Archive for April, 2016

NFL 2016 Draft Thursday Recap

Friday, April 29th, 2016

NFL 2016 Draft Thursday Recap

Sir Roger of Goodell to speaketh. NFL Draft 2016 is now.

After 362 days underground, Mel Kiper Jr. appeared, saw his pompadour shadow, declared 3 straight days of football.

“The Los Angeles Rams are on the clock.”

NFL 2016 Draft is now reality.

In political/global news, everyone except Rams Coach Jeff Fisher is utterly irrelevant.

Los Angeles Rams choose Jared Goff over Carson Wentz. Additionally, Jim Irsay has no regrets of choosing Peyton Manning over Ryan Leaf.

If Carson Wentz can dink, dunk, throw 4 yard passes, & throw 1 yard on 3rd and 1, he’ll be a fine West Coast Offense QB.

Nothing inspires Philly fans like Doug Pederson, a Walrus Lite Andy Reid disciple. Wentz will be expected to complete 30 passes for 120 yards and 0 turnovers.

The non-Los Angeles Chargers are on the clock.

Chargers took defensive end Joey Bosa rather than take an offensive tackle to protect Philip Rivers.

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is always a gambler. Jerrah resisted the urge to trade all his picks away for Johnny Manziel.

When asked who they wanted Jerry Jones to add to his team, Cowboys fans responded “Jimmy Johnson.”

It is only fitting on Passover that Ezekiel enters the room. Now we wait for Elijah.

London Jaguars choose Jalen Ramsey, who sobs after being told some home games are in North Florida & not Europe.

Ronnie? Stanley? When you are that big, John Harbaugh will pick both of you.

Ronnie Stanley just made VERY classy remarks about Laremy Tunsil, refusing to say he is better.

DeForest Buckner plays defense. We now have confirmation Howie Roseman makes 49ers decisions, not Chip Kelly.

Titans trade up to take a tackle, but it’s Jack Conklin over Laremy Tunsil. This drug video of Tunsil has to be why.

Consolation for Tunsil: Warren Sapp, Randy Moss and Aaron Rodgers all fell (although Rodgers had 0 character issues).

Hey Leonard Floyd: Dick Butkus & Brian Urlacher are on the phone. They want you to beat the daylights out of Aaron Rodgers.

Giants select guy named Eli. His name alone says this will fail. Eli Apple not related to Fiona Apple.

Derrick Brooks, Ronde Barber & Warren Sapp expected to take Vernon Hargreaves & shave his head.

By choosing Sheldon Rankins over Paxton Lynch, Saints totally uninterested in grooming successor to Drew Brees. Brees is still elite, hence a lack of urgency in the Big Easy.

After Richie Incognito, Dolphins picking Laremy Tunsil is nothing.

The Oakland Raiders are on the clock.

Reggie McKenzie is the anti-Al Davis. Davis used to have 2 rules:

1)Show up on Sunday
2) Stay out of trouble with the law

At the bottom of the blackboard it said that if you obey Rule 1, don’t worry about Rule 2.

Those days are gone. Reggie McKenzie has taken risks on guys with medical issues, but not character issues.

McKenzie in this draft must draft defense, defense, defense, & more defense.

#Raiders GM Reggie McKenzie, by taking Safety Karl Joseph, is trying to replace Charles Woodson. Solid pick.

McKenzie is known for making sensible picks.

Cleveland Browns may have all 32 first round picks next year.

Detroit Lions in taking Taylor Decker choose safe & solid over sexy. Big wedge of beef to protect Matthew Stafford.

Coach Jim Caldwell was so pleased he almost made a facial expression.

If Lions are not careful, owner Martha Ford may not fire anyone next year.

Keanu Neal good fit for Dan Quinn’s system. Falcons have offensive playmakers. They need defense. Atlanta got it right.

Colts get it perfectly right. Andrew Luck beaten to a pulp in 2015. Center Ryan Kelly a great choice.

Rather than screw with his hated Jets, Bills Coach Rex Ryan went with what he knows: defense. Problem: He needs offense.

Blitz-happy Todd Bowles opts for defense with Darren Lee. Not Paxton Lynch. They must rent Ryan Fitzpatrick’s beard for another year.

Had Texans chosen Paxton Lynch, Brock Osweiler’s head would have exploded. Instead Osweiler gets a receiver to play with. Makes sense.

Thought Redskins would shore up their defense, but getting a receiver for Kirk Cousins not bad.

Minnesota Vikings make perfect pick. Teddy Bridgewater to Laquon Treadwell could become Randall Cunningham to Randy Moss.

With Adrian Peterson, Vikings have to guard against overconfidence. It’s way too early to declare this 1998, but this team is a legitimate Super Bowl contender under Mike Zimmer.

