Archive for the ‘POLITICS’ Category

Pride humor

Thursday, June 1st, 2023

Pride humor (updated as jokes come in):

I have decided that I am no longer fat. Please praise me for my courage. I demand the right to use the thin person bathrooms although I most likely will still use the big handicap ones with plenty of space provided that nobody else is around.

Whether you’re Trans-fats, Minnesota Fats, or just regular every day fats, America has a place for you. Now to go find a burger for lunch.

For those of you into boycotts and counter-boycotts, leave TransAmerica alone. They are a financial services company. Like me, they don’t care if you are gay or straight. Just deliver good earnings and get the stock price up. Maximize shareholder wealth.
Pride parades are tame compared to Wall Street partying in a bull market!
(Reminds me of the time the Turkish government, angry at criticism from Senator Bob Dole, organized a boycott of the Dole Pineapple company. The panicked company insisted they were apolitical and sent the Turks a lovely fruit basket. Crisis averted with pineapple diplomacy.)

Regarding the recent massive influx of illegal immigrants, many of them identify as LGBTQ. They even have their own gender-based transportation services. Therefore, we must fight back by boycotting the Transcontinental Railroad.

The song “Why are there so many songs about rainbows?” is obviously an attack on the LGBTQ Community. It is time to immediately start boycotting Kermit the Frog and all of his cousins in the frog community. To be on the safe side, stoners who get high licking frogs should make sure that any frogs they lick are on the approved Act Blue list.

Pride month across most of America:
“I am gay, hear me roar. I am proud to wear this rainbow t-shirt.”
Pride month in Detroit:
“I am football, hear me roar. For once, I’m not suffering. I’m on the verge of being proud of wearing this Lions t-shirt.”

eric

Earth to the gay community:

Thursday, June 1st, 2023
Earth to the gay community:
Today begins June, which is “Pride Month.”
Your community is trying to do 2 things that are completely contradictory. You are trying to: 1) Be seen as normal with full equality in society…while simultaneously: 2) acting in ways that are the opposite of anything normal. I cannot define normal but I know crazy when I see it. So here is my advice to you if and only if you truly want to be seen as normal:
1) Denounce “Queers for Palestine.” They are an anti-Semitic hate group.
2) Do not engage in physical violence toward people who disagree with you unless you are acting in self-defense of an imminent threat. There is no excuse for a transgender person in Nashville to shoot a bunch of innocent Christian children.
3) Stop using your movement to push leftist politics such as cl1m@te ch@nge or gun control. Stop lying about events to push this agenda. The Pulse Nightclub shooting was a horrific act of Radical Isl@m.
4) Stop discriminating against Republicans, especially gay Republican groups like the Log Cabin Republicans. They are not self-hating gays. They are pro-gay rights and pro-limited government. If you want the government out of your bedrooms, then you should want government out of your pocketbooks also.
5) Condemn anyone who sexualizes children, gay or straight. Drag queen shows are fine for adults. They are not for children. Ever. Children should not be in strip clubs, whether gay or straight. Drag queen shows are popular because they are risque, edgy, and over the top. That is the opposite of normal. If they were normal, that would be boring and nobody would see them. If you are compelled to sexualize kids, you deserve to be locked up.
6) Live and let live. You can be pro-you without being anti-others. If you hate people because they disagree with you or have different values, you are just as bigoted as those you accuse. Groups that are anti-Protestant or anti-Catholic do not get a free pass just because those expressing these anti-Christian views happen to be gay.
7) Don’t block traffic. This goes for all protesters, marchers, or partiers of any kind. If you block people from getting to or from work, you are awful. This crosses all strata. Keep the celebrations on the sidewalks, not in the middle of the streets unless the streets are blocked off for the occasion with a valid permit.
8.) Public nudity is not acceptable, regardless of whether you are gay or straight. Again, normal people are not exhibitionists.
9) If you are going to be decked out in all rainbow colors and have rainbow colors all over your social media, make sure to have red, white and blue everywhere in the days leading up to Independence Day. It bothers many patriotic Americans when they see rainbows everywhere in June but nothing on July 4th. Be proud to live in a country where you are free to be whatever you choose. America is awesome. Don’t demand anyone except pride in your sexuality if you refuse to have pride in our country.
10.) Being gay is not an accomplishment. Celebrate accomplishments. The day gay marriage became legal is a major historical event. The Supreme Court, the highest court in the land, gave gay people full equality. That is more important than anyone’s mere being. That is history. History matters.
My friend Deron died a few days ago. He was not political. He was a proud gay man, but he was also a proud Christian who loved his Jewish friend, me. We were friends for 44 years. He was normal. He was all about live and let live. Everyone gay and straight could learn from his life example. That is why he was accepted and liked by everyone who met him.
His life is what LGBTQ people should strive for. You can have normalcy or exhibitionism. You cannot have or be both. If you reject all criticism as bigotry, you will alienate people who want to be on your side but have legitimate concerns.
Take it or leave it. I hope you take my advice. I will never judge someone based on their sexual orientation. I judge people based on the content of their character. Bad conduct is bad character. Your character is your destiny.

