yard out to make it 31-17 Packers after three quarters. Starks had a 25 yard touchdown run in the fourth quarter and Mason Crosby kicked another field goal to make it 41-17 Green Bay. Minnesota scored a couple times to make the score look almost respectable, but it was not as Green Bay got to 5-2 to lead the NFC North and Minnesota fell to 1-6 and the cellar. 44-31 Packers


Seattle Seahawks at St. Louis Rams was the Monday night game. Pete Carroll and Jeff Fisher both know defense, and this game was an old-fashioned streetfight. With Sam Bradford injured, Kellen Clemens had to face off against Richard Sherman and the Legion of Boom. A short field allowed Greg “the Leg” Zeurlein to kick a field goal and get the Rams on the board first. In the second quarter a 39 yard interception return by Sherman gave Seattle a short field. A 2 yard touchdown pass from Russell Wilson to Golden Tate had the Seahawks up 7-3 at the break despite only 42 yards of total offense.


The Rams drove deep in the third quarter, but on 4th and 2 from the Seattle 10 Jeff Fisher opted for the field goal. With Seattle clinging to a 7-6 lead, one play changed the game. Wilson went deep to Tate for an 80 yard touchdown as Seattle led 14-6. The Rams moved deep again but on 3rd and goal from the 3 Clemens was sacked. A third field goal got the Rams within 5 points early in the fourth quarter. The Rams missed a chance to get closer when Zeurlein’s fourth field goal try from 50 yards out was no good with 8 1/2 minutes left in regulation.


With 5:42 to play, the Rams got it back at their own 3 yard line. Despite being harassed all game, Clemens moved the Rams down the field. Stacy ran for 8 and 18, and Clemens hit Givens for 21, Richardson for 8 and Kendricks for 18. Richardson then ran for 5 and 10. On 3rd and goal from the one, Richardson got stopped. The entire game came down to one play. With 4 seconds left, on 4th and goal at the one, Seattle sent an all out blitz and Clemens threw incomplete. Seattle survived to get to 7-1 atop the entire NFC. 14-9 Seahawks





Basket cases: Just say no

Saturday, October 26th, 2013

Screwed up people do not get better


In the dating world, compassion can only go so far. More importantly, it should only go so far. There are times when we all know what course of action to take, and yet move in the opposite direction or stay still to our emotional detriment.


There is one thing normal, emotionally healthy people need to remember.


Screwed up people do not get better.


Hollywood loves fantasies about the person who overcomes alcohol or drug abuse to become a successful vegan horticulturalist hero.


In the real world, alcoholics keep drinking and drug addicts keep doing drugs. There are exceptions, but they are called that for a reason. Most of these people have multiple relapses.


This is where the compassion fascists rear their politically correct heads. After all, it is easier for them to show empathy for the person engaging in self-destructive behavior than the well-adjusted person trying to get through the day without society’s powder kegs.


Mental illness, despite protests from counselors, is absolutely a deficiency. Mental illness comes in many different forms, but the bottom line is that crazy people do not become normal. If the word “crazy” is too harsh, then force every mental health professional to sleep in the same bed with a lunatic for a few weeks until the political correctness is drained from their body.


A normal person can only stay awake so many nights worried sick over a spiraling partner before the healthy person is broken down and exhausted themselves.


Some people are just the kings and queens of trainwreckistan, and the rest of us have zero obligation to put up with them. When a man has a morning business meeting, panicked telephone calls at 4:00am because she is arguing with “voices” is not acceptable.


People often make excuses for these people and their repeated messes. The phrase, “stuff happens” is a common refrain. Wrong. Stuff does not happen. They happen.


Normal is a subjective term, and we all have our idiosyncratic peculiarities. Yet this is several standard deviation from the many people in our society who are outright basket cases.


They do not get better. They get exponentially worse. The quicker the problematic behavior starts, the worse it will be in the long run. Since most people put their best feet forward in the beginning, it is reasonable to be leery of anybody who cannot contain their worst elements during the early glow period.


Even the few people who beat the odds do so because of something inside them. They cannot be “loved” by another into good behavior.


The current woman I am dating is normal. She is sane. She is totally lucid and capable of logical reasoning. She is not an alcoholic, does not do drugs, and does not argue with inanimate objects.


For those who like to take on projects, become a social worker. Just do not date your cases.


