Archive for November, 2007

Walruses in sports

Wednesday, November 21st, 2007

Several months ago I analyzed whether or not C3PO was homosexual, and what the political orientation of the Fraggles were. For those who wonder what else guys discuss when watching the game, a frequent topic of conversation in my home is which people involved in sports look like walruses.

While nobody will ever reach the mythical of status of the Monopoly Guy or Wilford Brimley, hefty mustachioed men deserve their own exclusive club. Since America loves winners, only champions are allowed in this arbitrary walrus club. Having said that, the list has been compiled after years of debate.

Craig Stadler–The original sports walrus. Golf may be boring, but he has passed his gift onto his son Kevin, who insists he is not the Walrus. He should not be confused with Statler from the Muppets, who was not a walrus, but did hang out with a Waldorf, while criticizing the show from the balcony. They were armchair quarterbacks, which is a sport. I forget which one had the mustache.

Jerry Reuss–This mainstay of the Los Angeles Dodgers deserves to be one of the original sports walruses.

After that, like a bushy mustache, the list gets fuzzy. First, we turn to the National Football League.

Mike Holmgren, Head Coach, Seattle Seahawks and Green Bay Packers–Definitely a walrus. In the NFL, he is the Walrus. Legend has it that in the mid 1990s, he was trying to lecture Brett Favre on the sidelines when Favre started spacing out. It was a snowy day in Green Bay, and icicles had frozen Holmgen’s mustache. After repeatedly asking Favre whether he wanted to run or pass, and then saying he was going to shake Favre if he did not say something, Favre replied, “Coach, you should see your mustache.” In addition, Holmgren has won a Super Bowl. All Hail the Holmgren.

Andy Reid, Head Coach, Philadelphia Eagles–Walrus Lite. I am hesitant to upgrade him to full walrus status, since the Eagles have yet to win a Super Bowl. He is Walrus Lite, not Walrus Light, because as one friend says, “There is nothing light about Andy Reid.” Upon his winning a championship, he will get the full walrus upgrade.

Brad Childress, Head Coach, Minnesota Vikings–Can we have a bald walrus? A check of the rules says that nothing prohibits this. However, he needs to pack on 100 pounds or so. Also, he needs to make the playoffs, much less win a Super Bowl. Given that being on Mike Holmgren’s staff allows Andy Reid to be Walrus Lite, Brad Childress being a former member of Andy Reid’s staff allows him to have the moniker of “Walrus III.”

Shifting to the National Hockey League, Ken Hitchcock is a walrus. He did not win with the Philadelphia Flyers, but he did win with the Dallas Stars. One point of contention was that he eventually shaved his mustache. Nevertheless, he did have one when he won the Stanley Cup, and he could grow it back. As one of my friends says, “That is a man in need of a low carb diet.” He gets grandfathered in, since many grandfathers are heavy fellows with mustaches.

With regards to Major League Baseball, Rollie Fingers does not get to join Jerry Reuss. If it were a handlebar mustache competition, Rollie would win hair down. The guy had plenty of saves, but never packed on the pounds. This is not the 1960s. This is the Bush administration, and mustaches must be bushy.

The National Basketball Association, thanks to Michael Jordan, should be renamed the National Bald Association. Again, if this were a club for bald guys, the NBA would win lack of hair down. However, these guys are simply too folliclely challenged to receive entry.

Shifting back to the National Football League, a question came up about whether there could be black walruses. A reading of the rules did not show any prohibitions. The problem then became that no black coach had won a championship until Tony Dungy, whose kindness makes him closer to a baby seal than a walrus. However, in the spirit of the “Rooney Rule” that has increased minority hiring, it is fair to say that the lack of black hiring gave black coaches a much slower start on winning Super Bowls. Therefore, the championship exemption can be waived for a qualified black walrus.

While former Oakland Raiders Coach Art Shell and Former Vikings and Cardinals Coach Dennis Green present strong applications, their trips to the playoffs were less than stellar.

Art Shell did get to the AFC Title Game, but lost 51-3. Dennis Green lost virtually every playoff game he was in, and the NFC Title Game against the Giants was a 41-0 defeat. Also, the 1998 Vikings collapse to the Atlanta Falcons was inexcusable.

Also, Art Shell and Dennis Green had talent. Mike Holmgren and Andy Reid took over losers. Therefore, starting from scratch earns more prestige. NBA Coach Phil Jackson is more Zen-Mastery than walrusy, but he is too thin, and started with too much, 9 championships notwithstanding.

Therefore, the first Black Walrus belongs to a man who has done so much with so little. Congratulations Romeo Crennel. It took a double doinker and a multi minute delay, but these Cleveland Browns have reincarnated the old Cardiac Kids. You have several rings as an assistant coach, and while assistant rings do not count (Art Shell and Dennis Green have them), all you had when you started were some nondescript people wearing the Cleveland uniforms, and some very passionate fans in the Dawg Pound. Your blue collar team keeps fighting, and even if it takes Phil Dawson 10 minutes to make a field goal, that game will be replayed 100 years from now.

Life is about legacies, and Super Bowls notwithstanding, you are the coach who presided over the double doinker win. It was not the greatest game ever played, but then again 2007 is not 1958. Congratulations Mr. Crennel. You are a walrus.

If His Royal Hairness could just get a comb and fix whatever that thing on his head is, Boxing Promoter Don King could be the most verbose walrus on the planet. Speaking of fixing, Don King could fix this contest as well, but so far there is no evidence of his trying to rig the walrus standings.

For sports announcers, Paul Maguire is absolutely a walrus. He is a champion for his one liners at the expense of Joe Theismann for so many years.

At some point in the future, political walruses will be discussed. Saddam Hussein will not be included because genocidal lunatics are denied initiation into this friendly furry club.

All acknowledge and beam with pride over walruses in sports everywhere.

Koo Koo Ke Choo.


Ideological Bigotry Part IX–Shaved Legal Dice

Tuesday, November 20th, 2007

As I have said on many occasions, I started blogging because I wanted to combat the scourge of ideological bigotry. I hope that others continue to share their tales with me. Before going into my latest encounter with ideological bigotry, attached is the link to another decent fellow that is being accosted simply for being a republican and existing.

As far back as I can recall, there has been tension between the republican party and the liberal black leadership of America. Yes, the republican party made some terrible mistakes. So what? Who hasn’t? Do two wrongs make a right? Only if the goal is vengeance instead of justice. Despite many decent black Americans truly wanting a better life for all Americans, the liberal black leadership in America today preaches division and racial animosity. Agitation is encouraged, and comity is considered weakness. Why offer an olive branch when one can act aggressive and be rewarded for it? With the help of guilty white liberals, republicans in this country, especially conservative ones, have been demonized not for anything they do, but for being.

I have worked in environments where politics is discussed. Not office politics, but national politics. Often, the discussions involved racial issues. I have always kept quiet because as a republican, I am just not in the mood to be called a Nazi, Fascist, racist, sexist pig. I remember one easygoing black man in his early 30s who, like me, always stayed silent. I asked him why he never got involved in the discussions. In his rich, deep, voice, he replied, “Eric, here’s my philosophy. The differences between black and white are nothing compared to the differences between men and women. If you’re a man, no matter what color you are, there’s a chance I can understand you.”

Unfortunately, some people feel the need to not only take part in the conversation, but to dominate it. Often, these people are not interested in facts, but in winning debate points by crushing whoever stands in their way, right or wrong. Make no mistake about it. When an office bully wants to target you, no human resources department will stand in their way. Like Ted Kennedy going after Robert Bork and Clarence Thomas, facts get lost in a sea of poison and innuendo.

The way accusations work are simple. If a member of a protected group makes overt comments, those comments are rationalized away as the product of a rough childhood, a tough background, or decades of injustice. If a member of an unprotected group makes a comment about the weather, and the member of a protected group finds comments about the weather to be against their race or religion, they have grounds for a lawsuit.

Overstating the case? Ask any man who has ever been railroaded how stacked the deck is when political correctness takes over.

Some would say that there is the legal system. No way. If I could give conservative republicans advice, it would be to roll over and take it, or move to a red state. There is no hope. Labor laws are set up to help those that have been oppressed in society, which means that those former oppressors, aka wealthy, white republicans, deserve no mercy and no benefit of the doubt. Labor lawyers by definition are activists, which means that their ability to be neutral arbiters can be compromised when the issues are political.

I know one labor lawyer who “is not saying I am a racist, but I have racist tendencies.” How does he know this? Did he ever ask me my opinions on anything? Of course not. He does not need to do so. I am a conservative republican, and therefore I cannot understand the subtle nuances behind racism. Of course, labor lawyers like these shill for the ACLU, Legal Aid, and other organizations that spend their time coddling real criminals while productive citizens burn. I actually know one labor lawyer who was at the center of a corrupt election involving dogs voting. These are the people enforcing ethics in America.
The honorable thing for a labor lawyer to do when they realize that they have an inherent bias that prevents them from even asking the tough questions necessary to conduct a fair investigation would be to recuse themselves. Yet honor is not known among liberals or lawyers. Combine the two, and it is no surprise that real actual complaints do not get dealt with because people are afraid to speak up. These same labor lawyers actually preach that the system works. No. It does not.

One reason is that the system is not set up to do what is right. It is set up to do what is legal. It is illegal to say bad things about protected groups. Race and religion are protected. Ideology is not protected. That means somebody could spend every day in an office explaining why they hate republicans, and there is no recourse. A person could light a republican pamphlet on fire, and that would be free expression. Try burning a cross and see what happens. No, I am not advocating cross burning. I am saying that those who would condemn cross burning should not be so quick to want to burn anybody else’s beliefs. I began blogging because a liberal woman expressed to me that she wished that George W. Bush and his supporters were flammable. That is called lynching.

So what does one do when the legal dice are shaved, and the labor laws are simply an appendage of the democratic party? Well, taking care of office militants is going to be tough, but the lawyers…there is recourse.

