THE TYGRRRR EXPRESS

The Top 120 Political Yummy Bouncies of 2023

Welcome to Summer. Every June 21st, I release my list of the Top 30 women in politics. This list was originally known as the Top 120 political yummy bouncies. Anyway, this is a bare bones list. You can Google the photos yourself. The top 10 liberals, centrists and conservatives are listed for your viewing pleasure. I threw in one major curveball due to the changing times. 

Here are the Top 30 hottest women in politics

Liberals:

10.) Kim Foxx — The Cook County, Illinois State’s Attorney is basically the Chicago District Attorney. With encouragement from Michelle Obama, Foxx helped rig the Jussie Smollett situation in favor of him. Her scheme to undercut her own office unraveled, but it takes much more than corruption to imprison a Chicago Democrat. She recently beat up her husband, but do not expect her to face consequences. She announced that she is not running again in 2024, but her refusal to resign allows her to help destroy her city for another 18 months.

9.) Brianna Keilar — This leftist radical who calls Republicans “a-holes” was thought to be on the chopping block at CNN. Chris Licht was brought in to turn CNN into a network of normal human beings. Instead, Licht was fired and the radicals won. With CNN returning to its most recent roots as a hard left network, Keilar is safe as can be. She would rank higher but only 12 people watch CNN. 

8.) Marianne Williamson — The love guru and former presidential candidate is engaging in another quixotic quest. Normally, people with zero chance of winning do so to make money. Williamson already has millions of dollars from ales of her self-help love products and services. Perhaps she is just bored. She would rank higher if the Democrat nomination was not rigged against her. 

7.) Ketanji Brown Jackson — This Supreme Court Justice does not even know what a woman is. Yet legally, she is one. She might even self-identify as one. She has a lifetime appointment to help shape policy. She would rank higher, but she is one of three leftists often outvoted by six conservatives. While she occasionally sees a couple of the conservatives get bullied into moderation, she usually loses those battles. Her impact on policy will be minimal until she moves the court in her direction. 

6.) Gretchen Whitmer — She locked down her state of Michigan with draconian Covid restrictions that she and her husband openly disobeyed. She bashed Florida during Covid while secretly visiting the state. Somehow, she managed to get reelected. She is future presidential candidate only because Michigan is a swing state and Democrats have abandoned all pretenses of moderation.

5.) Kathy Hochul — The failed New York Governor was initially appointed when Democrats forced out the more moderate Andrew Cuomo over a few cases of grab-@ss. Hochul is a radical leftist who was elected to a full term by the skin of her teeth. Her arrogance cost Democrats five congressional seats and control of Congress. Her total failure at everything makes her a perfect future Democrat presidential candidate. 

4.) Eva Longoria — The Eva Longoria rule is simple. When this Desperate Housewives intentionally says or does anything political, she automatically tops the list. This year she is on the list but not at the top because her actions were unintentional. President Joe Biden tried to grope her in full public view. She pushed his hands off of her body. Don’t expect her to show any self-respect beyond that. She will likely make excuses for his behavior and campaign for his reelection. Inadvertantly exposing more hypocrisy in the #MeToo movement puts her on the list, but not at the top. 

3.) Dylan Mulvaney — Nobody knows who or what this he/she/it actually is. Yet Mulvaney deserves credit for taking one of the most respected businesses in American history and destroying it. Anheiser-Busch, maker of Budweiser and Bud Light, did everything right for over 100 years. Then they went woke and set billions of dollars in revenue on fire. While Mulvaney’s impact on American culture is corrosive and destructive, no publicity is bad publicity in Hollywood or social media. Those doing business with Mulvaney get wrecked, while Mulvaney does just fine. Mulvaney has earned so much in endorsements that he/she/it can hire a therapist to tell him/her/it what he/she/it is. 

Susan Rice — She was the first black woman President, although technically her business cards said she was the National Security Advisor. She was the main person telling puppet President Joe Biden what to think. She outlasted Ron K;ain to exert absolute power over the man in cognitive decline who signed her paychecks. She battled with Kamala Harris to be Vice President despite being much smarter than her airhead rival. Rice would have made the top spot, but she recently decided to step down. She will be back at some point. 

Kamala Harris — This giggling, cackling hyena became an affirmative action hire when Barack and Michelle Obama ordered Joe Biden to put her on the ticket. Despite being terrible at everything, Harris has outlasted her rivals Ron Klain and Susan Harris. She does virtually nothing, and what little she does, she does badly. Yet because of her race and gender, Biden cannot fire her from the ticket. He is stuck with her. She has the ultimate no-show job. She will have absolute power if anything happens to Biden. 

Centrists:

10.) Erin Burnett — It’s hard to call anyone a centrist at CNN, but Burnett seems far less crazy than most of her colleagues. She has managed to avoid disgracing herself at her network, not an easy feat. She would rank higher but virtually nobody watches CNN.

9.) Melania Trump — She is married to the former Republican president, but she has never been overtly political. She is a former model, not a political activist. Her stint as First Lady would have been completely non-controversial had the media not despised her husband so much. She is drop dead gorgeous but ranks low on the list for staying out of the spotlight this year. If Donald Trump wins the 2024 GOP presidential nomination, Melania will rocket back up the charts as she appears on the stump. 

8.) Gal Gadot — This former Israeli Army soldier and Wonderwoman star is a fantasy, but in real life she plays her politics very carefully. She has waded in favor of gay rights to please the left while calling out anti-Semitism to please the right. She has been political without being overly partisan. 

7.) Melissa Theuriau — This French journalist works for M6, the most profitable TV news entity in France. As beautiful as she is, her stories often get overlooked due to a global apathy toward the irrelevant nation of France. President Emanuel Macron suffering severe legislative election losses may cause a ripple if she reports on it. If she covered any other nation, she would be an even bigger superstar. 

