Archive for December, 2010

My 2011 State of the Blog Address

Friday, December 31st, 2010

Last year I rang in an entirely new decade by bringing the world my 2010 State of the Blog Address.

Given that these decade thingies only happen every 8-12 years or so, this year I shall underwhelm even the most underwhelmed with the uncreatively titled 2011 State of the Blog Address.

My fellow Americans, you have all seen the state of the TYGRRRR EXPRESS, and I shall now speak slowly using ellipses (them funny 3 dot thingies) for extra powerful emphasis.

The state of the TYGRRRR…EXPRESS…is…strong!

(No piped in clapping noises or artificial enthusiasm…budget cuts.)

While 2010 has been a tough year for many, I give you my solemn vow that if you trust me to lead you, 2010 by tomorrow will be nothing but a memory!

I will not promise to create a job, but I will bring you Jib-Jab! So long to you 2010!

For those tired of my 38 year old attitude, fear not. In a little over a week I turn 39.

The best present you can give me with perhaps the exception of actual real expensive presents is your presence and your friendship.

I will now be announcing that I am not running for President in 2012. The job is a pay cut and a loss of prestige.

I shall continue to blog.

I shall continue to be often wrong, but never in doubt.

I shall continue to go through life like a Roman Empire hedonist, although with Hebrew leanings.

I shall remain politically conservative, morally liberal, and totally and completely off kilter.

I shall now recognize people in the audience who nobody could possibly dislike to score points with the crowd. All of you, stand up. Now sit down.

My teleprompter is working fine, I just refuse to pay attention to it.

I shall now get to the point in every speech where even the worst speakers gain the gratitude of the sleeping audience.

In conclusion, blah blah blah, better, stronger, smarter, tougher, kinder, gentler, something-er or other-er.

This concludes my 2011 State of the Blog Address.

God Bless you, God bless America, God bless the TYGRRRR EXPRESS, God bless the National Football league, God bless eating establishments serving dead cows with various potato derivatives, and God bless scantily clad Republican Jewish brunettes everywhere.

Bring it on 2011! I can handle it, although I may get a late start and sleep in to save my strength. The rest of you get to work.

Happy New Year all!

eric   :)

My Continued Civil Rights Heroism

Thursday, December 30th, 2010

As a new year approaches, I continue my annual tradition of not making New Year’s resolutions. I find them pointless. People make them for only two purposes. The first reason is to feel good taking a principled stand before breaking the resolutions. The second reason is to brag loudly to friends and then disobey the resolutions. The second reason is much worse because it is better to be a quiet phony than become a loud insufferable one.

One reason I go after so many liberal groups is because they are insufferable phonies.

As we all know, the National Organization for Women are a bunch of hags and harpies who do not care about women at all. They defend liberal male misogynists and attack conservative women routinely.

The NAACP has zero interest in helping blacks. They routinely attack conservative blacks while defending guilty white liberal racists.

Liberal Jewish organizations care about liberalism and claim it is Judaism. Republican Jews need not apply, while leftist anti-Semites like the Daily Kos, Huffington Post,, and Code Pink are given lifetime passes to your favorite hatred theme park.

Now animal rights activists have decided to abandon their principals in favor of ramming their heads up a certain leftist leader’s hide.

President Barack Obama recently called Phladelphia Eagles Owner Jeffrey Lurie because Lurie is married to one of these Laurie David type environmental greeniacs who thinks that because she married a guy who owns a team, she can impose her utopia on the fans. Sorry to disappoint her, but most fans care about their team winning on Sunday, not what cups they drink the beverages out of. Anyway, I will leave her intrusiveness for another day.

Mr. Obama praised Mr. Lurie for giving Michael Vick a second chance by allowing him to play for the Eagles. Mr. Vick was a rising NFL star when he went to prison for two years for dogfighting. I personally have zero objections to Vick playing again. He served his time. I will have more to say about that in the future as well. His actions were vile and criminal, and he was punished. I also have zero objections to Mr. Obama commenting on the matter. After all, given his reputation for being an effeminate beta male who bowls a 37, commenting about football makes him sound like an actual guy.

My objection is with the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. They issued a statement supporting the president for offering compassion for Vick. What a bunch of morally bankrupt hypocrites they are.

I am not an animal rights activist. So Vick playing does not violate my burning passion that gets me out of bed in the morning. Animal rights groups have been hanging Vick from nooses (Hanging black people from nooses is not racist when leftists do it) and burning him in effigy (again, lynching is fine so long as the accelerant is poured by liberals) and recommending that he be put to death (Ironically they are usually against the death penalty for murder, proving again they care for animals more than people).

So Vick is in the animal rights world the personification of evil. Yet Barack Obama showing compassion for Vick is perfectly acceptable. Why is this the case?

Because Obama is a leftist. If George W. Bush had made that phone call the leftist animal rights activists would be screaming in rage. Remember, these are the people chanting “meat is murder.” These are the people comparing the operations at Kentucky Fried Chicken to slavery and the Holocaust.

These are the people who howled when Sarah Palin went hunting on her new television show. Yet Barack Obama shows compassion to their public enemy number one, and there is stone cold silence. Maybe if Michael Vick announced that he converted to Christianity in prison and asked for a tax cut, they would finally go after him again.

Consistency means intellectual integrity. I supported Vick being allowed back in the league, so I cannot and will not criticize President Obama for expressing the same sentiment. PETA has shown that it is nothing more than another leftist interest group, and that some people are allowed to support Vick with zero consequences.

I have devised a sure fire way to tell if somebody engaging in a cause is sincere. If they do it and shut up about it, they care. If they brag to everybody under the sun so they can get invited to socially conscious dinner parties, they are full of cr@pola.

So my advice to every group is to just shut up. Be gay and shut up. Drive a Prius, just shut up. Care about bunny rabbits more than human beings, just shut up.

Or, you can be like me. I frequently brag about my heroism. I shall now confess that my motives were not altruistic.

I declared my civil rights heroism when I became the second coming of Rosa Parks. Except in my case I gave up my seat on a bus to a black woman.

I confess, I did not deserve an NAACP award. I was getting off at the stop anyway.

I declared myself an animal rights hero when I told a girl in a bar to “Save a horse, ride a cowboy.”

I confess, I did not care about animals. I was trying to get her naked so she could scream like a wild animal banshee for me. Plus, Big and Rich are cool.

I declared myself a hero to the gay rights movement by offering a brilliant compromise that makes the political compromises of centuries past seem inconsequential by comparison. I offered to support increased gay rights for men but ban them for women.

I confess, gay men are doing me a favor by reducing my competition while lesbians are selfish, not thinking about my needs.

I even offered to compromise further on my own compromise, supporting the rights of “attractively challenged” lesbians to stay together while only restricting the hot ones.

I confess, hot women need to stop being so in love with each other and start focusing on me. I will even sleep with both of them if that helps them bond later on.

You see how easy it is to claim to care? People who brag about carbon footprint reductions and other offsets know they are phonies. They just need to shut up about it.

Well today I am launching my newest civil rights heroism initiative.

I am now going to support integration.

No, I am not talking about calculus. I know that tangent is opposite over adjacent, but I don’t know what I just said. I did at one time. Tangent is also what this paragraph is about to be, so let me refocus. Back to integration.

It is time for ebony and ivory to come together. It is time to let the white and the black come together in my home. It will be a peaceful, clean union.

For those who hate mixing, shame on you. I will no longer live in a world where there is segregation by color.

From now on, no more separating lights and darks.

My laundry loads will be mixed, and I don’t care if Jesse Jackson or Pat Buchanan has a problem with this.

It is nobody’s business what I do with my unmentionables. I don’t even let the women I date see what gets tossed in there. It is not their d@mn business. Unlike a past president, boxers or briefs is not your concern.

If they end up gray, so what? It is called underclothing for a reason, something high school kids really need to understand when contemplating new fashions in “outerware.”

If America can elect a mulatto as our leader, I sure as heck will not be told to separate and do separate laundry cycles. To quote Colonel Nathan R. Jessup, “I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself.”

This action also makes me an environmental hero, since doing fewer loads means using less water.

Why should I spend money at Victoria’s Secret getting my new romantic administration pink (redacted) for her lovely (redacted)? Throwing a red t-shirt in with the whites does the same d@mn thing.

So now I am a civil rights hero, an environmental hero, and a sensitive male who understands that saving money allows me to spend money on women for more useful purchases, such as NFL Playoff tickets.

To thank you all for appreciating my heroism, I will continue in 2011 to do what the purpose of the TYGRRR EXPRESS blog has been from the beginning. I will expose leftist hypocrites for the charlatans they are and call them out on their ideological bigotry.

You Republicans, don’t think you get away unscathed. Don’t preach family values and then screw everything in sight, including little boys. Either keep it in your d@mn pants, or be like me, run wild and free, and refuse to discuss morality.

I prefer the first option for Republican leaders and the second option for me. Now that is consistency I can believe in.

Now since Mr. Obama is obsessed with change, he can make himself useful and get me a roll of quarters. Laundry is not cheap.

Actually, I have a washer and a dryer in my condo, but I could always use the quarters for the soda machine. No dollar bill is ever crisp enough to satisfy that beast.

Now to help spread racial peace and love throughout the world, or at least throughout my apartment. The dryer is done, and unless a hot Republican Jewish brunette is going to show up at my door in a French maid’s uniform, I will have to fold the d@mn stuff myself.

Happy 2011 America.

You’re welcome.


Barack Obama, Meet Susan Boyle

Wednesday, December 29th, 2010

For those who did not know I have a Susan Boyle swimsuit pinup calendar, now you do.

Yet as a combination of her sexiness and cabin fever from this hotel room and the cold outside finally gets to me, I stave off dementia by doing what any alpha male would do in this situation.

I sing show tunes out loud to myself.

(No, not really. I would kick my own @ss if I did, and would deserve it.)

I shall let Susan Boyle dream her dream in her own voice first.

I think of Barack Obama feeling the same loneliness, wondering how such a promising start went so wrong.

So as we prepare to shove 2010 under the bus where Barack Obama keeps those no longer useful to him, I wonder how beautiful it would be if Barack Obama would officially whine and complain one last time by lamenting his fate to the beautiful soothing sounds of the Boyle Goddess.

Think of it as the new version of Boyle’s Law, which even Barack Obama and phony climate change hucksters admit is settled science. Combine the ultimate in substance with Ms. Boyle and add in a heaping dose of shallow words lacking any substance to balance it out with Barack Obama.

I now present my final show tune of 2011, Barack Obama singing Susan Boyle and “I Dreamed a Dream.”

I dreamed the Dream Act wouldn’t die…

Amnesty for all of us here living…

I knew my health care plan was lies…

I dreamed God and voters would be forgiving.

I smoked and Californians toked…

The new dream to be broke and wasted…

Republican ransoms to be paid…

No taxes raised, liberals chastened.

The angry calls come at night…

A yelling voice of thunder…

Hillary hopes I fall apart…

So in 2012 my dreams she’ll plunder.

I dream Iran will come to me…

We will live our lives in peace together…

But there are dreams that cannot be…

My cap and trade can’t stop cold weather.

I had a dream my life would be…

So different from placating mad Michelle…

Can’t you all shut up, agree with me…

You’ re always wrong, I’m always right

Palin’s dumb, I am so bright

It’s not my fault, I’m just a man

Hope, change, change, hope

Hope, change, change, hope

Hope, change, change, hope

Yes we can…

Well maybe we can’t, I gave it my all

But if we can’t, it’s Bush’s fault…

At least those killed in war can ask and tell.

They got theirs.

Where is the dream I dreamed?

For those who dreamed a dream that this blog would come back tomorrow with my 2011 TYGRRRR EXPRESS State of the Blog Address, I look forward to making all of your dreams come true.

If I thoroughly disappoint you, then that just means I am less a Republican elephant and more like Dumbo the Elephant.

You know Dumbo…the singing Disney voice (and the girth, but enough about my 4am fantasies) of Susan Boyle, but the adorable ears of Barack Obama, used for everything except listening.


The Top 10 PBWGs of 2010

Tuesday, December 28th, 2010

Yesterday brought us the Top 10 Powerful Bald White Guys of the previous decade.

Now it is time to get into the Top 10 PBWGs of 2010.

As always, honorary mentions must be given to the original PBWGs, that being the ones on Law and Order barking orders authoritatively. Fred Thompson’s Arthur Branch came and went, as did Tom Everett Scott’s fantastic Eliot Spitzer based character Governor Donald Shalvoy. Yet the epitome of the Law and Order PBWGs is the character of Captain Donald Cragen, originally on the original and now on SVU.

Another honorable mention should be given to the actor in the Geico Gekko commercials. He might be better for a list of Talentless Bald White Guys, but maybe he wants us to think he is talentless. As an actor, he plays the role perfectly.

Florida Governor Rick Scott and California Governor Jerry Brown will most likely make the list in 2011, but until they actually govern I will reserve judgment. James Carville and Karl Rove are both still eagerly sought out by politicos in their respective political parties. Yet no matter how many television shows they go on, they are off the list until they become official advisers to somebody.

With that, here are the Top 10 PBWGs of 2010.

10) Silvio Berlusconi–The Prime Minister of Italy keeps losing his job, and keeps coming back. The fact that Italy seems to change governments every couple of months makes Berlusconi’s staying power all the more impressive. He is a staunch backer of the United States and Israel, but even had he never gone into politics, he still would have been Italy’s most powerful media figure. Even remove his title and he is a billionaire. How does a 72 year old man get to sleep with 18 year olds? Again, he is a billionaire. Men who find that behavior revolting are either jealous or cowering because their wives are in the room.

9) Daniel Hannan–He is the British version of Alex De Tocqueville. This British legislator is unabashedly pro-American, and is screaming at the top of his lungs for America not to follow the failed path of Europe. His screeds are must see television. If America and England get their acts together, it will be in no small part to his counsel.

8.) Irving Picard–This influential private citizen is more than just an attorney. He is the lawyer suing beneficiaries of a previous PBWG, Bernie Madoff. By going after profits that he considers ill gotten gains, he has the power to make many investors whole again. A recent 7 billion dollar settlement with one widow means he has now recovered half the defrauded money. That is impressive.