Lawyers can be disbarred. They can face reprimands. They can face disciplinary hearings. They do not have absolute power. Also, they do not have the right to retaliate against a legitimate claim. Like all claims, they can sue for defamation if they are slandered. However, it is not difficult to prove bias. Labor lawyers love to explain how everybody else is biased, but you don’t become a left wing ideologue without developing a certain contempt for conservatives that borders on hubris.

In the same way college students need to strike back against corrupt liberal professors, conservatives should not accept accusations of racism, even if the person leveling the accusation has a law degree.

America in the 21st century is not Selma, Alabama. Most people just want to live their lives. I was not even born when Nixon developed the southern strategy that has caused so many blacks to detest republicans. Even so, most black Americans are reasonable people. It is the guilty white liberals that cannot be salvaged. They are a lost cause, and all the labor lawyers in the world will not be able to protect them when conservatives start fighting back. You can only bully people for so long.

The legal dice are shaved. It is time to end this rigged game. If that means exposing every person who promises to uphold the law, and instead perverts it, then this needs to be done. Lawyers that let their own biases infect their ability to do their jobs must recuse themselves. Otherwise, concerned citizens can help the disciplinary committee do it for them. I can only hope that when they come for the guilty white liberals, nobody will be willing to speak up for them.


Republicans and Race

Monday, November 19th, 2007

The Jayson Blair Times has an article today by Paul Krugman entitled “Republicans and Race.” I will not be providing the link because nothing positive has ever been gleamed from anything written by any of the race baiting left wing bullies that work at the JBT. Krugman tries to show why Ronald Reagan is a racist, and then concludes his monstrosity of an article by saying that “we should be able to discuss the role of race in American politics honestly.”

Forget that Paul Krugman and honesty are contradictory. Let’s have a real honest conversation about race.

Oh, and referring to that scourge of a left wing rag as the Jayson Blair Times is not racist. Pinch Sulzberger and Howell Raines promoting this incompetent man over better qualified coworkers because he is black is racist. Using a newspaper to poison race relations by describing every effective member of an entire political party as racist is what is racist.

We are not equal yet. Racism still exists. There are places where a black man will be discriminated against because of the color of his skin. This does happen.

Now let’s tell another side of the story. Many black wounds are self inflicted.

Black on black crime is out of control. 70% of black children are born out of wedlock. Some segments of the black community glorify violence, whether it be gunfights or dogfights. Successful black doctors, bankers and attorneys are seen as “acting white.” Being “authentically black” means looking slovenly.

Race is about pigmentation. Period. There is nothing inherent in any person’s race that makes that person obey or break the law. I listen to rap music, and happen to like Snoop Doggy Dogg. Just because he writes about lawbreaking does not mean I have to listen to him. I can like his beats and rhymes without committing crimes.

The most dangerous part of this race equation, one of the main reasons things do not get better as quickly as most people would like, is because too many people benefit from exacerbating divisions. In short, race hustlers exist.

Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton are criminals. They belong in jail. I have provided many examples in the past, and will not repeat them here. They are poison, and no positive progress can be made as long as anybody decides that progress must go through them.

I want to make it crystal clear that I despise racism. It corrodes society, and can turn American against American. However, I refuse to engage in meaningless gestures that do nothing to solve today’s societal ills. I also will not feel guilty for being politically conservative.

I will not consider reparations for slavery. I am not having my tax dollars pay for somebody else to get compensation for acts that happened long before I was born. I am the son of a Holocaust survivor, and my father never received reparations. My great grandparents had their possessions confiscated. Giving me a check will not bring them back or change the fact that they were murdered.

I will not accept the fact that all problems between black people and police officers is because of racial profiling. As Dr. Thomas Sowell has brilliantly expressed, the few times he was pulled over as a young black man driving a nice car were uneventful because he was polite to the police officers. A little politeness goes a long way. Most police officers are good people trying to save lives, regardless of color.

Some people see racism in in the fact that powder cocaine, seen as a rich white drug, leads to shorter prison sentences than crack cocaine offenses, which are seen primarily as poor, black drug offenses. America can have an honest conversation about our drug laws in general, and whether or not the war on drugs is worth fighting. We can argue about whether mandatory minimum sentences should occur, or whether we should end the disparity through shorter sentences for crack or longer sentences for powder cocaine. What we must not do is automatically prescribe racism to every problem. In 1986, Crack cocaine swept so powerfully through America that get tough measures were vital. It was simply a more powerful epidemic in terms of leading to crime.

Also, the idea that Ronald Reagan deliberately introduced crack to the inner city neighborhoods is insane. The idea that AIDS was a deliberate plan to kill black families is nuts. The problem is that some people automatically accept the worst without questioning things. Here are some examples.

Jesse Jackson has a pending lawsuit against the World Chess Federation because chess is a racist game created by colonial occupiers. The white pieces get to move first.

White hog farmers in middle America are being sued because they are deliberately trying to kill black men through heart disease. Because Jews are forbidden from eating pork, this issue is also exacerbating Jewish-Black tensions. Jews are pork merchants.

February used to have 31 days. Black America wanted to have a month dedicated to them, so the republican leadership in the 1980s met with the Congressional Black Caucus and reached a back room deal. Black History Month would come into existence, but February would be reduced to 28 days.

Professor Leonard Jeffries, in an attempt to be 100% black, has demanded that his white blood cells be replaced with black blood cells. He is funding hospitals that perform blood color transfusion surgery, and is recommending that black men get purified as quickly as possible.

Why do the above examples never get reported in the media? Is there a conspiracy? No. It is because I made them up. I have also convinced many educated black men (and some uneducated ones) that the above examples were truthful. What could cause bright people to believe such utter nonsense? Because they are predisposed towards bad news.

Talk about black home ownership being at an all time high, and this is dismissed. Talk about black billionaires such as Charlotte Hornet’s owner Robert Johnson, and this is seen as an aberration. Oprah Winfrey is treated like a God in this country, yet supposedly things have never been worse.

No, things are not as good as they could be. Yes, things are much better than they are made out to be.

Others point to nooses on college campuses as an example that nothing has changed. The students who hang nooses are punished severely. They are not celebrated. So yes, things have changed. There is nationwide disgust at such actions, which was not always the case.

As a republican, I can tell you that many black Americans simply despise republicans. They hate their guts. While I have repeatedly stated that republicans must go into black neighborhoods, and that the southern strategy was wrong, some black “leaders” such as Jackson and Sharpton simply decide that on every single issue between a black person and a white person, that the black person is right. If a republican is involved, that person is automatically disqualified. For one example, The Jena 6 are thugs, and now they are being celebrated as fighting back against an unjust society.

For any honest conversation, all people who do not have a proven track record of racism have to be invited into the debate.

I have heard some black men say that black republicans are “not authentically black.” They are referred to as “Uncle Toms,” and on occasion have Oreo Cookies tossed at their feet. Bill Clinton is supposedly black, while Clarence Thomas is supposedly white. It is not white America that has skewered Dr. Condoleeza Rice, or dismissed the hiring of Colin Powell. Bill Clinton was automatically good, despite failing to stand by Lani Guinier. President Bush is automatically bad. Openmindedness is a fantasy.

I have heard some black men who would go insane with rage if they heard the n-word (justifiably so) have zero problems using anti-gay slurs, with the word that rhymes with “maggot” being a popular choice. As Ann Coulter and Dog the Bounty Hunter found out, outsiders cannot decide how terms are used. If black people can decide that the n-word is a slur, then gay people have every right to decide that their f-word is also a slur. I find both of these words disgusting, but the idea that one is ok and the other is not is insane.

I have heard some black men say that George W. Bush “does not care about black people.” In fact, white liberal Paul Begala tried to link President Bush to the dragging death of James Byrd because they were both from Texas. Nobody blamed Lady Bird Johnson, even though her last name was pronounced the same as the victim.

Hurricane Katrina was tragic, but the black Mayor and white liberal governor of Louisiana were both incompetents, and democrats. Republican Governor Haley Barbour was brilliant in the aftermath, and he was overwhelmingly reelected.

David Dinkins was a good decent man, but he was not tough enough for the job of Mayor of New York City. He was a nice, thoughtful man, who failed. When Jewish-Black riots broke out, he yelled “increase the peace,” at which point a black man in the crowd threw a bottle at him. He also attended a funeral for a Jewish victim and wore the religious Jewish skullcap. Again, he was a kind man that failed at a tough job. Rudy Giuliani succeeded. Many black Americans hate Mayor Giuliani because of the Amado Diallo incident, but give the Mayor no credit for reducing crime drastically, which resulted in less black people being murdered.

So what is the good news? Is there any good news at all? Yes. The good news is that contrary to what many people think, including some black people, black America is not monolithic. 70-80% of Jews are liberals, and they do not speak for me. I am an individual thinker. Black people, like any other people, have many thinkers who are tired of swallowing the company line about victimhood and getting nothing in terms of noticeable progress. Working within the system is not seen as selling out.

Chris Rock talks about it in his comedy routines, but that is comedy. When Bill Cosby speaks out, people listen. Liberal columnist and NPR host Juan Williams, despite being slandered as an Uncle Tom, is refusing to back down. People who deeply care about black America have had enough. They understand racism exists, and they know they cannot stop it. They also know that what is within their control, they must fight to improve.

What the republican party needs to do is to talk to reasonable people who are willing to listen. It also means that kissing up to people who have a sinister agenda only feeds their bad behavior.

When the NAACP referred to President Bush as a racist, they marginalized themselves. He was right to boycott their conventions. Improving relations only works when both sides want to honestly do so. One example of this is U.S.-French relations. Jacques Chirac went out of his way to act like he hated America, so we hated the French. Yet when Nicolas Sarkozy replaced him, he went out of his way to say how much he liked America. We instantly warmed up to him. This is not complex.

