THE TYGRRRR EXPRESS

Tonight I was supposed to be on a redeye to London, England.

The purpose of the trip was two-fold. I was to spend Rosh Hashanah with the Jewish community of London. There is nothing like starting the year off getting to know Jewish brunettes with hot, sexy British accents. Also, the Oakland Raiders were playing a game in Wembley Stadium.

My reasons for canceling the trip had nothing to do with radical Islam. When Islamists keep us from flying, they win. The Scottish referendum also played no role. Neither did Pippa Middleton’s refusal to go out with me, since I have yet to officially ask her out.

Bottom line, the Raiders are having a tough year. Today is coach Dennis Allen’s birthday, so I will hold off any comments about him and the team until tomorrow.

The main reason for the cancellation is that the 2014 midterm elections are one month away. While I have not had a vacation in 6 years, right now all GOP and conservative hands need to be on deck. The stakes are too high for me to leave the United States.

Europe does not interest me in the slightest, but at some point I will go before it becomes part of the Islamic Caliphate.

So for those of you in the Los Angeles Jewish community who are near and dear to me, I am home for the holidays and would love to see you all.

Next time, London.

eric

2014 Labor Day Report

Do pregnant women really deserve their own holiday? Or is it a holiday for the men who have to listen to them?

As Bill Cosby said, “No drugs may enter the female’s body during the delivery. The father can have all he wants.”

Maybe we should pay for Sandra Fluke’s birth control. Instagram pictures of her delivering a child are something I never want to see.

As NFL Hall of Fame Coach Bill Parcells said, “Don’t tell me about the pain, just deliver the d@mn baby!”

NFL Football Season 2014 starts this Thursday.

The USA economy still sucks and the numbers are still being cooked to create the illusion of non-disaster. Union leaders are still parasites who exploit their workers more than any corporation ever could.

This concludes the 2014 Labor Day Report.

eric

After 12 days of monitoring Miami Beach to make sure the GOP 2016 presidential candidates were not there, it seems some of them are in Las Vegas. While they may be at the Republican Jewish Coalition forum meeting with Sheldon Adelson, they could be partying in the clubs.

I cannot search every club in America, although for my country I will try.

Yet after 12 days of Spring Break and a 6 hour flight from Miami to Los Angeles, exhaustion has set in.

Football will return on Sunday.

Politics will return on Monday.

Earthquakes will affect California whenever they feel like it.

my entire report on South Beach will be out after the most valuable pieces of information are redacted to protect the guilty.

Now to get some rest and recharge the batteries.

This concludes South Beach Recovery Saturday.

eric