NFL 2016-2017 Divisionals Recap

January 14th, 2017

NFL 2016-2017 Divisionals Recap

Seattle Seahawks at Atlanta Falcons was the Saturday afternoon game. The Seahawks began with a 14 play, 89 yard drive that consumed 8 1/2 minutes. Russell Wilson threw a 7 yard touchdown pass to Jimmy Graham to make it 7-0 Seahawks. The Falcons responded by going 75 yards in 13 plays and over 7 minutes. The second quarter began with Matt Ryan throwing a 7 yard touchdown pass to Julio Jones for a 7-7 game. Then came Devon Hester, who returned the ensuing kickoff 50 yards to the Seattle 45. Two plays later Wilson went deep to Paul Richardson for a 52 yard touchdown. Yet the officials ruled that Richardson stepped out of bounds at the Atlanta 19. So instead of a 14-7 lead, the Seahawks ended up settling for a 33 yard Steve Hauschka field goal to lead 10-7. Atlanta punted and Hester returned it 80 yards to the Atlanta 7 yard line. However, a penalty on the return instead had the Seahawks starting at their own 7 yard line. This is where momentum changed.

The Seahawks quickly faced 2nd and 13 at their own 4 yard line. Wilson took the snap and accidentally tripped over his own offensive lineman. Momentum carried him backward into his own end zone where an Atlanta defender fell on him for a gift safety. The Falcons were now within 10-9 and took over after the free kick at their own 43. Ryan then hit Gabriel for a 37 yard gain to the Seattle 20. After the the defense held. Matt Bryant hit the 35 yard field goal to make it 12-10 Falcons. The Falcons got the ball back at their own one yard line with 3:48 left in the half. Ryan came out throwing, as gains to Jones for 8 and Coleman for 5 was followed by a 22 yard completion to Mohammed Sanu. Ryan went to Gabriel for 18 and Sanu for 12. Ryan found Jones, who caught the ball and got up without being touched for a 20 yard gain. Ryan hit a wide open Coleman for a 14 yard touchdown. The 99 yard drive did not feature a single running play as the Falcons led 19-10 with one minute left in the half.

In the third quarter after a touchback the Falcons offense kept firing on all cylinders. 75 yards in 13 plays and 6 minutes Saw Matty Ice remain icy cool. On 3rd and 8 from the Atlanta 27, Ryan hit Jones for 12 yards. On 3rd and 10 from the Atlanta 39, Ryan hit Gabriel for 12 yards. Freeman got in from one yard out to make it 26-10 Falcons. The Seahawks responded by going 80 yards and 14 plays in 6 minutes. Yet on 2nd and 6 from the Atlanta 8, Wilson threw incomplete twice. Hauschka hit a 26 yard field goal to get the Seahawks within 26-13. The Falcons soon faced 3rd and 4 at their own 31. A short pass from Ryan to Devonta Freeman went for 53 yards. On the first play of the fourth quarter Bryant hit from 31 to make it 29-13 Falcons. With 8 1/2 minutes left on 3rd and 16 from the Atlanta 36, Wilson under heavy pressure threw a duck that was intercepted. Ryan threw a 3 yard touchdown to Sanu to make it a 36-13 blowout with 3 1/2 minutes left.

Hester took the ensuing kickoff 9 yards deep in the end zone and returned it 78 yards to the Atlanta 31. One play later Wilson went deep to Baldwin for the touchdown. The Seahawks were back within 16 but the onside kick failed. Seattle got it back at their own 20 with 2:50 left and Wilson went deep to Richardson for a 58 yard gain. Yet Dan Quinn challenged the catch and on further review the calls was changed to an incomplete pass. Wilson then threw a completion to non-relative Willson, but Willson had the ball ripped out of his hands. It bounced off several players before finally being intercepted as Pete Carroll helplessly watched. Ryan finished 26 of 37 for 338 yards, 3 touchdowns, and 0 interceptions to send the Falcons to the NFC Title Game. Even better for Atlanta, Dallas lost the next day, which allows the Falcons to play the NFC Title Game at home. 36-20 Falcons

Houston Texans at New England Patriots was the Saturday night game. Five minutes into the game, the Patriots took over at their own 35. Tom Brady went deep incomplete, but defensive pass interference meant a 30 yard gain. Brady then went deep to Chris Hogan for a 22 yard gain and to Dion Lewis for a 13 yard touchdown to make it 7-0 Patriots. Houston soon faced 3rd and 18 at their own 15. A completion from Brock Osweiler to Deandre Hopkins only gained 10 yards, but an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty on the Patriots after the play kept the drive going. The Texans held the ball for 14 plays and over 8 minutes to go 62 yards. Yet the Texans settled for a 33 yard Nick Novak field goal to get within 7-3. 15 seconds later the Patriots scored again as Lewis returned the ensuing kickoff 98 yards for a score. With the Patriots up 14-3, this game appeared over after the first quarter.

The second quarter began with the Patriots taking over at their own 20. Brady was quickly intercepted, setting up the Texans at the New England 27. Yet offensive holding doomed the Texans, who settled for a 27 yard Novak field goal to get within 14-6. The Patriots then fumbled the ensuing kickoff, setting up the Texans at the New England 12. Osweiler hit CJ Fiedorowicz for a 10 yard touchdown. The Texans were right back in it down 14-13. They came in 16 point underdogs, and were looking to pull off the greatest upset in NFL Divisional Round history.

The Patriots faced 3rd and 10 from their own 18 and Brady went deep to Hogan for a 45 yard gain. Yet on 3rd and 6 from the Houston 33, Brady was sacked to push the Patriots out of field goal range. With 3 minutes left in the half the Patriots faced 3rd and 9 at their own 34. Brady went deep to Julian Edelman for a 48 yard gain. With 43 seconds left in the half, on 2nd and goal at the one, Brady found Develin in the flat. Yet two defenders from the number one defense closed in and made a touchdown saving tackle. On 3rd and goal, LaGuerrette Blount got the carry and got stopped stone cold. With 10 seconds left, on 4th and goal at the one, Bill Belichik opted for the field goal. Stephen Gostkowski hit from 19 as the Patriots only led 17-13 at halftime.

In the third quarter after an exchange of punts, the Patriots were pinned at their own 10 yard line. Brady quickly went to Edelman for gains of 26 and 14 to midfield. On 3rd and 3 from the Houston 19, Brady went to White for the touchdown to make it 24-13 Patriots. Midway through the third quarter with the texans facing 3rd and 4 at their own 46, Osweiler was intercepted. With the Patriots facing 3rd and 10 at their own 44, Brady found Edelman for a 26 yard gain. Yet offensive pass interference killed that drive. Great punt coverage pinned the Texans at their own two yard line.