Yes, in the past republicans were awful towards black America. Yet having black America continue to despise republicans does nothing to improve society. Some will say it is the responsibility of the republicans to reach out. This is garbage. It is the responsibility of everybody to reach out. Once a person decides that they will not reach out, there is no possibility for dialogue with them. However, when people do reach out, positive changes can happen, sometimes rapidly.

So to the overwhelming majority of black Americans who are not permanent victims who are closeminded and hateful of all republicans, I absolutely look forward to working with you to try and solve the many problems America still faces. Some of these problems are racial, and some are not. I believe you will listen to and respect my feedback, and offer me your own invaluable input. All of these issues are solvable because when good people, regardless of background, roll up their sleeves, amazing things can happen. That is what America is about.


NFL 2007–Week 11 Recap

Sunday, November 18th, 2007

Back from Vegas with a vicious cough, I was on injured reserve, missing my coed touch football game. After two weeks off, I should be ready by next week. Nevertheless, I rested enough this weekend to be ready for the NFL on Sunday, as my remote control hand was as fast as ever. Below is the recap for week 11.

San Diego Chargers @ Jacksonville Jaguars–Jack Del Rio football is about attitude. From 4th and inches at the San Diego 15 yard line, they pushed through for the first down. On 4th and goal at the 1, Maurice Jones-Drew rammed it up the gut for a 10-0 lead. The Jaguars led 17-3 at the break. Jacksonville led 24-10 after three quarters. Early in the fourth, one fourth down, the Chargers tried a halfback option pass, Ladanian Tomlinson inexplicably ran out of bounds for a turnover on downs. Philip Rivers kept throwing it to the Jaguars, and his last interception with 1:40 left snuffed out a rally. 24-17 Jaguars

Carolina Panthers @ Green Bay Packers–A pair of Brett Favre touchdown passes (he had three on the day) and a 94 yard punt return for a touchdown by Tramon Williams propelled Green Bay to a 21-3 lead at the break. At 28-3, the Packers coasted to a 9-1 record. 31-17 Packers

Kansas City Chiefs @ Indianapolis Colts–Whether it be injuries or a slump, the Colts are not right. Adam Vinatieri missed another short field goal from short range, and Manning had a rough first half, as the teams were tied 3-3 at the break. It was 10-10 going into the fourth quarter. Joseph Addai scored, and Damon Huard had a touchdown pass. This was one of those games where very good teams need to play bad and still win. With 4th and inches at the 3 yard line at the two minute warning, the Colts decided to go for it. This seemed beyond bizarre, since I doubt Dungy had lost confidence in Vinatieri altogether. A quarterback sneak made the first down, and the Colts bled the clock. With six seconds left, Vinatieri nailed a 20 yard field goal. It was ugly, but the Colts are 8-2. 13-10 Colts

Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Atlanta Falcons–A 41 yard fumble return for a touchdown by Ronde Barber had the Buccaneers up 14-0 at intermission. No Michael Vick, no chance, and for the Falcons, no points until it was way too late to matter. 31-7 Buccaneers.
Arizona Cardinals @ Cincinnati Bengals–The Bengals have talented players that are not living up to their potential. The Cardinals have Kurt Warner, and naysayers notwithstanding, you don’t become a two time NFL MVP by being a bum. Matt Leinart is not missed right now. The Cardinals led 21-13 at halftime, with the star being Antrel Rolle returning an interception of Carson Palmer for a touchdown.

Arizona appeared to be in command when a rushing touchdown put them up 28-13, but Carson brought the Bengals back quickly, and a pair of touchdowns cut the gap to 28-27 as the Bengals opted against the two point conversion. Antrel Rolle returned a second interception for a touchdown and a 35-27 Cardinals lead early in the fourth. With under a minute remaining, Antrel Rolle had a 3rd interception for a touchdown, which would have been an NFL record had their not been a ridiculous unnecessary roughness penalty after the interception. The call was “an unnecessary hit against the quarterback.” Palmer was decked, but once an interception is thrown, the quarterback is a blocker like anyone else. Nevertheless, Palmer’s 4th interception stood, even though the touchdown did not. 35-27 Cardinals

Miami Dolphins @ Philadelphia Eagles–Football is getting ugly in Philadelphia. Donovan McNabb has been more vocal, and the team has been less functional. An 87 yard punt return by Tedd Ginn had the Dolphins up 7-3 at the half. When the Eagles took a 10-7 lead, the game appeared over, and from an entertainment standpoint it was. 17-7 Eagles

Cleveland Browns @ Baltimore Ravens–Ray Lewis had a fumble return for a touchdown, but for the umpteenth week in a row, that is the offense for the Ravens as well, as the Browns led 13-7 at halftime. After falling behind 14-13, the Browns did lead 27-14 after a 100 yard interception return of a Kyle Boller pass. Yet for the second week in a row, they had trouble putting a game away against a bitter division foe. The game was tied 27-27, and a Matt Stover field goal with 30 seconds left appeared to win it for the Ravens. Another Browns collapse appeared to have occurred. Yet the Browns have Joshua Cribbs. He appeared to be stopped around the 20 yard line, but he dragged tacklers all the way to the 40. The Browns got close enough for Phil Dawson to try a 51 yard field goal to tie the game. Dawson’s miss last week against Pittsburgh from 52 was the difference, and this was his chance at redemption. Hyperbole notwithstanding, the conclusion to this was one of the most bizarre games in NFL history.

This kick should be known as Dawson’s Creak, because it took forever to arrive, and needed to creak it’s way. First it hit the upright. Then it hit the crossbar. Then it bounced away, no good. The referees consulted with each other. They had no idea if it was good or not. They ruled it no good, and the Browns anguished as the Ravens celebrated. Yet a replay showed something many including myself had never seen before. After the ball hit the upright, it did not actually hit the crossbar itself, as initially thought. It actually hit the squiggly part behind the crossbar. So the ball actually made it past the crossbar, hit the metal squiggly part, and defying physics, came back on the side of the field short of being good. The Ravens went to the locker room, but the Browns stayed on the field.

For some reason, the play was not reviewable, but the referees had a “discussion,” which involved reviewing the play, although it was not officially called a review. After much discussion, they got the call right. The kick was past the crossbar, and was good. The game was tied. The Ravens had to come back from the locker room, and thousands of fans that had exited the stadium jammed to get back in. In overtime, Joshua Cribbs again took the kickoff to the 40 yard line. The Ravens never saw the ball. The Browns mounted a sox minute drive, and from 33 yards, there was much less drama. Phil Dawson split the uprights, and in a game that will be talked about for decades, the original Browns beat the newer Browns.

Even though they have not won a championship under his leadership, this game was so monumental that Romeo Crennel must be considered to be a member of that exclusive club of sports personalities that resemble walruses. I figured Dennis Green or Art Shell would get their first, since there is no reason a black man cannot resemble a walrus. The entire list will be published sometime soon, and congratulations to Romeo Crennel on the walrus nomination and his team for the win. It has been 27 years since the “Cardiac Kids” gave Cleveland fans heartburn, but these Browns are a lovable ragtag bunch. As for the Ravens, they remain unlikable from their coach to their players, despite actually having shreds of offense today. 33-30 Browns, OT

New York Giants @ Detroit Lions–Brandon Jacobs ran hard and Big Blue had a stifling defense in the first half, propelling the G-men to a 10-0 lead. The Giants led 16-3 with several minutes left when John Kitna threw a touchdown pass to make it a six point game. With three minutes left Kitna went for the home run ball, but was intercepted in the end zone. The Lions got one more chance, but a John Kitna pass bounced off the hands of the receiver and was intercepted. The pass was a bit high, but should have been caught. Kitna passed for 374 yards, but was picked off three times. 16-10 Giants

New Orleans Saints @ Houston Texans–The Texans led 17-10 at the break. It is not that I enjoy giving games short shrift, but did anybody who roots for the other 30 teams care? No. The second half was missable, as two more field goals was enough for Houston. The Saints have dropped a pair since getting to 4-4, and would have to run the table to get back to the playoffs. 23-10 Texans.

Oakland Raiders @ Minnesota Vikings–The game of the day featured two teams that had no interest in winning, which accurate reflected their entire seasons. For more on this travesty, go to

Adrian Peterson was not playing, giving the Raiders a sense of hope they would soon diminish themselves. Minnesota backup running back Chester Taylor had 163 yards rushing. The Raiders offense consisted of a pair of bombs to Ronald Curry, who did his best Randy Moss impersonation in robbing a completion out of double coverage. Of course, this led to field goals, because the Raiders have no offense. Sebastian Janikowski had four field goals in the first half, and turnovers by both teams set up field goals. The Vikings had a 30 yard run up the middle for a touchdown, and A Culpepper pass to Madsen went for a touchdown. The Raiders also blundered on defense when an interception in the end zone by Nahmdi Asoughma was returned to the two yard line. Everybody thinks they are taking it coast to coast. This set up a safety for the Vikings. The game was tied 19-19 at the half.

A Minnesota field goal put them up 22-19, and a long pass from Culpepper to Jerry Porter put the Raiders at the Minnesota 14, where of course the Raiders self destructed. Culpepper was hit, fumbled, and two Raiders fought each other for the ball, allowing the Vikings to fall on it. Culpepper did have 344 yards passing on the day, but mistakes in critical situations have killed Oakland this year. When the Vikings went the length of the field and ran it in, the 29-19 game seemed to be out of reach, even though only 8 seconds had elapsed in the fourth quarter.

