Archive for March, 2008

Burn in Hell Eliot Spitzer

Tuesday, March 11th, 2008

First, some dates in American history.

March 11th, 2004…The Madrid bombing. We must win the War on Terror at all costs.

March 11th, 2007…The Tygrrrr Express enters the blogosphere. I thank every single person that contributed in any way, shape or form. 118,388 hits and counting.

March 11th, 2008…Happy Anniversary to me, a sobering reminder of Madrid, and…skewering a man through song.

“I didn’t know if it was day or night. I started screwing everything in sight. Yet when stung by a cop it was the end of the line…I lost my career….Love Potion Client # 9.”

One of the worst human beings to ever enter politics is finally burnt toast.

Like most liberals and women, he will not resign or surrender. He will go kicking, screaming and browbeating to the poisonous end.

https://tygrrrrexpress.com/2007/08/liberals-and-women-never-resign-or-surrender/

Burn in Hell Eliot. I plan to Spitzer on your political grave.

For those who read the Tygrrrr Express and are used to me being civil, today the gloves are coming off. I want Eliot Spitzer destroyed. I want his insides ripped out.

This is not about liberal vs conservative. It is about a horrible man destroying decent people just because he can. It is about a bully finally getting decked between the eyes and crying. Not since I was in Junior High School have I wanted to see a man get belted so ferociously.

For those who saw the 1980s gangster movie, “New Jack City,” let me recall a scene for you. Ice-T played a cop. Wesley Snipes played a drug dealer. ICE-T finds out that Snipes’s character Nino Brown killed an innocent schoolteacher at random for sport. That was ICE’s character’s mother. ICE-T crashes through Nino Brown’s apartment with a motorcycle, shatters the glass, and punches Brown in the face repeatedly. When the shocked drug dealer cannot understand why business has gone bad, ICE-T responds, “F*ck business b*tch, this sh*t is personal!”

I disagree with liberals. The differences are ideological. I am quite bothered by the Clintons. They offend me from a moral standpoint. Yet with Eliot Spitzer, it is personal.

The man personally hurt me.

I am a creature of Wall Street. The opening bell of the stock market is like rocket fuel for me. I hear the sound, and in my best Mills Lane voice yell, “Let’s get it on!” Whether up or down, every day is a new adventure. The smell of money is within reach.

On the trading floor, my friends and I had a creative strategy for making money, and this strategy was utilized most effectively in a bear market when stocks were down. It was the closest thing to easy money I had ever made. I used to think that short selling was unpatriotic, because it was placing bets against corporate America. However, I later realized that I was playing a fair game by the rules, and that if the corporations did their jobs, made money, and proved me wrong, I would lose my bets.

Eliot Spitzer then came on the scene and waged a Jihad against traders. The Mutual Fund Timing Scandal had rocked Wall Street, and Mr. Spitzer was having difficulty obtaining high level white collar convictions for his “perp walks” in front of the cameras. So instead of pursuing the elephants, he went after mice with elephant clubs. He needed to look like he was doing something, anything, so he banned the trading strategy my friends and I were utilizing. The few hundred shares at a clip apparently were a bigger threat than the billions flowing into mutual funds.

I walked in the office one day, and was told that my trading strategy was illegal, and that I would have to find another strategy. That is a death sentence to a trader. Only the lucky few ever develop one winning strategy, much less two. I left the trading floor, a beaten and broken man.

Although I have built a good life for myself, I do not think I will ever enjoy the same excitement that came from the trading floor. My time is past with it. I am done.

Eliot Spitzer destroyed my trading career. I hope he forever burns.

Mr. Spitzer may be too old to know the fury of the music behind Guns n Roses, but lyrics from “Welcome to the Jungle” encapsulate my feelings.

“If you’ve a hunger for what you see…take it eventually…you can have anything you want, but you better not take it from me.”

Spitzer, don’t ever…and I mean ever…mess with my family or my livelihood…and think I won’t pray for vengeance. This was 2004. I still remember.

