Archive for July, 2008

T D Jakes Race Relations Take

Thursday, July 31st, 2008

The above column by T.D. Jakes is a poignant read. The paragraphs I want to focus on is the heart of the article. His sons are 30 years old now, but they were 7 at the time. I became a T.D. Jakes fan when he wrote an inspiring article in the wake of the tragic Virginia Tech shooting. Many wanted to assign blame. T.D. Jakes called for love and understanding. On race relations, this Dallas Deacon remains a Beacon.

“I have twin boys who are almost 30 years old now. But when they were very young, I was sitting with both of them in the predominantly white environment of my home in West Virginia talking about things fathers discuss with their sons. I shared with one of my sons, that when I was his age my skin tone was very much like his, very light. In a matter of fact way, I mentioned that as I got older, my skin darkened and changed to become much more like his brother’s skin, which was darker.

My son, whose skin tone was lighter, began to cry profusely. I was befuddled by his reaction, but when your 7-year-old is crying without a reason and you love him, you investigate it immediately! So I asked him why he was crying. He blurted out, “I don’t want to get blacker, Daddy!” He looked at me in total anguish and said something that left me astounded. He said, “Because if you are black they hate you more.” He cried so hard that I took him in my arms so that he couldn’t see that I too was shedding a tear or two, myself. I was hurt for both of my sons, and I was hurt with them.

I was stunned. How could I have let myself be so busy trying to provide for my family, that I didn’t realize how I had not equipped them for the harsh realities of a world that can at times be both cold and unwelcoming to those who are outside of our “norm?” Do not misunderstand me, I know all too well from my own experiences, how things can be when you are a minority in a majority world. But what I didn’t know, was that this 7-year-old had encountered this level of anguish at such an early age, and that he had resolved in his own way that if he could avoid getting any blacker he might not have to feel the painful consequences of looking different.”

This should never happen. No child should be crying his eyes out and begging to be somebody else. I personally remember what it was like to be a Jewish child surrounded by Christian kids. I did not believe in Jesus, and was therefore a freak. I wondered why God would bring me into the world to be different from everybody else. My parents tried to convince me that I was “special,” but that means nothing when seeing all the kids singing together, and me being different.

My parents had no idea about how bad the abuse was. After all, we were in a normal, middle class neighborhood, a supposedly “good” neighborhood. My parents worked all day to put food on the table. They tried their best.

My parents even told me as an adult that had they known how horrible it was, they would have home schooled me. I have said on more than one occasion that every public school should be shut down and declared a failure. Yet that is not what this column is about.

T.D. Jakes is telling a story of life in 1985. Yet where are we in 2008?

I believe that race relations in this country have never been better. I also believe that racism still exists. So does reverse racism.

Yet racism and reverse racism are losing power. They are dying, and society will be better off when they are completely killed.

The problem is that some people want to have “discussions” about race that are an absolute waste of time. Discussions are worthless unless everybody has a right to speak.

The problem with this is that the left will then ask if this includes the KKK offering their views. No, of course it does not. The Klan does not get represented. The left then decides to slice the pie further, until nobody who deviates from the left has a right to speak.

This is how black women on “The View” can use the n-word, while telling Elizabeth Hasselbeck that she cannot use it.

First of all, Elizabeth Hasselbeck should stop crying. She is naive to think that those women all love each other. Hasselbeck is a conservative, which means that the other women will shove her under a bus the minute she steps out of line.

Second of all, the n-word is disgusting. Nobody should say it. It is vile. This idea that black people can say it to each other with love is nonsense. It is a way of making white people uncomfortable. It restricts speech for some. The purpose of this is simply to scare white people to death. The purpose of this fear is revenge.

That is the heart of race relations in America today. There are people that see what happened in America’s past, and never want anybody to ever feel that pain again anywhere. Then there are those that simply want vengeance.

Barack Obama, for all of his flaws, is palatable to many white people because he is not giving the appearance of anger. His wife is threatening to people because she does not seem to possess his kindness towards others.

Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton represent the vengeance wing of black America. They pray on guilty white liberals. They’re existence can be summed up in a two word philosophy: get whitey.

Get whitey is what allowed the entire Duke lacrosse team to be savaged by a guilty white liberal District Attorney. The rape victims had a case that had Swiss cheese holes, and D.A. Mike Nifong decided that the voters of North Carolina would reelect him if he won, irrespective of the evidence. He withheld mitigating evidence. In the long run, justice was done, Nifong was disbarred, and the Duke students were vindicated. Yet the reputations of these young men may never be restored.

Get whitey was the mentality that thrashed innocent men.

The problem is, whitey has had enough. Whitey is tired of being told every day that they are bad people.

I represent myself, but my views are shared by many people in America. I have contempt for black “victimcrats,” as well as guilty white liberals.

As a white conservative republican, I have every right to speak about problems in black communities. Either everybody gets to speak, or nobody does. The idea that since it is not my community, that I have no right to talk about it, is garbage. Unless that is acknowledged, then there is no point in a dialogue. Liberals love meaningless dialogues where only they get to speak, and everybody shakes hands, declares the problems solved, and celebrates for having a dialogue. Whether or not the actual dialogue actually accomplished anything is irrelevant.

Once conservatives are given the right to actually have opinions without being labeled as racists or bigots, then and only then can an actual discussion actually take place.

Here are some honest thoughts, free of any liberal guilt.

Slavery was disgusting. It was one of the most shameful episodes in American history.

Having said that, an apology for slavery is pointless. It is a useless symbol. An apology without anything to rectify a situation is hollow and meaningless. That is precisely the point of those who want the apology. The next step is reparations. This is out of the question.

Reparations for slavery can never happen. For one thing, there is not one person alive today that owned slaves. To blame descendants who were not born at the time is absolutely immoral. Also, how would reparations get distributed? Who decides who gets what? Also, who decides who gets their possessions taken from them?

My father is a Holocaust survivor? Should I have the right to walk into some German family’s home in Cleveland, Ohio, and demand that they give me their possessions?

What about the Indians, or as politically correct people call them, the Native Americans? Should every American, black and white, be forced to give up their possessions to the Indians? When does the madness stop?

Yes, slavery was awful. I would even call it evil. Yet world history is replete with bad acts. Unless the actual perpetrators can be brought to justice, nothing can be done. I would love for the possessions stolen from my late grandparents to be returned. Those possessions were most likely burned before my great grandparents were murdered. If one of those actual terrorists is captured, yes, there should be retribution. Simon Wiesenthal has brought many of them to justice. Nevertheless, rounding up German rock band “The Scorpions,” will not help anything. They are not murderers. They are musicians.

So what needs to be done? How can we help race relations in America?

The answer is so simple, and yet some people cannot grasp it.

The answer is for people who are racists to simply stop it. For those who see racism, they need to condemn it. For everybody else, good people must be given the benefit of the doubt. Also, it is imperative that people who pray on past racism to justify more racism must be equally condemned.

I will condemn David Duke. I will also condemn Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. Past blots on America such as slavery do not give these two criminals any right to engage in counter criminal behavior.

The next thing that needs to be done is to judge people equally before the law, and punish people specifically according to the law. If white students hang a noose on a college campus, burn a cross on a lawn, or scrawl racial epithets on other people’s cars, then yes, punishment should be severe. However, a new trend developing on college campuses is for minorities to engage in these acts against other minorities or even against themselves, in the hopes that whites will get blamed. These students should also be given severe punishments.

The response of some colleges is to ignore the latter scenarios. The rationale is that even though it is wrong to fake racial crimes, it highlights the problems of race, which promotes dialogue.

Again, the idiocy of dialogue rears its head. There is nothing to be gained by speaking about atrocities that were less pronounced before the fake activities occurred. Otherwise women would be encouraged to file fake rape claims to highlight the problem of rape. This thinking is insane. Rape already exists, and it is known as a problem. Fake rape claims do not help rape victims. They hurt them, in the same way that the little boy who cried wolf eventually ends up hurting everyone.

Honest conversations about race mean that everybody is accountable.

Tawana Brawley lied about being raped because she was scared of her stepfather, and had stayed out late. She blamed white men for raping her. No such rape occurred. Al Sharpton blamed white police officer Steven Pagones. Pagones sued Sharpton and won. Sharpton never paid. Both Brawley and Sharpton belong in jail.

