Archive for October, 2009

Happy Hal Levine 2009–Terrorists and Liberals still frighten me

Saturday, October 31st, 2009

Happy Hal Levine everybody. I do love the Jewish holiday season.

As is tradition, my fiends (and friends) and I will be attending the freak show in West Hollywood, followed by an awesome after party. For the first time in years, I will going stag. I will not have arm candy dressed in a slutty costume. I will be forced to observe the slutty costumes of other women. Oh, the torture.

Before getting to what frightens me in this life, below is my 2007 Hal Levine column.

Hal Levine, Wizards, and Scary Liberals

Now I offer you some music dedications.

The Monster Mash–It was a graveyard smash, and it is dedicated to anti-Semite and Barack Obama adviser Samantha Power. Her hostility towards Israel did not get her kicked off the campaign trail, but calling Hillary Clinton a monster did. At least regarding her anti-Semitism and her anti-Hillarydom, she was honest. now she is back.

Dead Man’s Party–Who could ask for more, Oingo Boingo fans? This has to be dedicated to the Democrats. I am a proud Republican, and we are finally  revived and revved up and ready to prevent a frightening socialistic nation.

Once Bitten, Twice Shy–For all of you Great White Fans out there, I dedicate that song to the American people who decided that one Clinton was more than enough. They were not going to try another one that was twice as scary as the first one. i know it is a year later, so maybe I should reserve that song for Thanksgiving.

Eat the Rich–Aerosmith lives on, and rocker guitarist Joe Perry has announced that he has always been a  Republican. So not only is there a Republican in Boston, but it is one of the coolest guys on Earth. I dedicated “Eat the Rich,” to billionaire leftists like Barbra Streisand, Jane Fonda, and Susan Sarandon, who love to bash rich people for some hypocritical reason, most likely self loathing.

As for the top 5 things that frighten me:

5) People stealing my money, or as liberals call it, “fairness.” My friend Jonathan Hoenig wrote a brilliant column about this subject. He is the head sled at Capitalist Pig Asset Management. He is a proud Capitalist Pig and so am I.

4) Angry feminists, as if that is not redundant. I refuse to link to the Hillary Clinton website, but trust me…she is one scary woman. No wonder Bubba sleeps with one eye open.

3) The Axis of Anti-Semitism, aka the Daily Kos, Huffington Post, and I am sure there are more frighteningly dreadful human beings elsewhere, but this is where the undead gather together to drink the blood of Republicans, Jews, and other enemies they need to cleanse their tainted souls with. Unfortunately, unlike most Ghouls, come November 1st these monsters will still exist.

2) Terrorists. Yes, despite what liberals tell you, they still exist. Now liberals may get confused, and think that I am referring to George W. Bush. No, that would only be valid if you belong to the evil ghastly groups listed above. Terrorists want to kill us, and Barack Obama has a plan. He will ask them nicely to stop. Besides, while he himself is not a terrorist, or even a hateful scary creature, he sure does have many of them as former official advisers.

Rashid Khalidi is a terrorist and thankfully is no longer an adviser, at least not overtly. Some argue this point by saying that Khalidi is a respected professor at Columbia. “Respected Professor at Columbia” is like “Tough Diplomacy” or “Jews for Jesus.” It is contradictory. If you despise Israel and the United States, and are willing to have Armageddonijad at your school but not ROTC, than you are qualified to work at Columbia and little else.

The only job less prestigious is to be an editor for some rag magazine like the Los Angeles Times. Every day is Halloween for the Western version of Al Jazeera. The smell of the night is not old pumpkins or corpses come to life…it is the Los Angeles Time laying in its own rancid filth.

I wish we could relocate the Los Angeles Times building to Seattle, which would be happy to accept their smugness.

Yet as much as I am terrified of an Obama Presidency since it would destroy virtually everything that is good and decent in this world, one thing still frightens me more on this Halloween.

1) Rosie O’Donnell naked. This used to be Bea Arthur, but let her rest in peace. Yes folks, the movie “Airheads,” remains one of the greatest movies ever made, behind “Deuce Bigalow” and a couple of other movies cheated out of Oscars. It was a close call between Rosie O’Donnell and Henry Waxman,  who have never been seen simultaneously.
As for Bea, Is it that wrong for a guy to believe in family values, while watching the video “Golden Showers With the Golden Girls” on a Saturday night?

Ok, perhaps it is.

I wish you all many treats, and no more tricks. That means Barack Obama needs to stop lying about everything from his tax plans to his healthcare plans to…well virtually everything else actually.

I am scared of Tuesday’s election since I am always scared. The woman whose name sounds like Fozzie Bear dropped out today, and I will have more to say on Monday about Doug Hoffman and New York’s 23rd district.

I will have plenty to say about Waxboy as well, since he, Obama, and Rahm Emanuel are the kings of scary thuggish tactics in silencing opposition.

I may wake up to a liberal nightmare on November 4th. So I guess by comparison, October 31st will be tame, safe, and moderately sane.

At least I get to play football today with my Slamathon friends, now known as “Kidd Da Baby.”

Happy Hal Levine everybody, and for you heretics, Halloween!

Miami Dolphins @ New York Jets–

(Jets by 3, they cover)

San Francisco 49ers @ Indianapolis Colts–

(Colts by 12, they win but fail to cover)

Cleveland Browns @ Chicago Bears–

(Bears by 13.5, they win but fail to cover)
Seattle Seahawks @ Dallas Cowboys–

(Cowboys by 9.5, they win but fail to cover)

Houston Texans @ Buffalo Bills–

(Texans by 3.5, upset special, Bills win outright)

Denver Broncos @ Baltimore Ravens–

(Ravens by 3.5, upset special, Broncos win outright)
St. Louis Rams @ Detroit Lions–

(Lions by 4, they win but fail to cover)

New York Giants @ Philadelphia Eagles–

(Eagles by 1, upset special, Giants win outright)

Jacksonville Jaguars @ Tennessee Titans–

(Titans by 3, upset special, Jaguars win outright)

Oakland Raiders @ San Diego Chargers–

(Chargers by 16.5, they win but fail to cover)

Minnesota Vikings @ Green Bay Packers–

(Packers by 3, upset special, Vikings win outright)

Carolina Panthers @ Arizona Cardinals–

(Cardinals by 10, they win but fail to cover)

Atlanta Falcons @ New Orleans Saints is the Monday Night game.

(Saints by 10, they win but fail to cover)


President Obama, Your Soul is at Stake

Friday, October 30th, 2009

I am now a guest blogger for the Republican Jewish Coalition.

My column today can be found there.


Meeting Congressman David Dreier

Thursday, October 29th, 2009

At a recent luncheon put on by the Malibu/Bel Air chapter of the Republican Women’s Federated, I got to meet and listen to California Congressman David Dreier.

As somebody who speaks frequently to chapters of the Republican Women’s Federated myself, it is nice from time to time just to be a guest and listen. They are an organization of very passionate women. The President of the Malibu/Bel Air chapter is Mrs. Alice Starr.

Many people have heard of her because she is married to former Solicitor General Ken Starr. While many “know” Judge Ken Starr for something else, it is a time in their lives they do not enjoy talking about, and I for one respect their right to inner peace. I have met Judge Starr, and find him to be a decent, thoughtful man, and that is all I will say on the matter.

One running joke between me and people I know in Republican Malibu circles is that at various Republican events, so many people flock toward Ken Starr. When I was asked if I wanted to meet him, I replied that I really wanted to meet Alice Starr. They seemed puzzled, especially since Ken Starr is a celebrity. I explained to them that as a public speaker on a speaking circuit, Ken Starr does not run a chapter of the Republican Women’s Federated. Therefore, he is not connected to the true powers in this country. Yes, I am kidding (partially), but it was great to meet Alice Starr. She has a wonderful club.

The event itself was fabulous, with “Dukes” restaurant in Malibu providing a gorgeous view and the sound of ocean wave sin the background. Politics can be stressful, but this was peaceful.

One celebrity in the audience was somebody I watched on television as a kid. Game show host Wink Martindale used to be the man that brought us “Tic Tac Dough.” I loved that show and “Joker’s Wild.” Mr. Martindale kept his politics out of his television appearances, but as a retired gentleman he has his passions and expresses them.

(In useless news only I care about, Tom McKee won 43 games in a row of Tic Tac Dough.)

As for Congressman Dreier, he showed a serious side when discussing policy, and a humorous side when getting excited at the presence of ice cream for dessert. His remarks ranged from funny to serious, but at all times were relevant. We would all be better off if we heard what he had to say. With that, I present remarks from Congressman David Dreier.

“I was elected in 1980 at age 28.”

“Peter Drucker once said that every brilliant idea eventually devolves into nothing but hard work.”

“Alice Starr has a ball and chain around her, yet somehow regarding Ken, she overcomes it.”

“I am the only Republican Congressman in Los Angeles. I am surrounded by Waxman, Sherman, and the like. It gets lonely.”

“John O’Hurley (J. Pederman on Seinfeld and then on Dancing with the Stars) laid the groundwork for Tom Delay.”

“Somebody wrote Dear Abby and said that they had one brother who was a Congressman and another brother who was a chainsaw killer. Her father was a serial abuser and her mother was an alcoholic. She asked Dear Abby for advice on how to work up the courage to tell her finacee that one of her brothers was a Congressman.”

“We have not been effectively able to get our message out, that we are not the party of no.”

“Barack Obama said that ‘If anyone mischaracterizes our health car plan, they will be called out. I won’t accept the status quo.’ Well we are not offering the status quo, and we need to call Obama out.”

“I favor a fair and simple tax plan. There should be a $15,000 exclusion for people purchasing insurance. That is an incentive.”

“We need to have steps taken for people with preexisting conditions so that they can get insurance. Steve Poizner is working on this.”

“Right now health insurance can’t be bought on the internet. The rules preventing people from crossing state lines to buy insurance must be thrown out.”