With the Texans facing 2nd and 8 at the New England 45, Osweiler was sacked and fumbled. Patrick Chung returned it for a touchdown. Yet on further review the play was reversed to an incomplete pass. On 3rd and 8 Osweiler went deep to Fuller in the end zone, and Fuller dropped it. After each team thought it had a touchdown, the Texans just punted. From the New England 23, Brady was intercepted again to set the Texans up at the Patriots 34. The fourth quarter began with Novak hitting from 46 to get the Texans within 24-16. A couple minutes later with the Patriots facing 3rd and 7 at the Houston 45, a pass to Edelman that would have been a first down was dropped.

Houston took over at their own 11 and disaster quickly struck. Osweiler threw a ball high that was deflected and intercepted. Ryan returned it 23 yards to the Houston 6. This time from the one, Lewis broke the plane of the goal to make it 31-16 Patriots. The Patriots got it back and moved from their 33 to the Houston 24. The drive stalled but Gostkowski hit from 43 to put the game on ice. Osweiler then threw his third interception. Brady did not have his best game either, going 18 for 38 for 287 yards, 2 touchdowns and 2 interceptions. Yet the Patriots established another NFL record. For the sixth straight season they will be in the AFC Title Game, and this year they will be at home. 34-16 Patriots

Green Bay Packers at Dallas Cowboys was the Sunday afternoon game. Indoors, this game had the potential to be a track meet. Early on after a touchback the Cowboys moved to a 3rd and 2 at the Green Bay 32. Dak Prescott threw incomplete as the Cowboys settled for a 50 yard Dan bailey field goal to lead 3-0. The packers faced 3rd and 5 at their own 30. Aaron Rodgers threw incomplete but the defense had 12 men on the field. Ty Montgomery gained 15 to midfield and Rodgers went to Randall Cobb for 16 more. From the Dallas 34, the Cowboys jumped offsides. Rodgers, knowing he had a free play, went deep to non-relative Richard Rodgers for the touchdown and the 7-3 Packers lead. In the second quarter Rodgers carved up the Dallas defense like a surgeon. A pair of 5 1/2 minute drives went 90 and 80 yards. Montgomery got in for touchdowns of 3 and 1 yards to have the Packers cruising 21-3.

After a touchback the Cowboys tried to make a game of it. Prescott went deep to Dez Bryant for a 40 yard touchdown to get the Cowboys within 21-10. Dallas got it back and did enough for Bailey to hit a 33 yard field goal as the Cowboys only trailed 21-13 at halftime. In the third quarter Rodgers led another 75 yard drive. A 3 yard touchdown pass to Jared Cook had the Packers up 28-13 after three quarters. Yet by the time this game was over, fans everywhere could say they watched a thriller. Late in the third quarter the Packers moved from their 39 to a 3rd and 8 at the Dallas 38. Looking to deliver the knockout blow, Rodgers was intercepted by Heath, who returned the interception 27 yards to the Dallas 41.

Dallas soon faced 2nd and 21 at their own 30. Prescott hit Bryant for 19 and on 3rd and 2 hit him again for 10 more yards as the Cowboys began the fourth quarter with 1st and 10 at the Green Bay 41 On 3rd and 14 from the Packers 21, Prescott hit Jason Witten for 15 and then hit Witten again for the 6 yard touchdown. With 11 1/2 minutes left in regulation the Cowboys were within 28-20. The Cowboys held on defense and got the ball back at their own 20. with 9 minutes left. With 5 minutes left the Cowboys faced 3rd and 8 at the Packers 27. Prescott threw incomplete, but defensive pass interference meant 1st and 10 at the 15. On 3rd and 2 from the 7, Prescott hit Bryant for the touchdown. With 4 minutes left, Jason Garrett went for 2 and Prescott ran it in himself. After 56 minutes of football, the game was tied 28-28. The remaining 4 minutes were as exciting as any in football history, as each team had all 3 timeouts.

After a touchback Rodgers hit Devonta Adams for 16 yards. At the 2 minute warning the Packers had 1st and 10 at the Dallas 45. Rodgers went deep and was intercepted by Heath again. however, defensive pass interference gave the Packers 10 more yards. With 1:38 to play and the Packers facing 4th and 13 at the Dallas 38, Mike McCarthy had a big decision to make. A missed field goal would give Dallas excellent field position. Mason Crosby came in for a 56 yard try. The kick was good and the Packers led 31-28. After a touchback, the Cowboys still had 2 timeouts.

Prescott is a rookie, but nobody told him. He went deep to Terrence williams for 25 yards and to Witten for 10 more. Prescott spiked the ball with 48 seconds left. The Cowboys were already at the Green Bay 40 and could now go for the win. On 3rd and 3 from Green Bay 33, Prescott’s pass was batted down at the line of scrimmage incomplete. Now it was Bailey coming in for a 52 yard field goal try for the tie. Bailey was good, and now the game was tied 31-31. After a touchback, the Packers had only 35 seconds to work with and 2 timeouts.

Rodgers hit Montgomery for 17 yards but was then sacked for a 10 yard loss. With 12 seconds left the Packers faced 3rd and 20 at their own 32. Since the Cowboys still had one timeout left, the Packers could not take a knee and go to overtime. McCarthy went for it all and trusted his quarterback. One week after Rodgers completed a Hail Mary, he worked another miracle. Rodgers went deep to Cook for a 36 yard gain to Dallas 32. One official ruled incomplete and another official overruled and called it a catch. After a booth review, the catch was confirmed. Cook got both feet down inbounds. With 3 seconds left, Mason Crosby came in for a 51 yard try for the win.