On the flip side, Charles Stuart murdered his pregnant wife and blamed a random black man. It was an insurance scam. The scam unraveled, and Charles Stuart committed suicide by jumping off of a bridge. While one can say that justice was done, the case was poisonous for race relations in America.

As awful as the Stuart case was, and as much as it hurts that a black man was falsely accused, perspective is necessary. The killer was brought to justice. The system worked.

America is not the same place it was 40 years ago, or even 10 years ago. DNA evidence has made our justice system stronger.

I will be the first person to say that money cannot give a man falsely imprisoned his time back. Reuben Hurricane Carter is now a celebrity thanks to Denzel Washington, but that will not give him back his lost years. Also, in that situation, yes, he should sue, and he should win.

Whether the Duke lacrosse team or Reuben Carter, these witch hunts have to stop.

Having said that, this does not mean the justice system is racist. This does not mean the death penalty is racist. Black men commit a disproportionate share of crimes in America. That is why they are a disproportionate share of criminals in jail.

The Presidential election of 2008 is also critical. If Barack Obama wins, racism will not have ended. If John McCain wins, that does not mean racism is worse than ever. In the National Football League, the idea of a black quarterback was once unfamiliar. Doug Williams in 1987 changed things. Now black quarterbacks are just another part of the game. Kids do not even notice.

Things will be good in politics when a black man runs for President, and everybody yawns. The story will be boring. We are not there yet, but whether Barack Obama wins or loses in November, his candidacy should be celebrated as progress. However, it is insulting to say people will vote against him based on race. I for one simply disagree with his views. To make the 2008 election a referendum on race would just make things worse. The second an analyst or pundit tries to imply that voting for John McCain is based on racism, that noxious notion must be slapped down hard. Ending racism is not about forcing people to vote for a black man to assuage past guilt, because again, nobody alive today is responsible for the past pain. Ending racism is about looking at McCain and Obama, and considering their color irrelevant.

Perhaps in 2012 both parties will have a black American heading the ticket. Then we shall see if the conservative is considered to be an “Uncle Tom,” or “not authentically black.” If that is not racism, I am unaware as to what racism is.

Conspiracy theories also need to be debunked. America in general, and Ronald Reagan in particular, did not create AIDS or crack in a deliberate attempt to destroy black people. Theories like this are corrosive towards society. AIDS and crack have decimated people, and people of all stripes, including white republicans, want both of these horrors to be defeated.

What it comes down to is getting to kids before it is too late. Children do not know how to hate. They have to be taught. Instead, telling them how to love is vital.

My father is a republican. He is also a retired school teacher, as is my mother. My father taught inner city kids for 30 years. There are young black men in America today who are decent members of society, and some of them will credit my father for this. Some of them had no food on their table. My dad bought more than one kid a hamburger.

What my father did not do is give kids a free ride. Even if they were beaten at home, there were no crybabies in his class. He cared for them like they were his own children. Even the toughest kids loved when he would do his George Jefferson impersonation, strutting back and forth in the lunchroom with his hands behind him yelling out for Weezie.

Yes, my father was compassionate. He is also a conservative. He never used the label, but he should never have had to anyway.

Children are apolitical. They are race neutral. When parents hear their children use an epithet, the parents must step in and stop such language.

No child should ever feel the way T.D. Jakes’s kid felt. No child should ever hate his own skin.

The good news is that the haters are fewer in number than ever before. Too many people despise racism for the haters to win.

The road is long, and never easy. Yet my father managed to raise a son who became a productive member of society, while educating and inspiring thousands of children.

Bishop Jakes also raised a pair of sons, and preaches to a congregation of over 30,000 people.

One is black and one is white. This is irrelevant. What matters is that people were inspired.

Now it is up to Bishop Jakes’s sons and me to lead the next generation of good people. We have to do it. Society needs our generation to continue the progress.

We are not there yet, but we are absolutely moving in the right direction. It will not require dialogue. It will require action. Those who act will not be given ticker tape parades. Many of their names will remain unknown.

Yet the world will thank them by simply being a better place.


Another liberal Jew in need of cranial-glutial extraction surgery

Wednesday, July 30th, 2008

Another liberal Jew has confirmed that cranial-glutial extraction surgery is necessary to pry the head of Judaism from the rumpus of liberalism.

This man is Rabbi Daniel Gordis.

For the sake of full and honest disclosure, I have always found him useless. In 1990 I was a college freshman. I was physically attacked by another student in a classroom. I defended myself in front of a room full of witnesses. Rather than investigate what actually happened, he declared the incident a “fight,” and both parties were admonished. This frustrated the victim, myself, and emboldened the aggressor.

(If I met this guy from class on the street today, we might get in a fight. We are both pretty strong willed. He would never admit it, but I broke him in half psychologically by letting him know I would go to any lengths to win. Everybody he knew was potential collateral damage. He saw I would never back down as long as I lived. He decided it was not worth it. He looked in my eyes, and decided I was serious. To this day, the Guns n Roses song “Welcome to the Jungle” applies. “If you’ve a hunger for what you see…take it eventually. You can have anything you want, but you better not take it from me.”)

I had not thought about Rabbi Gordis until 2006, when my mother sent me an article he had written, unaware of who he was. I wrote him a letter expressing concern that he was the same man 16 years later.

It did not reach him. The other day, my mother sent me another article by this Rabbi. It was even worse. At that point I sent him my response, updating some of the sentences to make them current. Saddam was not in jail. He was now dead (no thanks to liberal Jews).

My issue is not that this guy is a pompous liberal gasbag. My issue is not that he handled me badly 18 years ago. I got over it. What bothers me is that the same attitude of moral equivalence that drove him to criticize a guy for defending himself is still inside of him. Palestinians are murdering Israelis. Arabs are murdering Jews. Liberal Jews, even the ones admitting that Kumbaya does not always work, cannot bring themselves to accept the fact that with regards to resolving conflicts, force works.

(Grabbing a bullhorn)


This should be piped into the eardums of every namby pamby until they become either less namby or less pamby. One out of two is an improvement.

Here is his article. He expresses the positive aspects of the the recent Israeli prisoner swap, where two dead bodies were exchanged for live Arab terrorists. He cannot understand why the Mideast surrender process might not be as good an alternative as to actually winning the war.

For those who want a synopsis, here is the worst of his most recent Kumbaya loving column.

“Yes, in strategic terms, it was probably a mistake. But sometimes mistakes are worth making.”

His logic is that we learn from mistakes. If we can avoid making mistakes, that is learning as well. I don’t want my learning experiences to come from dead Jews.

Also, he claims that this will help shake people from the notion that peace is possible in the current climate. I understood this when I was an 18 year old student and he was my 30-something professor with his head up his hide.

Again, this is not about a fight in a classroom. It is about how a liberal views justice in an adult world. It is about applying moral equivalence to unequal moral parties. He was a young professor then. Now he is a middle aged man, and he still doesn’t get it.

How many liberals have to see their own families murdered before they become conservatives? I wish no pain on his family, but I care more about my family. My approach protects his family. His approach gets mine killed.

“Now we know that the right was correct – further retreats will only embolden our enemies. They’ll demand more. And more. Until we’re gone.”

I knew this in 1990! Yet despite his admitting that his liberal beliefs have been a colossal failure, he remains a liberal. I mean I can understand being a liberal when you don’t know any better. He has seen the evidence, and still cannot bring himself to endorse force as an option.

“The challenge facing Israel isn’t to win the war against the Palestinians.”

Yes it is!

“The war can’t be won.”

It’s like Harry Reid is Jewish. Of course it can’t be won if we listen to people say it can’t be won, and elect people who refuse to win.

“We can’t eradicate them…”

Says who? I wish they felt the same way about us. If we got them to that point, they would stop.

“The challenge that Israel faces is not to move towards peace. Peace can’t be had.”

It can’t be had because liberal Jews don’t get it. Things were pretty peaceful when Ariel Sharon was the bulldozer in 1982. Had the Prime Minister at the time let him go to Damascus, we would not be in this mess today.

“We did the right thing. We gave Karnit Goldwasser her life back. We gave Udi and Eldad the burial they deserved.”

(I met the brother of one of the kidnapped soldiers. I wore around my neck the dogtags of those three men for the last two years, vowing to take them off when they returned safely. I took them off this past week, but out of disgust.)

