Archive for November, 2009

The Indefensible vs the Incomprehensible Part III

Friday, November 20th, 2009

A seminar recently put on by the Middle East Studies Department at UCLA was entitled “Invasion is a Structure, not an Event: Settler Colonialism Past and Present.”

I initially covered this event for Campus Watch, Frontpage Mag, and the Middle East Forum. I then offered a rebuttal to a pair of professors that were offended by my quoting them perfectly in context.

Yet due to the sheer ludicrousness of this conference, I have decided to take some thoughts that initially ended up on the cutting room floor, and share them. Think of this as the B-Sides of an album, if the album was written by homicide bombing lovers at an institution of lower learning.

The Arab speakers communicated in crisp, perfect English. The main Jewish professor offered a fractured linguistical hybrid known as “Heblish.”

One piece of good news for decent human beings is that the “crowd,” was small. About 30 people attended, and 15 of them were professors. Of the 15 “students,” about five of them were over 50. The rest were a mixture of Arabs and other leftist groups completely disjointed from the actual topic.

Gershon Shafir provided the Heblish and the Jewish self-loathing.

Between him and the Arab professors bashing Israel with a lack of rhetorical aplomb, I still maintain that Palestinians don’t need a homeland. They need a thesaurus.

There was plenty of diversity from an apparel standpoint, as the professors wore different colored shirts.

Australian Professor Patrick Wolfe offered Marxism, but my brief conversation with him during the intermission showed that on at least one issue, he is not on the left. He certainly kept quiet about it. I asked him if he supported Australian climatologist Ian Plimer, and he said he did. Ian Plimer has taken Australia by storm by proving that Al Gore is full of non-biodegradable cr@pola. He agreed with Plimer’s assessment.

Patricia Larson, a woman over 50,  spoke about sexuality in colonial Algeria. She managed to unite Lochman and Shafir, initially because they were glaring at her black leather miniskirt and fishnet stockings, and eventually because they badly wanted her presentation to end. It was a distraction from bashing Israel.

In all fairness to Ms. Lorcin, for a left-wing academic that speaks about things that range from the ridiculous to the sublime, the miniskirt and fishnets were not bad for a woman her age. I guess a woman speaking about Algerian colonialism will take drastic steps to keep people awake.

Professor Gabriel Piterberg, perhaps still also focusing on Ms. Lorcin’s stockings, offered this gibberish inbetween comments about Likud and R2D2.

“Picture an Oriental Jewish woman fantasizing about a man with a mustache.”

Oriental is a politically insensitive word, and I was not clear if the Asian woman lusted after Saddam Hussein or Inspector Clouseau.

When Gabriel Pierberg offered that “Likud policies are about exerting sexual power,” I thought that this must be mistaken since it was Yassir Arafat who sexually violated everything in sight, not Israelis.

Yet to truly understand what these people miseducating our children truly actually care about, one has to know that nothing in this conference galvanized anybody to do anything. It had a shelf life of an Arabic Star Wars Conference, which Gabriel Piterberg may be working on next. One issue did spur a call to action, and the ladies discussed it passionately.

“These are expensive coffee cups. They are not biodegradable. I am going to say something and write letters.”

Jewish people should be relieved that the few attendees not eligible for an AARP card found the indefensible aspects of the conference overrun by the incomprehensible.

As I keep saying, it is terrible in this tough economy that organ grinders and their dancing monkeys are unemployed while UCLA Middle East Studies Professors still collect paychecks. If they were any more useless they would be United Nations diplomats. After all, these are the only two places where a cushy job requires only hatred of America and Israel, and knowledge of nothing.


My Interview With Ari David

Thursday, November 19th, 2009

I had the pleasure recently of interviewing Ari David.

Ari is running in California’s 30th Congressional District against 853 year incumbent Henry Waxman.

I have gotten to know Ari, and I am proud to call him my friend. He and his wife have recently had their first child, and he is in the throes of new parenthood.

With that, I present my interview with Ari David.

1) What is the Ari David story? What made you decide to enter the political arena?

I am a Los Angeles Native from the entertainment industry. I am enlightened conservative. I decided to run for office because it bothered me so much that Henry Waxman ran unopposed in 2008. To paraphrase John Wayne, that really chapped my hide.

2) What political issues are most important to you?

National security, confiscatory tax rates, and the size, scope, and reach of government into people’s lives.

3) What do you possess that Henry Waxman’s prior opponents do not possess?

Tenacity and persistence.

4) Given that Los Angeles is not known for a large percentage of Republican Jews, or Republicans in general, how can you defeat Henry Waxman?

The way to win any war or battle is to believe and have the will to win. We are in an ideological war in which victory equals legislative power. The left treats elections like warfare. They have the will to win. Too many Republicans don’t. I do.

5) Who are your three political heroes, American or worldwide?

Ronald Reagan, Ronald Wilson Reagan, and RW Reagan. Is that three yet?

6) Without delving too deeply into your personal life, what would you want Americans to know about Ari David the person? 100 years from now, what would you want people to remember about you, and what would you hope the history books say about you?

He was the guy who made us believe we could win and taught us that true principles of conservatism embody individual liberty, American exceptionalism, and the pursuit of happiness, all of which we still have because of the work he did by winning 2010 and being a responsible legislator during his time of service. Because of his core conservatism, we still enjoy the freedoms that we have preserved for 230 years.

I would like to thank Ari for his time, and more importantly, for his friendship. I am glad to know him, and you will be too when you meet him as well.

Now send him money and let’s get him elected.


Obama, Osama, and More 9/11 Drama

Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

Today is dedicated to Obama, Osama, and more 9/11 Drama.

My column is on the Republican Jewish Coalition Site.


Nationwide Comedy Tuesday

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

Yes, there are many serious issues going on in this world. However, between constant nationwide travel and news stories exploding and just as rapidly dying, I have dedicated today a day of levity. If something tragic happens today, leave me alone. This was a pre-written column.

In the past few days I have spoken to five Arizona GOP groups and at the Texas State Republican Women’s Federated Convention. Before that was North Carolina, Maryland, Virginia, and DC.

Today I start the day in the Northern California area speaking to the Novato RWF. I then fly to Southern California past my home to Orange County to speak to the Seal Beach chapter RWF. On Wednesday, the morning is the Rancho Mirage RWF in San Bernardino, with the evening back to Orange County for the Irvine Republican Council,  Thursday is the Pepperdine College Republicans in Malibu followed by Friday speaking to the Simi Valley RWF.

Yes, on Saturday there is a rally in Westwood within walking distance of my home. Yet I might not be speaking at that one. No, of course not, that would make life easy for once. The people who know me best prefer I shut up I guess.

So today is Nationwide Comedy Tuesday, as I offer some lines to various recent audiences.

“It’s great to be here in Arizona. I almost didn’t make it. As a Jewish person, I should have known better than to rely on a Palestinian GPS Tracker. I made one wrong turn, ended up at a cemetery, and heard a sinister voice say, ‘You have reached your final destination!’ I got so angry that I threw the thing out the window, which was good, because 5 seconds later it exploded.”

“Before getting to politics, I want to go over some football happening, because when talking to a womens’ group, the best way to keep them enthralled is to start talking about football.”

“The Arizona Cardinals had a great week. As a Jewish person, I have always felt that the Cardinals were the Jews of the NFL. They wandered all over from place to place, from Chicago to St. Louis before finally finding a home in the desert. They suffered endless defeats for decades until a hero finally emerged to lead them to the promised land. We have Moses. You have Kurt Warner.”

“On offense last week, Kurt Warner had 5 touchdown passes. On defense, Janet Napolitano had 4 quarterback sacks.”

“Actually, I apologize for that last remark. I should never use ‘Janet Napolitano’ in the same sentence as ‘defense.’ She can’t defend anything.”

“Arizona is being overrun by undesirables. They drain the state of services.  They demand new services. They don’t work. They contribute nothing. They are pure parasites on the Arizona economy. Of course, I am talking about AARP liberals. Some of them might be Mexican. I have no idea.”

“It’s great to be here in Texas. I am not going to take sides in the battle for supremacy in Texas. Rick Perry vs Kay Bailey Hutchison? No no, I meant the Texans vs the Cowboys.”

“I have always felt a bond with the Texans because they are like the Jews of the NFL. They were minding their own business as the Oilers when they were cruelly uprooted from their homeland.”

“Everything was peaceful until they were driven from their land by an evil dictator named Bud Adams. Whether it is Egypt or Nashville, it is not the true homeland.”

“Bud Adams wanted to come to the Houston with his team when the Titans play the Texans. I say to Bud Adams exactly what I say to the Palestinians. There will be no right of return.”

“Thank you for welcoming me to North Carolina. It was a pleasure to meet Ms. Wilmington. Some of you asked if I was willing to buy her dinner. Have you seen and spoken with her? I would be willing to buy her a third world nation. I hope she likes Laos. $6 should cover it.”

“Your North Carolina military base near the airport is very impressive. As Veteran’s Day approaches, let me say to all the veterans in the room, ‘Thank you, and welcome home.’ I know something about war zones. I did two tours of duty as a student in a New York public school.”