For those who want to lead happy lives, avoid defective individuals with every bit as much effort as one would avoid using a defective product. Nobody would drive a car with the wheels falling off. That should apply to our romantic prospects as well.


Screwed up people do not get better, and they can only hide their “special” qualities for so long.


If you see them, run away like Flo-Jo. Otherwise, the result will be a relationship that can become a permanent trap. If it leads to children, those kids could also be predisposed to those qualities.


Productive individuals deserve better, as does society at large.




NFL 2013 Week 8 Prequel

Thursday, October 24th, 2013

NFL 2013 Week 8 Prequel

Forget everything else. The circus is on the verge of returning. Welcome to Favre-watch 2013.

With that, here is the NFL 2013 Week 8 Preview.



Introduce Millennials to Singapore justice

Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013

Should America institute caning?

The inmates are running the national asylum, and it may be time for drastic action.

While it seemed unthinkable even a decade ago, perhaps America needs to start emulating Singapore.

For the Millennials, It could be time to replace coddling with caning.



Ask Andrew Jackson Why Obamacare will never be implemented

Monday, October 21st, 2013

Obamacare settled law? Try enforcing it

President Obama has his healthcare law. Let him try and enforce it.



NFL 2013 Week 7 Recap

Sunday, October 20th, 2013

NFL 2013 Week 7 Recap

5 interceptions for touchdowns kicked off Week 7 as Florida Governor Rick Scott declared a state of emergency disaster with Miami, Tampa and Jacksonville all falling behind 14-0. This was before Peyton Manning returned to Indy to do his William Tecumseh Sherman burning of Lucas Oil Stadium. Here is the NFL 2013 Week 7 Recap.

Seattle Seahawks at Arizona Cardinals was the Thursday night game. Last year Seattle destroyed Arizona 58-0. That game was in Seattle. now the Seahawks had to travel to the Desert. It didn’t matter since they are still very good and Arizona is still very bad. Russell Wilson hit Sidney Rice on a 31 yard first quarter touchdown and a 15 yard touchdown to Zach Miller in the second quarter to make it 14-0 Seahawks. Seattle missed a chance to make it 21-0 when a punt return for a touchdown was nullified by penalty.


At that point momentum changed. Jay Feely hit a 49 yard field goal to get the Cardinals within 14-3. Russell Wilson was then sacked deep in his own territory, and the resulting fumble was recovered by the Cardinals at the Seattle 3 yard line. Rashaard Mendenhall ran it to get the Cardinals within 14-10. Steve Hauschka hit a 51 yarder just before the half ended to make it 17-10 Seahawks. Feely hit from 52 in the third quarter as Arizona only trailed 17-13.


At that point Seattle turned out the lights. Wilson moved Seattle 80 yards and threw a 1 yard touchdown to Davis. Carson Palmer was then intercepted at midfield by Browner, who returned it to the one yard line. Marshawn Lynch ran it in to make it 31-13 Seahawks.


Wilson was sacked again and fumbled again, giving Arizona gift field position at the Seattle 15. On 3rd and 3 Seattle gave another gift and jumped offsides. Yet on 1st and goal from the 4, Palmer threw incomplete 3 straight times as the Cardinals settled for a field goal. Yet Hauschka would answer with another kick of his own to make it a 3 score game at 34-16. Arizona would reach the end zone with less than 5 minutes to play to make the score look close. Seattle is 6-1 and still looking Super Bowl bound. Arizona is again looking like an early draft contender. 34-22 Seahawks





Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Atlanta Falcons — Josh Freeman was supposed to be the problem in Tampa. Mike Glennon fumbled, and the Falcons scored a touchdown off of it. There is no truth to the rumors of a trade deal between Tampa and Minnesota to bring back Josh Freeman in exchange for Coach Greg Schiano and a bag of jellybeans as the Falcons lead 7-0.


Early in the second quarter Matt Ryan threw a 19 yard touchdown pass to Jacquizz Rodgers as the Falcons lead the Buccaneers 14-0 and Greg Schiano prepares to update his resume. The Bucs actually lost their last 6 games last year after a 6-4 start so they have lost 11 straight, making them only 16 games away from surpassing the orange creamsicle winking pirate expansion Bucs for futility.