7) Scott Rasmussen/Doug Schoen–These guys are actually not the same person. Rasmussen is a Republican pollster while Schoen is a Democratic one. They are both near the center, and frequently work together. Schoen has been excoriated lately for having the nerve to put his own polling integrity above massaging the numbers to keep the base happy. Rasmussen is the same. By ignoring the unscientific public opinion polls, these men are widely respected for bringing polling results that are considered trustworthy. Schoen deserves praise for trying to return civility to politics, and conceding how his own liberal leaders are failing in this respect.

6) Ken Salazar–He is the Secretary of the Interior under Barack Obama. One way a guy becomes powerful is by having a job where nobody knows what that person actually does. For those who did not know, the Interior Secretary does not measure the White House drapes for texture or color. Salazar should add a “c” to his name and make it Salaczar. He is in control of much of America’s environmental policies. Think of a green colored Wizard of Oz.

5) David Axelrod–Barack Obama’s top political strategist makes Karl Rove look disengaged and apolitical. Barack Obama does not breathe without consulting with Axelrod. Axelrod is the link between Obama and the SEIU. Forget the Wizard of Oz. Axelrod is the guy who makes sure that the curtain the Wizard hides behind is stitched together with appropriate labor. Look for the union label on that curtain. Axelrod is there.

4) Michael J. Copps–He is not Alex P. Keaton from Family Ties. That would be Michael J. Fox. Yet while Copps does not get to sleep with Tracy Pollan, his power and influence means he probably could. He runs the Federal Communications Commission. The FCC under Copps first tried to overtly push the Fairness Doctrine, which was anything but. Now he is pushing Net Neutrality, which most certainly is not. Basically his job is to help Obama shut down any and all dissent and ban conservatives from having free speech. Net Neutrality is a poison pill and Copps is the one administering the toxin. This man should be feared.

3) Thad Allen–When the BP oil explosion happened off the Gulf Coast earlier this year, Barack Obama was helpless to solve the problem. He turned not only to a PBWG, but also to a man who resembles a walrus. People trust and like walruses, since they are as reassuring as Captain Kangaroo. As National Incident Commander, nobody knew exactly what Colonel Allen did outside of hold press conferences. I have no idea if he knew what he was talking about, but he looked commanding and authoritative. His handling of the situation was well regarded.

2) Ben Bernanke–This poor Central Banker can’t get his due. First he has to follow in the footsteps of legendary PBWGs Paul Volcker and Alan Greenspan. Then last year he finished in second place behind Hank Paulson. He may end up being the PBWG of the coming decade, but for the second straight year he is nosed out for the top spot. He was a calm steady hand during the 2008 financial crisis. Once he learns how to speak Greenspeak or some other undecipherable gibberish economist language, he will be fine.

1) Ken Feinberg–He will also be given serious consideration when the list of most dreadful New England accents is released. PBWG Jack Welch may make that list, as will pretty much everybody in New England. Feinberg is a civil administrator. So how does a bureaucrat get the top spot? He controls the 20 billion dollar slush fund that Obama extorted from BP. Yet while the money was taken using thuggish “boot on the throat” tactics, Mr. Feinberg had nothing to do with that. He is a very respected bean counter with a reputation for granite integrity.

He looks like he was born out of the womb with a red and blue diagonal necktie droning on about debits and credits. Even he must secretly find himself boring. When prostitutes were complaining that the oil spill hurt their business and they were therefore entitled to some of the money, he found a way to make a sensational headline coma inducingly dull. He responded that while some claims were more dubious than others, he would look at every little claim. Only a true technocrat could ignore a sexually charged story and respond with number crunching tediousness.

He is smart, driven, focused, and has total autocratic control over 20 billion dollars.

Also, given that he may fade into obscurity by 2011 or 2012, he will not be one of these people desperate to win this award year after year. He is comfortable in his cue ball skin. Then again, controlling billions of dollars can make most people confident and comfortable with themselves.

All Hail Ken Feinberg, the top Powerful Bald White Guy of 2010!

Well done sir!


The Top 10 PBWGs of the Decade

Monday, December 27th, 2010

I would like to apologize to all of America. I failed. I was derelict in my duty last December. Belated is better than never, unless the issue is tax hikes.

Last year I introduced the concept of the world being run by Powerful Bald White Guys, forever known here as PBWGs. I explained that to understand this group of people, watch the various television versions of “Law and Order.” PBWGs bark orders, and more importantly, look authoritative. PBWGs run the world.

I brought about the column forever known as the “Top 10 PBWGs of 2009.”

Yet in doing my end of the year wrapup, I forgot to take into account that the topic deserved to have an end of the decade wrapup as well. Had I been a blogger during the millennium, I would have come up with the Top 10 PBWGs of the millennium, or at least the century. Winston Churchill certainly would have been on the list.

So before taking time tomorrow to bring the Top 10 PBWGs of 2010, I will right my grievous wrong.

For those complaining that this list is top (not follically) with Republicans, it is because Republicans controlled the White House during the decade. Had this list been done in the 1990s, more Democrats would have been mentioned, including James Carville. 2011 will certainly put Jerry Brown on the list.

Eliot Spitzer just missed the list by one hooker. In the great movie Izzy and Moe that reunited Jackie Gleason and Art Carney from the Honeymooners, their boss yelled at them, “The New York D.A. is not above the law. The New York D.A. is the law!” Yet that D.A. was just running illegal booze during prohibition. Spitzer was drunk on power. Plus, any guy keeping his socks on during sex is off the list.

Sean Connery gets a lifetime PBWG award because he is Sean Connery.

I am sure I have left people out, but that is what makes America great.

I am a year late, but justice must be done.

Today I present the Top 10 PBWGs of the Decade.

10) Jeffrey Katzenberg/David Geffen/Jeff Zucker/Paul Shaffer

While most media types by definition are worthless, enough people think they matter. That means they matter. Katzenberg used to be a Disney guy while Geffen was a music man. With movie guy Stephen Spielberg, they formed a new company. I am not sure what they actually “do,” but that makes them even more powerful. Jeff Zucker helped drive NBC into the ground, but he is still there. When one can fail at a job and remain, one has power.

As for David Letterman’s sidekick Paul Shaffer, he gets an honorable mention just for being one of the writers of the song “It’s Raining Men.” He is loved and hated for this.

9) Bernie Kerik–He was a big deal as the top cop in New York, and 9/11 only elevated his stature. He showed leadership at one of the most trying times in America’s history. The current decade has been cruel to him thanks to a hyper-partisan witch hunt. He will bounce back. Rumors had him romantically involved with Judith Regan. If that is true, this is a reminder of why men want power to begin with.

8.) John Roberts–He is one of the finest legal minds on Earth. His bald spot might be too minimal to make this list, but his Judicial minimalism and restraint deserves him kudos for life, which thankfully is how long he will be on the bench. May that life be long.

7) Steve Ballmer/Barry Diller/Jack Welch

Unlike the entertainment executives listed above, these men ran companies that are about necessity and not luxury. People associate Diller with USA Network, but he did much more. No man is indispensable, but Jack Welch at General Electric came close. The company has gone far South since his successor took over. As for Steve Ballmer, he runs Microsoft so smoothly that Bill Gates is semi-retired. These men brought good things to life, although the jokes about GE lightbulbs burning out had some truth to them.

6) Hank Paulson–A devastating financial crisis could only be solved by a man from the company that runs our government, Goldman Sachs. Picture him as Jon Corzine except without the sinister looking felon goatee and with competence. He is also the most influential behind the scenes PBWG named Hank since “Hey Now” Hank Kinglsey kept Garry Shandling in line in the form of Jeffrey Tambor.

5) Karl Rove–His “micro-targeting” political strategy was vital to getting President George W. Bush reelected. He reveled in his notoriety but remained fiercely loyal to the boss. He is one of the great political strategists of all time.

4) Rupert Murdoch–For Americans disgusted with liberal bias in the news, Murdoch allowed conservative viewpoints to be expressed. He gave us Roger Ailes, who brought us O’Reilly, Hannity, and Beck. The left is jealous because Fox News has higher ratings than all the other cable news networks combined. In a conservative country, this is expected. Murdoch found a void, and ably filled it. His hard news division is respected by all but the most blind of leftist partisans.

3) Rudy Giuliani–He was a great Mayor in peace time. He became America’s Mayor after 9/11. He is the epitome of a leader. He turned New York into a world class city again in the 1990s, while steering the city through unimaginable tragedies in the 2000s. He is a true hero.

2) Alan Greenspan–Ben Bernanke has big shoes to fill. Greenspan may have been the only man who could be so completely boring and yet fascinate people at the same time. He was impossible to disagree with because nobody truly understood exactly what he was saying. The phrase “irrational exuberance” is now part of financial lore. In 1987 he saved the entire country from a financial breakdown. In 2008, Bernanke and every other bigwig was privately consulting with him.

1) Dick Cheney–Before him, the job of Vice President was seen as fit for a bumbling fool with the responsibility of not screwing up and embarrassing the boss. Since his departure, his successor has returned to the Barney Fife VP role. Cheney was a leader. Like Rove, he was seen as truly being in charge, but behind the scenes he was also completely loyal to the president. He was declared to be evil like Darth Vader, which is liberals admitting how amazingly effective he was. He torments his opponents to this day whenever he speaks. When he speaks on the same day as the current president, it is another reminder of what happens when adults like him are in power. Saddam Hussein is gone thanks to this fabulous follically challenged Neocon.

Well done Mr. Cheney. You may have only been the second in command, but you are number one on this list.

All hail PBWGS everywhere.


NFL 2010–Week 16 Recap

Sunday, December 26th, 2010

The screws are tightening and the intensity level is being ratcheted up.

As John Randall reminds us, “This is when the big dogs come out.”

Here is the NFL 2010 Week 16 Recap.

Carolina Panthers @ Pittsburgh Steelers was the Thursday night game. Despite winning last week, the Panthers are the worst team in football. Despite losing last week, Pittsburgh is one of the best. For those desperate for a link, Bill Cowher Coached Pittsburgh and lives in Carolina. For those looking for exciting playoff football, this is not it.

Carolina had a chance to score first, but on 4th and 5 from the Pittsburgh 32, Jon Fox opted to punt. While it appeared to be downed at the 1, it was ruled a touchdown. Rashaard Mendenhal immediately broke off a 35 yard run, and Ben Roethlisberger hit Mike Wallace for 15 more. On 3rd and 7 from the 8, a touchdown catch was challenged. On further review the pass was incomplete and the Pittsburgh Steelers settled for a 3-0 lead on a 26 yard Shawn Suisham field goal.

Carolina again moved the ball to another 4th and 5 from the Pittsburgh 32. Again Fox passed up the field goal, this time choosing to go for it. Jimmy Clausen was sacked for a 4 yard loss as a potential 6-3 lead was still a 3-0 deficit as the second quarter began. Pittsburgh punted on 4th and 30 from their own 34, but Clausen was then intercepted, giving the Steelers the ball at their own 42.  Big Ben hit Mike Wallace, who split the seams for a 43 yard touchdown to have the Steelers up 10-0.

Carolina punted, Pittsburgh fumbled it back, and Carolina did nothing with it. Pittsburgh took over with 6 1/2 minutes left in the half at their own 28. Big Ben hit Redman for 40 yards and Heath Miller for 19 more. On 3rd and goal form the 1 at the 2 minute warning, Mendenhall took it in to make it 17-0.

Carolina used up only 30 seconds of clock and punted it back as the Steelers took over at their own 45. Big Ben again went deep to Wallace for 40 yards. On 4th and 2 from the 7, another Suisham field goal had it 20-0 with 42 seconds left in the half. Carolina then fumbled the ensuing kickoff, and the Steelers recovered at the Carolina 28. Roethlisberger hit Brown for 13 and then a dropped pass in the end zone was followed by a sack. A 41 yard field goal attempt on the last play of the half was no good. Nevertheless, a 10-0 game at the 2 minute warning was now at 20-0 the blowout it was expected to be as the teams hit the locker rooms.

In the third quarter the Steelers calmly moved to a 4th and 1 at the Carolina 5. They went for it and failed to convert, but got the ball back on their next drive after a punt at the Carolina 35. Defensive pass interference in the end zone led to Big Ben getting in himself on 3rd and goal from the 1 to make it 27-0. The uneventful fourth quarter saw the Panthers drive deep and kick a field goal rather than go for it simply to avoid the shutout. It was that bad.

The Carolina Panthers fell to 2-13, and a loss next week assures them the top pick in the 2011 NFL Draft. Jerry Richardson will most likely fire Jon Fox, who took the team to one Super Bowl and another NFC Title game in his tenure. He took over after the Panthers went 1-15, as the team has now come full circle. The Steelers improved to 11-4. A win next week would assure them a first round bye, and they even have a slim shot at the top seed and home field throughout. Yet they have not wrapped up their division yet either. Good teams win games they are supposed to win in a convincing fashion. Pittsburgh did that. 27-3 Steelers

Dallas Cowboys @ Arizona Cardinals was the Saturday night game. With both teams eliminated from the playoffs, this game will be given the short shrift it deserves. After all, don’t bad teams playing each other put on a bad game? Not this time. A dull game most of the way had plenty of big plays and a fantastic finish. Ironically it came from a pair of quarterbacks unknown a few weeks ago. The Cardinals saw Kurt Warner retire, cut Matt Leinart, and saw Derek Anderson and Max Hall get injured. They now have Red Skelton, or at least his cousin John Skelton. The Cowboys have Tony Romo injured, Jon Kitna starting, and Fibber McGee and Molly’s cousin Steven McGee in the wings.

Jon Kitna began by throwing a perfect 32 yard touchdown pass to Rogers-Cromartie. This was a concern for Dallas because Rogers-Cromatie plays defense for Arizona, who took a 7-0 lead. Kitna rebounded by throwing a gorgeous 66 yard touchdown pass to Toler. Sadly for Dallas, Toler also plays defense for the Cardinals. While the second one was a well thrown ball that bounded out of a receivers hands before going the other way, the bottom line is that a pair of interception returns resulted in a 14-0 Cardinals lead without an offensive snap.

In the second quarter Kitna led a 10 play, 5 minute drive that led to a 42 yard David Buehler field goal and a 14-3 Cowboys deficit. Yet the Skeleton crew of the Cardinals was a Skelton crew, as he found Roberts for a 74 yard touchdown combination to have the Cardinals up 21-3. Then things got interesting. No, really. It actually did.

Kitna led a 13 play, 81 yard drive that consumed nearly 7 minutes. On 4th and 2 from the Arizona 38, Kitna was just trying to draw the Cardinals offsides. These are the Cardinals, and they did jump. Yet at least they injured Kitna, although he finished the half. It was not be the last time in the game that a 4th down failure would be nullified due to a penalty. Barber then broke off a 25 yard run. On 4th and goal at the 2 yard touchdown pass to Jason Witten had the Cowboys down 21-10 at the half.