“It is great to be here in Baltimore. I know you are all concerned about Barbara Mikulski, but don’t worry. Next year she will have a new job playing defense for the Ravens alongside Ray Lewis.”

“For those of you complaining in Maryland about Barbara Mikulski in Maryland, I offer no sympathy. I am from the People’s Republic of California. We have 2 of the 3 worst Barbaras in the country, that being Boxer and Streisand. At least Boxer spells it correctly.”

“Hello San Francisco. It is so great to be here in Northern California among so many of my fellow gun toting bible thumping fascists.”

“Here is a great wedge issue to use against the Democrats. First we should ask the Pelosiraptor if the detainees at Guantanamo Bay should be relocated to her San Francisco district.”

“I’m not talking about the general vicinity. I am talking about where they can hop over the fence and steal her barbecue. Or in her case, the tofurkey.”

“Now I know some of you are thinking that the detainees might be too moderate for the district. After all, the only thing more dangerous than a violent Jihadist is a violent peace activist. Combine them you get a radical centrism.”

“Some of you have other concerns Isn’t relocating them to San Francisco cruel and unusual punishment, even for terrorists?”

“Let’s say the ACLU for once stop acting like themselves and we get the detainees there. We then force Nancy Pelosi to answer a serious question on camera. Should the detainees upon being in San Francisco get gay marriage rights?”

“We can call it ‘Getting Gay at Guantanamo Bay.’ For those who like acronyms, we can call it ‘Getting Gay at Gitmo’ or G3 for short.”

“If she says yes, she further enrages the Islamists. If she says no, she further enrages the hypertolerant leftists. Forcing her to choose…that is her entire base. We have just fractured her coalition.”

“I recommend we put San Fransisco on Ebay.”

“Don’t worry, I am sure there are people in Seattle or Boston willing to overbid for it.”

“Once the Earthquake hits and we float away, we will become part of Russia. This will be fine, since living under Vladimir Putin will be less oppressive than living under Barbara Boxer or the Pelosiraptor.”

Well all, I have to admit it is pretty cool getting paid money to tell people what I think and hopefully make them laugh.

Best of all, wherever I go, I make friends I will have for life.

There is nothing left to say for today, but plenty more to do.

The Tygrrrr Express is on to the next adventure.


Republican Party Animals

Monday, November 16th, 2009

This is not your Father’s Republican Party.

I just got back from Arizona and Texas, but last week in Los Angeles I felt like I was in Las Vegas, or at the very least Sodom and Gomorrah.

It was fabulous.

A new “political” group has formed. Welcome to the world of the Republican Party Animals.

I would like to thank Scott Edwards and David Stein for bringing this group to several places in America, including Los Angeles. I would especially like to thank my friend Leo Bletnitsky for informing me of the event.

Several rock bands performed, including my friend Eric Porvaznik. He has previously done a takeoff on Neil Young’s “Rocking in the free world,” with the lyrics to “Blame Barack, it’s not a free world.”

This time he went after the liberals and their excessive lust for our tax dollars with the Georgia Satellites song, “Keep your hands to yourself.”

He then sang the standard versions of “I won’t back down” by Tom Petty before blowing the lid off of the place with a pair of ACDC classics. “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap” was perfect for this gathering,” and “TNT” had the whole crowd chanting “Oy! Oy! Oy!,” which some thought was either 1980s Australian football star Jacko or Hebrew complaining. It was neither, since the “oy” was not followed by a “vey.”

Scott Edwards described the people perfectly.

“We represent the smoking, drinking, cursing, gambling, and screwing wing of the GOP.”

“Democrats enact smoking bans. Republicans say ‘light ’em up.'”

“Democrats offer frigid feminists. Republicans have smart sexy women. They have Hillary. We have Sarah Palin.”

Although I do enjoy traditional Republican rallies, the trapeze artist was a nice touch. So were the pole dancers, including the one with the delightful underclothing slogan “Got Pole?”

A “firedancer” named Angeldust dressed in pink and black. I used to think fire was made by rubbing two rocks or sticks together. She managed to rub other things together, and her skills with fire were incredible.

Comedy acts included my friends Evan Sayet and Ari David, in addition to myself.

Yet how do you follow that stuff?

My opening line summed it up.

“The Democrats have medicinal marijuana, but we Republicans have Angeldust.”

I am a proud member of the debauchery wing of the GOP.

This is my kind of political party. The drinks and cigars flowed, the miniskirts of the ladies were hiked up, and the cleavage was barely contained.

If this is what we stand for, we should and will win in 2010, at least among the youth male vote. Heck, among the entire male and non-uptight flaming feminist vote. There is no way the politically correct left is having this much fun.

All hail the Republican Party Animals!


NFL 2009–Week 10 Recap

Sunday, November 15th, 2009

From Texas, my attempt to catch some games at the Galveston airport will be a challenge.

Before getting to the games, in football news, the NFL cracked down on the Captain Morgan Rum company after Eagles Receiver Brent Celek struck the pose during the game. This article is well written, and the part about former Bears Quarterback Jim McMahon is hilarious.

Nevertheless, here is my delayed Week 10 NFL Recap.

Chicago Bears @ San Francisco 49ers was the Thursday night game. A pair of error-prone teams played an error prone game. After a scoreless and turnover filled first half, late in the second quarter Jay Cutler had an interception returned 51 yards, setting up a short Frank Gore touchdown to put the 49ers up 7-0. The Bears kicked a field goal at the end of the half and another field goal in the third quarter as the 49ers led 7-6 entering the fourth quarter of this hideously ugly game.

After Jay Cutler’s fourth interception, Frank Gore broke off a big run before fumbling. Yet despite thee defenders in the area, the 49ers retained possession inside the five yard line. Gore was knocked backwards on subsequent plays, and a field goal had the 49ers up 10-6 with 10 minutes to play. As awful as the game was, Cutler worked the 2 minute drill well, and the Bears had the ball at the 49ers 12 yard line with 8 seconds left and one timeout. Cutler then fired to the end zone for his fifth interception. Mike Singletary beat his old team in a game that was notable for nothing else except that these teams were rivals 25 years ago. 10-6 49ers

Atlanta Falcons @ Carolina Panthers–The competitive game between division rivals struggling to stay in the hunt started with a field goal by Jason Elam and a 3-0 Falcons lead followed by a one yard run by Jimmy Stewart to put the Panthers up 7-3.In the second quarter Jake Delhomme capped off a 12 play, 80 yard drive with a 4 yard touchdown pass to Steve Smith on 3rd and goal to put the Panthers up 14-3. Matt Ryan came back with a 14 play, 80 yard drive that ate up 6 1/2 minutes. On 3rd and goal form the 1, Snelling crashed over to get the Falcons within 14-10. With 3 1/2 minutes left in the half, Ryan was intercepted at his own 33. Then a defensive pass interference call set up another 3rd and goal at the 4 touchdown from Delhomme to Smith as the Panthers led 21-10.

In the third quarter Ryan drove the Falcons over 12 plays and 5 1/2 minutes, but the drive bogged down at the Carolina 6 yard line. A field goal had the Falcons within 21-13. The Panthers drove down the field and set up for a 51 yard John Kasay field goal to extend the lead again, but the kick was blocked. From their own 41, Ryan led the Falcons in 14 plays over 7 minutes. Everything came down to 4th and 1 at the Carolina 3, where Ryan hit Peele for the touchdown only one minute into the fourth quarter. I personally would have kicked the extra point given all the time left, because so many teams end up needing to try a 2nd 2 pointer which would be unnecessary had they not tried the first one. Just ask John Fox about the Super Bowl in 2003. The conversion failed, and the Falcons trailed 21-19.

The Panthers drove the ball to the Atlanta 38, but on 4th and 3, Fox decided to punt rather than try a 55 yarder, given that one was blocked earlier. Ryan drove the Falcons from their own 4 to the Carolina 16. After failing to convert 3rd and 1, Mike Smith decided not to gamble on 4th and 1. Yet the chip shot field goal was no good with 6 1/2 minutes left. The Falcons got the ball back, but with 4 minutes left Ryan was intercepted at midfield. Jimmy Stewart then broke off a 45 yard touchdown run. given the earlier missed 2 point conversion, this extra point iced the game. 28-19 Panthers

Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Miami Dolphins–Fresh off of their failing to become the 1976 Buccaneers, Tampa Bay actually took a 3-0 lead in this game. Yet Chad Henne then brought the Dolphins 77 yards, with a one yard run by Ronnie Brown completing the drive. The extra point was blocked as the Dolphins led 6-3. In the second quarter  12 play, 7 minute drive led to a Miami field goal and a 9-3 lead as Tony Sparano decided not to gamble on 4th and 2 from the Tampa 31. The Bucs came back, but on 4th and 1 from the Miami 32, Raheem Morris also decided not to gamble, and the long field goal had the Bucs within 9-6. With 90 seconds left in the half, Josh Freeman was intercepted by Jason Taylor at the Tampa 8 yard line, and Henne hit Sperry from 5 yards out to give the Dolphins the 16-6 lead. The Bucs quickly went 3 and out, and Miami got the ball past midfield to add a field goal just before the half to lead 19-6.