Crosby again was good, sneaking it just inside the upright. 3 field goals in the final 2 minutes sent the Packers to the NFC Title Game at Atlanta. For those who want to beat up Jason Garrett or call this a Cowboys choke job, knock it off. For those who think it is better to play an extra playoff game than have a bye week to get healthy, again knock it off. What won this game for the Packers was experience. The 2007 Cowboys were also 13-3 and went one and done for the same reason. Prescott and Elliott had never played in a playoff game, and Rodgers is a first ballot Hall of Famer. Prescott was fine, going 24 for 38 for 302 yards and 3 touchdowns. Elliott ran for 125 yards on 22 carries, more than 5 yards per carry. Bryant had 9 receptions for 132 yards. There was nothing more the offense could have done. Rodgers torched the Dallas defense for 356 yards and 2 touchdowns, completing 28 of 43 passes to lead the Packers to their 8th straight win. Both quarterback was intercepted once. Two years after an epic NFC Title Game meltdown, the Packers get a shot at redemption. Again, they will be indoors. 34-31 Packers

Pittsburgh Steelers at Kansas City Chiefs was the Sunday night game. An ice storm caused this game to be moved from early Sunday to the Sunday night game. With freezing weather, the Steelers were expected to run the ball with LeVeon Bell. This is Mike Tomlin smashmouth Steelers football. Instead, Ben Roethlisberger came out throwing the ball five straight times. Yet on 2nd and 2 from the Chiefs 5, the Steelers were still throwing. After an incompletion, Roethlisberger’s 3rd down pass in the flat was stopped short. On 4th and 1 at the 4, Tomlin opted for the field goal. Boswell hit from 22 to make it 3-0 Steelers, but this would be a problem throughout the first half.

The Chiefs took the short kickoff 25 yards to their own 45. Alex Smith dinked and dunked the Steelers to death, as a 5 yard touchdown pass to Wilson made it 7-3 Chiefs. After that the Pittsburgh defense clamped down. The Steelers soon faced 3rd and 10 at their own 25, Roethlisberger avoided a sack and went deep to Antonio Brown for a 52 yard gain. Rather than run the ball, Big Ben kept throwing as a pair of incompletions meant another field goal try. Boswell hit from 38 to get the Steelers within 7-6. In the second quarter the Steelers moved from their 29 to a 1st and 10 at the Chiefs 17. Again on 1st down the Steelers threw the ball rather than run it. A pair of incompletions meant another field goal try. Boswell hit from 36 to make it 9-7 Steelers.

Midway through the second quarter, an interception of Smith set up Pittsburgh at the Chiefs 44. From the Chiefs 31, a completion to James meant 1st and goal at the 5. Again, the Steelers threw on first down rather than run it. Roethlisberger’s pass was deflected up into the air and intercepted in the end zone for a touchback. A short Chiefs punt gave the Steelers the ball back at their own 45. On 3rd and 9, Bell ran for 17 yards. Bell ran forward, but the passing game was not going well. A sack of Big Ben killed another drive. With one minute left in the half Boswell hit his fourth field goal from 45 yards to make it 12-7 Steelers. The Chiefs then fumbled the ball and the Steelers recovered at the Chiefs 40. Yet only 3 seconds remained. A 58 yard field goal try was too much to ask, so a Hail Mary seemed in the cards. Instead Roethlisberger lobbed a short pass to Brown that gained 29 yards but nothing else.

Despite being give not nearly enough carries, Bell had 101 yards rushing by halftime. In the third quarter the Steelers really started feeding him. From the Pittsburgh 26, Bell broke free for a 38 yard gain. He then ran for 6 and 5 yards. With the running game unstoppable, on 1st and 10 from the Chiefs 25, the Passing game again stalled the drive. Boswell hit his fifth field goal from 43 yards out to make it 15-7 Steelers. The Chiefs had no offense, but a great punt pinned the Steelers at their own 2. On 3rd and 1 from the 11, Bell got stopped. The Chiefs got it back after a short punt at the Pittsburgh 46. On 3rd and 4 from the Pittsburgh 30, Smith threw incomplete. Cairo Santos hit a 48 yard field goal as the Chiefs only trailed 15-10 after three quarters.

In the fourth quarter the Steelers moved from their own 30 to a 2nd and 8 at the Kansas City 19. Again, rather than run the ball and bleed the clock, the Steelers kept throwing. Big Ben fired a ball to the end zone that was high but catchable. It was incomplete. On 3rd and 8 Roethlisberger was sacked. Boswell hit his 6th field goal from 43 to make it 18-10 Steelers with 10 minutes left in regulation.

After a touchback, Smith found Travis Kelce for 24 yards just shy of midfield. An offensive face mask had the Chiefs facing 2nd and 25 at their own 45. Smith found Kelce for 17 yards and then threw incomplete. Midway through the fourth quarter, Andy Reid decided to go for it on 4th and 8 from the Pittsburgh 38. Smith hit Conley for a 12 yard gain. On 3rd and 9 from the 25, Smith went deep to Conley at the goal line and Conley got blasted as the ball fell incomplete. A personal foul for a helmet to helmet hit meant 1st and 10 at the 12. On 3rd and 2 from the 4, Smith threw incomplete. With 3 1/2 minutes left, Andy Reid again went for it. On 4th and 2 from the 4, Smith rolled out and fired a completion to Sherman for 3 yards. On 1st and goal at the one, Ware got in to get the Chiefs within 2 points. Smith fired to Harris for the tying 2 point conversion, but offensive holding on Eric Fisher. From the 12 yard line, Smith fired incomplete.

With 2:42 to play and 2 timeouts, Walrus Lite Andy Reid decided to kick it away rather than go onside kick. A perfectly placed kick pinned the Steelers at their own 5 yard line. On 2nd and 8, rather than keep running, another dangerous pass gained 5 yards. At the 2 minute warning, the Steelers faced 3rd and 3 at their own 19. A run would take 40 seconds off the clock. The Steelers risked it all and went with a pass play. Big Ben rolled to his right and fired to Antonio Brown for a 7 yard gain. Three kneel downs later and the Steelers had the win. They travel to New England for the AFC Title Game. They have a battering ram in Bell, who ran for 170 yards on 30 carries. 18-16 Steelers

The Conference Championships are set. Both games will be played on Sunday, January 22 (Times Eastern).

NFC Title Game, 3:00 pm, FOX: 4.) Green Bay Packers at 2.) Atlanta Falcons (-4)

AFC Title Game, 6:30 pm, CBS: 3.) Pittsburgh Steelers at 1.) New England Patriots (-5.5)


Tygrrrr Express January 2017 Southern California Speaking Schedule

January 13th, 2017

Tygrrrr Express January 2017 Southern California Speaking Schedule

I am on the road 300 days per year, so it is nice to have a bunch of speaking events in Southern California. Most of these events are in Los Angeles.

Sunday, January 15, 2017 — Torrance-Lomita Republican Assembly in Los Angeles at 3pm.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017 — Malibu-Bel Air Republican Women in Los Angeles. Lunch. Brentwood.

Thursday, January 19, 2017 — Pasadena Republican Club in Los Angeles. 7pm.

Saturday, January 21, 2017 — Rossmoor Los Alamitos Republican Women in Orange County at 9:30am. 

