Archive for April, 2007

No global warming in New York…am I back in LA yet?

Thursday, April 26th, 2007

As someone who was born and raised in New York, people think I should enjoy the changing of the seasons. Bah! Humbug! I live in Los Angeles, where it is sunny and 72 year round. I could care less if the leaves change, and I truly think snow is God’s way of saying he hates certain people. It is less than a week from May, and it is 56 degrees out.

Animals live like this.

If I hear one more person tell me about the culture, and that New York is the city that does not sleep, I will deck them. I remember the blizzard of 1996, and thinking…animals live like this. It is not for people. Some people ask how I could be against the cold when I grew up in it. I keep telling them that yes, I grew up in New York, but I never went outside. From December to March I just stayed in and b*tched all winter.

My dad pointed out that if I went outside and played in the snow, I could then come in, sit by the fire, and drink hot chocolate and watch tv. I pointed out to my dad that I did not need to go outside to do that. I then proceeded to go straight to the tv and the warmth.

Skiing? You can have it. Snowmen? Who cares. A white Christmas? I’m Jewish. There is nothing in the old or new testament that says anything about freezing to death.

When I came to Los Angeles in 1990, there was a drought. That is what they called it. I called it gorgeous weather, and I still do. At the time waiters did not bring water to the table in restaurants. I never drank mine anyway.

I see snow, and I think…oh great, now we are all going to get the flu and die. Yes, I have become a sissy girly pansy boy. So what…in February I am in my jacuzzi with a glowstick in my mouth (fake cigar), enjoying the good life.

I only hope the good lord truly is my shepherd, and manages to get me back to Los Angeles in a few days without any debilitating illnesses that are caused my awful weather.

Look, I understand February. This is almost May for crying out loud!

Somebody find Al Gore, fly him here, and say to him “Al…look at this…there is no warmth anywhere! (I am even too cold to ridicule him. I am sure once my fingers warm up in LA I can find more things about him I detest).

I am a New Yorker born and raised. I say that with pride. I will never be an Angeleno. I am a New Yorker living in LA. I will say that 30 years from now. New Yorkers who stayed will not be able to criticize me…they will be in the ground from hypothermia.

Dear Randy Newman…I know what you mean…I have been in New York a few hours…and all I can say is…I love LA.


Reducing hate speech one liberal Hollywood celebrity at a time

Thursday, April 26th, 2007

America is a better place tonight. Alec Baldwin is in seclusion, and Rosie O’Donnell is kicking and screaming her way out the door. One by one, Hollywood liberals are slowly, finally and thankfully being smacked down, and smacked down hard.

Now before some of you play the censorship card and blame George W. Bush or Karl Rove for this, remember that free speech is not absolute. More importantly, free speech does not cover hate speech.

At this point liberals will find an example of some right wing zealot declaring homosexuality a sin. The difference is conservative hate speech is an aberration condemned by mainstream conservatives. Liberal hate speech is the norm…it is becoming redundant, and embraced by liberals. Even worse, it is stupid speech. Combining anger with a lack of intelligence…come to think of it, that just might be “The View” in a wingnutshell. Who watches this stuff? Certainly not men, or women with any skills. Show me 5 men in America watching that drivel, and I will show you men who fell asleep watching a ballgame at midnight.

Why blame the View? Because it promotes idiotic hate speech, whether it be Danny Devito getting drunk and savaging President Bush, or Rosie O’Donnell ranting 40 years after bra burning became passe. Barbara Walters used to interview Menachem Begin and Anwar Sadat. Now she plays second fiddle, drooling next to a hatemonger, when not drooling next to fascinating people such as Paris “My parents worked hard” Hilton.

Some liberals claim to be against hate speech, but by not speaking out loudly, they are complicit. Many Germans claimed to be against the Holocaust after the German lost the war, but they were mighty quiet during it (No, I am not comparing liberals to Nazis, although silencing your enemies is scary no matter who does it).

Alec Baldwin and Rosie O’Donnell have both made careers out of hurting other people with unprovoked attacks. Henry Hyde did not deserve to have Alec Baldwin threaten to stone him to death. Donald Trump did not deserve to have Rosie heap verbal abuse on him. Liberals seem to think that just because someone is rich, powerful or famous, makes them a bad person. Ironically, many of these liberals are the very rich, powerful and famous people they claim to loathe.

The good news is we are at a tipping point. Al Franken bombed on Air America, and his Senate candidacy against a good decent man like Norm Coleman is floundering. The men Al Franken ridiculed, Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly, are thriving. Sean Hannity, a target of Alec Baldwin, is doing phenomenally well. It is not because they are conservative. It is because they stick to issues in their area of expertise, and do not resort to ad hominem attacks.

Civility does work. Howard Dean ran a campaign in 2004 based on rage and hatred. As he was imploding, John Edwards rose in the polls and almost won the nomination, all the while running a positive campaign.

A good example of how to behave is rock star Jon Bon Jovi. He is politically liberal, and he headlined frequent fundraisers for John Kerry. Yet he did not lob bombs. He exhorted the crowd to support John Kerry, and then he did what he was supposed to do. To quote Laura Ingraham (I will spare you all my R-rated fantasies about her. She is a dignified woman, and I doubt she would be willing to have a pillowfight with me on a trampoline in her underclothing…I respect her for her mind), he “shut up and sang.” He did not call President Bush a liar, Hitler, or a loser. Harry “the war is lost” Reid could learn from him.

Everyone needs to be more civil. Yes, there are actually Hollywood celebrities who have never been divorced, done cocaine, beaten their children, abused their assistants, or generally disgusted the American public. The problem is they do not speak up. Until they start breaking ranks and bring down the pink wall of piousness, they will continue to offend Americans. There was a time when this was tolerable. This tolerance is finally, albeit perhaps temporarily breaking down.

Hollywood could be a force for positive change. This week is a good start. Even if it IS only for a couple days, Alec Baldwin and Rosie O’Donnell being quiet for a short amount of time is better than nothing.