Tampa Bay slowly clawed back into the game with a 54 yard field goal late in the third quarter to get within 19-9. After a Miami fumble, Freeman hit Stovall for a 33 yard touchdown pass on the first play of the fourth quarter to get the Dolphins to within 19-16. With 6 minutes remaining in the game, Miami added a 45 yard field goal to lead 22-16. Yet with 2 minutes left all hell broke loose.

Miami had 3rd and 7 at their own 25, and Chad Henne threw for the first down and instead was intercepted. Freeman got the Bucs to the one yard line, where Cadillac Williams scored. Thanks to the earlier blocked extra point, the Buccaneers led 23-22 with 1:14 left. Yet despite the fact that this team is still awful, Kellen Winslow Jr. took an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty, as the Bucs kicked off from their own 15. Somehow, Miami still only managed to start at their own 16 yard line.

Henne then threw 25 yards to Bess, followed by a defensive penalty that had Miami at midfield with 41 seconds left. A 16 yard pass to Bess had Miami at the Tampa 34 with 23 seconds left. Somehow, with everyone thinking pass, Ronnie Williams ran for 27 yards to the Tampa Bay 7. The Tampa comeback turned into the Tampa collapse as Carpenter’s 25 yard field goal with 10 seconds remaining gave the Dolphins the win to keep them in the playoff hunt. The Bucs had their one game win streak end, and John Gruden just signed a Monday Night Football contract extension. 25-23 Dolphins

Detroit Lions @ Minnesota Vikings–Brett Favre took the Vikings to the Detroit 4 yard line on their opening drive, where they settled for a field goal and a 3-0 Minnesota lead. Matthew Stafford drove the Lions into field goal territory, where veteran Jason Hanson did everything that Ryan Longwell did except make the kick. An Adrian Peterson fumble in the Detroit Red Zone was a missed opportunity for Minnesota to put the game away early. Yet in the second quarter, Favre went deep to Sidney Rice for 43 yards, and Peterson redeemed himself with a 22 yard touchdown run to make it 10-0 Vikings.

Minnesota dominated the game, but squandered chances. On 4th and 1 from the Detroit 8, a run got stuffed up the middle. On the next drive Adrian Peterson ripped off a 43 yard run but at the Detroit 18 fumbled it away again. With 2 minutes left in the half, Stafford moved the Lions in 11 plays. A field goal on the last play of the half had the Lions within 10-3 in a game they could have been losing 31-0.

Yet these are the Lions, and in the second half they were the ones being charitable. They fumbled the second half kickoff, and Peterson ripped off a 27 yard run followed by a one yard touchdown run to put the Vikings up 17-3. Stafford did respond with a 15 play, 6 minute drive that covered 84 yards. An 8 yard touchdown pass from Stafford to Heller had the Lions only losing 17-10 in a game that was supposed to be a laugher.

In the fourth quarter, reality set in. On the first play of the fourth quarter, Favre went deep to Rice again, this time for 56 yards, setting up an 8 yard touchdown pass to Dugan to put Minnesota up 24-10. Longwell added another field goal with 7 minutes left to end the scoring. Once again, a very bad team played a very good team with no surprises, although the game was much more lopsided than the score. 27-10 Vikings

Jacksonville Jaguars @ New York Jets–On the first play from scrimmage, Mark Sanchez was intercepted, and Maurice Jones-Drew ran 33 yards for a touchdown to put the Jaguar up 7-0. Jack Del Rio tried a surprise onsides kick that did not work, and the short field led to a Jets field goal and a 7-3 game. The Jaguars then moved into field goal position themselves, but Josh Scobee hit the upright no good. On the next New York drive the Jaguars were called for a pair of defensive penalties, holding and roughing the passer. Sanchez hit Jerricho Cotchery for 21 yards ad then for the 7 yard touchdown to put Gang Green up 10-7.

David Garrard in the second quarter led the Jaguars 70 yards in 11 plays and 5 minutes, scrambling the final 11 yards himself to put the Jaguars back in front 14-10. After a Jets punt, Garrard led the Jaguars 86 yards in 11 plays and 5 minutes, with a 26 yard touchdown pass to Sims-Walker giving the Jaguars a 21-10 lead. The Jets did kick a field goal as the half ended to pull within 21-13.

An ugly third quarter saw Sanchez get intercepted by Groves, who returned it 37 yards to the New York 4 yard line. Jacksonville fumbled the ball away at the goal line. Sanchez went deep again, and was intercepted again. Jacksonville did not capitalize, and Sanchez finally settled down and led a 14 play, 7 minute drive that led to another field goal as the Jets were within 21-16 only seconds into the fourth quarter.

The Jets got the ball back, and Sanchez led a 16 play, 7 1/2 minute drive that covered 77 yards. On 4th and 1 from the Jacksonville 15, Greene ran the ball 14 yards, as Thomas Jones scored on the next play. The 2 point conversion failed, but the Jets led 22-21 with 5 minutes left in the game. The Jaguars took over at their own 17 and went right to work, as the vaunted Rex Ryan defense never materialized. From the New York 47, Garrard hit Lewis for a 33 yard gain down to the 14 at the 2 minute warning. Jack Del RIo then showed some real coaching intelligence.

Since the Jets were out of timeouts, he instructed Maurice Jones-Drew not to score a touchdown, but rather get close and go down to bleed the clock. From the 10, Jones-Drew ran past Jets defenders, who were trying to let him score so they could get the ball back. Jones Drew got to the one yard line and took a knee. Garrard took a couple more kneel downs, and the 21 yard Josh Scobee field goal at the gun gave the Jaguars the win. This is what good coaching and unselfish play can do. 24-22 Jaguars

Cincinnati Bengals @ Pittsburgh Steelers–The Bengals missed a 51 yard field goal on their opening drive, but points were at a premium in this slugfest. An 11 play, 6 minute drive led to a 28 yard Pittsburgh field goal and a 3-0 Steelers lead. A game with virtually no offense did have a special teams play as the ensuing kickoff was returned 96 yards for a touchdown. The Bengals failed to make the extra point when the snap was fumbled, yet they led 6-3.

With 8 minutes left in the half, a 25 yard punt return had the Steelers starting in Cincinnati territory. They reached the five yard line, but were pushed backward. Another field goal had the game tied 6-6. The Steelers got the ball back at their own 22 with 3 minutes left in the half. Ben Roethlisberger moved them down the field to the Cincy 8 yard line. However, Cincinnati again pushed the Steelers back and another field goal had the Steelers up 9-6.

The Bengal defense has been playing like demons possessed, and defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer has the heaviest heart of all. His wife recently died unexpectedly at age 50, and the entire team has rallied around him. An interception of Big Ben had the Bengals on the Pittsburgh 14, but on 4th and 1 from the 5 Marvin Lewis decided not to go for it. Points came difficult, so the field goal had the game again tied 9-9. A Pittsburgh punt had the Bengals starting at the Pittsburgh 47. Carson Palmer moved them to the 14 where yet another field goal had the Bengals up 12-9.

Field position changed when the Bengals punted from their own 2 yard line and the Steelers began at midfield. A 12 play, 6 1/2 minute drive was full of intensity. On 4th and 1 from the 12, Big Ben picked up the yard. Yet again the Bengls knocked the Steelers backward, and again it was a field goal and a 12-12 game with 11 1/2 minutes left in regulation.

Palmer moved the Bengals form their own 34 to a 4th and 1 at the Pittsburgh 15 with 7 1/2 minutes left. As expected in this game of defense and field position, Marvin Lewis opted for the field goal. The Bengals led 15-12. Pittsburgh punted, and the Bengals took over at their 21 with 6 minutes left. Palmer slowly and methodically moved the Bengals down the field. On 3rd and 3 from the Pittsburgh 23, a run lost 2 yards at the 2 minute warning.  Josh Reed had already kicked his four field goals, So Shane Graham added his fourth field goal in five tries to give the Bengals a 6 point lead.

Big Ben took over at his own 33 needing a touchdown in a game where the defenses allowed none of them. The Bengals simply knocked Roethlisberger around on 4 straight incomplete passes. Mike Zimmer and Marvin Lewis have the Bengals playing with fire and attitude, and that is what it takes to go on the road and beat the defending champs. The Bengals are 5-0 in the division, and have swept Baltimore and Pittsburgh in the same year for the first time ever. One kickoff return was the difference. 18-12 Bengals

New Orleans Saints @ St. Louis Rams–The unbeaten Saints traveled to face a pathetic Ram team that somehow won a game. For the third straight week, the Saints had difficulty with an inferior team. After a scoreless opening quarter in which Drew Brees and Marc Bulger traded interceptions, Brees then led a 13 play, 7 1/2 minute drive that covered 78 yards. Reggie Bush ran it in from 3 yards out to put the Saints up 7-0. Bulger came back 5 minutes later and fired a 29 yard touchdown pass to Avery to tie the game 7-7. Robert Meacham then ran the ball 41 yards to set up a 15 yard touchdown pass from Brees to Bush to get the Saints back in front 14-7. The Rams hung tough, as Bulger led a 13 play, 6 minute drive that covered 73 yards. Stephen Jackson ran it in from 2 yards out as the very game Rams tied the game 14-14 with one minute left in the half.