Mike Glennon hits Vincent Jackson for a 59 yard touchdown, but a 23 yard Matt Bryant field goal has the Falcons up 17-7 in a game somebody, somewhere is watching. Tampa Bay put excitement into the punting game with a 20 yard shank to give Atlanta the ball at the Bucs 37. One play later Matty Ice had a touchdown to Douglas for a 24-7 Falcons lead. Like John Voight in Varsity Blues, Greg Schiano may not coach the second half. Tampa Bay added a field goal before the half ended to create the illusion that the second half would matter.


Mike Glennon connects for the second time on the day with Vincent Jackson as a one yard touchdown pass only has the Buccaneers down 24-17. Matt Ryan’s third touchdown pass is his second connection with Rodgers, whose 8 yard touchdown reception has the Falcons leading the hapless Buccaneers 31-17 early in the fourth quarter.


Down 31-17 in the fourth quarter, naturally the Buccaneers would kick a field goal. Then they kicked another one. Then they lost to remain winless and witless in the Schiano reign of error. 31-23 Falcons






St. Louis Rams at Carolina Panthers — 21 seconds into the game and the Panthers led the Rams 7-0 as Sam Bradford was intercepted for the pick 6. Meanwhile the Rams came back and went for it on 4th and goal at the 1 and smacked into a Carolina brick wall as the goal line stand kept the Rams scoreless. Yet the Panthers defense makes a phenomenal play and the offense wastes it as a handoff several yards deep in the end zone results in a safety as the Rams trail 7-2.


Early in the second quarter Carolina tacked on a field goal to lead 10-2. Greg Zeurlein hit a 28 yard field goal,, but a one yard touchdown run by Mike Tolbert has the Panthers up 17-5. Despite getting to the one yard line, all Carolina can muster is a field goal. Yet they still lead the Rams 20-5 in the third quarter.


Sam Bradford completed a 73 yard pass to Quick to set up a 4 yard touchdown to Stacy as the Rams were only down 20-12. Yet the Carolina Panthers have Steve Smith. Cam Newton hits him for the 19 yard touchdown as Smith jukes a couple defenders. As Steve Smith has been known to remind the audience and the cameramen, if you see him on tv, that means he just scored as the Panthers lead 27-12. Carolina would tack on another field goal to end the lack of suspense, and the Rams would add a field goal of their own to continue the thrills. That was it, as the Panthers had the lopsided win. 30-15 Panthers






Cincinnati Bengals at Detroit Lions — Red Rifle Andy Dalton hooked up with AJ Green on an 82 yard touchdown as the Bengals jumped out to a 7-0 lead on the Lions. Matthew Stafford then led a staggering 16 play, 8- yard drive taking 8 minutes of clock as a 3 yard touchdown pass to Brandon Pettigrew tied the Lions and Bengals 7-7.


David Akers hit a 36 yard field goal in the second quarter to make it 10-7 Lions. Dalton hit Marvin Jones for a 12 yard touchdown to make it 14-10 Bengals. Andy Dalton has his third touchdown pass of the day as a 32 yarder to Tyler Elfert has the Bengals leading the Lions 21-10 in the third quarter.


The Bengals and Lions had a good one going as Dalton and Stafford were trading scores. Stafford hit Megatron Calvin Johnson for a 27 yard touchdown to get the Lions within 21-17. After Cincy extended the lead, Matthew Stafford threw up a prayer into triple coverage, and of course Megatron came down with it for the touchdown. The 50 yard bomb had the Lions and Bengals tied 24-24 in the fourth quarter. On the last play of regulation, from 54 yards out, Mike Nugent is perfect and the Bengals defeat the Lions. 27-24 Bengals



San Diego Chargers at Jacksonville Jaguars — Philip Rivers leads the Chargers 80 yards in 13 plays and takes half the opening quarter to do it as San Diego jumps out to a 7-0 lead over Jacksonville. That may be enough to win this game. Jaguars Owner Shad Kahn is from Pakistan, which has nuclear weapons. Kahn would settle for conventional weapons, such as a quarterback, offensive line, and some defensive linemen.


Philip Rivers hit Eddie Royal for a 27 yard touchdown as the Chargers led 14-0. They made it look easy because it was. Jacksonville kicked a field goal to trail 14-3, most likely concluding Jaguars highlights for the day. Jacksonville needed 18 plays and 8 minutes of clock to kick a 30 yard field goal as the Jaguars are 10 losses from 0-16.