Seabass made his fifth field goal with 3 1/2 minutes left. He then kicked the ensuing kickoff out of bounds at the one yard line. For punters this is fabulous. For kickers, it puts the ball at the 40 yard line. The defense held, and the Raiders got the ball back, determined to find a creative way to lose another game. Culpepper threw a short pass that was intercepted, yet instead of remaining on the ground, it was fumbled right back to the Raiders. This incredible luck created a first down and stopped the clock. With no timeouts left, the Raiders reached the Minnesota 30 with the clock ticking. Culpepper spiked the ball with 12 seconds left. Unfortunately, there was a false start on the spike that led to a 10 second runoff. Instead of several plays, one hail mary with 2 seconds left was batted to the ground. This how they lose the games. 29-22 Vikings

Pittsburgh Steelers @ New York Jets–The Steelers are a good team. New York has been saying “Just end the season” for several weeks now. That’s why they play the games. The Jets brought their defense, and a couple jarring hits led to turnovers, including an acrobatic interception. The Jets led 10-7 and were driving late in the second quarter. Gang Green quarterback Clemon tried to stretch the ball from the one yard line, fumbling for a touchback. These are the Jets. However, a defensive holding penalty against the Steelers placed the ball at the one yard line with 17 seconds left in the half. It only led to a field goal. Again, these are the Jets.

A pair of Pittsburgh field goals had the game tied 13-13 after three, when the Jets faced a 4th and 2 at the Pittsburgh 32. Eschewing the field goal, the Jets instead had a false start followed by an incomplete pass. Again, these are the Jets. Another field goal put the Steelers up 16-13 with 9 minutes remaining. An exchange of turnovers had the Jets in Steelers territory with 6 minutes left. On 4th and 5 from the Pittsburgh 41, with 4 1/2 minutes remaining and all three timeouts, the Jets decided to go for it. Of course, they did not make it. These are the Jets, who then inexplicably called a timeout on defense before Pittsburgh ran their 1st down play.

Nevertheless, the Jets had another shot, and Clemons moved them from their own 14 to the Pittsburgh 5 with 37 seconds left. After a spike, the second down pass was dropped. This was followed by a delay of game penalty. With 26 seconds left, a 27 yard field goal attempt to tie the game was good.In overtime, a short Pittsburgh punt followed by Leon Washington returning it 33 yards allowed the Jets to start at the Steelers 26. Mike Nugent nailed his 4th field goal as overtime gave them their second win. J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets Jets Jets. Ok, the Steelers should be ashamed. 19-16 Jets, OT

Washington Redskins @ Dallas Cowboys–A defensive game featured one Tony Romo touchdown pass to Terrell Owens, with Jason Campbell showing promise for the Redskins. A 7-7 tie was broken on a Washington field goal on the last play of the half. Yet while the first half was a defensive slugfest, the second half was an aerial show. With two minutes left in the third quarter, a 31 yard touchdown pass from Romo to Owens on 3rd and 19 put Dallas up 14-10. Washington came right back but had to settle for a field goal. Romo then went to Owens for their third touchdown connection in the game, a 46 yard strike with 11 1/2 minutes left. The Redskins needed only 90 seconds to strike back, but again they were kicking field goals while the Cowboys were getting touchdowns. The Cowboys led by five points. Romo’s 4th touchdown pass to Owens, this time for 52 yards, required one mistimed jump, as opposed to T.O. breezing past the secondary. The Cowboys were up by 12 with 8 minutes left.

The Redskins would not quit. A Jason Campbell touchdown pass cut the gap to 5 points, and the Cowboys punted. After a return by Antwaan Randle El, Campbell was intercepted by Terrence Newman with under 2 minutes left. The Washington defense held again, but Campbell had under 40 seconds left. With 16 seconds, the Redskins were at midfield. On the last play of the game, Campbell attempted a hail mary, and T.O. was playing defense at the end zone. T.O. resisted the interception attempt and properly batted it down out of bounds. A valiant Washington effort did not stop Dallas from getting to 9-1. 28-23 Cowboys

St. Louis Rams @ San Francisco 49ers–The Rams are a juggernaut in the second half of the season, having a win to separate themselves from Miami. A three yard touchdown pass from Marc Bulger to Torry Holt had the Rams up 10-3 at the half. Unfortunately for football fans everywhere, the second half was played. Each team added a field goal. With 2 minutes left, international superstar Trent Dilfer threw a pass to the goal line that was dropped, and another pass into the end zone that was also dropped. As tempting as it is to blame him, his entire team is dreadful, with their 2-0 start a distant memory.

On 4th and 10 from the Rams 29, with only 1:51 left, Dick Nolan inexplicably called for a field goal. Yes, the 49ers defense was playing well, and yes, they had all 3 timeouts, but it still seemed a bizarre decision. The kick was good, the Rams went nowhere, and Dilfer had his last shot. With three seconds left from the Rams 25, Dilfer went to the end zone, and the 49ers legacy was complete. First there was Montana to Clark. Then there was Garcia to Owens. Now we had Dilfer to…some guy on the Rams…interception. 13-9 Rams

Chicago Bears @ Seattle Seahawks–Cedric Benson ran it in on the second play of the game, and the Bears led 10-0 early on. With Matt Hasselbeck passing, the game was tied 17-17 at the break in a game featuring two teams that were good last year. Seattle led 27-20 early in the fourth. Rex Grossman was then hit, and fumbled the ball away. A Seattle field goal with 3 1/2 minutes left iced the game.Chicago did kick a field goal with 13 seconds left, but the onsides kick failed. 30-23 Seahawks

New England Patriots @ Buffalo Bills was the Sunday night game. For those not folllowing, the Patriots are not Goliath. They are the people beating up Goliath and laughing at him. Tom Brady threw another four touchdown passes to Randy Moss for a 35-7 drubbing. Oh, and that was before halftime. The Patriots are 10-0, and the only interesting thing about this season will be who shatters their perfect season. As expected, the starters stayed in the game because Bellichick was panicking the way Lou Holtz used to panic when Notre Dame played Navy. The Patriots then showed why they might be the least classy successful team in sports, with perhaps the exception of the Baltimore Ravens. Up 35-7, with 4th and 1 from the Bills 4, they chose to go for it rather than kick the field goal. Out of the shotgun, Brady threw a touchdown to Ben Watson. At least they did not attempt an onsides kick afterwards. Buffalo kicked a field goal, which must have sent Bellichick into a panic, because he kept throwing. On 4th and 1 from the 10 yard line, Bellichick went for it again, and Brady threw a 2 yard completion to Moss, setting up a touchdown After a defensive touchdown on a fumble return by Ellis Hobbs put the Patriots up 56-10 one minute into the fourth quarter, Brady put on his sweater hat, which might be the only ugly thing about this team outside of the cheating scandal and the running up of the score.

Then again, the same accusations were made about the Ravens, and Super Bowl championships are not revocable. Bacjkup quarterback Matt Cassell came in, and of course threw the ball. On 4th and about two inches from the Buffalo 30, the Patriots did not go for it or attempt a 47 yard field goal. They brought in punter Chris Hanson, perhaps to deflect criticism, or perhaps so people would know who he was. It was the first offensive possession for them that did not result in a touchdown. 56-10 Patriots

Tennessee Titans @ Denver Broncos was the Monday night game. The Titans turned the ball over 3 times. A punt return put Denver up 14-0, and the Titans never got closer than 7 points. Rob Bironas did make a 56 yard field goal, which was even sweeter given that his first attempt, distracted by a last moment timeout by Mike Shanahan (that technique is beyond aggravating) , was no good. The only other drama was when Vince Young was ruled out of bounds at the one yard line even though the replay appeared to be a touchdown. Denver called a timeout, giving Tennessee a chance to review the play, and it became a touchdown. So the Titans received 10 points the hard way. Nevertheless, Young’s last interception killed any chances of a rally. 34-20 Broncos


Warped fake headlines

Saturday, November 17th, 2007

To the detriment of decent society everywhere, I as a blogger am not part of any current writer’s strike.

Somebody once asked me what I would do if I had writers block. Thankfully this almost never happens, but when it does, I can always dip into the vault of my memory bank and pull out the bizarre warped thoughts that make me so special in a “little yellow back of the bus” kind of way.

Fake headlines are more fun anyway. Jack Nicholson reminds me that I “can’t handle the truth!” Stephen Colbert has a fake news show. “The Onion” has brilliant fake headlines.

My favorite fake headlines came in an episode of “Newhart” back in the 1980s. Desperate to increase ratings, the sleazy character played by Peter Scolari came up with fake news headlines to attract viewers.

“President dead, details at 11.” It was a documentary on Calvin Coolidge.

“GM cars being recalled. Details at 11.” There was an old guy reminiscing. “I recall when I bought my GM truck back in 1972. It was blue.”

I think of fake headlines because I wonder what screws came loose to cause me to think about this stuff. Anyway, here are some fake news stories. Unlike CBS memos, they are not “fake but accurate.” They are fake and inaccurate. Unlike the slogan for Fox News, I remain, “Fair, but completely unbalanced (in more ways than one).”

I don’t care what anybody says. Anita Hill was lying. She did not get sexually harassed by Isaiah Thomas. It is one thing to blame him for the Knicks being a terrible franchise, but why can’t Miss Hill mind her own d@mn business? For all you doubting Thomases out there, I am not doubting the Thomases. Clarence was innocent of harassing Ms. Hill, and so is Isaiah. Additionally, so is Susan Thomases, although given her affiliation with the Clinton campaign, she knows somebody who harassed somebody.

I know all about Dick Cheney’s hunting trip, and it is not true. He did not shoot Dan Quayle. I know politics is rough, and primaries can get vicious, but neither of them are running for President this year, and there was plenty of room for both of them to be Vice President, just not at the same time. He did not shoot Mr. Quayle, stuff him into a bag, and deliver him home for dinner. Mr. Cheney is not a cannibal, and Mr. Quayle is perfectly fine. The fact that he is not in the news lately is because unlike some politicians who refuse to go away, he is married to a hot woman, and now has time for quiet time with her.

Despite having perfect hair, Presidential Candidate John Edwards does not speak to the dead. Yes, as a trial lawyer, he pretended to speak to dead victims to win large awards and bankrupt hospitals. However, the closest he has come to speaking to the stiffs are his conversations with Al Gore and John Kerry. In even more disturbing news, the other John Edwards does not have perfect hair.