“We need tort reform badly. We need lawsuit reform.”

“We need to expand medical savings accounts. We have to continue incentivizing people to put money aside.”

“The public option is a government run option. It is impossible for businesses to compete with the government.”

“Dennis Prager has said that the bigger government grows, the smaller the individual becomes.”

“In Lima, Peru, we signed a free trade deal. Yet Nancy Pelosi refuses to work with Colombia and Panama on free trade.”

“Alan Garcia was the Socialist President of Peru from 1985 to 1990. He told me that the worst five years in the history of Peru came when he was President. Now he governs like Ronald Reagan.”

“Statism has failed everywhere, how can the United States move in the opposite direction?”

“Both of my nieces voted for Obama. They told me that they had no idea it would be like this.”

“We as a party represent the majority philosophy of Democrats and independents.”

“The two party system has served us well. On Thursday, I met six members of the Iraqi Parliament. They have 346 political parties.”

“Two weeks from tomorrow is the twentieth anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall.”

“We must be building up democratic institutions worldwide, establishing the rule of law, and fighting Islamofacism.”

“Having many parties is bad for countries. I hope the GOP is one of the two remaining parties in time.”

“The single most painful thing I do is not when I have to face Nancy Pelosi. It is when I am calling the mothers of fallen soldiers.”

“President Bush was strong, firm, and decisive. President Obama on the campaign trail said that Afghanistan was a war of necessity. On August 30th, General McChrystal said that he needed 40,000 additional troops. On October 24th, President Obama is still undecided.”

“Afghanistan has 25 million people. Pakistan has 180 million. It is the sixth largest country in the world.”

“Unlike ALexander the Great or the British, we Americans don’t seek to occupy.”

“Afghanis now have the right to choose their leadership? How is this imposing? This is liberation and self determination, not imposition.”

“The United States is the most noble experiment in the world. The world looks to us.”

“Is that ice cream?”

(The audience laughed as Congressman Dreier immediately noticed the dessert. Although most politicians dislike long, rambling questioners, Congressman Dreier asked the next questioner to ask a long question so that he could quickly finish some ice cream. The audience remained laughing as he used his hands to multitask. In all fairness to the Congressman, it was very good ice cream. The Congressman then continued.)

“Liberals in Congress to me are really not what Ken is to Alice, that being a drag.”

“People like to say that Republicans spent a lot, and that Obama is just following Bush. GOP spending increased with respect to Homeland Security, Defense, and Veterans. There were real dollar cuts in the rest. This is not like the increase in spending under the Democrats.”

“With regards to Fox News, an old expression is that you don’t start fights with people who buy ink by the barrel. Fox News has an opinion division, but their news division has Major Garrett, Carl Cameron, and many others. Even Helen Thomas has criticized the attacks on Fox News. Susan Estrich pointed out that Blue Dog Democrats need Fox News.”

I asked a question about the only issue that matters to me.

“Congressman Dreier, I am concerned that some third world genocidal lunatics want to kill us all. Can we relocate the Guantanamo Bay detainees to the Pelosiraptor’s San Francisco District? If not, has any thought been given to leaving them exactly where they are? I am not sure they should be on AMerican soil, they seem really bad.”

Congressman Dreier was deft, and at the same time sobering. He reminded everybody in the room that he understood full well that we are at war. Yes, some people have forgotten this, but in a room full of Republicans, there was an expected clear understanding.

No matter how many times a Republican politician explains the struggle between civilization and barbarism, it is important for me to keep hearing it.

I hope that others across America hear the wit and the wisdom of Congressman David Dreier. You will be glad you did.

Brilliance can be found everywhere, but for those who want it in abundance, in addition to ice cream fit for a Congressman, I recommend that everybody get to know the ladies of the Malibu/Bel Air Republican Women’s Federated.”


Minorities and Feelings

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009

First, a quick administrative note. This morning I am speaking to the Laguna Niguel Republican Women’s Federated. Then later this evening I am off to support my friend Larry Greenfield, who is speaking to the Calabasas Chapter of ACT.

One other note. I will not be covering health care or Afghanistan or any other policy issue until and unless something actually happens. I am not C-Span. Until an actual healthcare bill is about to be signed into law, the daily machinations are irrelevant to me. As for Afghanistan, when President Hamlet actually stops dithering and makes a decision, after some results are noticeable from the decision either way, I will deal with that then. I will cover Virginia and New Jersey after the elections, not before. As for projecting 2012, leave me alone.

(Yes, I know I just spent almost 200 words talking about what I am not talking about. I don’t want to talk about that either.)

Now on to the main event.

A couple of days ago I wrote about the latest racial temper tantrum from Bob Herbert of the Jayson Blair Times.

The Jayson Blair Times and Bob Herbert spouting racism falls under the category of water being wet.. It’s a given. Yet an email I received from a commenter provided such food for thought that I decided to make it the subject of an entire separate column.

I said the following:

“Race is about a multi-syllabic word known as pigmentation. Pigmentation is a function of what scientists of all races call melanin content. Race is not an attitude, a feeling, or an experience. Going to the planetarium is an experience. Being black means being born to black people that at some point had intercourse. I know this is mindboggling, but stay with me. It also works the same way for other races.”

I also said the following:

“There is nothing in the racial composition of any human being that makes them inferior or superior to any other race. Therefore, people of all races can do a good or bad job at whatever they do for a living.”

A commenter wrote the following, which I redacted for length without altering the gist of their comments:

“Race is about much more than pigmentation, and calling it merely a multi-syllabic word is ignorant of the society in which we all live. Race, in this world, where the norm is the white, heterosexual male, IS an experience. Yes, someone is born black to black people: thank you, captain obvious. However, if you know anything about culture and identity theory, you would know that race is socially constructed and thus becomes an experience that goes far beyond melanin content. I could be humorous and reference Steve Martin in his famous film, The Jerk, but this discussion deserves more than that. To think that race is a superficial and purely exterior quality is an uneducated, unscholarly, and uninformed translation of what race really means.”

They continued:

“You’re right: ‘There is nothing in the racial composition of any human being that makes them inferior or superior to any other race.’ HOWEVER, the way that our society forms meaning around race is what does, indeed, place one race above or below another.

You are also right when you say ‘therefore, people of all races can do a good or bad job at whatever they do for a living.’ HOWEVER, people of minority races have more negative stereotypes to disprove before they can get there. Because the unfair and prejudiced ways we classify and construct race in our culture, racial minorities have to prove their worth, not because they are less capable by any means, but because they weren’t born into the societal norm we have all created and legitimate everyday.”

I wrote the commenter back, and explained to them that while their point was valid, personal insults were not necessary. My problem with too many liberals is that every conservative is either evil, or an utter imbecile. Calling me “unscholarly” and “uneducated” weakens their own argument. It also validates my point that the left is incapable of honest debate without resorting to ideological bigotry.

To be fair to the commenter, because while I am not neutral or balanced, I am fair, the commenter apologized very graciously. Yet they then pointed out that in my polite email to them, I assumed they were male instead of female. They saw this as evidence of being part of a white, male power structure. I ascribed it to something completely innocuous.

The commenter let their feelings get in the way of reality, which is that their assumptions of what I was thinking were simply wrong.

I bring this up because while the commenter came across as a very nice person, their line of thinking is at the heart of this entire minority grievance issue in America today.

Read the following words of the commenter very closely.

“people of minority races have more negative stereotypes to disprove before they can get there. Because the unfair and prejudiced ways we classify and construct race in our culture, racial minorities have to prove their worth, not because they are less capable by any means, but because they weren’t born into the societal norm we have all created and legitimate everyday.”

This argument must be ripped to shreds because it is factually wrong, and harmful to society.

There was a time in American history when the statement about overcoming negative stereotypes was valid.

Nowadays we have a black man sitting in the White House. He got there by playing the political game better than anybody else that year. I did not vote for him, but there is no denying his political skills on the campaign trail.

Does this mean racism is over with? Of course not. However, most mainstream Americans despise racism. Corporations fall all over themselves to encourage diversity and multiculturalism. So what negative stereotypes do some black people need to overcome in today’s society?

The ones inside their heads.

That’s right. It is psychological. Excluding members of the Klan, who are an aberration, most people would absolutely agree that nothing in a person’s race makes them inherently inferior or superior.

Yet just because somebody is not inferior does not mean that they will not feel inferior.

(Yes, I used a triple negative. Let it go.)

This is called an inferiority complex. It exists in many people. Tall people are better than short people. Thin people are better than fat people. Beautiful people are better than ugly people. The fact that this last one is undefined is irrelevant. These are all value judgments with no basis in fact.

(Although undefined does not mean cannot be defined.)

Rich people are better than poor people. The list goes on.

To truly appreciate the depth of this, I remember a 1994 debate on the CNN show “Crossfire.” Guilty white liberal Bob Beckel was in favor of affirmative action, while Armstrong Williams, a conservative who happens to be black, was against it. When Beckel got patronizing, Armstrong got passionate.

“I don’t need your help. I’m not inferior. My children are not inferior. My children will compete with your children and do better, without your help.”

Some will argue that institutionalized racism is why blacks may have this inferiority complex. This may be an explanation, but it is not an excuse. Accepting this line of thinking means we will never get to an equal colorblind society.

I am not interested in whether or not a black person “feels” they will not get a fair shot. I care about what actually is. If a white man engages in racism in hiring, you punish him. It’s that simple. You punish the perpetrators of bad deeds, rather than handicap all of society.

This issue of feelings is even more toxic with regards to gender.

(It also explains why I am single.)

On more than one occasion a feminist has said to me that I hurt their feelings.

(I expressed politically conservative opinions.)

I asked them for specific examples of actual things I said, and why it was hurtful. I am a reasonable person. Give me an example, I will look at it.

Instead they told me that while I did not specifically say anything, they still felt bad. I told them that it is wrong to make an accusations that cannot be backed up.

They then resorted to the ultimate ridiculous tactic.