San Diego tacked on a field goal in the third quarter to lead 17-3 and Jacksonville added one of their own. A 3 yard Ryan Mathews touchdown run capped off an 84 yard drive as the Chargers, despite being bored beyond belief, sent the Jaguars to another pathetic loss. San Diego led by 18 with 12 minutes left in regulation. Did anything else happen? Of course not. These are the winless Jaguars. 24-6 Chargers




Buffalo Bills at Miami Dolphins — Ryan Tannehill’s first touchdown pass of the day went to the Buffalo defense as Nickell Robey had the Bills lead 7-0. The winner of this game may finish 4 games behind New England instead of 8 games. Deion Sanders is going to break out the Outkast references tonight because Fred Jackson is for real. A 3 yard touchdown run has the Bills leading the Dolphins 14-0 in the mediocrity bowl.


Florida Governor RickScott declares state of emergency as Dolphins/Jaguars/Bucs all down 14-0. Governor Scott partially lifts the disaster warning as Miami and Tampa get on the board to trail their games 14-7. Jacksonville remains a disaster area. Ryan Tannehill hit Charles Clay from 7 yards out to get Miami on the board.


After Dan Carpenter had the Bills up 17-7 with a 39 yard field goal, Ryan Tanneghill threw a 13 yard touchdown pass to Brandon Gibson as the Dolphins trail 17-14. After trailing 14-0, Ryan Tannehill has thrown 3 touchdown passes. He has again gone to Gibson, who followed up his air helicopter 13 yard score with a 4 yard touchdown reception as the Dolphins now led the Bills 21-17 after three quarters. Buffalo would add a field goal to get within one point in the fourth quarter.


With 36 seconds left, Carpenter came in for another field goal try from 31 yards out. He was good and the Bills had the 2 point lead. Yet a strong kickoff return by Thigpen had the Dolphins at their own 46 with 23 seconds left needing only a field goal. Tannehill threw 4 incompletions and the Bills held on for the win. 23-21 Bills






New England Patriots at New York Jets — Geno Smith leads the Jets 80 yards in 12 plays and 5 minutes as a 12 yard touchdown to Kerley makes it 7-0 Jets. Bill Bellichick may cut all 45 players if they lose to Rex Ryan’s Jets. Geno Smith has more touchdown passes to the Patriots then Tom Brady so far. After Brandon Bolen ran it in from one yard out to tie the game 7-7, Smith threw an interception that was returned 79 yards the other way by Logan Ryan for a 14-7 Patriots lead. No matter what, Rex Ryan reminds us that his team is not the worst one to play at Metlife Stadium.


Nick Folk kicked a 37 yard field goal to close the gap, but Stephen Ridley ran it in from 17 yards out as the Patriots stormed out to a 21-10 lead in a game that has not been a rivalry since the Tuna Bowl days of Bill Parcells.


Tom Brady and Geno Smith have each thrown a touchdown pass to the opposing team as the third quarter begins with Tom Brady getting the Jets right back at the game despite his quarterbacking the Patriots. The Jets trailed 21-17 in this Blunder Bowl as Antonio Allen got the 23 yard pick 6 for the Jets.


Yet a stunner was brewing in the new Meadowlands as Geno Smith has run for an 8 yard touchdown to give the Jets the 24-21 third quarter lead over the Patriots. If the Jets win, Metlife Stadium will not be renamed Metdeath Stadium until winless Big Blue plays Monday night. The Jets would add a field goal to take a 27-21 lead into the fourth quarter.


A Tom Brady pass appeared to have New England at the Jets one yard line prepared to take the lead, but an offensive penalty had the Patriots settling for a field goal. Early in the fourth quarter, the Patriots still trail Gang Green 27-24. With 4 minutes left the Jets have the ball clinging to a 3 point lead. Let’s see if Rex Ryan’s ground and pound can get the shocking upset win over New England. We saw last week what Tom Brady can do with one more chance and even only a few seconds left.



With 2:10 to play, Brady moved the Patriots from their own 8 to a 1st and 10 at the Jets 26 with less than one minute left. Yet Brady then threw 3 incompletions and Stephen Gostkowski came in for the 44 yarded to tie it. He was good and the game went into overtime.