O.J. Simpson is not a fan of Guns n Roses, and they could care less of him. Yes, the guitarist is Slash, and he does slash and burn, but only with his guitar. The only thing he has ever killed is his own body, and usually in the form of violent hard drinking. Both of these men had autobiographies get prepared recently, but only Slash made it to the marketplace.

Despite George Clooney being one of the scariest people on Earth, the man who put the looney in Clooney, he is not in the same situation as psycho Norman Bates. While Norman Bates and his mother were the same person, George and Rosemary are two different people. Rosemary may have had girth, but her proportions were miniscule compared to George’s ego. In other left wing news about irrelevant liberals, Olympia and Michael Dukakis are not the same person either. As awful as he was as the governor of Taxachussetts, he never did anything as wretchedly bad as Steel Magnolias. In all fairness, Olympia only gets 17-20% of the blame for that movie. Given that he lost the election 20 years ago, this joke is as outdated as a Fried Green Tomato.

Barry Bonds’s middle name is not “bail.” He is absolutely not opening up a bail shop for other sports felons known as “Bonds’s Bonds.” While he does have an interesting storyline, it is not true that this is a sad day for baseball because baseball has a much sadder storyline, that being that the game of baseball itself is incredibly boring. Also, it is a complete lie that in an effort to promote racial healing, Dog the Bounty Hunter will be pursuing Barry Bonds.

Michael Jordan will not be changing his initials or giving himself a middle name to avoid having the same initials as Michael Jackson or Marion Jones. Jordan is the original MJ, and as of now he has not been accused of doping up young children and then molesting them. It is an outrage that just because he played on a team with Dennis Rodman that he has to be treated as a drain on society.

General David Petraeus is not doing product endorsements for Viagra, and he resents his wife being interviewed and asked if “the surge is working” since he started medicating. The man is trying to win the War on Terror, and if you were surrounded by terrorists who think goats are life partners, you would miss your wife more than normal as well.

Former NBA basketball player Kerry Kittles may have the most adorable name in all of sports (With Kelly Tripucka being the most grossly named), he is not doing product endorsements for “Hello Kitty” products. He has not appeared on any merchandise with a cute little duck known as “Ahiru No Pekkle.” Also, he did not get the prized cat food endorsement that some athletes crave. Therefore, he did not earn the nickname of Kerry “Tender Vittles” Kittles.

Lastly, just because I am a republican willing to cross party lines to get some 13th century style loving does not mean I ever tried to take a backhand to Hillary’s badonkadonk. I never tapped it, slapped it, wrapped it, or zapped it, and despite rumors to the contrary, I bet Bill Clinton did. After all, they have a daughter. Also, while Christie Hefner is politically left wing, she does not put older bottoms ahead of the bottom line, regardless of political affiliation. That is why republican Shannon Doherty posed for playboy, while Hil-Dawg remains a Larry Craig fantasy, with toe tapping being one step on the path to hide slapping.

No, I did not mail it in, even though the post office was open today. I emailed it in. I would apologize for this column, but rumors have it that if I apologized for every column that was disappointing, I would have no columns. Of course, that is false as well. Like a blinking VCR, I am sure I wrote something intelligent somewhere at some point.


Sesame Street Debate

Friday, November 16th, 2007

A bunch of children argued about nonsense in a childish manner.

Yes, the Demagoguic Party had a debate, and the only adults speaking were the moderators, and on occasion, Joe Biden.

The moderators, while civil, were gutless, refusing to bring up the issue of Hillary planting questioners.

John Edwards was less childish than his opponents. Hillary survived, and Obama crashed and burned in the same way Hillary did in the previous debate. This was the night where Obama showed what a lightweight he is.

It is time for some hard truths that are going to tick people off. Part of equality is having the courage to tell somebody that they are not up to snuff, even if they are a minority. Now I know guilty white liberals are scared to death of criticizing anybody black because, after all, that would mean a visit from Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, complete with contrition.

Barack Obama is an empty suit. Period. If he was 100% caucasian he would be John Edwards, and as much as it pains me to say, John Edwards looks like a man fo substance next to Obama.

No, it is not racism to criticize someone who happens to be partially black. True equality means basing people on merit if they have been given an equal shot. Barack Obama had an equal shot in this debate, and he had zero substance.

The candidates, when not saying zilch, found time to naive. Here is the recap of the Sesame Street Debate.

Whena sked about the politics of parsing, Hillary announced that she was tested and ready to lead. She did not say how or why, or what that has to do with parsing words. Obama said that Hillary, in essence, is a doubletalker, and in one of the only times all night, gave specific examples of issues. Hillary said that Obama did not step on universal health care, and stated that “Republicans are the enemy we are against.”

I thought the enemy was Al Queda and other terrorist nations. Republicans are not Hillary’s opponents. They are her enemy.

Yet Hillary had Obama in a daze, and he fumbled around. She decked him, and he staggered.

When Edwards said the issue was trust, and brought up issues Hillary has straddled, from Iran and Iraq to social security, Hillary pulled the girl girl routine and claimed she was being personally attacked.

Hillary is simply brilliant. The very things she was accused of, she did, and she got away with it. The nomination is hers, the rest is a formality. The debate should have been canceled after that.

Biden said it was about action not words, and he has acted over his career.

The next question dealt with John Edwards’s flip flops, pretty much inoculating Hillary from now on. He said Hillary flip flopped on Trade deals, why he “learned” and “grew.” Dodd said the debate was shrill, and Richardson said he wanted a positive race.

On the issue of illegal immigrants getting driver’s licenses, Obama self-destructed. Anybody liberal whoever bashed Dan Quayle should superimpose Obama on a deer caught in headlights. Hillary has bashed in the press for her being unable to answer the question, and with two weeks to prepare, she had a one word answer…”no.” It did not matter that it took weeks to come to that calculation after Eliot Spitzer gave up. Hillary looked decisive on stage. Obama blamed President Bush, talked about letting in “light, not heat,” and mentioned In n Out Burger for some reason.

Edwards said no, but that we need comprehensive immigration reform, a fair enough point.Chris Dodd said no, Clinton said no, and attention was nowhere near her as Obama then finally ended up saying yes. Dennis Kucinich said no, and Bill Richardson said yes. I disagree with Richardson, but he was unequivocal in taking an unpopular stand, and I give him credit for having some guts. Kucinich insisted there were no illegal immigrants at all.

The next issue was merit pay for teachers, and standing up to teachers’ unions. Dodd incredulously responded that going into bad neighborhoods and teaching counted as merit, while actual results was not considered merit. Huh? I guess it depends on what merit means. He also wanted an entire debate only on education. Kucinich had zero disagreements with unions, and Richardson wants a $40,000 minimum salary for teachers and pre-school for all children. How to pay for this was left out. His other idea was sound, trading one year of national service for two years free college, provided he can pay for it. Biden ducked by saying it was impossible to decide who makes the decision. Mr Biden has not been in the private sector in awhile, or he would know what a supervisor is.

Hillary said school is a team, and that we should reward collaboration, and allowing schools to get merit pay. When asked about some teachers being better than others, Hillary said we should weed out bad teachers, as if that could ever happen. Folks, this is socialism, pure and simple. She does not believe in individual merit.

On Pakistan, Biden said we should take away aid to Pakistan if Musharraf does not step down. Biden is usually a grownup, but missed out on this one. Yet Richardson went crazy (in a calm manner) by saying that human rights was more important than national security. Edwards wants to rid the world of nuclear weapons. Dodd babbled before finally stating that national security was more important. Obama rambled and never answered the question, which means he would be good on the war on drugs as since he might see having any substance as illegal. Hillary said national security was more important, and meandered about knowing how to navigate, navigating pretty well herself.

When asked if the surge was working, Richardson said one American death was too many. Richardson and Kucinich both said no, with Kucinich saying we violated international law and that U.S. aggression created the current turmoil in Pakistan. Obama again could not answer the question, saying the overall strategy failed.

A bizarre question was asked about whether those who had voted for free trade had blood on their hands for the death of children due to defective Chinese toys. None of the candidates had the courage to express bewilderment at such a bizarre stretch.

Kucinich said yes, Edwards said free trade was a complete disaster while Waffling on China and WTO. Whena sked if Ross Perot was right, Hillary dodged and weaved, but very effectively, She brought up actual issues such as pet food and medical components. However, she then said she wanted independent investigations on everything coming in here. She refused to say NAFTA was wrong, only that it “did not deliver.” I am still interpreting that Clintonspeak.

Dodd said that Hillary waffled on Peru trade deal due to polling. Obama said he was ok with a Peru deal, just not CAFTA or a South Korea deal. I am sure he has his reasons. Biden blamed President Bush.

Given that the debate was in Nevada, a major issue is where to store nuclear waste, with the Yucca Mountains being a proposed site. The people of Nevada are obviously opposed to this. A simple question was asked…if not Nevada…where?

Obama said we need to develop a storage site, a complete lack of an answer. He then said the issue requires bold leadership, which according to him means declaring hopeful platitudes in a pleasant voice. Richardson said we should turn Yucca into a national laboratory, which means something to someone.

Asked if she was exploiting her gender, which she did well in the first round of this debate, Hillary said she was playing the “winner card,” and that she was being attacked because she was winning. When asked about her comments in Wellesley about a “Boys Club,” Hillary refused to elaborate. Edwards was booed when pointing out that Hillary takes money from lobbyists.

The questions from the audience were designed to stoke emotions and ignore facts. A question from a mother and her soldier son who were both against the war were not balanced with those of anyone in favor of the war. These people do exist.

