Archive for December, 2008

Please visit my 2008 friends

Wednesday, December 31st, 2008

As time ticks and the clock clicks from 2008 to 2009, I will not be offering any words of wisdom, or wistfulness. I will not be waxing nostalgic, poetic, or philosophic.

The best of the year was meeting the Chicago Cannonball.

The worst was losing my grandmother.

Everything else pales by comparison.

All I will say is that it takes a ton of people to make the Tygrrrr Express the success it has become.

Some of these people I interact with daily. Some, only a handful of times a year.

Nevertheless, every person I have ever interacted with online, whether liberal or conservative, pro or anti-football, or any other category that escapes me, is significant.

I recently watched the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life” for the very first time. I found it incredibly moving.

So for those of you who wonder if you affected anybody in a positive way, let me emphatically state that yes you absolutely did.

Below is my blogroll. Please visit all of these people at some time. To those on the blogroll, thank you, and may 2009 be the best year you have ever had.

For those that drop by but do not blog for yourselves, your visits are thrilling for me.

God Bless you all, and may my internet friends appreciate each other collectively as much as I appreciate them individually. Most people have a link that is the same as the title of their site. For those that do not, I left the title and the link. Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Sports
America can only be right Politics–Conservative

America, America Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

An American Expat in Southeast Asia Politics–Conservative

An Ol’ Broad’s Ramblings Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

Anti-Antediluvian Politics–Conservative

Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler Politics–Conservative Politics–International

Arra News Service Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Miscellaneous Politics–Conservative Politics–International Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

Big Dog’s Weblog Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative MILITARY Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Liberal Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Miscellaneous

Braden’s take on the matter Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

Cary Wesberry Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

Casey’s Critical Thinking Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

Centerfield Sportsbar / Linwood Pizza Miscellaneous Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

Conservative Blog Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

Counting Sheep Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

Dime a Dozen Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

Don’t get me started Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Comedy Politics–Conservative

Medical Miscellaneous Politics–Conservative MILITARY

Emet M’Tstiyon Politics–Jewish

Energy Now Politics–Conservative SPORTS Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

Flipping the Word Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

For Zion’s Sake Politics–Jewish Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

Politics Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

Politics Politics–Conservative

Radio Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

Hard To Swallow Politics–Conservative Miscellaneous Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Jewish Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

Ideas From Free Minds Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–International Politics–Jewish Politics–Jewish

Ivo Vegter Politics–Conservative Comedy Politics–Conservative Politics–Jewish

Jewish Republicans of Colorado Politics–Jewish Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Jewish SPORTS Politics–Liberal Politics–Conservative Miscellaneous Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

Politics Politics–Conservative

Politics Politics–Jewish Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

Mickelson in the morning Miscellaneous

Miguel Diocuore’s CERRCO Politics–Conservative

Moinansari Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

My turn to sound off Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

Neocons United Politics–Conservative SPORTS Politics–Conservative

No Compromise Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Liberal

Nuke’s News and Views Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

Ogre’s Politics and Views Politics–Conservative

One Sniper Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

Operation Gratitude MILITARY Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–International Politics–Conservative

Patriotic Action Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Comedy Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

Radiant Times Politics–Conservative Politics–Liberal Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Comedy

Rene’s Ramblings Politics–Conservative

Republican Jewish Coalition Politics–Jewish
Republican Ranting Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

Rick Roberts 760AM KFMB San Diego–I want my country Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

Right Turns Politics–Conservative
Right Wing Conspirator Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Comedy Politics–Conservative MILITARY Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative MILITARY Politics–Conservative Politics–Jewish

States’ Rights Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

Sunken Arcadia Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

Take Our Country Back Politics–Conservative Politics–Jewish

The Adult Sports League SPORTS

The American Freedom Network Politics–Conservative

The American Poet Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

The Black and White Report Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

The Conservative MindCleaner Politics–Conservative Politics–Liberal Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Miscellaneous Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative SPORTS Politics–Conservative Comedy

The Pakistani Spectator Politics–International Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

The world according to Greg Politics–Liberal Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

This isn’t your mother’s blog Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

Title of Liberty Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Jewish Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

US 2008 Election Controversies Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative MILITARY Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

Wake up America Politics–Conservative

Wayne Allyn Root Miscellaneous

Whaddya Know Politics–Conservative

What? Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative Politics–Conservative

You betcha I’m a proud Army mom MILITARY Politics–Conservative Comedy Politics–Jewish

Happy 2009 everybody!


Israel Cracks Down

Tuesday, December 30th, 2008

Israel has been on the verge of losing its very life.

Israel is finally acting like it.

Israel has had enough. Fake dialogue, pointless meetings, useless photo ops, and worthless diplomacy have now gone up in thick, black, Gaza smoke.

Israel has cracked down.

It’s about time.

The most miserable group of individuals to ever inhabit the Earth have finally pushed too far.

The best part about the conflagration that will hopefully break the terrorists in Gaza once and for all is that no matter what happens, conservatives cannot be blamed.

George W. Bush is staying out of the way. That is what he is supposed to do in this situation.

Ariel Sharon is in a coma.

Benjamin “Bibi” Netanyahu is not currently in power.

No, a leftist peacenik Prime Minister is waging war.

This is fabulous. Even a peacenik has had enough.

Ehud Ohlmert is waging war. Ehud Barack is justifying the war.

At this rate, everybody to the right of Leon Trotsky or Barbara Boxer will be supporting the war.

Even liberal Jews in America, who live to hate President Bush, Vice President Cheney, and Ariel Sharon, are quietly thinking that maybe, just maybe, sometimes, war absolutely is the answer.

Part of this comes in the form of a natural political dichotomy. The rest is about common sense.

The political dichotomy grows naturally out of the fact that to govern effectively anywhere other than in a dictatorship, being somewhere near the center is vital.

Governing coalitions are fragile, and it is easier to win back die hard core loyalists than disaffected moderates.

This is why republicans get elected, and move to the left to survive. Conversely, democrats move to the right.

While on domestic policy this can be done with a certain amount of blurring the lines, there is nothing blurry about issues of war and peace.

Only conservatives can be trusted to make peace.

Only Richard Nixon could have gone to China.

Only Ariel Sharon, a lifelong warrior, could have been trusted to order the pullout from Gaza.

As a proud hardliner on Israel (as if that is a bad thing or that any other position makes sense morally and strategically), the idea of giving up land is normally a non-starter for me. You win a war, you keep the land. Period. Otherwise, America should give Texas back to Mexico and Florida back to Spain.

Yet I supported the Gaza pullout for no other reason than I trusted Ariel Sharon. “The Bulldozer” would not sell Israel down the river.

Nobody that matters can say that about liberal politicians. Most of them in recent years have been weasels that talked out of both sides of their mouth. Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and John Kerry stood for everything, which meant they stood for nothing. They looked at the polls to tell them what they believed. They offered meaningless blather and platitudes about “aggressive diplomacy,” “tough diplomacy,” and “more sensitive wars,” as if any of those phrases are less contradictory than “Jews for Jesus.”

Israeli liberals are even worse. Yitzchak Rabin agreed to the awful Oslo deal in 1993. Ehud Barak was ready to give away 97% of Israel in 2000. In 2006 Ehud Ohlmert was willing to accidentally get something right before bungling it in the grand tradition of leftist weakness.

Yet despite those failures, Ohlmert was given latitude to wage a 34 day war against Arab terrorism.

This is because liberals are allowed to wage war.

When a conservative wages war, they are referred to as imperialists, Nazis, fascists, dictators, and every other slur under the planet. If liberals want to stop being referred to as peacenik wimps, they need to stop demonizing conservatives as warmongers. They also need to stop acting like peacenik wimps.

Liberals are allowed to wage wars that should make conservatives green with envy.

Barack Obama could drop bombs the day after he is inaugurated, and the left will keep quiet. The left watched Bill Clinton bomb Iraq and Serbia. They also witnessed the disgrace that was Somalia.

The theory is simple. When liberals think somebody or something is bad, then it must be really really bad.

When liberals do not trust diplomacy, then diplomacy cannot happen.

The problem is that waiting for the left to finally give up their hyper-tolerant attitude is often the difference between winning with low casualties and losing with much larger casualties.

Nevertheless, liberals care about winning elections with a passion that conservatives save for killing terrorists. If a conservative is in power, it is beneficial for the left if the war is a failure. Democrats rode the discontent in Iraq to victory in 2006, and less so in 2008. The discontent did not come from the people. The discontent came from the media and the democrats. They forced bad news down the throats of Americans, despite the fact that the bad news was mostly lies.

Yet when a liberal is in power, the desire to win elections requires that wars be won. Sheer expediency allows the left to do the right thing, even if for cynical, naked, politically calculating reasons.

When a conservative is in power, winning wars is not allowed because giving that conservative an ounce of credit makes liberals angrier than the war itself.

Getting beyond the political dichotomy is the issue of common sense.

No nation should have to face 9/11 horrors on a daily basis.

There is no moral equivalence between a nation trying to defend itself and a cluster of murderous monsters looking to destroy another nation.

There is no equality between Arabs that live freely in Israel and Jewish populations in Arab Muslim nations approaching zero for fear of being murdered.

There is no parallel between a democracy and the murderous dictatorships that surround it.

Conservatives have always understood this. Liberals, slowly but surely, are running out of excuses.

The liberal vision was tried. It failed.

It failed in 1993 with that pathetic Oslo agreement that Arab murderers never honored.

It failed in 2000 when Israel voluntarily left Lebanon. The reward for this painful concession was more terror.

It failed when Israel gave up Gaza and the Palestinians refused to stop murdering Jews, instead offering more terror.

We tried liberalism. It failed, and failed, and failed, and failed and failed.

Oh, and then it failed.

Some liberals have finally woken up.

Monday, Israel’s defense minister said the nation was in an “all-out war” with Hamas, the Palestinian militant group that rules Gaza.

“We have stretched our hand in peace many times to the Palestinian people. We have nothing against the people of Gaza, but this is an all-out war against Hamas and its branches.”

That was Ehud Barack. He is no right winger. He is a leftist that has simply had enough.

Yet some liberals still have not had the senselessness beaten out of them.

Some organizations simply exist solely for the purposes of despising America and Israel.

U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-moonbat had this lovely anti-Semitic gem:

“While recognizing Israel’s right to defend itself, I have also condemned the excessive use of force by Israel in Gaza. The suffering caused to civilian populations as a result of the large-scale violence and destruction that have taken place over the past few days has saddened me profoundly.”

What saddens me profoundly is that the United Nations is a sad organization that has never offered anything profound.

Excessive? Disproportionate? Israel has lost 6 people, and the defective Arabs in Gaza have lost 375. That means that for every Jew killed, 62.5 Palestinians have been liberated to their land of blood stained virgins.

Let’s look at it differently. There are one billion Arab Muslims. There are 14 million Jews. By those calculations, the 6 Jewish lives are worth 415,000 Palestinians. If a 7th Jewish person is murdered, Palestinians should lose an even half of one million.

So yes, the losses are excessive and disproportionate against the Jews.

In Medieval times, families would have 14 children because they expected 7 of them to die due to diptheria or other illnesses. Nowadays Palestinians breed more children because losing some of them to homicide bombings they instigate is factored in!

Palestinians, as a whole, overall, do not value human life.

Are there individual Palestinians that value life? Absolutely? Are they sufficient in percentages? Absolutely not. As a collective, they are a genocidal society.

For those that want to make me aware of all the positive contributions that Palestinians bring to this world, I would love to see the research.

So am I advocating killing them all?

No. I am offering them an opportunity. They can give true peace a legitimate try, or they can choose war.

If they choose war, then the nation of Israel has every right to defend itself and win the war, with no exceptions.

A common expression is that liberals in America become conservatives after they get mugged.

Liberals in Israel have been mugged, beaten, raped, tortured, and savaged.

They have had enough. They wanted to be liberals. They saw what happened. They can’t stand it any more.

American liberals reached that point after Pearl Harbor, and gave a liberal President wide latitude.

Ehud Ohlmert needs more than wide latitude. He needs unrestricted, limitless latitude.

Then he needs to summon up the courage and bravery of Ariel Sharon and get the job done right.

Only then can somebody like Bibi Netanyahu be trusted to make a peace agreement that truly does lead to a lasting peace.

Until then, if Palestinians want avoid losing 500,000 people, they should make sure that 6 murdered Jews does not become unlucky 7.

After all, fair is fair, and Israel needs to be proportionate.


Israel Must Obliterate Gaza Now

Monday, December 29th, 2008

Israel is launching a massive offensive against Hamas.

The only thing offensive is that Hamas still exists.

Israel has until January 20th to obliterate Gaza. They need to act now. They need to do an imitation of General Tecumseh Sherman and march straight to the sea, razing everything in sight.

The window is now. Once the first Jewish man ever to become President, George W. Bush, leaves office, all bets are off.

Now I know liberals, especially liberal Jews, say they care about Israel. It just depends on what the meaning of “care” is. It is not that they are anti-Israel, although liberal non-Jews they worship are often anti-Semites. It is that liberal Jews care about trees, bunny rabbits, and zygotes more.

Ask them what they are passionate about. Liberal Jews fly into rages over global warming/cooling/climate change, or whatever it is this week. They will take to the streets over abortion, despite the fact that most of them will never have one. Yet when asked about the situation in Israel, the same level of passion is not there. They use words such as “unfortunate,” “sad,” and even “tragic.”

Those are shoulder shrugging words. Those are words that imply that a situation should not be the way it is, but that nothing can be done to change it. It plays into the worst stereotypes of Jews as agonizing, pathetic weaklings that wring their hands and worry endlessly to no positive effect. Jews being murdered should be a bigger worry than whether or not the eldest daughter over 30 will finally marry a doctor.