New England got the ball first and after a completion, Brady threw 3 incompletions and the Jets took over at their own 20.  On 3rd and 5 from the Patriots 36, a running play lost 2 yards out. Rex Ryan took a major gamble and loses as Nick Folk misses a 56 yard field goal. Now the Patriots have excellent field position. Except unsportsmanlike conduct on the Patriots was a killer. After a ton of confusion, the Jets retain possession at the Patriots 23 yard line. The Patriots were called for a leverage penalty on the field goal kick. Now the Jets were in short field goal range.


Nick Folk comes in again for the Jets to try a 41 yard field goal. This time the kick is good as the Jets stun their hated rivals. The post-game handshake between Ryan and Bellichick was as quick as expected. 30-27 Jets, OT






Dallas Cowboys at Philadelphia Eagles — The least exciting game of the day is the battle for first place in the NFC Least, where the Cowboys lead the Eagles 3-0 at the half. A one yard touchdown run by Phillip Tanner caps a 66 yard, 10 play, 6 minute drive and finally sees an end zone as the Cowboys lead the Eagles 10-0 in the third quarter. Chip Kelly’s vaunted offense is not getting it done on this day.


On the first play of the fourth quarter, Alex Henery hit a 31 yard field goal as the Eagles now trail the Cowboys 10-3 in the NFC least interesting game of the day. Tony Romo hit Terrence Williams for a 9 yard touchdown in the fourth quarter to salt it away. 17-3 Cowboys





Chicago Bears at Washington Redskins — After an exchange of field goals had the Bears and the team still known as the Redskins tied 3-3, Matt Forte ran it in from 2 yards out to put the Teddy Ruxpins from Chicago up 10-3. Mike Shanahan is no longer in Denver, so losing every game except Oakland is no longer acceptable.


Trailing 10-3 after the first quarter, Washington tied the game when Helu ran it in from one yard out to cap an 80 yard drive. One play later Jay Cutler threw a perfect pass to Brian Orakpo, who plays defense for Washington. The 29 yard interception return made it 17-10 Redskins


Do. Not. Kick. The. Ball. To. Devon. Hester. Not now, not ever. Mike Shanahan may fire his special teams coach, as an 81 yard punt return by Deion Sanders’s baby goes for a Chicago touchdown and a 17-17 game. Hester extends his own NFL record for touchdown returns. Dennis Green is right about Devon Hester. Hester is exactly who we thought he was. Crown him.



RGIII led the Redskins 74 yards in 11 plays and 5 1/2 minutes as a 3 yard touchdown to Jordan Reed has the Redskins up 24-17. Now maybe the special teams coach will decide to keep his job and avoid Devon Hester.


Matt Forte is running wild today, picking up the slack for Jay Cutler, who is out of the rest of this game with an injury. Forte broke off a 50 yard touchdown run as the Bears and Redskins are tied 24-24 in the third quarter. Roy Helu then ran it in from 3 yards out as the Redskins retook the lead over the Bears 31-24 late in the third quarter.


No Cutler, no problem. Forte takes a handoff up the gut 6 yards for another touchdown as the Bears and Redskins are tied in a 31-31 thriller early in the fourth quarter. The pinball machine that is the Redskins-Bears game keeps is approaching tilt as RGIII completes a 45 yard touchdown to Aldrick Robinson as statisticians check to see if this is the first NFL score ever by an Aldrick and the Redskins lead 38-31. The closest thing to a defensive stand in the Bears-Redskins game had the Bears kicking a field goal rather than scoring a touchdown as Chicago trailed 38-34 with 9 minutes left in regulation.


Josh McCown brought the Bears back again as passes to Brandon Marshall of 28 yards and Jeffery for 35 yards set up a 7 yard touchdown pass to Bennett and a 41-38 Bears lead with 4 minutes to play. Yet RGIII rapidly moved the Redskins 80 yards as a 3 yard run by Helu with 45 seconds left put the Redskins back up by 4 points. Yet this game was not over. Trickery on the ensuing kickoff gave the Bears one final shot. From the Washington 44, McCown was sacked as the Redskins hung on in this instant classic. 45-41 Redskins





San Francisco 49ers at Tennessee Titans — Phil Dawson hit a 44 yard field goal to give the 49ers the early 3-0 lead. Colin Kaepernick with a 20 yard touchdown run puts the 49ers up 10-0. Frank Gore runs it in from one yard out as the 49ers lead the Titans 17-0 in a game that deserves no more elaboration than that.