6.) Courtney Friel — This former Fox News personality avoided partisan commentary. She decided that all politics is local, lea wing Fox News for Fox KTLA in Los Angeles. She remains gorgeous, bright, and non-partisan. 

5.) Megyn Kelly — This former attorney turned Fox News personality left the network and sued her former boss Roger Ailes. Her stint at NBC was unsuccessful, but she has now rebounded as a top internet reporter and analyst, She is a tough as nails questioner who plays it straight down the line. She would rank higher if she were on a major television network. As great as she is, the internet just does not allow for the same exposure. 

4.) Susan Li — She was born in China and raised in Toronto, Canada. Now she is a Fox Business correspondent. She has interviewed top political and business leaders in Canada and the United States. 

3.) Robin Meade — This lead morning news anchor for Headline News was once Miss Ohio. In 2021 she even released a country music album. She is an example of drop-dead gorgeous and multi-talented women who deserve to be taken seriously. 

2.) Princess Kate — The Royal family does not have any political power, but they do have influence far beyond Britain. The death of the beloved and respected Queen Elizabeth led to the ridiculed Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles taking over. If they somehow do not permanently destroy the monarchy, Kate and her husband Prince William could restore it. Kate and her husband both conduct themselves with dignity and class, a sparkling contrast to the publicity seeking grifters Harry and Meghan. Kate’s role is more vital than ever given the wreckage around other family members.

1.) Michele Tafoya — For years, she was a sports reporter who dealt with the NFL. She gave that job up because she wanted to be more publicly political. While many of her comments seem conservative, she has not overtly declared herself a member of any party or ideology. She wants common sense solutions, and is now allowed to be vocal about more than sports. For entering the political arena gracefully and powerfully, she is the most beautiful centrist this year.

Conservatives:

10.) Lauren Boebert — While nobody should celebrate divorce, many single men perked up at the new that Lauren Boebert is about to be single. This stunning brunette is a sexy pistol packing hot mama. This Colorado congresswoman  barely survived her reelection, but is now fighting back hard against the anti-American Squad. She is holding Speaker Kevin McCarthy’s feet to the fire. She will need to get reelected again to move up the list.

Anna Paulina Luna — She is the first Mexican-American to be elected to Congress in Florida. She is a warrior, leading the charge to have Merrick Garland and other corruptocrats impeached and Adam Schiff expelled from Congress. To move higher on this list, she needs to show staying power by getting reelected. 

8.) Mollie Hemingway/Miranda Devine — These are two of the hottest and smartest reporters in America. Hemingway writes for the Federalist, while the appropriately named Divine writes for the New York Post. Hemingway has done extensive work on exposing corruption involving the 2020 presidential election. Divine has brilliantly revealed the various controversies surrounding Hunter Biden and his laptop from hell. 

7.) Kristi Noem — This great South Dakota Governor achieved plaudits for keeping her state completely open during the Covid pandemic. She has kept the state normal but lost the battle to have July 4th fireworks at Mount Rushmore an annual event. She was considered a presidential candidate but ranks lower on this list for not entering the race. 

6.) Winsome Sears — The Lieutenant Governor of Virginia is a rock star. She is a proud black woman who served her country in the United States Marines. In her citizen life, she ran a homeless shelter. She has broken plenty of barriers in Virginia politics, which would make her a media darling if she were a Democrat. She has to settle for being loved by Republican voters nationwide. The Governor of Virginia is limited to one term, making her the logical successor to Governor Glenn Youngkin in 2025.

5.) Judge Aileen Cannon — This young smart judge was randomly chosen to oversee one of the indictment cases against Donald Trump. Because Trump appointed her, the left is already launching baseless attacks against her for bias. She has not backed down. She would rank higher but the cases against Trump are overrated in terms of significance. Very few if any people who love or hate Trump will be persuaded, regardless of the results. Once this is over, she will fade into the background. If she rules against Trump, she will briefly become a liberal hero until her next conservative ruling. 

4.) Casey DeSantis — The First Lady of Florida and husband of Governor Ron DeSantis is Superwoman. If she were a Democrat, she would be on the cover of every magazine. She is smart, gorgeous, tough, and a recent cancer survivor raising three children while trying to stay alive. Her cancer is in remission. She is an unapologetic conservative. She will most likely top this list if her husband wins the GOP presidential nomination. Otherwise, she will fade from the list next year. 

3.) Amy Coney Barrett — This United States Supreme Court justice is everything her supporters could have hoped for. She is Superwoman. A mother to seven children including a racially diverse mixture of adopted children, she went through her entire SCOTUS hearing without needing to take notes. She has sided with the conservative bloc on almost every issue, including the biggest decisions regarding abortion and guns.  

2.) Sarah Huckabee Sanders — She was Donald Trump’s White House press secretary. Now she is the first female Arkansas Governor. Her father previously held that job when Bill Clinton’s successor Jim Guy Tucker resigned due to the Whitewater scandal. Succeeding the more moderate Asa Hutchinson, Sanders has battled critics while raising several children and moving her state sharply to the right. She has beaten back the Woke mob and largely won the culture wars in her state. She could be President some day. She misses out on the top spot only because someone has a leg up on her.

1.) Nikki Haley — This successful former South Carolina Governor and spectacular Ambassador to the United Nations is more than qualified to be President. Yet she ranks near the bottom of the pack. Some are seeing her as a candidate for Vice President. While her odds of winning the GOP nomination are long, she has beaten long odds before. She has been more than competent at every government job she has ever held. For being the first potential woman President while maintaining likability, Haley is the most beautiful conservative of 2023. 

eric