The deadlock was broken again when Roby returned the second half kickoff 97 yards for a touchdown to put the Saints back in front 21-14. The Rams punted, but Brees was then intercepted, allowing the Rams to take over at the Saints 40. They reached the 14, but on 3rd and failed to convert. A field goal had the Rams within 21-17. The Saints had a chance to put the game away when Reggie Bush ripped off a 5 yard run to the red zone. Yet Marquis Colston fumbled at the one yard line, and it resulted in a touchback. Yet the Rams could not capitalize, and Brees ended the next Saints drive with a 27 yard touchdown pass to Meacham to give the Saints some breathing room at 28-17 with 12 1/2 minutes left in the game.

With 7 minutes left, the Rams had 4th and 1 at their own 41 and decided to go for it. Stephen Jackson was stuffed for a one yard loss. The Rams got the ball back, and Bulger hit Avery for a 19 yard touchdown pass with 2:50 remaining. The 2 point conversion failed, but the Rams were within 5 points. 30 seconds later the Saints had 4th and 3 at the Rams 35. Sean Payton decided to punt rather than risk a blocked field goal. The Rams took over at their own 20. Bulger moved the Rams to a 4th and 1 at the Saints 32 with one second left. The Hail Mary was incomplete, and in a year where blowouts have been common, the Saints had survived a tough one to remain perfect. 28-23 Saints

Buffalo Bills @ Tennessee Titans–In a meaningless statistic, Ralph Wilson leads Bud Adams in age 91-86. Adams leads in being fined this week $250,000 to 0. The Titans are a bad team with a very good coach, and Jeff Fisher has held a bad team together after an 0-6 start with consecutive wins. The Bills are a bad team coached by Dick Jauron, which explains why they will not get better. Although Trent Edwards was quarterbacking the Bills, a Wildcat snap to Jackson led to a 27 yard touchdown pass to Lee Evans to put the Bills up 7-0. Dick Jauron is a genius. Yet Chris Johnson rambled for a 28 yard score a few minutes later to tie the game 7-7. On the next Tennessee drive Vince Young hit Britt for 38 yards to set up his 14 yard touchdown pass to Nate Washington to put the Titans up 14-7.

In the second quarter Rob Bironas connected on a 38 yard field goal to put the Titans up 17-7. Yet Edwards came right back, hitting Terrell Owens for a 46 yard gain to set up an 8 yard touchdown pass to Evans to get the Bills to within 17-14. Vince Young was intercepted, but the Bills failed to capitalize. With 1:05 left in the half, Young moved the team in position for a 60 yard Bironas field goal attempt, which was no good.

The Bills took the second half kickoff and moved from their own 17 to the Tennessee 7 in 12 plays and 7 minutes. A field goal tied the game 17-17. Somehow, a deadlock after three quarters turned into a fourth quarter blowout. A 12 play, 5 minute drive featured a 23 yard Chris Johnson run to set up his 3rd and goal at the one touchdown run to put the Titans up 24-17. The Titans got the ball back with 9 1/2 minutes left and bled the clock with a 6 minute drive that led to a field goal. The Tians led 27-17, but 3 1/2 minutes was plenty of time to do more damage.

Edwards was intercepted by Fuller, who returned it 26 yards for a touchdown to put the Titans up 34-17. Ryan Fitzpatrick came in for Edwards, and he was intercepted by Hood, who also returned it for a touchdown. The 37 yard score completed the action as the Titans won their third straight in a show of heart and guts against a Buffalo team lacking both. 41-17 Titans

Denver Broncos @ Washington Redskins–This could have been Clinton Portis seeking revenge against his old team, but he did not play, leaving this to be a god team playing badly against an awful team playing even worse. Kyle Orton hit Brandon Marshall for a 40 yard touchdown pass as the route was supposedly on with the Broncos up 7-0. Yet much maligned Jason Campbell led a 12 play, 6 minute drive that culminated in a 2 yard touchdown to Yoder to tie the game 7-7. Orton responded by going to Marshall again, this time for a 75 yard touchdown as the big play quick strike Broncos led 14-7.

With 6 1/2 minutes left in the first half, the Redskins faced 4th and 20 at the Denver 35. A fake field goal attempt was executed perfectly, as punter Hunter Smith showed his quarterback credentials with a 35 yard touchdown pass to Sellers had the game tied 14-14. The Broncos took over at their own 11 and bled the entire 6 1/2 minutes with a staggering 18 play drive. They could not get past the Washington 7 yard line, yet the 82 yard drive led to a field goal that had the Broncos up 17-14 at intermission. The game completely changed in the second half when Chris Simms came in to replace an injured Orton.

The third quarter featured little offense and no scoring. With 4 1/2 minutes left the Redskins did reach the Denver 28. On 4th and 1, they lost 2 yards and gave the ball back.  Washington got the ball back on their own 9 and embarked on a 13 play, 7 minute drive. They reached the Denver 12, where a 30 yard Suisham field goal had the game tied 17-17 with 10 1/2 minutes left in the contest.

Denver had 2 big plays in the first half, but no offense in the second half. Simms went for all the marbles, but was intercepted in the end zone. The Redskins ran it out, lateraled, and reached their own 40. An 11 play drive ate up over 6 minutes, and on 3rd and goal from the one, Betts crashed in to put the Redskins up 24-17 with 2:44 to play. From their own 27, Simms fired 4 straight incomplete passes as Josh McDaniels decided not to punt with 2:20 left. With 1:10 left, facing 4th and 1 at the Denver 18, Jim Zorn opted for the field goal. It was good, and the Redskins manaed to avoid Zorn and Daniel Snyder being impeached for one more week. Denver lost its third straight and are clinging to their division lead going into their game with Norvelous Norv Turner in San Diego. 27-17 Redskins

Kansas City Chiefs @ Oakland Raiders–For more on the game of the day, go to

Despite defending him for more than long enough, a couple weeks ago I finally came to accept that JaMarcus Russell is a complete and total bust. At least we did not give up multiple picks to get him, making him less of a bust than Ryan Leaf but worse than many. He wears jersey # 2 because that describes his play. He went 9 for 24 for 67 yards before being benched again. In week 2 he actually looked like he was turning a corner. Despite playing awful the whole game, he came back in the final seconds as the Raiders beat the Chiefs in Kansas City 13-10, their second straight win in Arrowhead. They just can’t beat them at home.

Like several games this season, the Raiders started strong. Michael Bush ripped off a 60 yard run to the Chiefs 4, and Justin Fargas finished form one yard out as Oakland led 7-0. As good as this was to start a game, big plays are not sustained drives of offense. The Raiders get a big play now and then, but there is no consistency on offense. The defense played well again, intercepting Matt Cassel on the first Chiefs drive. Yet even with Darren McFadden finally back in the lineup, the Raiders offense was inept. Matt Succop nailed a 50 yard field goal to pull the Chiefs to within 7-3. The Raiders punted, and received a break when Shane Lechler’s kick was fumbled. The Raiders recovered, failed to make a first down, and settled for a 50 yard Sebastian Janikowki field goal to lead 10-3. Again, points do not mean offense.

Early in the second quarter, the Chiefs faced a 4th and 1 at the Oakland 44. This was certainly not John Riggins in the Super Bowl, but the result was exactly the same, as Charles ran for a 44 yard touchdown to tie the game 10-10. On the next drive the Raiders faced 3rd and 6, which eventually became 4th and 29 and a punt. From the Chiefs 26, Cassel hit Dwayne Bowe for a 41 yard gain and Chris Chambers for 24 more to set up 1st and goal at the 7. Cassel then fumbled, but the Chiefs recovered it to keep the ball. They moved no further, but a field goal had them up 13-10. The final 9 1/2 minutes of the half featured punts, the most frustrating being when the Raiders failed to convert 2nd and 1 and 3rd and 1 at their own 40 when Russell threw incomplete passes.

The Chiefs took the second half kickoff and moved to the Oakland 34, but a 52 yard field goal attempt was no good. The Raiders took over at their own 43, and Tom Cable refused to let Russell throw the ball. Five straight runs by Michael Bush had the Raiders at the Chiefs 22. For some reason Russell started throwing again, and on 4th and 15 from the 27, Seabass missed a 45 yard field goal. The Chiefs took over on their own 36, and moved the ball. On 4th and 1 from the 14, Todd Haley decided to go for it. Without departed Larry Johnson, who absolutely would have broken Priest Holmes’s rushing record on this day, Cassel threw an incomplete pass as the Raiders dodged another bullet in a game both teams tried to lose.

The Raiders went nowhere, but received another golden opportunity when another fumbled punt by the Chiefs had the Raiders just past midfield with a little over two minutes remaining in the third quarter. Russell was benched in favor of Bruce Gradkowski. Michael Bush picked up 5 yards, but rather than let the successful ground game work, Gradkowki imitated Russell and fired incomplete passes to waste the drive.