Had Ehud Olmert been a private citizen, Ariel Sharon would have burned every Palestinian village.

(For those who mention him in the same sentence as the Gaza pullout, make no mistake about it. He was a lifelong warrior, which allowed him to be trusted to make peace)

We did not do the right thing. While Rabbi Gordis is weeping, Hamas and Hezbollah are planning their next round of kidnappings.

“We showed the next generation of kids who will go off to defend this place that this is not a country about calculus, but about soul. We showed them what it is to love. We showed them that we’ll get them back. No matter what.”

Peace at any price. We showed them how to surrender.

“And I was proud, not ashamed. I wasn’t ashamed to be Israeli. I wasn’t ashamed to be a Jew. We proved to our kids once again that we’re the kind of country that’s worth defending.”

Defending? What the hell does this liberal academic know about defending? Perhaps he defended a thesis once. I suspect the antithesis was correct.

We did not defend anything in 2006. Israel has lost its power of deterrence. This is what happens when a liberal is sent to do a man’s job. Shimon Peres is about 140 years old, and he finally figured out at age 120 that the Arabs simply don’t like us. I will never forget, when after his 5th loss for the Prime Minister position (5th! Imagine Dukakis or Kerry getting 5 chances.), he asked, “Am I a loser?” Somebody in the crowd replied, “Yes!”

“We lost. We knew that already. What we did this week is that we did right by the families who paid the price.”

No. A few individuals were “helped” at the expense of the entire nation. These poor departed Israeli soldiers died in vain. They died for nothing. They died for a nation run by leftists that would not fight for them. Olmert did everything but blow up an abandoned building in the Sudan like Bill Clinton did.

“There will be other ways to get our deterrent edge back.”

You keep smoking that peace pipe Rabbi. Perhaps it’s a crack pipe, since that would be the only explanation for a man not to grasp that deterrence is about force.

“But in the meantime, we showed ourselves once again that this country is about soul. They won, and we lost. They celebrated, and we buried. They cheered, and we wept. And I’d rather be one of us, any day.”

There is no “us.” There is a him and a me. If an Arab were to come after me, Rabbi Gordis would sit there impotent, and let me die. That is what the left in Israel did for the kidnapped soldiers. If somebody came after him, his family would want him to actually do something.

Enough candle light vigils. Vigils do not bring people home. Raid on Antebbe worked. Benjamin Netanyahu, naturally a conservative, helped actually do something. The job got done, and it got done right.

Maybe the next time Rabbi Gordis has his prostate exam, they can remove his cerebrum and reattach it above his neck. It is amazing he was able to bring children into the world at all given that I do not recall him ever having a pair.

It is too late for me to get a decent college education with regards to Jewish civilization.

It is not too late for Israel to take the Palestinians, and break them.

Give the Palestinians 7 days to return every terrorist on the watch list. On the 8th day, set Gaza on fire. Let them burn. They have had every chance to show that they are civilized human beings and not animals. They have failed.

This is not aggression. It is self defense.

When conservatives ran Israel, this was understood.

Fire involves smoke. Israelis like to smoke. Since liberal Jews have their heads up their hides, we should shove the peace pipes up there as well. That way they can smoke, while fire rages around them.

Either Jews or Palestinians will burn. The Palestinians have not allowed for an inbetween.

It is us or them.

Rabbi Gordis is a liberal. He prefers being morally superior.

I am a conservative. I am also the son of a Holocaust survivor. I prefer being alive.

There are no tears in my eyes, nor blood on my hands.

I may not be a hero, but he is worse than zero. He is Nero.

We know what happened to Rome. We know what happened in Germany. We know what is happening in Israel.

Never again.


Evan Sayet–Right to Laugh

Tuesday, July 29th, 2008

I recently held a conservative republican comedy event at the Laugh Factory. I allowed Evan Sayet to be my closing act. I was on stage for 10 minutes, but allowed him 45 minutes.

Ok, so maybe that was not exactly how it happened.

Nevertheless, Evan somehow manages to keep coming up with new material. About 90% of his show was new material. The one or two jokes he keeps including are so funny that they should be repeated anyway.

The show went over so well that Evan has just been offered a monthly gig at the Laugh Factory. For the time being, every third Tuesday at the Laugh Factory will be dedicated to conservative comedy, under the “Right to Laugh” banner. The next show is Tuesday, August 19th, at 8pm.

I personally am glad that club owner Jamie Masada did this, since his personal politics lean far left. Whether he is doing it because making money trumps idealism, or because he genuinely believes in ideological diversity, is irrelevant. All views deserve a voice, and he is providing one for conservative comedians.

We all have a Right to Laugh. With that, below is Evan Sayet’s latest brilliance.

“My son is here. He is a man now, just turned 18. He is a Jewish redneck. The problem with a Jewish redneck is trying to find him a 10 gallon Yamulkah.”

“My ex-wife is also here. The marriage failing was totally my fault. She is a wonderful mother and was a great wife. I was a complete (redacted). What can I say, I was a liberal then.”

“It amazes me that comedians cannot find anything to make fun of regarding Barack Obama. There is tons to make fun of, they just don’t want to do it.”

“First of all, we can save money in the White House by not painting an Obama portrait. W can just use the negatives from the portrait of Prince Charles.”

“An Obama Presidential seal can just be rented and given back to Chuck E. Cheese when not in use.”

“Obama spends 3 hours in the gym. The only time a politician needs 3 hours ina gym is when Barney Frank is looking for his prom date.”

“I’m not saying Obama is effeminate, but his lapel pin is red, white, and fuschia.”

“If Howard Dean is a metrosexual, then Obama lives in the suburbs.”

“No man bowls a 37. That time spent more time rolling in the gutter than Ted Kennedy.”

“Obama bowled a 37 because he did not want to knock over the pins. He wanted to negotiate with them.”

“This race is the August Senator versus the guy who has been a Senator since August.”

“Obama can’t be tough on crime. His advisers are either in or on their way to Sing Sing.”

“People say Obama has no convictions. That’s why he associates with Tony Rezko and William Ayers.”

“I’m not saying Obama’s advisers are connected in Chicago, but he does have Joe Pesci on his short list for Vice President. The first meal at the inaugural dinner will be broken leg of lamb.”

“Obama is so young and naive, that Bill CLinton is hitting on him.”

“Obama is so young and naive that he thinks Hamas is good with Pita bread.”

“Obama is so young that if they swear him in, they will need a laminated bible.”

“Obama is so young that he thinks Fannie Mae is his great Aunt in Kentucky. You know her. She is the relative he has not thrown under the bus. This guy gets rid of more relatives than Michael Corleone.”

“Obama is so young that he thinks Freddie Mac comes with soda and fries.”

“There is tons of stuff to make fun of regarding Obama. The comedians want him to win, so they just won’t do it.”

“The Taliban believe that women must be covered from head to toe. Either the Taliban are evil, or those must be some ugly women.”

“No wonder the Taliban women are virgins at age 75.”

“People are so self righteous. They blame companies instead of taking personal responsibility. Whether it is tobacco, alcohol, or food, they never look inwards. They will look at me and ask, ‘Do you know what is in McDonalds?’ I reply, ‘2 all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce cheese…’ They tell me up front what’s in there.”

“We live in a world where a soliloquy by Shakespeare makes you a bigot, but a monologue by a vagina makes you enlightened.”

“The liberals can’t even get their own accusations straight. They say that we went to war to steal the oil. Then asked why we don’t have the oil, they reply that it costs too much.”

“Of course we use 40% of the world’s energy. We have plugs. We also have things to plug into the plugs.”

“If your tongue is not cut out by a dictator, that gives youa better chance of being a successful businessman.”

“If we really wanted to steal oil, we could just take it from Mexico. After all, there’s nobody left there.”

“Some people will ask ‘What’s wrong with Mexico?’ Why ask me? I’m not the one who left.”

“America does not have things because we stole it from others. The Sudanese don’t have cable, but we didn’t steal cable from the Sudanese. When you are busy hacking one million people to death, there is a chance that one of them might have been the cable guy.”

“We don’t even try to take over Canada. It wouldn’t be that hard. We have the world’s finest military. They have Celine Dion.”

“The God I believe in is a loving God. With old couples, when her breasts start to sag, his back starts to hunch over.”

“Democrats say that 2 = 2 = 8. Ordinary people cannot understand this, but they are geniuses.”