Jim Brown: The best, on and off the field

Wednesday, May 24th, 2023

National Football League flags flew at half-staff on May 19th upon news of the death of Hall of Fame running back Jim Brown. The Cleveland Browns legend was 87, but he still left the world far too soon. Even those unfamiliar with football could learn valuable lessons from Brown’s consequential life.

 

On the field, Brown was the greatest professional football player ever. Fans of Tom Brady, Peyton Manning and Jerry Rice may disagree, but Brown was the best. Brady and Manning played a protected position in a cocoon pocket. Defenders received penalties for barely touching them. Rice ran around in open spaces. Football is a collision sport. Those men smartly avoided collisions. Brown initiated collisions and won them. He had speed, but his raw power allowed him to dominate men dedicated to stopping him. Brown bowled over men in an era before many safety protocols were enacted. Others played football. Brown is football.

 

One famous incident occurred between Brown and superstar New York Giants linebacker Sam Huff. After tackling Brown for a loss, Huff yelled, “Brown, you stink.” On the next play, Brown blew past everyone for a 75-yard touchdown run. Upon reaching the end zone, Brown yelled out, “Hey Sam, how do I smell from here?”

 

Battles between these two competitors occurred in the late 1950s and early 1960s against the backdrop of racial politics. Brown was the leading black athlete while Huff was white. Yet on the field, these men shared mutual respect. Whoever won on any given Sunday did so on merit.

 

Brown was keenly aware of the civil rights struggle for racial equality, but he separated politics from football. His coach Paul Brown (not related) drilled into his players the concept of meritocracy. Jim Brown remarked in an interview that “Paul didn’t talk to us about integration. He talked to us about excellence.”

 

Jim Brown was dedicated to excellence, which allowed him to be more vocal about political and social matters. The American white majority accepted and embraced Tiger Woods and Michael Jordan because of the groundwork laid by Muhammad Ali and Jim Brown.

 

After winning the 1964 NFL Championship, Brown became an international star. When Cleveland Browns owner Art Modell tried to rein Brown in, Brown simply retired from football in 1965 at the peak of his dominance. He then became even more relevant.

 

When society frowned about black men romancing white women, Brown shared a big screen romance with the biggest Caucasian female sex symbol alive. His kiss with Raquel Welch had every red-blooded American male wanting to be Jim Brown.

 

Yet conquering football and Hollywood was not enough. Brown stayed hungry, this time for political change and social action. Now he had more than power. He had moral authority. He counseled of thousands of young black men into bettering themselves. He straddled the fine line between demanding more for blacks from white America and more for blacks from themselves. Brown would often sit with rival gang members and get them to make peace. Very few people could get them into a room together. Brown demanded that the black-on-black gang warfare stop. Many gang members listened.

 

Brown also formed the Black Economic Union to help minority-owned businesses achieve more opportunities. Presidents Barack Obama and Donald Trump both worked with Brown on his economic and mentoring initiatives in minority communities. When Brown spoke, both of these loquacious political leaders listened silently. Brown did not want to hear political talk. He wanted from politicians what he delivered his entire life…results.

 

Brown demanded that the American government help level the racial playing field. He simultaneously demanded of young black men that once they are on their chosen field, that they strive for excellence. This dual track allowed Brown to be revered by black leftists and white conservatives alike.

 

The NFL lost a legend. The world lost a man of excellence who embodied the spirit of American exceptionalism.

eric

Does fake news even matter?

Friday, March 24th, 2023

Does fake news even matter?

Does Fake News Even matter?

In recent years, a common term thrown around is “fake news.”

 

Fake news has been treated as an existential crisis. Hillary Clinton blamed fake news propagated by the Russians for her 2016 loss to Donald Trump. President Trump repeatedly attacked the media for spreading fake news. Tech CEOs and government officials have taken unprecedented steps to restrict and censor stories deemed to be fake news.

 

One problem with this approach is that determining what constitutes fake news is often subjective. Many political activists deem fake news to be anything they politically disagree with. On more than one occasion, stories that were deemed fake news turned out to be truthful. The Hunter Biden laptop story was censored and dismissed as “Russian disinformation” right before the 2020 presidential election. By attempting to prevent a possible fake news story influencing an election, the censors may have influenced the election in the opposite direction.

 

Another problem comes from individual arbiters lacking intellectual discernment. They cannot process the nuances between reality and satire. The Babylon Bee clearly advertises itself as a leading source of fake news. Their stories are frequently censored despite their publicly stating upfront that their entire business model is humorous fake news.

 

Yet for those who are capable of going beyond politics, an even deep question arises.

 

Does fake news even matter?

Maybe people should be free to spread as much fake news as they want. Readers should be responsible for doing their own due diligence.

Honesty matters, but knowingly saying or posting something false should be an ethical matter, not a legal one.

This is not about politics. A person may post that they are worth 20 billion dollars and leaving their money to their dog. Why should it matter to the government that the person is a working stiff who does not even own a dog?

It is illegal to lie in a court of law or in a deposition. There are legal remedies for people who are victims of libel, slander, or defamation. Beyond those clear lines, why should it matter if a person chooses to post something online that is completely false?

Try going to a local bar. Plenty of people are lying about their age, income, occupation, and pretty much everything else in an attempt to impress a potential business or romantic interest.