Try telling a liberal that restrictions on abortion or gay marriage are “unfortunate,” and watch their face split. It is called a conniption, and liberals are capable of feeling actual emotions.

When they care about a cause, they will get passionate. The problem is not their inability to get passionate. They just pick the wrong causes.

The situation in Israel today, particularly with regards to Gaza, is not “unfortunate.” Unfortunate implies “unpreventable.”

The solution is to let Israel do everything and anything it needs to do at any moment…ALWAYS.

Bill Clinton invited terrorist and murderer Arafat to sleep at the White House. President George W. Bush allowed Ariel Sharon to sideline Arafat in his compound until his shameful death.

Bill Clinton brought us that idiotic peace agreement at Oslo in 1993. Whether it be Neville Chamberlain declaring “Peace in our time” in the 1930s, or Bill Clinton forcing Yitzchak Rabin to shake a murderer’s hand in 1993 and give the murderer 97% of Israel in 2000, the meaning is the same.

Agreements mean nothing when they are unenforceable. Agreements are unenforceable when lying and cheating is beneficial. North Korea in 1994 is another example of liberals celebrating meaningless agreements.

Liberals lose sleep over the fact that America might not always be “liked.” Liberal Jews are like the hated kids in school crying to anyone who will listen, “Please like me. I will give you my lunch money, just promise to like me.”

Conservatives have a different approach. “You come at me with a knife, I pull out a revolver. You bring a revolver, I bring a machine gun.”

Right now the Palestinians need blue and white bazookas shoved up their hides.

For those in the Jewish community that disagree, an experiment is necessary.

Go up to a random liberal Jew and deck them in the face for no reason. Just punch them. One of two things will then happen. The most pathetic of them will try to talk to you, and understand what you did and why you did it. Maybe they can change you and make you a better person. Heck, if you change, they might even buy you a drink, invite you over for Sabbath dinner, and pat themselves on the back for making you a better person. They may get lucky, but most likely something bad will then happen to their wife, children, and expensive possessions.

This is called the “root causes” approach. It is successful 0% of the time, unless success is defined as employing more sociologists.

A second occurrence is that the liberal Jew might forget momentarily that they are a liberal. They will realize they are in a fight, and do what people in a fight should do…they will actually fight.

What a novel concept.

I have applied this to my daily life. I treat people with kindness until they give me a reason to not deserve this kindness. Those that threaten my livelihood get scorched Earth in return. I do not care if I go down as long as I burn the entire village.

The result of this is that I lead a happy life.

Let me explain why Palestinian Arabs murder Jews. I do not have a PHD in uselessology, but here is the reason.


Water is wet, the sun rises in the East, Palestinians murder Jews. They do it for sport. The murder is the end result, not the means. They murder “just because.” The word Palestinian should be a verb. To “Go Palestinian” on somebody means to blow them up.

Now some liberal Jews at this point will wail and bleat about how not all Palestinians are terrorists, and how Hamas is the real problem. Who the heck elected Hamas? Also, does anybody think Fatah is less murderous?

Polls show that 80% of Palestinians support the struggle against Israel. Fine, 80% of their society is disgusting. My heart does not bleed for the other 20%. 4/5 of a wretched society is too much. In short, decent and humane Palestinians are the aberration. Bloodthirsty murderous ones are the norm.

Liberal Jews love to wring their hands. That is not a solution. That accomplishes nothing. Photo ops accomplish nothing. Handshakes with murderers accomplish nothing.

Wars end when one side says, “We cannot win.”

The solution is to take the Palestinians, and break them. They must be destroyed physically, structurally, and most importantly, psychologically.

Jews must stop providing humanitarian aid to the children of murderers. Stop providing electricity. Stop sending in medical help.

Let their “brothers,” the Arabs, handle it. There are 22 Arab states. If Egypt or Jordan want to provide supplies to Israel, that can be negotiated.

Not one dollar of Jewish money should be given to the savages in Gaza.

The goal of a war is to win.

It is bad enough that liberals in San Francisco, Malibu, and Manhattan will do whatever it takes to prevent America from remaining safe. After all, why not gut the Patriot Act and eliminate FISA Courts, and close Guantanamo Bay? Who needs those things? They make America look bad, and as everybody in liberal land knows, appearances matter more than results.

Israel still has hope. It knows what Americans on the left refuse to admit. The only solution to winning a war is overwhelming brute force.

The left will rail about President Bush, but they have no alternative solutions, unless doing imitations of ostriches counts.

Even Ehud Ohlmert is starting to understand this. Having rockets rain down on a daily basis can have an effect. Even he is starting to get it.

So let me explain to liberals, particularly those in the Jewish community, what actually matters.

Genocidal lunatics destroy trees, bunny rabbits, and zygotes. Yes, terrorists that blow up innocent humans also blow up flora and fauna. Homicide bombers are terrible for foliage. They kill animals. As for homosexuals, let’s just say that Hamas is not moderate on gay rights issues.

The real problem is that liberals do not know the difference between opponents and enemies.

Republicans, conservatives, and President George W. Bush are not enemies. They are opponents.

Palestinian homicide bombers are enemies. Enemies use women and children as shields. Those women and children then become “collateral damage.”

Too d@mn bad. People die in war. If the Palestinians were to stop fighting, they would be shocked at how quickly Israel agreed to peace.

Palestinians want to wipe Israel off of the map. This requires self defense. It requires never again giving them the chance to do this.

Cease fires are used by Palestinians to rearm themselves. Who helps Hamas? The so called “innocent and peaceful” Palestinians that supply the food and lodging for the terrorists. They are just as culpable.

On January 20th, a cool, aloof, detached President and a Secretary of State that cares only about herself will fiercely protect and defend Israel provided that polls and their opinions at that moment tell them to do so.

They are not anti-Israel. They are just “neutral.”

Neutral is not good enough.

Israelis know this. That is why 70% of Israelis support George W. Bush.

As for President Bush, the nonsensical notion that he supports Israel because of rapture and revelation is just pure anti-Christian bigotry, another part of the liberal platform.

President Bush supports Israel and despises Hamas because it is the only decent, humane position.

As for liberals, wring your hands and worry all you want. Just be silent for once and get out of the way.

In three more weeks, Israel may be forced to sit down and talk to murderous monsters.

If they kill enough savages before then, they will have less to worry about.

The clock is ticking like a Palestinian homicide bomber.

Get to work Israel. Your window of pursuing the only feasible option to survival is closing, and your fellow Jews will be the ones sabotaging you in the name of peace.

Yes, I am part of the other 20%, but just like Palestinians, that is not good enough. All you see is the 80% that are part of the problem.

It is time to give Hamas leaders and their supporters three weeks worth of rocket launcher enemas.


NFL 2008–Week 17 Recap

Sunday, December 28th, 2008

The final night of Hanukkah ends with the final night of the NFL regular season. Beginning and ending the holiday with my other religion of football is more than any man should be allowed to ask for.

Although he is still not Jewish, for the final time in 2008 I offer the words of retired defensive standout John Randle.


The steaks are fired up, the big screen is ready, and at this point there is nothing to do but get down to the head knocking.

My column yesterday contains all the playoff permutations and combinations.

St. Louis Rams @ Atlanta Falcons–The 10-5 Falcons came in needing a win and a Carolina loss to grab the # 2 seed. Otherwise, they would be the # 5 seed. Matt Ryan led the Falcons down the field on their first drive, leading to a field goal. Yet Marc Bulger led the Rams right back, and on 3rd and 2 from the Atlanta 4, Stephen Jackson barreled over a couple defenders and stretched the ball just over the goal line to put the Rams up 7-3.

With 9 minutes left in the half, the Rams faced 4th and 3 at the Atlanta 34. Bulger was sacked for a loss, allowing the Falcons to start at their own 45. A 41 yard pass to Jenkins set up a 9 yard Michael Turner touchdown run and a 10-7 Falcons lead. Yet Bulger brought the Rams back 81 yards in 11 plays. A 16 yard touchdown pass to Avery had the Rams up 14-10 with only 32 seconds left in the half. Yet these are the Rams. A deep kickoff was returned 92 yards by Jerrius Norwood to the Rams 8. Norwood ran it in himself 2 plays later for the touchdown to have the Falcons up 17-14 at halftime.

The Falcons took the second half kickoff and began at their own 25. Turner picked up 17 yards, and then Ryan hit White for 22 more. Turner picked up runs of 10 and 8, and Ryan then hit White for the 18 yard touchdown pass to put the Falcons up 24-14. Bulger brought the Rams right back, yet on 3rd and 2 from the Atlanta 15, Stephen Jackson came up short. On 4th and 1, Coach Jim Haslett decided to kick the field goal. At 2-13, going for it made sense. The field goal had the Rams within 24-17. After a punt, the Rams took over at their own 38. Bulger hit Torry Holt for a 33 yard gain. Stephen Jackson scored from 2 yards out to tie the game 24-24 with 13 minutes remaining in the game.

Ryan was the intercepted, giving the Rams the ball at the Atlanta 22. This led to a field goal, and with 6 1/2 minutes remaining the Rams led 27-24. Yet Jerrius Norwodd broke through for a 45 yard touchdown to put the Falcons back on top by 4 points with 3:41 left. The earlier decision to kick a field goal rather than go for it on 4th and 1 was looming large.

The Rams took over at their own 20. Bulger hit Klopfenstein at midfield, and Jackson broke off runs of 14 and 8 to have the Rams facing 2nd and 2 at the Atlanta 22 at the 2 minute warning.  A sack and a pair of incomplete passes prevented the upset. The Rams finished 2-14, while the Falcons clinched the # 5 seed and awaited the results of the Carolina game with New Orleans to see about the # 2 seed. 31-27 Falcons

New England Patriots @ Buffalo Bills–The 10-5 Patriots needed a win and a Baltimore loss to make the playoffs, or a win and Miami loss to win their division. A loss eliminated them. On New England’s second possession, Matt Cassel led New England to a 33 yard field goal by Stephen Gostowski. In the second quarter, a Buffalo field goal attempt was no good when swirling winds made the kick look like a golf slice. New England also had a field goal attempt get blown wide, as the game remained 3-0 at halftime.

The key play of the game came in the third quarter when Trent Edwards was sacked, resulting in a fumble. New England began at the Buffalo 43. On 3rd and 1 from the 24, Lamont Jordan lost a yard. With field goals virtually impossible, Cassel picked up 6 yards on 4th and 2. On 4th and 5 from the 14, Bill Bellichick again decided to go for it, and Cassell hit Wes Welker for 12 yards, setting up Jordan from 2 yards out for the game’s only touchdown. The 11-5 Patriots kept the Jets from winning the division, but now had to await the games in Baltimore and Miami. 13-0 Patriots

Kansas City Chiefs @ Cincinnati Bengals–NFL rules require that this game not be canceled. The NFL does not require me to give it much coverage. The Bengals kicked a field goal in the first quarter, and a 2 yard Cedric Benson run in the second quarter had the Bengals up 10-0. Fitzzpatrick then led a 16 play, 8 minute drive that moved from the Cincinnati 7 to the Kansas City 10. Yet a field goal was all that was added, as the Bengals led 13-0 at halftime. The Bengals added a late field goal before surrendering a garbage touchdown. The Chiefs finished 2-14 while the Bengals, after starting 1-11-1, won their last 3 games. 16-6 Bengals

Chicago Bears @ Houston Texans–The 9-6 Bears needed a win and a Minnesota loss to win their division, or a win and losses by Dallas and Tampa Bay to make the playoffs. Kyle Orton led an 11 play, 80 yard drive that took 5 1/2 minutes. Orton hit Brandon Lloyd for a 4 yard touchdown to put the Bears up 7-0. A controversial fumble then had the Bears set up at the Houston 38, leading to a field goal and a 10-0 lead.

In the second quarter the Texans took over at their own 12. Schaub fired passes to Andre Johnson of 17 and 12 yards, before launching a 43 yard touchdown pass to Johnson to make it a 10-7 game. The Bears fumbled the ensuing kickoff, giving the Texans the bal at the Chicago 38. Schaub hit Johnson from 3 yards out to give the Texans the 14-10 lead at the break.

After a Chicago punt, the Texans began the second half at their own 28. Schaub hit Johnson for 21 yards and Walter for 23 yards. Moats ran it in from 2 yards out to put the Texans up 21-10. Late in the third quarter, Orton hit Devon Hester for a 37 yard gain down to the one. Orton then hit Greg Olsen for the score to pull the Bears to within 21-17 after three quarters.

After an exchange of punts, the Texans began at their own 43. From the Chicago 48, Matt Schaub hit Daniels for 33 yards. On 4th and 1 from the 6, Schaub picked up just enough. Yet the Texans still had to settle for a field goal and a 24-17 lead with 12 minutes remaining in the game. Chicago punted, and the Texans took over at their own 11. Schaub move the Texans 89 yards in 11 plays over 6 minutes. On 3rd and 14 from the Chicago 19, a defensive holding penalty killed the Bears. Steve Slaton scored from 2 yards out to put the Texans up 31-17 with 3 1/2 minutes left.