“Democrats idea of a middle gorund is deciding not to refer to President Bush or republicans as Hitler. Instead they say we are all a bunch of Himmlers.”

“We should compromise regarding drivers licenses for illegal aliens. We can split the difference. They can be legal when they are driving South, and illegal when they are driving North.”

“There is room for compromise on gun control. People should not be allowed to own a gun if they have a psychiatric record, a criminal record, or a Streisand record.”

“What can you say about Barbra Streisand? Her mother couldn’t even spell Barbara.”

“Here is how liberals can understand the severity of 9/11. When the nose cone of the plane entered the building, it created a hostile work environment.”

As always, I would like to thank Evan Sayet for being as entertaining as can be.

I am also grateful to him for allowing me to go on early enough before the audience had to go to sleep. After all, republican audiences have to get up early because they have jobs.


No man is safe

Monday, July 28th, 2008

Jilted Bride Awarded $150K After Wedding Called Off

POSTED: 12:53 pm EDT July 23, 2008
UPDATED: 6:44 pm EDT July 23, 2008
The jury has awarded a Hall County woman $150,000 after she sued her former fiance for calling their wedding off. RoseMary Shell sued her ex-fiance, Wayne Gibbs, after he broke off their engagement in 2007. Shell argued her fiance’s promise of marital bliss amounted to a binding contract. She said she left a high-paying job in Florida to be with Gibbs and she said she has suffered financial losses since their break-up. She also said she has suffered emotionally.
Gibbs testified that he had taken Shell on trips and paid $30,000 of her debt while they were engaged. He said when he found out she had even more debt, he canceled the wedding by leaving Shell a note in their bathroom.Closing arguments were heard Wednesday morning and the jury awarded Shell $150,000 by Wednesday afternoon. “People shouldn’t be allowed to do that and hopefully he’ll think twice before he does it to someone else,” said Shell.
Copyright 2008 by
No man is safe anywhere in this world.
I do not know if the judge in this case was a woman. What I do know is that this woman should have her face plastered on every dating site in America, along with this article.
She should be blacklisted, blackballed, or whatever the new term happens to be.
Casinos have lists of cheating gamblers. Stock brokerage firms have the names of crooked clients.
Men need to know who this woman is so that she never gets another date ever again.
A promise of happily ever after is not a binding contract. It is a goal.
I had an ex who once got upset because I promised to always “be good and take care of her.”
How many men, upon breaking up with a woman, find out that they are telling their girlfriends that the man was not good in bed. Should the man sue the woman for lying either during the relationship or after the breakup?
I know some people will want to hear the woman’s side of the story. She has no side.
Somebody sterilize this woman immediately. Otherwise she will bring a daughter into this world, most likely through in vitro fertilization, that will be as screwed up as she is.
She said that the breakup caused her emotional pain. That is what breakups do. It is called disappointment.
Luckily for this woman there are judges whose parents were not sterilized in time either.
Unless this case is reversed on appeal, it will do for romance what the KKK did for race relations.
We now live in a world where a woman can sleep with a man, have regrets the next day, and file charges.
If a man uses alcohol or drugs to influence a woman, that is…and should be…a crime. If a man uses sweet talk, and is what used to be referred to as a “cad,” that is not a crime. Unethical behavior is not necessarily illegal. It is not a crime to be a “meanie,” a “not-nice-nik,” or a “baddie.”
What happened to women who would just eat chocolate ice cream, gab with their girlfriends, and be done with it?
The NOW, Gloria Allred, and every other female activist needs to condemn this ruling. Perhaps they could care about relevant issues, such as honor killings and other third world savagery towards women.
No, instead some white collar woman eases a broken heart by seeking revenge.
So what if she coarsens society? So what if it causes some men to delay married life until 10 prenups are signed in triplicate? She feels better, consequences to others be d@mned.
I want to make it clear that I am not blaming an entire gender for this crackpot.
However, the feminist movement has helped shape this train wreck. So has the American culture of lawsuits. Also, liberal judges that are more concerned with feelings than actual law are ripping at the fabric of this nation.
There is nothing for men to do in this situation except to hide money, keep off shore bank accounts, and run at the first sign of lunacy.
I am lucky and blessed to be dating a woman that is not a basket case.
Some of my exes were basket cases. I did what any man would do in that situation. I ran. I also let them know why. I told them flat out that I don’t date basket cases. That may seem ice cold, but it is not my job to solve the problems of others.
If I am married, and my wife develops an illness, that is different. Yet when a woman starts crying because of the Ozone Layer, or the Wetlands, a man has to have the spine to let them know that he just does not care.
Nothing is guaranteed. People who promise to love each other should keep that promise. However, things happen.
This is life.
Men should be more gentlemanly. Women should stop being basket cases.
Terrorists should stop blowing things up. Lots of things should happen.
Judges should follow the law.
I have no answers at this point. I have only questions.
I am sure of only one thing.
No man is safe.

My Interview with the Pakistani Spectator

Sunday, July 27th, 2008

First, a quick sports update. My touch football team suffered another crushing loss. Although I had 4 receptions, on defense a heartbreaking play on a bomb was crushing. Although I clearly got a hand on the ball, it was not enough to alter the trajectory, allowing the receiver to catch the deflection for a touchdown. We lost 49-0.

I shall unleash my fury today on the kickball field. The pain suffered on the gridiron shall be avenged.

On a less depressing note, I had the pleasure of being interviewed by the Pakistani Spectator. A fellow by the name of Ghazala Khan contacted me . He is interested in hearing the stories of bloggers around the world.

I happily agreed to be interviewed since I believe in the power of the internet to bring people closer together. When people develop a better understanding of each other, society benefits.

I now consider the Pakistani Spectator a friend of the Tygrrrr Express.

Below is the interview.

Interview with Blogger Tygrrrr Express

By The Pakistani Spectator • Jul 17th, 2008 • Category: Interviews • (3,398 views) • No Responses

Would you please tell us something about you and your site?

My site is the Tygrrrr Express.

During the week I blog about politics. Mainly I stick to American politics, occasionally delving into the Arab-Israeli conflict. I write from a Jewish perspective. I am politically conservative. On the weekends, I either write about American football, or other lighthearted human interest stories.

Do you feel that you continue to grow in your writing the longer you write? Why is that important to you?

I believe growth is important in anything, be it financially, spiritually, intellectually, or in any other way. One either grows or dies. There is no inbetween. I have grown rapidly since I began 16 months ago, but I am always learning.

I’m wondering what some of your memorable experiences are with blogging?

I have had the chance to meet many people I admire, and conduct quality interviews with them. I have also met many nice people over the blogosphere, and look to meeting more.

What do you do in order to keep up your communication with other bloggers?

It is difficult to keep in touch, as it is with people in real life. People spend so much time on their own blog that they often do not have time for others. I try to send emails to other bloggers just to say hello.

What do you think is the most exciting or most innovative use of technology in politics right now?

I think You-tube is fun, but photo shop is the one that is really interesting. It allowed people to see that Iran only launched three missiles instead of four. Playing with photography allows for creativity. People respond to various stimuli, and anything creative will set them apart. I know that is a boring answer, but when all is said and done, individuality is the key.

What do you think sets Your site apart from others?

I believe my strange sense of humor allows me to tackle serious issues with a more lighthearted perspective. Some things, such as tragic deaths, will never be funny. However, most things are less serious than people make them out to be. I bring a fun side to the issues of the day.

If you could choose one characteristic you have that brought you success in life, what would it be?

I am a pretty ordinary man. I would say I have been blessed with the best friends a guy could ask for. All of my friendships are long term, spanning a couple decades, and more. I am only 36, and have had several friends for over half of my life.

What was the happiest and gloomiest moment of your life?

People can read my blog for that answer.

If you could pick a travel destination, anywhere in the world, with no worries about how it’s paid for – what would your top 3 choices be?

I have never been to Australia, Europe, or Israel. I am visiting Israel in 3 weeks, and am very excited.

What is your favorite book and why?

I like the Iliad. It is a book about war between mythological creatures.

What’s the first thing you notice about a person (whether you know them or not)?

How they treat people.

Is there anyone from your past that once told you you couldn’t write?

Not that I recall. If they did, I ignored them thankfully. :)

How bloggers can benefit from blogs financially?