With 11 minutes left in the game, Gradkowski was intercepted at midfield. On 3rd and 11 form the Oakland 48, Cassel threw incomplete, but defensive pass interference by Nahmdi Asomugha had the Chiefs at the Oakland 29. Yes, Asomugha is all world, but this penalty hurt. Charles ran the ball down to the 13, where the defense stiffened. A field goal had the Chiefs up by 6 points, but over 6 minutes remained. All the Silver and Black needed was one offensive touchdown.

On 3rd and 5, Gradkowski was sacked, and the Chiefs got the ball back with 4 1/2 minutes left. The defense of the Raiders hung tough, and with 1:53 left, the Raiders had one final shot from their own 20. Gradkowski hit Chaz Schillens for 9 yards and Johnny Lee Higgins for 14 more. Gradkowski scrambled for 9 more yards, and on 3rd and 1 from the Kansas City 48, Gradkowski hit Darrius Heyward-Bey for 22 yards to the Chiefs 26 with 44 seconds left. With 38 seconds left, Gradkowski went deep for Heyward-Bey at the 10 yard line. Yet Heyward-Bey is fast becoming the JaMarcus Russell of receivers, wasted potential. Michael Crabtree is no longer available. The ball bounced off of Heyward-Bey, and was intercepted with 30 seconds left.

Both teams are 2-7, and the Raiders appear to have no hope. Al Davis and Tom Cable are controversial, but they can’t make the players play. Big money was shelled out for Russell and Heyward-Bey. They have to at some point do something positive. Another winnable game became another humiliating loss. 16-10 Chiefs

Seattle Seahawks @ Arizona Cardinals–The inconsistent Seahawks faced off against the inconsistent but vastly improving Cardinals in the desert. Matt Hasselbeck put the ball in the air 52 times, completing half of them for 315 yards and a touchdown. However, he was picked off twice. Kurt Warner continued the Greatest Show in the Desert, going a ridiculous 29 for 38 for 340 yards and a pair of touchdowns.

When a punt pinned the Seahawks at their own 1, a punt gave the Cardinals excellent field position. They reached the Seattle 1, where on 4th and goal Tim Hightower was stuffed on  goal line stand. Again Seattle began on their own 1. This time Hasselbeck went deep to TJ Houshmanzadeh for 53 yards, with a 15 yard facemask tacked on to the Arizona 31. Forsett ran it in from 11 yards out to put the Seahawks up 7-0.

In the second quarter of a game in which the Cardinals had little offense up to that point, Hasselbeck fired again from the Arizona 31 and found Carlson for the touchdown as the Seahawks had a 14-0 lead. The Seahawks were in total control, but a defensve pass interference penalty set up a 28 yard touchdown pass from Kurt Warner to Steve Breaston as the Cardinals closed the gap to 14-7. With 5 1/2 minutes left in the half, Hasselbeck moved the Seahawks from their own 19 to the Arizona 12. O 3rd and 7 they lost 2 yards, and the field goal had them up 17-7.

The Cardinals got the ball back at their own 20 with 1:09 left in the half. Warner then put on a clinic. He hit Larry Fitzgerald for 25 yards, Steve Breaston for 28 more, Anquon Boldin for another 13, Doucet for another 8, and Hightower for 3 more to reach the Seattle 3 yard line with 16 seconds left in the half. Warner then fired the touchdown to Breaston, but offensive holding nullified what was up to then a perfect drive. Neil Rackers made the field goal as the Cardinals trailed 17-10 at intermission.

The Seattle defense had little time to rest despite halftime because the Cardinals took the second half kickoff and moved 82 yards in 13 plays in 7 minutes. The key play of the drive was the final play. On 4th and 1 from the Seattle 10, Ken Whisenthunt decided to go for it. Although Wells failed to pick up 3rd and 1, he took the 4th down carry the entire 10 yards for the tying touchdown at 17-17. Seattle then punted, and the Cardinals faced another 4th and 1, this time at midfield. This time Whisenhunt punted, and Seattle took over at their own 7 on a day where they had miserable field position throughout the game.

Again Seattle moved the ball from the shadow of their own goal. 12 plays and 5 1/2 minutes later, they had moved 92 yards to the Arizona 1. On 1st and goal Hasselbeck threw incomplete. On 2nd and goal Forsett lost a yard. With everything on the line, Hasselbeck fired incomplete, and on 4th and goal at the 2, Jim Mora Jr. sent out the field goal team. The kick had the Seahawks up 20-17 with 13 minutes left in the game, but the wasted opportunity would cost them dearly.

Arizona rapidly came right back. Warner fired a 37 yard pass to Boldin, and a 15 yard horsecollar tackle penalty had the Cardinals at the Seattle 13. Wells ran it in on the next play to give the Cardinals the lead at 24-20 with 11 1/2 minutes left. Seattle punted, and with 9 1/2 minutes left the Cardinals were backed up at their own 15. Warner hit Fitzgerald for 23 yards and Wells for 9 more. Wels then ripped off a 29 yard run on the ground. After a pair of 3 yard runs by Hightower, it came down to 3rd and 4 from the Seattle 18. Seattle had no defensive answers as Warner hit Fitzgerald for the touchdown to lock up the game.

Seattle was outscored 31-6 after taking their early lead, but this is a game of inches and the failure to make 36 inches was the difference. Hasselbeck furiously tried to rally Seattle, but after playing mistake free football all day, was intercepted twice in the red zone in the final 3 1/2 minutes, once at the 17 yard line and once at the 5 yard line. 31-20 Cardinals

Dallas Cowboys @ Green Bay Packers–In the 1990s these reams combined for 5 trips to the Super Bowl. The Cowboys are back and rolling under Tony Romo, while the Packers are reeling. Blaming Aaron Rodgers is not totally fair, since Brett Favre rarely beat Troy Aikman. Yet the Packers had just lost the Bay of Pigs, and this was a game the Cowboys had to be careful about after an emotional road win at Philly.

The Cowboys moved well on their first drive, but Nick Folk missed a 38 yard field goal. Mason Crosby missed a 52 yard field goal for the Packers to keep the game scoreless. The second quarter was just as ugly. With 4 minutes left in the half, Tony Romo hit Roy Williams for a 42 yard gain, but Williams fumbled the ball after being stripped by Charles Woodson, who made the recovery. Aaron Rodgers then fumbled the ball back as the teams remained scoreless for much of the half. Poor Dallas field position had Green Bat starting at midfield after a punt with 42 seconds left in the half. Rodgers hit Donald Driver for 24 yards and Crosby connected on a 48 yarder to have the Packers up 3-0 as the half ended. The third quarter was scoreless.

An ugly 3-0 game finally got going in the fourth quarter as Rodger led a 15 play, 80 yard drive that consumed over 8 1/2 minutes.  On 3rd and 11 from the Green Bay 34, Rodgers hit Greg Jennings for 14 yards. On 3rd and 13 from the Green Bay 45, Rodgers hit Lee for 17 more as the Dall as defense, which had played well all game, this time could not get off of the field. On 3rd and 6 from the Dallas 8, Rodgers hit Nelson for 7 yards and then Rodgers took it in himself on the next play as Green Bay led 10-0 with a little over 13 minutes left in regulation.

Romo had been harassed all game, and disaster struck when he was then sacked and fumbled. Green Bay took over at the Dallas 3. This was no Ice Bowl, so Rodgers tossed a 2 yard touchdown to Havner to put the Packers up 17-0. 11 minutes still remained, but the game was out of reach. Romo did move the Cowboys from their own 23 to the Green Bay one yard line, but with 6 minutes left, Romo was intercepted on a day when nothing went right for the Cowboys. They did reach the end zone with 38 seconds remaining to avert the shutout, but Green Bay had the win and perhaps a salvaged season after last week’s debacle. The Cowboys had a chance to take a big division lead, and instead the division remained up for grabs. 17-7 Packers

Philadelphia Eagles @ San Diego Chargers–Donovan McNabb and Philip Rivers both love to air the ball out, and Andy Reid and Norv Turner call many pass plays. The Eagles cannot convert on 3rd and 1 on the ground, so they have no choice, especially with Bryan Westbrook coming off of a concussion. Norvelous Norv Turner is the Rasputin of the NFL, as he keeps pulling off the Lazarus act in the great tradition of Wayne Fontes. San Diego was coming off of a thrilling win against New York at home, while the Eagles had lost a heartbreaker at home to archrival Dallas.

Field position gave the Chargers the ball at the Philly 40, and Rivers hit Tolbert for a 20 yard touchdown to put the Eagles up 7-0. In the second quarter Rivers led a 10 play, 6 minute drive that covered 82 yards and was capped off with a 3 yard Ladanian Tomlinson run that had the Chargers up 14-0. The Eagles took over at their own 22 and McNabb got them to the San Diego one yard line. On 1st and goal, a run failed. If I failed to mention it, Philly is awful in short yardage. McNabb threw incomplete on 2nd down, and on 3rd down, a run again went nowhere. For those who missed the last sentence, Philly is awful in short yardage situations. On 4th and goal from the 1, Andy Reid opted for the surrender, and the field goal had the Eagles trailing 14-3. With 4 1/2 minutes left in the half, McNab moved the Eagles in 14 plays 87 yards from their own 6 to the San Diego 7. Again they settled for a field goal as the Chargers led 14-6 at intermission.