The Bears took over at their own 28. Orton hit Davis for passes of 19 and 16 yards. On 4th and 1 from the Houston 11, Orton snuck through for the first down. On 3rd and goal from the 1, Orton snuck through again to get the Bears to within 7 points with 1:53 left. Yet the onsides kick failed, and the Texans ran out the clock. The Texans went 5-1 down the stretch to finish 8-8 for Gary Kubiak, while Lovie Smith saw the Bears fall to 9-7, with the loss eliminating them from the playoffs. 31-24 Texans

New York Giants @ Minnesota Vikings–For some bizarre reason, Coach Tom Coughlin had Eli Manning starting this game despite the 12-3 Giants having locked up home field. The 9-6 Vikings could clinch their division and the # 3 seed with a win or a Chicago loss. Early in the second quarter, Ryan Longwell nailed a 48 yard field goal to give the Vikings the 3-0 lead. On their next series, Adrian Peterson broke through for a 67 yard touchdown run to have the Vikings up 10-0. A 58 yard kickoff return by Ahmad Bradshaw had the Giants at the Minnesota 43. On 3rd and 10 from the 33, A Manning deep pass to Amani Toomer was initially thought to be a touchdown, but was then ruled out of bounds. A 51 yard John Carney field goal had the Giants within 10-3.

In the second quarter the Giants mounted a drive from their own 9 yard line that ate up 14 plays and 8 1/2 minutes. On 3rd and 10 from the 9, Manning hit Toomer for 12 yards. A 26 yard pass to Johnson led to a field goal. The Giants were within 10-6 with only one minute left in the half. With 31 seconds left in the half, the Vikings faced 4th and 1 at the New York 39. On the quarterback draw, Tarvaris Jackson was blown up in the backfield for a 4 yard loss. Manning then hit Dominic Hixon for 24 yards, as it was the Giants getting another field goal befre halftime, not the Vikings. Minnesota led 10-9 at the break.

Eli Manning did not play the second half. Perhaps Coughlin heard about Roethlisberger. David Carr came in and led an 80 yard, 11 play drive that took 5 1/2 minutes. Carr hit Dominic Hixon for the 23 yard touchdown pass as the Giants led 16-10 entering the final quarter. Tarvaris Jackson brought the Vikings back, but on 2nd and goal from the Giants 6, Jackson was intercepted. Butler returned the pick all the way to the Minnesota 45. From the 35, Manning hit moss down to the 8 yard line. This led to a field goal, as the Giants bogged down at the 2. The Giants led 19-10 with 11 1/2 minutes left in the game.

The Vikings came right back, as Jackson hit Bernard Berrian for a 54 yard touchdown to pull the Vikings to within 19-17 with 9 1/2 minutes remaining. Carr then led a 6 minute drive, but a 48 yard field goal attempt by Carney was no good with 3 1/2 minutes left. Jackson then led the Vikings from their own 38 to the New York 32. With everything on the line, as time expired, Ryan Longwell nailed the 50 yard kick to win it for the Vikings. Minnesota clinched the NFC North and the # 3 seed at 10-6, while the top ranked Giants, despite losing 3 of their final 4, at 12-4 have the top seed. 20-19 Vikings

Carolina Panthers @ New Orleans Saints–The eliminated Saints needed Drew Brees to throw for 402 yards to break Dan Marino’s all time passing record in a season of 5084 yards. The 11-4 Panthers needed a win or Atlanta loss to clinch the # 2 seed. Carolina began with Jake Delhomme leading a 12 play, 7 minute drive that led to a 45 yard field goal by John Kasay. On their next drive, Delhomme led the Panthers down the field again. On 4th and 2 at the 9, Coach Jon Fox decided to again go for the field goal, making it a 6-0 game.

Drew Brees brought the Saints back, and from the Carolina 44, a 14 yarder to Marquis Colston was followed by a 20 yard strike to Miller. Yet the Saints could not get past the 3 yard line, and a field goal had the Saints within 6-3 in the second quarter. The Panthers reached the red zone again, and again had to settle for a field goal to lead 9-3.

The Panthers then broke the game open. Brees was then intercepted, setting Carolina up at the New Orleans 29. Deangelo runs of 6, 2, and 13 yards set up Delhomme hitting Muhsin Muhammad for the 8 yard touchdown to give the Panthers a 16-3 lead. The Saints then fumbled the ensuing kickoff, which was returned 12 yards by Wesley to put the Panthers up 23-3. With 47 seconds left in the half, Brees hit Colston for a 26 yard touchdown to pull the Saints to within 23-10 at intermission.

In the third quarter, from the Carolina 40, Delhomme went deep to Steve Smith for a 54 yard gain down to the 6. Stewart ran for 4 yards, and picked up the final 2 yards on the next play to have the Panthers up 30-10 in what looked like a route after three quarters.

Looks became deceiving as Drew Brees went ridiculous in the fourth quarter. From the New Orleans 31, Brees hit Deuce McAllister for 20 yards. He then hit Meachem for 14, and Meachem for 7 more for the touchdown to make it 30-17 only seconds into the fourth quarter. Delhomme had the Panthers reach the New Orleans 34, but a penalty pushed them out of field goal range. The Saints took over at their own 11. On 3rd and 4 from the 17, Brees hit Moore for 20 yards. On 3rd and 10 from the Carolina 46, Brees hit Colston for 14 yards. On 3rd and 17 from the 24, Brees hit Meachem for 15. On 4th and 2 from the 9, Brees tossed the touchdown to Moore. The Saints trailed 30-24 with 5 1/2 minutes left.

With 4 minutes left, a 21 yard punt had the Saints starting at the Carolina 45. Brees needed only 3 plays and 47 seconds. 6 yards to McAllister, 26 yards to Colston, and 13 yards to Moore for the score. With 3:11 left, the Sainsts 21 point fourth quarter explosion turned a 30-10 deficit into a 31-30 lead.

The Panthers took over at their own 18, and Delhomme fired a prayer ball deep into double coverage. Luckily for the Panthers, they have all world receiver Steve Smith. The 39 yard gain had the Panthers at the Saints 43. With 6 seconds remaining, the Panthers had reached the 20. A false start moved the ball back to the 25. John Kasay, the lone original Panthers player from the 1995 expansion team, came in for for a 43 yard field goal attempt. With a first round bye on the line, Kasay drilled it.

The Saints fell to 8-8. Brees finished 30 of 49 for 386 yards. He finished the season with 5069 yards passing, 15 yards shy of Marino’s record. Brees did have a hail mary at the end of the game, but it fell incomplete. The 12-4 Panthers locked up the # 2 seed and sent Atlanta to the # 5 seed. 33-31 Panthers

Cleveland Browns @ Pittsburgh Steelers–The Browns are eliminated, and the Steelers have locked up the # 2 seed. Yet for some reason Coach Mike Tomlin had Ben Roethlisberger playing. The score was irrelevant. Big Ben was knocked out of the game with a concussion and had to be taken off the field on a stretcher. Mike Tomlin is a good coach, but when playoff position is locked up and cannot be altered, you bench your starters! No exceptions! Big Ben should be ready in 2 weeks for the playoffs as the Steelers have the bye.

After 25 minutes of scoreless football, Willie Parker broke off a 34 yard touchdown run to put the Steelers up 7-0. After a punt, with 2 1/2 minutes left in the half, Pittsburgh took over at their own 48. Big Ben got injured on the next play. Byron Leftwich came in and hit Heath Miller for 9 yards on 3rd and 6. Leftwich ran it in himself from 8 yards out to give the Steelers the 14-0 lead at halftime. With 4th string quarterback Bruce Gradkowski playing for Cleveland, things only got worse. The Steelers added a third quarter field goal, a fourth quarter 3 yard touchdown run by Russell, and a 23 yard interception return by Carter to complete the blowout. The 12-4 Steelers as the # 2 seed have 2 weeks to rest, and are praying for the health of Big Ben. 31-0 Steelers

Oakland Raiders @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers-In the 1999 season the Raiders finished 8-8 while the Bucs reached the NFC Title Game. Yet in the next to last game, the Bucs went into Oakland, where the Raiders, coached by Jon “Chucky” Gruden, thrashed Tampa Bay 45-0. After the 2001 season, Coach Gruden was “traded” from the Raiders to the Buccaneers. The 2002 season ended when Gruden and the Buccaneers thrashed the Raiders in the Super Bowl 48-21. In week 3 of the 2003 season in Oakland, the Raiders were beating the Buccaneers 30-6. The Raiders won the game 30-20, but in the fourth quarter Rich Gannon, the 2002 NFL MVP, was injured on a hit by Derrick Brooks. Gannon hurt his neck, and never played again. The Raiders have been struggling since.

In 2008, Gruden and the 9-3 Bucs had lost 3 straight, needing only to win at home to make the playoffs. They hosted the Raiders. Yet for only the second time in Raiders history, Al Davis was not at the game. He missed one game in 1979 when his wife Carol was ill. His own health prevented him from making this trip, but Carol was in attendance to represent the family.

One final subplot is that the 9-3 Bucs have been known for their defense under defensive coordinator Monte Kiffin. Kiffin announce he was leaving after the season to join his son Lane Kiffin at the University of Tennessee. So had Al Davis not fired Lane Kiffin, the Buccaneers would still have their defensive coordinator. The Volunteers gain a fine defensive mind due to more drama leading up to another installment of the battle of the pirates.

Beneath all the subplots for the 4-11 Raiders was the fact that their season finale was a heck of a football game. For more on the game of the day, go to

After a scoreless opening quarter, the Bucs punted seconds into the second quarter. Johnny Lee Higgins, who has taken 3 back to the house this year, returned this one 31 yards to the Tampa Bay 40. Russell hit Higgins for 17 yards. With Justin Fargas and Darren McFadden ailing Michael Bush did the running, and he ran wild today. His 2 yard touchdown run had the Raiders up 7-0. Jeff Garcia brought the Buccaneers back with an 10 play, 5 minute drive that covered 80 yards. Garcia hit Clayton for 29 yards, and Cadillac Williams ran it in from 9 yards out to tie the game 7-7.

With 1:19 left in the half, after an exchange of possessions, the Raiders took over at their own 39. On 3rd and 4 from the 45, JaMarcus Russell hit Schillings for 19 yards and Zach Miller for 28 more down to the 8. Russell hit Schillens for the 3 yard touchdown to give the Raiders the 14-7 halftime lead.

In the second half, taking over at their own 18, Garcia fired 25 yards to Williams before hitting a wide open Clayton for a 58 yard touchdown to tie the game 14-14. After a punt, The Bucs began at their own 13. Garcia drove the Buccaneers in 13 plays over 6 minutes. from the Oakland 43, Garcia hit Antonio Bryant for a 32 yard gain down to the 11. Yet the drive stalled there, and seconds into the fourth quarter, the Buccaneers kicked a field goal to take a 17-14 lead.

The Raiders took over at their own 31, and Russell quickly hit Schillens for a 24 yard gain to the Tampa Bay 45. On 3rd and 6 from the 41, a Russell interception was nullified by a defensive penalty, moving the Raiders to the Tampa Bay 41. It did not matter. Russell was intercepted again on the next play, and this one counted. Piscatelli returned it from the Tampa Bay 5 all the way to the Oakland 8, an 84 yard runback. Cadillac Williams ran it in to put the Buccaneers up 24-14 with 11 1/2 minutes left.

Yet lost in all of this is the head coach of the Raiders, Tom Cable. The players have been fighting hard for him, and they did not fold their tent as they have in past seasons. The Raiders took over at their own 34. From the Oakland 45, Cable went into his bag of tricks. Russell lateraled to Michael Bush. Bush threw the halfback option deep to Watkins. The ball was incomplete, but defensive pass interference went for 43 yards. On the next play Russell hit Higgins for the 12 yard touchdown to pull the Raiders to within 24-21 with 10 minutes left.

The Bucs took over at their own 33. Williams quickly ran 28 yards to the Oakland 39. Yet the Bucs stalled, and on 4th and 4 from the 33, Gruden decided to go for it rather than kick a 50 yard field goal. Garcia threw incomplete, and the Raiders took over with 7 minutes left. One play and 13 seconds was enough time for Michael Bush to race 67 yards for a touchdown to put the Raiders up 28-24 in front of a shocked Tampa Bay crowd.

On the next play from scrimmage, Garcia was intercepted by Baker at the Oakland 42. Michael Bush was then given the ball 9 straight times. He ended up gashing the Buccaneers for 177 yards. However, his 9th straight carry on the drive came on 3rd and goal at the 2, and Bush did not reach the end zone. On 4th and goal at the 2, with 1:13 left, Cable decided not to go for it and ice the game. Sebastian Janikowski hit the field goal to give the Raiders a 7 point lead.

The Buccaneers took over on their own 20. On 4th and 10, Garcia hit Bryant for a 30 yard gain to midfield. With 16 seconds left, the Buccaneers had 3rd and 5 at the Oakland 45. With a hail mary attempt to tie the game, the ball never left Garcia’s hand. He was sacked, and the Raiders had the shocking upset.The Buccaneers have never beaten the Raiders in the regular season, although the only time they have beaten them was the Super Bowl. Yet this one mattered greatly, and the Raiders knocked Gruden and the Buccaneers out of the playoffs. Despite finishing 5-11, the Raiders won their last 2 games for Cable.

In the offseason, the Raiders must resign free agents Janikowski and punter Shane Lechler. Field position was a big deal in this game, and Lechler is one of 2 Raiders to make the Pro Bowl this year along with Cornerback Nahmdi Asomugha, who sat this game out due to injury. The Buccaneers ended losing their final 4 games, while Al Davis got to end the seaosn with a win over a rival. 31-24 Raiders

Tennessee Titans @ Indianapolis Colts–The 13-2 Titans at the 11-4 Colts could have been a thriller except that both teams had locked up the # 1 and # 5 seeds respectively, rendering this game meaningless. Peyton Manning did start, as the Colts began at their own 10. From the Colts 45, Manning hit Joseph Addai for the 55 yard touchdown pass to put the Colts up 7-0. Coach Tony Dungy then smartly gave Manning the rest of the day off. Coach Jeff Fisher did the same with Kerry Collins, who threw an incomplete pass on the first Tennessee drive and then sat down after the Titans punted. Jim Sorgi and Vince Young played the rest of the game.