Comedian Eric Golub to entertain at Republican Women’s Jan. 21 meeting


Wednesday, January 25, 2017 — Chaffey Republican Women near San Bernardino.  

Join us for our monthly meeting by making a reservations to $26 dinner reservation #Chaffey #dinner #magiclamp #republican #january #ericgolub #speaker #meeting

Posted by Chaffey Rwf on Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Thursday, January 26, 2017 — Pat Nixon Republican Women in Orange County. Evening.

Sunday, January 29, 2017 — Republican Teachers Association in Los Angeles. 11:30am. Davina Keiser.

Thursday, February 2, 2017 — Whittier Republican Women in Los Angeles. 5:30pm.


Top 10 weakest top seeds in NFL history

January 13th, 2017

Top 10 weakest top seeds in NFL history

NFL History: The ten softest top seeds in football history

Top 10 NFL Divisional Playoff Upsets

January 13th, 2017

Top 10 NFL Divisional Playoff Upsets

Top ten greatest NFL Divisional playoff shockers

NFL 2016-2017 Divisionals Prequel

January 13th, 2017

NFL 2016-2017 Divisionals Prequel

NFL 2016-2017 Divisional Preview and Bettor’s Guide


Football matters. Hollywood celebrities do not

January 10th, 2017

Football matters. Hollywood celebrities do not

What Meryl Streep could learn from football and football fans

My birthday: 45 Happy Memories Upon Turning 45

January 9th, 2017

My birthday: 45 Happy Memories upon turning 45

I Entered this world 45 years ago today on January 9, 1972. On my 45th birthday, here are 45 happy memories.

1.) Every moment I ever spent with my grandparents. They are gone now, but I had all four of them when I graduated college and three of them when I turned 30. I am blessed.

2.) January 9, 1977 — The Oakland Raiders won the Super Bowl on my fifth birthday. I saw the logo and became a Raider for life.

3.) August 15, 1980 — Smokey and the Bandit II came out. I saw the original and the sequel and became a lifelong fan of the Bandit and the Snowman.

4.) January 22, 1984 — The Raiders won their third Super Bowl. I still remember telling the kids at school the next day one simple message. “Just win baby!”

5.) January 21, 1985 — I had my Bar Mitzvah, the Jewish passage into manhood. My Orthodox Rabbi grandfather led the ceremony.

6.) July 13, 1990 — I watched Bill Murray in quick change for the first of over 100 times. This movie is true New York, and Murray remains a national hero.

7.) August 26, 1990 — I flew from New York to Los Angeles for college. I immediately fell in love with this city and never left.

8.) September 26, 1990 — I joined the campus radio station and developed my lifelong love of radio.

9.) May 10, 1992 — I wrote my first song. 70 more would follow.

10.) January 9, 1993 — The Raiders won a playoff game over arch rival Denver on my 21st birthday. We all had a big party to celebrate afterward at 1950s Cafe Ed Debevic’s.

11.) June 14, 1994 — The New York Rangers won the NHL Stanley Cup and ended the 54 year curse.

12.) September 13, 1994 — I passed the Series 7 stockbroker’s exam. At that moment I was now a professional.

13.) June 1, 1997 — I saw my friend doing something on a computer that seemed different. He was in a chat room. It was my first time using the Internet.

14.) July 4, 1999 — My friends and I crashed an Independence Day party on the beach and escaping moments before police busted up the party.

15.) September 23, 1999 — I finally got my driver’s license. I never needed one before.

16.) December 31, 1999 — Ringing in the Millennium in Las Vegas.

17.) March 1, 2000 — I flew from Los Angeles to New Orleans for Mardi Gras 2000. I still have my Calvin and Hobbes t-shirt, “Life is short. Party naked. Mardi Gras 2000.”

18.) February 13, 2003 — I watched the movie “Old School.” I will forever thank Vince Vaughn, Will Ferrell and “The Godfather” Luke Wilson for inspiring me at age 31 to finally start going to Florida for Spring Break. Years of South Beach, Miami revelry ensued at the Clevelander and Ocean’s 10. 

19.) March 14, 2003 — I flew to Singapore and Thailand and got to experience five days of beauty in each country. I met the Jewish communities of both nations.

20.) November 4, 2003 — NFL Network was born. Finally, a television channel worth watching existed. 

21.) November 2, 2004 — Enjoying the 2004 election with my closest friends.

22.) February 12, 2006 — I flew from Los Angeles to Hawaii. I met the Jewish community of Honolulu and attended my first NFL Pro Bowl. I met ESPN’s Chris Berman.

23.) April 28, 2006 — I flew from Los Angeles to New York and went to Radio City Music Hall. For the first time, I got to attend the NFL Draft and meet a bunch of great football heroes. 

24.) August 4, 2006 — I flew from Los Angeles to Ohio and drove to Canton. I visited the Pro Football Hall of Fame, saw the induction ceremony featuring John Madden, and attended the Pro Football Hall of Fame Game.

25.) March 11, 2007 — I Started a blog called the Tygrrrr Express. That column somehow turned into five books and a national speaking career.

26.) September 11, 2007 — On the sixth anniversary of the attacks, I flew from Los Angeles to New York and then drove to Great Adventure in New Jersey. I attended Sean Hannity’s Feedom Concert and saw New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani light up the crowd.

27.) October 17, 2007 — I joined Facebook. between that and Twitter, I have met many good people, increased book sales, and built my business.

28.) March 30, 2008 — My friend adopted a child from Guatemala. On this day “the boy” turned one. Being “Unca Eric” is the best job in the world.

29.) February 2, 2008 — I flew from Los Angeles to Phoenix and attended my first Super Bowl. The New York Giants shocked the previously unbeaten New England Patriots.

30.)August 6, 2008 — I flew from Los Angeles to Israel and spent a week in the Holy Land.

31.) May 13, 2008 — I flew from Los Angeles to Washington, DC. I attended the Republican Jewish Coalition Leadership Conference and met Dr. Charles Krauthammer.

32.) August 30, 2008 — I flew from Los Angeles to Minneapolis for my first Republican Convention. For a week, friends and I slept in a sports bar. It was like being Norm Peterson from “Cheers.”

33.) April 5, 2009 — My first book “Ideological Bigotry” was published.

34.) September 1, 2009 — I left Wall Street after 15 years and began my career as a full-time professional speaker.

35.) November 11, 2009 — I flew from Los Angeles to Galveston and spoke at the Texas Federation of Republican Women Convention. I made TFRW and other lifelong friends in the Lone Star State.