The key is to write well. Everything else will fall into place.

Is it true that who has a successful blog has an awful lot of time on their hands?

Not at all. It takes me about 30 minutes to write a column. It comes naturally to me.

What role can bloggers of the world play to make this world more friendlier and less hostile?

Nations can fight, but individuals do not have to blindly follow their nation. I can be friends with any good person. I know little about Pakistan, but would be honored to make friends with Pakistani bloggers.

Who are your top five favourite bloggers?

In no particular order, I like Mary Katharine Ham, Hugh Hewitt, Michelle Malkin, and other American political bloggers.

Is there one observation or column or post that has gotten the most powerful reaction from people?

I have had several columns that have gotten attention. Rather than pick one, I just hope people take the time to read them for themselves. It is like trying to choose which child is the favorite. I cannot do so.

What is your perception about Pakistan and its people?

The few experiences I have had with people from Pakistan have been very positive. I find Pakistanis to be very intelligent and hardworking people. I find them to be good people, and the ones I have met have been very friendly.

Have you ever become stunned by the uniqueness of any blogger?

I think many bloggers are unique in their own way. Each human being is a creature of God, and there are so many “diamonds in the rough.”

What is the most striking difference between a developed country and a developing country?

I would say that a combination of democracy, freedom, resources, and technology can all play a role. China is very advanced in many ways, but still needs to become more democratic. They have phenomenal human capital. South Africa had many fabulous resources such as diamonds, but Apartheid slowed their rise as a developed nation. What I love about America is that we are free. We are not perfect, but freedom is a good start.

What is the future of blogging?

It will only grow bigger. There are no limits to how high the sky is for the blogosphere.

You have also got a blogging life, how has it directly affected both your personal and professional life?

I do not discuss my job on my blog. I mention what industry I am in, but not my company name. I do not mention the names of my family, friends, or loved ones. Their private lives stay private. Other bloggers choose to reveal everything. I prefer to let the readers judge my writing, not my personal life.

What are your future plans?

To be a husband and father, succeed in my professional life, and grow my blog. Most importantly, I wish to be a respected member of my community.

Any Message you want to give to the readers of The Pakistani Spectator?

I would like to thank the Pakistani Spectator for asking such valuable questions. I suspect I have made a new friend today. May God bless all good people of the world, wherever they live.


Barack Hannah Montana Obama

Saturday, July 26th, 2008

The above article by Gerald Baker of the London Times is simply one of the best pieces of satire I have ever read. It lacerates the myth of the Obamessiah.

For those looking for some politically liberal gifts for loved ones, Eau D’Obama Anus Perfume can now be purchased on Ebay. Rumor has it that Chris Matthews has bought several bottles, which might explain the tingling sensation on his leg.

In fact, I suspect that Barack Obama bought a few bottles for his own bathroom, given that he absolutely loves the smell of his own rumpus. He is a built in air freshener because his (redacted) simply don’t stink.

Yes, we can all celebrate that society has come so far that a black man can succeed in politics by being as much of a vapid gasbag as a white man. Having said that, I believe we have been too tough on Barack Obama. He is a sweet young kid, and should be given a lollipop and a pat on the head.

It is in that spirit of loving our little cherubs that his new nickname is now officially being rolled out.

Barack Obama is now forever BHMO: Barack Hannah Montana Obama.

Think about it. Both Barack Obama and Mylie Cyrus are loved by young preteens around the world. Both of them fill up amphitheatres and fill them with sweet sugary pop. Actually, with Obama, it is more pap than pop, but either way there is pep. He is a sweet young pup for a little pip.

Both Obama and Mylie have been filmed in provocative clothing that may not have been appropriate for such young angels. Mylie did a photo spread that proved embarrassing, and Obama was caught with his shirt off after swimming.

Both Obama and Mylie are lighthearted fun, far away from the real problems that exist in this world. They are an escape hatch from what truly matters.

The stock market? Iraq? The Global War on Terror? Come on. Stop bothering these kids. They have plenty of time to worry about that when they grow up.

Mylie Cyrus is warmhearted. She is simply a nice kid. She seems to truly believe in goodness, and her songs are friendly.

Barack Obama sings songs about hope and change. We can hope to have change, and change to hope. It is a beautiful circle, and may it never be unbroken, by and by lord by and by.

Yes, all we have to do is look to the heavens and everything will be great.

I can even picture Obama and Mylie singing, “Sunshine, lollipops, rainbows, and everything that’s wonderful.”

Don’t tell Obama or Mylie’s Achy Breaky Heart that things are not sweet. I just don’t think they would understand. Billy Ray Cyrus has had pain, but he has done a great job of shielding Mylie from the darker aspects of life. As for Barack, he has just has a gift of ignorant bliss. May this adorable cherub never lose his naivete.

I just hope that the real world does not swallow them up. I pray that Mylie Cyrus never turn into Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, or Lindsay Lohan. I pray that Obambi never becomes as cynical as most politicians by relying on obscure concepts such as reality and facts.

Both of them speak in words that show a refreshing innocence, unspoiled by actual life experience.

Both of them get to frolic around the world, playing to adoring audiences. Both of them have unlimited bank accounts, and most likely spend it on frivolities.

The cheerleaders in junior high schools across America are preparing their routines.

Heck, no! We won’t go!

We love BHMO!

Cuter than the Dali Llama!

Barack Hannah Montana Obama!

Good little girls! Hug your momma!

It’s Barack Hannah Montana Obama!

No more crying, no more trauma!

Here’s Barack Hannah Montana Obama!

Hot Hot Hotter than a Sauna!

Barack Hannah Montana Obama!

Past our bedtime? We don’t wanna!

We want Barack Hannah Montana Obama

No more school! No more drama!

Smiles from Barack Hannah Montana Obama!

Period, semicolon, question, comma!

Exclamation Barack Hannah Montana Obama!

Raise ’em high! Raise ’em low!

We love BHMO!

The bottom line is that children need love. They need a steady hand of an adult parent to guide them.

Mylie Cyrus has her father Billy Ray, and her mother. She will be fine.

America will be ok as well. We have an adult in John McCain to deal with the many serious adult challenges that our nation faces. He will defeat the bad guys so that kids of all ages will sleep safely and snugly in their beds at night, whether they be girls such as Mylie Cyrus or boys such as Barack Obama.

Goodnight sweet Barack Hannah Montana Obama. Don’t worry my little one. Daddy John McCain will take care of everything. You just smile, rest up, and get some sleep.


Batman, George W. Bush, and a blogger debate

Friday, July 25th, 2008

I did not expect the Tygrrrr Express to become all Batman, all the time, but a liberal blogger discussed the connection between Batman and George W. Bush, just as I did. The difference is that their assessment was negative, while mine was positive.

I could have been significantly more tactful with this blogger, and I have to confess that if he and I competed in a graciousness contest, he would have won.

Our debate was spirited and respectful, and I give him full credit for that. Below is my debate about the Bat and the Dub. Directly below is the column that sparked the debate. While I disagree with his conclusions, he writes well.

To sum up, he manages to praise Batman (with some reservations) while condemning President Bush. I found this hypocritical, and let him know.

“You are obviously a liberal.

As soon as I walked out of the theatre, I immediately made the Bush/Batman connection, but for positive reasons.

You are able to accept Batman’s surveillance because you believe he is good. You are against Dubya doing it because you believe he is bad. Therefore, your bias allows you to see them differently even though what they are doing is exactly the same.

You could come to realize that perhaps the Dub is doing the right thing, but then your head might explode.”

I also included the link to my Batman article.

His response was reasonable, and I have to confess that he basically used my tactic of disarming people with great effectiveness.

“Hello blacktygrrrrrrrrr, welcome/nice to meet you. I don’t know if you will see this or not, but here is my official Clarification:

so first of all, the personal attacks were somewhat unnecessary. I realize I insulted someone you support politically, but given that I didn’t attack you, your comments about my head exploding, etc were inappropriate. I’m not deleting your comments (free speech, yada yada), but don’t do it again.