Sorgi looke very impressive, leading a 14 play, 7 minute drive. On 4th and 3 form the Tennessee 10, a field goal had the Colts up 10-0. A surprise onsides kick was successful, as Dungy did his part to keep the fans from sleeping. Sorgi drove the Colts to the 3 yard line, where another field goal made it 13-0. After a punt, a 12 play, 6 minute drive led to a third field goal and a 16-0 halftime lead for the Colts.

In the third quarter, Sorgi threw 33 yards to Najeh Davenport. From the Tennessee one yard line, Ball fumbled his namesake, but offensive lineman Richard recovered it in the end zone for the touchdown and the 23-0 Colts lead. The game ended in only 2 1/2 hours, as both coaches got ready for the playoffs. These teams very well could meet in the AFC Title Game, and it will be far more dramatic. Jeff Fisher is 13-3 for the third time, and Tony Dungy is the only coach in NFL history to go at least 12-4 in six straight seasons. The Colts won 9 straight for the third time in the Dungy era with the Colts. 23-0 Colts

Detroit Lions @ Green Bay Packers–The Packers came in losing 5 straight, not a good feeling for my friend Steve at “No Runny Eggs.” Yet the Lions came in 0-15, and desperate to win just one game. My friend Doug, the “P*ssed Off Tree Rat,” was still rooting for his team. A 73 yard run by Wynn had the Packers up 7-0. An Orlovsky pass was then picked off by Charles Woodson, who returned it 23 yards to the Detroit 41. Aaron Rodgers hit Donald Driver for 16 yards, and Ryan Grant ripped off a 20 yard run down to the 4 yard line. Rodgers hit FInley for the 3 yard touchdown to put the Packers up 14-0 after the first quarter.

Yet this game was no laugher. Orlovksky led a 12 play, 63 yard drive that took 5 minutes. Orlovsky hit Calvin Johnson for the 9 yard touchdown to get the Lions within 14-7 at halftime. Ryan Grant fumbled deep in his own territory in the third quarter, leading to a 14 yard touchdown toss from Orlovsky to Johnson. After three quarters, the game was tied 14-14. The Lions had a shot.

Aaron Rodgers moved the Packers from their own 20 to the Detroit 18. Ryan Grant actually ran for an 80 yard touchdown, but on further review, he was ruled down by contact at the Green Bay 41 after a 21 yard gain. Nevertheless, a 36 yard field goal by Mason Crosby had the Packers up 17-14 only 90 seconds into the  fourth quarter. After a punt the Packer took over just shy of midfield. A defensive personal foul pushed the ball to the Detroit 27. From the 16, Rogers hit Jennings for 11 yards and Kuhns fr the 5 yard touchdown to put the Packers up 24-14 with 8 1/2 minutes remaining.

The Lions needed only one minute to get back in the game. From the 20, Orlovksy hit Standeford for gains of 35 and 36 yards, setting up a 9 yard Kevin Smith touchdown run. The Lions were within 24-21 with 7 1/2 minutes left, plenty of time to hope. Green Bay needed 16 seconds to extinguish that hope. From the 29, Rodgers went deep to Driver for a 71 yard touchdown pass to extend the lead back to 10 points. The Lions then took over at their own 21. Orlovsky drove them to the Green Bay 30, before they self destructed under sacks and penatlies. On 3rd and 29, they completed a 2 yard pass, and on 4th and 27 Orlovksy was intercepted.

In 2007 the debate was whether the 16-0 Patriots were better tan the 1972 Dolphins. New England lost in the Super Bowl, and the debate was closed. In 2008 the Lions did go 0-16. So are they worse than the 1976 Buccaneers?

Yes and no. The Buccaneers only went 0-14, so the Lions do have the worst single season record of futility. Yet the Buccaneers also lost the first 12 games of 1977, to start the franchise 0-26. The Bucs then won both their remaining games that season. So I still aintain those Buccaneers are the worst, although the Lions may match that total next year. Also, the Buccaneers played in a tough AFC West in 1976, before shifting to the NFC Central in 1977, switching with Seattle. The Lions play in a very mediocre NFC North. That debate is for another time. The 0-16 Lions of 2008 are forever etched in history.

Jacksonville Jaguars @ Baltimore Ravens–The 10-5 Ravens needed to win at home against the eliminated Jaguars to guarantee themselves the # 6 seed. Given the New England win earlier in the day, a loss and a Jets win over Miami would have eliminated the Ravens. The Ravens began with a 10 play drive that took 5 1/2 minutes, leading to a Matt Stover field goal and a 3-0 Ravens lead. Jacksonville then fumbled in their own territory, but another Stover field goal attempt was no good. Late in the quarter, a punt had the Jaguars starting at midfield. Maurice Jones-Drew ran 20 yards, and then David Garrard threw 23 yards to Pearman to put the Jaguars up 7-3 after th opening quarter.

In the second quarter, the roof caved in on Jacksonville. Joe Flacco led the Ravens 78 yards on 10 plays over 5 minutes. On 3rd and 6 from the Jacksonville 16, Flacco hit Derrick Mason for 11 yards, setting up McClain from 5 yards out to put the Ravens up 10-7. After a punt, Flacco led the Ravens 77 yards. A 39 yard pass to Mason led to a 13 yard WIllis McGahee run and a 17-7 Ravens lead.

The Jaguars got going form their own 20. A  defensive penalty moved them to the 35. Jones-Drew picked up 23 yards, and Garrard himself picked up another 22. Yet on 3rd and 9 from the 19, Garrard was intercepted, one of 4 Jacksonville turnovers on the day. From the Jacksonville 48, Flacco went deep to Clayton for a 47 yard gain down to the one, where McClain crashed in. The Ravens led 24-7 at halftime, and just turned the defense loose in the uneventful second half.

The Ravens improved to 11-5 with the win. They locked up the # 6 seed, eliminated the Jets, and left New England on the brink of elimination. Yet their wild card game would be on the road against the # 3 seed, which would be whoever won the AFC East. First year Coach John Harbaugh and Rookie Quarterback Joe Flacco got the job done, with the same vicious defense of Ray Lewis and Ed Reed that keeps clamping down. 27-7 Ravens

Seattle Seahawks @ Arizona Cardinals–The Minnesota win earlier in the day meant the Cardinals were locked into the # 4 seed. Yet despite starting 7-3 and having Kurt Warner, Anquon Boldin, and Larry Fitzgerald all make the Pro Bowl as starters, the Greatest Show in the Desert has gone 1-4 since, limping into the playoffs. They displaced 4 time defending division champion Seattle, in what is the final game for Coach Walrus Mike Holmgren. Both tems started with a turnover, as Seneca Wallace was intercepted and Warner fumbled it right back.

Wallace then led a 64 yard drive over 12 plays and 6 minutes. TJ Duckett scored from one yard out to put the Seahawks up 7-0 after the opening quarter. In the second quarter Wallace mounted an 8 minute drive that began at the Seattle 10. Yet a field goal from 42 yards was no good, wasting the opportunity. From the Arizona 32, Warner threw 50 yards to Fitzgerald, and then hit Jeremy Urban for 16 yards to tie the game 7-7.

On 3rd and 10 from their own 31, Seattle fumbled, allowing the Cardinals to begin at the Seattle 12. Warner hit Fitzgerald from 5 yards out to put the Cardinals up 14-7. Seattle took over at their own 26. Wallace found Koren Robinson for 16 yards, Bobby Engram for gains of 16, 5, 6, and 12 yards, and finally Deon Branch for 30 yards and the touchdown to tie the game 14-14 at halftime.

In the third quarter, facing 3rd and 14 at the Seattle 38, Warner gain found Fitzgerald for a touchdown and the 21-14 Cardinals lead. After a punt, the Cardinals again began at their own 32 for the second consecutive drive. Warner hit Patrick for 17 yards, Urban for 14 more on 3rd and 3, 15 yards to Fitzgerald, and on 3rd and 10 from the 14, the touchdown to Steve Breaston to put the Cardinals up 28-14.

Wallace then led a 13 play, 80 yard drive. With 12 minutes remaining in the game, on 4th and goal from the 2, Wallace found Branch to close the gap to 28-21. At that point Matt Leinart came in for mop up work to give Warner some rest in a meaningless game. Leinart quickly hit Breaston for a 29 yard gain just shy of midfield. Edgerrin James then ran for 35 yards down to the 15. The drive stalled at the 5, but a field goal had the Cardinals up 31-21 with 8 1/2 minutes left. Another punt was followed by Leinart throwing 35 yards to Breaston. Again the Cardinals bogged down in the red zone, but another field goal closed out the scoring.

The Cardinals improved to 9-7, and will host their first playoff game since 1947. Ken Whisenhunt has accomplished much, but a tip of the helmet must be given to the Walrus. Despite a 4-12 season, he retired with 3 NFC Championships and one Super Bowl ring. Koo Koo Ke Choo Coach Holmgren. 34-21 Cardinals

Washington Redskins @ San Francisco 49ers–This game was meaningless from a playoff standpoint, yet both of the coaches show promise for next year. The Redskin faded after a 6-2 start, but are playing hard for Jim Zorn. Mike Singletary has revitalized the 49ers, and they had won 3 of 4 coming in after replacing Dick Nolan. Sean Hill led the 49ers 65 yards on 12 plays over 5 1/2 minutes to give the 49ers a 7-0 lead after the opening quarter. Hill ran it in himself the final 2 yards. The lead could have been extended but a 3rd and 1 from the Washinton 29 lost a yard, followed by a missed field goal.

The Redksins took over at their own 38, and Jason Campbell led them 62 yards over 10 plays and 5 minutes. A 17 yard pass to Santana Moss from midfield had the Redskins moving, and Clinton Portis ran it in from 4 yards out to tie the game 7-7 less than one minute into the second quarter. Hill was then intercepted by Rogers, who returned it 31 yards to the San Francisco 23. The Redskins went nowhere, but kicked the go ahead field goal to lead 10-7.

After a punt, the Redskins took over at their own 22. Campbell led a staggering 16 play, 9 minute drive, that went the 78 yards for the score. On 3rd and 8 form their own 24, Campbell hit Moss for 15. On 3rd and 2 from the Washington 47, Campbell was sacked, but defensive holding gave the Redskins a gift automatic first down. On 4th and 1 form the San Francisco 39, Portis, despite being stuffed on 3rd and 1, picked up 3 yards. On 3rd and 5 from the 31 Campbell hit Cooley for 12 yards. On 3rd and 2 from the 11, Campbell picked up 5 yards. Campbell then hit Antwon Randle-El for the 5 yard score and a 17-7 Redskins lead at halftime.

Early in the third quarter, a Portis fumble was recovered by Takeo Spikes at the Washington 38. Frank Gore ran for 8 and 11 yards, and Foster ran for 18 yards, and then the 1 yard touchdown to make it a 17-14 game entering the final quarter.

Early in the fourth quarter, Hill led the 49ers from their own 20. Hill hit Johnson for 19 yards, Foster for 12, and Robinson for 24. A 9 yard touchdown pass to Hill had the 49ers up 21-17 with 10 minutes remaining in the game. After a punt, the 49ers took over at midfield. A 26 yard pass from Hill to Morgan led to a field goal and a 24-17 49ers lead with 5 minutes left. Cartwright then returned the kickoff 43 yards to the Washington 45. Campbell hit Moss for 12 yards, and then Campbell ran 23 yards himself to the 10. On 4th an goal from the 2, Campbell took it himself and barely broke the plane of the goal. The game was tied 24-24, and the 49ers got the ball back with 1:09 left at their own 27.

On 3rd and 1 from the San Francisco 36, with 46 seconds left, Hill hit Robinson for 19 yards to the Washington 45. 31 seconds remained, and Hill then hit Johnson for 24 yards down to the Washington 21 with 16 seconds left. Joe Nedney came in to try a 39 yard field goal for the win on the final play of regulation. Nedney nailed it, and the 49ers won. Mike SIngletary was given a 5 year contract extension after the game. Bad teams can still produce thrilling games. 27-24 49ers

Miami Dolphins @ New York Jets–The 10-5 Dolphins were at the 9-6 Jets with everything on the line. The Patriots had won earlier in the day to improve to 11-5 and eliminate the Jets from winning the division. However, the Jets could still be a wild card with a win and a Baltimore loss. If Miami won, they would win the division, and a Baltimore win at that point would eliminate New England in addition to the Jets. Both Miami and the Jets would be out if they lost this game.

The subplots were plenty. The Dolphins were 1-15 last year. Then came Bill Parcells, he of 2 Super Bowl Rings, and 5 successful franchise turnarounds. In 1996 it was the Jets that went 1-15. Then Parcells showed up. The Jets went 9-7 in 1997, an 8 game turnaround. They were 9-6, but lost their final game. They would have been the first 1-15 team to make the playoffs the next year. In 1998 they went 12-4, and were 30 minutes away from a Super Bowl before falling in the AFC Title Game on the road.

As for the Dolphins, they were 1-15 last year. Parcells came in as team President, and brought Coach Tony Sparano with him. They needed a quarterback, and they took Chad Pennington, who was released before this season by the Jets. Pennington wanted to beat his former team more badly than Parcells did. Pennington was released to make room for Brett Favre, who as forced into early retirement before realizing that he still had passion and ability after 17 years in Green Bay. Again, the subplots were many, and the game lived up to expectations.