Midway through the the third quarter the Cowboys took over at their own 39. With McGee in at quarterback, he found Miles Austin for a 19 yard connection. David Buehler drilled a 53 yard field goal and the Cowboys were within 21-13. Dallas got the ball back after a short punt at the Arizona 47. Without McGee throwing a single pass, the running game got the job done, as Marion Barber ran for a 24 yard touchdown. Jason Garrett decided not to go for the 2 point conversion to try and tie the game. It was absolutely the right decision with 2 minutes left in the third quarter, but it would loom large later in a way neither Garrett nor anyone else could ever have expected. Buehler kicked the routine extra point as Dallas trailed 21-20 after three quarters.

With 9 minutes left in regulation the Cardinals took over at their own 20. On 3rd and 7 Skelton hit Roberts for 21 yards. Beanie Wells picked up gains of 8, 10, and 3, although a 3rd and 3 wildcat snap to Wells went nowhere at the Dallas 31. Jay Feely came in for a 49 yard field goal and the Cardinals led 24-20. Only 3:45 remained, and the Cowboys had a quarterback playing in his very first NFL game. Would the Cardinals find a way to lose again, just because that has been most of their 125+ year history?

From the Dallas 20, McGee scrambled for 11, with illegal contact adding 5 more yards. With 1:51 to play, everything came down to the Cowboys facing 4th and 5 at the Arizona 45. McGee threw incomplete and the Cardinals began celebrating as they prepared to kneel on the ball and run out the clock. Yet these are the Cardinals, and defensive pass interference gave the Cowboys an automatic 1st down at the Arizona 37. On the very next play, McGee went deep to Miles Austin. Despite dating a Kardashian, Austin had enough smarts to catch the ball for a touchdown. The collapse was complete as the 18 point lead had evaporated and the Cardinals trailed. Yet in a game of surprises, the biggest surprise happened next when Buehler, who had drilled the long field goal, missed the extra point. The Cowboys led 26-24.

The Cardinals took over at their own 24 with 1:36 to go. While Skelton had not made any mistakes, he had only thrown 2 or more passes to Larry Fitzgerald all game. Both were incomplete. This drive began with a 3rd incompletion to him. A sack and another incompletion forced the Cardinals to take their final timeout with 1:17 left and 4th and 15 at their own 19. Yet Skelton understood what every quarterback from Kurt Warner not named Matt Leinart grasped. In this situation, only one guy gets the ball. Skelton hit Larry Fitzgerald for a 26 yard completion, their only connection on the day.

With 25 seconds left from the Dallas 44, Skelton found Komar for 19 yards. Confusion then reigned when Skelton spiked the ball to stop the clock and a flag came down. The catch stood, and without the penalty Jay Feely would have a 43 yard field goal attempt to win it. Yet the ball was spiked with 10 seconds left, or perhaps 11. This was important because if the Cardinals were called for a false start for not being set, a 10 second runoff would end the game, or leave one second that would tick off. Would the Cardinals actually lose a game this way without even giving Feely a chance?

No. The officials ruled that the penalty was against the Cardinals, but it was illegal motion, not a false start. This was critical because all the players were properly set before the snap. The Cardinals were penalized 5 yards, but not the 10 second runoff. So Feely had a 48 yard attempt to win it.

At this point let’s go back to 2006, in what might have been the one good game Matt Leinart played, at least most of the way. The Cardinals led the 5-0 (and eventual NFC Champion) Bears 23-3 on the road. Out of nowhere, with 0 offense, Chicago got 2 defensive touchdowns on a fumble return and an interception return, followed by a punt return touchdown by Devon Hester to have Chicago up 24-23. Yet Leinart quickly led the Cardinals down the field, and Neil Rackers had a chance to win it from 42 yards out. The kick was no good. The post game press conference with Dennis Green was legendary, as he screamed that “the Bears are who we thought they were!”

Dennis Green was fired and Ken Whisenhunt was brought in. Neil Rackers was gone, and Jay Felly was kicking. Leinart was gone, and the Red Skeleton Crew came in. Would it matter? In this 2010 game, the Cardinals had blown a 21-3 lead, trailed 26-24, but still had a chance to win it. It happened. Feely delivered it just inside the upright. The Cardinals had the win. Both teams are 5-10, but the Cardinals showed a ton of heart. As for the Cowboys, they are still on the right track. This was not a meaningful game, but it was still a great game, and why every football game matters. David Buehler was inconsolable, but Paul Maguire would remind us “I hate kickers. They should be paid $50 a game.” That cannot be said about Jay Feely on this day. 27-26 Cardinals.

New England Patriots @ Buffalo Bills–The Patriots have the best record in the AFC while the Bills are one of the worst but are improving. The last time the Bills beat the Patriots was in the 2003 season opener. Lawyer Milloy had just been cut by Evil Hoodie Bill Bellichick from New England to Buffalo, and the Bills won a stunner 31-0 at home. In the last week of the season in New England, the Patriots won by an identical 31-0 score. The Patriots would win the Super Bowl, and they have not lost to the Bills since that 2003 opener, 12 straight wins.

Ryan Fitzpatrick led the Bills 64 yards in 10 play and 5 minutes, and a 26 yard Ryan Lindell field goal had the Bills up 3-0. Yet later in the quarter order was restored. A short punt had the Patriot at the Bills 48. Danny Woodhead broke free for a 29 yard touchdown to have the Patriots up 7-3. Buffalo took over at their own 31, and Fitzpatrick found CJ Spiller for 41 yards. Yet on 1st and 10 from the Patriots 17, Fitzpatrick was sacked and fumbled. The Patriots took over at their own 20.

Tom Brady hit Deion Branch for 15, and Green Ellis picked up 10 and 5. On 3rd and 8 from the Buffalo 34, Brady found Gronkowski for 23, and then Gronkowski again for an 8 yard touchdown to have the Patriots up 14-3.

In the second quarter Chan Gailey had the Bills go for it on 4th and 12 from the Patriots 32. Fitzpatrick threw a good pass but the receiver got blasted and could not hang on. Brady then led a 10 play drive that culminated in a 34 yard Shane Graham field goal to make it 17-3 Patriots. Fitzpatrick was then intercepted, giving the Patriots the ball at the Buffalo 27. On 3rd and 3 Green-Ellis gained 4. On 3rd and 1 from the 7 Brady gained 3. Brady found Alge Crumpler for the 4 yard score to have the Patriots up 24-3 in a rout that was expected.

In the third quarter Fitzpatrick was intercepted, setting the Patriots up at the Buffalo 11. Brady hit Gronkowski for the 8 yard score as the Patriots led 31-3. The rest of the game was garbage time as the Patriots tacked on one more field goal. The Patriots at 13-2 locked up home field advantage throughout the playoffs as the Evil Empire of Football under Evil Hoodie Bill Bellichick is on pace for another Super Bowl appearance. 34-3 Patriots

New York Jets @ Chicago Bears–Both of these 10-4 teams have faced criticism that they are paper tigers. The Jets silenced some critics with a big road win last week, while the Bears are the only team to have officially clinched their division. The Jets can still win their division, but are most likely playing for a wild card. Right now the Bears are in position for the # 2 seed and the 1st round bye.

Chicago took over at their own 34 with snow coming down. On 3rd and 1 Chester Taylor gained 3. On 3rd and 1 from the Jets 45, an incomplete pass by Cutler was nullified by defensive pass interference at the Jets 26. A 37 yard Robbie Gould field goal had the Bears up 3-0.

The Jets tried an end around but Santonio Holmes fumbled, giving the Bears the ball at the Jets 45. Cutler hit Johnny Knox for 13, and Matt Forte ran for 8. Forte then burst through for a 22 yard touchdown run to have the Bears up 10-0.

The Jets took over at their own 20. Greene picjed up 12 yards, and Sanchez hit Dustin Keller for gains of 13 and 26. On 3rd and 10 from the Chicago 29, Sanchez found Keller for 11. On the first play of the second quarter Greene ran it in from 3 yards out to have the Jets within 10-7. The Bears took over at their own 25. On 1st and 20 from the 15, Cutler was intercepted by Lowery, who returned it 20 yards for a touchdown to have the Jets up 14-10.

Midway through the second quarter the Bears punted on 4th and 17 from their own 2. The Jets took over at the Chicago 36. On 3rd and 7 Sanchez hit Holmes for 16. Brad Smith took a wildcat snap 12 yards to the 3. Ladanian Tomlinson ran it in to have the Jets up 21-10.

The Bears took over at their own 36, and Cutler found Forte for 24 yards. On 3rd and 10 from the Jets 40, Cutler found Bennett for 14 and Forte for 24. Cutler scored the 2 yard touchdown himself to get the Bears within 21-17

With 2 1/2 minutes left in the half the Jets took over at their own 33. Greene picked up 12, caught a 5 yard pass, and ran for 7 more. From the Chicago 43 Sanchez hit Holmes for 18. On 3rd and 4 from the 8 Sanchez threw incomplete, but the 26 yard Nick Folk field goal had the Jets leading 24-17 at the half. Both of these teams known for defense would see the pinball machine action continue on offense in the second half.

The Jets began at their own 33, and Rex Ryan decided to gamble on 4th and 3 from the Jets 40. Sanchez fired incomplete, and one play later Cutler went deep to Knox for the touchdown as the gamble blew up on the Jets and resulted in a 24-24 game.

The Jets punted on their next drive and made the mistake of kicking it to Devon Hester, who returned it 38 yards to the Jets 32. On 3rd and 3 from the 25, Hester burned the Jets as a wide receiver, catching the touchdown pass to now have the Bears up 31-24.

From their own 34, the Jets came right back. Sanchez hit Edwards for 19. Smith took a wildcat snap 6 yards, and Greene gained 18. Sanchez threw a 23 yard touchdown to Holmes and the game was tied again 31-31.

Devon Hester returned the ensuing kickoff 40 yards just shy of midfield. Cutler then hit Hester for a 9 yard pass. From the Jets 39, Cutler got 1/3 of it with a pass to Knox and then the final 2/3 of it to Knox again as the 26 yard score had the Bears back up 38-31.

The Jets took over at their own 33 and Sanchez moved them 12 plays. The drive would stall in the red zone as the Jets settled for a Nick Folk field goal to get with 38-34 as the fourth quarter began. Cutler moved the Bears in position for  35 yard Robbie Gould field goal. Yet Gould, who had made 64 straight from short distance, missed and the Jets had life.

Sanchez led the Jets to a 2nd and 6 at the Chicago 35, but  pair of incompletions set up a critical decision with 5:43 to play. Rex Ryan opted to punt. The Bears took over at their own 10 and went 3 and out. The Jets took took over at their own 40 and also went 3 and out when Sanchez fired incomplete on 3rd and 5.

With 3 minutes left, the Bears took over at their own 5. Forte gained 2, and then 8 more for a critical 1st down. Yet the Jets did get one last shot with 58 seconds left and no timeouts from their own 28. Sanchez was intercepted by Chris Harris to end things. The 11-4 Bears and 10-5 Jets are both in the playoffs. The Bears with a win next week get the # 2 seed while the Jets are definitely a wildcard. 38-34 Bears

Baltimore Ravens @ Cleveland Browns–The Ravens at 10-4 are tied for the division lead but the tie breaker works against them. Cleveland is fighting hard but is still 5-9. Walrus Mike Holmgren kept Eric Mangini last year but playing hard is not enough without the results. The last 2 games at home against the top of the division will tell a lot about Cleveland.

After a Ravens punt the Browns took over at the Baltimore 40, Eric Mangini went to the bag of tricks. A halfback option pass became a 29 yard touchdown pass to Muhammad Massaquoi to have the Browns up 7-0.

The second quarter found the Ravens finally moving the ball, as Joe Flacco led them 80 yards in 16 plays over 8 1/2 minutes. The drive bogged down at the 9 yard line, and Billy Cundiff hit the 27 yarder to have the Ravens within 7-3. Cleveland then fumbled deep in their own territory, setting up the Ravens at the Browns 20. On 3rd and 5 from the 15, Flacco hit TJ Houshmanzadeh for the touchdown to have the Ravens up 10-7.

Colt McCoy was the intercepted by Ed Reed, who returned it 20 yards to the midstripe. On 3d and 4 Flacco gained just enough. Cundiff would hit a 40 yard field goal to have the Ravens up 13-7. McCoy led the Browns 50 yards in 10 plays before the half as original expansion Browns kicker Phil Dawson hit the 30 yarder to have the Browns within 13-10 at halftime.

Mangini decided to try and onsides kick to start the second half, and Phil Dawson went from mild hero to mild goat when it went out of bounds. The Ravens took over at the Browns 38. From the 35, Flacco scrambled for 13 yards and then hit Derrick Mason for the 22 yard touchdown to have the Ravens up 20-10.

After that the Baltimore defense clamped down, with Ed Reed intercepting a pass in the end zone to kill any chance of a Cleveland comeback. The Ravens got to 11-4 and clinched a playoff spot. They are tied for the division lead, but need to win next week and hope Pittsburgh loses at this same Cleveland team to get the AFC North crown. The cliche about the Browns fighting hard for Mangini is worn thin as theyf ell to 5-10, making Holmgren an unhappy Walrus. 20-10 Ravens

Washington Redskins @ Jacksonville Jaguars–Washington is a mess as Donovan McNabb is the past, Rex Grossman is the present, and Mike Shanahan and his ego are the future. Jack Del Rio has the Jaguars at 8-6. They are tied for the division lead, but lose the tie breaker.

A strong kickoff return had the Redskins beginning at the Jacksonville 44. That was enough for Graham Gano to nail a 48 yard field goal and have the Redskins up 3-0. David Garrard was then intercepted by Carlos Rogers, who returned it 38 yards to the Jacksonville 18. On 3rd and goal from the 1, an incomplete pass by Rex Gross was nullified by illegal contact on the defense. Given another chance, Grossman hit Fred Davis for the score to have the Redskins up 10-0 on the road.

In the second quarter Garrard finally got the Jaguars going, leading a 10 play, 79 yard drive that took 6 minutes. On 1st and 25 from their own 24, Garrard hit Thomas for 26 at midfield. On 3rd and 1 Garrard gained 2. On 3rd and 2 again Garrard found Thomas for 12 and then again for the 19 yard score as the Jaguars were within 10-7.