Take the advertising industry. Their entire industry is about convincing people that they are ugly and hopeless. Advertisers then convince people that certain products will make them beautiful and hopeful. Does anyone really believe that a certain toothpaste will make you better than you were before?
If fake news were illegal, almost every internet and mobile dating profile would need to be shut down. So would chatrooms where people discuss everything from their stock recommendations to their foolproof cold remedies and home cleaning products. People buying every product they see on an infomercial or online advertisement should not blame others for their own gullibility.

Rather than criminalize lying, it should be the responsibility of individuals to think for themselves.

 

Until then, the answer is more speech for everyone. Let everybody embellish their wealth and beauty. Let everyone link to articles that are absurd on their face. Let everyone sell falsehoods if they choose. Then caveat emptor, let the buyer beware.

 

Let the online version of the National Enquirer insist that aliens from another planet are impregnating Hollywood celebrities. Maybe those alien children are rigging our elections by implanting microchips in our arms.

 

Let the craziest conspiracy theories flow wild and free. Given how depressing real news can be, maybe it is best that fake news be allowed to stay with us. It is better to expose thousands of preposterous stories than live in a nation denying Americans the chance to do their own vetting.

Lying is harmful. Letting government decide what constitutes lying is far worse.

eric

Liberals created and keep fueling the MAGA movement

Wednesday, March 8th, 2023

Liberals created and keep fueling the MAGA movement.

 

Donald Trump is amidst his third straight presidential run. Conservatives split between those wanting the former president to regain power and those singing Bob Seger’s “Turn the page.” Liberals uniformly oppose Trump for a litany of reasons. Many liberals see Mr. Trump as Frankenstein’s monster. Lacking self-awareness on this issue, these liberals fail to realize they are Frankenstein. They created Trump, nurtured him, and continue eight years later to feed, fuel and motivate him and his “Make America Great Again” (MAGA) movement.

 

Understanding Trump’s initial rise requires returning to 2011. President Barack Obama’s presidency was flailing. Fear of economic collapse that swept him into office in 2008 had not dissipated. Flowery words about hope and change drowned under a tidal wave of tough events. “Yes, we can” became “No, he couldn’t.” Governor Mitt Romney promised a brighter future. In their first presidential debate, Mr. Romney cleaned Mr. Obama’s clock. Obama’s campaign realized a positive reelection campaign like Ronald Reagan’s 1984 “Morning in America” or Bill Clinton’s 1996 “Bridge to the 21st Century” would fail. Obama ran a slash and burn campaign that stripped Romney’s humanity.

 

Romney in 2012 was considered one of the finest, most decent men to ever seek the White House. Obama’s team successfully painted Romney as a racist sexist heartless plutocratic vulture capitalist who enjoyed firing people. Romney’s handlers hurt matters by insisting he offer gentle rebuttals to Obama’s Chicago haymakers. Obama verbally decked Romney repeatedly and punched his way to a second term.

 

Republicans seethed, but it was their own fault Romney and Senator John McCain before him pulled punches out of fear of criticizing America’s first partially black president. With Hillary Clinton in 2016, Republicans faced the same quandary.

 

Romney was a polite Midwesterner. Republicans needed a street brawler. Only three GOP brawlers existed, all hailing near greater New York. Rudy Giuliani underperformed in 2008.  New Jersey’s Chris Christie likewise underwhelmed in 2012. They opted out in 2016. Only Donald Trump remained.

 

Republicans overruled concerns about Trump’s behavior and policy positions solely because he was as ferocious a counter-puncher as they came. He would not be cowed by Obama’s race or Hillary Clinton’s gender. When hit, he hit back 100 times as hard. No blow was out of bounds. Rosie O’Donnell learned the hard way. She started a needless feud with him for laughs. He made her cry.

 

Trump’s campaign was also a fist in the eyes of smug late night comedians. Seth Meyers roasted him at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, calling Trump a “joke.” John Oliver dared Trump to run. Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel openly ridiculed him. They were not laughing after he won.

 

Yet the biggest gift American liberals gave Trump was a clear policy lane. Trump kept speaking to forgotten American workers. He hammered his two themes of trade and immigration. His undisciplined personal style aside, Trump was remarkably disciplined on policy. Voters felt economic angst, and he stuck with the same themes he had addressed for over 30 years. He knew exactly what he believed.

 

Democrats meanwhile kept obsessing over abortion, gay rights and climate change. Voters understood abortion was legal and gay marriage was law of the land. Climate change continued to register at the bottom of opinion surveys. Only a few rich white liberals cared.

 

During the campaign’s final week, Trump spoke in the calm, measured voice Kellyanne Conway taught him. His bombast took a vacation. He was on message and on teleprompter. Hillary Clinton and Liz Warren screamed their lungs out on their self-titled “Nasty women tour.” Bill Clinton, as brilliant as they come, begged Hillary to get away from Warren. Outside of deep blue areas, Warren was politically toxic.

 

On election day, Trump campaigned in Wisconsin. Hillary partied with A-list celebrities in Philadelphia, her only Pennsylvania campaign visit. She never visited Wisconsin. Trump’s victory equated to “Caddyshack” Rodney Dangerfield defeating Ted Knight’s Judge Smails. The slobs beat the snobs.