After a scoreless first quarter, the second quarter saw Pennington get sacked, forcing a fumble the Jets recovered just short of midfield. Favre hit Jerricho Cotchery for 26 yards and then hit Lavernues Coles for the 13 yard touchdown. The Jets fumbled the snap on the point after touchdown, leading 6-0 instead of 7-0. An exchang of punts had the Dolphins starting at their own 40. On 3rd and 5 at the 45, Pennington hit Fasano for 8 yards, and then Bess for gains of 7 and 13 yards. Pennington then hit Tedd Ginn for a 27 yard otuchdown and a 7-6 Miami lead. Favre needed one play to throw a 25 yard touchdown to Merling. Unfortunately, Merling plays defense for the Dolphins. 2 scores in 13 seconds had miami up 14-6 with 2 minutes left in the half. Favre worked the 2 minute drill well, but on 2nd and 2 from the Miami 10, the Jets failed to convert. A field goal had the Dolphins leading 14-9 at intermission.

On the first Miami drive of the second half, Pennington fumbled, and the Jets took over at the Miami 28. On 3rd and 14 from the 32, Favre hit Cotchery, who caught the ball, fumbled, and recovered his own fumble for a 15 yard gain and first down at the 17. Leon Washington ran for 7 yards and then for the final 10 for the score. Favre hit Cotchery for the 2 point conversion to put the Jets up 17-14.

The Dolphins took over at their own 20. Pennington handed off to Ronnie Brown, who lateraled back to Pennington for the flea flicker. Pennington hit Ginn for 44 yards to the New York 36. On 3rd and 5 from the 31, Pennington hit London for 10 yards. Pennington then hit Anthony Fasano for the 20 yard touchdown as the Dolphins retook the leaf 21-17 entering the fourth quarter.

With 13 minutes remaining in the game, the Jets faced 4th and 2 at their own 43. The punt was blocked, and the Dolphins took over just past midfield. The short field set up a field goal form 48 yards out, which put the Dolphins up by 7 with 9 1/2 minutes left. Favre moved the Jets from the New York 25 to the Miami 29, but with 5 minutes left Favre was intercepted.

From the Miami 28, Brown ran 23 yards just past midfield from the Wildcat formation. On 3rd and 1 from the New York 40, Polite failed to convert. Sparano decided to go for it on 4th and 1, and Pennington picked up 2 yards. Miami was eventually forced to punt, but a perfect punt was downed at the one yard line. Favre was asked to 99 yards in 17 seconds with no timeouts. Several laterals later, the game ended.

The Jets fell to 9-7, although the Baltimore game combined with the New England win had eliminated them anyway. The Miami win combined with the Baltimore win gave Miami the satisfaction of eliminating the Jets and New England all at once. Miami became the # 3 seed. The nexxt debate would be whether this was the greatest one year turnaround ever. Again, yes and no.

To go from 1-15 to 11-5 is a 10 game swing, tying the record set by the 1999 Colts, who went from 13-3 to 3-13. The Colts lost their first playoff game at home. I would say the 1999 Rams are still the very best turnaround. They went from 4-12 to 13-3, which is only a 9 game swing. They actually benched everybody in the last game, which they lost after clinching. However, the Rams also won the Super Bowl, so going from 4-12 to 16-3 is actually a 12 game improvement in wins, or  a 10 1/2 game swing. If the Dolphins win the Superbowl, they would be the very best undisputed turnaround. Either way, they have accomplished a ton. Brett Favre may or may not retire as he does every year, but that is for another day. The Tuna brought wins to the Dolphins. 24-17 Dolphins

Dallas Cowboys @ Philadelphia Eagles–Dallas at 9-6 came into the day needing only a win to make the playoffs. Phladelphia at 8-6-1 needed a ton of help, but miraculously got all of it. Chicago and Tampa Bay both lost, meaning that Philadelphia only needed to win and they were in. The loser of this showdown was out, and the winner was the # 6 seed, off to play Minnesota in a wild card game. The pre-game hype had plenty of drama, while the game itself had none. A 3-3 game after one quarter turned into a blowout of shocking proportions. Dallas had a 15 play, minute drive, but never cracked the end zone.

On 3rd and 7 from the Philadelphia 35, Donovan McNabb hit Correll Buckhalter for a 59 yard pass down to the Dallas 6. On 3rd and goal from the 1, McNabb snuck over to make it 10-3. Midway through the second quarter McNabb led a 71 yard, 11 play drive that took 5 1/2 minutes. From the Dallas 37, McNabb hit Jackson for 34 yards down to the 3, setting up McNabb to Buckhalter from 4 yards out and a 17-3 Eagles lead.

Dallas then totally self destructed at the end of the half. With just over one minute left in the half, Tony Romo was intercepted, setting the Eagles up at the Dallas 42. A defensive personal foul followed by a defensive pass interference penalty led to McNabb tossing a 1 yard touchdown to Celek. The Eagles led 24-3 with only 15 seconds left in the half. That was just enough time for the Cowboys to fumble the kickoff. The Eagles recovered, and David Akers drilled a 50 yard field goal to give the Eagles a 27-3 punishing lead at the break.

In the third quarter the Cowboys had 2 long drives that reached a red zone. A pair of touchdowns would have made it 27-17, and a competitive ball game. 2 touchdowns did occur, but not ones that tightened the score. On 2nd and 5 from the Philly 19, Aikman was sacked by Brian Dawkins, forcing a fumble. Clemons picked it up and rumbled 73 yards for the touchdown, with a stiff-arm near the goal line as the exclamation point. On the next series Dallas had 1st and 10 at the Philly 12. Romo complete a pass to Marion Barber. Barber fumbled at the 4 yard line after being hit by Dawkins. Joselio Hanson picked it up and ran 96 yards the other way for a touchdown and a 41-3 Eagles thrashing.

Several weeks ago McNabb was benched. People questioned him and Coach Andy Reid. They were in last place in the division, and Dallas was cruising at 8-4. Now Dallas at 9-7 is cruising into the offseason. Jerry Jones may or may not fire Wade Phillips. Questions will continue to haunt Tony Romo, and Terrell Owens will likely blow up again, because that is what he of no Super Bowl rings does. This game was vindication for McNabb, and should give some to consider Reid for coach of the year given all the heartbreaking distractions he had to deal with involving his children before the season started. Consummate professionals, Reid and McNabb battled back, and got to 9-6-1 by running the table. 44-6 Cowboys.

Denver Broncos @ San Diego Chargers was the Sunday night game. The 8-7 Broncos and the 7-8 Chargers were in a simple do or die situation. The winner would be AFC West champions and the # 4 seed to host streaking Indianapolis, while the loser would be out. The Broncos were 8-5 before collapsing down the stretch. The Chargers were 4-8 under Norvelous Norv Turner before they pulled a Lazarus act to get in position. Yet this game also lacked any of the suspense that preceded kickoff.

A pair of defensive penalties had the Chargers at the Denver 11, where they settled for a field goal and a 3-0 lead. The Broncos came right back, and on 3rd and 1 from the San Diego 26, Tatum Bell ran for the touchdown. Th extra point was missed, and the Broncos led 6-3. A 37 yard pass from Philip Rivers to Vincent Jackson followed by another defensive penalty led to Ladanian Tomlinson scoring from one yard out to put the Chargers up 10-6 after the first quarter.

After a punt, the Chargers took over at their own 28. Rivers hit Antonio Gates for 34 yards down to the Denver 38. Tomlinson ripped off a 12 yard gain, and Rivers hit Manumaleuna for the 12 yard touchdown to put the Chargers up 17-6. Denver punted, and San Diego took over at their own 42. Rivers hit Chris Chambers for 14 yards and Jacob Hester for 16 more. On 2nd and 20 from the Denver 36, Rivers hit Chambers for 18, and Jackson picked up 13 on 3rd and 2. Tomlinson ran it in from 4 yards out to culminate the 6 minute drive and give the Chargers a 24-6 lead. Just before the half, Jay Cutler thought he had Tony Scheffler for a otuchdown, Scheffler was ruled out of bounds, and Cutler was intercepted in the end zone on the next play to keep the game at 24-6 at halftime.

In the third quarter Tatum Bell broke off another touchdown run,this time from 37 yards out to pull the Broncos to within 24-13. They got no closer. Tomlinson ripped off a 45 yard gain to set up Rivers to Darren Sproles for a 13 yard touchdown and a 31-13 Chargers lead. Cutler was intercepted again, and the Chargers began at the Denver 14. Tomlinson needed one play and 7 seconds to run it in and put the Chargers up 38-13 after three quarters.

Cutler brought the Broncos down the field, and on 4th and 4 from the San Diego 24, Cutler hit Brandon Stokely for 7 yards. Yet on 4th and 5 from the 12, Cutler threw incomplete. With 13 minutes remaining in the game, Cutler did hit Scheffler for a 25 yard touchdown pass, and this one counted. the 2 point conversion had Denver within 38-21. Yet the Chargers simply had too much. From the Denver 39, Sproles ran for 37 yards, and then ran the final 2 yards on the next play to go up 45-21.

The Chargers then mounted an 11 play, 7 minute drive. On 4th and 1 from the 4, with the game not in doubt. Jacob Hester ran up the middle for the exclamation point score. Both teams finished 8-8. The Chargers won the tie breaker, the division, and the # 4 seed. The Broncos are out. The Chargers became the first 4-8 team to make the playoffs. 52-21 Chargers

Hanukkah and the NFL regular season are now over. 2009 brings the playoffs. Here are the wild card games, with predictions.

NFC: # 6 Eagles at # 3 Vikings, # 5 Falcons at # 4 Cardinals.

Vikings and Falcons win. Vikings play at Panthers, Falcons play at Giants.

AFC: # 6 Ravens at # 3 Dolphins, # 5 Colts at # 4 Chargers.

Ravens and Colts win. Ravens play at Titans, Colts play at Steelers.

Are you ready for some playoff football!!!!!!!!!

Let’s get it on!!!!!!!!!!


NFL 2008 Playoffs–Permutations, Combinations, and Predictions

Saturday, December 27th, 2008

Tomorrow is Week 17 of the 2008 NFL Season. In the immortal words of former Coach Jim Mora, “Playoffs!”

This will be the last game of the year for several teams, including the Oakland Raiders. They finish at the Buccaneers, the team that helped their decline. The 2002 Super Bowl saw the Bucs thrash the Raiders, while in 2003 the Raiders defeated the Bucs but paid the ultimate price…quarterback Rich Gannon was injured, and never played again.

As for the Detroit Lions, they will be shooting for infamy and 0-16. To avoid this, they need to go on the road and beat the Green Bay Packers.

Now for the playoffs.

Below are all the permutations and combinations for various teams angling for playoff spots.

These scenarios assume that every game will have a winner and a loser, with no ties. Yes, I know the Eagles have a tie game, but eliminating ties keeps heads from exploding from trying to figure this stuff out.


The 12-3 New York Giants are the # 1 seed. They have won the NFC East and have clinched home field advantage throughout the playoffs.

The 11-4 Carolina Panthers are at the New Orleans Saints and the St. Louis Rams are at the 10-5 Atlanta Falcons. If the Panthers win or the Falcons lose, the Panthers win the NFC South and are the # 2 seed with the other first round bye. If the Panthers lose and Falcons win, the Falcons win the NFC South and are the # 2 seed.

The Giants are at the 9-6 Minnesota Vikings while the 9-6 Chicago Bears are at the Houston Texans. The Vikings hold the tie breaker, so if they win or the Bears lose, The Vikings win the NFC North and the # 3 seed. If the Bears win and the Vikings lose, the Bears win the # 3 seed, and the Vikings are out of the playoffs.

The 8-7 Arizona Cardinals have clinched the NFC West and at least the # 4 seed. They can reach the # 3 seed if they finish tied with the Bears, giving the Bears the # 4 seed. The Cardinals cannot get the # 3 seed over the Vikings.

A stated earlier, the NFC South winner, either the Panthers or Falcons, is the # 2 seed. The other one is automatically the # 5 seed, and will be on the road for a wild card game most likely against the Cardinals.

4 teams are alive for the # 6 seed. The Dallas Cowboys, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and Chicago Bears are all 9-6. The Philadelphia Eagles are 8-6-1. As stated earlier, the Bears can still win their division and the # 3 seed. The other teams cannot. The Vikings cannot win the wild card, only their division.

The Dallas Cowboys are at the Philadelphia Eagles.

The Oakland Raiders are at the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Again, the Bears are at the Texans.

If the Cowboys win, they are in, and the rest are out.

If the Cowboys lose and the Buccaneers win, the Buccaneers are in.

If the Cowboys and Buccaneers both lose, and the Bears win, they are in even if they do not win their division.

If the Eagles defeat the Cowboys, and the Buccaneers and Bears both lose, the Eagles are in


The 13-2 Tennessee Titans are the # 1 seed. They have clinched the AFC South and home field advantage throughout the playoffs.

The 11-4 Pittsburgh Steelers are the # 2 seed. They have clinched the AFC North and a first round bye.

The winner of the AFC East will be the # 3 seed. The division is totally up for grabs. The 10-5 Miami Dolphins, 10-5 New England Patriots, or 9-6 New York Jets can all win the division or miss the playoffs entirely. More elaboration will happen on that momentarily.

The 8-7 Denver Broncos are at the 7-8 San Diego Chargers. The winner of this game will win the AFC West and the # 4 seed. The loser is automatically eliminated.

The 11-4 Indianapolis Colts are locked in as the # 5 seed. They will be on the road as a wild card team against whoever wins the Denver vs San Diego showdown.

The suspense remains in the AFC East, and the Baltimore Ravens in the AFC North.