“Feelings are never wrong.”

Ladies, I do not care if this costs me a shot at marriage and children, but that phrase is a bunch of cr@pola. I would rather be single than neutered.

Yes, feelings absolutely can be wrong. No, feelings are not an absolute end all be all end to the discussion.

When I refuse to agree with their premise, they then say I am being insensitive, and that this proves their point.

Then I have to resort to extreme measures.

(Picking up a bullhorn) “You are right. I am a racist, sexist, bigoted, homophobe. More importantly, I don’t give a d@mn about your idiotic feelings and I never will. Your feelings are screwing up society. I would rather be insensitive than be an emotional cripple. Now do us all a favor and ductape your trap shut before I waterboard the psychologist that taught you this emotional claptrap.”

Now just to be clear, I am not saying that all feelings are wrong. Somebody can feel something and be right. I feel that minorities in society today are often a bunch of crybabies. I am right. Yet I am right based on evidence.

Feelings themselves are not a substitute for data or empirical evidence. If it was, the 1960s kids and their “if it feels good, do it,” attitude would not have been so incredibly worthless.

The solution is for everybody to celebrate my favorite holiday. It is called “Shut the hell up and go to work” day. Everyone should honor it equally.

I have seen the benefits of respecting this holiday. Look at three areas of life where equality exists. Sports, sales, and the military all celebrate this holiday, and they are as close to race neutral as we can get.

The successful black people in sales offices I worked in did not feel the deck was stacked. They were given a telephone and some leads and asked, “Can you sell?” They responded, “Yes, I can.”

In 15 years, I never saw a statistical difference between the successful salespeople based on race. It was not there.

Look at professional sports. Look at the National Football League. When Mike Tomlin of the Pittsburgh Steelers won a Super Bowl for his team at age 34, the media spent less time on his race than on how amazing it was that somebody so young could have won against more experienced counterparts. His team won because good players followed the lead of a good coach. Race was totally irrelevant.

The military is about life and death. When a soldier is in a foxhole next to another soldier, that bond transcends race.

Anybody that wants to see white and black people hugging each other as brothers, go to a military reunion, a locker room, or an expensive getaway to celebrate sales success.

There is no reason for minorities in America at this stage to feel the deck is stacked. The extra hurdles they need to overcome are mythical.

I will say it again. Perpetrators of discrimination must be prosecuted. They are the minority.

For actual victims of discrimination, there are remedies, from the EEOC to the courts.

For those who simply feel like victims based on past history, drink a glass of “shut up and get over it.”

My dad was a Holocaust survivor. He was hunted like a dog and shot at. I never got special treatment. There were no victicrats in my household.

Heck, I am a Jewish Republican. I am hated by more people than others can imagine. You know how hard it is to unite liberal Jews and Islamofacists on anything? Show them a Jewish  Republican, and the blood drips from their fangs.

What do I do about it? I go to work and live my life.

Slavery was evil. It also has not existed in a long time. Yet by believing the deck is stacked without factual evidence to back this up, that traps the believer of these opinions to an internal slavery that they will never break free from.

None of us are superior or inferior to any of the rest of us. People who feel otherwise have an internal problem, not an external one.

Leave your feelings at home. The workplace is about results.

The only question is this…

“Can you do the d@mn job?”

If the answer is yes, there is a place for you virtually anywhere and everywhere.


Why not just kill all conservatives?

Tuesday, October 27th, 2009

Although I am a conservative, I have noticed that liberals in Congress feel that the very existence of conservatives is a threat to this nation. Since it is the job of our leaders, currently on the left, to protect Americans and keep us safe, why don’t they just pass legislation to kill all conservatives?

No, I have not fallen off the cliff of sanity. Far from it. I am following the logical train of thought.

The Nazis felt that the Jews were an enemy of Germany. They were subversives, an enemy within. Now as the son of a Holocaust survivor, I will be the first to attest to the pure evil that the Holocaust was. Yet at least the murderers followed a logical progression. They dehumanized the Jews first. Once the Jews were reduced to mere vermin or insects, treating them with the dignity that one treats human lives was unnecessary.

According to the liberals in Congress, conservatives are not human beings. They are a scourge. Therefore, it makes perfect sense to just eliminate them forever.

This is not me deciding this. I am just listening to their own words.

One Florida Congressman decided to take over the role of leading bigoted lunatic in Florida now that Robert Wexler is leaving. His words were inspiring to anybody who found warmth in hatred.

“People who watch Fox News are collaborators with the enemies of America.”

Collaborators? I had no idea that people who watched Fox News favored putting my relatives into ovens.

For those who think that using the word “collaborators” is a reference to anything besides the Holocaust, separate your liberal head from your liberal hide. It is absolutely a Nazi reference.

Enemies of America? Would that be Al Queda? Saddam Hussein? Khadafi Duck? Armageddonijad?

This cannot be, given that Fox News does not seem supportive of any of these men, based on what I have seen on the network.

I watch Fox News. Maybe he means me. Apparently I collaborate with enemies of America.

This could be true because I watch football with friends who also watch Fox News. At least now I know who I am collaborating with. I was not sure what we were collaborating on, since we can’t even come together to agree on what to have for dinner while watching the game.

This reference to conservatives as murderers and traitors to America is not new.

Remember, Al Gore, who almost stole a presidential election, said that George W. Bush “betrayed his country.”

That is called treason, which is punishable by death.

Nancy Pelosi said that angry people at Townhalls reminded her of political murders that took place in the 1970s. This is as disgusting as it is dishonest. George Moscone and Harvey Milk were both killed by fellow liberals. Also, conservatives do not wear t-shirts advocating the murder of President Obama as liberal barbarians did with George W. Bush.

You see, I look at George W. Bush, and see a human being. I see a loving husband and loving father. Only after that do I see a President and a conservative Republican.

This is how the media can stay silent while Al Gore’s son gets drunks and stoned and drives a car into a tree (the silence was appropriate) while brutalizing Sarah and Bristol Palin because Bristol brought a beautiful new life into this world. Liberals were bothered by this because it was a new conservative life. Like roaches, every new one makes it harder to eliminate them all.

Does anybody think this is far-fetched? Then explain why hate crimes legislation applies to racial and ethnic bigotry but not to ideological bigotry. If Howard Dean goes on one of his anti-Republican screaming rampages, and finally snaps and kills some Republicans, isn’t that a hate crime? The man said “I hate Republicans and everything they stand for.” That sounds crystal clear to me.

Liberals in Congress hate conservatives with the same ferocity that conservatives hate Al Queda. In fact, some of these liberals accused George W. Bush of being behind 9/11. If this is true, wouldn’t killing him be noble? After all, whoever planned 9/11 should be killed.

No, I am not advocating the murder of George W. Bush. I love the guy. I don’t want anybody in our government to be killed. I wouldn’t mind if some liberals in Congress shut up, but I do not wish death on them or their families. I will never compare them to the people that murdered members of my family in the 1940s in Germany.

Yet again, if conservatives really are less than a noble opposition, and are truly evil, wouldn’t it be patriotic of these liberals convert their verbal violence into actual violence?

Remember, I have been personally harassed by staff members of Henry Waxman. These staffers, including Lisa Pinto, “collaborated” with Paul Reznik at the West LA Chamber of Commerce to make sure that I knew my place at the bottom of the humanity hierarchy.

(I included this reference to remind these miscreants such as Reznik that while I have been busy, I have not forgotten his thuggery or the Waxman campaign’s attempt to cover it up. I will have more to say as the 2010 election gets closer.)

Some liberals will complain that I am blaming them all for the sins of a few. Nonsense. Silence is acquiescence. They got indignant when a Congressman accused (accurately, but still in bad form) President Obama of lying. Yet they stay silent when their own side compares conservatives to racists, bigots, sexists, and homophobes simply because we exist and breathe air.

Actually, not all of them stay silent. Some of them quietly cheer. Some of them even loudly cheer.

I am sure plenty of liberals saw the title of my column advocating the killing of conservatives, and then chuckled, saying, “Hey, that’s not a bad idea.”

Sure, they will say they were just joking and don’t really mean it, but what they mean is that they have to take a poll or convene a focus group first.

Until liberals in Congress and their supporters can see conservatives as human beings, made of blood, plasma, and water, they will continue to demonize us and feel justified for doing so.

(For those still not convinced, enter a liberal Synagogue and listen to the sermon. The Nazis were unpleasant chaps, but those conservatives in their navy blue suits are downright frightening.)

In 1930s Germany, it started with dehumanizing people and ended in murder.

Don’t think it can’t happen here with any group, even if that group consists of guys wearing red and blue diagonal neckties.

Then again, I can understand why liberals would want to murder me. I watch Fox News and vote Republican. I am a collaborator, and we know what happens to collaborators.


Ideological Bigotry Part XXIII–Bob Herbert’s Racial Temper Tantrum

Monday, October 26th, 2009

Bob Herbert of the Jayson Blair Times has just thrown another one of his racial temper tantrums.

As usual, he is accusing a white Republican of being a racist. After all, Bob Herbert is an expert on the subject, given that he is the biggest race-baiter in the country not named Reverend.

Talk about the pot calling the kettle African-American.

His newest screed is entitled “Fanning the flames of racial tensions.”

I thought it was his autobiography, but apparently he does not own a mirror.

I will not be linking to the column because I do not link to garbage.

(This is a reflection of the column itself. I am not referring to Mr. Herbert himself as garbage. Actually, crew political correctness. I have changed my mind, and am referring to him, the column, and the Jayson Blair Times itself.)

So what has Bob Herbert acting like himself today?

He is disappointed in Mayor Mike Bloomberg for fanning racial tensions.

First he freely admits that on the overall issue of reduced racial tensions, Mayor Bloomberg has been very good. So what changed? How could an entire two terms of being good on an issue be undone by one incident?

Did Mayor bloomberg say something inappropriate? No.

Did he do something inappropriate? No.