Defense ruled the third quarter, and midway through the period Jacksonville faced 3rd and 15 at their own 41. Garrard went deep to Hill for 37 yards. Josh Scobee had missed a kick earlier, but this time he was good from 34 as the game was tied 10-10 with 5 minutes left in the third quarter.

The Redskins took over at their own 32 and Ryan Torain picked up 17. Grossman hit Santana Moss for 12. On 3rd and 3 from the Jacksonville 33, Grossman hit Moss for 14 as the third quarter ended. On 3rd and 1 from the 10, Sellers got the yard. On 2nd and goal from the 1 Torain got nothing, and Grossman then threw incomplete. On 4th and goal from the 1, Shanahan decided to go for it. Torain got it and the Redskins led 17-10 with 12 minutes left in regulation after the 14 play, 68 yard drive that consumed 8 minutes.

The defenses took over, but a 21 yard punt return had the Jaguars at the Washington 42 with 4 minutes left. From the 40, Garrard hit Hill for half of it. Then Garrard broke free and got the other half himself, as the 20 yard scramble tied the game 17-17 with 3 minutes left.

The game went into overtime, and Garrard quickly turned from major hero to major goat. He was intercepted by Khalif Barnes, who returned it 8 yards to the Jacksonville 14. On 3rd down, Shanahan brought in Gano. From 31 yards, Gano hit it for the stunning road win. Jacksonville fell to 8-7, on the verge of playoff elimination. Consecutive losses have Jacksonville needing a win next week and 2 losses by Indy to make the playoffs. 20-17 Redskins, OT

Tennessee Titans @ Kansas City Chiefs–The Titans at 6-8 need a miracle to make the playoffs, while the Chiefs have a one game lead in their division at 9-5. Jeff FIsher after 16 years is not completely safe to come back, but Adams knows the fans like Fisher.

The Chiefs took over at their own 31 and Matt Cassel quickly hit Dwayne Bow for 31 yards. Thomas Jones gained 8 and Jamal Charles added 8 more. On 3rd and 6 from the Titans 28, Cassel hit Dexter McCluster for half of it and then Jamal Charles for the other half and a 7-0 Chiefs lead. Kerry Collins got the ball and led the Titans to a 4th and 6 at the Chiefs 38. Jeff Fisher decided to go for it, and Collins fired incomplete.

The Chiefs faced 3rd and 5 at the Titans 41, and Cassel hit Bowe for 15. On 3rd and 8 from the 24, Cassel hit Moeaki for 17. Cassel hit Charles for the 5 yard touchdown to have the Chiefs up 14-0.

Kansas City on their next drive faced 3rd and 3 at their own 45. Cassel hit Moeaki for 19 yards. Charles ran for 17, and a 35 yard Ryan Succop field goal had the Chiefs up 17-0. On the next Chiefs drive, they faced 3rd and 19 at their own 25. Cassel found Bowe, who pslit the seams and raced 75 yards for a touchdown as the Chiefs were winning a blowout 24-0.

The Titans finally got on the board when Kerry Collins went deep to kenny Britt for a 53 yard touchdown to have the Titans down 24-7. With under one minute left in the half, Succop missed a field goal, and Collins got the Titans to midfield. Yet Collins was then intercepted by Eric Barry, who returned it 54 yards with help from terrible tackling to have the Chiefs up 31-7.

The Chiefs would tack on a third quarter field goal to lead 34-7. The only drama came on the sidelines when Todd Haley pulled Cassel, which coaches should do in that situation. Cassel was unhappy, but risking injury is what most coaches do. Brodie Croyle, who has never won a game, threw an interception to set up a garbage touchdown. This made keeping Cassel healthy even more vital.The win eliminated the hated Raiders from playoff contention. Kansas City hosts Oakland next week. If the Chiefs win, they win the division. If they lose, they could miss the playoffs altogether if San Diego wins out. 34-14 Chiefs

Detroit Lions @ Miami Dolphins–The Lions have won 2 straight games, including a road win last week that snapped their NFL worst 26 straight road losses. They face a bizarre Miami team that is 6-1 on the road but 1-6 at home. Tony Sparano is a good coach, but with bigger names out there he could become a casualty. Jim Schwartz may finally actually have his guys turning a corner.

The Dolphins fumbled a punt, giving the Lions the ball at the Miami 19. Detroit lost a couple yards and Dave Rayner kicked a 39 yard field goal to have the Lions up 3-0. Miami reached the Detroit 29 before a penalty pushed them out of field goal range. Miami would get the ball back at their own 48. Dan Carpenter would try a 40 yard field goal. He made it to tie the game 3-3. This did not change the fact that his 4 misses last week is why this game is meaningless.

Both teams moved 80 yards in the second quarter, with the Lions doing it quickly. Shawn Hill hit Brandon Pettigrew for 33 yards. Hill scrambled for 10 on 3rd and 5, and then hit Pettigrew for a 20 yard touchdown to have the Lions up 10-3. Chad Henne moved the Dolphins 11 plays and 80 yards in 6 minutes. Eventually a 4 yard run by Polite tied the game 10-10.

The Lions would punt on 4th and 19 from their own 4, and Miami took over at the Detroit 41. The opportunity was wasted but Detroit would punt again on 4th and 8 from their own 4, and in what was not instant replay, the Dolphins began at the Lions 40. Henne hit Brandon Marshall for 12 and find Duane Bess for a 13 yard touchdown to have the Dolphins up 17-10.

The Lions began their first third quarter drive at their own 14. On 3rd and 6 form the 31, Shawn Hill found Calvin Johnson for 16. On 3rd and 3 from the Miami 35, Hill found Johnson for 18. On 3rd and 6 from the 13 Hill hit Johnson for 8, and Morris ran for the 5 yard touchdown to tie the game 17-17 and complete the 14 play, 86 yard, 6 1/2 minute drive.

The Dolphins took over at their own 31. On 3rd and 6 Henne hit Ronnie Brown for 9. On 3rd and 1 from the Detroit 47, Polite gained 2. Moore then ran for 16 and Henne went deep to Shuler for 28 yards down to the 1. Brow ran it in to have the Dolphins back on top 24-17.

Early in the fourth quarter the Dolphins faced 3rd and 2 at their own 46. Henne hit Brandon Marhall for 10. Ricky Williams broke off a 28 yard run with a horse collar tackle penalty added on to have the Dolphins at the 7. Offensive holding killed the drive and the Dolphin settled for a 28 yard Carpenter field goal to lead 27-17 with 10 minutes left in regulation.

The Chiefs would tack on a third quarter field goal to lead 34-7. The only drama came on the sidelines when Todd Haley pulled Cassel, which coaches should do in that situation. Cassel was unhappy, but risking injury is what most coaches do. Brodie Croyle, who has never won a game, threw an interception to set up a garbage touchdown. This made keeping Cassel healthy even more vital.

San Francisco 49ers @ St. Louis Rams–The 5-9 49ers and the 6-8 Rams are actually playing a game that could decide who wins the NFC Worst. The Rams are on the upswing under Steve Spagnuolo and Sam Bradford, but the 49ers under Mike Singletary and both of his revolving Smith quarterbacks Troy and Alex are a mess.

The Rams took over at their own 29. On 3rd and 8 form the Rams 45, Bradford hit Danny Amendola for 9. From the San Francisco 40, Bradford went deep and was intercepted. Yet defensive pass interference instead placed the ball on the one, where Stephen Jackson ran it in to have the Rams up 7-0. An exchange of punts had the 49ers at their own 3. On 3rd and 8 from the 5, Troy Smith was sacked in the end zone for a safety to have the Rams up 9-0.

In the second quarter with the 49ers lacking offense and defense, special teams got them back in the game as Ted Ginn returned a punt 78 yards for a touchdown to have the 49ers within 9-7. Yet Bradford coolly moved the Rams from their own 39. A 19 yard completion Gibson got things going, and the drive reached the San Francisco 25. Josh Brown connected from 43 to have the Rams up 12-7. The 49ers came right back, and Troy Smith fired t Michael Crabtree, who raced 60 yards for a score to have the 49ers on top 14-12.

The second half was even uglier than the first half in the battle to see which team wanted the division least. In the third quarter Josh Brown hit a 30 yard field goal to have the Rams up 15-14. At the end of the third quarter Jeff Reed had a 34 yarder to put the 49ers back on top, except that he missed it and the Rams still led. With 11 minutes left in regulation, frm the Rams 34, Bradford hit Alexander for 15 yards and then fired deep for a 48 yard bomb to the 3 yard line. Bradford hit Robinson for the score and the Rams led 22-14.

Mike Singletary decided to continue the lunacy that is quarterback carousel by benching Troy and bringing in Alex with 9 1/2 minutes left in regulation and the 49ers at their own 19. Smith hit Morgan for 33 yards, and a 47 yard Reed field goal had the 49ers within 22-17 with 5 1/2 minutes left.  Yet Danny Amendola returned the ensuing kickoff 84 yards to the San Francisco 12. 3 straight running plays led to a 28 yard Brown field goal as the Rams were back up by 8 with 4 minutes left.

With 2 1/2 minutes left, the 49ers faced 3rd and 9 at their own 42. Smith was sacked and fumbled. The 49ers would get the ball back at their own 19 with 0 timeouts and 1:06 to play. With 9 seconds left, the 49ers were at their own 34 facing 4th and 10. Smith completed a pass to Ginn that was good for the first down, but rather than go out of bounds, Ginn tried to fake out a defender and get more as the clock ticked down. Ginn was ruled down inbounds although the replay showed he got out of bounds with one second left. Singletary argued to no avail, as the Hail Mary never got attempted and the game was over. The 5-10 49er are finally officially eliminated as Singletary is the second coming of Ray Rhodes, all scowl and no results. The Yorkshire Puddingheads who own the team fired Singletary after the game, but did not fire themselves and bring back Eddie Debartolo. At 7-8 the Rams have an NFC Worst showdown next week with Seattle. 25-17 Rams

San Diego Chargers @ Cincinnati Bengals–The Bengals won a game after losing 10 straight, although both loudmouth receivers Terrell Owens and Chad Johnson are now injured. This entire team will be blown up after the season, as Marvin Lewis will benefit from being out of Cincinnati. Norvelous Norv Turner has the Chargers won game out of their division, and they are not expected to blow up until the playoffs.

The Chargers began by going backward and punting on 4th and 22 from their own 8. A shank had the Bengals starting at the Chargers 32. After losing 2 yards, Carson Palmer hit Gresham for 23. Cedric Benson lost 3, but then gained 11. On 3rd and 2 from the 3, Palmer hit Gresham for the score as the Bengals led 7-0.

After an exchange of punts, the Chargers took over at their own 19. Mike Tolbert promptly fumbled, and the Bengals took over at the San Diego 33. On 4th and 1 from the 24, Marvin Lewis decided to go for it and Cedric Benson got nailed.

The Bengals got the ball back at their own 41, and Palmer hit Simpson for 15 as the opening quarter ended. Palmer hit Gresham for 22 yards, and on 3rd and goal from the 10, Palmer hit Simpson for the touchdown. Stitser missed the extra point, although the Bengals still led 13-0.

The Chargers would reach a 4th and 11 at the Bengals 39, but Turner opted to punt, pinning the Bengals at their own 7. On 3rd and 7, Palmer hit Simpson for 21. Encroachment added 5 more and Palmer went deep to Caldwell for 44 yards to the San Diego 20. Yet on the next play Benson fumbled at the Chargers took over at their own 25. Rivers led a 12 play, 73 yard drive that consumed almost 6 1/2 minutes. On first and goal from the 1, 3 straight runs were called. The first 2 went nowhere and Matthews was blown up in the backfield for a one yard loss. On 4th and goal at the 2 Turner had seen enough, and sent out Nate Kaeding for the 20 yarder as the Chargers trailed 13-3 at halftime.

The Bengals began the third quarter by reaching the San Diego 35, but a running play lost 5 yards and killed the drive. After the Cincinnati punt, the Chargers took over at their own 14. Philip Rivers hit Vincent Jackson for 14. On 3rd and 1, the defense jumped offsides. On 3rd and 2 from midfield, Rivers hit Wilson for 8 and Naanee for 19. Mathews ran for a 23 yard touchdown to have the Chargers within 13-10. Analysts everywhere pointed out that the Charger are famous for slow starts and then get red hot and win. Those analysts should shut up already.

The Bengals did punt again, but on the last play of the third quarter from the San Diego 47, Rivers was intercepted. Maualuga returned it 47 yards to the San Diego 21. The fourth quarter began with Palmer hitting Simpson for 11. Palmer hit Shipley for a 3 yard touchdown to have the Bengals up 20-10.

Darren Sproles returned the ensuing kickoff 45 yards to the Chargers 43. From midfield, Mathews picked up 12. The drive would bog down at the 10 yard line, where a 28 yard Kaeding field goal had the Chargers within 20-13. Scott returned the kickoff 27 yards to the Cincy 38. On 3rd and 7 from the 41, Palmer went deep to Simpson for a 59 yard touchdown as the Bengals led 27-13.

San Diego took over at their own 23. On 4th and 7 with 5 1/2 minutes left and forced to go for it, Rivers threw incomplete. From the 26, Scott ran for 6, 10, and the final 10 to have the Bengals up 34-13. San Diego managed a garbage touchdown and a failed onsides kick.

The Chargers at 8-7 are now out of the playoffs. All the talk about how nobody wanted to play them is ridiculous. They lost to a 3-11 team without their top 2 receivers. As for the Bengals, they won big without those same receivers. Maybe those players should stay injured since their contributions did nothing for the team this season. Those saying that they put up big numbers ignore that this is a team game. They did nothing to help the team. Meanwhile, with unheralded Simpson and Caldwell, much maligned Carson Palmer threw 4 touchdown passes against a team fighting for the playoffs. I am not saying the 2 reality stars are irrelevant. I don’t have to. 34-20 Bengals

Houston Texans @ Denver Broncos–Gary Kubiak faces off against his former team, who now has hope with electric phenom Tim Tebow. Kyle Orton will be watching from the sidelines, a casualty of the recent coaching change. Both of these teams may have new coaches next year, although Bob McNair wants to keep Kubiak but will have a tough time justifying it with more losses. Both of these teams are eliminated from the playoffs.