The Ravens cannot win the AFC North, so the best they can do is the # 6 seed. They could miss the playoffs altogether.

First let’s look at the AFC East.

The Miami Dolphins are at the New York Jets.

The New England Patriots are at the Buffalo Bills.

If the Dolphins beat the Jets, they win the AFC East and # 3 seed.

If the Jets beat the Dolphins and the Patriots beat the Bills, the Patriots win the AFC East and # 3 seed.

If the Jets Beat the Dolphins and the Bills beat the Patriots, the Jets win the AFC East and # 3 seed

Now for the # 6 seed.

The loser of the Dolphins vs Jets game is automatically out of the playoffs.

The Jaguars are at the 10-5 Ravens. If the Ravens win, they are automatically the # 6 seed. That means that nobody else from the AFC East outside of the division winner makes the playoffs. If the Ravens lose and the Jets win, the Ravens are out, UNLESS the Jets win their division. The Ravens win the tie breakers over the Patriots and Dolphins, not the Jets.

The Dolphins cannot be a wild card. They either win the division or are eliminated. If the Jets win, but do not win the division, they can make the playoffs if the Ravens lose.

If the Patriots win, but do not win the division, the Ravens must lose, or the Patriots are out.



Normally I would have the Panthers losing on the road to the Saints, but the Saints are eliminated and the Panthers are desperate after being so close to the top seed. The Falcons at home will crush the Rams, putting more pressure on the Panthers. Nevertheless, the Panthers will win and get the # 2 seed. The Falcons will be the # 5 seed.

The Giants, having locked up the top seed, will bench everybody except the janitor and the team nutritionist. Therefore, they will lose at the Vikings. The Vikings will win the NFC North and the # 3 seed.

The Bears might lose to the Texans. The Texans are eliminated, but 8-8 beats 7-9. Even if the Bears win, they will not win the division.

The Eagles will defeat the Cowboys.

The Buccaneers will defeat the Raiders, vaulting the Buccaneers into the playoffs and eliminating the others.

Wild Cards: # 6 Buccaneers @ # 3 Vikings, # 5 Falcons @ # 4 Cardinals.

Vikings and Falcons win.

Divisionals: # 5 Falconss @ # 1 Giants, # 3 Vikings @ # 2 Panthers.

Giants and Panthers win.

NFC Title Game: # 2 Panthers @ # 1 Giants.

Panthers win.

Hedging my bets: If the Cowboys beat the Eagles and get in, they could beat the Vikings, and even the Giants, who they would face next. I still see the Panthers getting to the Super Bowl.

If the Panthers lose and fall to the # 5 seed, all bets are off. They would still beat the Cardinals, and would be competitive on the road against the Falcons or Giants, or perhaps even hosting the Cowboys if they get revenge against the Giants for last year.

I still like the Panthers.


The Patriots will defeat the Bills in the morning. This means that the afternoon game for the Jets and Dolphins, while still critical, will lose one element. The Jets will not be able to win the division. However, they will still be fighting for their playoff lives, so both teams will be geared up. The Jets will win.

The Patriots win the division, and the Dolphins are eliminated. The fate of the Jets rests on the Ravens game at the Jaguars. The 5-10 Jaguars are not like most eliminated teams. They play hard for Jack Del Rio and relish the role of spoiler. Yet they will not get the upset, as the Jets are kicked out and the Ravens are in.

The fading Broncos will defeat the surging Chargers, cementing the legacy of Norvelous Norv Turner. Broncos in, Chargers out. Mike Shanahan will not lose to Dick Jauron and Norv Turner in back to back weeks.

Wild Cards: # 6 Ravens @ # 3 Patriots, # 5 Colts @ # 4 Broncos

Patriots and Colts win.

Despite winning 8 or 9 straight games, Manning may struggle in the Denver cold. If by some miracle the Chargers get in, Manning always has trouble against San Diego. Nevertheless, the Colts will survive.

Divisionals: # 5 Colts @ # 1 Titans, # 3 Patriots @ # 2 Steelers

Titans and Patriots win.

AFC Title Game: # 3 Patriots @ # 1 Titans.

Titans win.

Hedging my bets: If the Steelers do survive at home against the Patriots, they will not get past the Titans. Peyton Manning at the Colts will not get past the Titans. Even if the Broncos or Chargers beat the Colts, they will not beat the Titans either.

Super Bowl: The Titans and Panthers are evenly matched, but the Panthers will have more brutal playoff games, especially if they have to play a wild card game. The Titans will be more rested, and win it all.

Statistic: 1993 was the last year where both # 1 seeds made the Super Bowl. Every year since then, exactly one top seed has gone down in flames, but never both of them. So continuing that trend, I see the Titans surviving and the Giants going down. If the Giants survive, to continue the trend, the one team the Titans do not want to play…the Ravens.

Just like 2000, the Ravens upset the Titans to play the Giants.

No. 2008 sees the Titans beating the Panthers.



From the Maccabees to Pearl Harbor to Iraq 2008

Friday, December 26th, 2008

As Hanukkah entered its 5th night, I remind the entire world that again what is being celebrated is a military victory. The Maccabbees came, saw, and kicked rumpus. They did not negotiate, or dialogue, or sing Kumbaya. They did not have pointless meetings. They did not take photo ops. They got the job done militarily, and were rewarded with the right to stay alive.

One of the reasons the Jews were able to win battles in the dead of night is because there were no print media at the time revealing secret troop movements. There were no anti-war movies. The ACLU did not exist, so the Maccabees could kill with impunity.

If we are all dead, then all the civil liberties in the world will not matter. This brings me to the greatest generation, those who fought the good war, the heroes of World War II.

First of all, we recently had another anniversary of Pearl Harbor Day. December 7th, 1941, was the day that Franklin Delano Roosevelt correctly said would “live in infamy.” The soldiers of World War II saved the world. They defeated two threats that would have destroyed civilization and ended life as we had known it. When we see one of these fine people, we should say, “Thank you and welcome home.”

Yet while the soldiers of WW II are beloved, and FDR is revered by many, what is less known is the set of steps that the government undertook during this war. For those who want to read a fantastic book, I recommend Tony Blankley’s brilliant work, “The West’s Last Chance.”

On pages 116 and 117, Mr. Blankley lists steps that were taken by the National Association of Broadcasters less than two weeks after Pearl Harbor.

“Do not broadcast personal observations on weather conditions. Watch sports broadcasts for this. A late night comment that ‘it’s a fine clear night” might be invaluable information to the enemy.”

“Do not broadcast any long list of casualties. This has been specifically forbidden.”

In February of 1942, the federal government offered more restrictions.

“Criticism of equipment, appearance, physical condition, or morale of the Armed Forces of the United States or any of its allies” is to be censored. Also outlawed is the “reporting of rumor or atrocity stories.”

Seventy newspapers were banned, and in a delicious irony, Father Charles Coughlins antisemitic newspaper “Social Justice” was banned. I say ironic because leftists Jews have claimed that the Torah (Old Testament) commands Jews to engage in social justice, which therefore commands them to be politically liberal and hate all things connected to republicans and conservatism. If only these bleeding hearts knew that Social Justice, aka their reason for existing, was an antisemitic paper. Then again, give how angst ridden and self hating many of these Jews are, I would not be surprised if they happily read this paper at the dinner table.

The bottom line is that in the same way that the Jewish community was tough, aka sensible, the federal government did what needed to be done to win wars and save all we hold dear. Leftists claim that George W. Bush is destroying their civil liberties, but what his administration has proposed is nowhere near as extreme as what FDR proposed and carried out. Yes, the very FDR that is lionized as a demigod by liberals everywhere actually cared about a muscular foreign policy.

That muscular foreign policy that was once bipartisan is now under assault from within. Reasonable minds can disagree on whether or not America should wage war under certain situations. What should never be in dispute is that deliberately trying to sabotage a war effort is wrong. It is beyond wrong. It is sedition.

It is wrong to give away secret troop movements. Anything that hampers America in terms of strategy should be the domain of our enemies. Arthur Sulzberger, the owner of the Jayson Blair Times, should have been arrested and thrown in jail the minute that story broke. The first amendment is not an absolute right. Mr. Sulzberger went to a crowded theatre located in the heart of where our enemies reside, and yelled to those enemies to fire at will on American soldiers.

It is wrong to insist on dialogue when agreements reached in previous dialogue sessions have been dishonored or broken. America could have crushed Muktada Al Sadr and put a pair of bullets in his heart. Instead, on the verge of victory, we decided to negotiate with him. We were holding all the cards, and we bargained. He lived to wreak more havoc. We had a chance to destroy Fallujah, and instead we pulled back for talks. More Americans died. Only when we went into Fallujah again and destroyed everything, which by the way is the main function of a successful military, did the problem get better.

Yet if the real battles are difficult, the public relations war has been a nightmare for anyone who loves the U.S. Military. During World War II, even when censorship was not in place, Hollywood voluntarily supported the troops through movies that supported the war effort. America and the Allies were the good guys, and the Axis were the bad guys. It was not shades of gray or other John Kerry type nuances. It was black and white, and the good guys won the war and saved civilization.

Nowadays, movies show America as the villain. Everybody else can be redeemed. Muslim terrorists are freedom fighters, while the real evil sociopaths beyond redemption are corporate executives, especially republican ones.

Where is the sense of honor? What about loyalty? What about love of a nation that enriches these people? Forget the legal freedoms that these parasites have. What about a moral sense of decency?

General David Petraeus says the surge is working, and that we are succeeding in Iraq. People who have never been to Iraq disagree with him. These people have the right to feel this way. Free speech exists. Yet so does the Flat Earth Society.

2008 Update: The surge did work. It was a total and complete success. Most people on the left would be fine with the Iraq War if a democrat was running it. For the left, hatred of President George W. Bush takes precedence. He favored the war, so they reflexively must oppose it till death to stay consistent. Admitting President Bush was right might destroy the left more than terrorism and war itself.

ROTC is banned from college campuses, but terrorists such as Armageddonijad are welcomed under some concept of diversity, which apparently is extended to everybody except for those who defend American freedom.

Defending the right to exist with military force allows this existence to actually take place. When Judah Maccabee and his Israeli Brethren destroyed their enemies militarily, it started a tradition deeper than Hanukkah. It started the Jewish people’s fight for survival, one they have still not relinquished.

In World War II, villages were burned to the ground, homes were razed, and the body count was deep. Pearl Harbor was not a time for dialogue. It was a time for waging war, and even with a liberal president, waging war is exactly what we did. America and the world was significantly better off because of this.

Now we have the 9/11 generation and the War in Iraq. Islamofacists want to kill us all. Those that want to go on Oprah or Phil Donahue (thankfully canceled) and talk out our differences do not understand that the gap is not bridgeable. They want to kill us, we wish they would not do so. That does not leave much room for common ground.

From the Maccabees to Pearl Harbor, good was united against evil. I pray to Almighty God that those that truly believe that civilization and barbarism are equivalent will stop trying to get in the way of those who truly do wish to see civilization win. Some say that evil wins when good people do nothing. Evil wins when those who have the opportunity to support good are unable to tell the difference…or worse…know the difference, and refuse to care.

The Islamofacists are genocidal lunatics. They need to be rooted out with overwhelming brute military force. As Mr. Blankley reminds us, this is the West’s last chance. If we fail to support the military solution, there may be nobody left alive on our side to engage in dialogue.


Joining the Jewish Journal and Suing Santa Claus

Thursday, December 25th, 2008

In 2007 I told the simple tale of my youthful class action lawsuit against Santa Claus.

In 2008 I wish a Merry Christmas to my New Testament worshiping brethren (While apologizing for the hostile behavior of my liberal Jewish friends towards the biggest supporters of Israel on Earth).

I also wish a Happy Hanukkah to the 14 million fellow Hebrews that have helped carry on almost 6000 years of traditions.

For those who have now noticed, I have had the pleasure of joining the Jewish Journal.

The Jewish Journal is the premier Jewish magazine of Los Angeles.

I have been very tough on the Jewish Journal, referring to it over the years as the JLJ, aka the Jewish Liberal Journal. Nevertheless, some on the left offer fake promises of diversity. The Jewish Journal has decided to take a chance on somebody that is likely to inflame much of their readership. Their point of view that having a liberal tilt is sensible given the liberal tilt of the overall Jewish community is not without merit.

Nevertheless, the young Jewish community is less reflexively liberal. Now as time goes by, we shall see if those on the left that proclaim their love for diversity are interested in intellectual and ideological diversity.

As for the Jewish Journal, I am a guest in their home, and genuinely appreciate the invitation.

I have three Fatwas currently against me….one from a Palestinian group, one from the Daily Kos, and one from the National Organization for Women.

Nevertheless, today is a day of peace, not counting the soccer moms preparing to race to the mall and kill each other over whatever the 2008 version of the Furby is declared cool by marketers.

So in the spirit of peace, I shall even reach out to liberals. Liberals like to sue people. I therefore present my lawsuit Christmas special column.

Luckily for me, I like movie theatres, bowling alleys, and Chinese food.While today is not a holiday for me, I will confine my remarks to my memories of December 25th, and what the day represents.

First of all, as a follower of the Hebrew faith, if I ever try to run for political office, let’s get my scandal out of the way right now (no, not those scandals, the other one). When I was eight years old I tried to sue Santa Claus.

I did not know what a class action lawsuit was, but I went to my parents, and told them that if enough of my Jewish friends got together, we could file a discrimination claim against that fat, red (redacted). It just did not seem fair that he kept skipping over my house. I was a good kid (I stand by that statement).