As the New York Attorney General, he became the second coming of Eliot Ness from the Untouchables. He believed that he himself was untouchable. He harassed Wall Street like the liberal bully that he is. He banked on the fact that so many liberals are obsessed with class warfare that they would just accept that all corporations were corrupt, and that Wall Street was the root of all that evil. Yes, there was some corruption, but not on the massive scale he envisioned. He used blackmail and threats to force companies into settlements, knowing that fighting back would be a public relations death sentence.

He was the White Knight in shining liberal armor, and he would get those big, bad, conservative, republican, Wall Street bankers.

Now the king of regulation and indictments has been indicted himself, for taking part in a prostitution ring.

Although criminal sanctions and punishments involving sexual behavior are usually only directed at republicans, this case might be an exception. Bill Clinton was able to get away with it because few people expected any decency from him. Eliot Spitzer built his career destroying others for what he deemed to be immoral lifestyles. He got violently bucked off his own moral high horse, and the moral concussion upon landing could not happen to a worse guy.

I could care less about his family. He did not care about mine.

It’s the hypocrisy stupid.

I hope that every liberal that has ever criticized Joseph McCarthy understand and accept why Eliot Spitzer needs the emotional equivalent of being dragged through the town square. Personally, I think the republican Majority Leader of the New York Senate should take him away in handcuffs, a nice perp walk for the cameras. After all, Spitzer did use his office to try and trump up charges against the Majority Leader, Joseph Bruno.

Make him emotionally bleed.

The next time a left wing crusader wants to be President by trampling on the rights of innocent human beings trying to make a living while babbling on it about caring about the little guy, he might want to make sure his own house is not rotting from the inside.

He may blubber in public about how he lost his honor. This is false. He never had any.

Mr. Spitzer, I declare your way of living illegal.

New York will now have a new Governor. Whether democrat or republican, they will be better because they are not you.

Hizzdishonor, let me say to you what you said to me back in 2004.

Mr Spitzer…you worthless bucket of scum…Mr. Love Potion Client # 9…

YOU’RE FIRED!

Now get the f*ck out of my office. I am a taxpayer, and it’s my mansion, not yours.

eric

Meeting Michael Medved

Monday, March 10th, 2008

At the Republican Jewish Coalition Winter Leadership meeting in Las Vegas featured many compelling speakers, with one of them being Michael Medved.

I have met Mr. Medved before, and his book “Right Turns” is a journey into how he went from being a liberal political activist to a conservative republican author, radio host, columnist, and film critic. Yes, he is a vegetarian who lives in Seattle, but do not be fooled. He is a Jewish republican, and a kind human being. When he saw me said, “Hi Eric, how are you?” He meets many people, and probably treats them all just as nicely.

With that, below are comments by Michael Medved.

“Jews are political junkies. We are 5% of the vote, and only 1.7% of the population.”

“There is a deadlock at the Presidential level. We have had close elections for 50 years. In 8 of the last 12 elections, the winner won with 51% of the vote or less. Ronald Reagan in 1980 had only 51% of the vote. Jews voted for the Meshuganah (crazy person) John Anderson. Americans are reliably divided.”

“We should all pray for the health of Jimmy Carter, since the funeral will be excrutiating. Nobody will be truthful.”

“In 2008, New York could be in play. John McCain will campaign ferociously in California.”

“In 2004, President Bush did better in Florida, partly because Joe Lieberman was not on the ticket.”

“Barack Obama is suspect on Israel issues. He has said, ‘No people have suffered more than the Palestinians.’ Jewish people are mainly idiotic and self destructive, yet even we understand that suicide bombers don’t love us. McCain said he would not talk to Hamas. So then Obama did say today that Hamas is the one terrorist group he would not negotiate with. Yet he would negotiate with Iran’s Ahmadinewackjob. Jews are unbearably sentimental, and Obama has been masterful answering the Jewish issue.”

“Hillary is easier to run against in the Jewish community.”

I respectfully disagree with that point of view, but republican Jews, and republicans in general, are sharply divided on who would be the weaker democratic foe.

Mr. Medved then made a mistake, and to his credit, immediately retracted the comment to set the record straight.