After a Houston punt, the Broncos began at their own 40. Tebow quickly hit Knowshon Moreno for 22 and Jabar Gaffney for 21 more. Yet Tebow was then intercepted in the end zone by Allen for a touchback. After an exchang eof punts the Texans took over at their own 9.

Matt Schaub hit Owen Daniels for 31 yards, and Jones for 11 more. From the Denver 37, Arrius Foster raced 34 yards, and took it the final 3 on the next play to have the Texans up 7-0. The second quarter began with the Texans at their own 15. Schaub hit Jones for 47 yards and Jones for 34 more to set up 1st and goal at the 4. Schaub hit Daniels from 3 yards out to have the Texans up 14-0.

With 4 minutes left in the half, the Texans took over after a punt at their own 47. On 3rd and 1, Foster gained 2. Schaub hit Casey for 21, but the drive would stall. A 34 yard Neil Rackers field goal just before the half had the Texans up 17-0.

The Broncos began the second half at their own 20. Ball ran for 15 and Tebow then went deep to Jabar Gaffney for 50 yards. Buckhalter then ran for 9 and 6 more for the touchdown as the Broncos quickly got within 17-7. The Texans took over at their own 20. Foster ran for 10 and took a short pass for 28 more. Neil Rackers drilled a 54 yard field goal to have the Texans up 20-7.

The Broncos took over at their own 20, and Tebow hit Brandon Lloyd for 18 yards and then back to Lloyd for 41 more. The drive stalled at the 9, but STeven Hauschka hit the 27 yard field goal to have the Broncos within 20-10.

The Texans took over at their own 20 Schaub hit Walter for 14 and Foster gained 11. With the drive stopped at the 39 yard line of Denver, Gary Kubiak decided not to punt or go for it on 4th and 6. A 57 yard field goal attempt was drilled by Rackers to have the Texans leading 23-10. Denver took over at their own 26, and after three quarters were just shy of midfield. On 3rd and 9 from just past the halfstripe, Tebow hit Lloyd for 18. On 3rd and 14 from the Houston 23, a short pass to Buckhalter went all the way for the touchdown as the Broncos were within 23-17 with 11 minutes left in regulation. Denver got the ball back with 8 minutes left at their own 24.

On 3rd and 10 Tebow hit Buckhalter for 22 and Lloyd for 15 more. On 3rd and 4 from the 10, Tebow fired incomplete. Yet Glover Quinn, the victim on the Hail Mary earlier in the year that led to a stunning loss, was called for defensive pass interference. Given a second chance, Tebow ran for the 6 yard touchdown as the Broncos took the one point lead with 3 minutes to play.

The Texans moved from their own 17 to a 2nd and 9 at the Denver 39 with 1:19 to play. All the Texans needed was a few more yards to set up the winning field goal. Instead Schaub was intercepted by Thompson to end things. Bob McNair is sick and tired of seeing the Texans come so close and lose so many heartbreakers. Houston led by 17 at the half and blew a 13 point 4th quarter lead this time to fall to 5-10, one game better than Denver.  24-23 Broncos.

New York Giants @ Green Bay Packers–This is big time football, a rematch of the NFC Title Game 3 years ago when you know who threw his final pass with the Packers, an overtime interception that sent the Giants to a Super Bowl they would win. This time, the 9-5 Giants have to recover from their shellshock last week when a  31-10 lead with 8 minutes left turned into a 38-31 loss and a one game deficit in the division. Green Bay is 8-6 although they get Aaron Rodgers back from his concussion this week. If the Giants win, they are in the playoffs and the Packers are out. If the Packers win, both teams are 9-6 and the Giants would be on the brink of elimination.

After an exchange of punts, Green Bay took over at their own 20. One play fro scrimmage was all the Packers needed to take a 7-0 lead as Aaron Rodgers found Nelson for an 80 yard touchdown. Eli Manning was then intercepted, setting the Packers up at the Giants 44. Nance ran for 6 and 5, and Kuhn gained 3 on 3rd and 1. Rodgers scrambled for 15, and on 3rd and goal from the 3, Rodgers hit Jones for the score as the Packers led 14-0.

In the second quarter, the Giants took over at their own 30. Manning hit Hakeem Nicks for 16, and soon after found Nicks for a 36 yard touchdown to have the Giants within 14-7. Green Bay took over at their own 10 and Rodgers led a 6 minute drive down the field. Yet on 3rd and 8 from the Giants 25, a completion to Nelson just before the marker was fumbled away. This time it was the Giants needing only one play as Manning went deep to Manningham for an 85 yard touchdown to tie the game 14-14.

The Packers took over at their own 21. On 2nd and 5, Rodgers went to Jennings for 11 yards and 26 more, and to Donald Driver for 6 with a 15 yard personal foul tacked on. From the 16, Rodgers hit Jones for half and Kuhn got the other half on the ground at the 2 minute warning as the Packers led 21-14.

The Giants began the second half at their own 35. At 3rd and 2 from the Green Bay 41, Ahmad Bradshaw got blown up in the backfield and fumbled. Green Bay took over at midfield. Rodgers hit Jones for 12 and Crabtree for 21. Mason Crosby nailed a 31 yard field goal to have the Giants up 24-14. The Giants took over at their own 34. Manning hit Bradshaw for 13 and Nicks for 27. The drive stalled, but a 38 yard Lawrence Tynes field goal had the Giants within 24-17.

At this point a hard fought game turned into a one-sided aerial carpet bombing. From the Green Bay 30, Rodgers hit Driver for 33 and Jennings for 36 more down to the one. Rodgers found Lee for the score as the Packers led 31-17.

The Giants soon faced 3rd and 9 at their own 13. Bradshaw gained a dozen and Manning scrambled for a dozen more. Brandon Jacobs then ran for 21 yards, but fumbled the ball as the Packers took over at their own 27. The Giants on their next drive faced 2nd and 18 at their own 30. Manning was intercepted, and the PAckers began at the Giants 46. Rodgers hit Jennings for 24 and Quarless for 16. ROdgers tossed the 5 yard touchdown to Kuhn as the Packers led 38-17.

Ware took the ensuing kickoff at the 4 and got taken down at the 7. From the 5, Manning went deep and was intercepted again. The Packers took over just past midfield. On 3rd and 1 Kuhn gained 2. From the Giants 39, Rodgers went deep to Nelson for 38 ayrds down to the one. Kuhn ran it in to complete the scoring.

Both teams are 9-6. If the Packers win next week against Chicago, they are in and the Giants are out. The Giants now need to win and get help. Last week they were 8 minutes from a possible 1st round bye with a  very slim chance at the top seed. Now they may be eliminated altogether. The Miracle at the Meadowlands Part II is still killing them, as they now cannot win the division. Manning finished 17 of 33 for 301 yards and 2 touchdowns, but 4 interceptions and 6 turnovers overall plagued the Giants. Aaron Rodgers finished 25 of 37 for 404 yards and 4 touchdowns. The Packers looked like the playoff team and the Giants did not. 45-17 Packers

Seattle Seahawks @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers–Seattle at 6-8 can still win the horrid NFC Worst. The 8-6 Buccaneers severely hurt their playoff chances last week by being the first team in 3 years to lose at home to Detroit.

Midway through the opening quarter with Seattle at their own 44, Marshawn Lynch ran for 29 yards. The drive would face 4th and 1 at the 4. Pete Carroll decided to go for it, and Robinson gained 3. On 3rd and goal at the 1, Hasselbeck got it in to have the Seahawks up 7-0. Yet although Hasselbeck was not touched, at his age running one yard can do wonders for an old man with a bad back. Hasselbeck limped off the field and did not return. The Charlie Whitehurst part of the game did not go well. Michael Spurlock returned the ensuing kickoff 79 yards to the Seattle 17. The Buccaneers lost 11 yards but Connor Barth made the 46 yard field goal to have the Buccaneers within 7-3.

The Buccaneers began the second quarter at their own 48. Josh Freeman hit Benn for 16 and Williams for 17. On 3rd and goal from the 10, Freeman hit Winslow for the touchdown as the Buccaneers led 10-7. Tampa Bay  got the ball back at their own 41, and on 3rd and 1, Freeman gained 3. On 3rd and 4 from the Seattle 41, Freeman hit Winslow for 21. On 3rd and 10 from the 20, Freeman found Williams for the touchdown as the Buccaneers led 17-7. Seattle did face 4th and 2 from the Tampa 37 late in the half, but Carroll opted to punt. Tampa Bay tried a field goal on the last play of the half but it was blocked.

Seattle punted in the third quarter and the Buccaneers began at their own 2. Freeman hit Winslow for 29 yards. On 3rd and 2 form the 40, Freeman hit Parker for 5. Blount ran for 20, and a 21 yard touchdown pass from Freeman to Winslow completed the 10 play, 98 yard, 7minute drive to have the  Buccaneers up 24-7. After a short punt, the Buccaneers took over at their own 44. Blount ripped off a 48 yard run, and Freeman hit Williams for a 7 yard touchdown to make it a 31-7 laugher.

A strong kickoff return had the Seahawks at their own 46. On 3rd and 3, Charlie Whitehurst hit Tate for just enough. On 4th and 8 from the Tampa Bay 42, Whitehurst hit Carlson for 12. Washington ran for a 16 yard score and the successful 2 point conversion had Seattle within 31-15 with 10 minutes left in the game.

It did not matter. The Bucaneers took over at their own 28, and Blount raced for a 53 yard gain. Freeman hit Winslow for 13 and Stovall for the 2 yard touchdown to end things. Freeman finished a ridiculous 21 of 26 for 237 yards and 5 touchdown passes. Raheem Morris has the Buccaneers fighting at 9-6, but the loss last week at home hurt them. They need to win next week and get help to make the playoffs. Seattle amazingly at 6-9 is still in it in the dreadful NFC Worst. The host the 7-8 Rams, with the winner taking the division and # 4 seed in the playoffs. Pete Carroll thought that only in college could a team win 6 games and get a bowl game, but apparently the NFL has gotten to that point. 38-15 Buccaneers

Indianapolis Colts @ Oakland Raiders–For more on the game of the day, go to

Earlier in the day the 7-7 Raiders were eliminated from playoff contention when Kansas City won easily. Kansas City clinched the division, making the showdown next week between the Raiders and Kansas City meaningless. The Raiders were playing at home for pride, and today would show if they had any. The Colts were desperately trying to make the playoffs at 8-6.

12 seconds into the game the Raiders led 7-0 because Jacoby Ford did it again. The opening kickoff was returned 99 yards for a touchdown, the 3rd time this year Ford has returned one and the second time at home to start the game. That other game they lost anyway.

The silver and black played good defense early on, and the Colts punted twice. Yet terrible field position and a lackluster offense had the Raiders punting it back twice. Giving Peyton Manning 50 billion chances is not a good idea, and the Colts began their third drive at their own 43. Manning hit Jacob Tamme for 14. On 3rd and 7 from the Oakland 40, Manning hit Reggie Wayne for 15 and Pierre Garcon for 19. Joseph Addai did play after missing 8 weeks, and the 6 yard run tied the game 7-7.

The Colts took over after another Raiders punt at their own 38. Manning hit Tamme for 10. Rhodes gained 9 and then 2. on 2nd and 15 from the Oakland 46, Manning hit Wayne for 20 and Tamme for 10. The defense held, but a 30 yard Adam Vinatieri field goal seconds into the second quarter had the Colts up 10-7. The Raiders had 0 first downs in the opening quarter.

The Raiders took over at their own 25. Jason Campbell hit Darrius Heyward-Bey for 9, and on 3rd and 1 Marcel Reese got the yard. Campbell hit Zach Miller for 9 and Michael Bush ran for 15. On 4th and 10 from the Colts 41, Tom Cable decided he had nothing to lose. As great a punter as Shane Lechler is, Sebastian Janikowski is still the Polish Cannon field goal kicker. From 59 yards out, Seabass drilled it to tie the game 10-10.

The Colts punted again, and the Raiders took over at their own 18. McFadden ripped off a 26 yard gain. On 3rd and 6 Campbell found Louis Murphy for 10. On 3rd and 5 from the Indy 37, Campbell hit Chaz Schillens for 9. At the 2 minute warning, the Raiders faced 4th and 2 at the Indy 20. Cable decided to play it safe and grab the lead. Seabass connected from 38 and the Raiders led 13-10 to complete the 11 play, 5 1/2 minute, 62 yard drive.

The Colts were backed up to their own 12 with 1:49 to work with. Oh yeah, and they had Peyton Manning. Defensive holding moved things 5 yards.  Manning hit Tamme for 8, and Addai gained 5. Manning hit White for 16. An idiotic unnecessary roughness penalty moved the Colts to the Oakland 36 with one minute left in the half. The Colts then took an unnecessary roughness penalty on offense, and with 45 seconds left in the half, the Colts had 3rd and 17 at the Oakland 43. Manning threw deep incomplete, but the umpteen billionth defensive pass interference penalty in the career that is Stanford Routt made it 1st and 10 at the 18. On the next play Manning hit Tamme for the touchdown, and the Colts led 17-13.

The Raiders took over at their own 27 with only 29 seconds left in the half. Campbell hit McFadden for gains  of 11 and 12 to midfield as the Raiders took their last timeout. Campbell hit Zach Miller for 14 and quickly spiked the ball to stop the clock with one second left. Seabass came in for a 54 yarder. He had made the 59 yarder, but this one was wide, no good, to end the half.

The Colts began the second half at their own 22. Dominic Rhodes, who was on the 2006 Colts Super Bowl team before being traded to the Raiders and back to the Colts, gained 15. Yet on the next play Manning was intercepted by Michael Huff. The Raiders took over at their own 43, but on 3rd and 5 Campbell only gained 3. On 4th and 2 from the Indy 49, Cable took no chances and punted.

The Colts took over at their own 12. They would punt, and the Raiders too over at their own 44. McFadden had a pair of 6 yard runs sandwiched around an 11 yard completion to Heyward-Bey. Yet on 2nd and 4 from the Indy 33, McFadden got stopped and a deep ball fell incomplete. Seabass was brought in for a 51 yard field goal. He nailed it, his 3rd kick in 4 tries, to have the Raiders within 17-16.

After an exchange of punts, the Colts took over at their own 44. Manning hit Garcon for 9 and Rhodes gained 4. From the Oakland 43, Manning went deep. Again, the human defensive penalty machine Stanford Routt got called for pass interference at the Oakland 12. After an encroachment penalty, Manning hit White for a 4 yard touchdown to have the Colts up 24-16 with 3 minutes left in the third quarter.