He sat in a room where Rudy Giuliani spoke.

Rudy Giuliani stated that if Mike Bloomberg were to not be reelected, New York City would revert back to the way it was before Giuliani became Mayor. Giuliani also said, “and you know what I mean.”

Now Bob Herbert is able to decode Giuliani’s language using special racial grievance rabbit ears. It is like the equivalent of a dog whistle, where only bigoted charlatans can hear the sounds that are non-existent to non-bigoted human beings.

Now I know some people feel that using vanilla extract instead of chocolate extract when baking a cake means that nothing has changed since 1863, and that Selma, Alabama somehow applies. For clear thinkers, let me again give America some basic facts about race. Please feel free to take notes.

Race is about a multi-syllabic word known as pigmentation. Pigmentation is a function of what scientists of all races call melanin content. Race is not an attitude, a feeling, or an experience. Going to the planetarium is an experience. Being black means being born to black people that at some point had intercourse. I know this is mindboggling, but stay with me. It also works the same way for other races.

There is nothing in the racial composition of any human being that makes them inferior or superior to any other race. Therefore, people of all races can do a good or bad job at whatever they do for a living.

From 1989 to 1993, New York City was run by David Dinkins. He was a good, decent man that did a terrible job as Mayor. He was not tough enough for the job. He was so lightly regarded that when he picked up a megaphone to try and calm racial tensions by yelling “increase the peace” (a very decent gesture by a decent man), somebody in the crowd through a bottle at his head.

(Liberals only laugh when objects are thrown at Republicans. The bottle thrower should have been beaten and arrested. The action was unacceptable, and the lack of follow up showed Dinkins’s weakness. Nobody would have been dumb enough to throw a bottle Giuliani.)

From 1993 to 2001, Rudy Giuliani turned New York City around. He was one of the best chief executives in the history of any government. Yes, he was that good. I know. I lived in New York during his first term.

Now at no time did it matter that Dinkins was black and Giuliani was white. It did not matter to me. It matters to Bob Herbert. You see, black Mayors have failed in New York City, Washington, DC, and Detroit. Bob Herbert is still blaming Ronald Reagan.

Yet did they fail because they were black? No. They failed because they were liberals.

This is not about race. It is about ideology.

Bob Herbert can’t stand that a white Republican defeated a black liberal. Bob Herbert can’t stand that all the bile in the world will not change the fact that a liberal did a lousy job running a city, and a conservative came in and fixed it.

Rudy Giuliani cut taxes and cracked down on crime. That is what a Mayor is supposed to do. David Dinkins failed to do this.

So when Giuliani talks about New Yorkers not wanting to go back to the days before 1993, it is a reference to failed solutions that nearly destroyed the city. No amount of verbal bomb-throwing by the Jayson Blair Times will alter the fact that New Yorkers could care less about race.  Like Americans everywhere, they want results.

Now I know Bob Herbert wants to party like it’s 1989, but for most New Yorkers, the city was dying. Rudy Giuliani revived Gotham City.

He cracked down on the squeegee guys. Some of them were black. Bob Herbert threw a tantrum. 15 years later, he is still lobbing racial grenades, because he cannot accept that there is nothing in a man with darker pigmentation that guarantees electoral success.

We are now in an era where a black man can become President. Yet in the end, the only thing that matters are results.

Bob Herbert does not want equality. He wants lifelong employment for black politicians regardless of how dreadful their policies may be.

This is not justice or equality. It is an insult to every black person that succeeded in America not because of their skin, but because of this nation.

I would introduce Bob Herbert to Dr. Condoleeza Rice or Chairman Michael Steele, but then I would have to be in a room with Bob Herbert.

Sorry Bob. People like you (Yeah, “You people,” that being racial grievance phonies) need to stop throwing racial temper tantrums.

Bob Herbert needs a timeout. Somebody get him a pacifier and some milk.

Make sure it is chocolate milk so he does not accuse me of racism.


NFL 2009–Week 7 Recap

Sunday, October 25th, 2009

After 10 cities in 10 days, the Tygrrrr Express is home and watching football.

To make things even sweeter, the football team I play on, Kiss Da Baby, (formerly Slamathon) won yesterday 38-28. I had one reception that was nullified by a defensive penalty. Hey, I made the catch, but the penalty yardage was greater. I also contributed on an interception return by getting called for an illegal block, which is hard to do in touch football. Luckily it was post possession and we kept the ball.

Now on to the other gridiron heroes with the Week 7 NFL Recap. The disparity in the league this year continued, with 5 of the 6 early games being blowouts by halftime. In a very troubling development, 10 of the 11 games played during the day were won and lost by 10 points or more. The only game close in score began as a 21-0 blowout before the other team rallied. One game had a team down by 21 win by 12. Yet overall, this day was simply football that was not competitive. 6 games were blowouts of 28 points or more. This had better be an aberration and not a trend, because what makes football work is competitive balance. It did not exist today.

Green Bay Packers @ Cleveland Browns–This game mattered in the 1950s and 1960s. Today an overrated Green Bay team faced a dreadful Cleveland bunch. Romeo Crennel no longer coaches the Browns, but is doing very well in recent beer commercials. Brady Quinn has mastered the art of holding the clipboard. In the first quarter, Derek Anderson led an 11 play, 65 yard drive that took 6 1/2 minutes. Like the entire Cleveland franchise, and perhaps the city itself, the drive bogged down at the 5 yard line. Billy Cundiff connected from 22 yards out to up the Browns up 3-0. Sadly for the Browns and much of America, the rest of the game was played.

In the second quarter, Aaron Rogers hit Havner for a 45 yard touchdown pass to put the Packers up 7-3. For an encore, Rodgers hit Donald Driver for a 71 yard touchdown to make it 14-3 Packers. After a Cleveland turnover, which is not a delicious pastry, the Packers moved 15 yards, with Ryan Grant moving the final yard to put the Packers up 21-3 at the break.

In the third quarter, the Packers added a field goal most likely because they could, as the Browns enjoyed the moral victory of not giving up another touchdown. The Packers led 24-3, proving that even an organization with Ted Thompson and Mike McCarthy can overcome a 3-0 deficit against a bad team. Rodgers hit Jones in the fourth quarter from 5 yards out, although nobody outside of Wisconsin cared. 31-3 Packers

San Francisco 49ers @ Houston Texans–A pair of overrated teams coming into the season faced off. Mike Singletary must have been scowling early on as Steve Slaton powered the offense of the Texans. In the first quarter Slaton ran it in from one yard out, and in the second quarter a 9 yard touchdown reception by Slaton from Matt Schaub had the Texans up 14-0. When Schaub hit Owen Daniels for a 42 yard touchdown pass to make it 21-0, Singletary tried screaming at the Texans offense to stop scoring. Like his own 49ers players, the Texans tuned him out.

Shawn Hill was benched at halftime, and former # 1 pick Alex Smith came in. Smith showed no rust, throwing a 29 yard touchdown pass to Vernon Davis to get the 49ers to within 21-7. Smith came back again, and hit Davis with a 14 yard score to pull the 49ers to within 21-14 in the fourth quarter. A 10 play, 5 1/2 minute drive led to a field goal and some breathing room for the Texans at 24-14. It barely lasted as Smith continued an aerial assault. His 3rd touchdown pas of the day to Davis went for 23 yards and had the 49ers within a field goal with 3 1/2 minutes left.

With 1:54 remaining in the game, the Texans had 3rd and 8 at the 49ers 37, and the 49ers had one timeout left. A well designed naked rollout was even better defended, and a long gain to ice the game was instead an incomplete pass. Gary Kubiak decided against a 55 yard field goal, and punted. The 49ers took over at their own 7 with 1:38 left. A valiant effort fell short, but the 49ers now have a quarterback controversy. 24-21 Texans

San Diego Chargers @ Kansas City Chiefs–The Chiefs are bad, but they got their first win last week against an even more awful team. The Chargers have talented and underachieving players led by Norvelous Norv Turner. Yet even Turner figured out that letting Philip Rivers throw against the Chiefs was easy. Rivers led a 10 play, 80 yard drive that took 5 minutes. A 3 yard toss to Malcolm Floyd made it 7-0. The Chargers repeated on their second possession, and Rivers hit Vincent Shiancoe for the 10 yard touchdown to make it 14-0. For some reason the final 3 quarters were played.

Rivers led a 10 play, 82 yard drive that took 5 1/2 minutes. It bogged down at the 3 yard line, but a 20 yard Nate Kaeding field goal had the Chargers up 17-0. The Chiefs celebrated the non-touchdown. With one minute left in the half, Cassel threw a perfect pass between a pair of defenders that would have been a touchdown had it not been dropped. On 4th and 3, rather than go for it given an earlier failed 4th and 1 quarterback sneak, Todd Haley went conservative with a bad team and decided on just putting points on the board. The field goal was missed. That gave the Chargers just enough time for Kaeding to attempt a field goal. His was good, and the Chargers led 20-0 at intermission.

In the third quarter, Cassel moved the Chiefs 65 yards in 5 minutes over 10 plays, hitting Dwayne Bowe for a 7 yard score to make it 20-7. The rains then came down, making the game as unwatchable from a weather perspective as it already was from a football standpoint. Rivers added an exclamation point with a 58 yard touchdown pass to Darren Sproles to have the Chargers cruising at 27-7. Matt Cassel had a pass intercepted and returned inside the Kansas City 5 yard line. On 4th and goal from the one, Ladanian Tomlinson was short, and the Chiefs had a goal line stand.