36.) March 11, 2010 — Flew from Los Angeles to Oklahoma City to speak at the National Federation of Republican Women Spring Conference. That launched me nationally since the NFRW run the world.

37.) May 1, 2011 — In Aiken, South Carolina, I saw the news that Osama bin Laden was killed. That night I told my very best political joke. “Osama bin Laden is now burning underground with 72 Helen Thomases.” It was the bookend to my very first political joke. “Never rely on a Palestinian GPS tracker. I took one wrong turn, ended up at a cemetery, and a sinister voice said, ‘You have reached your final destination!’ I got so angry I threw the thing out the window, which was good because 5 seconds later it exploded.”

38.) February 9, 2013 — I met Vice President Dick Cheney and spoke in front of him at a dinner.

39.) September 25, 2013 — I spoke to a Tea Party group in Hays, Kansas. At that moment, I had officially spoken in all 50 states.

40.) November 4, 2014 — I spoke at an election night party in New Jersey.

41.) March 20, 2015 — After writing four political comedy books, I finished my first religious comedy book “Jewish Lunacy.” This allowed me to move beyond political speaking into religious speaking.

42.) May 12, 2015 — I met President George W. Bush and shook his hand.

43.) November 8, 2016 — Enjoyed a raucous election night party in Raleigh, North Carolina.

44.) December 31, 2016 — New Year’s Eve with the friends who matter most to me.

45.) Any woman whoever let me play with her yummy bouncies or at least was nice enough to send me pictures of them.

I would like to thank my parents for raising me right and Angela Lansbury’s JB Fletcher of “Murder, She Wrote” for catching murderers and making the world safer.

Anything I could possibly wish for has already been granted.

eric @ Tygrrrr Express

NFL 2016-2017 Wildcard Recap

January 7th, 2017

NFL 2016-2017 Wildcard Recap

Oakland Raiders at Houston Texans was the Saturday afternoon game. The Raiders were without Derek Carr, backup Matt McGloin, and left tackle Donald Penn. Connor Cook was making his first ever NFL start for a Raiders squad that is in its first playoff game in 14 years. The Texans had Brock Osweiler starting for the injured Tom Savage. The Texans also had the number one defense even without JJ Watt. Early on the Texans moved form their 25 to a 4th and 5 at the Oakland 37. Bill O’Brien opted against going for it or trying a 55 yard field goal despite the game being played indoors. Former Raiders punter Shane Lechler pinned the Raiders. Connor Cook’s first play as a starter came with the Raiders back at their own 7 yard line in front of a hostile crowd. The Raiders went nowhere and Marquette King’s first punt went only 31 yards to have the Texans starting at the Oakland 40. The Raiders held again on defense but Nick Novak hit a 50 yard field goal to make it 3-0 Texans.

The Raiders soon faced 3rd and 12 at their own 22. Cook tried to test Jadavean Clowney and paid for it. A short pass was deflected by Clowney, deflected by him again, and finally intercepted by Clowney to have the Texans taking over at the Oakland 4 yard line. Lamar Miller ran around the end for the touchdown to make it 10-0 Texans. After a touchback, Del Rio was determined to get Cook going rather than run the ball. Cook found Michael Crabtree for a 19 yard gain. After a sack set up 3rd and 16, Cook fired to Crabtree past the first down marker. Officials ruled the play an incompletion but Jack Del rio challenged the call. Replay showed Crabtree had his hands under the ball. Officials rejected the challenge and the Raiders punted again.

The Raiders held on defense. Jalen Richard got belted on the punt return, yet somehow bounced off the hit without going dow and got to the sideline and raced for a 37 yard gain. The Raiders were starting at the Houston 38. Latavius Murray raced for an 18 yard gain and then gained 6 more yards. Cook hit Clive Walford for 7 more yards to set up 1st and goal at the 7. Murray banged up the middle for 5 more yards down to the 2. Murray then went off right tackle and got in the end zone. The Raiders were only down 10-7.

The Texans took over at their own 18 yard line. Osweiler fumbled the snap but Houston retained possession. The first quarter ended with the Texans facing 3rd and 12 from their own 16. A West Coast Offense dink and dunk pass lost 4 yards as the defense was keeping the Raiders in the game. The Raiders took over with great field position at their own 43 yard line. Rather than run, Cook went play action pass and fired to Crabtree for a 14 yard gain. A 2nd and 9 pass to Crabtree was perfectly thrown and dropped to kill the drive. The Texans were pinned at their own 5 yard line.

Osweiler immediately fired to CJ Fiedorowicz for an 18 yard gain. On 2nd and 4 miller appeared stop cold but did exactly what Richard did earlier, bouncing to the outside for a 19 yard gain. Another 17 yard completion to Fiedorowicz had the Texans at the Oakland 35. Osweiler found Hopkins for 13 to the Oakland 24. On 3rd and 6 from the 20, Osweiler fired incomplete as the Raiders finally held. Novak barely snuck his 38 yard field goal try inside the right upright as the Texans led 13-7.

The defenses dug in and after some punts, the Texans took over at their own 40 with 2 1/2 minutes left in the half. Osweiler hit Fuller for 19 yards at the 2 minute warning. Osweiler went deep to Hopkins for a 38 yard gain to the Oakland 3. Osweiler then threw a 2 yard touchdown pass to Hopkins for a 20-7 Texans lead with 1:20 left in the half. Adding to the Raiders woes, they would have to play the second half without center Rodney Hudson, injured late in the half.

Neither team could move the ball in the third quarter as Bill O’Brien played it ultra conservative with the lead. After three quarters, the Raiders still did not have a third down conversion as offensive pass interference nullified a catch by Crabtree that would have moved the chains. Running into the kicker nullified a Houston punt return for a touchdown, although it should have been roughing the kicker. The Texans began the fourth quarter at the Oakland 41 with a chance to deliver the knockout blow. From the 18, Osweiler went deep and another horrendous penalty call for defensive pass interference put the ball on the one. Osweiler scrambled for the touchdown. With 12 1/2 minutes left, the Raiders were down 27-7.

The Raiders soon faced 3rd and 10 at their own 25. Cook fired to Mychal Rivera for exactly just enough. It was the first third down conversion of the game for the Raiders. On 3rd and 7 from their own 38, Cook went to Andre Holmes for a 20 yard gain. On 1st and 10 from the Houston 27, Cook went to Rivera for 19 yards and. Yet offensive pass interference on Rivera, another dreadful call, meant 1st and 20 instead of 1st and goal at the 8. After several miserable calls against the Raiders, they finally got one in their favor. On 3rd and 16 from the Houston 33 and Cook running for his life, a prayer bomb meant defensive pass interference and 1st and goal at the 8. Cook fired to Holmes for the touchdown. Although the Raiders were within 27-14, only 8 minutes remained in regulation.