Society will get better when good people stand up and say that they have had enough. One Hollywood liberal at a time, they will be either silenced or they will change for the better. This is not censorship. It is promoting decency. Goodbye, Rosie, Queen of Morona. Goodbye Alec “child abuser” Baldwin. Your narcissism has run its course.

May every Hollywood celebrity who acts this way look in the mirror, and decide to act like someone who is not them. Observe good people, and become one of them. Perhaps some people from middle America…the real heart and soul of America…can teach them how.

Two down, only a few thousand more to go…slowly but surely…it will not be easy…but it will be worth it. Hate speech can…and should…be reduced…even if we have to do it one drugged out, abusive, Hollywood celebrity at a time.


Liberals talk about improving the world, Conservatives actually do it

Wednesday, April 25th, 2007

I want to make it clear right off the bat that liberals, despite being hopelessly wrong on almost every significant issue, are not my enemies. They are my political opponents. I do not hate them. I disagree with them. While some of them are disgustingly cynical (Harry Reid wanting America to lose in Iraq because it benefits democrats at the polls, soldiers lives be d@mned), most liberals have generally noble intentions. They want to make the world a better place. The problem is intentions are all liberals have. Conservatives bring results. Results are all that matter. Deeds change history, words are meaningless.

Liberal environmentalists tell us that the planet is warming, humans are causing this, humans can prevent it, and anyone disagreeing with this viewpoint is an imbecile. Conservatives understand that radical environmental regulations would cripple the global economy. The poorest nations would be hurt the most.

On a small scale, I am less concerned about the spotted owl than I am about hundreds of families going hungry because timber workers are fired. We can help the owl and the timber worker, but the left simply values the animal’s rights over that of the human being. If drilling for oil in Alaska can take even a small step towards reducing American dependence on foreign oil, that should be seen as the overriding factor. Trees are simply not as important as human beings fighting a War on Terror.

On a large scale, liberals are wrong on trade. Free trade works. The positives to global trade deals far outweigh the negatives. We hear about outsourcing, but there is a significant amount of “insourcing.” Protectionism has never worked. Wage and price contols have never worked.

Liberals want to raise taxes. Conservatives want to lower them. If you believe that governments do a better job of anything (except the military, which is outstanding, and the one government entity liberals dislike), ask the DMV, the Post Office, or any other government service to help run your business. This does not make government workers bad people. Far from it. It’s just that business is about reducing bureaucracy and encouraging innovation. Government by definition is a bureaucracy. Lower taxes helps all income brackets, and produces economic growth. JFK understood this, because democrats were not always liberals.

Liberals wanted world peace between the USA and the Russians. If we were just dimplomatic with the Russians, all would be fine. Conservatives believed in the policy of containment (started by Harry Truman, back when democrats were not liberals…they were tough on foreign policy). When Ronald Reagan said “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall,” he meant it. Reagan is beloved not just for his noble words, but for the resulting actions that took place.

Liberals have spent hours explaining why Iraq has nothing to do with the War on Terror, and they are utterly wrong. For one thing, the Islamofacists trying to kill us have said that it is the central front at this time. Alot of good has come out of Iraq. Saddam is dead, and so are his sons. Khadafi in Libya has voluntarily given up his weapons programs. This was not because of years of negotiations. This is a total and direct result of Saddam being defeated, captured and killed. Khadafi, often thought of as a lunatic, turned out to be quite pragmatic. He saw what happened to Saddam and thought, “Hey man, I don’t need this hassle. Dubya has had it. I better take up golf or tennis instead.” It is also worth noting that Khadafi slowed down severely after Reagan bombed his home in 1986.

Liberals complain that 3000 people died as a result of this Iraq war. I callously say that is irrelevant. I honor the fallen soldiers. It makes me sick to lose one American soldier. However, freedom has a price. We lost hundreds of thousands of soldiers in wars throughout our history. Should we have not fought at Gettysburg? What about World War II? The world is a better place. Sometimes, war is the answer. War is Hell. Losing all of civilization is worse.

Time after time, on issue after issue, well intentioned liberals make great speeches that amnount to nothing in terms of actual accomplishments. Barack Obama and John Edwards are brilliant speakers. My political resume is about as distinguished as theirs, and all I do is vote. Rudy Giuliani and John McCain are giants. They get things done.

Everyone wants to make the world a better place. Until those on the left come up with real solutions that are feasible, practical, and actually able to be implemented, without bankrupting the global economy or putting the security of the world at risk, liberals will continue to be seen as well intentioned idealists that accomplish nothing. I suppose this is one step above making things worse, and two steps above praying for bad results to the world to benefit themselves, but liberals could try another tack. They could actually do things…and do them right…and make a real difference…and benefit people everywhere…then again, these people already exist. They are called conservatives. 


The Dead Flowers Girl

Wednesday, April 25th, 2007

Despite my MTV generation attention span, occasionally my attention is kept. It has been a long time since I first encountered the “Dead Flowers” Girl. I will be running into her again this week, and I have no idea what to make of it.

I first contacted her for the reason that boys contact girls…because that is what we do. It is on page one of my “How to be a guy” handbook. Although I am normally relaxed about these things, this girl had one major difference from me. I approached her online (like my generation actually goes places and does things, of course she was online) and told her that I liked her profile, but that we had one difference, and I wanted to know if it was a dealbreaker. Shockingly enough, it was not. She was hardcore in her beliefs, but she was not an ideological bigot. More importantly, she was the first woman I had encountered who was not a schoolteacher or a social worker. She was corporate.

This was hard to reconcile…a borderline trotskeyite that liked capitalism, disliked taxes, and understood and appreciated business. Maybe all my perceptions all this time were wrong. Ruling that out, I figured she was one in a milli-vanillion.