In the fourth quarter, to thank the defense, Cassel threw another interception that was again returned to the 5 yard line. Out of sympathy for the Chiefs, an illegal block on the return had the ball moved back. Hey, I can relate, it got called on me as well in my game. A field goal extended the Chargers lead to 30-7. Special teams continued the blowout as Jacob Hester blocked a punt and recovered it for a touchdown to make it final. I take back everything I said. Norvelous Norv Turner is a genius. The trick is for his teams to play teams even more terrible. 37-7 Chargers

Indianapolis Colts @ St. Louis Rams–In a common theme this year, very good teams are blowing out very bad teams, with less upsets. Not even Rush Limbaugh could save the Rams, who almost go their first win against a mediocre team last week. At least they went to overtime. This week Peyton Manning ended any suspense when the Colts got the ball. He began by leading a 12 play, 90 yard drive that consumed 6 minutes. A pair of touchdowns, a 6 yarder to Reggie Wayne to finish this drive and a 27 yarder to Dallas Clark, had the Colts up 14-3 early on, with the only suspense being that the Rams kicked a field goal.

To keep Manning’s arm healthy for the playoffs in 10 weeks, Jim Caldwell decided to have him hand the ball off. Joseph Addai ran it in from 6 yards out to put the Colts up 21-3. Sadly for the Rams, the 3 knockdown rule was not in effect.

In the third quarter the Rams kicked another field goal to prove that they had actually exited the locker rooms. They should have stayed there, as Marc Bulger threw a 35 yard touchdown pass to Jacob Lacey, who plays defense for the Colts. The interception had the Colts up 28-6.

In the fourth quarter Manning led a 93 yard, 11 play, 7 minute drive that ended when Manning hit Collie for 8 yards. A 31 yard touchdown run by Simpson sent the Rams to their 17th straight loss dating back to last year. Last year’s Detroit team is watching closely.

Maybe Peyton Manning is not a good football player or Jim Caldwell is a taskmaster, but benching Manning for Jim Sorgi seems cruel. Then again, if Manning keeps doing a day’s work in half the time against dreadful teams, Sorgi will have to give up his clipboard in favor of a mop more often. 42-6 Colts

New England Patriots @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers–Grumpy New England visited Jolly Old England. This game was played in Wembley Stadium in London, England. In 1776, the Colonies were heavy underdogs to the British Empire. Ironically in this game the Patriots were the British in terms of expected power. Could the Buccaneers pull the upset like our Founding Fathers and provide an entertaining game. No, not at all. The Brits now understand the meaning of “no refunds.”

Last week the Patriots won 59-0 against a winless team. This week they are going for 100-0 against the team that used to and may again be referred to as the Yucks. As expected, Tom Brady fired at will. Josh Johnson actually threw the first touchdown pass, but it was to Brandon Meriweather, who plays defense for New England. The 39 yard return had the Patriots up 7-0. Brady decided to also throw a touchdown to a New England player, and a 12 yarder to Wes Welker had the Patriots up 14-0 after the opening quarter.

Brady then fired a short pass to Sam Aiken, who broke several missed things described as tackles to race 54 yards for a touchdown to put the Patriots up 21-0. Then Josh Johnson completed a 33 yard touchdown pass. Shockingly enough, the receiver plays on the same team as he does. After outscoring opponents 80-0 over 2 games, the Patriots had given up 7 points. Bill Bellcihick threatened to leave all of his players in London. Luckily for the Buccaneers, the 59 points from last week do not count, so they only trailed 21-7. The British pretended to be impressed.

The Patriots were unimpressed as well. In the third quarter Brady led a 10 play, 73 yard drive that took 6 minutes. Brady hit Watson for a 35 yard touchdown to put the Patriots up 28-7. Brady finished 23 of 32 while Johnsonw as a wretched 9 of 26 with 3 interceptions. Lawrence Maroney capped off the lack of excitement with a one yard touchdown run in the fourth quarter. In England they wondered why Jon Gruden was in the Monday Night Football booth. We in America wonder the same as the Buccaneers remain winless, perhaps a tribute to when they wore orange creamsicle pants. 35-7 Patriots

Minnesota Vikings @ Pittsburgh Steelers–Yes, the Vikings are underdogs at 6-0, but the defending champion Steelers expected to put more pressure on Brett Favre than other opponents. Favre was hit early and often early on, and while this did not have the suspense of the Super Bowl these teams played in during the 1970s, it was just as low scoring as the Steelers led 3-0 in the first quarter. (Actually to be technical the Super Bowl had less, as Pittsburgh led 2-0. Let it go.) The Steelers moved only 18 yards in 8 plays, the closest thing to a drive.

In the second quarter, Favre led an actual drive, going 13 plays and 76 yards in 5 1/2 minutes. Adrian Peterson ran it in from 2 yards out to put the Vikings up 7-3. Big Ben Roethlisberger had a tough first half as well, but a 91 yard drive was finished with a 40 yard touchdown pass to Wallace had the Steelers up 10-7 with seconds left in the half.

The defenses hunkered down in the third quarter. Pittsburgh added a field goal, and Minnesota responded in kind as the Steelers led 13-10. One minute into the fourth quarter the Steelers missed a chance to create some breathing room when Rashard Mendenhall fumbled at the 3 yard line.

With 6 1/2 minutes remaining and the Vikings on the move, a pair of big plays lit up the game. First, a fumble was returned 77 yards by Woodley appeared to put the game on ice at 20-10. The lead lasted 20 seconds, as Percy Harvin returned the ensuing kickoff 88 yards for a score to get the Vikings right back to within a field goal at 20-17.

With just over one minute remaining, Favre found Adrian Peterson for a 29 yard gain, involving Peterson leveling and running over a defender as Jim Brown would. From the Pittsburgh 15, the Vikings were well in position to tie or win. Yet a short Favre pass bounced off the receiver’s hands, and was returned 82 yards for a touchdown by Fox in another stunning turn of events. The Vikings lost their first game to fall to 6-1, and the defending champions played like it. Two defensive touchdowns in the fourth quarter overcame the fact that the Vikings had the ball for 37 minutes. A rematch of this game would be well worth watching. Both of these teams remain very good. 27-17 Steelers

Buffalo Bills @ Carolina Panthers–Sometimes a pair of bad teams can produce a good game. More often than not, they don’t. Jake Delhomme threw an interception that was returned to the Carolina 7 yard line. Marshawn Lynch did the rest on the gorund to put the Bills up 7-0.

The first half stats were ridiculous. The Panthers led in yards 238-39. Yes, Buffalo had 39 total yards. The Panthers had the ball for 22 1/2 minutes to only 7 1/2minutes for Buffalo. Buffalo had only 2 first downs compared to 13 for Carolina. This is Dick Jauron football. Yet Buffalo led at the break. The only Carolina score came on defense against inept Buffalo offense in the form of a safety. A missed Carolina field goal ended the half with the Bills somehow leading 7-2.

After a scoreless third quarter, Ryan Fitzpatrick threw a 2 yard touchdown pass to Lee Evans. The Bills added a field goal in a second half that was as ugly as the first half for everyone outside for Western New York and nearby Canada. With 6 1/2 minutes left Delhomme finally got the Panthers in the end zone, leading a 78 yard drive Deangelo Williams capped off on the ground for a 15 yard touchdown. The Panthers were within 8 points. Yet Buffalo managed one more field goal to end this game.

The Panthers outgained the Bills 425 to 167, and Delhomme outpassed Patrick 325 to 123. Yet 4 Panthers turnovers, including 3 interceptions of Delhomme, doomed Carolina. Also, Dick Jauron is a mastermind. He somehow gets to coach again next week. The Panthers led 20-9 in 1st downs, but the score was the reverse. 20-9 Bills

New York Jets @ Oakland Raiders–For more on the game of the day, go to

JaMarcus Russell wears jersey # 2 because that is how he has been playing. On the very first play from scrimmage from the Oakland 10, Russell was sacked and fumbled. 11 seconds into the game, and Russell was already awful. The Jets began with 1st and goal at the Oakland 4. On 4th and goal at the 1, Thomas Jones ran it in. A valiant, almost goal line stand meant nothing, but this was on the offense. On the next drive Russell was intercepted by Jim Leonard. It was a perfect pass right to Leonard, who raced 45 yards as the Jets began their second drive at the Oakland 5. Mark Sanchez, a rookie who actually can play football, scored on the quarterback draw to make it 14-0 only minutes into the game.

I have been defending Russell for some time. No more. I don’t know if he is lazy, or too dumb to play the game, but he simply has not made an ounce of progress. He has no pocket presence. As of this moment, I am officially declaring him a complete bust until and unless he proves otherwise.

Last year the Jets began 8-3, but one of those losses was to the Raiders. In overtime, Tom Cable made is first gutsy decision by ending things with a 57 yard field goal by Sebastian Janikowski. Seabass drilled it, and the Raiders won 16-13. The Raiders are coming off a tough win against a good team, and had a chance to win back to back games against a Jets team that started 3-0 but has lost 3 straight. That dream died quickly.

Russell began handing the ball off after his two turnovers, an Justin Fargas, filling in for an injured Darren McFadden, was brilliant early on. With the Raiders at midfield, Russell for some reasonw as allowed to throw it again. He went deep to the end zone, and was intercepted by Darrel Revis for Russell’s 3rd turnover.

The Jets started at their own 20 instead of the Oakland 5. On 4th down, Rex Ryan called a fake punt. It worked, as punter Weatherford picked up 20 yards. When a team fakes a punt at their own 20, it tells the other team that they have zero respect for them. Why should anybody respect the Raiders? Exactly. The Raiders did get the ball back, and a 35 yard run by Fargas was followed by Russell passes that were lucky to fall incomplete. I can’t keep bragging about punter Shane Lechler. It makes me ill.

On 3rd and 10, a stop by the Oakland defense was negated by defensive holding on Stanford Routt. Routt is the JaMarcus Russell of the defense, meaning he is a terrible football player and the weak link. Tom Cable tried to challenge the call, which cannot be done. A 30 yard run by Shawn Green followed, again putting the Jets at the Oakland 7 yard line. Green put it in on the next play to have the Jets up 21-0 and complete the 10 play, 93 yard, 5 1/2 minute drive.