In the third quarter, an unnecessary roughness penalty on the Eagles defense followed by a 20 yard toss from Rivers to Antoni Gates led to Tomlinson running it in from 20 yards out as the Chargers appeared headed for an easy win at 21-6. McNabb then began unleashing passing yards with reckless abandon. A 58 yard pass play to Avant led to a 3rd and 1 at the San Diego 7. Did I mention the Eagles were awful in short yardage situations? They should just take intentional penalties because they can complete 3rd and 6. On 3rd and 1 they did not even think of running it, and McNabb fired incomplete. On 4th and 1, a disgusted Andy Rid again waived the white flag and kicked another David Akers field goal as they trailed 21-9.

The magic yard line for the Chargers was the 20 yard line, and for the third time in the game, a 20 yard touchdown had them far ahead. Rivers hit Naanee for the score, and the Chargers led 28-9 in a game that had more excitement in the fourth quarter than a game like this should have had. With Norv Turner coaching, no lead is safe.

A 27 yard kickoff return had Philly at their own 46. McNabb hit Jeremy Maclin for 28 yards, and then he hit Avant for 21 more on 3rd and 18. On 3rd and goal at the 5, Andy Reid made sure the team did not reach the 1 yard line so that McNabb had room to throw. He hit Maclin for the 5 yard score as the Eagles got within 28-16 less than one minute into the last quarter. After a San Diego punt, the Eagles took over at their own 23 as McNabb simply fired at will.

On 3rd and 2 from the San Diego 26, the Eagles lost 2 yards. Oh by the way, the Eagles are awful in short yardage situations. Yet on 4th and 4, McNabb hit Captain Morgan Brent Celek for 17 yards. On 3rd and 5 from the 6, Reid ordered his team not to gain 4 yards. Yet McNabb hit Yo ho ho and a bottle of Rum Celek for the6 yard score as the Eagles were within 5 points at 28-23 with 7 minutes left. The 2 point conversion try failed, because Andy Reid could not have it moved back to the 5 yard line and his team refused to commit a penalty. Yet after 12 plays and 5 minutes, the Eagles had a shot to win.

Yet Rivers would not give them the ball back. He drove the team from the San Diego 23 to the Philly 11, bleeding almost all of the clock. A pair of 3rd down conversions killed the Eagles defense, who could not get the stop. With 30 seconds left, the Chargers did have to settle for a Nate Kaeding field goal, so the Eagles were within 8 points. From the Philly 34 with 24 seconds left, McNabb hit Jackson just past midfield. A 15 yard completion to Maclin had the Eagles at the Chargers 34 with 2 seconds left. Had they made the 2 point conversion, David Akers would have come in. However, it was up to McNabb. He had already passed for an insane 450 yards, but his Hail Mary was intercepted in the end zone. The Eagles missed a chance to get back to a tie in their division, while the Chargers are now within one game of collapsing Denver with a showdown against them next week. 31-23 Chargers

New England Patriots @ Baltimore Colts was the Sunday night game. Super Bowl 43 1/2 began with an exchange of punts, but on their second drive Peyton Manning moved Indy on a quick 90 yard drive that ended with a 20 yard touchdown pass to Jospeh Addai on a perfectly executed screen pass to put the Colts up 7-0. Tom Brady came right back with a 55 yard strike to Randy Moss to the Indy 6 yard line to set up Lawrence Maroney from one yard out to tie the game 7-7.

Early in the second quarter the Patriots drove to a 3rd and goal at the 4, but a sack of Brady ended the drive with a field goal as the Patriot led 10-7. On their next possession, Brady went deep to Moss for a 65 yard touchdown pass. They simply make the spectacular look ordinary, and the Patriots led 17-7. On their net series, Brady threw 36 yards to Ben Watson. Then he avoided a sack and hit Julian Edelman for a 10 yard touchdown pass as the game was turning into a blowout at 24-7 Patriots. Brady had 232 yards passing after only one and one half quarters.

Despite being stifled on all but one of their drives, Manning finally got the Colts. Helped along by a defensive pass interference penalty, Manning hit Reggie Wayne for a 20 yard touchdown in this game of big plays to get the Colts to within 24-14 with 4 minutes left in the half.

The third quarter was about turnovers and wasted opportunities. New England lost a scoring chance when Brady was intercepted in the end zone. Manning then went deep and was intercepted as well. New England then drove right down the field, but fumbled the ball away at the goal line. Yet despite dodging several bullets, the Colts ran out of luck when Wes Welker ran back a punt 69 yards to the Indy 7 yard line on the final play of the third quarter. Seconds into the fourth quarter, Brady’s touchdown to Moss had the Patriots up 31-14.

Manning brought the Colts right back in the hurry up offense, and less than 2 minutes later, a touchdown pass to Pierre Garcon had the Colts within 31-21. On their next drive, Manning was intercepted in Indy territory. The defense held the Patriots to a field goal, but with a little over 4 minutes remaining in the game, the Patriots led 34-28. Yet Manning came right back, and another defensive pass interference call on a deep ball had the Patriots at the 13 yard line. Joseph Addai ran it in from 7 yards out as the Colts closed to within 6 points with 2:23 left. The Colts had all 3 timeouts left and the 2 minute warning, so they decided to kick it deep despite lining up in an onsides formation. The kick was a touchback. The Patriots seemed disorganized as the Patriots took their second timeout before running a single play.

On 3rd and 2 from the 28, with 2:11 left, Indy took their second timeout as everything boiled down to the next play. An incomplete pass that was nearly intercepted and returned the other way fell incomplete. The Patriots took their final timeout and lined up to go for it. In what seemed to be just an attempt to drive the Colts offsides, Bill Bellichick really did decide to go for it. Brady threw a short pass that initially appeared to be a first down befpre the receiver was knocked backwards. However, since the ball was being juggled, forward progress was not granted. In a stunning turn of events, the Patriots turned it over on downs at their own 29 with 2:00 left. The Patriots were out of timeouts so they could not challenge the spot.

Manning fired one completion to the 14 yard line, and time was no longer a factor. Addai ran it down to the three yard line as the Patriots could not stop the clock on defense. With the Patriots smelling run, Manning fired to Wayne for the touchdown pass with 13 seconds left in the game. Matt stover kicked the extra point, and the Patriots 24-7 lead went down in flames in another game in this rivalry that will live forever. Bellichick will forever be questioned about going for it at their own 28 and wasting timeouts.

Instead of the Patriots getting within one game of the Colts, the Patriots fell to 6-3 as the Colts moved to 9-0. Home field advantage is already on the line at the midpoint, and the Colts are one step closer. Jim Caldwell has an unbeaten team, but this will be the game Bellichick lost for his team. The league is praying that the rematch comes in the AFC Title Game. 35-34 Colts

Baltimore Ravens @ Cleveland Browns was the Monday Night game. The 2009 Ravens have struggled, but luckily they were playing the 2009 Browns, who want to party like it’s 1999, when they were an “expansion” team that went 2-14. Describing the first half would be unfair to those who love football. The game was 0-0 at intermission, although the action was less exciting than that.

Reality set in for the Browns when Rice ran it in from 13 yards out to put the Ravens up 7-0. While Joe Flacco did not light up the scoreboard, Brady Quinn had a rougher night. He has finally come in and won his job back from Derek Anderson, although it might not be worth winning. Quinn did complete a 48 yard touchdown pass to Landry. Unfortunately for Quinn, Landry plays defense for the Ravens. The extra point was blocked, but the Ravens led 13-0. The Ravens added a field goal as the teams entered a final quarter that for some reason was not canceled. 16-0 Ravens


Super Bowl 43 1/2

Saturday, November 14th, 2009

In 1990, The New York Giants and San Francisco 49ers were both 10-0, with a showdown two weeks away. They both got their clocks cleaned in week 11, but a pair of 10-1 teams still played one of the greatest games ever played. Several weeks later in the NFC Title game, they played a game even better than the first one.

In 1994, after several epic battles, The Dallas Cowboys and San Francisco 49ers played in the NFC Title game. Pat Summerall coolly stated, “Two weeks from now we play the Super Bowl. Three weeks from now we play the Pro Bowl. Today, we play both.” The game lived up to its billing.

In 2009, we play a game that could be better than all of them combined.

The 8-0 Indianapolis Colts are playing the 6-2 New England Patriots in Indianapolis. As Terrell Owens would say, “Get your popcorn ready.”

Forget David vs Goliath. This is Goliath vs Goliath. This is a collision course at top speed.

Tom Brady is healthy again,  and in 2007 shattered NFL quarterback records in a single year. Peyton Manning is on pace to shatter all NFL quarterback records for all time.

Coach Bill Bellichick is a cool, calm, stoic chess master. Coach Jim Caldwell, likeTony Dungy, is an even keeled, thoughtful, disciplined master of calm.

Over the last several years, these two teams have dominated the NFL, and have taken turns dominating each other.