I lived in LA, she lived in New York, so at least there was no pressure when she called me. Except that she was in town visiting her family, who lived across the street from me. It was July 4th, 2006, and nothing says romance like Independence Day (Like I know what that means). No matter how bad the date went, at least their would be fireworks later that night (the ones in the sky, lest her parents think I was being impolite). I walked over to her parents’ condo, and they scattered in a hurry. We hung out for an hour and talked. I do not know if that counts as an actual date, but I am declaring it one.

She went back to NY the next day (not because of anything I said, her plane ticket was already bought). Because I have family and business in NY, we made plans for a second date, dinner in August. We kept in touch by phone, and she did say that she was in a multi-year relationship before she met me. Because of that, I asked her that question that all men need to ask women in this situation…”Are you a basket case?” She told me that she was not, and that her past was totally past, and that she had made a clean break.

I arrived in NY, and several hours after getting off of the plane, we had dinner at one of the loveliest restaurants I have ever eaten at. It is one thing for a woman to be smart and beautiful (I would say brilliant and drop dead gorgeous but giving her a swelled head is not the way to go). It is another for her to speak and me want to listen. I actually cared what she had to say. Perhaps I was tired from the flight. I wonder if she cared what I had to say. Everything was fine…well, in a forced, awkward, uncomfortable, nerve wracking kind of way…but fine nonetheless. As we were rushing to catch the train, she dropped the flowers I had bought her. As we turned around to go get them, a car raced by and ran them over…crushed them into little itty bitty floral pieces.

It was at that moment I knew it would not work. Perhaps she was thinking the same thing. Or maybe she was thinking “wow, that sucks.” I kept thinking this was not a sign, and yet the Guns n Roses song “November Rain” was in my head, complete with the video imagery of the flowers being tossed from the wedding to the funeral. I looked at her and said the only thing I could think of at that moment. “Well, at least I did not get you a puppy or a kitten.”

I went back to LA, and decided to fly her out from NY to LA for our 3rd date. I figured she could stay at her parents, and some women actually would be impressed by a guy who flew them out for dinner. Others would be creeped out. I hoped she was the former. It became irrelevant. Her ex, totally out of the picture, was back. I explained to her that I would have treated her like she was radioactive if I had known this was a possibility. She apologized, but then again, giving someone a second chance is a positive development. Everyone except Rosie O’Donnell can understand this. Just ask Mr. Trump.

For reasons which I do not understand, I decided to keep in touch with her as friends. We had some things in common, and I did enjoy the time I spent with her. We kept in touch sporadically, and I have to say the next few months…no one else caught my interest on that level. As I said, it is tough for a hard charging corporate Wall Street type to date schoolteachers and social workers. My lord they bore me. I imagined calling her up and saying “Listen, about your boyfriend…shove him under a truck and be with me instead.” For once, common sense won out (actually, we kept playing phone tag, so I was spared my own imbecilic idea blowing up). For reasons that are not my business, she broke it off with the other fella again, and insists that this time it is final.

I believe women should be given time to heal, so I gave her 20 minutes before asking her out again. We are having our 3rd date this Friday.

As for where this is going…how the hell should I know? I do know that over time, she has opened up. She has talked more. She has told me about her family (nothing incriminating to get her in trouble). She even laughed at some of my jokes, although she could have been humoring me (which would be sweet anyway). When I tried to plan the evening, everything was forced. By having her plan the evening this time, it will be much more relaxing, and perhaps more comfortable for her.

Perhaps we are too different. Then again, James Carville did marry Mary Matalin. Besides, romance is not the only positive outcome. Perhaps it will just be friendship. I just know that 20 years from now, I hope I still know her in some capacity.

She asked me not to buy her flowers this time. That will not be an issue. She would kill them. Then again, those flowers may be dead, but perhaps something better is slowly but unsurely blooming.

I have often said that my life is a traveling carnival of adventure. To that I say…

“Time to board another plane…Memories of you still remain…This is how my life unravels…as the carnival travels.”

I turn on the news, and see that the weather in NY is ok, except a low pressure system is heading our way. Low pressure…just how I like it. Ok, so I totally have not watched a weather report in years, but it sounds good.

I have reason to suspect she would not be the slightest bit wooed with Marvin Gaye music. Perhaps it was the time she all but expressed this. I could always try Guns n Roses. Nothing says romance like the song “Don’t Cry.” Then again, they do have a song called “Dead Flowers,” another one called “Garden of Eden,” and another one called “The Garden.” This can only mean one thing…I have a crush on Axl Rose.

Oh great, more issues to work out, 3 days before our 3rd date. I will tell myself in my sleep that I do not have a crush on Axl Rose, Rupaul, Bea Arthur, my 35th cousin, or anything else that could result in my kids becoming cannibals…or worse…vegetarians.

As Guns n Roses shifts to Whitesnake’s “Here I go again,” hard rock romantic David Coverdale sings “I don’t know, where I’m going…but I sure know where I’ve been.”

I just want the Dead Flowers Girl to know why I chose tonight of all nights to write about her. I had writer’s block, and nothing political is happening at this hour.

Well, that, and I like her. Even if we are ideological opposites. She has Canadian lineage, and I bleed (hand on heart) blood red, stallion-lily white and royal regal blue. Then again, we are gender opposites as well, and that has actually helped. Enough nonsense. I like her. I cannot figure out why, how, or in what capacity…but I know I like her.

(Tesla’s “Love Song” fades out, the coda so peaceful)…I know…I know…I know…I know…


Liberals are right…just not about anything that matters.

Tuesday, April 24th, 2007

When listening to the left (which is occasionally necessary to remind myself why I am right about being on the right), I do sometimes hear them say things that are true. The statements are useless and inconsequential, but nevertheless true.

“We should love our children more.” Wow, I am glad people in congress can remind parents to do that.

“It is wrong that some people go hungry while other live well off.” Yes it’s terrible.

“If we destroy the planet, there will be nowhere for humans to live.” This is brilliantly insightful.

These statements and others discuss problems, but like most accurate liberal statements, do not offer any kind of solutions. Yet this is prefectly acceptable, because when liberals make untrue statements, those are usually followed by disastrous ideas for solutions.