The main mistake the Raiders kept making in the second half was play calling. Hue Jackson has bee a very good offensive coordinator, but his obsession with a balanced offense ignores the fact that the Riaders have a great running game and a bad passing game. Jason Campbell is a capable game manager, but the Raiders should be running the ball, especially on 1st and 10. Instead Campbell fired incomplete passes and the Raiders punted.

The Colts began the fourth quarter at their own 25. Manning was intercepted again, this time by Chris Johnson. The Raiders took over at their own 37 and Campbell found Ford for 17 yards. Yet after a run got stopped, the Raiders again abandoned the run. Campbell was then sacked, and Seabass had to face a 45 yard field goal instead of a chip shot. For the 4th time in 5 tries, he was good, as the Raiders trailed 24-19 with 13 minutes left in regulation.

The Colts took over at their own 32., and turned to the resurgent ground game. Rhodes picked up 9 and 12, and Addai gained 18 and 4 before losing 3. On 3rd and 9 from the Oakland 28, the Raiders desperately needed to stop the only 4 time NFL MVP. Manning hit Tamme for 13. On 3rd and 2 from the 7, again one stop would keep it a one score game. Manning hit Garcon for the touchdown as the 5 1/2 minute drive had the Colts up 31-19 with 7 1/2 minutes to play.

The Raiders took over at their own 29, and on 4th and 2 from their own 37, they had to go for it. Campbell, who fired incomplete on 3rd and 2, did the same on 4th down and the Colts had the chance to end it from the Oakland 36. Yet the Colts went nowhere, and on 4th and 9 from the Oakland 35, Jim Caldwell played it safe and punted. The Raiders needed 2 scores in 5 minutes, and were at their own 20. They had 2 timeouts plus the 2 minute warning.

Campbell hit Miller for 7, and on 3rd and 3 Bush gained 4. Campbell hit Schillens for 7, Bush for 6, Heyward-Bey for 9, and Miller again for 5. With 3 minutes left, offensive holding had the Raiders facing 1st and 20 at their own 48. Campbell found Murphy for 26 yards. Campbell hit Bush for 3 and Miller for 13 to set up 1st and goal at the 2 minute warning. Campbell hit Miller for 9, and after a false start, Campbell went back to Miller for the 6 yard touchdown. The 12 play drive had the Raiders down by 5.

The onsides kick failed, but the Raiders still had 2 timeouts. The Colts took over at the Oakland 39. Rhodes gained 3 and 5 as the Raiders used their timeouts. With 1:39 on the clock, everything came down to 3rd and 2 at the Oakland 31. One stop and the Raiders would get the ball back. Jim Caldwell was his typical expressionless self as everybody wondered if Manning would hand it off or be crazy enough to pass it. An incomplete pass would stop the clock. It had to be a run, even with a 4 time NFL MVP passing.

Nobody in their right mind could have expected the play call. With everybody bunched up, Manning called a naked bootleg and saw nothing but green in front of him. Manning is not Michael Vick. Manning is the greatest passer and worst runner in the league. Yet he is also the best tactician, and he fooled everybody because to think he would run was ludicrous. As Manning lumbered slower than an offensive lineman toward the goal line, a defender was catching up. Manning showed why he might be the smartest player in football as well. Rather than risk a hit and an injury, he understood that it was better not to score anyway. With nobody in front of him, rather than score, he slid down at the 4 yard line after a 27 yard gain.

A touchdown would have given the Raiders the ball back with a kick to Jacoby Ford. Sliding inbounds allowed the Colts to take a knee and run out the clock. Manning may have had 27 yards running in his entire career. Yet this 27 yard run had the Raiders drop to 7-8. The Raiders are on the road next week at Kansas City, who may not have anything to play for. The Raiders need to win to get to 8-8 and avoid their 8th straight losing season. The Colts at 9-6 win their division and make the playoffs if they win next week. Yet if the Colts lose and Jacksonville wins, Jacksonville is in and the Colts would stunningly be out of the playoffs. The Raiders have a slogan pride and poise. They showed plenty of pride today, and despite critical penalties, showed poise with 0 turnovers. Yet the Colts had Manning. 31-26 Colts

New Orleans Saints @ Atlanta Falcons is the Monday night game. The 10-4 Saints lost at home to the 12-2 Falcons early in the season when Garret Hartley missed a 29 yard field goal for New Orleans. The Falcons won in overtime. If the Saints win, win next week, and Atlanta loses next week, the Saints win the division and most likely the first round bye and maybe even the top seed. Yet the Falcons clinch the top seed with a win today or next week. The Saints won their biggest game in franchise history last year in the Super Bowl, while this might be the biggest game in Falcons history outside their Super Bowl appearance loss after the 1998 season.

The Game between Chicago and the Jets was supposed to be about defense, and we witnessed a pinball machine of offense. The Saints and the Falcons were supposed to light up the scoreboard but the defenses dominated early on with a ton of punts. Drew Brees did complete 11 of his first 14 passes, and a 52 yard field goal by Garrett Hartley with one minute left in the opening quarter had the Saints up 3-0.

Matt Ryan tried to establish the run, but Michael Turner picked up 5 yards on 7 carries early on. On 3rd and 8 from the Atlanta 38, a fumble by Ryan was recovered by Jonathan Vilma early in the second quarter to give the Saints the ball at the Atlanta 34. On 3rd and 4 Brees hit Graham for 10. Pierre Thomas ran for 16 yards and then carried it the final deuce to have the Saints up 10-0.

The Falcons took over at their own 22 and finally got going. Ryan hit Tony Gonzalez for 7 yards, and Turner finally broke free for a 27 yard gain. On 3rd and 11 from the Saints 45, Ryan hit Snelling for 19. Back to back defensive penalties for illegal use of hands and unnecessary roughness set up 1st and goal at the 7. Ryan hit White for the touchdown midway through the second quarter to have the Falcons within 10-7. Brees worked the 2 minute drill to the Atlanta 40, but was sacked to kill the drive and end the half.

The Falcons began the third quarter at their own 20. On 3rd and 5 Ryan hit Jenkins for just enough. On 2nd and 6 from the Atlanta 49, Ryan decided to target cornerback Tracey Porter. Porter was the hero in the Super Bowl last year but he was not heroic on this drive. While trying to guard Jenkins, defensive pass interference gave the Falcons 15 yards. Ryan tried to go to Jenkins again, and again Porter got flagged, this time for 35 yards down to the one yard line. Yet this game of defense turned again when Turner fumbled at the goal line. The Saints recovered to end the threat and take their 10-7 lead into the fourth quarter.

Yet in this defensive struggle, it would be the defense that would turn the game around again. Less than one minute into the fourth quarter, Brees was intercepted by Davis, who took it 26 yards for the score to have the Falcons up 14-10. Yet Brees came right back firing. From the Saints 32, he went deep to Robert Meachem for a 25 yard gain. He then hit Devry Henderson for 11 more. Yet on 3rd and 8 from the Falcons 30 with 12 minutes to play, Brees was intercepted again. This time John Abraham got the pick, and the Falcons took over at their own 47.

The Falcons gained one first down and nothing more, and Mike Smith did not consider a 60 yard field goal or going for it with 10 1/2 minutes to play, wisely deciding to play field position. The Saints took over at their own 10.

On 3rd and 11 from the 9, Brees hit Moore for 27 yards and again for 12 more. He then hit Meachem for 6. Henderson went around the end for 9. On 3rd and 2 from the Atlanta 38, Brees hit Thomas for 22 down to the 13. On 3rd and 3 from the 6, Brees hit Graham for the go ahead score. The Saints led by a field goal, as the Falcons took over at their own 19 with 3 1/2 minutes to play.

Ryan scrambled for 20, but with 2:52 to play the Falcons faced 4th and 6 at their own 43. Mike Smith decided to punt and trust his defense. Both he and Sean Payton have a tendency to engage in some riverboat gambling, and the end of this game saw Sean Payton taking major risks. Yes, this is the same Super Bowl Champion Sean Payton who began the Super Bowl second half last year with a successful onsides kick.

Everybody in their right mind knows you run the ball in this situation. So from the Saints 14, Brees passed to Graham for a 7 yard gain. Yet the decision appeared to blow up when Graham fumbled it and Lofton recovered for Atlanta. Payton challenged the call, and it was reversed, as the Saints dodged a major bullet and retained possession. Thomas ran for 4 yards and a critical first down at the 2 minute warning.

After Thomas gained 2 more, the Falcons took their 2nd timeout with 1:55 left. Surely Payton thanked his lucky stars and played it safe. No, he called another pass, and Brees found Thomas for 7 yards. With 1:36 left, the Falcons took their final timeout as everything came down to the critical 3rd and 1 call. Payton may have cojones of steel, but he does not have (redacted) for brains. No coach on Earth even allows their quarterback to raise their arms in this situation to even try and throw the ball. Brees handed off to Thomas, who crashed through for 3 yards and the clinching first down as the Saints ran out the clock.

Both of these teams are still in the playoffs, and they both won on the road by 3 points to split the season series. The Falcons are 12-3 and the Saints are 11-4. If the Falcons win next week against NFL worst Carolina or the Saints lose, the Falcons win the top seed and home field throughout the playoffs. Yet if the Falcons lose and the Saints win, the Saints win the division and the Saints, or another team such as Chicago or Philly, would have the top seed. The division non-winner gets the wildcard. Playoffs aside, this was a fine, fine football game. A third rubber match in the NFC Title Game would be well worth it. 17-14 Saints

Minnesota Vikings @ Philadelphia Eagles was supposed to be the Sunday night game, but a blizzard in Philly led the NFL to postpone the game to Tuesday evening. Given that there was no damage, it was disappointing that a potential winter wonderland game was postponed. Then again, Vince Lombardi is no longer around to remind people what football is about.  Brett Favre is doubtful on the injury report, while nobody knows what that actually means because it is Brett Favre. Also, once again when Favre is doubtful an act of God or nature gives him extra time to heal.

If divine providence does not intervene, Joe Webb will most likely start again, while Michael Vick will try to make his case for NFL MVP for the 10-4 Eagles. After their miracle win last week, the Eagles still have a shot at the top seed, although that is doubtful. They have a very good shot at the # 2 slot and the 1st round bye, although right now the tie breaker is against them. They lead their division by one game, while the Vikings are eliminated, and showing little life in a home thrashing last week against Chicago. Welcome to Tuesday Night Football.

Sadly enough, it was not Vick vs Favre, as the grizzled gunslinger stayed out of this one. Watching those two quarterbacks has some symbolism because they represent a pair of changing of the guards. In 1995, Favre and Green Bay went into the defending champions in San Francisco and beat the daylights out of them, shifting the dominance from Steve Young and Frisco and Troy Aikman in Dallas to Favre. The next changing of the guard came in 2002, when Vick and the Falcons went into Green Bay for a snowy playoff game where the Packers had never lost at home. The Falcons won easily, and the next era was born. Both quarterbacks left and came back, although tonight in Minnesota the Joe Webb era had to get legs against a blistering Eagles defense.

With all the buildup, the game itself was dominated by the defenses. Vick began with a 14 yard scramble, but nothing else as both teams punted to start. The Eagles began their second drive at midfield. On 3rd and 10 Vick threw incomplete, but defensive pass interference had the Eagles at the Minnesota 26. On 3rd and 15, Vick found Jeremy Maclin for 28 yards. Vick’s 3 yard touchdown to Harbor was challenged by Leslie Frazier, but the touchdown stood as the Eagles led 7-0.

Webb brought the Vikings back to the Philly 28, but an offensive facemask killed the drive. In the second quarter Vick went deep and was intercepted. Minnesota gave the ball back when Adrian Peterson ripped off a 23 yard gain but then fumbled. Philly would punt and Webb again had Minnesota on the move, reaching the Eagles 29. Yet Webb was sacked to end that threat.

With 55 seconds left in the half the Eagles faced 2nd and 2 at the Minnesota 39. Vick went back to pass, and Antoine Winfield gave chase. Rather than make the hit, Winfield went for the ball and knocked it out of Vick’s hands. Winfield got to it first, scooped it up, and raced 45 yards for the tying touchdown as the stunned home crowd saw a 7-7 game. Vick did lead the Eagles into position for a 54 yard David Akers field goal try at the end of the half, but Akers was short.

The Vikings began the third quarter at their own 26 and Webb immediately went for the jugular, going deep to Percy Harvin for 46 yards. On the next play Webb hit Shiancoe for 23 more. On 2nd and goal at the 2, a touchdown pass was challenged by Walrus Lite Andy Reid. Reid was rewarded when the touchdown call was overturned and ruled incomplete, the second time Minnesota had a touchdown taken off the board. On 3rd and goal at the 2, Webb rolled out with 3 Eagles in pursuit. Before getting rid of it, he was knocked out of bounds for a 10 yard loss. Ryan Longwell made the 30 yard field goal as the Vikings led 10-7.

Philly went 3 and out and the Vikings took over at their own 25. Adrian Peterson ripped off an 18 yard run, and then ran for 9 and finally 3 more. Peterson then caught an 11 yard pass from Webb. Webb then hit Rice for 14 with a personal foul for helmet to helmet adding 15 more. On 2nd and goal from the 9, Webb rolled out again, and somehow eluded 4 tacklers en route to a touchdown to have the Vikings leading 17-7 midway through the third quarter.

Vick led the Eagles from their own 26 to the Minnesota 28.  Vick then avoided a sack and took off running up the middle. Yet Vick had taken several tough hits in this game, and he got blasted on this run, resulting in his second fumble. Jared Allen recovered for Minnesota with 3 minutes left in the third quarter. From 3rd and 7 at the Minnesota 26, Webb scrambled for 7 and a 1st down, but Webb was called for an offensive facemask to end the drive. The Eagles took over at their own 47 as the third quarter ended.

On 3rd and 2 from the Minnesota 45, Vick hit Captain Morgan Brent Celek for 5. On 4th and 1 from the Minnesota 31, everybody knows that Andy Reid does not run the ball. Yet maybe he does, since McCoy gained 5. On 3rd and 9 from the 25, Vick hit Maclin for 15. Vick called a draw play and ran again, this time up the middle for the 10 yard touchdown to have the Eagles within 17-14 with 10 minutes left in regulation.