From 2001-2004, the Patriots racked up three Super Bowl rings, often after tough, hard fought, and occasionally lucky victories over the Colts. A 6-3 battle of field goals turned into a 20-3 Patriots win in the snow. A 4 interception game by Peyton Manning led to a 24-14 playoff win for the Patriots. A season opener had Edgerrin James fumbling at the one yard line and Mike Vanderjagt missing a field goal on the last play of a game the Patriots won 27-24. The best of the bunch might have been a 31-10 Patriots lead that turned into a furious Colts rally, where four Indianapolis tries from the one yard line turned an aerial show into a goal line stand and a 38-34 Patriots win.

Then in 2005 the tide turned, and it was the Colts who racked up the wins. They went into New England on Monday Night Football and thrashed them 40-27. Another night game had them winning 27-20, again on the road.

the 2006 season brought the greatest battle of them all, the AFC Title Game. That game will be a classic 100 years from now. A Peyton Manning interception for a touchdown had the Patriots up 21-3 in Indianapolis, on the way to their 4th Super Bowl and another year of crushing questions for Dungy and Manning.

Then the Colts came back, not by Manning throwing, but by running the ball. The last drive of the first half and the first drive of the second half had the New England defense on the field a long time. The Patriots led 21-13, but the defense was exhausted. The Colts defense continued to give up yards to the Patriots as well. The game was tied at 21, 28 and 31. The Patriots led 34-31 late in the game.

With Dominic Rhodes and Jooseph Addai ramming the ball down the throats of the gassed New England defense, the Colts took the lead 38-34 with one minute left. Tom Brady, whose career has many controversial miracles, had his luck run out that day. It was he who threw the interception that sent the Patriots home, and the Colts on the way to their first Super Bowl championship.

Both of these teams in 2007 had chips on their shoulders. The Patriots were caught in a cheating scandal, and wanted to prove their victories were earned honestly. They also wanted their crown back. The Colts were angry at being seen as underdogs on their home field, even though they were 7-0 for the 3rd straight year.

The Patriots had wide receiver Randy Moss, who was seen as the last piece of the puzzle. The Colts had hard hitting defender Bob Sanders, who the Colts would not have won a Super Bowl without.

The 2007 regular season game, billed by my as Super Bowl 41 1/2, lived up to the hype. The Patriots rallied from a 20-10 deficit to beat the Colts in Indianapolis 24-20.

The Colts went 14-2 in 2007, which got overlooked by the Patriots being the first team to go 16-0. The AFC Title Game dream matchup never happened as the Colts were shocked at home in the divisional round. An even bigger shocker had the Patriots losing in the Super Bowl.

2008 saw this rivalry ever so briefly disappear when Brady went down for the season in Week 1 with a knee injury. The Patriots went 11-5 but missed the playoffs. The Colts went 12-4, and gaain somehow exited early.

Yet 2009 has both of these teams back in top form. The 8-0 Colts have struggled at home the last couple of weeks, but Peyton Manning is as ridiculous as ever. Despite being 6-2, the Patriots are every bit as hungry and talented, especially on offense.

The argument for the Colts in the past is that they played in a real division. They beat quality teams such as the Tennessee Titans and the Jacksonville Jaguars on the road, and soundly in some cases. That argument does not hold this year.

The Patriots played in a pathetic division in 2007 where the 1-7 New York Jets are not even bad enough for last place thanks to the 0-8 Miami Dolphins. Those teams are better, but average at best. So neither team has a tough division.

Unlike past years, this game is expected to be less of  a pinball machine than  the Greatest Show on Turf Rams played from 1999 through 2001.

Whoever wins this game will most likely host the AFC Title Game for the 2009 season. After one of them wins the Super Bowl, they can open the 2010 season with another classic against the other team.

The Colts have the home field. However, the defense of the Colts has been riddled with injuries, with standout Bob Sanders out for the season. The Colts have barely survived the last two weeks at home against average teams.

My prediction: New England Patriots 27, Indianapolis Colts 24.

This game is not a Super Bowl or a Pro Bowl. It is both.

Are you ready for some football!!!!!

Super Bowl 43 1/2…Let’s get it on!!!


Chicago Bears At San Francisco 49ers

(49ers by 3, they cover)
Jacksonville Jaguars  At NY Jets

(Jets  by 7, they win but fail to cover)

Denver Broncos     At Washington Redskins

(Broncos by 3.5, they cover)
Cincinnati Bengals     At Pittsburgh Steelers

(Steelers by 7, they win but fail to cover)

Buffalo Bills    At Tennessee Titans

(Titans by 7, they win but fail to cover)
Detroit Lions     At Minnesota Vikings

(Vikings by   17, they win but fail to cover)

New Orleans Saints  At St. Louis Rams

(Saints by 13.5, they win but fail to cover)
Atlanta Falcons   At Carolina Panthers

(Falcons by 1.5, upset special, Panthers win outright)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers At Miami Dolphins

(Dolphins by 10, they cover)

Kansas City Chiefs  At Oakland Raiders

(Raiders by 2, they cover)
Seattle Seahawks  At Arizona Cardinals

(Cardinals  by  8.5, they win but fail to cover)

Philadelphia Eagles   At San Diego Chargers

(Chargers by 2, upset special, Eagles win outright)
Dallas Cowboys   At Green Bay Packers

(Cowboys by 3, they cover)
New England Patriots    At Indianapolis Colts

(Colts by 3, upset special, Patriots win outright)

Baltimore Ravens   At Cleveland Browns

(Ravens by 10.5, they win but fail to cover)


The Indefensible vs the Incomprehensible Part II

Friday, November 13th, 2009

While I have not had a Fatwa issued against me in several weeks, I did manage to offend people that absolutely deserved to be offended.

I am offering this as always as a private citizen, so do not claim that any other group represents my acid and non-pierced, non-liberal tongue

I recently attended a seminar at the University of Crooked Lying Arabists (UCLA) Middle East Studies Department.

Rebuttals were launched issued by Girshon Shafir and Zack Lockman. Shafir from now on shall be dubbed the Absent Minded Heblish Speaking Professor. Had he delivered his rebuttal verbally, I would have needed an interpreter, but in print one can judge for themselves.

While I do not speak Heblish or gibberish, and I certainly do not speak “Professorish,” in crystal clear English I am happy to educate the “educators” of this world.

I look forward to his academically inept (redundant, I know) rebuttal to my rejoinder to his diatribe about my critique of a conference where the ridiculous met the sublime and had sexual relations with the ludicrous.

Now to translate from the professorial dialect into English. With that, I bring the antonym to brilliance, Mr. Shafir.

“The premise of Eric Golub’s original article was that scholarly work is best viewed as blatant partisanship.”

No, the premise was that the conference was neither scholarly nor fair. It was blatant partisanship by people who simply congratulated each other inbetween bouts of spreading historical untruths.

“It should not be surprising that I provided no defense, either weak or robust, of Israel; this was an intellectual exchange over the merits and shortcoming of an analysis of the historical record.”

He is actually right. Given that this is the notoriously anti-Israel UCLA Middle East Studies Department, it should be no surprise that he would be there to offer a self-loathing Jewish position rather than defend Israel. I apologize for thinking that diversity would take place. As for the notion of an intellectual exchange of ideas, the two men both supported the Arab point of view. The only shortcomings were in the merits of their harmonious presentations, which lacked even a kernel of truth.

“Mahoney’s book, by the way, won the American Sociological Association Barrington Moore award for best book in comparative-historical sociology, and is widely used for elucidating a tight and formal model of path dependence.”

This is about as valid as claiming that something matters because the source won an Emmy, Oscar, Nobel Peace Prize, or honorary doctorate. Leftists give each other awards. I do not care if the author that was cited received a gold star from his mommy that was put on the refrigerator. Israelis were in Israel 3000 years before the invented fictional creatures known as Palestinians tried to simply steal what did not belong to them. No scholar would ever refer to the Arab versions of unicorns as “indigenous people.” That is partisanship, not scholarship. In fact, it is professorship.

“I am alleged to have looked at my own notes and said ‘I can’t read this.’ The reference, in fact, is to my quip in response to the moderator’s note telling me I had only one minute left.”

How would Gershon Shafir know what the note said if he could not read it? A couple of days to think and reflect is a great way to do what scholars call “correcting the record” and average Americans call “getting their story straight.”

“I will be glad to continue our discussion in the future; hopefully in front an audience all of whose members take good notes and appreciate the merits of academic scholarship.”

Again, I do not appreciate the merits of academic scholarship because too many academics are overglorified know-nothings that incorrectly use multi-syllabic words to hide factual deficiencies.

That is a fancy way of saying that my B.S. detector went off the charts the moment these professors tried to use glossy words to paper over what was basically a conference dedicated to bashing Israel. The professor himself even admits that he was absolutely not there to defend Israel.

He was treated with a modicum of politeness because he acted like an obedient leftist Jewish lapdog.

Lastly, he is not a history professor. He is employed by the sociology department at UCSD. This is a perfect fit for a leftist because sociology is about feelings, while history is a cold and unemotional collection of facts.

So at the risk of offending others whose opinions matter not at all, if UCLA uses sociology professors to try to give historical lectures, they may contribute to the stereotype that too many academics are able to write books, yet do not actually read them.

Pompousness is not the same as being educated. Calling oneself a scholar does not make it so.