What drives the liberals crazy (redundant, I know) is that no matter how hard they try, it is not possible to make someone corrupt if they choose not to be. Bill Clinton was corrupt. His supporters do not deny this. They just state that the ends justify the means. He was a lovable rascal. Bill Clinton’s background in Arkansas? “Oh, that’s just Arkansas politics.” Sandy Berger? “Yeah, he always was disorganized…good old disorganized Sandy.” The list of scandals before Clinton came to office, while in office, and even after he left office…I suppose it could be a considered a right wing conspiracy. Newt Gingrich held Bill Clinton at gunpoint and forced him to go mothballing or bobbing for apples between Monica. This is not about a sex scandal. It is about a pattern of corruption. Clinton was impeached because he violated the rule of law.

This brings us to George W. Bush. Democrats are not interested in governing. They are interested in vengeance. Clinton was impeached, so Bush has to be impeached as well. Given that logic, one democrat should resign from congress for possessing kiddie porn to even out the Mark Foley scandal. One republican should drive off a bridge and leave a girl to die so that Ted Kennedy will feel better. Equal punishments are only appropriate for equal results. Despite every effort to force President Bush to be corrupt, he simply has no interest in doing so.

The first thing the liberals screamed about was the 2000 election. Bush stole the election. No he didn’t. His election was illegal. No, it wasn’t. The Supremem Court was partisan. Somehow the Florida Supreme Court was not partisan. The butterfly ballot was confusing. A democrat created it, and those who can’t read a ballot should either stay home, be euthanized, or both.

Then Bush had an obligation to govern from the center. No, he didn’t. He had an obligation to keep his word to those who voted for him. JFK did not enact Nixon’s policies (Nixon, for all his flaws, spared the country the legal nightmare Al Gore created despite the fact that dead people put JFK over the top). Bush had an obligation to givern as a conservative. He kept his word, and has done so.

Then the non-scandals began. Enron? Well Bush was from Texas, and so was Enron, which means I am responsible for the Gambino Crime Family misdeeds, since I was born and raised in New York. Halliburton? Cheney used to be CEO, which means that any contracts Halliburton gets are tainted despite the fact that no other US company does what they do. In fact, ask liberals what Enron and Halliburton actually “do.” They won’t know. It has something to do with oil…although it actually doesn’t. I used to work for Morgan Stanley. Morgan Stanley had an office in the World Trade Center. I was laid off from Morgan Stanley. Therefore, I caused 9/11. See how easy it is?

Bush lied about the war. No, he didn’t. The war was illegal. No, it wasn’t. Resolution 1441 was explicit. We went to war unilaterally. No, we didn’t. Liberals, buy a thesaurus. What about Valerie Plame? Joe Wilson badly wanted to go on a cushy junket and sip tea with dictators. His wife recommended him. She was covert, despite posing for Vanity Fair. No, she wasn’t. Joe Wilson said Bush lied. So what, I could claim Bill Clinton rapes puppies and kittens (no, he doesn’t), that does not make it so.

Yes, the worst untruth of all. The Iraq war is lost. No, it isn’t. The surge is failing. No it isn’t, although it very well could be if liberals ever decide to actually govern. Luckily, this will not happen because they are incapable of governing. You cannot pass your agenda when you don’t have one. You cannot turn policies into law when your own side does not know what policies it should believe in. The truth is, democrats need Bush to be corrupt, because they are bankrupt in terms of intellectual ideas.

Dick Cheney shot someone and covered it up. No, he didn’t. An accident happened, and he quickly dealt with it in a responsible manner. Karl Rove lied. No, he didn’t. The list goes on and on. Bush fired US attorneys. So what? He can. He did. Done.

From Robert Bork to Clarence Thomas to the next Bush non-scandal, democrats need to distract Americans away from the real issue…that democrats are useless. They have no coherent philosophy, and even if they did, they could not implement it. So when the only options are to either stand for nothing, or stand for something wrong, the former seems preferable.

The democrats had all the levers of power from 1992 through 1994, and they did such a fabulous job that they lost congress. Two years was all they needed. The republicans ran out of energy after 12 years. The democrats did so after about 12 hours. It is not that they are bad people. It is just that Americans are optimistic. Even if President Bush is not popular, he is still more likable than they are. Americans want him to succeed. They see him as a good decent man who has made mistakes, as all humans have. He wants to make the world a better place. This is honorable. The democrats in congress want to lose the war, because defeating republicans is more important than defeating evil in the world. They need Bush to be corrupt because they need to get elected, so that they can then do nothing and stay elected.

As we get closer to 2008, look for democrats to make some startling announcements.

“It is wrong to hate people.” “It is a tragedy that people are dying every day.” “It is wrong to kill puppies and kittens for no good reason.” “We have to love our children.” “We have to love our neighbor (unless the neighbor is a republican).”

I totally agree with the liberals on these issues. They are right. Now perhaps they might be right about something that actually matters.



Alec Baldwin–Better than Osama, worse than most everyone else

Monday, April 23rd, 2007

I just heard the Alec Baldwin tape. It was truly frightening.

It is one thing to listen to him threaten to stone Henry Hyde to death. That can be dismissed as the rantings of a brain dead Hollywood celebrity, which is becoming more and more redundant by the day. When he screams at Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly, that can be shrugged off by comparing it to any television debate show.

The line has just been crossed. It has been smashed through. There is no going back. Some people will claim that we should not judge Alec Baldwin by an isolated incident. I agree. We should judge him by his pattern of abusive behavior over the course of his public life. There are several things to keep in mind about Alec Baldwin losing his own mind.

1) Divorce happens. For the good of a child, parents should not badmouth each other. People can be terrible husbands/wives and still be good fathers/mothers. If Kim Basinger is a terrible mother, the child should find that out on her own, not from a father with an ax to grind.

2) Calling a child a “rude little pig,” is an awful thing to say to a child who did not say or do anything inappropriate. He also might want to learn his own daughter’s exact age.