The question asked how war with Iran could be prevented. Biden suggested we impeach President Bush if he starts a war with Iran. Hillary said the President had no legal authority to go to war, even though she gave it to him. It reminded me of Al Gore talking about “no controlling legal authority.” SHe also spoke about “aggressive diplomacy,” whatever that means. She stunned me when she said that Iran would not be required to give up its pursuit of nuclear weapons. Edwards blamed Neocons, and stated that the Iranian Revolutionary Guard was not a terrorist organization. Obama said absolutely nothing, although he did to his credit say his missing the crucial vote was a mistake.

When asked why soldiers make $30k while corporate contractors make $100k, Richardson said he would pull everybody out, including the contractors.

Asked about racial profiling, Edwards said no to that as well as torture and Gitmo. Kucinich said he voted against the Patriot Act because he actually read it, eliciting laughs. Biden offered some integrity by saying that nothing in the Pariot Act allows for profiling. He said that while he voted to close Gitmo three years ago, the issue is what to do now, which nobody else was addressing.

When asked whether or not terrorism and illegal immigration were in any way related, nobody had the guts to answer either way. Dodd spoke Spanish, wants some of the border fence, but not all of it. Richardson blamed the Federal government, and offered a four part plan that was not related to the question directly.

When asked about how to keep social security and medicare solvent, Obama offered nothing except controlling costs by having universal health care, a bzarre idea of solving a government boondoggle with an even bigger boondoggle. Hillary wants a bipartisan commission like 1983, but the difference is that in 1983 Reagan and Tip O’Neill actually could work together. They trusted each other. Hillary does not have the trust of republicans, and why should they trust her, since they are the enemy?

WHen asked about a pro-choice litmus test for Supreme Court Justices, they all said yes. Hillary stated that President Bush does not understand how government works. Of course, she does.Richardson believes diversity is the primary concern of the court. I thought it was who had fine legal minds. Biden promised the next justice would be a woman. Dodd initially said no to litmus tests, but that the judges could not overturn Roe vs Wade. It depends what the meaning of litmus tests are.

Biden sometimes offered adult solutions, and Edwards was booed for being right. They finished first and second respectively. Hillary survived, which was good enough. She stopped the bleeding. Obama was a mess. Discussing the others would infer there is a reason to do so.

The republicans won this debate by default. The democrats remain the party of McGovern, Mondale, Dukakis and Kerry.

I pray Al Queda was too busy trying to murder us to watch this debate, because if this does not embolden them, nothing will.

Hillary is a woman, Obama is black, Richardson is Mexican, and Edwards has a nice smile.

Diversity is great in a children’s playground, which this was. They are against merit, because none of them have any. If they do, they keep it hidden.

Enough Sesame Street. The republican adults will debate soon enough.


Turning into Lou Dobbs

Thursday, November 15th, 2007

One issue that I do not touch on my blog is the issue of illegal immigration. I also do not deal with illegal immigration’s sister issue, outsourcing.

I stay out of this contentious fight over Americans and jobs because it is one that splits the republican party, and I prefer to focus on issues that unite republicans, such as taxes and the War on Terror. Also, at the risk of enraging many (if you’re not enraged by now you died a couple years ago and nobody told you), I just can’t force myself to normally care.

People who obsess about the borders cannot understand how I don’t care, but I simply cannot force myself to feel passion about something that does not bother me. That does not mean I think they are wrong. It just means it is not my primary fight. People who obsess about abortion or global warming…in fact, activists in general…do not understand that many people just do not care about their pet cause. The rebuttal is that their issue “is of vital importance.” Everybody feels their issue supersedes what others worry about.

So normally I do not obsess about illegal immigration and outsourcing, because the Mexicans did not blow up the towers. Besides, The Florida border is vulnerable to Cubans, who vote republican. The only Cuban I know who seems to vote differently is Mark Cuban, and he is here legally. The real Florida threat is from South Carolina, where New York liberals keep coming unchecked, determined to screw up Florida as they did New York. Arizona is under siege from native California liberals, and we do nothing.

Yet despite my normally being fairly blase on this issue, two events lately have me turning into the evil twin of Lou Dobbs.

For those who do not know, Lou Dobbs used to be the head of a CNN program called “Moneyline,” where he spoke about financial markets. Fox News did not exist at the time, and his program was intelligent, insightful, and must see tv for young stockbrokers like myself. However, the current Lou Dobbs is a raging populist who rails against illegal immigration and outsourcing.

First of all, being against illegal immigration does not make one a racist or a brownbasher. Wanting to defend the border is a legitimate concern. Some people on this issue are racists, but not the majority. Also, not being obsessed with this issue does not make one an open borders amnesty loving liberal, as some right wingers have called me. Me, a liberal…ummm…no. Respectful people can disagree on how serious this issue is in a civilized manner.

Yet I am on the verge of being uncivilized. Today I got to a point where I wanted to get rid of all foreigners. The moment passed, but for about 30 minutes, I wanted everybody who did not speak perfect English in an American accent to get out of my existence.

Yes folks, two separate incidents put me in the Dobbsian corner.

First of all, when I ask for “no tomato” on a burger,” I mean no tomato!

I hate tomatoes. I hate them less than Al Queda, but I hate them. I hate the seeds, and I hate the way the whole tomato slice comes out when I try to only bite one piece. I do not care what nation you are from, if you mess up my lunch I detest you and your lineage. If you are a white male, you get no slack on this matter.

If I was allergic to tomatoes, you could be killing me. It is not my responsibility to struggle to understand you. You are in America. You will speak clearly, and you will grasp that I do not want that red monstrosity on my burger. I do not care if you are a limey with an aristocratic accent saying “tomahto,” but I want to call the whole thing off on your existence the next time you mess with my taste buds.

I can survive one bad lunch, but if you mess with my financial well being, I want you to be violated by a goat, unless you are from a country that enjoys that, at which point I want you waterboarded. This is directed at people in call centers that think they understand me. Delta Airlines has a call center in India and a call center in Texas. I have zero problems with the people in Texas.

First of all, I have a deep respect for the Indian people. They are bright people. The ones in America are as close to the best and brightest as anybody else in this world. I refuse to accept that they are related to the people who work in overseas call centers. If Americans can have recessive genes in the form of liberals, even India, a nation of one billion people, can have several thousand incompetents.

If you pick vegetables, you do not need an MBA. However, I want my heart surgeon to know a few factoids or more. I want MENSA bright. If people are handling my money, they had better know what is going on.

My credit card company has outsourced their call center tasks to people in India, and today I almost screamed into the telephone my love for Pakistan, and that Pakistan deserves Kashmir.

Ok, I overreacted. I am human. Yet my credit card was blocked. I asked them to unblock it, insisting that there was no fraud on the card. The charges I made were mine, and I accepted them. Yet they could not figure out why the purchase I was trying to make online still would not go through.

I repeatedly asked the guy a yes or no question. “Is my card now unblocked?”

He said it was an issue of fraud and…

“Sir, it’s a yes or no question, is my card unblocked?”

After several minutes of this, he explained that while the card was unblocked, it could not be used the way I was using it.

The way I was using it? The way I had always used it? Did this guy work for the Hillary Clinton campaign? Was he for unblocking my card or against it? Unlike Hillary, he was allowed to send me to his supervisor.

After almost an hour, they asked me again to confirm my address.

“Eric Tiger, 123 Main Street, # 111, Los Angeles, CA 90000.”

They asked me if I was in an apartment. I again stated I was in # 111. They asked if I meant Apartment 111. I said yes, # 111. They finally explained that because my card says “Apt” instead of using the # sign, I have to type in “Apt” instead of “#.”

I could not make this up if I tried. Blvd is not the same as Blvd. with a dot on the end. Street is not the same as St. abbreviated.

Have we really gotten to the point where an hour of my life I will never get back hinges on somebody unable to understand that their own computer needs to be shot and replaced with a dolphin, who according to animal rights activists, are capable of logical reasoning?

This transaction should have taken 60 seconds, not 60 minutes. I could have been stranded on the highway somewhere, while this company kept telling me everything was fine and that I should understand their lack of an intelligible explanation.

I had a six week war with Earthlink and their call center in India when my DSL was not working and they could not figure out the problem, insisting it was on my end. I was truly ready to beg Pervez Musharraf to unload his nuclear weapons on India, and am thankful I was not a blogger at the time.

I remember once calling one airline and getting a guy who spoke perfect English. I replied, “Wait, you’re not from India.” He laughed and said, “Oh, you went to Delta. Yeah, I understand you.”

All I ask is that my right to exist not be infringed. On a macro level, this means do not fly a plane into towers. On a micro level I want to come home, watch tv, surf the internet, and eat my dinner. Unlike my request that Elizabeth Hurley show up naked, declare she is Jewish, and spend the night fanning me and dropping grapes into my mouth, my other requests are reasonable.

I do not hate immigrants. I do not hate foreigners. I hate people who contribute to the decline of my well being. To quote an ex girlfriend who had bohemian overtones, I can’t stand people who “harsh my mellow.”

So am I going to join the Lou Dobbs army and take up arms at the border? No. I am selfish. My gripes are selfish, and they are overruled by my positive view of some immigrants for equally selfish reasons.

Some people want to keep Hispanic people from reaching American shores. If you are male, you should be reported to INS immediately. If you are female, between 18 and 36, and from Cuba, Mexico, Caracas, Venezuela, or any other nation where even the average women are hot, I want you imported here en masse. I know a Guatamalen masseuse who calls me “poppy.” Actually, it is more like, “ayyy, Popppeeeeee.” Anyone who tries to deport women like this will get a fist full of me (unless they are bigger than me, at which point we can negotiate). No, “fist full of me” is not an innuendo, take it literally so my mom does not throttle me when she reads this.

Some of the best people in this country came from elsewhere. Maria Conchita Alonso still looks good, but go back 20 years…my lord, bring her whole village over!

The problem is when worlds collide. What if a gorgeous Latina masseuse messes up my lunch order? I mean as much as I hate tomatoes, if she forces me to eat the burger off her belly I will be too busy to notice that awful vegetable. I will be more concerned with animal (myself) than vegetable.