Tom Cable had finally had enough. Bruce Gradkowski came in the game and Russell was benched. Cable showed confidence in Gradkowski by having him throw deep early. A well thrown ball was well defended incomplete. Another ball not well thrown was almost intercepted. On 3rd and 10 Gradkowski hit Zach Miller for 7 yards and Lechler punted. The Jets added a field goal as the half expired to lead 24-0.

Gradkowski started the second half, and led a promising drive. However, eventually he was hit, fumbled, and the Jets had the ball midway though the third quarter. Sanchez responded by throwing a touchdown pass to Clowny to put the Jets up 31-0. The fourth quarter saw Greene run it in from 33 yards out to make it 38-0.

Two weeks ago the Raiders lost 44-7 as the other New York team compared playing against the Raiders as practicing a scrimmage. Last week the Raiders showed heart in a 13-9 win. Yet just as quickly, the team collapsed again. More humiliation came for the Raiders when Sanchez was caught on the sidelines eating a hot dog. The Raiders managed to reach the New York 3 yard line late before failing to score. The final ignominy came when the game ended. The Jets, who had back to back 300 yard rushing games, had a couple of players, with help from Rex Ryan, give a Gatorade bath to Bill Callahan. Callahan took the Raiders to the Superbowl in 2002. He was fired when the team collapsed in 2003. Now he coaches the offensive line for the Jets.  38-0 Raiders

Chicago Bears @ Cincinnati Bengals–This is the game of felons, as Cedric Benson and Tank Johnson visit their old team, who kept their other criminals. The Bears are hurting on defense, and the Bengals are much improved despite the surprise loss at home last week. Carson Palmer put on a clinic early on, completing 14 of his first 16 passes for 4 touchdowns. He hit Chris Henry for 9 yards and Chad Johnson for 8 in the first quarter, and Foschi for a 3 yard score and Laverneous Coles for an 8 yarder in the second quarter as the Bengals led 28-0. The field goal kicker was getting lonely, so the Bengals failed to score a touchdown on their next possession.The kick had Cincinnati up 31-0. With 1:10 left in the half, the Bengals fell asleep, allowing the Bears to kick a field goal as the half expired for a 31-3 game.

Like many games today, the second half was pointless. A Jay Cutler interception led to a 13 yard touchdown from Palmer to Johnson to make it 38-3. It was not instant replay when Cutler was intercepted again. Benson scored from one yard out on the opening play of the fourth quarter to make it 45-3. Marvin Lewis saw his team respond after the loss last week to improve to 5-2, while Lovie Smith has many questions in need of answers. 45-10 Bengals

Atlanta Falcons @ Dallas Cowboys–Both of these teams have plenty of talent, but only Atlanta is playing like it. Matt Ryan began the game with a 16 play, 8 1/2 minute drive that ended with Ryan hitting Roddy White for a 4 yard touchdown pass to make it 7-0. Nick Folk kicked a 38 yard field goal in the second quarter to make it 7-3. The Cowboys have big play explosiveness, which is why Jerry Jones wants to fire everybody for wasting his 1/2 billion dollar investment. Yet Jerry got his money’s worth when Tony Romo threw a 59 yard touchdown pass to Miles Austin to put the Cowboys up 10-7. With seconds left in the half, Romo evaded several tacklers, somehow stayed upright, and fired a 7 yard touchdown pass to put the Cowboys up 17-7 at the break.

Matt Ryan led led the Falcons 87 yards in 12 plays over 6 1/2 minutes in the third quarter to get the Falcons to within 17-14. Yet Dallas broke it open after that. Romo brought the Cowboys right back 80 yards, with a 22 yard touchdown to Austin to make it 24-14 Cowboys.

In the fourth quarter the Cowboys got the ball back and drove 12 plays in 5 1/2 yards with a field goal making it 27-14. The Falcons punted again, and Patrick Crayton added the dagger by returning it 73 yards for a touchdown to break the game open at 34-14. Matt Ryan did throw a 30 yard touchdown pass to Weems, but it was too little, too late. Dallas added one more field goal to close out the scoring and keep everybody in Dallas employed for one more week. 37-21 Cowboys

New Orleans Saints @ Miami Dolphins–Although Bill Parcells is in the President’s box, this game was a Tuna Bowl as his proteges Sean Payton and Tony Sparano went at it. Payton and his undefeated Saints defeated the previously unbeaten Giants last week, angering another Parcells protege Tom Coughlin. Bill Bellichick was unavailable for comment.

The Saints were uncharacteristically bumbling in the first half. Brees was intercepted, allowing the Dolphins to start at the Saints 4. A Wildcat snap had Ricky Williams running it in to make it 7-0. It was the first time all year the Saints had trailed. The Saints returned the kickoff nearly all the way when a diving lunge barely clipped an ankle. Starting from the Miami 15, the Saints lost 7 yards and kicked a field goal to trail 7-3. Ricky Williams then ran for a 68 yard touchdown as the stunned Saints fell behind 14-3.

The Dolphins then mounted a 12 play drive that ate up 7 1/2 minutes. A field goal made it 17-3. Another Saints turnover had the Dolphins at the Saints 19. Ronnie Brown took it the final 8 yards to have the Dolphins in a rout 24-3. The Saints missed a field goal in a game where everything was going wrong during a season where everything had previously gone right. Yet with only seconds left in the half, Drew Brees found Marques Colston at the goal line, allowing Brees to sneak over on the last play of the half to get the Saints to within 24-10.

The third quarter had the Saints mounting a furious rally. It started on defense, with Darren Sharper returning a Chad Penne pass 42 yards for a touchdown to get the Saints to within 24-17. Later in the period Drew Brees was intercepted for the third time, as Miami took over at the Saints 16. They went nowhere, and kicked a field goal to lead 27-17. Yet brees came right back, leading the Saints 82 yards in almost 5 minutes. Brees hit Colston for a 10 yard touchdown as the Saints, down 24-3, were now only down 27-24. Yet a 67 yard pass play involving Brian Hartlyle set up Rick Williams. On the last play of the quarter, Williams ran it in from 4 yards out as the Dolphins led 34-24 entering the final quarter.

The Saints needed only 3 plays to respond. A 66 yard catch and run from Brees to Jeremy Shockey set up Reggie Bush from 10 yards out on a double reverse for a diving touchdown past the pileon to get the Saints to within 34-31. The Saints got the ballback, and Jeremy Shockey became a one man wrecking crew at receiver, running over people. Drew Brees ran a sneak in from 2 yards out to put the Saints up with 8 1/2 minutes left. Yet a bad hold caused John Carney to miss the extra point, so the Saints led 37-34 rather than by 4 points.

The Saints got the ball back, and a key play in the game occurred with 3 1/2 minutes left. The Saints faced 3rd and goal at the Miami 3 with a chance to put the game away. Brees went to Colston, but perfect defense led to an incomplete pass. Carney hit the field goal to put the Saints up by 6 points as the earlier missed extra point loomed very large.

One week earlier Henne led a late game comeback, and he was asked to do it twice in successive weeks. Asked is not the right term. It’s his job. On 4th and 13 from the Miami 41, with 2:06 left, Henne was intercepted by Tracy Porter, who raced 53 yards for the clinching touchdown. The 2 point conversion failed, but it was academic. After falling behind 24-3, the Saints outscored the Dolphins 43-10, including 22-0 in the fourth quarter. Yes, they are 6-0, and they are that good. 46-34 Saints

Arizona Cardinals @ New York Giants was the Sunday Night game. Some New Yorkers were conflicted as the Giants hosted a home game at the same time that the Yankees hosted the Angels in the baseball playoffs. For people like me, baseball is boring, and that is why multiple tv sets can have multiple sports on for when friends drop by. The baseball game had no sound. I live in a football household, and that meant the Greatest Show in the Desert traveling to face Big Blue. Yet on a day of mismatches, this looked like a home team coronation. The Giants, angry coming off a loss, with their tough defense, would manhandle the Cardinals offense. After all, the Cardinals are a finesse team. Not today.

After a scoreless first quarter, a Kurt Warner interception set up the Giants at the Arizona 29. Brandon Jacobs ran 25 yards down to the 4, and then ran the final 4 yards for the touchdown to put the Giants up 7-0. A field position game benefited the Cardinals when they took over after a punt at the New York 46. Wells ran it in from 13 yards out to tie the game 7-7. The Giants bounced right back, with plenty of luck. Eli Manning went deep. The ball was batted by Rogers-Cromartie, and the tip drill had it going into the arms of Nicks, who raced for the 62 yard touchdown and a 14-7 Giants lead. Warner came right back, hitting Anquon Boldin for 44 yards to set up a field goal just before the half as the Giants led 14-10.

In the second half, after a Giants punt, the Cardinals took over at their own 45. With a short field, Warner hit Larry Fitzgerald for passes of 26 and 27 yards. Tim Hightower ran it in from one yard out to put the Cardinals up 17-14. An Eli Manning interception had the Cardinals at the Giants 20. Warner hit Wright for 6 yards as the Cardinals built a 24-14 lead after three quarters.

Early in the fourth quarter, the Giants faced a 4th and 1 at the Arizona 2. Tom Coughlin decided not to gamble. The Giants needed two scores, and the field goal got the Giants to within a one score game. The Giants got the ball back, and with 4 minutes left, a promising drive was fumbled away at the Arizona 44. The Giants got the ball back again, and with 1:15 left, the Giants were on the Arizona 39. Yet Manning was then intercepted by Antrel Rolle, Manning’s 3rd pick of the day. Powered by defense, the Cardinals out-muscled and out-physicaled the Giants. 24-17 Cardinals

Philadelphia Eagles @ Washington Redskins was the Monday Night game. Once again, a good team traveled to face a bad team, with no surprises. Yes, the Redskins had a new play caller in Sherm Lewis, but they still had the same players. Less than 2 minutes into the game, Deshean Jackson had a 67 yard touchdown run and the Eagles led 7-0. Jason Campbell threw a 9 yard touchdown pass to William Witherspoon, who plays defense for the Eagles. So while technically the Redskins showed up on the field, the Eagles quickly led 14-0. The rest of the game was played because league rules require it.