 

Eight years later, a majority of Democrats still have not learned. Some prop Trump up under the belief he cannot win. A more plausible explanation is they simply cannot ignore him. The more President Joe Biden fails, the more Democrats frighten voters with “Orange Man Bad.”

 

Voters are not stupid. Karl Rove, who led George W. Bush to two presidential victories, repeatedly reminds politicians that “The masses are not asses.” James Carville, who led Bill Clinton to victory twice, beseeches Democrats to shut up about gender pronouns. He knows “woke” language and behavior is hated. Carville penned the phrase “It’s the economy, stupid.” Trump still understands this. No evidence exists that Biden’s cabinet does. Telling blue collar coal miners to embrace green economics is telling them to go to hell. That is arrogance, not leadership. Endless Covid lockdowns and mandates add fuel to the fire.

 

Democrats openly mocked Trump, his policies and his voters. They still weaponize government against his voters. Most Trump voters are not racists, sexists, conspiracy theorists or insurrectionists. They just want a better life.

 

The more Democrats refuse to recognize that Trump, and more importantly Trump voters, are human beings, the more Trump exploits that condescension. Democrats created Trump’s movement by dismissing his voters as society’s filthy dregs. Trump reminded these voters that their lives matter as much as any other lives.

 

With spiraling inflation, food and fuel prices, and crime, Democrats need better answers than blaming Trump. He offers to fix problems. Even those questioning his policy prescriptions concede that at least he has them. Democrats simply care more about climate change and gender issues. Attacking voters as anti-gay bigots seeking to murder Mother Earth gives Trump his opening.

 

Had Democrats paid attention to what voters care about and ignored identity politics, Romney would have served two terms. Trump would have spent a decade building bigger and better golf courses.

 

A 2024 Trump win would not be because he is that spectacular. It would be because enough voters believe Democrats, just as in 2016, are still that indifferent and awful.

TYGRRRR EXPRESS 2023 Pacific Northwest Speaking Schedule

Sunday, February 26th, 2023

TYGRRRR EXPRESS 2023 Pacific Northwest Speaking Schedule

Monday, February 27, 2023 — Early morning flight from Los Angeles to Portland.

OREGON:  

Monday, February 27 — Benton County Republican Women in Corvallis in Western Oregon. Lunch.

Tuesday, February 28, 2023 — Deschutes County GOP Lincoln Dinner in Redmond in Central Oregon. 

Wednesday, March 1, 2023 — People’s Rights Group in Powell Butte in Central Oregon. Dinner.

Thursday, March 2, 2023 — North Coast Republican Women in NW Oregon near Portland. Lunch.

Thursday, March 2, 2023 — Drive from North of Portland to Seattle, Washington.

WASHINGTON:

Monday, March 6, 2023 — East Pierce Republican Women near Seattle, Washington. Lunch.

Monday, March 6-Tuesday March 7 — Purim with Chabad of Pacific NW in Seattle and Shoreline. 

Thursday, March 9, 2023 — Kitsap County Republican Woman. West of Seattle. Lunch.

Thursday, March 9, 2023 — Flying from Seattle back to Los Angeles.

eric

State of the Useless 2023

Tuesday, February 7th, 2023

State of the Useless 2023: Biden’s Build Back Blather

State of the Union 2023: Biden’s Build Back Blather

UNMENTIONED: violent crime, Iran building a bomb, radical Islam, Southern border, price of eggs, price of beef, social media censorship. the earthquake in Turkey.

LIES:

Inflation was caused by Covid and Putin — No. Spending causes inflation. The Inflation Reduction Act exacerbated inflation. 

Climate crisis — There is none.

Corporations paying 0 taxes — Corporations invest billions of dollars into research and development. Corporations risk their own money. 

Billionaires paying lower tax rate than teachers — Apples and oranges. Capital gains rates are lower than ordinary income rates. Liberals could lower ordinary income rates. Instead they try to raise capital gains rates. 

Republicans want to eliminate Social Security and Medicare — This lie was debunked in 1995. It’s still false.

Burger workers and cashiers signing non-compete clauses — False. Non-compete clauses are for white collar workers in executive positions. McDonalds does not care if you quit and join Burger King. 

He wants to hire more border workers — He fired them. 

We stood up to Putin when Russia invaded Ukraine — We did nothing. The war rages on. 

He stood up to Chinese aggression — The Chinese government is  stealing our intellectual property, flooding our nation with drugs, and spying on us without consequences. 

Linked attack on Paul Pelosi to January 6th insurrectionists — There was no insurrection. Pelosi’s attacker was a mentally ill leftist and a Canadian. 

1/2 truths:

Gas prices are down — Down from the high last year, still much higher than 2 years ago.

Inflation is down — Down from the high last year, still much higher than 2 years ago.

Supply chain is recovering — Better than last year, still much worse than 2 years ago.

Passed gun safety laws — The courts are striking these laws down as unconstitutional.

Awful ideas:

Price caps on prescription drugs — Companies lose money on every failed drug. They use the profits from their winners to offset their losers. Price controls were tried in the 1970s and failed.

Quadruple the tax on stock buybacks — Companies should buy back their own stock. It shows confidence in the company. They are putting their money where their mouths are. 

Taxing unrealized gains — Unrealized gains do not exist. If a person pays this tax and then their asset crashes in value, they will then have paid taxes on a loss. 