Houston went 3 and out and Lechler boomed a 55 yard punt to punned the Raiders at their own 19 with 6 1/2 minutes left. All the Raiders had to do was take their rookie quarterback in his first game and lead two more touchdown drives against the NFL’s top defense. There are no excuses in football. 3 completions had Cook in a rhythm and the Raiders at midfield. Yet after a pair of incompletions set up 3rd and 10, Cook fired high over the middle and was intercepted. Moore returned the interception 20 yards to the Oakland 46 With 4 1/2 minutes left.

With 3:50 to play the Raiders took their first timeout with the Texans facing 3rd and 9 at their own 47. Bill O’Brien played it super safe, yet terrible tackling allowed Grimes to gain 10 yards straight up the middle for a killer first down. On 3rd and 8 from the Oakland 41 the raiders too their final timeout. Again O’Brien called a safe run and Grimes nearly got another first down. He was stopped two yard short. Rather than try a 53 yard field goal or go for it, O’Brien took no chances. Houston did not even call a timeout, instead taking a delay of game penalty with 2:12 left. Richard called for a fair catch at his own 7 yard line. The Raiders were 93 yards away with 2:06 left and no timeouts.

Cook and the Raiders went down fighting, but they went down. On 4th and 5 from their own 12, Cook found Rivera for 6 and then 11 more. On 1st and 10 from their 29 with one minute left, Cook threw 3 incompletions and on 4th and 10 with 23 seconds left was intercepted. Cook was dreadful, going 18 for 45 for 161 yards, one touchdown, and three interceptions. Yet what does any reasonable leathered expect from a guy starting his very first game on the road against the league’s top defense and without two of his own offensive lineman? Throw in several well thrown dropped passes and Cook had no chance. Osweiler was not much better. He was a pedestrian 14 of 25 for 168 yards and one touchdown. Yet he also ran for a score and more importantly was not intercepted.

The Raiders after 14 non-winning seasons went 12-4. Yet Derek Carr is their physical and emotional leader. Without him they are a shell of themselves. The Texans move on and travel to play New England. As for Oakland, despite the loss, this team has a bright future. The Raiders were injury-riddled, but football is not politics. There are no excuses in football. You line up with the guys you have.

The Raiders fought hard and just could not overcome the injuries. This team has a bright future ahead of it. They lost today, but they are no longer losers. Khalil Mack and the defense hung tough despite getting no help from a depleted offense.

Derek Carr should still be the league MVP. He is a superstar. Jack Del Rio should be considered for coach of the year. Reggie McKenzie should be considered for executive of the year. Let’s also give credit to owner Mark Davis, who stayed patient and allowed McKenzie to follow through on his rebuilding plan. The offseason will be long and painful. For 31 teams and their fans, it is always is. I am proud to be a part of the Raider Nation. September of 2017 will be here before we know it. 27-14 Texans

Detroit Lions at Seattle Seahawks was the Saturday night game. On paper the 9-7 Lions appeared overmatched, stumbling into the playoffs losers of three straight. However, the 10-5-1 Seahawks barely survived 2-14 San Francisco in the finale. Detroit brought the offense while Seattle brought the defense. Yet the first half of this game was a defensive slugfest that was scoreless after the first quarter. On the first play of the second quarter, Jim Caldwell decided to go for it on 4th and 1 from the Seattle 38. A pass play was blown up in the backfield for a 2 yard loss. Seattle then moved 60 yards in 14 plays and 7 minutes and 45 seconds. On 4th and 1 from the Detroit 39, Pete Carroll decided to go for it. Thomas Rawls gained 4 yards. After a 3rd and goal at the 2 pass fell incomplete, Pete Carroll again decided to go for it. Russell Wilson threw to Richardson, who somehow caught the ball threw the defender for the touchdown. At the 2 minute warning, Steve Hauschka tacked on a 43 yard field goal to make it 10-0 Seahawks. Yet Matthew Stafford worked the 2 minute drill well. Matt Prater hit a 51 yard field goal as the Lions trailed 10-3 at halftime.

In the third quarter the Seahawks moved from their 25 to a 1st and 10 at the Detroit 34. On 3rd and 11 Wilson was sacked to push the Seahawks out of field goal range. The Lions moved from their own 4 yard line to a 3rd and 2 at the Seattle 35. Stafford threw incomplete. Indoors away from the elements, Jim Caldwell trusted his strong legged kicker. Prater hit from 53 to get the Lions within 10-6. After a touchback, on 3rd and 1 from the Seattle 34, Thomas Rawls ran for a 32 yard gain. On 2nd and 7 from the Detroit 20, a completion only gained one yard. Yet a dumb personal foul after the play on Haloti Ngata meant 1st and goal at the 9 as the third quarter ended. On 3rd and goal at the 8, a pass to the end zone was well defended and was knocked away incomplete. From 27 yards out, Hauschka made it 13-6 Seahawks.

Seattle got it back and soon faced 3rd and 5 at their own 23. Wilson found Doug Baldwin for 12 yards and then went deep to Baldwin again for a 42 yard gain. On 3rd and 1 from the Detroit 14, Wilson hit Jimmy Graham for 10 yards. Rawls ran it in from 4 yards out to make it 19-6 Seahawks with 8 1/2 minutes left in regulation. Seattle got it back and went 84 yards to put the game away. On 3rd and 5 from the Seattle 33, Wilson went deep to Richardson for 27 yards. On 3rd and 9 from the Detroit 24, Wilson threw incomplete, but Pete carroll challenged the call. The officials reversed the call to a 10 yard catch to Baldwin. From the Detroit 13, Seattle accidentally had 2 receivers in the end zone next to each other. The pass was supposed to go to Jermaine Kearse, but Baldwin reached out and grabbed it for the score to put the game away. The Lions were game, but the Legion of Boom clamped down when it counted.