3) Alec Baldwin is a narcissistic spoiled brat. He left that awful message because she did not have her cellphone on when he called. Perhaps it wasn’t working. Perhaps she was in a tunnel. Perhaps she was sleeping. He did not give her the benefit of the doubt. There is no allegation of child drug use or other bad behavior. She merely did not have her cellphone on at the exact moment he wanted to talk to her.

4) Alec Baldwin is a bully. He bullied his wife until she filed for divorce. Now he is bullying his daughter. The bottom line is bullies need to be decked. Sean Hannity decked him. Kim Basinger eventually decked him. Alec is running out of people he can bully. His only option now is to buy a puppy or kitten and kick it. Lest anyone think that lack of actual physical violence is a lack of abuse, psychological bullying can be worse.

5) Don Imus lost his job. Ann Coulter has been lambasted. These people have gone after politically liberal and sympathetic individuals. Let’s see if Hollywood has the guts and decency to rid their hands of this menace. Even by the low barrier of Hollywood standards, Alec Baldwin is a disgrace to all that is decent in this world.

No, Alec Baldwin is not Adolf Hitler, or Saddam Hussein, or Osama Bin Laden. He is not the devil incarnate. However, he is a terrible human being, worse than most people who exist. I pray that this girl manages to live a decent life despite the fact that this girl has most likely gotten very little that is positive from her parents outside their creating her.

I will not watch his television show. I will not watch his movies. I am against censorship, but totally in favor of consumer organized boycotts.

I suspect that Alec Baldwin will survive this episode unscathed. He is an arrogant, elitist liberal hypocrite who works in an industry where that seems to be the main, if not the only, requirement. If I am wrong about this, let’s see them criticize him, even mildly. They will not do it.

I will not criticize his acting, or say he is a bad actor. If anything, he is a great actor. He managed to convince alot of people that he is a decent human being. Or worse, they knew how he was, and turned a blind, liberal, starstruck eye away. Rosie O’Donnell,who I will continue to refer to as “Rosie, Queen of Morona,” until she proves otherwise, has come to his defense. It takes a thug and a bully to know one.

Alec Baldwin is a thug and a bully.  Somebody needs to verbally deck him (I am not advocating physical violence)  into submission.  This is not to humiliate him. He is still human, albeit barely. The goal is to get him to stop. Perhaps electroshock therapy  will do the trick. Or better yet, the television stations can take away the one thing that allows him to bully people…his microphone. Free speech is not absolute. Hate speech is prohibited.  If we can take away a microphone from a shock jock that tells insensitive jokes in a calm voice, surely we can remove the microphone from a man who makes death threats and other violent threats to everybody from respected elderly U.S. Congressmen to his own little girl.


The French Presidential Election–Head vs Tail

Monday, April 23rd, 2007

There are those in America who could care less about who becomes the next President of France. If somebody flipped a coin in the air, we would yell “heads” or “tails,” and have a 50/50 shot of being right unless the coin lands on its side against the crack in the wall, which means a 3rd party candidate with no shot of winning but enough votes to upset the apple cart of sanity. This crackpot against the wall in 2002 was Pepe Le Pen.

For the first time in a long time, the French presidential election is relevant. If the French make the correct choice, they themselves might actually become relevant again as well. It will all depend if they go heads or tails.

The conservative candidate, aka the head in this race, is Nicolas Sarkozy. He is unabashaedly, unashamedly Pro-American. Stop rubbing your eyes. This is not a misprint. He is completely proud to be the P-R-O-A-M-E-R-I-C-A-N candidate. I checked the internet to see if this was illegal in France, and apprently it is not. He has told the French people to stop blaming America for all of France’s problems. Some have criticized him for being “George W. Bush’s French Poodle,” but he continues undaunted. He has criticized the French for only being willing to work a 35 hour work week. A famous joke about France is that “the 7th largest city in France is London.” People go to England because that is where the jobs are.

His most controversial speeches have been about immigration. When the LA riots hapened, liberal politicians called them “rebellions,” “insurrections,” and other namby pamby feel good terms, rather than insult actual criminals and thugs. Sarkozy refers to the rioters in his country as “scum.” He is right. They are scum. Scum needs to be removed. He is prepared to do so.

So in short, he wants to get the French to stop being arrogant, and thinking they are superior, when their nation as a whole is failing. In short, he is asking French people to stop acting French, and for France to stop acting like France. The fact that this is not hurting him in the polls shows that most French people are tired of being mired in mediocrity, and they know they have to change. America is not the problem. France is. No amount of carping about the USA has given France a better quality of life. Becoming better friends with the USA will help both nations. If French people use their heads, they will support Nicolas Sarkozy. He is the head, aka, the brain, in this race.

His socialist opponent is Segolene Royal. She makes gaffes on the campaign trail, leading many to question her competence. She is rabidly Anti-American, and she offers the same failed leftist policies that have never worked anywhere in the world at any time in history (At this point leftists are running to the internet to find a nation somewhere with 12 people where at least 7 of them are happy with a socialist government. It isn’t there).  

So what does Segolene Royal bring to the table, besides wrongheaded policy prescriptions and a clueless nature of the world? What are her positives? Well, for one, she has a smoking hot body and a gorgeous face. Yes, she is the tail in this race because she is a hot piece of one. I haven’t wanted to see a woman over 40 prancing around in her undies in an underclothing commerical since Terri Garr. Women over 40 can be sexy. Joan Collins was stunning on Dynasty. The woman’s last name is Royal. That even sounds regal. Hugh Hefner should be on the phone with her immediately. So basically, she is portrayed as an attractive airhead, which is adorable in junior high school, less so (slightly for some men) as maturity sets in (if it does).

So she should get the women’s vote because women want to make history, and Ms. Royal would be the first female president of France. Folks, she is no Margaret Thatcher, or even Angela Merkel. Yes, she is prettier than both of them, but they are tough women, aka the female versions of Sarkozy. Lady Thatcher was dignified and classy. Segolene Royal’s main talent in her interviews seems to be her long, flowing hair (since interviewers bring it up constantly).