So yes, I take illegal immigration and outsourcing seriously. I just cannot solve every problem. I really am better at helping others when I am happy, so taking care of me should come first.

So yes, California has been wrecked, but it is not the Mexicans destroying this place. After all, as of now, they cannot vote. unfortunately, people in San Francisco can. Perhaps we can do an exchange similar to Al Bore’s carbon offsets. For every illegal alien caught, we deport one liberal democrat. Many of them are wealthy, so perhaps Mexico would accept them until they started speaking.

I guess I can be more tolerant of others. At least until somebody gives me tomatoes when I ask for potatoes. Who the heck gets a side order of tomatoes with a steak anyway?

Besides, the real threat is from Canada anyway. How can Mexicans sneak across? They look different. They are a different color. Canadians look like Americans. If anybody can sneak across and blend in, it is the scourge of the north.

Somebody call Lou Dobbs and let him know that the local cafe is serving Canadian bacon.

I want American bacon. Sheesh! Next thing you know I will get French toast and Belgian waffles with my All American Meal.

Oh, and my dad is a Holocaust survivor, so no more German Shepherds as pets.

There. Now I can sleep peacefully, on my comfy bedspread, bought on Ebay from my home in America, from a firm located in…well…never mind. It is a comfy bedspread.


Calculating, Obfuscating, Triangulating…Enough Hillary!

Wednesday, November 14th, 2007

Enough with Hillary. Enough with the lying. Enough with the blame game. Enough with the scorched Earth tactics. Enough with the trying to be everything to everybody.

Hillary…please…just go away.

I am tired of you already. I am tired of the fact that you deck the boys between the eyes, and then pull the girly girl routine the moment anybody dares to hit back.

Can anybody imagine Margaret Thatcher behaving this way? Benazir Bhutto is fighting against people who want to have her detained to her home, or worse, murdered by a car bomb. The toughest challenge Hillary will face in this election is a tough question.

It seems that is too much for her. Now it has been proven that Hillary cannot handle unscripted questions from known softball interviewers like Larry King. Now she needs to preselect the questioners in advance. Even worse, she needs to pretend that these are spontaneous questions.

The purpose of townhall meetings are to get to know the voters. What explanation can be given for this type of charade except that Hillary simply is not interested in hearing what the voters have to say?

How can Hillary expect to deal with world leaders such as Armageddonijad if she is scared to death of the voters?

Hillary, are you for it, or against it?

What issue, some of you may ask?

Any issue.

In 1992, President Bush 41 favored NAFTA, and Ross Perot was against it. Bill Clinton was all over the map. The same was true with his Gulf War position. Yet this was 1992, when the economy was paramount, and voters wanted change.

We are at war, and all Hillary offers us is calculating, obfuscating, and triangulating. For the love of all things holy, just take some stands woman! Risk ticking people off.

Some people think that I should abandon the current President Bush’s position on the Iraq War because his poll numbers are low. So what? I agree with his position. Actually, with all due respect to the President, he agrees with my position. I don’t care if I am the last man standing next to the President on this issue. I believe he is right.

As for Hillary, she has to start taking clear stands. Some issues are black and white.

Does she favor waterboarding or not? Is she willing to confiscate the profits of oil companies? Will she raise taxes? Where is she on the idea of giving illegal immigrants drivers licenses?

Hillary, every answer will be a right answer and a wrong answer. Yet no answer is the worst possible answer, because it reinforces the notion that you are, as William Safire said, a “congenital liar.” Of course, the response to that very accurate accusation was to have your husband, through his press secretary no less, threaten to punch Mr. Safire in the nose. Pathetic, simply pathetic.

Here are four examples of taking potentially unpopular positions, none of which have caused any long term damage.

1) John McCain is against waterboarding, favored a softer illegal immigration stance than others, and was behind a horrible campaign finance law that allowed your husband and his Vice President to break the law in 1996. He is still in the race, and his “straight talk” earns the respect of those who disagree with him. Also, when he got caught in the Keating 5 scandal, he took the blame. As for the war, he wanted a full scale escalation when the American people wanted out. He would rather lose an election than a war. That is called honor, and he is loaded with it.

2) Fred Thompson supported the campaign finance reform law as well. He apologized, and called it a terrible mistake. He also, in front of a Jewish audience, refused to even consider clemency for convicted Israeli spy Jonathan Pollard. He could have pandered, but he was unequivocal in his denunciation of a many who spied against America.

3) Rudy Giuliani supports abortion rights. Yet rather than pander, he stated he would be respectful of those who disagreed with him. He just picked up the endorsement of Pat Robertson, which would never have happened had he backpedaled.

4) Mitt Romney has said that we should double Guantanamo Bay. He has stated that all options are on the table with Iran (as have his opponents). Yes, these positions could hurt in a general election, but principles and convictions matter.

I used to think Bill Clinton had no core beliefs. Hillary does have core beliefs, but will not let people see them. She wants to offend nobody, and eke out a narrow victory.

The problem with this strategy is that she will not be able to govern. Her presidency would be a failure because too many people hate her guts. She blames them, but refuses to see that some of it is her own making. She excoriates President Bush, despite the fact that he has been overwhelmingly gracious to her husband, sending him on missions around the globe. It is not about policy. It is about civility and decency. When President Bush gives a speech, Hillary will not smile. She will have that stone cold look on her face, either because she fears the leftinistras will be angry with her if she is seen as kind to the enemy, or worse, because perhaps she truly does hate his guts.

Hillary fails to grasp that her constantly criticizing presidential prerogatives will come back to bite her when she wants those same prerogatives. Can anybody picture a left wing judge getting a fair hearing, even if they are qualified? What about easy confirmations of her cabinet? She wants to hit people with brickbats and then be treated with kid gloves.

Hillary supporters will inevitably fall back on the “everybody does it” defense. No, everybody does not do it. Some people look people in the eye, and tell them what they need to hear, not what they want to hear. Liberals may hate Ronald Reagan, but he remains beloved by an overwhelming majority, many of whom have never been registered republicans. He was sincere. Also, he was self deprecating.

Reagan made fun of his own age. George W. Bush makes fun of his own syntax. Even gadfly Ross Perot in a debate had the crowd rollicking when he said, “I’m all ears.”

Hillary wants to be perfect. She can’t be. She is not God. She needs to be more human, instead of the ice cold android she is criticized for being. She could even say something like, Ok, so I am much behind on the learning curve…yet if there is anything I know about, it is being much behind.”

Yes, a joke about her own rumpus would be a major shock. Yet it would actually humanize her. She does not have to descend into low brow toilet humor, but any humor would help. Most importantly, for humor to work it has to be based on truth. Reagan was old, and Perot did have gigantic ears.

Most importantly, Hillary has to understand that no matter what she does, some will like her and some will dislike her. Disagreeing with her does not make me or anyone else evil.

Imagine if Hillary went into West Virginia and announced she favored more gun control. She would anger gun owners, but they already dislike her. She would be taking a clear stand, and win some votes. Or, she can go to Massachussetts and say she favors less gun control. She just cannot and should not do both. What if she said she would raise taxes, and use those higher taxes to pay for more social programs? This is who she is. It would be honest.

Some say honesty would be political suicide for her, but that means she is too weak to defend her ideas.

The first thing she should do is learn from democratic strategist Flavia Colgan, who declared in an interview that, “I am a proud liberal.”

Hillary calls herself a modern progressive. Hillary, call yourself a liberal, and then justify why that is acceptable. Can Hillary possibly truly believe that all her beliefs are wrong? Of course not. She simply believes enough of the voters think she is wrong. Rather than try to win them over, she chooses to simply restrict the voters.

The same woman who bemoans the secrecy of the current administration has had her entire career based on secrecy, whether it be her failed health care plan, her college thesis, or her position on any policy issue that has less than 60% popular support. Now she needs to plant questions in townhall meetings. She might win the election, but at what cost? The 19 year old girl that was asked to be the political pawn in her chess match of a campaign has said the experience has left her disillusioned about politics and the media. So this is putting people first. Nice.

Hillary, either stand for something…or sit down. Either loudly proclaim who you are…or be quiet and quit bothering us with your nonsense and scandals.

You cannot unite the country behind you, but you can unite it against you. You are too polarizing to win everybody over, but until you stop crying foul, and stop playing dirty, and start showing an ounce of human credibility about anything, you will be relegated to either being a loser on the campaign trail, or a woman unable to govern.

Lady Thatcher is a legend that helped change the world. Lady Clinton would rather change positions, regardless of the worldly consequences.

It is not about male versus female. It is about integrity and leadership versus suspicion and crying and blame. Nixon had his enemies list, and it devoured him. Hillary is on the road to a train wreck, one paranoid mistrustful episode at a time.

Like the cheating husband who is suspicious of his spouse to cover up his own failings, Hillary mistrusts the voters, because she fears…rightfully so…that they mistrust her.


My Most Passionate Fan Base

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

For those who read my blog on a semi regular basis, I competed in the Bloggers Choice Awards for best political blog. I fought the Daily Kossacks, and took them down, finishing in the top three, as Kos finished fourth. Two days after the contest ended, a ton of my votes were invalidated. This was not a left wing conspiracy, but it was in my mind a computer glitch. I asked my audience to make their presence known.

My lord, did you ever!

You sent emails, you made phone calls, and you let the people putting on the Bloggers Choice Awards know that you mattered. This was not about me. It was about each and every one of you.

Two days before the event, I was on the phone with the CEO of the company putting on the awards show. The conversations were civil and cordial, and while there was not 100% agreement, he made it clear that he got the message. He understood that this was controversial. We spoke at length, and a compromise was reached that I was perfectly ok with. I was asked not to disclose the details until after Saturday night, and between NFL Sunday and Veteran’s Day, I held off until today.