Do not be fooled by the score. The Lions were game, and fought hard in what was a slugfest through three quarters. However, at home, when it counted, the Legion of Boom did what it has been doing since 2013. Seattle is a dangerous team that can play with anybody. They have the experience, and in the playoffs, experience matters. Meanwhile, Seattle won in the friendly confines of home. The challenge comes next week if they can do it on the road. Whether they play at Atlanta or Dallas, either way they will be indoors and not affected by the elements. 26-6 Lions

Miami Dolphins at Pittsburgh Steelers was the Sunday morning game. Early in the regular season the Dolphins thrashed the Steelers 30-15 in Miami. However, this game was in Pittsburgh. Ryan Tannehill was still not able to come back from injury, so backup Matt Moore took over again. The Steelers jumped all over the Dolphins from the outset. Pittsburgh took over at their own 15. On 3rd and 5 from their own 31, Ben Roethlisberger found Rogers for 19 and then Antonio Brown for a 50 yard touchdown to make it 7-0 Steelers. The Steelers got it back at their own 10. On 3rd and 6 from their own 24, Big Ben hit Ayers for 11 and then connected with Brown again for a 62 yard touchdown and a 14-0 Steelers lead.

The Dolphins tried to get back in it. On 3rd and 13 from their own 38, Moore went deep to Kenny Stills for a 36 yard gain. Yet on 3rd and 4 from the 20, Moore threw incomplete. Andrew Franks hit the 38 yard field goal to get the Dolphins on the board. The Steelers from their own 17 kept rolling. From the Miami 26, LeVeon Bell raced for a 25 yard gain and then banged up the middle for the last yard. Despite a missed extra point, the Steelers led 20-3. Midway through the second quarter, tempers flared. With the Dolphins facing 2nd and 9 at the Pittsburgh 32, Moore threw incomplete but roughing the passer should have given Miami 1st and 10 at the Pittsburgh 17. Yet an inexplicable unsportsmanlike conduct penalty on Jay Ajayi moved the Dolphins right back. Because it was after the play, the Dolphins faced 1st and 15 at the 32 rather than 1st and 10. That killed the drive and Dolphins settled for Franks from 47 to get within 20-6.

The Steelers missed a chance to add to their lead. With one minute left in the half on 2nd and 14 from the Miami 34, Roethlisberger was intercepted. The Dolphins quickly moved from their 27. From the Pittsburgh 45, Moore went deep to Parker for 37 yards. With 27 seconds left in the half and 1st and goal at the 8, Moore was sacked and fumbled the ball away. The Steelers were scoring touchdowns while the Dolphins were kicking field goals, and in this case, not even getting that. In the third quarter it was more of the same. The Dolphins moved from their 25 to a 1st and 10 at the Pittsburgh 37. Moore was then sacked and fumbled. Pittsburgh moved from their 41 to 1st and goal at the 6. On 3rd and goal from the 7, Big Ben was sacked. However, Boswell hit from 34 as the Steelers led 23-6. One play after a touchback, Moore was intercepted by Shazier, setting up Pittsburgh at the Miami 25. On 4th and 3 from the 18, Boswell came in for a 36 yard field goal try. Lippett jumped over the center to block the kick. Unfortunately for the Miami defense, the ball had not even been snapped. The offsides penalty gave Pittsburgh an automatic first down. On 3rd and 5 from the 8 with the Miami defense smelling pass, Bell took a draw up the middle untouched for another score and a 30-6 Steelers lead. Miami got a garbage touchdown but no more. Next week Mike Tomlin’s Steelers travel to Kansas City for the Divisional round. 30-12 Steelers

New York Giants at Green Bay Packers was the Sunday afternoon game. In 2007 and 2011, the Giants went into Green Bay and hit the Packers in the mouth. They ended Brett Favre’s career in Green Bay and wrecked a 15-1 Aaron Rodgers team, helped along by a Hail Mary to end the half. They won with stifling defense. In this game the Giants defense again led by steve Spagnuolo gave the Packers fits. Yet all the Giants offense could muster was a 26 yard field goal by robbie Gould in the first quarter and a 40 Yarder in the second quarter for a 6-0 lead. Yet after 26 minutes of dominating, they let up. A short punt on 4th and 10 from their own 8 had the Packers starting at the Giants 38. Rodgers went deep to Devonta Adams for a 31 yard gain and hit Adams again for a 5 yard touchdown to make it 7-6 Packers with 2 1/2 minutes left. At the 2 minute warning, with the Giants facing 3rd and 1 at their own 41, Rainey got the carry and got stopped as cold as Lambeau Field. The Packers moved from their 20 to a 4th and 2 at the Giants 42 with 6 seconds left. Then came the Hail Mary. Rodgers did it again. Just like he did to Detroit last year. Just like the Giants did to him in 2011 and Seattle did to him in 2012. Randall Cobb caught this one in the back of the end zone as the Packers led 14-6 over a shocked Giants team.

With 6 minutes left in the third quarter Mike McCarthy gambled with the Packers facing 4th and 1 at their own 42. This was after Adam Ripowski got stopped on 3rd and 1. Montgomery got the carry and ran into a Big Blue Brick Wall. From the Green Bay 41, Ben McAdoo immediately went for it all.  Manning went deep to Tavarres King for the touchdown. Just like that, the Giants were within 14-13. This time the Packers struck right back. A strong kickoff return had the Packers at their own 37. Rodgers hit Cook for 13, Adams for 20, and a deep ball to Cobb again for a 30 yard touchdown and a 21-13 Packers lead. A terrible blunder by Rainey on the ensuing kickoff killed the Giants. It would have gone out of bounds but Rainey fielded it at the 3 yard line and then went out of bounds himself. The Giants punted and a 23 yard return by Mica Hyde had the packers at the Giants 37. Mason Crosby hit the 32 yard field goal to make it 24-13 Packers after three quarters.

The Packers got it back at their own 20 at the beginning of the fourth quarter. On 3rd and 10 from their 30, Rodgers went deep to Montgomery for 34 yards. On 3rd and 9 from the Giants 35, Rodgers hit Adams for 12. On 3rd and 3 from the Giants 16, Rodgers put the dagger in, hooking up with Cobb for a touchdown for a third time on the day. With 9 1/2 minutes left, the Packers were in command of 31-13. Two plays later Manning was sacked by Clay Matthews, forcing a fumble. Everyone except Matthews thought it was an incomplete pass and just stopped. Matthews recovered the ball at the Green Bay 45. Rodgers took nearly 6 minutes off the clock and Ripowski plunged in from one yard out to turn a thriller into a blowout.  Manning finished 19 of 34 for 264 yards and one touchdown. Rodgers was sensational, going 25 of 40 for 362 yards and 4 touchdowns. Neither quarterback was intercepted until the end of the game where Manning’s last pass was the exclamation point. With the win, the Packers next week travel to Dallas on a seven game win streak. 38-13 Packers

The Divisional Playoff games are now set (all times Eastern).