Besides, I liked football, and Santa was built like an offensive tackle. Maybe he skipped my home because he was a 49ers fan. He did wear red, and some gold. I never did see him in silver and black. Yet I could not help think that he had a problem with the Jews. He never wore Blue and White either. Some people tried to patronize me with Hanukkah Harry. Sorry folks, that is like getting a 3 Stooges episode with Shemp. It just is not the same.

Now that I am older, I realize that God showed his love for the Israelites by making their holy day on a Saturday. This was so there is little to no conflict with the National Football League. Christians have to go to church on Sunday, and I know there are many devout Christian fathers who feel that the best way to worship the lord is with a soda and a bag of chips, and men grappling in inclement whether over an oblate spheroid.

I remember icy Decembers in New York, with ripped gloves. It allowed me to catch the football better. My parents were horrified, since they did not want the neighbors to think we were poor, when we were comfortably middle class. I did get several pairs of gloves that year, and they all got ripped playing ball, and I wore them ripped.

Some say life was simpler back then, but that is a lie. I was just too young to know any better. I did not know as a child that the Anti-Defamation League or the Equal Employment Opportunities Commission existed. There was no redress for me to go after Santa. Plus, my paper route was not enough to pay the filing fee anyway. Then again, had Santa not been anti-Semitic, I might be a liberal today, begging for free toys without doing anything to earn them. As a proud conservative republican, my kids will not rely on some overweight, out of shape has-been to get the job done.

There. I feel better already.

Santa…I’ve got my eye on you. I’ve got the legal papers, and made sure the big words were spelled correctly. If I see you skipping any houses, you better have a good explanation.

Off to find out if Reindeer meat is Kosher. Time to take down Rudolph before any more religious hatred is spread.

No, not really. Happy Holidays all!

Time to sleep in and relax. I have work on Friday. Unlike Santa, I can’t be out all night playing with animals. I have responsibilities.


Lighting candles and smacking women 2008 Hanukkah Style

Wednesday, December 24th, 2008

Light a candle, smack a woman

What is not to like about Hanukkah? We get to play with fire. It’s like July 4th, except we smacked around Brits instead of Greeks.

Speaking of smacking around, nothing has changed since Hanukkah 2007 except the date. So below I offer Hanukkah tips with 2008 updates on when it is perfectly acceptable to slap around women.

Fresh from a ton of parties on the second night of Hanukkah, I now need to prepare for partying on the third night. I love this holiday. Since I do not drink alcohol, smoke tobacco, or do drugs, I will stick with my vice of choice…women.

2008 Update: I have spent the first 3 nights at home relaxing. The partying starts tonight, but will be based in Los Angeles, unlike my coast to coast partying in different cities. Judaism is not recession proof, and Bernie Madoff did not help matters. The social calendar in New York and Miami will have to wait until March.

Sticking with women, one of the reasons Judaism is seen as “weak” by outsiders, and why Jewish men are seen as “momma’s boys,” is because our religion emasculates men. Of course we call it “celebrating women,” but it is out and out emasculation of men. We have holidays specifically dedicated to the power of women.

That is another reason to love Hanukkah. It is pure male testosterone. We came, we saw, and we conquered. We kicked some rumpus. Pure military force allowed the Maccabees to just smack around the enemy like they were women in need of a good backside slap.

For those of you wondering why out of nowhere I am deliberately advocating the denigration of an entire gender, just relax, the twist is coming any sentence now.

Ever since the feminist mistake, women have been up in arms looking for ways to exact vengeance on the male gender. It was supposed to be about the right to vote, and equal work for equal pay. Now it is about attempting to destroy men. Unfortunately for the radical feminists (redundant, I know), they are cannibals. They eat their own. They betray each other. They do more to commit violence against their fellow females than most men ever could.

Therefore, in the spirit of Hanukkah, I will describe 8 situations where it is perfectly acceptable to abuse women physically, sexually, or psychologically, one for each night. You can take these women and paddle their backsides, and there will be no consequences, unless gratification is a consequence. Do not worry about the feminists getting angry, which is how they normally go through life. They will allow this abuse to happen. So for those of you out there looking to abuse women, here are the eight acceptable situations.

1) The male sexual predator has to be politically liberal. Ted Kennedy and Bill Clinton have carte blanche to abuse women. If the woman ends up dead, it is acceptable, provided that the abuser is pro-choice on abortion. Of course they will be pro-choice, because that way they can be irresponsible and be able to get rid of the evidence. If abortion is not the way to get rid of the evidence, driving over a bridge is plan b. Kathleen Willey and Paula Jones…sorry ladies. The feminists do not care. Anita Hill? No evidence required. Republicans do not get this exemption, even if they are pro-choice. Sorry Bob Packwood.

In fact, the NOW announced that Bill Clinton should be praised because after he tried to get lewd with Kathleen Willey, he did not try a second time. He took no for an answer. Therefore, every man in America gets one free chance to cop a feel.

2008 Update: Eliot Spitzer gets an exemption as well. Not only is he wealthy limousine liberal that rails against the wealthy, but he paid for the sex. Therefore, implied consent from Ashle Dupree renders any rumpus whacking to be obligatory. For $5,000 an hour, I might let Spitzer hit me on the @ss for 6 minutes to get $500 bucks.

2) The woman can be a beauty pageant contestant. They are fair game for being violated. Feminists hate beauty queens, due to obvious jealousy. Angry women have more wrinkle lines. Desiree Washington alleged rape against Mike Tyson, and I do not recall any feminist groundswell.

2008 Update: Sarah Palin became the subject of a porn movie called “Nailin’ Palin.” Let’s see Caroline Kennedy be featured in a movie called “Being Mrs. Schlongberg,” and see how funny liberals find it. Every feminist in America that can’t stand being significantly uglier than Sarah Palin inside and outside should get a slap on their rump until they apologize for their vitriol towards the wonderful human being that is Sarah Palin.

3) The woman must be politically conservative. Radio djs recently advocated raping Laura Bush and Condoleeza Rice. Stone cold silence. I can advocate taking a paddle to Hillary’s badonkadonk and believe you me the secret service will have something to say about it as soon as they find out what a badonkadonk is.

2008 Update: The “abort Palin” t-shirts are another example of high brow liberal sophistication and wit.

4) Poor and/or ugly women are not given the same protection as attractive women, provided the women are not too attractive as to be in a beauty pageant. If a woman is considered hideously ugly, a man can abuse her because nobody would believe that he would be interested anyway. If the man is considered handsome, then the case is closed. There is no way Bill Clinton could have raped Juanita Broderick. He is considered pleasing to look at, while she is not.

2008 Update: Anybody vile enough to have an adult video of Michael Moore giving a spanking to Rosie O’Donnell should be ashamed of themselves. Whoever you are, you disgust me for even bringing it up.

5) Muslim women can and should be beaten as often as possible. From Detroit to Dubai, from Afghanistan to Zambia, the feminists condone the brutal beating of Muslim women. The feminists really struggle with this one, because they want to be against male violence towards women, but those who abuse the Koran for their own evil purposes also tend to hate republicans, especially George W. Bush. Besides, if they succeed in destroying America, and we become part of the Caliphate, there will be no republicans left. If some women get beaten in the process, such collateral damage is part of a greater good.

2008 Update: Some women were brutally murdered in Mumbai this year. Feminists kept silent. Normally this would be a good thing, but the one time they should unshut their traps, they say nothing.

6) Non-Muslim women in Muslim nations are entitled to 40 lashes at a minimum. Any woman that allows a teddy bear to be named Mohammed should know better. The feminists of America will not speak up to save her. They will treat her as if she smoked tobacco or caused global warming. To get an exemption, one has to submit to Islam and denounce all republicans, primarily George W. Bush. This how Nancy the Pelosiraptor escaped her lashes. She wore a Burkha, sipped Tea with Assad, and denounced the tyranny of an American President.

2008 Update: Women in Afghanistan are now free from beatings. Liberals would rather condemn George W. Bush and erase his Presidency, allowing these women to get spanked harder than the Pelosiraptor did recently by Obama and Rahm Emanuel. They called the show “Charles in Charge,” not Charlene in Charge.

7) Prostitutes can be beaten. Feminists will go insane when some radio shock jock refers to women as “nappy headed hos.” Some feminists will even criticize music that refers to women as b*tches and hos. Ironically, these same feminists will not stick up for actual hos getting pimp slapped by…well, pimps, I guess. It could be because prostitutes tend to be attractive, and feminists despise women who succeed by being pretty and offering sexuality, whether they be strippers, call girls, etc. Besides, many women have lost their men to these women. Once Hugh Grant cheated on Elizabeth Hurley, aka proof that perfection exists, no woman was safe anywhere.

Before going further, all people are prostitutes. I am a corporate slut. I will not compromise my principles, unless there is money in it for me. I sold out to the establishment for money, and got a decent haircut. The old joke is quite true. A man asks a woman if she will sleep with him for a million dollars, and she says that she would. The man then asks if she would for $10. She responds that she is not a hooker. The man explains to her that, “we’ve already established that you’re a hooker, now we’re just negotiating the price.”

2008 Update: Ashle Dupree is getting no love from the feminists. She got tossed under the bus faster than the male hooker running a prostitution ring out of the house of Barney Frank. Now if Eliot Spitzer was caught having sex with Barney Frank…no, never mind. The left would be angry that they were forced to sneak around rather than get married. The House of Frank is like the House of Saud. They are equally financially corrupt.

8.) Women can be beaten in the movies. After all, the feminists cannot advance their agenda unless society is convinced that every white, conservative investment banker in the movies is busy sexually violating minority women in between drinking oil flavored martinis at lunch and chopping down trees for sport. After all, if both genders actually felt life was getting better between them, the feminists would have no power. They are the angry, white liberal versions of Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. Exacerbating hostility between the genders allows these feminists to have something to do. Most women in Hollywood are liberals, but since Hollywood is about acting, the more liberal the woman on the screen, the more oppressed she is. Only in real life are liberal women protected.

2008 Update: Jesse Jackson threatened to do to Obama what Hillary threatens to do to Bill every night. So Jesse Jackson actually is an angry woman. Obama’s election was the emotional equivalent of a paddling to Jackson, who as of now has been knocked into irrelevance. May he take the equally irrelevant NOW with him.

I want to make it clear that I support women receiving equal pay for equal work. I also support women achieving full equality in society, because if the radical feminists ever do shut up, men and women will be better off. We will not have to listen to women comparing marriage to slavery while secretly praying for flowers and a wedding ring from a strong, smart Adonis who will turn them into paddle Queens.

It is very important that men do not try to physically or sexually abuse women who are politically liberal, the correct amount of attractiveness, or the wrong religion or ethnicity. For those who are still unclear which women are fair game and which women are off limits, Barbara Boxer’s office will be publishing a list of the women she has defended and ignored over the last three decades. The list will be available in Spanish, Braille, and Ebonics. Coincidentally, Ms. Boxer herself is the first woman in the protected column, meaning that conservative republican men should not even think about spanking her liberal hide.

The world now knows the 8 categories of acceptable abuse of womyn, one for each night of Hanukkah. May the men of this world enjoy this testosterone driven holiday, and as for the women of America, I suggest you join a protected group very soon.

Ok, off to find my tennis racket and go visit a certain republican Jewish brunette. Don’t worry sweetie, I will bring some ointment for you after I am done. You may object to this, but you do not have a say. The feminists will not defend you, since your beliefs justify my misogyny.

2008 Update: The Chicago Cannonball is a liberal. My republican Jewish brunette paddling days are over unless the Chicago Cannonball becomes politically conservative. The chances of me becoming pregnant are equally great.

Actually, I have no desire to hurt anyone, although I would not mind the radical feminists having their mouths ductaped while I am trying to watch football. They could voluntarily shut up until the commercials, but that has never happened.

The bottom line is either all women should get abused, or none of them should get abused. I prefer none of them get abused. I also prefer to live in a world where feminists actually stop promoting a liberal agenda, and start fighting for all women to be treated with respect. Men and women would both benefit from this.


Hanukkah 2008–Iran is still nuts

Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008

Although I am not an environmentalist, I am recycling Hanukkah columns for several reasons. My internet has been dreadful since a power failure several days ago, and while some of my columns are badly written and lacking relevant time value, somehow my Hanukkah columns fail to meet that threshold. It could be because this one deals with Iran, and they are, were, and may always be nuts.

Before getting to the 2007 rehash with occasional 2008 updates, I was given the best Hanukkah presents a guy could ask for. The Chicago Bears and Green Bay Packers went into overtime on Monday Night Football, a fabulous way of showing honor to the working man. More importantly, I received a package from Idaho today from one of our vendors filled with…MEAT!

Ribeyes, flanks, choice cuts…beef aplenty. I can’t stop staring at it. Between the cubes and the filets and the ground chuck…I cry with joy thinking about it. Later tonight will be steak heaven, and NFL Week 17 this coming Sunday, the 8th Hanukkah night, will be the beef equivalent of hog heaven.

I am too choked up to say any more. To quote Mike Myers from an old Saturday Night Live episode, “I am feclempt in the genechtichazoid. I have a little shpilkas.” Now to party like it’s 2007, and refocus my attention from meat to meatballs, that being the Mullahs of Iran, after a few more pointless stories.

As the wonderful holiday of Hanukkah entered its second night, Jewish people engaged in behavior that strict Islam forbids, that being drinking alcohol and gambling.

The Jewish religion is loaded with alcohol. We even have two drinking holidays, one in March and one in September. Sometimes we show solidarity with our Catholic brethren when the March one coincides with St. Patricks Day. Before delving into the consequences of alcohol, a happy Hanukkah story for you.