Daily Kos did not win the award for best political blog. For this everybody who has a sense of decency can be thankful. Even if all my votes had counted, there is no guarantee I would have been # 1, only that I had defeated the Kossacks. I expected the winner to be a guy named Angry Harry, but although he was the frontrunner the whole time, the second place person stormed to a win. The site is Feministing, a combination between Feminism and Fisting. Hey, they are not delicate flowers. They are the polar opposite of me, but that makes the world goes round. Also, unlike the Kossacks, they do not spread hatred, not even of men.

So Feministing won for best political blog…but I won as well. The person behind the Bloggers Choice Awards felt giving me the political award would not be fair, and plus, I did not want a tainted award. I wanted an award I had earned. Therefore, he explained to me that with complete credibility that THE TYGRRRR EXPRESS IS THE 2007 BLOGGERS CHOICE AWARDS WINNER FOR “MOST PASSIONATE FAN BASE.”

I won this award, and I earned it BECAUSE OF YOU.

I am the least humble guy you will ever encounter. I have the grace and subtlety of a battering ram. Yet some of you were ready to engage in guerilla warfare, and I am humbled by that.

I am thankful to guys like Mickey and Jersey. These two guys could not be more different, but they enhance the debate on my blog, and they are both good guys, and hopefully will agree with me on this point regarding each other.

Snooper, Spree and others have constantly encouraged me. Chad at the Grizzly Groundswell has been great, as has Vontwiss at Stumbleupon. So have the guys behind Justblogbaby. Pastor Ed of Boston was inspirational.

Sometimes my fans even get angry with me when I refuse to write about certain topics. Yet my fans are honest, and absolutely passionate about the issues they care about.

I am glad this controversy is done, because I am not a politician, and asking people to vote for me makes me uncomfortable. Heck, every minute I spent on websites meeting new people for the purpose of politics was time spent away from Jdate and romance. I have other controversies to start and other people to inflame.

I have a fabulous life, and win or lose, this experience made me a ton of new friends. I am eternally grateful. Some liberals even voted for me not because they agreed with me, but because they liked my writing style.

So what happens next? I continue to write, and with help from God, write well.

Besides, how many conservative republicans express unhealthy fantasies about octogenarians (Bea Arthur) and 300 pound black women (Monique from Showtime at the Apollo)?

How many conservative republicans know what a “badonkadonk” is, and badly want to grab it? I may disagree with Hillary politically, but with those pantsuits, I might cross panty lines…I mean party lines…if she was younger, single, and still had the chunk in the trunk. Also, how many conservative republicans will explain what it means to give a desired lady the ketchup bottle treatment?

So yes, my parents have to frequently change their last names and addresses, but of all the conservative republican blogs out there, I am one of the only ones, if not the only one, that will publicly express that being conservative politically is perfectly compatible with being liberal sexually. I believe in low taxes, winning the War on Terror, and want to make republican Jewish republican brunettes explode in a manner consistent with sexual Fallujah.

Hey, how many conservative republicans have ever mentioned sexual Fallujah?

I write my column because I have screws loose. You read my column because you have screws loose. Being the very best political blog is nice, but having the most passionate fan base is an honor, letting me know I am not alone in this world. Other people are as brilliantly warped as I am, and they share it with me on a daily basis.

My other goal for 2008 with regards to my blog is to grow my readership, and my fan base. Yet growth does not equal passion. It is the passion that counts.

So I will say it one more time because it feels good, and then I will get over myself.


ALL HAIL ME. I REIGN SUPREME (well, below God, most elderly people, most people doing volunteer work, and according to many, a ton of bloggers)!

Thank you all. I won because of you.

Let us enjoy this day. Tomorrow it is back to the real work of quality blogging about the NFL, and of course, hard core politics. Time to get ultra serious.

Now to see if this award allows to me to film a “republican Jewish brunettes gone wild” video in my living room. After all, what is a trophy without trophy women?


Those who praise the troops need to listen to them

Monday, November 12th, 2007

To all those who serve, I wish you a Happy Veteran’s Day.

To those who previously served, thank you, and welcome home.

To my father, a veteran, I wish you a peaceful day, and good health always.

To those who will be singing the praises of the troops, I want you to listen to them first. Put your own agenda aside for one day and just listen to what those you claim to support are saying.

My prediction is that the left, especially those running for President, will fail to simply let the solemn day go without running their opinionated mouths. Consider this column a pre-emptive strike.

So why will the left refuse to keep quiet and show some respect? Because they can’t. People who believe they are morally superior do not see the need to show respect of others they consider beneath them.

They can’t do it on July 4th. They can’t do it on 9/11. They can’t do it on Memorial Day, and they won’t do it on Veteran’s day.

The far left lunatic fringe will use the day to condemn baby killers, Fascists, war mongers, and blood for oil. Hillary, Obama and Edwards will take carefully triangulated steps to distance themselves from the most hateful of the remarks while expressing an understanding of why the haters feel their hatred, all the while supporting the troops.

At least the haters are sincere. They admit their contempt for everything decent and right in this world. The trio of insincerity trying to command soldiers want to support the troops without listening to those troops.

I challenge Americans everywhere to meet soldiers and ask their opinions. Listen to those opinions. No individual needs to be followed blindly, but if enough soldiers keep saying the same thing, their messages need to be heeded.

The troops believe in what they are doing. They believe we are winning in Iraq, and that things are getting better. They keep saying the Iraqi people appreciate their help. They do the hard work, and all they ask is that people support them, or at least, listen to them.

It is not possible to support the troops while condemning their mission, because they believe in their mission. Many soldiers are apolitical, but they will not respect people who pretend to support them while knifing them in the same speech.

Our nation succeeds because our military is under the control of our civilians. Bill Clinton was obeyed, but he was not respected. He was seen as a draft dodger who “loathed the military.” How can anyone respect another person who expresses a loathing towards them? Bill Clinton never apologized for that remark.

Hillary Clinton has wanted to be President since she was an angry young feminist. She has done everything publicly to backpedal from her anti-military stance. She joined the Armed Services Committee, where she “worked hard,” which is code for spending three days a week minding her manners and not offending people. In all fairness, that does not make her any less useless than any other senator that fails to anger everybody.

Yet Hillary needs to understand that her constant carping will come back to hurt her if she becomes President because she will have to lead the very people who keep expressing views that contradict her misinformed notions about the military. It is not that she is evil. It is that she simply does not know what she is talking about, in the same way I am not qualified to be a plumber or a carpenter.

Those who want to support the troops by bringing them home should simply ask the troops how they feel about this. Any boss, whether a CEO or a coach, needs to listen to feedback. So what can be construed as feedback?

For one, elections are feedback. George W. Bush won 75% of the military vote. These are secret ballots. Nobody forced soldiers to do this. The democratic nominee served his country, but he did not listen to what soldiers were saying. He talked at them, not with them. The Swift Boat Veterans were seen as republican operatives, but the lead Swift Boat people were democrats. They were not Pro-Bush. They were anti-Kerry because they believed he would be disastrous for the military.

I have never claimed that liberals hate America. I have never attacked their patriotism. I have said that on military matters, they simply have tin ears. Their minds are made up, and their positions are predetermined. They express how badly the war is going despite evidence that this is not the case. Liberals get their information from the Jayson Blair Times. They need to get their information from those with boots on the ground.

I have met soldiers in many cities ranging from Honolulu to San San Diego, and throughout America. Yes, some express displeasure, but the number is overwhelmingly minor. My sample size is large enough to establish credibility. The soldiers see steady progress. Why should we not believe them?

Some feel that military service is required to be President. Ronald Reagan is proof that this is not the case. However, hostility towards the military should be a disqualification. In 1992 it was the economy, but this is a post 9/11 world.

Hillary needs to come clean. She needs to make public her college thesis. If it is d@mning, she needs to state if she stands by it, or if she was young and naive. She needs to state if she would lift the ban on gays in the military. Whether she does or not is irrelevant. The military needs to know what she believes so she can be honestly gauged.

The members of our military are fighting and dying so we can be free. They expect our gratitude, and yes, they are entitled to it. We can and should question what our military is doing, but we have to know what we are talking about.

We cannot put Abu Gharaib, Haditha and Guantanamo Bay on the same level as what our enemies are doing. We cannot accuse our troops of going door to door and raping and murdering innocent civilians. We cannot accuse our troops of torturing people when those who use the word torture really mean waterboarding. Waterboarding has only been done to three people, one of them Khalid Sheik Mohammed. It is not now considered torture.

Those who continue to use the left side of their mouths to criticize the military while using the right side to praise it are not fooling the troops. Does anybody think battle tested defenders who captured Saddam Hussein are not bright enough to cut through liberal presidential doublespeak?

Frustration with the war allowed the Pelosiraptor to take over the House. Yet President Bush did something that the Pelosiraptor would not do. He listened. He installed General David Petraeus, one of the brightest men to ever wear the uniform. A legitimate argument can be made over whether or not the President took too long to make the change. What cannot be disputed is he made the change, and the soldiers are pleased with the current direction of events.

Actually it can be disputed, but by those who let emotions trump facts.

For those who truly want to earn the votes and respect of the troops, stop patronizing them. Let them tell you what they need, and how they feel, and then decide if what they are saying is reasonable. The troops know what they are talking about. They have been there, and are still there. They are not concerned with short term presidential elections. They are concerned with long term American survival, and they have been fabulous about this since 1776.

I do not know everything about the military…far from it. I also do not know how to figure out my satellite dish setup. I ask people who do know, and have been much better off when listening to those wiser than me. Just ask my auto mechanic what happens when I fail to heed his wisdom.

May God Bless the troops. I wish you a peaceful Veteran’s Day. I honor your missions, and badly want you to succeed.

I would shake every one of your hands if I could, and if you disagree with me, you bet you will have my attentive ear. I will still shake your hand.

May God Bless every American that has ever worn the uniform.

Again for all of you…thank you very much, and a hero’s welcome home.