Saturday, January 14

4:30 PM: FOX: NFC: 3.) Seattle Seahawks at 2.) Atlanta Falcons

8:00 PM: CBS: AFC: 4.) Houston Texans at 1.) New England Patriots

Sunday, January 15

1:00 PM: NBC: AFC: 3.) Pittsburgh Steelers at 2.) Kansas City Chiefs

4:30 PM: FOX: NFC: 4.) Green Bay Packers at 1.) Dallas Cowboys

NFL 2016-2017 Wildcard Prequel

January 7th, 2017

NFL 2016-2017 Wildcard Prequel

Road to the Superbowl: Wildcard Preview and Bettor’s Guide

2017: We…can…do…this

January 2nd, 2017

2017: We…can…do…this

What the heck is that beeping sound?

(Knocks the phone off the hook, keeps banging the snooze alarm)

A voice tells me it’s my pager. My pager is black, so finding it in the dark is the needle in the haystack equivalent. A lucky smack knocks it against the wall, where it may or may not have shattered. The beeping continues. Why does anyone need a pager anymore anyway?

Who the heck is texting me at this ungodly hour of…(either 7 a.m., 1 p.m., or 1 a.m. …it looks blurry)?

Oh, no. It is 5 a.m., and my first radio interview of the New Year is with the morning man of an East Coast station. Time to pretend to sound coherent and go back to sleep. Oh no, wait, that radio interview was three years ago.

Great, happy wishes for the new year. Thanks. Whoever you are, it is too early to talk to you.

One year the person on the telephone insisted it was 1 p.m. After explaining to them that they were on the East Coast, and that 1 p.m. EST is 10 a.m. in Los Angeles, they grew impatient. They knew how to tell time, and that it was 4 p.m. EST, hence 1 p.m. my time.

Sure, getting up and writing my column is an option. It’s a new year, and starting the year off with a flurry of brilliance might be helpful. Forget it. This column is recycled from years ago. It’s also a day late. That is what happens when people get no sleep because of stressful January 1 football games.

Election 2016? The first person to talk politics gets blistered in my column … tomorrow.

Bowl games? There is Tivo. Besides, does anybody care who wins the Poulan Weed Eater Bowl, the Lack of Bowl, the Fishbowl, the RU486 Morning After Bowl, The California Metrosexual Pride Bowl, or any other game that may or may not be made up?

Speaking of the morning after, does anybody remember the David Byrne Talking Heads song from the movie “Less than Zero? (which the temperature feels like right now, even in LA)? The song is called “Once In A Lifetime.”

“This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife. What have I done? How did I get here?”

It then occurs to me that the beeping sounds are the voices in my head telling me I am too old, even at 44, to stay out this late. Even without alcohol, exhaustion has set in.

Get out of bed? Work calls in (whenever) hours. Better rest up, before my tyrant of a boss complains. Such is the life of the self-employed.

Get up now? Somehow stagger to the shower, get dressed, make it out of my condo to go … where?

The stores are closed. Maybe they are open. Too tired to find out.

My birthday is in just over a week. Time to pace myself.

Work on my website? All that takes is staggering to my couch. Oh, no. My IT guy has not finished it yet. Oh, wait, he did years ago. I clicked on the wrong site.

Go on Jdate and search for women? Not a bad idea, except it is too tiring to check their Adams Apples. This is not the year for a boyfriend, and am not sure that my eyes can tell the difference right now. Besides, Jdate is so 2014. Now it is Tinder, JSwipe and JCrush.

Shop on Ebay? No. bad idea. Buying stuff when not at full capacity is problematic. Who needs another mountain goat? Dang creature gets his horns in my hide. Not a comfy way to wake up. Calm down boy, you’ll get some straw to graze on upon my waking up.

Work on my record album? Although again, world, just because my hair is long, that does not mean my band exists. The best instrument is the triangle, because that tells me lunch is ready. Oh wait, my hair is not even that long anymore. I could work on that, although I didn’t do much. I sat. It grew.

Ahh, yes, lunch. Get up and eat something. My microwave is slow, and a five minute microwave dinner takes almost 15 minutes. Read the paper? It is cold outside my building where the stand is, and it only takes coins. Reading the paper online is tiring, and my printer is not working. At least the lifestyle section makes a great placemat for eating.

Staying in bed for only a couple more hours until (whatever the big and little hands say) would allow me to stay up all night and be totally exhausted for work tomorrow. Again, my boss is a tyrant.

Running errands … not gonna happen.

Every morning, a four word prayer starts my day. My elbows are used to try and leverage them against my bed to prop me up. Placing my alarm clock on the other side of the room failed, since ripping the cord out of the wall solved that problem.

As for the Jewish brunette who stole the covers, her political liberalism was not a problem last night, although if she opens her trap today she will receive a more caustic reception than usual.

Oh wait, she already left. Here is a note. “Tried to wake you, but that was a losing battle. By the way, you have nothing but soda in your fridge. Talk to you soon.” oh, wait, I think that happened a decade ago. This is 2017, not 2005.

She is a liar. There are potato chips in my fridge as well. Why they are there remains a mystery, but it saves having to remember which cabinet they are in. One-stop shopping  is the way to go.

Besides, combing my hair for her was enough. Not doing it this morning, proud “retrosexual” that is me.

At least having the decency to say some morning prayers would be appropriate.

“Hey God…those people I pray for every night…yeah those people, the same ones…look after them again.”

Back to sleep, despite every attempt to wake up. The home phone is turned off, the cell is off as well, and the pager is still shattered, in addition to being disconnected years ago.

There may have been a car crash outside my building followed by 911 calls and sirens, but telling everybody to “keep it down,” solved that problem. A brief nightmare of me being late for work was averted when I realized my location to me was known if necessary.

Four televisions in the living room, and none in the bedroom. Who thought that up? Oh yeah, a television in the bedroom would promote laziness. Besides, trying to figure out which remote to use would cause me to break them all as if they were my pager.

Ok, here it is. Come on, elbows, do your stuff. Rise, young lad, rise! Awaken thy exhausted tired eyes!

Why is God shouting? Oh wait, that is my overdramatization of God.

Time to set the alarm now to avoid missing work tomorrow. Where was it thrown? Threw it? Oh, screw it.

Ok, time for my four word prayer. It has gotten me this incredibly terribly far. Time to contemplate getting out of bed.


Happy 2017 all. Except for the person that woke me up earlier. Whoever you are, I still can’t stand you, even though you are doing me a favor.

Ten hours and 16 bowl games later, there is only one thing left to do.

Time for a nap. Happy 2017.