THE TYGRRRR EXPRESS

The Elizabeth Warren and Hillary Clinton Mother’s Day Sports Report

Nothing unites people like sports and recreation. Most people enjoy activities that bring people together in fun, laughter and competition. Only the most deeply unpleasant people among us could find complaints in such revelry.

Welcome to the Elizabeth Warren and Hillary Clinton May Sports Report.

Saturday, May 7 began with Warren’s Twitter temper tantrum against Donald Trump. Things escalated when an angry Liz Warren (redundant) bit Trump on the leg. She wouldn’t let go until he threw a rolled up New York Times and told her to go fetch it.

Warren is enraged at Trump for betting on ‎John Kerry to beat her in the ‎Kentucky Derby.

Poor Shagaf finished dead last. Shagaf is now the Jim Gilmore of the Kentucky Derby, and shall remain beloved and anonymous.

As soon as the Kentucky Derby ended, ‎Elizabeth Warren and ‎Hillary Clinton flew to Maryland to begin training for the Shriekness.

In addition to the Kentucky Derby, Saturday, May 7 was also World Naked Gardening Day. Even some leftist atheists prayed to God not to let ‎Liz Warren and ‎Hillary Clinton celebrate it. Mother Earth has suffered enough. The American Medical Association announced that the leading causes of blindness were Diabetes, Glaucoma, and viewing pictures of ‎Hillary Clinton and ‎Liz Warren celebrating World Naked Gardening Day.

In Los Angeles, Saturday, May 7 was also Rupaul’s DragCon. It was not dedicated to Hillary Clinton and Liz Warren, even though most people conceded that they both really are drags.

Sunday, May 8 was Mother’s Day. As the Kentucky Derby rolled into Mother’s Day, the Churchill Downs announcer was heard excitedly yelling, “and down the stretch (marks) they come!”

Liz Warren & Hillary Clinton to declare Mother’s Day bigoted against women without kids.

They demanded to know why do we have holidays honoring only mothers or fathers. That discriminates against the transgendered!

It must be tough being a liberal. Spending every waking minute complaining about nonsense gets older than Hillary Clinton and Elizabeth Warren.

This is obvious, as plain as the lines on their faces.

What Joan Crawford did to one girl, ‎Elizabeth Warren and Hillary Clinton want to do to the entire country, or at least the half of America who disagrees with them.

In the end, Nyquist won the ‎Kentucky Derby. ‎Rupaul changed back and forth at ‎DragCon. ‎World Naked Gardening Day organizers successfully begged ‎Hillary Clinton and ‎Elizabeth Warren to boycott it. ‎Mother’s Day trailed ‎Cinco De Mayo by three days, although my mom is second to none.

Due to the Jewish Sabbath, religious Jews were unable to attend the Kentucky Derby, DragCon or World Naked Gardening Day. Bernie Sanders is Jewish, but his athletic experience consists of trying to keep Hillary Clinton from beating the daylights out him.

This was the Elizabeth Warren and Hillary Clinton May sports report. Provided neither one ever becomes president, fun activities are expected to remain legal in 2017.

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