In the second quarter David Akers added a 47 yard field goal to make it 17-0. Jason Campbell did lead a drive that ended in a 2 yard run by Thomas to cut the gap to 17-7, but that was as close as this mismatch was. Akers added a 44 yard field goal to make it 20-7. Then Donovan McNabb, who could have treated this game like preseason, threw a 57 yard touchdown pass to Deshean Jackson to make it 27-7. On the last play of the half, the Redskins kicked a field goal, but for some reason the crowd did not light up with cheers as the Eagles led 27-10 at halftime.

The second half was as uneventful as it was badly played. The Eagles coasted because they could. The Redskins reached 4th and goal at the 4 but decided to go for it rather than kick a field goal. They turned it over on downs. While the entire second half was garbage time, the real garbage time in the final two minutes saw the Redskins score a meaningless touchdown. Had they kicked the earlier field goal it would have provided suspense. They didn’t, so it didn’t. The Eagles are a good team, and the Redskins are horrendous. 27-17 Eagles

After 7 weeks, 3 teams remain unbeaten while 3 more remain winless. Disparity indeed.


Farewell, King of the Hill

Saturday, October 24th, 2009

Farewell Hank Hill.

Be well Boomhauer, my incomprehensible friend.

Take care Bill Daughtrey.

Good Luck Dale Gribble.

Kahn and his family are going, and taking Nancy Gribble, John Redcorn, and young Joseph with them.

For the last 13 years, the fictional town of Arlen, Texas, came into our living rooms on Sunday nights.

They were nicer than the Simpsons, less coarse than the gang at South Park, and better friends than even the cast of Friends.

They did not need to go to Moe’s Tavern or even the bar on Cheers. They simply drank in front of Hank’s home on the street.

My very first week as a blogger was in March of 2007, where I wrote about King of the Hill.

“While King of the Hill’ is a fictional show, and a cartoon at that, it does what most shows fail to do…show red-state America in a positive light.

Yes, Boomhauer is incomprehensible, and Dale Gribble is the stereotypical government conspiracy nut. However, they are not treated as the norm. Hank is friends with them, but he (and the rest of the town) see them (especially Dale) as wingnuts. Hank Hill likes football, red meat, and while he believes in Jesus, does not preach to others. His primary concerns are feeding his family and helping his son grow up the right way. He is uncomfortable talking about things people don’t talk about.

Hank Hill might not be totally comfortable talking about gays, but he is not hostile towards them. He goes hunting, but does not have bloodlust. He drinks beer, not Evian water. He votes republican, but is more interested in talking about the Dallas Cowboys. Also, he is a ‘guy’s guy.’ When a touchy feely liberal asked him ‘How about you just bond with me? How about you just understand me?,’ he replied ‘How about I just kick your @ss?’ He was not looking for a fight. He just wanted to be left alone from all the ‘touchy-feely’ garbage that in his (and many) mind is bringing down America. When a Massachusetts client wanted to call him J.R., and have him wear a cowboy hat, he replied ‘You know, Texas has changed a lot in the last 150 years.’

King of the Hill works because it treats red state America with dignity. It does poke fun at ‘Bubbas,’ but it pokes more fun at the elitists that misunderstand them. In the end, Hank is a Bubba, but what is a Bubba anyway? A Bubba is a hard working family man who just wants to watch football, drink a beer, and eat a steak, without being attacked by liberal, vegetarian tofu nuts while doing it. It was Bubbas at Iwo Jima, not New England liberals on college deferments.”

Now 13 years later, our friends in Arlen, Texas, are saying goodbye.

I loved King of the Hill. It was a fun show that actually dealt with some serious things.

I loved the fact that it treated Middle America with dignity. As someone who has recently been to many new places all across America, I can tell you that what elitists refer to as hicks, hillbillies, and hayseeds, I refer to as really kind human beings.

Yet as fun as King of the Hill was for so long, the very last episode was outstanding. I know it is “only” a cartoon, but so many television shows have underwhelming finales to their series. King of the Hill was subtle about it, but the show ended about as perfectly as possible.

One of the themes running throughout the show was the relationship between fathers and sons. Hank Hill loved his son Bobby, but constantly lamented how different he was. Hank was an athlete. Bobby was not. Hank was a “guy’s guy.” Bobby was not.

A couple of lines I remember from the show in particular reflected this relationship.

“Something about that boy aint right.”

“Well I want to hang out with Bobby, but the boy isn’t really good at anything.”

Bobby idolized his dad, and really hated disappointing him. Yet despite his struggle to mature, he was a good kid. Hank knew this, and stayed patient.

This patience came from the fact that his own father was abusive. Cotton Hill had his shins blown off in World War II. He was not a compassionate man. He would speak in a way toward Hank that Hank would never speak to Bobby.

“Boy, I gave you this task because it’s unimportant, and I knew you’d probably screw it up.”

Cotton eventually remarried a woman 40 years his junior, and they had a child. He wanted to name the boy Hank, but he already had a son named Hank. So instead he named the kid “Good Hank,” or G.H. for short. He even referred to Hank’s wife Peggy Hill as “Hank’s wife.”

Yes, it was only a cartoon, but Hank managed to love is father despite the old man’s abusive nature, and love his son despite his son being more than a tad odd. He made sure to discipline his son, but not in the cruel way he was disciplined by Cotton.

The last episode showed Bobby finally finding his calling. It turned out Bobby had actually been listening to his father all of those years. Bobby had a knack for discovering the quality level of meat. He could tell what meat was prime, and what was flawed. As Hank beams with pride, Bobby goes on to win a meat judging championship. Despite never being good at football, Bobby finally brings home a trophy.

Hank was thrilled, but what made the moment so nice was that he loved Bobby even without the trophy.

As the very last episode ended, Hank surprises Bobby with his very own grill. Peggy comes outside to see father and son bonding as they grill steaks together. After 13 years, the finally have something in common.

I found this episode poignant because I have nothing in common with the people who brought me into this world. My parents are retired schoolteachers. I am a stockbrokerage professional. My parents are quiet. I speak publicly for a living.

My father likes guns. I support gun rights, but guns do not interest me. My dad likes fishing. To me fishing is even more boring. I like football. My dad has zero interest in it.

I made an effort. I went fishing with him once. I went to the gun range with him once. This was one more time than he was willing to sit and watch football.

He is who he is. One day he will be gone. All I know is that while there are plenty of boys who grew up without fathers, there are other boys who spent time with their fathers actually doing things. This is a foreign concept to me.

People cannot and should not force their interests on others. Yet as an adult, I just hope that my future son voluntarily enjoys some of the things I enjoy. I will still love him if he prefers fishing to football. I just might have less to talk to him about. I will make an effort, but that is not a guarantee of bonding.

Hank Hill remembered how brutal Cotton was on him. Through a lifetime of acquired patience, he found a way to bond with Bobby that was as genuine as can be. This aspect of life is no cartoon.

Society is better when families are stronger. For 13 years, a television show gave us a positive portrayal of a family that consisted of decent salt of the Earth people.

New neighbors will move in, but for those that like good families and good television, the Hills are already missed.

Take care Hank. You were a good dad and a better neighbor. You also had great writers.

Mike Judge, way to end it on a high note.


Now on to the Week 7 NFL pregame spreads.

Green Bay Packers @ Cleveland Browns

(Packers by 7.5, they cover)

San Francisco 49ers @ Houston Texans

(Texans by 3, upset special, 49ers win outright)

San Diego Chargers @ Kansas City Chiefs

(Chargers by 4.5, upset special, Chiefs win outright)

Indianapolis Colts @ St. Louis Rams

(Colts by 13, they cover)

New England Patriots @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers

(Patriots by 14.5, they cover)

Minnesota Vikings @ Pittsburgh Steelers

(Steelers by 4, they win but fail to cover)

Buffalo Bills @ Carolina Panthers

(No line, Panthers win)

New York Jets @ Oakland Raiders

(Jets by 6, upset special, Raiders win outright)

Chicago Bears @ Cincinnati Bengals

(Bengals by 1.5, they cover)

Atlanta Falcons @ Dallas Cowboys

(Cowboys by 4, they win but fail to cover)

New Orleans Saints @ Miami Dolphins

(Saints by 6.5, they win but fail to cover)

Arizona Cardinals @ New York Giants

(Giants by 7, they cover)

Philadelphia Eagles @ Washington Redskins

(Eagles by 7, they cover)


Palm Springs Boulliabase Friday

Friday, October 23rd, 2009

Last night was Diamond Bar, and tomorrow is Malibu. Today the Tygrrrr Express is on Palm Springs for the second time in three weeks, this time to speak to the Palm Springs Republican Women’s Federated.

For those chronicling my wanderings, I am in the midst of 10 cities in 10 days. So while there are many news stories going on, I simply cannot cover them all.

So this will be one of those days where I take my uninformed opinions and create a boulliabase column.

Some people think I deliberately ignore certain stories. This is simply false. Sometimes I am on an airplane when news happens, and by the time I get to my computer, the story is old news. I blame the former Vice Presidentqho invented the internet.

Before getting to boulliabase Friday, I offer a completely irrelevant tangent. The 1980s sitcom “ALF,” led to the local ice cream truck selling ALF cards, which were like baseball cards. ALF played a fictional game called “boulliabaseball,” where “splats” was a recorded statistic.

Now where else can one get such valuable information?

Now on to the news.

Vice President Dick Cheney is an adult. Young President Barack Obama is throwing a temper tantrum, and he needs a timeout. This is not new. However, Mr. Obama needs to stop blaming his predecessor for everything from infectious diseases to puppies and kittens getting caught in trees. Enough already. President George W. Bush inherited a slowing economy, a collapsing stock market, and a gutted military, in addition to 9/11. He did what adults do. He shut up and went to work.