“Envoy Dennis Ross is supporting Obama.”

The crowd seemed shocked by this, but one member of the very politically sophisticated RJC audience pointed out that Mr. Ross, appointed by the first President Bush and retained by Bill Clinton, had offered to share his advice with all of the candidates. Obama had simply taken Mr. Ross on that offer the most. Mr. Ross had not endorsed anybody, and wants whoever wins to succeed on the thorny issue of the Middle East Peace Process.

To his credit, Mr. Medved sincerely thanked the person that corrected him, and was glad the record was set straight.

Mr. Medved then continued discussing Barack Obama.

“Reestablishing the old Jewish-Black Alliance is a desire of Jews and Obama.”

He then waded into Jewish voting trends that are counter to Jewish interests.

“George McGovern made anti-Israel statements. He often spoke about an ‘internationally divided Jerusalem.’ President Richard Nixon was supplying Israel in 1973 with weapons to save Israel. McGovern was on the Senate floor speaking against this. McGovern still got 65% of the Jewish vote.”

“Jews do not vote based on Israel. President Bush is not playing an international chess game. He genuinely believes and loves Israel in his heart. 70% of Israelis backed President Bush over John Kerry.”

Mr. Medved then got to the heart of what is presentation of why the Jewish community votes against its own interests.

“Why are Jews liberal? Because they have a fear of Christianity. Woody Allen is not one of the great philosophers of all time. We have different attitudes towards Israel…and families. So what unites Conservative (politically) Jews and liberal Jews? We have only one thing in common. We do not believe Jesus is God. With liberal Jews, the only Jewish identity is a negative. Liberal Jews are allergic to Christianity. This is why they cannot support President Bush, despite his being the most Pro-Israel President ever. In a 1999 debate, he stated that his favorite philosopher was Jesus Christ. At that moment, he was done among liberal Jews. They recoiled.”

“Let freedom ring, and let victory prevail in the land of the free.”

One area of contention is that Israel is always asked to show restraint in the face of terror. They are told that their responses are “disproportionate.” Mr. Medved had his opinion.

“Israel should be proportionate. We should send rockets and kill schoolchildren. Those who claim to care about human rights do not care when Gaza rockets are aimed at Israel.”

Another questioner wanted to know how republican common sense could be used to infiltrate liberal Rabbis.

“Mona Charen once said that liberal Jews are basically ‘the democratic party with holidays.’ Every Jew is born an expert on politics. Reform Judaism has been hurt by its confusing religion with politics.”

Mr. Medved was then asked if there was a Jewish guilt factor regarding Obama.

“Yes, there is a Jewish guilt factor that goes back to the Civil Rights days. Yet if we truly want to honor Martin Luther King Jr.’s dream, we should judge Obama and McCain by the content of their character, not the color of their skin. Pigmentation as an item of religious favor is Unamerican.”

With regards to Mike Huckabee, Medved replied, “We all love Huckabee, but there’s a time Governor, there’s a time.”

With regards to illegal immigration, Mr. Medved holds a sensible position that President Bush and Senator McCain seem to understand.

“26% of children born today are Latino. 22% of illegals are Asian. They arrived in airports. 10% of illegals have college degrees. Until McCain, the GOP was headed towards a permanent train wreck. The Tom Tancredo wing of the party will leave the GOP doomed to permanent minority status, and will never win an election. The democratic playbook is banking on heavy support from Latinos. McCain won 70% of Latinos in Arizona, and by a 6:1 margin over Mitt Romney in Florida. 40% of illegals have a blood relative that is a U.S. citizen. Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush had large Latino support.”

The night before Mr. Medved spoke, I had a chance to sit down with him and one other person for about 20 minutes. He spoke about the need to show compassion for all of God’s children,. whether black or white, gay or straight, religious or secular. Mr. Medved is simply a sincere person with honest convictions, and is able to express them with humor and likability. He is not afriad to take on those on the left or the right that allow vitriol to get in the way of what the ultimate goal is…to make the world a better place.