Free pre-school — We need less leftist anti-American indoctrination, not more. This would bust the budget. 

Raises for public schoolteachers — No. Close public schools. Get government out of the public school business. 

Ban assault weapons — There is no such thing as an assault weapon. People who push gun control want to bans that look scary. This would increase crime since criminals do not obey laws. 

eric

My birthday: 51 happy memories upon turning 51

Tuesday, January 10th, 2023

My birthday: 51 happy memories upon turning 51

I entered this world 51 years ago today on January 9, 1972. On my 49th birthday, here are 49 happy memories.

1.) Every moment I ever spent with my grandparents. They are gone now, but I had all four of them when I graduated college and three of them when I turned 30. I am blessed.

2.) January 9, 1977 — The Oakland Raiders won the Super Bowl on my fifth birthday. I saw the logo and became a Raider for life.

3.) August 15, 1980 — Smokey and the Bandit II came out. I saw the original and the sequel and became a lifelong fan of the Bandit and the Snowman.

4.) January 22, 1984 — The Raiders won their third Super Bowl. I still remember telling the kids at school the next day one simple message. “Just win baby!”

5.) January 21, 1985 — I had my Bar Mitzvah, the Jewish passage into manhood. My Orthodox Rabbi grandfather led the ceremony.

6.) July 13, 1990 — I watched Bill Murray in “Quick Change” for the first of over 100 times. This movie is true New York, and Murray remains a national hero.

7.) August 26, 1990 — I flew from New York to Los Angeles for college. I immediately fell in love with this city and never left.

8.) September 26, 1990 — I joined the campus radio station and developed my lifelong love of radio.

9.) May 10, 1992 — I wrote my first song. 70 more would follow.

10.) January 9, 1994 — The Raiders won a playoff game over arch rival Denver on my 22nd birthday. We all had a big party to celebrate afterward at 1950s Cafe Ed Debevic’s.

11.) June 14, 1994 — The New York Rangers won the NHL Stanley Cup and ended the 54 year curse.

12.) September 13, 1994 — I passed the Series 7 stockbroker’s exam. At that moment I was now a professional.

13.) June 1, 1997 — I saw my friend doing something on a computer that seemed different. He was in a chat room. It was my first time using the Internet.

14.) July 4, 1999 — My friends and I crashed an Independence Day party on the beach and escaped moments before police busted up the party.

15.) September 23, 1999 — I finally got my driver’s license. I never needed one before.

16.) December 31, 1999 — Ringing in the Millennium in Las Vegas.

17.) March 1, 2000 — I flew from Los Angeles to New Orleans for Mardi Gras 2000. I still have my Calvin and Hobbes t-shirt, “Life is short. Party naked. Mardi Gras 2000.”

18.) February 13, 2003 — I watched the movie “Old School.” I will forever thank Vince Vaughn, Will Ferrell and “The Godfather” Luke Wilson for inspiring me at age 31 to finally start going to Florida for Spring Break. Years of South Beach, Miami revelry ensued at the Clevelander and Ocean’s 10.

19.) March 14, 2003 — I flew to Singapore and Thailand and got to experience five days of beauty in each country. I met the Jewish communities of both nations.

20.) November 4, 2003 — NFL Network was born. Finally, a television channel worth watching existed.

21.) November 2, 2004 — Enjoying the 2004 election with my closest friends.

22.) February 12, 2006 — I flew from Los Angeles to Hawaii. I met the Jewish community of Honolulu and attended my first NFL Pro Bowl. I met ESPN’s Chris Berman.

23.) April 28, 2006 — I flew from Los Angeles to New York and went to Radio City Music Hall. For the first time, I got to attend the NFL Draft and meet a bunch of great football heroes.

24.) August 4, 2006 — I flew from Los Angeles to Ohio and drove to Canton. I visited the Pro Football Hall of Fame, saw the induction ceremony featuring John Madden, and attended the Pro Football Hall of Fame Game.

25.) March 11, 2007 — I Started a blog called the Tygrrrr Express. That column somehow turned into five books and a national speaking career.

26.) September 11, 2007 — On the sixth anniversary of the attacks, I flew from Los Angeles to New York and then drove to Great Adventure in New Jersey. I attended Sean Hannity’s Freedom Concert and saw New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani light up the crowd.

27.) October 17, 2007 — I joined Facebook. Between that and Twitter, I have met many good people, increased book sales, and built my business.

28.) February 2, 2008 — I flew from Los Angeles to Phoenix and attended my first Super Bowl. The New York Giants shocked the previously unbeaten New England Patriots.

29.) March 30, 2008 — My friend adopted a child from Guatemala. On this day “the boy” turned one. Being “Unca Eric” is the best job in the world.

30.) May 13, 2008 — I flew from Los Angeles to Washington, DC. I attended the Republican Jewish Coalition Leadership Conference and met Dr. Charles Krauthammer.

31.) August 6, 2008 — I flew from Los Angeles to Israel and spent a week in the Holy Land.

32.) August 30, 2008 — I flew from Los Angeles to Minneapolis for my first Republican Convention. For a week, friends and I slept in a sports bar. It was like being Norm Peterson from “Cheers.”

33.) April 5, 2009 — My first book “Ideological Bigotry” was published.