Cincinnati Bengals should skip players & instead draft a psychiatrist. They have talented head cases. Marvin Lewis picked insurance in case any of his current defensive stars get arrested or suspended.

Nothing surprising out of Pittsburgh. They played it safe. Mike Tomlin has another hard-nosed defender.

Great thing about being Denver Broncos quarterback is there’s no pressure since expectations are low.

Paxton Lynch is not being asked to be a savior like John Elway 1983 or Peyton Manning 2012. Broncos are Von Miller’s team.

Lynch has to be Trent Dilfer, nothing more.

When healthy, Packers set on offense. You can never have enough defensive tackles. Typical sensible Packers pick.

Side note: Oakland Raiders GM Reggie McKenzie, who makes very solid picks, was trained in the Packers system.

49ers traded Joe Montana, Steve Bono & Alex Smith to Chiefs. Now Chiefs trade down, 49ers select…a guard?

Did they not think one quarterback was available who could throw further than 4 yards? Oh wait, Chip Kelly is not a dink & dunker.

New England Patriots not on the clock. They forfeited #1 pick due to #Deflategate cheating scandal.

Tom Brady has seriously deflated balls right now.

Bruce Arians has another serious pass rusher. With his high octane offense, Arizona is still elite.

Ron Rivera should have taken a cornerback to replace Josh Norman. A defensive tackle is fine, but they need secondary help.

Pete Carroll & John Schneider tend to play it safe/solid. Germain Ifedi needed to replace Russell Okung.

Ifedi should immediately be on the phone with Walter Jones asking for advice.

Approximately 19 hours until NFL Draft 2016 Round 2. The Cleveland Browns are on the clock.


Explaining the NFL Draft to my mother

Thursday, April 28th, 2016

The Los Angeles Rams are on the clock. With those words by Commissioner Roger Goodell, the 2016 National Football League Draft will commence. Many Americans will obsessively follow every moment of every pick and every trade. My parents will be watching the news or reruns of “Murder, She Wrote.”

If you love football, the Draft is a lifeline that prevents leatherheads from losing their ever-loving football minds during the offseason. From the end of the Super Bowl in February to the season opening kickoff in September, NFL fans have so much pain and suffering. The Draft is not an actual game, but it is something.

For those who do not understand football, the NFL Draft makes even less sense.

Mom: So who is playing?

Me: Well all 32 teams are playing, but nobody is actually playing. It is not a game. It is where they select the players who will enter the league.

Mom: Selecting players? You mean like when you were a kid and the gym coach told you to stand on one side and Mikey to stand on the other side? Then you would pick Kenny and Mikey would pick Johnny until you both had teams?

Me: Well, yes, but it is a little more detailed than that.

Mom: Ok, so each team picks what players they want? What is going on while a player is being picked?

Me: Well different teams have different needs so they sometimes make trades. Teams call each other on the telephone and make deals.

Mom: Hours of people making phone calls? Really, people watch this? While the workers are making phone calls, what is the audience doing?

Me: The fans are watching the guys who make the phone calls and hoping that their team picks the players the fans want.

Mom: So they are sitting around watching people make phone calls? Then after a team picks a player, the fans sit and wait until the next team picks a player?

Me: Yes.

Mom: What if the player does not want to play for the team that picks him?

Me: That hardly ever happens. The players do not have a choice. The teams decide, not the players.

Mom: How long does this last?

Me: Three days.

Mom: People spend three days watching people make phone calls and choosing players? Do they at least when this is all over play a real game?

Me: Not until five months later.

Mom: You actually sit around and watch people make phone calls. Wow. So how do they decide who chooses when?

Me: The worst team from the year before chooses first and the best team that wins the previous Super Bowl chooses last.

Mom: That sounds like socialism. I thought sports owners and players were capitalists. Why shouldn’t the best team pick first and the worst team pick last?

Me: That would give the good teams an unfair advantage.

Mom: How is that unfair if they earned it?

Me: Mom, it’s the rules of the league. I don’t make them. I am just a fan. During the season I watch the games. When it is not football season I have nothing to do but sit around and spending three days watching people making phone calls to each other.

Mom: Well honey, if it makes you happy, enjoy it. I cannot imagine sitting down for hours doing that, but if you like it, that is all that matters. Anyway, I have to go. Your father and I are about to watch a “Murder, She Wrote” marathon.

Why Ted Cruz should never have picked Carly Fiorina

Thursday, April 28th, 2016

Why Ted Cruz should never have picked Carly Fiorina


Presidential race shifts from Northeastern Smugistan to Normal America

Wednesday, April 27th, 2016

Presidential race shifts from Northeastern Smugistan to Normal America


Deflategate Update: Goodell checkmates Brady

Tuesday, April 26th, 2016

Deflategate Update: Goodell checkmates Brady


Prince’s real legacy

Monday, April 25th, 2016

Prince’s real legacy


NFL 2016’s Top 16 Matchups

Monday, April 18th, 2016

NFL 2016’s Top 16 Matchups


NFL 2016 Schedule

Monday, April 18th, 2016

The NFL 2016 Schedule is here. Memorize it. Now.