Second, the fact that you are clearly conservative did not lead me to dismiss your point of view, the way my political beliefs led you to dismiss mine. I went and read (most of) your post (sorry, it’s long!) and thought about your arguments. To avoid spending too much time on Batman, I just want to raise one objection to your argument. I agree with your statements that leaders such as bin Laden and Saddam Hussein are too pragmatic to be the real-world equivalents of the Joker. You then offer Zarqawi as a possible contender, and support the decision to kill him:

‘Talk of diplomacy can work with those that want to live. Yet with bloodthirsty madmen like Zarqawi, there is no room for dialogue. We killed him in a targeted air strike, and the world is forever better off for his death.’

Now, I presume we saw the same movie, but in the version I saw, Batman doesn’t kill the Joker. Batman shoots a good ole Bat-grappling hook after him and pulls him back to safety. Even though he is crazy. Even though he is bloodthirsty. Even though he might escape from jail, Batman leaves him for the police to find. He would never kill him, he can’t even LET him die, and he certainly wouldn’t do so in a long range missile strike that kills other people as well (even if they are only “insurgent leaders”).

This is what I mean by Batman doing Good. It’s capitalized because it is an absolute. I’m not talking about the kind of moral relativism that justifies any actions as long as they will probably save lives in the future. This is the very slope our nation is slipping down at the moment. Good is the kind of absolute morality where some things are always wrong, regardless of what they could bring us. I realize this kind of morality may only EXIST in fiction, but that does not mean that it can’t be striven for in reality (look at the whole non-violence movement).

My argument is that Batman can be trusted because he is searching for Good. But Bush is looking for the quickest solution that will make a few people that he cares about feel safe. This kind of good (lowercase) ebbs with the stock market, the weather, other people’s actions, and all other external factors; by giving Bush powers today, we have no idea what will be most convenient for him to do with them in a week/month/whenever. I know that the typical response to claims such as mine is that searching for Good is unrealistic. Impossible. That’s not how the world works. But look at where relativism has gotten us. Soaring oil and food prices. Falling currency value. Failing housing and job markets. And the lowest approval ratings for Congress and the President ever and in decades, respectively. Clearly, this way is not working so well, either.

[btw, I also think you fail to realize that the Joker is always insane, whereas most terrorist groups begin by making ‘sane’ geopolitical demands before moving to insane calls for the ‘death of america,’ and also that we bear responsibility for (literally) creating and arming many groups decades ago because it was ‘convenient’ for us, whereas Batman and Gotham only created the Joker in the indirect, literary analysis sense. But I won’t bring those up]

In all fairness, I owe you some kind of head-exploding comment. But it’s not coming. Instead, I’ll just say that the fact that we are arguing about this is a testament to the film’s power, to the troubling nature of Batman as a character, and to Batman’s ability to transcend the pages of a comic book.”

If I am going to criticize people for being every stereotype I see in them, I have to step back and acknowledge when a guy is being completely open-minded. I offered my rebuttal.

“Wheeties…I think you just started a dialogue that could benefit many people. I respect virtually everything you said, and applaud your approach.

The reason why I start by labeling somebody a liberal is because I want liberals to fight to take the word back. I am a proud conservative. Liberals call themselves progressives, and claim that conservatives turned liberal into a dirty word. Until liberals fight to take the word back, they deserve scorn for being gutless.

I respect people who say ‘I am a liberal because…a…b…c…d…’

Therefore, don’t see me calling you that as an attack. That only strengthens my using it. Take it away from me by saying, ‘Yeah, and?’

Anyway, regarding the head exploding comment, there are some people who are so locked into a viewpoint that anything that alters their world view would shatter them emotionally. Puppies and kittens die, blame Dubya. He was illegally elected, so everything he ever does in life is tainted. That view is nuts, because most people are not pure good or evil.

Nevertheless, I have never met you personally, so let me take some steps back. I shall replace my sword with a hearty handshake.

Now onto Batman.

Your analysis is partially correct. While Batman does not kill the Joker, he could let him die in some circumstances. In the previous movie, aboard the train, Batman even says to the villain, “I won’t kill you, but I don’t have to save your life either.”

Batman let’s the bad guy die.

Batman is willing to end life. He just will not murder.

Your assertions about President Bush are simply wrong, particularly this sentence:

‘But Bush is looking for the quickest solution that will make a few people that he cares about feel safe.’

This is wrong on so many levels.

1) The quickest solution would be to turn Iran and Syria into 50,000 hole golf courses. I support this solution personally. That may make me a bad person, but I know who I am. President Bush has not advocating incinerating these excuses for nations.

The man is treated as a dunderhead, but he is quite deliberative. He did not attack Afghanistan the next day after 9/11. We waited a month until a coherent plan was set up.

2) The idea that he only protects those he cares about is unfair. It pits people against each other. When Kanye West announces that Bush does not care about black people, and uses Katrina as evidence, that hurts all of society.

It is wrong to question what is in his heart. Disagree with his policies, but to say he only cares about a select few, as many on the left do, is wrong, unfair, and corrosive to society.

‘But look at where relativism has gotten us. Soaring oil and food prices. Falling currency value. Failing housing and job markets. And the lowest approval ratings for Congress and the President ever and in decades, respectively. Clearly, this way is not working so well, either.’

Soaring oil and food prices are not the fault of America. China and India are demanding more. As for the falling housing market, all speculative bubbles burst. Nobody complains when internet stocks or housing prices are rising, but when they fall it is bad. Conversely, when commodity prices were dead in the 80s and 90s people were happy, but heaven forbid they rise. Markets work both ways, and we cannot condemn them for going against our wishes.

I work in the commodity brokerage industry, and I can tell you that this obsession with turning ethanol into fuel is what hurt us most. Commodities are ‘stuff.’ Stuff is finite. We cannot use it for fuel and food.

I completely agree with you that the movie is powerful, and the debate we are having is important.

However, if you thoroughly vette my blog, you will not see cheap shots. I make fun of liberals, but I will never question their patriotism.

I began blogging to end what I call ‘Ideological Bigotry.’ It is just as painful as racial or ethnic bigotry.

Nobody should be hated merely for existing, whether it be Israel, President Bush, or a black man in the 1960s trying to sit in the front of the bus.

I am going to make this conversation my blog column either tomorrow or the day after. Your comments will be unedited, and completely in context.

That is how much I value what you had to say.

Drop by the Tygrrrr Express any time. Liberals show up and disagree with me every day. Their comments are there for all to see.

I deeply respect your response.

eric aka the Tygrrrr Express”

I would like to thank Wheeties for a spirited debate. He and I disagree, but if more liberals and conservatives had discussions like he and I did, the world would be a better place.

Again, I give him the credit for the tone.

He and I agree on one major thrust. The new Batman movie is more than just entertainment. It is culturally significant. It is important.


My performance at the Laugh Factory

Thursday, July 24th, 2008

I had the pleasure of being the opening act for conservative comedian Evan Sayet. The event took place at the famous Laugh Factory in Hollywood. Evan offered me some guidance, but did not censor me in any way.

While I am very relaxed in front of crowds, I am nervous before going on the stage. I just want to get it over with. Nevertheless, once I am done, and I can sit down, I relax.

The crowd gave me enthusiastic applause throughout my performance. Given a choice between succeeding and sucking, I prefer the former. I am thankful the audience loved my performance. I can now pretend I knew they would love me. I told Evan Sayet that while I would be honored to do another set, I heard a rumor that it would have to be new material. Apparently I cannot say the same stuff each time. I had better get to work.

One very sad note is that the Laugh Factory did not allow us to videotape this performance. This is depressing because none of my performances have been videotaped. On the one hand, I am not on You-Tube, so my parents do not need to keep changing their last name and address any more. The downside is I still have no proof that some people out there find me as lovable as all people should.

I started with a bang, and never let up. Below is my off the cuff routine.

“Guard the rails, because I am about to go off.”

“As the son of a Holocaust survivor, I don’t sing Kumbaya with people who want to kill me.”

“Being the son of a survivor does not make me a victim because my dad wins every argument. When I would tell him as a teenager that social studies class was too hard, he would ask, ‘Did you get shot at this week?’ The answer was no, at which point he would have me visit my room, and open the books.”

“My parents live in South Florida, and informed me that in 2000, world peace actually broke out. We are now at peace. After all, it was heartwarming to see fellow elderly Jewish Holocaust survivors have the courage to let bygones be bygones, put aside the past, and vote for Pat Buchanan.”

“My dad gave me strict instructions. ‘Son, if your mother and I ever get to the point where we can’t figure out a ballot…or we are too feeble to push the thing through…euthanize us, the house is yours.’ I love my parents, but it is a nice house. That’s why I walk around with a clipboard appraising things.”