34.) September 1, 2009 — I left Wall Street after 15 years and began my career as a full-time professional speaker.

35.) November 11, 2009 — I flew from Los Angeles to Galveston and spoke at the Texas Federation of Republican Women Convention. I made TFRW and other lifelong friends in the Lone Star State.

36.) March 11, 2010 — I flew from Los Angeles to Oklahoma City to speak at the National Federation of Republican Women Spring Conference. That launched me nationally since the NFRW run the world.

37.) May 1, 2011 — In Aiken, South Carolina, I saw the news that Osama bin Laden was killed. That night I told my very best political joke. “Osama bin Laden is now burning underground with 72 Helen Thomases.” It was the bookend to my very first political joke. “Never rely on a Palestinian GPS tracker. I took one wrong turn, ended up at a cemetery, and a sinister voice said, ‘You have reached your final destination!’ I got so angry I threw the thing out the window, which was good because 5 seconds later it exploded.”

38.) February 9, 2013 — I met Vice President Dick Cheney and spoke in front of him at a dinner.

39.) September 25, 2013 — I spoke to a Tea Party group in Hays, Kansas. At that moment, I had officially spoken in all 50 states.

40.) November 4, 2014 — I spoke at an election night party in New Jersey.

41.) March 20, 2015 — After writing four political comedy books, I finished my first religious comedy book “Jewish Lunacy.” This allowed me to move beyond political speaking into religious speaking.

42.) May 12, 2015 — I met President George W. Bush and shook his hand.

43.) November 8, 2016 — Enjoyed a raucous election night party in Raleigh, North Carolina.

44.) Any woman whoever let me play with her yummy bouncies or at least was nice enough to send me pictures of them.

45.) January 9, 2018 — On my 46th birthday, the return of Chucky as Jon Gruden returns to the Black Hole to rejoin the Raiders. Like me, Gruden has unfinished business.

46.) November 9, 2018 — I met Angela Lansbury in Beverly Hills and got my picture taken with her. She remains one of the most talented people in the history of entertainment.

47.) 2019 was the year I branch out beyond books and into t-shirts. I started with 2 or 3 designs in 2017 and 2018. By the end of 2019 I had 49 mostly original t-shirt designs. Now I have over 250 mostly original designs. My best seller remains “Stop judging women by their tops. #BackSidesMatter!”

48.) 2020 was a brutal year for so many people because of a global pandemic. Yet thank God I was healthy and in better financial condition than previous years. On January 9, 2021, I watched the NFL Wildcard playoffs with friends. Normally there would be 2 games as has been the case for the last 30 years. Yet for the first time, there were 3 games, with 3 more to occur on January 10th. I watched football all day and had a great day with people who matter to me. I was besieged with well-wishes from hundreds of people by text, phone call and social media. My birthday evening capped with a special someone. I am blessed as can be to have had such a great birthday.

49.) August 9, 2021 — Rabbi Yaakov Perman of Chabad Leawood, Kansas helped me put on Tefillin. At that moment, I had finally put on Tefillin in all 50 states. 

50.) On February 14, 2022, I achieved the American dream that I thought was forever beyond my reached. I finally bought a home. I own a condo in North Miami, Florida. 

51.) On August 14, 2022, I achieved another dream that I thought would never happen. After a life of bachelorhood, I got married. She is a Republican Jewish brunette. 

I would like to thank my parents for raising me right and Angela Lansbury’s JB Fletcher of “Murder, She Wrote” for catching murderers and making the world safer.

Anything I could possibly wish for has already been granted.

eric @ Tygrrrr Express

1/6 blah blah blah: When doofuses acted like college Spring Breakers

Friday, January 6th, 2023

January 6: When doofuses acted like college Spring Breakers

LOS ANGELES, January 6, 2023 — For those who read liberal textbooks or listen to liberal television personalities, only three events have ever happened in American history. In 1619, a bunch of white racists enslaved black people and started a nation built on systemic racism. Then in 1968, Dr. Martin Luther King was assassinated. Then on January 6, 2021, an insurrection by white racists caused a threat to our democracy that remains today.

Those living in the real world and not overdosing on recreational pharmaceuticals properly dismiss such hysteria. The truth is far more boring and far less sinister. 

There was no insurrection. An insurrection is a coordinated effort to destabilize and overthrow a legally elected government pr governing entity. Picture Hillary Clinton and John Brennan inventing a fictional conspiracy out of thin air involving Donald Trump and the Russian government. Picture Wisconsin liberals storming their state capitol and repeatedly threatening Governor Scott Walker’s life over a collective bargaining law. Picture Antifa activists burning down cities, neighborhoods and police stations due to a non-existent epidemic of white police officers murdering black citizens in cold blood. 

Picture Congressman Steve Scalise being shot, Senator Rand Paul being beaten within an inch of his life, North Carolina GOP headquarters being firebombed, and a Duval, Florida GOP booth being rammed into by a truck. Picture a black man named Darrell Brooks taking out his rage over the Kyle Rittenhouse verdict by mowing down innocent Waukesha grandmothers at a Christmas parade. Picture progressive mayors and district attorneys purposely letting violent criminals out of jail to commit more crimes. 