Beauty does not automatically disqualify someone. John Edwards and Mitt Romney are glamour-boy handsome. However, if that is all they offer (John Edwards), the trail becomes difficult.

Some might find my analysis to be sexist, and insulting to women everywhere. It is supposedly wrong to sexually objectify women. No it isn’t. We admire many things in life for their outer beauty, from paintings to perfectly prepared dishes of food to fancy cars to runway models. What would be wrong would be to give favoritism to something solely for its outer beauty. If the painting was made on inferior canvas, it would not be bought. Fancy cars with broken down parts inside can sit in the garage but not be driven.

It is perfectly fine for people to admire Segolene Royal for having a great style, even if their is no substance. Playboy is not about substance. I could care less if the centerfold has an ounce of brains.

However, substance does matter when voting for a president. This is why Al Gore and John Kerry were not elected. John Kerry was ridiculed on the campaign trail as “looking French.” He even speaks fluent French, but when reporters asked him questions in French, he ignored them, lest he be seen as an accurate caricature of who he was and is.

Nicolas Sarkozy, unlike John Kerry, is not backing down. He is Pro-American, Pro-Israel, and anti-homicide bombers, whether they be Muslims or anyone else.

If French voters truly want to improve their lot, they should stop bashing Americans and start acting like us. We are not perfect, but we do alot of things right. They do alot of things wrong. If they ask for our help, they might be surprised at how receptive we are.

The French vote on May 6th. They hopefully will choose the brains inside the head of conservative Nicolas Sarkozy, rather than the incompetent socialism (redundant, I know) of the Anti-American Segolene Royal….even if she is a hot piece of tail.


My Apprentice Prediction–Time to Eat Crow

Sunday, April 22nd, 2007

I was at the finale for “The Apprentice” tonight at the Hollywood Bowl. Due to some bizarre cases of dumb luck, I ended up in the very front row, in the dead center seat. Yesterday I made my prediction of how the evening would go.

“Nicole is adorable, and if she has a Jewish twin sister I would marry that woman. However, she is quick to show her vulnerability, and might be too fragile for the job…perhaps. If I was wife hunting (actually, I am), Nicole would be a fabulous choice…but this is a job that requires a certain fight…I am not sure she has it. James is a nice guy, has great energy, but might be bouncing off the walls. I wonder if he is too independent to be part of such a structured organization. He has few weaknesses, and could win. The other woman is smart and competent, but she is so non-descript that I cannot recall her name. She has been flying under the radar. She has made no enemies, and no major mistakes. However, I am not sure she has stepped up when necessary either. She is qualified, but is not “the best of the best.”

Let’s face it. None of these candidates are Randall, but then again, not many people are. He is in another stratosphere. However, the goal is not to be the best ever…just the best this season. I am for this reason rooting for Frank. I am a Brooklyn guy, Frank is a Bronx guy. It is the same thing. Like Joe Pesci in “My Cousin Vinny,” Frank is a fighter in the boardroom. He was almost fired in the first episode, and lucked out that Martin was his opponent. He outdueled Heidi (who very well could have been the best of the bunch). Heidi seemed to be made of Teflon, but Frank simply would not give an inch. Trump may love book smarts, but he clearly admires Frank’s street smarts. Albert Einstein was a genius, but the kid on the corner playing “3 Card Monty” is the kid I want to hire. Everyone knows it’s a crooked game, and they play anyway. That is salesmanship. Frank is rough, unpolished…and tough enough for the job. He should win in a tough fight.”

Frank was the first one to go. The non-descript girl turned out to be Stefanie, and she won. If you are going to be wrong, be completely wrong. My main criticism of her was that she was “under the radar.” Hey, I am not a radar detector. Her point that she was never brought into the boardroom by anyone, and nobody had a bad word to say about her…valid points indeed. Although the job of Apprentice is an individual, Stefanie was an excellent teammate. She and James simply did a better job than Frank and Nicole according to Mr. Trump (I disagreed, which is why I am a spectator. I misjudged that as well). As for the other contestants, I got to meet them myself.

Given that I have no connection or interest in the entertainment industry, I was surprised to be in the front row. I was even more surprised to be on stage afterwards. Heidi is as confident and self assured as she appears, and sadly enough is taller than I expected. Tim is an incredibly nice guy. I told him that even though he did not win the job, he won Nicole, which would matter a lot in the long run. He agreed. I met James and his wife, and I told them they had great kids. I told Carey that even though I am heterosexual and he is not, I agreed with him that guys should be totally comfortable wearing pink. He laughed, and we both agreed life, even in the boardroom, should be fun. Surya and Aaron were both nice guys, and very personable.

The only thing I got right was my assessment of Nicole. She is beyond adorable. I told her in front of her friend that if she has a Jewish twin sister, I know 100,000 guys including myself who are interested. She laughed and said she could always convert. Tim needs to marry this woman immediately.

I met several past winners and near winners. Alla is a fiery Russian, who almost won one year. I told her my favorite Russian story, and she liked it. I chatted with Kendra, and she was very nice. I spoke with Randall for several minutes. He is every bit as impressive as he comes across.

Trump’s right hand man George is a likable curmudgeon. I told him he was even tougher than Mr. Trump in the boardroom, and he responded he was just “telling it like it is.”

As for Mr. Trump himself, I met him and spoke to him for maybe 30 seconds. I thanked him for cleaning Rosie O’Donnell’s clock. Somebody needed to do so.

I managed to do something that none of the candidates got to do…sit in Mr. Trump’s chair. There were still a lot of people on stage, and I made myself comfortable. I even pointed towards some of the defeated candidates, and said “I’ll give you a second chance.” They thanked me, as I acknowledged that my gesture, despite sitting in the chair, was meaningless.