“I see some Jews in the audience. Without pointing them out (I pretended to point at specific people), I just want to advise everybody that if you are going to speak to an audience that contains Jews, do not try to get to the event by using a Palestinian GPS Tracker. I made a wrong turn, and ended up at a cemetery. I then heard a sinister voice tell me, ‘You have reached your final destination!’ I got so angry that I threw the GPS tracker out the window, which was good, because 5 seconds later, it exploded.”

“The world is upside down. We now have a world where the President of France is more pro-American than half the people living in the United States. We live in a world where the leader of France wants to fight, and people wanting to lead America want to surrender. France is laughing at us because they want to act like us, and we are becoming them.”

“We live in a world where Israel is a mess because Ehud Olmert is a disaster. Things are upside down when Jews are fleeing Israel for a better quality of life for Jews by moving to Germany.”

“People are carping from the sidelines that we need to withdraw from Iraq. All I hear from democrats is withdrawal, withdrawal, withdrawal. I wish they would apply that philosophy to their sex lives, then there would be less democrats.”

“I am also tired of listening to Iranian President Armageddonijad. The solution is not dialogue. The solution is to take Iran and Syria and turn them into 50,000 hole golf courses.”

“I refuse to negotiate with a third world despot that is probably awake at 2am watching the Playboy Channel and dialing 976-B Triple A.”

“Regarding the war, when a war is lost, and there is no hope, we have a moral obligation to pull the troops out and not risk one more death on a senseless lost cause. Therefore, we must remove all police officers and other troops out of Detroit and deploy them to Iraq where they can actually make a difference.”

“I keep hearing about senseless killings and war zones. I have never been to Fallujah, but I have been to New York City public schools.”

“Liberals talk about not being able to secure the Anbar Province. They can’t even secure Philadelphia.”

(Given my romance with the Chicago Cannonball, Chicago is off limits. This was communicated to me in a manner I understand. I would rather jokes be off limits than ever have her yummy bouncies be off limits)

“Liberals have no idea how to win a war on terror. They don’t know Pakistanis from Afghanis. They would just arrest all guys with excessive beards. I could just picture them fighting the War on Terror. ‘We’ve shut down 2 Chabad Houses and arrested the members of ZZ Top. We are winning, everything is under control.'”

“We need to defeat liberalism, but we keep letting principles get in the way. Liberals can win because they ignore principles. We need to ignore principles, starting with abortion. A woman came up to me and said that she was tired of republicans being against her right to an abortion. I told her, ‘Have 1000 abortions. Join the abortion of the month club for all I care. Preach to your friends to have them as well.’ She wondered why I was so tolerant, but folks, again, it goes back to how close the 2000 election was. Every vote counts. It will help us because the liberals will be the ones having most of the abortions. They are killing off their own voters. They are trying to commit legalized eugenics. We need to let them.”

“Then we can move on to gun control. Liberals favor it, and conservatives are against it. We should take the guns away from the liberals and give them to us. That way if there is ever a controversial election like 2000 that can’t be resolved peacefully, we will win, because we will have all the guns.”

“Then we can move on to taxes. Liberals want higher taxes, and conservatives want lower taxes. Liberals also favor wealth redistribution. We should simply take money from them and give it to us. They can’t stop us. After all, as I just said, we will have all the guns.”

“Then they will try and attack us on gay rights. Folks, I have no problem with gay men. Heck, they are doing me a favor by reducing my competition.”

“This tolerance does not extend to lesbians. Jesus hates them.”

“I guess I am just bitter. I don’t know what I am doing wrong. Tammy Bruce still won’t go out with me. I wish we could just take a page from Al Gore’s carbon offsets and trade women. We could donate Roseanne Barr to the gay community in exchange for Tammy Bruce coming back to the straight side so that I can delude myself into thinking I have a shot.”

“I do have some good news. I have appointed myself the leader for black America today. After all, I am much more qualified than Jesse Jackson. I have done nothing, which is an improvement over Jesse. Zero beats a negative.”

“Jesse Jackson used the n-word. He should be banned from this club (The owner of the Laugh Factory, in the wake of the Michael Richards scandal, banned use of the n-word. I totally support this). I never did.”

“Jesse Jackson threatened to cut off a black man’s body parts. The only thing I want to cut from black men is their taxes.”

“Jesse Jackson is only threatening to do to Obama what Hillary wants to do to Bill every night because of Monica. Jesse Jackson is not an angry black man. He is an angry, jealous woman.”

“For those who think I can’t represent the black leadership, I will offer a meaningless platitude in the great tradition of Barack Obama. ‘It is wrong to judge a man’s race by the color of his skin.’ Therefore, anybody who says I can’t represent black America just because of the color of my skin is a racist.”

“Another woman stirring up controversy is Michelle Obama. Some men see women like Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton, and Oprah Winfrey, and are threatened. These women are uppity, and need to tone it down. Other people see these strong, successful women as a sign of how much progress America has made and how far we have come. I see these women, and think, ‘Wow…Baby got back.'”

“Oh, like I am the only guy in this room that has fantasies about Monique from Showtime at the Apollo.”

“As for Barack Obama, I am proud of him. He has proven that a black man in America truly can make it to the top of the heap and contend for the leadership of the free world by being just as full of cr@p as the white man.”

“Yet I want to give Barack Obama credit. I will always be grateful to him for taking down Hillary Clinton. We couldn’t beat the Clintons for 8 years, and he did it. No matter what else happens, I thank him for that.”

“In that spirit, I now present a song I wrote celebrating the destruction of the Hillary Clinton campaign. It was written the night of the Hawaii and Wisconsin primaries. The best part was when the early returns from Hawaii came in, and Hillary had exactly 666 votes. I immediately tivoed it. As for the song, I shall now present my version of ‘Copacabana,’ a celebration of Hillary’s implosion.”

“Thank you. I can’t tell if the red light is on or not, so I am going to keep talking until I get the signal.”

(I then got the signal)

“I just want to say that it is an honor to live in a country with great men like John McCain, Rudy Giuliani, Fred Thompson, and Evan Sayet. I hope they all win their lawsuit against Dr. Bosley.”

“God Bless You, and God Bless America.”

I was greeted warmly by the crowd at the end of the evening, and the praise was overwhelming. Given that virtually everybody I know in real life keeps me humble, getting a swelled head will not be a problem. Then again, adulation is nice.

I thank Evan Sayet for having horrible taste in warm up acts. May he never learn, because I know I never will.


My Conference Call With Congressman Eric Cantor

Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008

I had the pleasure recently of participating on a conference call with Congressman Eric Cantor of Virginia. Congressman Cantor is the only Jewish republican in the House of Representatives. He is John McCain’s Jewish liaison, as well as the Deputy Whip of the House.

The Conference call was for members of the Republican Jewish Coalition Leadership, of which Congressman Cantor is a proud member. Much of the discussion focused on the 2008 Presidential election.

The details of the conference are confidential, so there is much I cannot publicly discuss.

However, I can speak in generalities about some overarching themes that I feel represent what republicans need to do to get their act in gear.

One person on the conference call Was Joyce Cordi. She is a proud Jewish republican, and she is running for Congress in Northern California. Tonight at 8:30pm PST I will be interviewing her on my radio program on BlogTalkRadio.

I look forward to seeing Joyce Cordi join Eric Cantor in Congress.

With that, I will offer some thoughts that I took away from my conference call with Congressman Cantor.

Senator McCain presents the best opportunity in a long time for republicans to increase the Jewish vote.

The post Hillary bounce for Barack Obama is over.

Some battleground states look very positive. Michigan is looking good. However, in New Mexico and Colorado, there is work to do.

The macro environment is poisonous for republicans. People are now more concerned about gas prices than they are about Iraq. The only silver lining is that people have an equally low opinion of the democrats.

Obama’s unifier message is currently well rceived, but people do not know what he stands for. Swing voters have not been convinced yet, and they see that Obama might be a risk. This is his main vulnerability.

McCain’s weakness is the GOP brand itself.

Obama has had more flip flops in the last 2 weeks than John Kerry had during his entire campaign. This includes reversals on Iraq, NAFTA, and other issues.