All of those events involve massive amounts of violence that destabilize society. Try getting through a weekend in Chicago without a child being shot to death. Good luck. 

By comparison, January 6 was nothing. It was not September 11. It was not Pearl Harbor. It was not the George Floyd riots. All of those events involved mass numbers of casualties.

Not all of the mindless comments about January 6 come from the left. There is idiocy by some people who are right of center as well.

The January 6 rioters were not heroes or patriots. What they did was wrong. While there may have been a few leftist plants there, let us not pretend this was one giant leftist conspiracy. The left is ruthlessly organized. January 6 was disorganized, uncoordinated chaos. 

The left loves January 6 because it creates the myth of conservative violence while suppressing actual leftist violence. In reality, January 6 increased the percentage of right-wing violence to an asterisk, well below one percent but not absolute zero. The percentage of violence committed by leftists dropped from completely 100% to significantly more than 99.99%. 

Five people died on January 6, less than 1% of the  casualties caused by the George Floyd riots. Three of the five died of natural causes, including one police officer. One person died of a drug overdose. One unarmed Trump supporter and veteran named Ashli Babbitt was shot to death by police officer Michael Byrd. Officer Byrd is being protected from questioning because the left is perfectly fine with an officer shooting an unarmed woman as long as the woman is a conservative. 

If the people on January 6 were insurrectionists, they were the dumbest and politest insurrectionists in the history of political terrorism. They were about as dangerous as your average group of College Spring Breakers. They were guilty of hijinks similar to the movie “Animal House.” Many of the people who entered the Capitol walked around aimlessly, took selfies, thanked the police officers, and left. 

These were doofuses. They committed misdemeanor trespassing. They should have paid a $200 fine and been sent home. No officials were in any danger, despite Alexandria Occasional Cortex’s clutching of her pearls. 

Those who committed violence deserve to be punished with jail, but that is a fraction of the protesters. Let us not pretend that this was anything other than an isolated incident by a mob of people who entered the Capitol without anything remotely resembling an objective. 

What really enrages Democrats about January 6 is that most voters no longer care. From climate change to Covid to January 6, the left keeps repeating the same boring refrain. We are all going to die, and Republicans are killing us all. That is why Jen Psaki keeps referring to Trump as practicing “the big lie.” That is a Holocaust reference, and Trump is the latest Republican president to be compared to Adolf Hitler. To compare the murder of six million Jews to a few hundred people taking selfies at the Capitol used to be offensive. Now it is just tired and boring. Most Americans do not believe that Trump or any other Republican is a genocidal monster who will eat their babies. 

If Democrats could govern, they would have positive accomplishments to brag about. Skyrocketing crime and inflation do not go over well with voters. Democrats failed to pass their Build Back Better agenda. Soon they will fail to pass their vote-rigging bill meant to nationalize local elections. They failed to enact national Covid mandates, as constitutionalist judges keep striking those mandates down. They are desperate to drag January 6 out until the November elections, but voters know better. 

The left is so desperate for right-wing villains that they have been reduced to inventing them. This is why Juicy Smelly-Derriere had to invent fake right-wingers to roam the South Side of Chicago at 2:00 a.m. in the freezing cold to beat up a gay black man. 

January 6 was not a hoax, but the narrative around it is. Bad behavior happened on January 6, but it was insignificant in terms of size, scope, and purpose. If the people who entered the Capitol are unable to explain why they did it, chances are they have no idea why. This makes them dumb individuals. 

Let us have a return to sanity. This starts with replacing wild-eyed conspiracy theories with clear-eyed reality. Leftists tossing Molotov cocktails and burning down police stations are not “mostly peaceful.” Trump supporters do not go looking for gay black people to beat up. Police officers do not wake up in the morning looking for young black men to shoot. Trump is not now or has he ever been a spy for the Russian government. 

The January 6 protesters acted like people who rush the stage at a rock concert. They are not trying to kill the lead singer. They most likely want a free guitar pic as a keepsake. 

The day after the midterms, the Democrats will regret trying to make their entire campaign message about Trump as Orange Hitler. Trump is a private citizen. The voters look forward. They do not want to hear excuses. They want the current administration to fix problems. This involves doing things, not giving endless speeches about a Spring Break party relocated from South Beach to D.C.

The January 6 trespassers were not murderers, arsonists or political terrorists. 

They were doofuses.   

We…can…do…this…2023

Sunday, January 1st, 2023

2023…We…can…do…this

What the heck is that beeping sound?

(Knocks the phone off the hook, keeps banging the snooze alarm)

A voice tells me it’s my pager. My pager is black, so finding it in the dark is the needle in the haystack equivalent. A lucky smack knocks it against the wall, where it may or may not have shattered. The beeping continues. Why does anyone need a pager anymore anyway?

Who the heck is texting me at this ungodly hour of…(either 7 a.m., 1 p.m., or 1 a.m. …it looks blurry)?

Oh, no. It is 5 a.m., and my first radio interview of the New Year is with the morning man of an East Coast station. Time to pretend to sound coherent and go back to sleep. Oh no, wait, that radio interview was several years ago.

Great, happy wishes for the new year. Thanks. Whoever you are, it is too early to talk to you.