So with all due (modicum of) respect to the absent-minded Heblish speaking professor, I think I will stick with my real world existence, where the towers are not ivory and the facts are not raped like the Jewish people have been by suicide-bomber Palestinian leaders and their supporters.

Now for some triple-L, in the form of Lockman literary lunacy.

“I feel compelled to express my severe disappointment and distress at your decision to post on the HNN website an item titled ‘Conservatives Feel Seminar Organized by Historian Gabi Piterberg ‘demonized’ Israel'”

How dare an alternative point of view be offered! No wonder these professors love UCLA Middle East conferences. They have a homogeneous left-wing point of view that nobody outside the fifteen people paying attention respects. They are the MSNBC of learning.

Somebody get Mr. Lockman his pacifier. Unlike academics, the real world still does allow freedom of speech.

“As you no doubt know, this account was originally written for, and first posted on, the Frontpage and Campus Watch websites — right-wing political outfits not generally regarded by historians or other scholars as reliable sources and notorious for trashing scholars with whom they disagree.”

Mr. Lockman now needs to blame Rush Limbaugh and Fox News to complete the attempt to shoot the conservative messenger. Ideological bigotry on the left is very simple. Declare any dissenting viewpoint as “right-wing.” Declare right wing opinions automatically invalid. Declare these same opinions “not respected.”

Who are these “scholars” I keep hearing about? I saw some professors in the room, but based on the lack of accurate information in the room, I did not see any scholars. Who considers Mr. Lockman a scholar? Other scholars I guess.

“It should have been obvious from even a cursory reading of the piece that this is not a serious attempt to convey the scholarly exchanges that actually went on at the conference or to take issue with what the participants actually said.”

Don’t mistake my delightful sense of humor for a lack of purpose.

I am deadly serious buddy boy. I am as serious as a Palestinian suicide-bomber loving professor qualified to work as either an organ grinder or a lecturer at the UCLA Middle East Studies Department.

I take total and complete issue with virtually every word the participants said. Eloquent liars are still liars.

“Rather, it is yet one more product of the campaign that Frontpage and Campus Watch have long waged against scholars who do not share these outfits’ political positions with regard to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.”

I work and think for myself. Frontpage and Campus Watch are much more polite than me. They are too polite to state that the conference was historically imbecilic, which is a scholarly way of saying full of garbage.

“Your guidelines indicate that you regard certain things as so beyond the pale that you would not publish them — the writings of Holocaust deniers, for example. I have to wonder, then, how you could have deemed such an obviously tendentious and distorted item worthy of dissemination by HNN.”

Invoking the Holocaust. Real classy. This is a thinly veiled way of calling me a Nazi, which is what leftist academics say about conservatives and Israel-supporting Jews. At least some of the participants had the decency to be overt and proud of their anti-Semitism.

“Beyond the pale” means he disagrees with me. “Distorted” or “taken out of context” is a fancy way of saying “completely within context, and I got caught.”

I am downgrading Lockman to Lockboy until he takes a timeout and ends his temper tantrum.

“I am all for the free exchange of ideas, and of course HNN should feature a wide range of viewpoints and promote vigorous debate.”

Somewhere Socrates is laughing.

Then again, let’s be fair, the Klan welcomed a wide range of white people into their organization, be they lily, eggshell, creme, and even light beige.

“But it is hard for me to understand how posting this article could be deemed to serve HNN’s goals. I very much regret that you apparently did not see things that way.”

I regret that Mr. Lockman would begin a sentence with “but,” “and,” or “or.” I guess one does not need to know basic rules of grammar to be an educator or self-declared scholar. At a conference that spent a great deal of time on literature, basic literary skills could be reasonably required.

In conclusion, the professors at this conference are upset that they were called out on their combination of bigotry, intolerance, and factually incorrect nonsense masquerading as education.

Oh, and I have an advanced degree. I rarely mention that because unlike many professors, I don’t need to mention my credentials every five seconds. That would make me professorial, which based on this conference, is an insult and affront to real people wanting to learn.

Those who can’t do, teach.

Those who can’t teach, give lectures at the UCLA Middle East Studies Department.

I apologize to any innocent organ grinders or monkeys I may have offended.


No More Heblish

Thursday, November 12th, 2009

I have had it with Israeli and Jewish spokespeople communicating in a fractured linguistic mess known as “Heblish.”

For those that have not been paying attention, Islamofacist terrorists declared War on America in the 1970s. In 2001, we finally declared war on them. As for Israel, these terrorists began their Jihad 1400 years ago. Israel has fought back brilliantly from a military standpoint. Yet from a public relations standpoint, it pains me as a Republican Jew to see the two worst marketed products on the planet be the Republican Party and Israel.

A badly marketed Republican Party is frustrating, but not life and death. Yet losing a public relations battle during a war is life and death.

America won the Vietnam War on the battlefield. We lost on the evening news. America routed the Taliban in Afghanistan and thrashed Saddam Hussein in Iraq, yet lost the battle back home by failing to forcefully rebut the editorial idiocy of the Jayson Blair Times.

With Republican Americans, the issue is one of public speaking. Ronald Reagan was that rare breed of human being that had a goodness of heart and a brilliance of communicating. George W. Bush had a noble heart, but his lack of articulateness hurt the party. He was content to let his deeds do the talking. This is commendable from a decency standpoint, but unfortunately, politics is about perception. It does not matter that Bill Clinton and Barack Obama offer vapid words that say nothing and mean even less than that. They sound good saying nonsense, which allows them to persuade people.

In the long run, the only thing that matters is if the message is communicated. It is in this vein that Israel is flailing, trailing, and failing.

I have enormous respect for the Israeli Defense Forces. The IDF are military geniuses. Yet they are not speakers. Nobody is perfect. Michael Jordan was unimpressive as a baseball player.

Israel is locked in a life and death struggle for its very existence. Israel has many opponents, from some Arabs to some Palestinians to their many sympathizers. Israel wins militarily but gets crushed in front of the cameras.

Saeb Arakat speaks perfect English. So does Hanan Ashrawi. So does Hussein Ibbish.

What does Israel offer?

Hebrew and English mixed together in a gibberish that only Israelis can understand.

Yes, I know this comes across as insensitive. So what? We are at war. I am not interested in feelings. I am interested in keeping Jews from being blown to Kingdom Come. If that means ruffling some feathers, the ends more than justify the means.

I am tired of listening to Shimon Peres talk about the “p*ss process.” Unless he is filming a commercial for prostate cancer, there is no p*ss process worth discussing.

Even the great “Bulldozer,” Ariel Sharon, failed to achieve diplomatically what he spectacularly achieved militarily.

The bottom line is unless one’s name is Benjamin Netanyahu, stay the heck away from the cameras. When the television cameras come, show them a picture of a test pattern.

Israelis are bright people. You don’t survive surrounded by enemies without lots of brains. Yet these same people that built a nation from nothing but orange groves…these same people that created the Middle East version of Silicon Valley…these same people have not spent enough money and time on English training classes. The results speak badly for themselves.

Americans want to hear crisp, clear English. That is what opens up checkbooks.

The Chabad Telethon raises millions every year. They don’t speak Heblish. They understand that if you want to do good things, you need money. People give money to people they like and trust, which means people they identify with.

The best example of this is my trip to Israel in 2008. I was a tourist, and Israel relies on tourism. The people that drove me around spoke perfect English, because they knew that this was their best chance of getting me to spend money. It worked.

The good news is that all is not lost. An Israeli soldier named Benjamin Anthony has formed an organization called “Our Soldiers Speak.” He is British educated, and passionately delivers the message of Israeli soldiers in a crystal clear voice. We need more guys like him.

I will never ever be qualified to serve in the IDF. I have never nor will I ever advise them on military strategy. Yet as somebody who speaks publicly on a regular basis, I implore Israelis to put aside their pride on this one and just learn perfect English.

I am trying to save Jewish lives. The enemies of Israel have figured out how to play the game. Israel must do the same. The fractured Heblish must stop.

Israel will succeed at this if they put in the effort. How do I know this?

Because they are me. They are you. They are us. They are our fellow Jews.


Thank You, and Welcome Home

Wednesday, November 11th, 2009

The yellow ribbons are tied around the trees. The flags are flying high. The hot dogs are on the grill. Lee Greenwood is singing “God Bless the USA” on the radio.

The kids are celebrating a day off from school.

Decent adults are honoring the heroes that make such days off possible.

To all the American soldiers and their loved ones, I wish you a peaceful Veterans Day.

I also have a simple message to every veteran on American soil.

Thank you. Thank you, and welcome home.

Welcome home.

We tell each other how much we support the troops.

Tell them.

In college I once said “Thank you and welcome home” to a Vietnam veteran. He began crying, saying that I was the first person in 20 years that said that to him.

My Rabbi often tells me that one small good deed can change the world, so I should make it a good one.

Send a care package. Videotape a statement. Send a written note. Help a homeless vet with a blanket or some food or help them find a shelter.

After what they did for us, it is the least we can do for them.

They don’t ask. They shouldn’t have to ask. We can still offer.

Give them that hearty handshake.

They lay it all on the line, and when they come back, deserve to hear it again and again.

So I will say it again.

Thank you and welcome home.