Lastly, I got to meet Stefani. I told her that I had her picked fourth, and I would be honored if she checked out my blog so she could see me eat a healthy heaping of crow. She looks like this delicate little flower, but she is a fierce litigator and a karate student. The biggest mistake anyone can make is to underestimate someone else just because they are quiet. The only thing keeping me from totally feeling foolish is that 17 other contestants overlooked her as well.

It was an enjoyable evening despite my predictions being dead wrong. I look forward to another season of The Apprentice.

Now if only Nicole (dreamy sigghhhhh) would convert to Judaism and…

Oh well…perhaps next season.


Donald Trump & The Apprentice–America at our best

Saturday, April 21st, 2007

On Friday my father successfully came through open heart surgery. I flew from LA to South Florida Friday night, saw him on Saturday, and am flying back to LA Sunday morning. With the biggest worry my family has faced in years now in the rear view mirror (Much thanks God…again), my attention focuses to the Finale of “The Apprentice.”

It is time for Mr. Trump to fire 3 more people, and tell the last remaining applicant “You’re Hired.”

While Mr. Trump has always been a controversial public figure, I admit that I simply like the man.

I met Donald Trump in the 1990s. He was in Los Angeles promoting his book “The Art of the Comeback.” He was back from the financial trouble he encountered in the early 1990s, and he was back on top. On the back of his book cover he blames himself for his near total fall. He states that he stopped working hard, and that everything came easy, and he took it for granted. He says with much candor that if he had maintained the same work ethic in the 1990s as he did in the 1970s and 1980s, there would have been no recession for him. Far from being the egomaniac some wish to portray him as, he was quite self critical.

As for his book signing, while he was a celebrity in New York, this was not the case in Los Angeles. He was not a movie or television star. He was just a guy who we knew was famous in New York for something involving business. The line to see him was only about 30 people, and the rain might have played a role. When it came time for him to autograph my book, I took out an 8 by 11 piece of paper and wrote, “Dear Mr. Trump. In return, here is my autograph. I am sure you will find it valuable. Cherish it always. Sincerely, Eric.” He laughed and looked at his press secretary with a perplexed look and said “Fair is fair, he gave me HIS autograph.” He asked me to watch him on Leno, but I explained to him that as a New Yorker, he should be on Letterman. I actually had Trump on the defensive. He asked me this once to watch Leno, and I said I would this once, but next time it should be Letterman. My friend reminded me not to hassle the poor billionaire. This conversation could not take place today. Trump is a television star, and 3-5 minutes is a lifetime.

Despite this exchange, my admiration for Trump is that he has spent his life building. Not just buildings, but people. As talented a dealmaker as he is, he is not an island. He has talented people around him, and he has selected most of them. The Apprentice is not “Fear Factor.” He does not humiliate or degrade his applicants. He pushes them hard. Some of them crack, and some rise to the challenge. He simply wants top talent.

Some people do not like Donald Trump, and their reasons are flimsy. When gossip columnist (Only in America could that be an actual job. Jewish people call gossip “Loshon Hara,” which is a sin) Liz Smith noted his pending divorce from Ivana Trump, she coldly stated “He is rich. He’ll get over it.” The man is a human being. He feels pain like anyone else. He has had close people he cared about die tragically and well before their time. He has had two divorces, and it is a painful process for anyone. His oldest children have turned out remarkably well, and he absolutely has to be given some of the credit for that.

Rosie “Queen of Morona” O’Donnell lambasted him for giving a Miss America winner with a drug problem a second chance. His motives were attacked, as if he did it just for publicity. Folks, Donald Trump has publicity when he walks out of his apartment. Besides, even if that argument were given credence, doing the right thing for the wrong reasons is still doing the right thing. Trump did something positive. Unlike many moguls who shove people under buses, he showed a forgiving nature. He has carried this attitude onto the Apprentice. When a contestant has had several victories, and then has a bad loss, they often survive. Trump looks at the big picture, and one loss does not make one a loser.

Trump also has a diversified group of winners, and not due to any forced quota program. Randall Pinkett did not win because he is black. He won because he was one of the most impressive individuals on Earth. The guy has 5 degrees, is a self made multimillionaire, and was so far above the other 17 candidates that I regret not putting my money where my predictive mouth was. He cleaned their clocks, as expected. Kendra’s being a woman did not get her the job. Her being smart and sharp did. Trump likes degrees, but he has given street smarts their due as well. In short, if you can show you are top talent, Trump will give you a chance.

Another reason to like him is that when someone gives him an argument that makes sense, he will back down. When he questioned one finalist why she dropped out of college (he does not like quitters), the woman responded that she dropped out to get married and raise a family, and she was raising four wonderful children. Trump immediately withdrew his objection, and said that her reason was a fine answer. When he told one young contestant that he hated tobacco (the kid was caught chewing in front of youngsters), the contestant promised to quit on the spot, and have people monitor him. Trump was very impressed that someone would be that bold. While he noted that this would be very difficult, the young man did not back down. Trump likes discipline, and this was an act of discipline. That week the young man was spared.

As we get down to the final four, I will make my prediction. Nicole is adorable, and if she has a Jewish twin sister I would marry that woman. However, she is quick to show her vulnerability, and might be too fragile for the job…perhaps. If I was wife hunting (actually, I am), Nicole would be a fabulous choice…but this is a job that requires a certain fight…I am not sure she has it. James is a nice guy, has great energy, but might be bouncing off the walls. I wonder if he is too independent to be part of such a structured organization. He has few weaknesses, and could win. The other woman is smart and competent, but she is so non-descript that I cannot recall her name. She has been flying under the radar. She has made no enemies, and no major mistakes. However, I am not sure she has stepped up when necessary either. She is qualified, but is not “the best of the best.”