The Democrats were not always crybabies. FDR, Harry Truman, JFK, LBJ, were all “tough liberals.”

If President Obama continues to not only blame his predecessor for things, but actually makes up false charges, then Dick Cheney can and should keep forcefully correcting the record.

Those siding with Obama are liberal partisans who simply despise Bush and Cheney. They are ok with everything Obama does simply because Obama is. There is no objectivity. In the real world, if you make factually false statements, such as preparations regarding Afghanistan, be prepared for blowback when those that actually know what they are talking about publicly educate precocious kids.

One story I wish I never had to cover was Bernie Kerik. In the same way I felt awful when the Michael vick thing went down, but thoughts toward Bernie Kerik fall under the headline, “When heroes fall.”

I am going to defend Mr. Kerik in a way that probably will not help him in any way, but it needs to be said. One criticism of him is that he was sleeping with Judith Regan while married. Now I do not condone adultery, but the whole point of men getting wealth and power is so they can give the ketchup bottle treatment to women like Judith Regan. Powerful men get to sleep with hot women. Now there is a shock. Apparently Bernie Kerik is guilty of normalcy.

I actually communicated with him a couple of weeks ago, and was hoping to do an interview with him. However, that does not appear to be happening any time soon. All I know is nothing that is thrown at him will change the fact that he was an American hero on 9/11. His upbringing in this world was beyond tough, and he overcame long odds to lead a police force. Three people on 9/11 shone through, and they were George W. Bush, Rudy Giuliani, and Bernie Kerik. That fact is forever.

There was a scandal about anti-Semitic remarks made by South Carolina Republicans. I honestly knew nothing about the incident. I have been too busy to research it. I just know that the Republican Jewish Coalition condemned the remarks, which tells me that like good Republicans, this was not swept under the rug. Anti-Semitism must be crushed, no matter who utters the sentiments.

There is a David Letterman sex tape. Yes, the thought is revolting. Yet on a happier note, all of those Frank Gifford and Dick Morris jokes are now proof that Karma exists. My only comment is that it makes perfect sense why one of his lovers was Stephanie Burkett. I was a fan of Letterman for 20 years, but some of his skits were just not funny. He had a character named “Manny the Hippie,” who was a stoner who was celebrated for saying things like “diggity dank” and “schwag.”

Well one set of skits that I never found funny were those involving Stephanie, who he sometimes referred to as Monte and Smitty. She was whiny and annoying, and simply not funny. Letterman had a history of making ordinary people famous, but it worked because the skits were funny. I still to this day love Biff Henderson. He is a riot. Stephanie was not funny, and Letterman allowed his sexual relationships to lower the quality of the show.

Anyway, there is so much more I could say, and if I actually watch the news or pick up a newspaper, maybe I will. As a political blogger, it would help if I actually read politics. This traveling has been hazardous for my research.

Then again, speaking to chapters of the Republican Women’s Federated is a godsend. What red blooded American male would not want to be in a room with a bunch of Republican women? They constantly offer me their daughters and granddaughters and I don’t blame them. On my best days I am more than moderately delightful. More importantly, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. These ladies really know how to eat well. So basically this entire book tour is a ploy to be around better women and better food. Also, some of these ladies like football, which makes them perfect.

The baseball playoffs are going on. In further news, baseball is still boring.

Besides, outside of football, the only sport I will watch is boulliabaseball.

Several fish were harmed in the most recent series, as those splats at home plate can be painful.

This concludes Palm Springs Boulliabaseball Friday.

If any of you criticize this column, I will find you and subject you to a polka jamboree.

That can wait until accordian Tueday, whenever that will occur.


Ode to Charles Kuralt Part II

Thursday, October 22nd, 2009

Last week I offered a tribute to Charles Kuralt after completing four cities in four days. Yet all of those were in California. I am now in the middle of 10 cities in 10 days. I have decided to offer a different twist.

My goal is to “compete” with Charles Kuralt, although he will always be the master of Americana. I am a humble imitator that would be honored to come anywhere close to what he brought to this country through his travels.

Therefore, I have decided to see if he has been where I have been, and compare and contrast our experiences.

On Saturday, October 17th, I spoke at a GOP BBQ in Duplin County, North Carolina. Pink Hill was the city.

For those who have never had Carolina BBQ, do it as quickly as you can. I was a very satiated man by the time I was done eating.

Also, check out the greenery of North Carolina. It is breathtaking.

Yet most importantly, meet the people. I keep hearing about red states and blue states. This is nonsense. People are people. No state in the union has a 90-10 registration differential. Most states that are considered red or blue have a 60-40 breakdown. Then within each state are counties and cities with their own personalities. North Carolina is considered a red state, but Duplin County is controlled by Democrats. Republicans have been in the minority for some time.

The people I met were quite religious. They expressed how much they loved their Christian faith. Yet like most Christians I have met, they did not see me as a heretic for being Jewish. They did not try to convert me. All they did was obey the basic Christian tenet of “love thy neighbor.”

My Duplin experience got off to a bizarre start. I arrived at the location, which was in the middle of nowhere, except less remote. The only thing near the building was a trailer. I parked near the trailer, and out of nowhere, a shirtless young man opened the door. I had heard of people living in trailers, but had never met one. Apparently I was on his property.

I explained that I was attending an event, and he said it was fine to park there. His name was Caleb, and I sat on the grass outside while he sat on his porch. He had long hair, and did kind of have a crazed look about him. At only 20 years old, he already had a wife and child. Yet while he called himself a redneck, he was not “trailer trash.” He had a job. He fixed cars, which I certainly can’t do.

I told him I was from California, and he asked me a very valid question in a quizzical tone of voice that was totally appropriate. He was not hostile, but his question was certainly expected.

“Why are you here?”

Apparently people do not voluntarily hang out near his trailer.

I saw he was not some backwoods hick, and he saw I was not some stuckup snob from a big city. People are people.

When I left Duplin County, I told him that I would never forget him. He was the last guy I spoke to in North Carolina. I would not have had it any other way. He was one of the strangest guy I had ever met, but he would probably say the same about me. Either way, Caleb was fun as all heck to chat with.

Yet if there is one memory I will take away from Duplin County, North Carolina, it was meeting Stevie Rivenbark, who is Miss Wilmington. She finished in the top 10 in the Miss North Carolina pageant. The eventual Miss North Carolina went on to become Miss USA.

Stevie Rivenbark is that rare combination of stunning beauty, fine mind, and inner warmth.In the coming weeks I will be interviewing her. If she has a Jewish twin sister, I will propose to that woman immediately.

I would like to thank Judy Arnett and Bob Pruett for introducing me to the lovely people of Duplin County. Yes, I would still be saying this if Ms. Wilmington was not there.

I drove six hours to Silver Springs Maryland. My friend Rachael, who does not share my politics, has a beautiful and kind heart. She also had a comfy couch for the weary to rest.

On Sunday, October 18th, I got to meet the people of Monkton, Maryland. I was the opening act for Jim Rutledge, who is running for the U.S. Senate. Jim is a great guy, and his wife Kim is just lovely. His staffer Lisa Fitzhugh took a complete stranger and made him feel like family. In fact, I think I showed the crowd that normal people can be from anywhere, even California.

Later that day, I got to speak to the Montgomery County, Maryland, Republican Women’s Federated. These women were passionate, and they were sharp as can be. One lady, 90 years of age, had energy that would make someone half her age envious.  Liz Rubin put the event together. Liz is a proud mother. Her daughter lost a shoe while competing in a race, yet finished the race with one foot shoeless.

On Monday, October 19th, I attended a luncheon put on by the Washington, DC, chapter of the Republican Jewish Coalition. Rachael attended with me. Despite not sharing my politics, her thirst for learning is as admirable as it is extensive.

The speaker was Ilan Berman, who offered a very unique approach to stabilizing Iraq. He thinks we should spend more on Iraqi education. It was a very different stand than one I would expect from a man who calls himself a conservative, but it was a fascinating discussion. I am still surprised that a discussion about foreign policy and Iraq would become a discussion about education. This was not a warmonger’s council. It was a serious discussion that any think tank would have been proud to witness.

Later that night, I spoke to the Arlington, Virginia, Young Republicans. Ian Meyeroff not only introduced me to many young Republicans, but he showed me where in Virginia to find a great burger. The place is “Whitlows.” He even found a couch for me to sleep on, so I did not have to drive back to Silver Springs.

In attendance at that event was a woman I went on a date with on December 23rd, 2004. She is now happily married to a great guy, and they have triplets. I met him for the first time, and he started by saying, “You dated my wife.” He said it in a jocular way that had us all laughing. Apparently he made a much better impression on her than I did. She is a lovely woman, but my short attention span had me fawning over somebody else on December 24th, 2004, allowing her to meet him.

I expected Tuesday, October 20th, to just be a trip to the airport. Yet thanks to a conservative blogger that prefers anonymity, I found myself at a blogger conference at the Heritage Foundation. This blogger is a staffer for Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell.

Just being inside the Heritage Foundation was a humbling experience. This is where sky high amounts of knowledge are unleashed and transmitted to America. I could picture Charles Krauthammer and the editorial board of the Wall Street Journal sitting in chairs coming up with the next concept that would transform America for the better.

No, I did not get to see Michael Steele in Maryland or Sir Charles of Krauthammer in DC, but I did make many new friends. Oh yeah, and if I forgot to mention it, Ms. Wilmington is pretty hot.

I landed in Los Angeles in time to sleep for a few hours before driving to San Diego and back to LA last night. Today is Diamond Bar and tomorrow is Palm Springs.

Yet curiosity forced me to see how Mr. Kuralt fared in these places.

Mr. Kuralt was from North Carolina, so he gets a head start on that one. The playing field is tilted in his favor.

Yet he was everywhere. He simply was the king of American Adventures.

As for me, it is an honor to even attempt to follow in his footsteps.

On to the next adventure.