David Akers uncharacteristically kicked the ensuing kickoff out of bounds, as the Vikings took over at their own 40. On 3rd and 2, Webb hit Booker for 6. On 3rd and 11 from the Eagles 47, Webb found Harvin for 19. Peterson then ran 27 yards to set up 1st and goal at the one as Minnesota tried to get breathing room and Philly tried to keep it a one score game. Peterson was stopped, but the Eagles were called for 12 men on defense. On the next play Peterson barely broke the plane but it was enough to have the Vikings smelling upset at 24-14 with 6:43 to play in the game.

The Eagles took over at their own 16, and Vick got a swing pass to McCoy, who bobbed and weaved past a sea of traffic for a 28 yard gain. After another first down, a sack of Vick set up 4th and 18 at midfield with 4 1/2 minutes left. Andy Reid decided to punt.

On 3rd and 6 from the Minnesota 18, the Eagles took their final timeout with 4:14 to play. Webb scrambled and the spot was marked a 1st down. Although Webb appeared short, the Eagles were out of timeouts and could not challenge the call. A couple plays later, Webb scrambled around and fumbled. He was ruled down by contact and again the Eagles could not challenge it. However, on that one Webb clearly was down.  At the 2 minute warning, The Vikings faced 3rd and 11 at their own 23. The next play would absolutely be a running play, meaning the Eagles would have one minute and 0 timeouts to get 2 scores. They used up their miracles a week earlier.

The Eagles had exactly 1:06 to work with from their own 45, and began with a false start. A pair of completions over the middle kept the clock running, and Vick spiked it with 6 seconds left. Needing 2 scores, they could have brought in Akers for a field goal and then tried the onsides kick. Instead a West Coast pass over the middle was incomplete as time ran out. The Vikings improved to 6-9 and 3-2 under Leslie Frazier. The Eagles at 10-5 ar ein the playoffs and have clinched their division, but have lost their chance at a 1st round bye, which now belongs to Chicago. 24-14 Vikings


NFL 2010 Playoff Musings

Saturday, December 25th, 2010

Before getting to a sponsor and my picks for the week, I offer some football musings as the regular season winds down.

For those looking to a much superior approach, here is veteran analyst John Clayton.

First let’s start with the NFC Worst. If the 49ers beat the Rams and Seattle loses at Tampa, all 3 teams will be 6-9. That means the division winner will have a losing record. Unfortunately the Rams and Seahawks play in the final week of the season, preventing the division winner from being 6-10.

I love it because it is so laughably bad. Some people will want to change the rules to deny the division winner a home playoff game. Let it go. This is an anomoly, and the NFL is fine the way it is. If the Saints go 12-4 and have to go on the road to play the 7-9 NFC Worst team, those are the rules. The 12-4 Colts lost a few years back to the 8-8 Chargers in San Diego. Those are the breaks. You have to play every single week, and a home game guarantees nothing. A couple years back the NFC Title Game featured a pair of 9-7 teams in Philly and Arizona. The Cardinals got their by shocking the 12-4 Panthers in Carolina.

The rules are they are, and it goes in cycles. Leave it alone. If a 12-4 team loses to a 7-9 team, too bad. Plenty of teams pad their record on a soft schedule anyway.

One big game this week is the 9-5 New York Giants at the 8-6 Green Bay Packers. If the Giants win, they are in and the Packers are out. Yet if the Packers win, both teams are 9-6. The Packers would own the tie-breaker. So the Giants could go anywhere from the # 2 seed and a 1st round bye to out of the playoffs completely. Green Bay will have Aaron Rodgers back, while this could be a grudge match of the NFC Title Game 3 years ago when you know who threw the key interception and the Giants won in overtime.

Another big game is the 10-4 New York Jets at the 10-4 Chicago Bears. I have been saying all year that the Bears are pretenders. Yet they are the only team to have clinched their division, although other teams have all but clinched. The Jets could go anywhere from the # 1 seed and home field throughout (not likely) the playoffs to out of the playoffs completely (also not likely). The Bears are the # 2 seed, but that hold is tenuous.

The blockbuster Monday night game has the 10-4 New Orleans Saints at the 12-2 Atlanta Falcons. Early in the season Garrett Hartley missed a 29 yard field goal for the Saints, allowing the Falcons to win a stunner in overtime in New Orleans. Now the Saints travel to Atlanta, where Atlanta is unbeaten. If the Falcons win, they are the # 1 seed for sure. If the Saints win, they still trail the Falcons by one game, but if the 2 teams finish tied the Saints could get the top seed.

Brett Favre is doubtful for the Vikings, which means nothing. # 4 either plays this week, or gets the week off and plays next week. The Vikings are out of it, but the legend of Favre is still being written for 2 more weeks.

The 8-6 Indianapolis Colts are at the 7-7 Oakland Raiders. The Colts are tied with the Jaguars but the Colts have the tie breaker. The Raiders at 7-7 are eliminated from the wildcard but can still win their division. The Chiefs are 9-5 and the Chargers are 8-6. If somehow the Raiders beat the Colts, and the Chiefs lose at home to the Titans (possible but not likely), the Raiders would be at the Chiefs in the final week of the season. If San Diego loses one of two (very possible…they are playing bad teams including Cincy, but both games are on the road), the Raiders and Chiefs would be playing for all the marbles. No matter what happens, the Raiders are much improved, and their is real optimism going into next year. As for the Colts, Joseph Addai might be back after missing 8 weeks with injury.

The Tennessee Titans at 6-8 need a miracle to make the playoffs. They have to win twice, and have Indy and Jacksonville lose twice. With all 3 teams 8-8, the Titans would have the tie breaker.

As for New England, Pittsburgh, and Baltimore, any of these cold weather, physical teams could go on the road and knock out another one. Ironically, Baltimore has the best chance to go into New England and beat them, as they did last year. Pittsburgh has beaten Baltimore in Baltimore this year, and could do it again, although Baltimore won in Pittsburgh. Unless this is the AFC Title Game, the winner of that bloodbath could be too beat up to win the following week. New England has beaten Pittsburgh on the road twice in the playoffs and would easily do so again if needed.

The Jets could be a factor. They beat Pittsburgh on the road but lost to Baltimore at home. The Pittsburgh win came down to the final play while the Baltimore loss was by one point. Both Baltimore vs Pittsburgh games came down to one play near the end. The Jets got carpet bombed at New England, but beat them at home.

So the only thing I know is that I do not know anything. Now that is honest analysis, and why I love football.

Those are my musings. Now for a word from a sponsor.


“Super Bowl Favorites: Patriots & Falcons Lead The Way

The odds have been updated and it’s not really a surprise to anyone: BetUs’s favorites for Super Bowl 45 are the New England Patriots and the Atlanta Falcons.

Both teams are somewhat surprise favorites for the Super Bowl as not many people expected this at the beginning of the season. It’s not that these teams were not capable; it’s just they had more questions to be answered than the perceived favorites.

As it stands now, both the Patriots and Falcons sit at 11-2 atop both of their respective conferences.

The Patriots appeared to have quarterback Tom Brady back in his MVP form and head coach Bill Belichick has done a phenomenal job with the young defense. They continue to improve on a weekly basis. More importantly, the offense doesn’t seem to miss Randy Moss, who was traded midseason.

For the Falcons, they had fewer believers at the beginning of the year but the bandwagon is growing now. The offense is humming as it usually does with Matt Ryan, Roddy White and Michael Turner leading the way. But now the defense has come to play as Mike Smith – formerly a defensive coordinator in Jacksonville – has become respectable.

Interestingly enough, home field advantage is huge for both teams. The Patriots have won 26 straight regular season home games that Brady has started and the Falcons are 18-1 in their last 19 home games that Ryan has started.

With both teams pacing each conference, both should have home field advantage in the playoffs and both will be tough to stop given how well they play in their own confines.

As we hit the home stretch in the NFL season, don’t be surprised if it is the Patriots and Falcons that are left as the last two teams standing in Super Bowl 45.”

Now that a sponsor has had their say, here are my picks for NFL 2010 Week 16.

Carolina Panthers @ Pittsburgh Steelers was the Thursday night game.

(Steelers by 13.5, they cover)

Dallas Cowboys @ Arizona Cardinals was the Saturday night game.

(Cowboys by 6.5, they win but fail to cover)

New England Patriots @ Buffalo Bills

(Patriots by 8, they win but fail to cover)

New York Jets @ Chicago Bears

(Bears by 1.5, Jets win outright)

Baltimore Ravens @ Cleveland Browns

(Ravens by 3, they cover)

Washington Redskins @ Jacksonville Jaguars

(Jaguars by 6.5, they win but fail to cover)

Tennessee Titans @ Kansas City Chiefs

(Chiefs by 5, they win but fail to cover)

Detroit Lions @ Miami Dolphins

(Dolphins by 3.5, they cover)

San Francisco 49ers @ St. Louis Rams

(Rams by 2, 49ers win outright)

San Diego Chargers @ Cincinnati Bengals

(Chargers by 7.5, they cover)

Houston Texans @ Denver Broncos

(Texans by 3, Broncos win outright)

New York Giants @ Green Bay Packers

(Packers by 2.5, Giants win outright)

Seattle Seahawks @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers

(Buccaneers by 6, they win but fail to cover)

Indianapolis Colts @ Oakland Raiders

(Colts by 3, they cover)

Minnesota Vikings @ Philadelphia Eagles is the Sunday night game.

(Eagles by 11.5, they cover)

New Orleans Saints @ Atlanta Falcons is the Monday night game.

(Falcons by 2.5, Saints win outright)


The Real Proselytizers

Saturday, December 25th, 2010

With Hanukkah in the rearview mirror and Christmas upon us, I am continuing my quest to end ideological bigotry. This starts with honoring the wonderful people that make up Christian America.

For those wondering why Christians are still allowed to celebrate Christmas at all, it is because 1000 years ago they took some Radical Islamists trying to establish a Caliphate and beat the daylights out of them. If Radical Islamists do not knock it off, there will be the Crusades Part II, and it will make the original Crusades look like child’s play. Some are offended by the word Crusades. I am offended by planes being flown into towers.

Thank heavens for Christian America on this Christmas.

The best friends that the Jews have are conservative Evangelical Christians. Liberal Jews fail to understand this.

Liberal Jews think that the only reason that conservative Christians support Jews is so that we can all go to Israel, bring about the rapture, and all the Jews will become Christians. They are nothing but proselytizers.

This belief by liberal Jews is absolute truth, if by absolute truth one means clinical insanity.

I have spoken to many conservative audiences all across America. Most of those in the audience are Christians. Observing them has allowed me to compile a statistical analysis of the number of times I have been proselytized to by Christians to convert away from Judaism and to Christianity.

That number is zero.

I have also calculated the number of Synagogue bombings done by Christians in the name of Christianity.

That would also be zero.

The number of Christians involved in planning 9/11 took awhile to count given the victims.

That number turned out to be zero.

So while Radical Islamists are murdering people specifically in the name of Islam, liberal Jews are angry at Christians preaching love thy neighbor, stay in school, avoid drugs, and be faithful in marriage.

The left claims hypocrisy when some Christians become hypocrites and fail to practice what they preach. Yet this does not make the ideals wrong. It is the individuals falling below the standards that need to change, not the standards themselves.

So who are the real proselytizers?

The leftist secularists.

Conservatives don’t care if vegans starve themselves to death. That means fewer vegans on Earth and more meat for us carnivores. It is the vegans running around like lunatics screaming “meat is murder” at innocent people trying to eat burgers in peace.

Conservatives don’t bother animal lovers for loving animals. Yet leftists go into fur coat factories and spray paint the merchandise, when not bombing the companies. The Earth Liberation Front and Animal Liberation Front are terrorists, and the Sierra Club in the 1980s were responsible for bombings in the 1980s specifically in the name of their organization.

Virtually every time there is violence on a horrific scale, it is either secular leftists or Islamists behind it.

They are unified by hatred of Jews, Christians, conservatives, and Republicans. The left claims the other side is violent, yet the right simply wants to get through their day in peace and quiet without leftist or Islamist nutcases blowing something up.

At this point the leftists will race to their keyboards to search for some isolated example of non-leftist violence. This is easier than dropping their own hatred, which they still believe is justified.

Devout Christians do not believe in gay marriage, but it was a leftist who murdered fellow leftist gay Harvey Milk and George Moscone.

The left will never come to terms with their own violence and proselytizing because with them, the ends justify the means. The left is good, the right is evil, and all is fair in hate and war, which sums up the left perfectly.

During this Hanukkah and Christmas season, I ask only that those claiming to love Judaism stop attacking those who also love us.

Christian America consists of so many good people, and if the Radical Islamists take them down while liberal Jews do nothing, then nobody will be around to defend the liberal Jews or anybody else.

I stand beside my fellow Christians and speak up now, because they have and will continue to do the same for me.

Hundreds of Christians all around this great nation wished me a Happy Hanukkah.

So to my Christian brothers and sisters, I wish you a very Merry Christmas.


A Roly Poly Holly Jolly Chris Christie Christmas

Friday, December 24th, 2010

He is big.

He is brash.

He is the King of New Jersey.

No, not Tony Soprano.

Not Rex Ryan.

Not even Bill Parcells.

The undisputed heavyweight King of New Jersey is Governor Chris Christie.

I love this guy.

In fact, I think we should rename Christmas as Chris Christiemas.

After all, even Jesus would have struggled to cut taxes and take on teachers’ unions.

It is one thing for Rudy Giuliani to take on the real life equivalents of the Sopranos. Chris Christie is taking on the teachers’ unions, which neither the Mayor of Gotham or James Gandolfini had the stones to contend with.

Not since I felt a Christmas song should have been resung as “Joey Chestnut roasting Nathan’s Hot Dogs on an open fire” have I been this proud of an American hero.

Rush Limbaugh refers to Chris Christie videos as “political pornography.”

To me they are digital crack. I could watch him slap down bureaucrats and teachers’ union thugs every day of the year and never get bored.

Pro-life Ann Coulter knows Chris Christie is pro-choice, yet she still praises him.

The reason why even the most rabid conservatives love a man who is basically a moderate Republican is because Christ Christie is what most politicians try hard to pretend to be.

Governor Christie is real. He is authentic. Jesus went looking for an honest man.

We found the guy. He is about 300 pounds, looks like a retired New York Giants or Jets tackle, and is tackling budgetary negligence and political corruption. He is taking no prisoners.

He is also fiercely loyal to his staff. While our current president shoves everybody under the bus, Christie actually preaches and practices personal responsibility. When a low level staffer made a mistake on one page of a one thousand page form, resulting in New Jersey losing millions of dollars, Christie refused to fire the person. He blasted the federal government for being unable to use enough common sense to see what the truth should have been.