Two religious Jews in a synagogue could not find a Menorah with less than an hour before the first night of Hanukkah. Yes, I still remain incredulous that a synagogue would not have a Menorah laying around, but I witnessed this incident myself. These two very enterprising young men quickly between them drank 8 bottles of beer. A Menorah actually has holes for 9 candles, with one of them being higher than the other 8. Therefore, these two creative, but at this point inebriated men drank a bottle of what they referred to as “Rabbi Smirnoff.”

At this point these devoted, pious, and completely blitzed individuals did what any blasted individuals would do at this point…play with matches. By taking candles and lighting them, this created wax. The wax was used to fuse the bottles of beer and vodka together to form a makeshift Menorah. In a reversal on the story of Hanukkah, they had enough alcohol for 8 nights, but miracle of miracles, they drank it all on the first night.

I remember these two guys dancing on the table that night. While they were highly entertaining, the lesson I learned from that night is that for those who want to witness human stupidity, just add alcohol, mix, and wait.

It is in this spirit of overindulging on spirits that I bring up the issue of Iran. Liberals everywhere have just declared world peace, and I can only hope that they all came back from a drinking party at Ted Kennedy’s compound. Otherwise, an entire political party is engaging in mind boggling stupidity, reminding us again that, to quote rock group Spinal Tap, “The more it stays the same, the less it changes.”

The National Intelligence Estimate has stated that Iran stopped trying to pursue Nuclear Weapons in 2003. The implications are that Iran is no longer a dangerous threat to the world, President Bush knew about this, and he purposely and dastardly hid this information so that the Neocons could deliberately wage war with Iran.

Ok liberals, put down the peace pipes and stop smoking whatever illegal substance is inside them. Once again, the suicide of logical reasoning needs to be stopped before we invite Armageddonijad to Friday night synagogue services for jelly donuts, latkes (potato pancakes) and games of Dreidel.

The report is called the NIE, which stands for National Intelligence…what was that word again? Oh yeah…estimate. It is not called the NIC, or National Intelligence Certainty.

Why is it that reports of countries trying to kill America and blow up the world are considered sketchy, but that countries refusing to murder us are taken at face value, no questions asked?

Iraq was thought to have WMD. They were never found, leading many to think President Bush lied, or at worst was incompetent. I have maintained that Saddam did have WMD, he hid them in Syria, and even if there were no WMD, I never cared. The left said we were waging war over WMD because they desperately wanted to have it both ways, depending upon how the war went. We went to war to get rid of Saddam, and we were right.

Libya learned form the Iraq War. Iran did not. Khadafi decided to become normal. Armageddonijad went bonkers.

Saddam acted like he had WMD. Even if he was lying, who cares? If a group claims responsibility for a terrorist attack that they are innocent of just so they can burnish the Arab version of “Street Cred,” then they deserve to get blown to kingdom come.

Armageddonijad is acting like he is on the verge of nuclear weapons. It is he who is saber rattling, not George W. Bush.

Can the NIE be right? Yes. Does it matter? No. Should we blow up Iran anyway? Yes.

Yes, you all heard me correctly. I am advocating that either Iran immediately decides to knock it off, or they and Syria will be turned into 50,000 hole golf courses. They fund Hamas and Hezbollah. They control the world’s supply of oil. They think we are imperialist now? Let’s show them some real imperialism. The slogan can be “kick their @ss and take their gas.”

Jews live today to celebrate Hanukkah due to one thing and one thing only, and that is the appropriate use of overwhelming military force.

I say again that we should take an American flag and shove it up Armageddonijad’s hide until he goes to the toilet red, white and blue. Given his love for the Jewish people, we can hang the Israeli flag from his two tiny weapons of mass sexual dysfunction. In fact, in the same way we brought down Noriega with rock music, we can do the same with Armageddonijad. I recommend George Thorogood and the Destroyers singing, “Move over little dog, there’s a mean old dog moving in.” That big dog’s name is America.

Respected republican pollster Frank Luntz emphasized that the Israelis do not believe the NIE report, and while my heart bleeds American, Israeli intelligence is the best in the world. So before we start inviting Armageddonijad to go shopping with us at the holiday sales at Bloomingdales, let’s keep in mind that this fellow, despite being an honorary Poison Ivy Leaguer, is a terrorist.

He played a direct role in the taking of American hostages. Every one of those 444 days back in 1980 was connected to him. He funds worldwide terrorism.

One does not need to down bottles of Rabbi Smirnoff to understand that this guy is a lunatic who on the surface is not afraid to die. Ask, and he should receive.

The Greeks tried to kill us off, and today Jews celebrate Hanukkah. The Romans tried, and as impressive as their empire was, Israel at the least matches Italy. The Germans tried, and the third Reich lasted 12 years. The Arabs try every few years inbetween plotting to kill each other.

Thousands of years later, we will not back down from a madman that wants to wipe Israel off of the map. If he truly does not have WMD, then he can let in inspectors…or we can wait until planes fly into towers, at which point the Jayson Blair Times will blame the republican president for not “doing something to prevent this.”

2008 Update: As much as Obama will get credit for things that began before he took office and be absolved of blame for things that he can claim began before he took office, one thing even the Obamamessiah cannot duck is a potential attack on America. If we are attacked, people will all of a sudden remember that President Bush kept us safe. Even the Jayson Blair Times might reevaluate things, although the terrorists would most likely spare the JBT building. After all, it does not make sense to kill allies. Besides, I think they recruit there anyway, when not visiting their West Coast Campuses to find John Walker Lindh and his new friends in the Facebook Jihad Group.

We can try crippling sanctions until the country cracks, which would only hurt the Iranian people. North Korea is proof that this can fail. Or, we can repeal the law banning political assassinations, and take the madmen of Iran out. That includes every Mufti, Mullah, Ayatollah, Ayamufti, Muftitolah, and other multisyllabic hybrids that are merely Persian for the word “terrorists.”

Some will say that if we act this way, then they will. They already are, or did people not notice a British woman being threatened with death for a teddy bear named after the Prophet? Perhaps people forgot about Daniel Pearl and Theo Van Gogh.

2008 Update: Mumbai India…Arab Muslim Terrorists murdered Jews and peace loving Indians. Liberals responded by pointing out that they hate George W. Bush, and it was all his fault. Conservatives debated whether to drop their pro-life views so that liberals would have as many abortions as possible to prevent more future apologists.

Enough is enough. Iran is claiming they will soon have weapons. The NIE report to me is toilet paper. It can be used to clean up the Mullah’s palaces when they are eliminated.

At the very bare minimum, which is all I ever expect from the left anyway, let’s be calm about this NIE report. Armageddonijad is a serious problem. World peace did not break out today.

I want to celebrate Hanukkah next year with my fellow Jews. I also want to celebrate July 4th with my fellow Americans. This cannot be done if we are wiped off of the map. Just because some report by a flawed agency says that it will not happen tomorrow does not mean we should forget about the day after that.

Off to play Dreidel while listening to my favorite 1950s songs,”Yakkety Yak, Bomb Iraq,” by the Coasters, and “Bomb Iran,” by the Beach Boys.

2008 Update: It is one thing for a private citizen and blogger that gets ripped daily by some of his own readers to sing songs of blowing up infidels. It is another for Presidential candidate to do so.

I still think it’s funny, and I still think America should print as many offensive cartoons as possible. Some will say that will make us hated. Oh the horror…hateful savages that believe in violence may act like savages and resort to violence.

Besides, if we do shove the Israeli flag up Armageddonijad’s hide, we can then spin him around and see which way he lands. I think I just invented a new religious game.

Spin the Mullah! It’s time to serve up Latkes and play Armadreidelijad!


Happy Chaka Khan 2008

Monday, December 22nd, 2008

Happy Chaka Khan 2008!

I wished you all a Happy Chaka Khan in 2007, and am offering only minor updates for 2008.

What can I say? For those who do not celebrate this lovely holiday, “I feel for you.” For those who truly want good things in life, the world truly does need “higher love.”

2008 Update: This will be the best Hanukkah ever. It began just as the Carolina Panthers and New York Giants were battling for NFL home field supremacy, and it will be ending just as the Denver Broncos and San Diego Chargers battle for the AFC West crown and officially end the regular season. A holiday that begins and ends with NFL Football…I thank God and NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.

As the Hebrews get ready to celebrate the festival of lights, I shall use the next 8 days to either expand or drive away my audience, depending on any number of factors.

Both spellings of the holiday have 8 letters, so if you add a C, you subtract a K. It is Chanukah or Hanukkah.

First, let’s dispel some myths. People like to pass on beautiful stories of miracles. People hear that the Jewish fighters only had enough oil for one day, and miracle of miracles, the oil magically lasted for 8 days. For those of you with small children, have them leave the room so some hard truths can be discussed.

Santa Claus is not real, Palestinians are an invented fictional people, the secret formula for Coca Cola is (redacted), and the person who shot JFK was (redacted). Oh, and this oil lasting for 8 days is a bunch of mularkey.

So what is Hanukkah? Folks, Hanukkah is my favorite holiday because it is the Jewish version of July 4th. It is a Neocon’s fantasy. As a Neocon, I never get tired of the true story of Hanukkah. We fought some Greeks in battle, and b*tchslapped them. That’s it. People think of the Jewish people as constantly suffering and weak. Actually, our history has been our military strength. I have nothing against the Greek people of today, but back then they were the bad guys. They destroyed the first Holy Temple, but we took care of them. Gorgias? Get out of here! Nicanor? Knock it off!

We royally smacked them around, and they have not been a power since. We are still here. For those that are troubled by this…deal with it.

Yet the actual celebration of Hanukkah is a tad bittersweet for those that are educated about this holiday. We as Jews won the battle but lost the war.

What I mean by this is that there was a major difference between how the Jews and the Greeks celebrated their holidays. Greeks celebrated holidays created in the wake of their military victories, which were many. Jewish tradition was to not name holidays after military successes. We did not glorify blood triumphs.

The Greeks wanted Jews to assimilate, or they would kill us. Thankfully we never had to face that threat again. Just kidding. Jews were fighting for the right to remain independently Jewish, without forced assimilation into Greek culture. So after Judah Maccabbee and his brothers helped the people of Israel crush the Greeks in battle, the first thing they did was hoist a flag of victory and declare this military victory a Jewish holiday. So after fighting for the right to prevent assimilation, we adopted a Greek tradition we were against. To this day, some would argue that what Hitler failed to do to the Jews, we do to ourselves through a 52% intermarriage rate.

Cynical people would say that we broke the war rule because we were so used to losing that even we were shocked to have won, and were concerned we may never win anything again. These people can (x-rated, redacted) themselves. Others say that we needed to adopt different traditions to give us flexibility in the future so that we would face less internal conflict when Jewish teenagers needed a historical justification for skirt-hiking and balling Roman Catholic teenage girls. Actually, only I say that, but I am right.

The bottom line is Hanukkah, while my favorite holiday, is the least important holiday in the Jewish calendar. It is an excuse to party for 8 days, or 14 days if you count pre and post Hanukkah parties. The only reason Hanukkah gets any attention is because it occurs around the same time as Christmas.

2008 Update: As of this writing I will either travel to Florida to see the parents, Chicago to see the Chicago Cannonball, Lancaster, CA to see a friend I grew up with, or stay at home in Los Angeles. In past years I would have done all 4 over 8 days, but this year will be less hectic. I just realized that only I care about this update, which is becoming a desperate attempt to add new material. Back to the story of Hanukkah.

Briefly returning to the Neocon aspect of this holiday, the true lesson of Hanukkah is a political one that the 70-80% of Jews that like to sing Kumbaya with those that hate our guts would do well to heed. The lesson of Hanukkah is simple. Force works. There is no dialogue or negotiation with those that refuse to recognize your right to exist. Survival is not pretty. It often involves spilling large amount of blood. When your enemy is on their knees with their face bleeding, negotiation is possible.

2008 Update: The Jewish community still needs cranial-glutial extraction surgery, with the 20-30% of right of center Jews getting a sensibility exemption.

The other lesson that comes from the Jews during this time is the idea of mercy. We did not rape the Greek women, chop heads and limbs off, enslave their people, or indiscriminately engage in deliberate cruelty. We defended ourselves. In keeping with the values that unite Jews and Americans to this day, both remain a people that use their power for noble and good purposes. America through its economic and military power, and American Jews through their sense of justice, help feed, clothe, protect, and defend others all around the word, many of whom are neither Jewish nor American.

Hanukkah is a celebration of serious life saving accomplishments, but it is also a lighthearted holiday filled with food, alcohol, and candle lighting ceremonies around the world. Life for the Hebrew people has had much darkness, but for the next 8 nights there is only light.

2008 Update: The candles may come in handy. I had a power failure a few days ago, and for a few brief hours my life was like the 13th century. I had to walk 2 blocks in under 60 degree weather to the local hotel to watch Monday Night Football and eat dinner. The Indianapolis Colts beat the Jacksonville Jaguars, nad eternal darkness in my home did not prevent me from reaching the promised land, a tv showing the game. I am more concerned they did not delay the start of the game until my tv came back on.

So as I light candles and hope that a certain young Hebrew brunette will show up at my door wearing a blue and white Hanukkah bow…and only a Hanukkah bow (negotiations are ongoing)…I look forward to the next 8 nights.

2008 Update: The Chicago Cannonball remains my woman, and she is a brunette. Other Jewish brunettes need not apply, even republican ones. Actually, feel free to apply. It will not change things. The Cannonball is a good woman, and that is the best Hanukkah wish a guy could ask for.Of course, the Oakland Raiders beating the Houston Texans is nice as well.

Happy Hanukkah everybody! Shalom!