The way to stop bullies is to stop them

Monday, April 18th, 2016

The way to stop bullies is to stop them

Due to things I’ve witnessed & death threats I’ve received, one cause I believe in is stopping bullies.

Andrew Breitbart (rest his soul) and Michelle Malkin both taught me to publish my hate mail. Most of my hate mail comes from either Islamists or leftists. I publish the names because I do not believe people should hide behind anonymous identities when terrorizing people.

Bullying comes in many different forms. This past weekend I saw 2 cases of it.

1) A female Rabbi dedicated her sermon to leftist politics in a place that should have been solely for Judaism.

I decided to call out the Rabbi by name not to hurt her, but to get her to realize how much hurt she inflicted on others.

2) A woman broke a date with me and then sent me vicious messages that were solely designed to try and humiliate me.

At first I would have left her name out of it. However, she sent repeated texts bragging about her sex life and attacking my male appendage.

I warned her that if she did not stop, I would cut and paste her remarks. She persisted. I cut and pasted her remarks.

I don’t like these kinds of conflicts, but the way to stop a bully is to stop them. There is no other way.

If somebody does not tell the Rabbi to stop abusing her pulpit, she will keep doing so. If somebody does not shame this other girl into not sending abusive and humiliating texts, she will keep doing so.

I wish we lived in a world where people did not treat people badly simply because of ideology, religion, race, gender, etc. However, bullies do what they do because they feel like it. Anything other than overwhelming force just invites more bullying.

Settling a conflict peacefully is not possible when the aggressor sees kindness as weakness. This is especially true of Islamists and leftists.

I hope that we can end bullying once and for all. Barring that, if you try to hurt me, I will hit back many times as hard.

If any of you have a problem with this, that is on you. I will never accept bullying. Not now. Not ever.

I look forward to Monday, which will hopefully be a day of peace.


Dating Disaster–some women are just crazy

Monday, April 18th, 2016

I was supposed to have a date Wednesday night. She cancelled because she was sick. She is against a phone conversation and believes all communication should be online. I prefer human contact.

She asked if we could reschedule for Sunday. I said fine. I thought we were getting together at 7pm. She thought 4pm. Why I don’t know. Fine. I told her all I needed was a place with parking. She said she takes the trains. I said fine but I drive.

I told her to pick the place so it would be something she liked. She said she is used to the guy picking the place. I do not live in NYC.

She said I was being too demanding. She canceled again and de friended me on Facebook.

Are you kidding me? I get so few nights to have fun on this trip and she ruined 2 of them.

Who the hell makes a date without one quick phone convo? It is impossible to convey emotions online.

So the next time I am told I get angry, it is because I am tired of dealing with emotional basket cases. I want to meet a NORMAL woman with her act together.

Get me the hell out of NY. I miss my Los Angeles home, it’s gorgeous weather, and my building with plenty of parking spots.

Now to do nothing today because my plans are ruined by some bitch too crazy to pick up a telephone and make plans like a normal person.

Women wonder why they’re single. It’s because feminism has turned them into combative lunatics who can’t do the slightest thing like make a plan.

Her: I got laid last night. Did you? No bc you are an aggressive douche bag.

That was her.

Apparently all 6 of her female friends think it’s my fault.

What the hell is wrong with this woman? What woman talks or acts like this?

She has really gone nuts. Below are her threats against me.

Her: Delete ALL on fb and twitter or I am contacting the police in one hour

Im not joking

You have until 3pm with proof it is deleted or I am calling the police on you

I will take legal action against you if its not down right now.

You had time to post ahot about me. You have time to take it down. My lawyer friends contacted me that you did this and that i can take action and call the cops on you. Take it down now. I owe yoh jack shit

Ok im calling the cops at 3pm. We’ll see how you like it then

It wasnt public asshole my converation with you. Im sorry you have auch a small dick that you cant handle rejection but publicly posting has legal consequences

Take twitter and fb posts about me down NOW. I will ask my friends at 330pm, giving you an extra 30 mins so you can finish your shitty speech. If its not down by 330, the cops will be notified as will my attorney

I am checking at 330pm. You will regret you messed with me and you will have record. Take that shit down. No woman deserves that for rejecting an asshole

I spoke to my attorney. I can file a charge against you for cyberbullying if you do not take down all posts referencing my name on both fb and twitter. I would need a screen shot proof that all is down.

If you dont take it down the next communication will not be from me

I am not sure why you are psycho and cannot handle rejection.

That was all her.

Wow. Just wow.