The idea that McCain will be badly outspent is a myth. Obama has raised more than McCain, but the RNC has and will raise much more than the DNC. Obama will have more money, but McCain will be able to compete. McCain is spending now in battleground states. He is already competing. Obama is spending in places like North Dakta and Nebraska, which he will not win. This is unwise. We will spend wisely.

Obama and McCain both have positives in the high 50s and negatives in the low 30s.

One common theme throughout the entire call was that selling the positives of John McCain is fairly easy. People like him and respect him already. The main key is bringing Barack Obama back down to Earth.

Obama is very thinskinned regarding future debates, and discussion of Tony Rezko clearly bothers him.

Obama is a house of cards, and the GOP needs to make it come crashing down.

When discussing why the GOP has such low ratings when the democrats control Congress, the consensus was that we have to go back on offense, and that the energy issue is the one issue that is really helping us.

With regards to going after Obama with regards to his positions on Iran, his ziggzagging is so fast that people can’t keep up. We need to go full throttle, and we need to set up a missile defense shield in Europe. We also need to point out that Obama voted against the Kyl Lieberman Amendment, which labeled the Iranian Revolutionary Guard a terrorist organization.

It was noted that the Jayson Blair Times has already run two “buyers remorse” pieces on Obama. As for when McCain will “rev it up,” it was again emphasized that McCain is already acceptable. Obama needs to be brought back down to Earth. We need to compare and contrast the candidates on issues such as energy, where Obama has no plan.

One questioner was concerned that there was a perception that the GOP was dead, and why were we not going after Nancy Pelosi or offering a plan to lead. The concern was that we were in defensive mode.

It needs to be pointed out that right now, it is Summer. People are not paying close attention. On issues, 70% of the people favor drilling off of the coasts, and we need to hammer this daily. Half of Americans make less than $50,000 annually, so $70 to fill up a gas tank is a world of hurt. Also, fiscal issues unite us. Not tax issues, because McCain already has his tax plan, but fiscal issues. The issue is spending, earmarks are out of control, and McCain fights against earmarks. The people know him for this.

It was brought up that Newt Gingrich offered his “Platform with the American people.” Where is McCain’s message, and why should people vote for McCain?

Right now there is no condensed platform. Planks are being unveiled on a weekly basis. Whether it is called a platform, a contract, or a manifesto, or what have you, is not the issue. People are already open to John McCain. That is not the concern. Again, again, again, we need to expose Obama.

The final concern was why we were not spending more time letting the world know about McCain’s national security backgorund, and making the election about national security.

The reason for this is that we have to focus on what the voters are focused on. The main issues are the economy, energy, and health care. McCain is fine on national security, but the voters decide what the politicians need to be concerned with.

My main concern was that as somebody that has a blog and a radio show, I needed talking points. I obviously can think for myself, but I wanted to know exactly what the party wants me to hammer home right now. I was told that the different positions between McCain and Obama on Iran, especially in light of Iran’s recent belligerence, should be a key focus.

I am glad that Eric Cantor took the time to speak with us. He is a shining light in Congress, and as a Jewish republican, I beam with pride at his service. I look forward to the day when he leads an entire delegation of republican Jews into power beside him.


I am black America’s new leader

Tuesday, July 22nd, 2008

I will be at the Laugh Factory tonight doing a short set. It should be on You Tube soon enough.

The world will know the good news I am sharing with you today.

As of today, I am now the top level of the black leadership in America.

I appointed myself. As of this moment, Jesse Jackson is no longer representing black America. I am.

For those of you who would like to point out that I belong to a sect of Caucasians known as “pasty white,” step off.

It is wrong to judge a man’s race by the color of his skin.

Some would argue that I have done nothing to help black America. Yet Jesse Jackson has done much mroe harm than good, and a rating of zero is better than a negative rating.

Jesse Jackson threatened to castrate another black man. I never did.

Jesse Jackson has two families with two different women, shaming men everywhere. Not me.

Jesse Jackson used the N-word. I would never use it. It is a disgusting word, and Jesse Jackson is a disgusting man.

Jesse Jackson wants race relations to worsen, since that feeds his power.

I want race relations to get better, because that helps strengthen society.

Jesse Jackson has had decades to do something positive for black America, and  he has failed. I am prepared to take over.

First of all, let’s have an honest discussion about race. Not one of those touchy feely namby pamby conversations between imbeciles, as done on “The View.” I mean saying things that people would never say out loud.

The honest cold truth is that the differences between black and white are nothing compared to the differences between men and women. As long as you are a man, there is a chance, regardless of race, that you will make sense, allowing me to understand you.

There is no race war in America right now. We have tensions, but not an all out race war. We do have the war between the sexes.

When Michelle Obama complains, we don’t see her as an angry black. We see her as an angry woman, no different from Hillary. We want her to pipe down so we can watch the ball game. We will take out the trash during the commercial.

I don’t hate Michelle Obama. I think there is a place in society for strong successful women like Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton and Oprah Winfrey. In fact, I would love to see them all in an animated musical version of Rapper Sir Mix Alot singing “Baby Got Back.”

Pious people need to drop the righteousness right now. I am not the only young Jewish guy that has unhealthy fantasies about Monique from Showtime at the Apollo.

As a black leader, maybe now I can actually get somewhere. Chicks dig leaders.

I hold an honest job and am a good provider. Since I am now a black leader, I will be offended if anybody tells me I am acting white.

So what can I bring to the table for black America to take pride in?

I am alcohol, drug, and disease free. I have never referred to Condoleeza Rice as “Condoskeeza.” That would be Pastor Jeremiah Wright, who I am also removing as a black leader.

I will also be assigning characteristics to people based on their actual make up.

As of this moment, Clarence Thomas is black. Bill Clinton is white.

Hillary Clinton is officially, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, female.

John Edwards, despite equally strong contradictory evidence, is male, albeit barely.

Barack Obama shall be judged solely on his merits. He is part black, part white, and completely full of cr@p.

As a black man, it warms my heart to see a black man reach the pinnacle of success by pandering and phoniness with as much zeal as any white man would. I am sure Barack feels the same way about me, and he might be right.

My comprehensive plan to end racism is simple. David Duke shall be trapped in a room with Tara Banks. His grand wizard wand would touch the stars quickly.

I will also address the problem of black out of wedlock births. Jesse Jackson will be neutered immediately, reducing the problem by 2%. Unlike how he wanted to treat Barack Obama, Jesse will be treated humanely.

From now on, the term “black hole” will be acceptable, especially when describing either Whoopi Goldberg’s career or her nether region, which I believe is how she refers to it.

I gave black America as much time as possible to choose leaders that did not destroy black America, but I can wait no longer.

Also, Robin Quivers will be given a raise, since Howard Stern needs her to keep him from slipping into a moral abyss.

I wish I had that filter before saying things I think.

I will help develop talent in the black community that has been ignored for too long. It is about time somebody took a chance on Bill Cosby.

Now that I am a black leader, I can not only criticize use of the N-word, but unlike Jesse Jackson, I would actually mean it. I can see society getting less coarse.

Run DMC’s “Proud to be black,” will be played at the White House. It will not be renamed the Black House, but in a unique compromise, black pieces will now be required to move first on a chessboard.

Also, vanilla extract, despite being brown, will no longer be described as pure. Angel’s food cake and Devil’s food cake will both be served together in unity.

However, replacing paprika with salt will not allow Deviled eggs to be refered to as Angeled eggs.

Also, the Depaul Blue Demons, Duke Blue Devils, and California Angels will all be integrated so that nobody can claim racial goodnewss.

The teams will not be integrated by gender, since then nobody would watch.

Despite few people watching now, the WNBA will continue to employ women only. Removing men from the roles of women destroyed Shakespeare, and nobody watches him anymore.

All the people will be cared about now that I am in charge. If you are a black bisexual addicted to country music, there is finally a place for you.

I hope I am up to the challenge.

Actually, this job seems like a ton of responsibility. I might not be up to it. I have changed my mind. I am abdicating my role as head of the black leadership.

All I ask when I am step down today is that my replacement not be even less qualified to talk about what ails black America than me.

I may not be the right choice, but I am no Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton. Beneath the nonsense, unlike those two charlatans, I actually care.

I wonder if women need a leader. Maybe Norwegians need one. Perhaps they already have one, but they don’t have me.

Actually, I could be the leader for Norwegian women…at least the ones on the bikini team.