Let’s face it. None of these candidates are Randall, but then again, not many people are. He is in another stratosphere. However, the goal is not to be the best ever…just the best this season. I am for this reason rooting for Frank. I am a Brooklyn guy, Frank is a Bronx guy. It is the same thing. Like Joe Pesci in “My Cousin Vinny,” Frank is a fighter in the boardroom. He was almost fired in the first episode, and lucked out that Martin was his opponent. He outdueled Heidi (who very well could have been the best of the bunch). Heidi seemed to be made of Teflon, but Frank simply would not give an inch. Trump may love book smarts, but he clearly admires Frank’s street smarts. Albert Einstein was a genius, but the kid on the corner playing “3 Card Monty” is the kid I want to hire. Everyone knows it’s a crooked game, and they play anyway. That is salesmanship. Frank is rough, unpolished…and tough enough for the job. He should win in a tough fight.

Many of my friends have asked me why I do not try to become the next Apprentice. I explain to them that while I have a deep admiration for Mr. Trump, I have no passion for real estate. My passion is the stockbrokerage industry. Trump is not hiring someone to run one of his securities portfolios. He is hiring someone to build real estate projects. I have no knowledge or interest in that field. Also, I detest golf. I do not have the patience for it. I play miniature golf, where the toughest part is getting the ball through the windmill.

Lastly, working for Mr. Trump takes a certain desire that I might not possess. Randall’s grandmother died, and Trump was incredibly classy in flying him to the funeral and back in time for the next task. Randall could have quit, and no one would have criticized him. As I said earlier, my father just had open heart surgery, and the only reason I am attending the taping of the finale is because my father is absolutely ok. Mr. Trump has had much financial success, but at the heavy price of two divorces. I am not assigning blame, but to balance such an intense work schedule with a healthy family life is very difficult, and even a talented man like Donald Trump could not balance it all. Business won out. I do not have his finances, but I have had the same friends my whole life, and can see them whenever I want. My weekends are free to watch the ballgame. My boss does not have me on call 24/7. I do not have to wake up at 4am for business meetings. Good nights of sleep truly are priceless.

Having said all of that, Mr. Trump is what America is all about. By motivating top talent to reach their already incredible potential, he helps himself, his company, and the individuals he hires. Even those who do not win are not losers. He reminds them that they are the top 18 out of one million, and most of them go on to bigger fortunes just by competing on the show. It is one thing to make yourself successful. It is another to bring success to others. In Judaism, the greatest level of charity is helping someone else help themselves, aka teaching them to fish. Learning business from Mr. Trump is a top rate Apprenticeship, whether done on his show or at one of his companies far away from the spotlight.

People who meet him are better off. I look forward to meeting him again, and this time I promise to be less sarcastic. I wish him much success, because he brings success to many others. If he offers me a job, I will be gracious. If he asks me to play golf, I will be polite and steer him towards miniature. The bottom line is my liking of him is not because of his power. It is because he comes across to me as a genuinely nice, smart guy who does a lot of good for a lot of people, including himself.

I wish him well, and if he has as much power as everyone thinks, he will introduce me to Nicole so I can convert her to Judaism and give her dad some burnt offerings for her hand. My lord she is adorable.


Smaller worries I am welcome to have

Saturday, April 21st, 2007

My father had open heart surgery yesterday. He came through it like a champion. It was a single bypass, and with much thanks to God, and the incredible doctors and nurses on call, he will be fine.

My intention was to stay in Los Angeles and not fly to Florida, where my parents live. My father has always believed in honoring one’s responsibilities. I have a job in Los Angeles, and he gave orders not to fly out. Some parents nag their children and make them feel guilty for living their own lives. My parents do just the opposite. They expect me to honor my commitments, wherever they may be. I am not a doctor, so dropping everything to fly 3000 miles for one day was not to be done.

When my boss asked me why I was not going, he let me know that I was making the wrong decision. He said that if I took a Friday night redeye flight to Florida, I could come back Sunday morning, and still be at work on Monday. I told him that my parents did not want that, and he then said something I never expected any person, much less an employer to say. “I am ordering you to go, and I am paying for the ticket.”

Bosses don’t do this. They are supposed to be cold heartless individuals who use employees up and spit them out. Or maybe, like you and me, bosses come in all shapes and sizes. Some are good, others less so. I am still stunned by this act of generosity.

I arrived in South Florida this morning, and got to spend several hours with my father, and more time with my mother. My father was shocked to see me, and while he expressed that he told me not to come, he spent most of the day saying he was glad to see me (which my boss predicted). As for my mother, I scared her half to death by calling at 7am. She thought it was the hospital. It was me explaining that I was in South Florida, not LA, and that I would be arriving in minutes. I am not one to make a habit of just dropping by, especially not from 3000 miles away.

My father watched the news today, like he normally does. He is concerned that liberals will try to use the Virginia Tech tragedy to institute more gun control laws. He thinks illegal immigration is out of control. He worries about the future of America. I told him that I could turn off the news if it would stress him out. He said that was not necessary. When my dad is at home, this is what he is concerned with. While he is not “fine,” in the sense that he just had open heart surgery, he is well enough to go back to having smaller worries.

I have to fly back to LA in several hours, and then get enough sleep to make it to the Hollywood Bowl to attend the “Apprentice” Finale. I hope Mr. Donald Trump likes my necktie. It will be one from his collection. On Monday, I have alot of work to do at the office. I worry that traffic might be a problem, because there is no way I am going to be a minute late after the way my boss helped me see my family this weekend. Then on Thursday I head to New York, where I worry that the Oakland Raiders might totally mess up their draft choice at the NFL draft.

I have never been happier to have these worries. My father is resting comfortably. While I knew this a day ago, I got to see it for myself.

There are many inconsequential things I have wanted to write about, but between my father’s condition and the Virginia Tech massacre, I was unable to do so. It is ok to put life on hold temporarily, but normalcy must return. For me, that time is now.

The Tygrrrr Express has many things to blog about, and I worry that the quality might not be there. I am thrilled that this is my biggest worry, and with my father being healthy and my focus returning, I am up to the challenge.

I love you mom and dad, and I am glad I came, even for such a short time. Now I need to get back to LA. Mr. Trump, I am ready for my close-up…assuming I get some sleep on the plane.