So as we head into a holiday that is supposed to be about peace on Earth and good will toward men, I recommend we celebrate the pre-holiday by honoring the very best of American politics.

Let’s celebrate honesty, hard work, and loyalty. Let’s celebrate a man willing to end the corruption and bring accountability to government. Forget the man spewing hollow platitudes. Let’s celebrate the man of substance who says what he means, does what he says, and makes no apologies for being and doing right.

The left can continue to make fun of his weight. I say he should proudly declare December 25th in New Jersey to be XXX-MAS, and wear a 3X t-shirt to show off his girth.

Like Parcells and Ryan, people eventually don’t see a fat guy. They just see what I see.

They see a winner.

It is not about his weight. It is about the bloated bureaucracy and budgets nationwide. If Chris Christie can take a meat cleaver to both of those in his home state, the other 49 states will beg him to do the same across America. His liberal opponents will get lumps of coal.

Until then, I wish you all a Roly Poly Holly Jolly Chris Christie Christmas.


More vapid than Barack Obama–The Top 10 Bimbos of 2010

Thursday, December 23rd, 2010

The First Gasbag in Chief held a press conference yesterday where he stated that his first two years in office “were the most productive two years in generations.”

To paraphrase one overrated NFL player, the president sure does love him some him.

Any further discussion of his press conference is unnecessary, since (shockingly enough coming from his hollow majesty), he spoke plenty and said nothing.

Yet while Barack Obama is an empty suit who defines compromise as everybody shutting up and agreeing with him, he is not the least substantive person on the planet.

While it is true that he uses so many words to say absolutely nothing, he has competition in the uselessness department.

While he is the leader of the nation of Gasbagistan, there are people in existence who make him look and sound relevant.

There are people significantly more vapid and hollow than he is.

Well, not significantly, but slightly more.

With that, I offer the people who are more vapid than Barack Obama.

They are the Top 10 Bimbos of 2010.

Let me begin by saying that for reasons of compassion,  John Edwards is not on the list. I went back and forth on this one, and it was a close call. There is always 2011, but for now the family is grieving and I wish them a peaceful holiday where eventually solace sets in.

Lady Gaga is not on the list. While she does have many of the qualities that make her list-worthy, that is not enough. Yes she occasionally screams political lunacy. Who can forget her grabbing her hair and yelling “President Obama are you listening????” Yes, she wears meat, and engages in shock value just for the sake of shock value. Yet she misses this list because this is a list for the truly talentless, and she does have talent. She can sing and she can dance. Her music is not very substantive, but most music lacks substance.

Shockingly enough Snooki is not on the list, even though she spells her own name wrong when it should be Snookie. Either way, I am giving the entire cast of Jersey Shore a pass because they are barely legal adults. They are not acting any dumber than many kids that age, which is more of a sad commentary on college kids in general. While many of these people do grow up to become imbeciles as adults, statistical projections can be wrong no matter how likely.

In what might be the biggest omission from the list, Paris Hilton is not on the list. While much of her public existence has been worthy of the top spot in this wretch-fest (I might be the first person to ever say wretch-fest. I just invented a “sniglet.”), she has gotten one thing right, at least temporarily.

She shut up and disappeared. Maybe jail did her some good. If she stays quiet, she will be left off the list. My issue with her is she would not go away. Then she went away, and I have to withdraw my objection to her existence. I wish her well as a private citizen leading a quiet life. If she opens her mouth in front of a camera again, I will request that she be rearrested.

Ironically, all of those missing the list have some connection to Barack Obama. John Edwards ran against him. Snookie correctly pointed out that he was lying when he said he did not know who she was. Lady Gaga screamed at him publicly over a political issue. Paris Hilton was brilliantly compared to him in a campaign commercial. Some claimed this was racist, but it was just an accurate comparison of substanceless people being compared based on their uselessness.

Not everyone on this list has a connection to Barack Obama. They just belong next to him whenever he wants to be the brightest guy in the room. He always thinks he is, but with these precious few people, he would be right.

With that, here are the Top 10 Bimbos of 2010.

10) Matt Leinart–The only athlete on this list, he played college football for the USC Trojans. He was the big man on campus, and was drafted by the Arizona Cardinals in 2006 with high expectations.

(I always thought he was overrated. He had no arm strength.)

He came across as being more interested in being a Hollywood celebrity than in actually being a good football player. He was caught in the Jacuzzi with multiple women, and got at least one woman pregnant. He even slept with Paris Hilton, cementing his status as a Hollywood celebrity first and an athlete second.

He was given the starting job, only to lose it to 38 year old Kurt Warner. Warner would lead the team to a Super Bowl while Leinart was supposedly sitting and learning. Warner retired, and again Leinart was given the job without having to compete for it. He played so badly in the preseason that he was benched for unheralded Derek Anderson. Leinart sulked, his teammates lost confidence in him, and he was shockingly cut from the team. Now he is a backup quarterback for the Houston Texans. The only team never to make the playoffs does not even let him on the field. He is just taking up space on the bench. If he wants to succeed as a football player, he needs to focus solely on football. Perception is reality.

9) Kathy Griffin–I used to think that griffins were hideously ugly mythical beasts. I now realize they are hideously ugly real live beasts. She is a leftist, which means she is a vicious ideological bigot. The truly best comedians do not have to tear people down for cheap laughs. Her “Bristol Palin is so fat” jokes are unfunny, unoriginal, and unimaginative. Try making jokes about the Obama children and see what happens. Griffin’s tone deaf cluelessness had her making these jokes in front of our military troops, of which Bristol’s brother is a member. The crowd booed her. Given that many in her industry are as disgusting as she is, she will still have plenty of “work,” in whatever it is she actually does.

8.) Arianna Huffington/Ron Reagan Jr.–These two people refuse to go away. The only reason anybody knows who either of these people are is because they were related to people who actually led productive lives.

Arianna Huffington was married to Michael Huffington, an oil man who made good. He got elected to Congress, and she immediately began spouting off. He decided that he was gay and preferred men to her. Yet he left, and she kept talking. She is a follower. Conservatives including Gingrich gain power, she becomes a conservative. Populism becomes powerful, she becomes a populist. The left gains power, she becomes a leftist. She is now bought and paid for by George Soros to spread left-wing hatred.

Ron Reagan Jr. is the son of the great President Ronald Reagan. This gives him a platform to speak despite anything resembling an earned qualification. He claimed that Republicans banned stem cell research, which was a total lie. Yet his biggest sin at this point is continuing to speak up while being that combination of little insight and many opinions. Yes, he is a liberal.

7) California Voters–Only California would reelect Barbara Boxer by deciding that 28 years of failure deserved 6 more. Yet what makes California voters so useless is not that they went left when the entire rest of American went right. The real issue comes in the form of citizen initiatives. The Founding Fathers had California in mind when they warned against direct citizen democracy. Oklahoma was worried about third world genocidal lunatics trying to kill us all, and banned Sharia Law. California, despite being broke, decided that nothing was more vital than helping people get stoned.

So for those wondering how we on the far left coast voted the way we did, just remember that stoners and voting rights make for a dangerous combination. The left had virtual control of California even with a Republican governor that was as liberal as they were. Now they have total control. They will have to govern. They will try and blame Republicans when they inevitably fail, but just like the national scene, voters will not be fooled. Actually, this is Cali. They will be, and the Pelosiraptor and the Boxer will spread the reign of error until we are finished for good. Our best hope is floods or Earthquakes separating us and making us part of Russia, since living under Vladimir Putin will be less oppressive than Boxer or the Pelosiraptor. As we float from America to Russia, stoner surfers will try to ride the waves.

6) Jon Stewart–Liberals refer to him as “hip,” “cool,” and “trendy.” That is a fancy way of saying that he is a complete and utter jack@ss. He is one of those typical liberal self-loathing Jews who thinks that telling anti-Jewish jokes will make him a darling of secular America. He told them all the time when he was a standup comic. Now his idea of humor when not calling George W. Bush a war criminal is telling conservatives to “go f*ck themselves.”

He also called Harry Truman a war criminal, but backtracked when he realized that criticizing liberal Democrats is bad for business. His “apology” was a cold, calculated insincere business decision. In 2010, Glenn Beck held a rally designed to “restore honor.” It was apolitical, and meant to bring people closer to God. It benefited many lives. Stewart responded with a rally designed specifically to attack the Beck audience. It was totally political, and featured lovers of peace such as Yusef Islam, the former Cat Stevens who still supports the Fatwa against Salman Rushdie. Every generation has its share of young morons who know nothing and think they know everything. Jon Stewart is their proud arrogant snob leader.

5) The View–These women are imbeciles. There is no way around it. They could be used as paperweights, despite being intellectual lightweights. Whoopie Goldberg thinks it is professional to storm off of a television set when a guest she invited shows a dissenting opinion. Maybe she learned that from Dan Rather. Barbara Walters is the same spineless woman who will say she disagrees with behavior but not stop it. She stood up for Rosie O’Donnell when she attacked Donald Trump and turned the show into something worse than virtually everything. Elizabeth Hasselbeck is harmless, but she still does not realize the depths with which these other women despise her views and her for having those views and expressing them.

Joy Behar is one of the most disgusting human beings on Earth. When conservatives are on the show, she can barely contain her rage. She is the worst of all possible things. She is loud and opinionated while being an uninformed, unenlightened dolt. She also attacks Bristol Palin, who has never done anything to the Behag. When one is ugly inside and out, the only thing left is for them to call themselves a liberal comedienne, which is a better if inaccurate job description than nasty hideous shrew. Somewhere along the line Helen Thomas had a lesbian affair with Hillary Clinton. The deformed baby was born prematurely. Because it was destined to be a hateful angry leftist, the lovers considered her a joy and named her as such.

4) John Kerry/Al Gore–These two men might be the same person. They are both vacuous, fraudulent windbags who refuse to go away. Al Gore may or may not be a crazed sex poodle, but he at least admitted that he is a political fraud. John Kerry Still believes what he says. Both of these men act like they won their presidential elections, and maintain a sense of entitlement. Gore flies in lear jets while preaching conservation. Kerry wants to raise taxes on everyone else while trying to dodge paying his own. The world will be better off when these two pompous elitists shut up and go away.

3) The Kardashians–The original KKK terrorized people. The “other” KKK consists of Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe. People know them because their father befriended a famous athlete accused of murder. Their entire existence seems to be letting the world know how fabulous they are. I wish no permanent harm on them, but the dumbing down of America will slightly decrease when they get laryngitis. Kim is the worst of the three because she, like Paris Hilton, insists on screwing up the National Football League by sleeping with the players. The only reason she did not sleep with Leinart was because his teammate Reggie Bush did. Bush at least got rid of her after winning a Super Bowl. As for Miles Austin, he will remain off this list next year if he moves on as well. The other one has hobbies that include drunk driving and going on a reality television program and discussing it. Great family. Pure class.

2) The Real Housewives–The Kardashians stopped at 3 people. The Real Housewives multiply like defective rabbits. Every single one of these women should be put in a steel cage and given weapons until only one of them is left. The sole survivor should be given the choice of having her tongue removed or being waterboarded. She would most likely opt for the waterboarding, thinking it is a bubble bath with Aloe Vera.

The worst of these rich miscreants is Mrs. Salahi, who with her husband infiltrated security and got to President Obama at a party. They then bragged about it. The fact that the president was unharmed is irrelevant. They put his life in potential danger. Mrs. Salahi and the rest of the Real Housewives should be sterilized so that they do not bring future idiots into the world. In the spirit of liberal charity, their jewelry collections should be seized, sold, and given to starving third world children. Also, any television executive offering them employment on another show should be fired immediately and sent to Gitmo.

1) Katy Perry/Russell Brand–They are the very worst. These two truly deserve each other, and their marriage will last forever or five years, whichever comes first. They are trying to figure out which is longer.

Katy Perry is a singer who put out one of the worst songs ever made, “California Gurlz.” It is one thing to be vapid. It is another thing to brag about it. She actually wrote a song celebrating the lack of substance of California. Why a truly talented guy like Snoop Dogg had anything to do with her most likely involves some sort of work release program for a youthful offense.

Katy could have just been a talentless youthful bimbette happy to be wealthy. Yet that was not enough for this narcissist. At one of her concerts, she noticed that a guy in the crowd was a boy she liked as a teenager in school. He never knew this, and had another girlfriend. She actually stopped her concert to insult this young man in front of the entire audience. He was stunned, since he went to support his former classmate. She bragged to the crowd that she was now famous, and that he missed out. She even named him. She showed off her ring, and rubbed his face in it. He was happy with his current love, and is probably better off for having never noticed her. On top of that, she was kicked off of Sesame Street for showing her cleavage. So what type of man does a classless woman like Katy Perry choose for a life partner?

Russell Brand is a recovering alcoholic, recovering drug addict, recovering tobacco addict, and recovering sex addict.  Yep, he is a real winner. Yet because he has a British accent, Hollywood has fallen in love with him. Liberals seem to think that every single European is automatically intelligent, as if not a single imbecile could live on the entire continent. Brand is another one of these “comedians” who knows that bashing Republicans will get him far. He caters to the lowest common denominator because he can relate. On top of that, he is also one of these anti-Israel wack jobs who worries about the poor Palesimians, as if he has a single clue about the Middle East.

Back to Perry, does she really think that a guy recovering from 4 different addictions will not screw up at least once? If he permanently quits 3 of them, that means one relapse. I say he breaks down sexually. Is a man who screws everything in sight really going to settle down because some 25 year old giggle jiggle bunny offers him lifetime meaningful companionship? Come on. Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins proved that mutual idiocy and hatred of others is no substitute for meaning. The same can be said of Larry and Laurie David. Eventually shallow people turn inward.

In 2011, Barack Obama will still be with us, offering meaningless platitudes, bromides, meanderings, and nonsense.

Yet maybe there will be hope that the dumbing down of America can be reversed if the others mentioned will just go away.

Paris Hilton did it. I never thought I would say this, but she actually led by example. I hope and pray that the rest of them follow her.

Go quietly, go now, but just go.

The Top 10 Bimbos of 2010 will not be offended by my comments. They celebrate their uselessness, and most likely take pride in winning another award. That is why they are what they are.

Why should they care? It is the innocent public that has been inflicted with their existence.

On to 2011, where hopefully they will take vows of silence.

Now that would be a meaningful societal contribution.