12 plays, 79 yards, and 6 1/2 minutes have the 49ers ramming it down the Titans throats as Frank Gore from one yard out has San Francisco up 24-0 early in the second half. The 49ers slept through the rest of the game because they could. Late in the game Tennessee fumbled a punt and the 49ers recover for a gift touchdown to put the game away. 31-17 49ers



Cleveland Browns at Green Bay Packers — The Browns are lifeless without Brian Hoyer. 3 and out had the Packer starting at the Cleveland 40. Aaron Rodgers tossed a 10 yard touchdown to Finley to make it 7-0 Packers. A one yard touchdown run by Eddie Lacy has the Packers up 14-0 as the Hoyer-less Browns are back to being losers again. Cleveland did manage a field goal, but the Packers added one of their own to take a 17-3 lead into the locker rooms. Despite hibernating most of the rest of the game, Aaron Rodgers went to Jordy Nelson for a 1 yard touchdown late to put Green Bay up 24-6 and Cleveland out of its misery. 31-13 Packers




Houston Texans at Kansas City Chiefs — After a Texans field goal, Houston gave up a touchdown. The key thing about the Chiefs touchdown was that it came on offense. Despite 5 straight weeks with a pick 6, it was not an interception for a touchdown that has the Texans trailing. Jamal Charles crashed in for the standard type of score.


No Matt Schaub. No TJ Yates. No problem. His name is Case Keenum and he has thrown a touchdown pass. Not to the Kansas City defense. He found a player with the same color jersey as his as a 29 yard touchdown pass to Deandre Hopkins has the Texans leading the unbeaten Chiefs on the road in the second quarter 10-7. These players are not Casey Casem or Thelma Hopkins, although Houston is scraping for players.


Alex Smith then led the Chiefs 97 yards in 15 plays and 6 1/2 minutes, running the final 5 yards himself for the score as the Chiefs led the Texans 14-10 late in the half. A third quarter field goal got the Texans within 14-13, but Kansas City added one of their own and Houston responded again to trail 17-16 with 4 minutes left in the third quarter.


Early in the fourth quarter the Chiefs faced 3rd and goal from the 1. the Chiefs ran up the middle and get rocked. Walrus Lite Andy Reid went for it on 4th and goal and a play action pass had no chance as Smith threw to a receiver out of bounds. The Texans inspired goal line stand kept them only down by one point early in the fourth quarter.


The Texans took over at their own 10 with 1:46 to play and 3rd string quarterback Casey Keenum. Keenum was hit and fumbled and the Chiefs recover at the Houston one yard line. The Chiefs smartly take a knee rather than score and give the ball back. The Chiefs get to 7-0 with the win. 17-16 Chiefs





Baltimore Ravens at Pittsburgh Steelers — This once bitter rivalry of must see tv is now a desperation match between also rans. Ben Roethlisberger threw a 3 yard touchdown to Heath Miller and Justin Tucker hit a 46 yard field goal to get the Ravens within 7-3. Shaun Suisham responded with a 34 yarded to make it 10-3 Steelers in the second quarter. Justin Tucker hit from 38 to get the Ravens within 10-6 at halftime. If the Ravens and Steelers were as good as we are used to, the 10-6 game would be called a typical defensive bonelock and praised. Yet these teams are not good, so it is not.


A third quarter field goal had the Steelers up 13-6 and Baltimore added one back to trail 13-9 early in the fourth quarter. Pittsburgh added another one to get it back up to 7 with 10 minutes left to play. Joe Flacco hit Dallas Clark on 3rd and goal from the two with 1:58 to tie things. A strong kickoff return allowed Shaun Suisham to comes in with three seconds left for a 43 yard field goal to win it Suisham was dead center as Pittsburgh won two straight road games after the 0-5 start. 19-16 Steelers



Denver Broncos at Indianapolis Colts — As expected, a very classy display from the Indianapolis Colts fans in giving Peyton Manning an extended cheering ovation. Manning fought back the emotions as he waved to the crowd. Then they played football. Both teams faced 3rd and 1, ran up the middle, came up short and saw their teams start 3 and out. From the Denver 44, Manning went deep to Eric Decker for a 39 yard gain and again for the 17 yard touchdown and 7-0 Broncos lead.