One year the person on the telephone insisted it was 1 p.m. After explaining to them that they were on the East Coast, and that 1 p.m. EST is 10 a.m. in Los Angeles, they grew impatient. They knew how to tell time, and that it was 4 p.m. EST, hence 1 p.m. my time.

Sure, getting up and writing my column is an option. It’s a new year, and starting the year off with a flurry of brilliance might be helpful. Forget it. This column is recycled from years ago. It’s also hours late. That is what happens when people get no sleep because of stressful December football games followed by New Year’s Eve revelry.

Election 2024? The first person to talk politics gets blistered in my column … tomorrow.

Bowl games? There is DVR. Besides, does anybody care who wins the Poulan Weed Eater Bowl, the Lack of Insight.com Bowl, the Fishbowl, the RU486 Morning After Bowl, The California Metrosexual Pride Bowl, or any other game that may or may not be made up?

Speaking of the morning after, does anybody remember the David Byrne Talking Heads song from the movie “Less than Zero? (which the temperature feels like right now in some parts of the country. No wonder I live in this insane city of LA)” The song is called “Once In A Lifetime.”

“This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife. What have I done? How did I get here?”

It then occurs to me that the beeping sounds are the voices in my head telling me I am too old, even at 46, to stay out this late. Even without alcohol, exhaustion has set in. 

Get out of bed? Work calls in (whenever) hours. Better rest up before my tyrant of a boss complains. Such is the life of the self-employed.

Get up now? Somehow stagger to the shower, get dressed, make it out of my condo to go … where?

The stores are closed. Maybe they are open. Too tired to find out.

My birthday is in just over a week. Time to pace myself.

Work on my website? All that takes is staggering to my couch. Oh, no. My IT guy has not finished it yet. Oh, wait, he did years ago. I clicked on the wrong site.

Go on Jdate and search for women? Not a bad idea, except it is too tiring to check their Adams Apples. This is not the year for a boyfriend, and am not sure that my eyes can tell the difference right now. Besides, Jdate is so 2014. Now it is Tinder, JSwipe and JCrush. Oh, wait. I’m married. No more Internet dating.

Shop on Ebay? No. bad idea. Buying stuff when not at full capacity is problematic. Who needs another mountain goat? Dang creature gets his horns in my hide. Not a comfy way to wake up. Calm down boy, you’ll get some straw to graze on upon my waking up.

Work on my record album? Although again, world, just because my hair is long, that does not mean my band exists. The best instrument is the triangle, because that tells me lunch is ready. Oh wait, my hair is not even that long anymore. I could work on that, although I didn’t do much. I sat. It grew.

Ahh, yes, lunch. Get up and eat something. My microwave is slow, and a five minute microwave dinner takes almost 15 minutes. Read the paper? It is cold outside my building where the stand is, and it only takes coins. Reading the paper online is tiring, and my printer is not working. At least the lifestyle section makes a great placemat for eating. Oh, wait. That stand does not exist anymore. Reading the paper online it is. 

Staying in bed for only a couple more hours until (whatever the big and little hands say) would allow me to stay up all night and be totally exhausted for work tomorrow. Again, my boss is a tyrant.

Running errands … not gonna happen.

Every morning, a four word prayer starts my day. My elbows are used to try and leverage them against my bed to prop me up. Placing my alarm clock on the other side of the room failed, since ripping the cord out of the wall solved that problem.

As for the Jewish brunette who stole the covers, her voice was not a problem last night, although if she opens her trap today she will receive a more caustic reception than usual.

Oh wait, she already left. Here is a note. “Tried to wake you, but that was a losing battle. By the way, you have nothing but soda in your fridge. Talk to you soon.” oh, wait, I think that happened over a decade ago. My wife stocked the fridge. 

There are also potato chips in my fridge as well. Why they are there remains a mystery, but it saves having to remember which cabinet they are in. One-stop shopping  is the way to go.

Besides, combing my hair for her was enough. Not doing it this morning, proud “retrosexual” that is me.

At least having the decency to say some morning prayers would be appropriate.

“Hey God…those people I pray for every night…yeah those people, the same ones…look after them again.”

Back to sleep, despite every attempt to wake up. The home phone is turned off, the cell is off as well, and the pager is still shattered, in addition to being disconnected years ago.

There may have been a car crash outside my building followed by 911 calls and sirens, but telling everybody to “keep it down,” solved that problem. A brief nightmare of me being late for work was averted when I realized my location to me was known if necessary.

Four televisions in the living room, and none in the bedroom. Who thought that up? Oh yeah, a television in the bedroom would promote laziness. Besides, trying to figure out which remote to use would cause me to break them all as if they were my pager.

Ok, here it is. Come on, elbows, do your stuff. Rise, young lad, rise! Awaken thy exhausted tired eyes!

Why is God shouting? Oh wait, that is my over-dramatization of God.

Time to set the alarm now to avoid missing work tomorrow. Where was it thrown? Threw it? Oh, screw it.

Ok, time for my four word prayer. It has gotten me this incredibly terribly far. Time to contemplate getting out of bed.

“We…can…do…this.”

Happy 2023 all. Except for the person who woke me up earlier. Whoever you are, I still can’t stand you, even though you are doing me a favor.

Ten hours and 16 bowl games later, there is only one thing left to do.

Time for a nap. Happy 2023.

Zzzzz.

eric