On 3rd and 10 from the Denver 34, Andrew Luck goes to Darrius Heyward-Bey for a 27 yard gain and 1st and goal. On 3rd and goal at the 2 Luck throws incomplete as the Colts settle for the field goal. The Broncos then turned it over. Andrew Luck with an 11 yard touchdown pass to Heyward-Bey after the Denver fumble to put the Colts up 10-7.


Trindin Holliday returned the ensuing kickoff 56 yards. Manning on 3rd and 6 from the Indy 12 threw a touchdown pass to Julius Thomas as the Broncos retook the lead 14-10 early in the second quarter.


Later in the second quarter, from near his own goal line, Manning was hit and fumbled. His arm was not going forward. The Colts recovered in the end zone but it is ruled a safety instead of a touchdown since the refs say it was recovered out of bounds. The Colts are now within 14-12 and get the free kick. Andrew Luck took advantage as a 20 yard touchdown pass to Andrew Havili had the Colts up 19-14 with 6 minutes left in the half. With one minute left in the half Luck hit Fleener for a 21 yard gain to the Denver 17. On 3rd and 1 from the 8 Luck went back to Fleener for the touchdown with 10 seconds left in the half as the Colts lead the Broncos 26-14.


Indy almost puts a dagger in early in the third quarter when a bomb from Luck looks like a 33-14 Colts lead. At the last moment Cromartie gets just enough to deflect it, resulting in the ball being dropped. Indy got it back, and a personal foul on Denver’s defense for a head-butt had the Broncos for the first time this season losing their composure. Another penalty on Denver’s defense for unsportsmanlike conduct had them on the ropes. Luck then scrambled for a 12 yard touchdown as the Colts had their big 33-14 lead with 5 minutes left in the third quarter. Denver’s defense took yet another unsportsmanlike conduct penalty after the score.


Peyton brought the Broncos back. Yet despite getting inside the 10 yard line, Denver had to settle for a 28 yard Matt Prater field goal and a 33-17 deficit after three quarters.Yet Indy answered back again as a 52 yard field goal by Adam Vinatieri early in the fourth quarter put Indy up 36-17. A 31 yard touchdown pass from Manning to Demarius Thomas had the Broncos still in it. The 2 point conversion was dropped as the Broncos trailed 36-23 with 12 minutes left in regulation.


A critical fumble by the Colts was recovered by the Broncos at the Indy 23. On 4th and 1 from the 14, Manning hit Wes Welker for the first down. Knowshon Moreno got in from one yard out as the Broncos were now within 36-30 with 8:44 still left to play.


Denver held and got the ball back. Just when it looked like Manning was on a roll, he gets hit as he throws and is intercepted. The Colts aerate the Denver 20 needing only a field goal to make it a 2 score game. The failed 2 point conversion earlier is looming large. Vinatieri nails the 42 yard field goal as the Colts have breathing room up 39-30 with 6 minutes left.


Manning played pitch and catch with Welker as three deep completions made it 1st and goal at the 2 with 3 minutes to play. Yet Hillman got the carry and fumbled the ball away. In a bizarre decision, the Colts decided to throw on 2nd and 8 rather than run and force Denver to use timeouts. Yet a critical personal foul call for roughing the passer gave the Colts a new set of downs. The Colts will had to punt at the 2 minute warning with Manning needing 2 scores with 0 timeouts.


Manning took a critical sack as the Broncos did not get a field goal until only 12 seconds remained. The onside kick failed and the Colts had the phenomenal emotional win and Denver had their first loss. 39-33 Colts


Minnesota Vikings at New York Giants was the Monday night game. It was statistically the worst matchup in the history of Monday Night Football as 1-4 Minnesota took on the winless Giants. Sometimes a pair of bad teams can come together and play a thrilling game. This was not that game. The Giants had a staggering 17 play, 68 yard drive that took 9 1/2 minutes off the clock. Naturally, they kicked a field goal. The Vikings got on the board with an 86 yard punt return for a touchdown. In the second quarter Eli Manning hit Reuben Randle for a 24 yard touchdown as the Giants led 10-7 at halftime.





RIP Bum Phillips

Sunday, October 20th, 2013

Bum Phillips enters football heaven

The National Football League lost a legend as Bum Phillips entered oblate spheroid heaven at age 90. The former Houston Oilers and New Orleans Saints coach and father of Houston Texans defensive coordinator Wade Phillips was more than just a great coach. He was one of the all time great characters.