As always,  it was a pleasure to see Michael Medved. His mind is sound and logical, and his heart is in the right place, with the emphasis on right.

eric

Wyoming and Mississippi Exist

Sunday, March 9th, 2008

Barack Obama trouncing Hillary Clinton in Wyoming is not what matters. His most likely thrashing of her in Mississippi is not the issue either. What is actually relevant in this demicratic primary is that liberals are discovering what conservatives have known for a long time about places like Wyoming and Mississippi. Liberals are figuring out that these places actually exist.

As much as it pains me to say it, one of the biggest lunatics in the democratic party, and boy does that say a lot, was right about an issue. Howard Screaming Dean wants the democratic party to run a 50 state strategy. Democrats are right now an 18 to 20 state party. Even on the rare occasions when they eke out Presidential election victories, they can’t govern because too much of America is put off by them.

Yes, liberals are seen as a bunch of effete snobs that attend wine and cheese parties and worship Pre-Sarkozy France. Outside of big cities containing many minorities, nobody likes these people.

This can be seen in Hillary Clinton trying to basically steal the democratic nomination by any illegal means necessary. Her main strategy is to invalidate the states that vote for Barack Obama.

The logic goes something like this: Hillary Clinton won Massachussetts. Massachussetts is liberal. Therefore, she is the best representative for the democrats. Obama won Idaho. Idaho is conservative. Therefore, since the republicans will win Idaho anyway, his victory is meaningless.

Hillary, her arrogance towards red state America neverending, wants to run a 20 state election. Obama talks about uniting people. Hillary talks about defeating the evil republicans.

One cannot govern effectively when they write off a large segment of America and tell those people, “We don’t need you. You don’t count. You don’t matter.” It is this misguided thinking that keeps many republicans from going into black neighborhoods looking for votes. For awhile, republicans ignored Jews. An amazing thing then happened. Somebody in the republican party actually decided to talk to them and listen to them, and more Jews are voting republican than a few years ago.

Hillary cannot understand that people who shop at Walmart, go hunting, watch football and Nascar, and enjoy staying home and baking cookies, are actually people worthy of her association. She is married to one of these people, but make no mistake about it. She has contempt for Middle America. It is not about liberal vs conservative. It is about elitism vs the dignity of ordinary people that are extraordinary in their own way.

Hillary won by small margins in large states, while Obama won by large margins in small states. Obama is generating enthusiasm in places where republicans normally dominate. Hillary argues that those states are unwinnable in a general election anyway. How does she know this? Has she tried?

Changes do not happen overnight. Let’s say Idaho votes for republicans by a 30 point margin. If Idaho only goes for the republicans by 15 or 20 points this time, that is still making inroads. It will not be enough time to help Hillary, but it would be good for the party overall in the long run.

That is the crux of the issue. Hillary does not care about the party. She never has. If she loses this primary race, she will do everything but publicly endorse John McCain, the same way she could barely hide her glee when John Kerry was defeated.

Yet for a woman who says she is ready to lead on day one, she might want to do less talking and more listening. There are 30 states that she does not want to bother with. When she loses them, she dismisses them as unimportant. It is not that they are lost causes for democrats. It is they do not like her. This is in keeping with her attitude that a vote against her is a vote against all women.

I will not be voting for Barack Obama in the general election. I am backing John McCain. Yet at least Obama will go into states that have not been friendly to democrats and talk to people. Red state voters are not the enemy. They are Americans, and no bad ever came out of offering a sincere hearty handshake to good people, regardless of affiliation.

Hillary will dismiss the results from Wyoming and Mississippi. Others know the truth. It is they who rejected her first.

Obama is far from perfect on issues that most voters in Wyoming and Mississippi care about, but I give him credit. At least he recognizes that these people exist.

eric

Entering Victoria’s Secret

Saturday, March 8th, 2008

I am not a brave man. I freely admit that I am a girly sissy pansy boy.

It is snowing in Chicago, and I am deathly afraid the fat white oversized wet things are going to find me, give me influenza, and kill me. While the Chicago Cannonball is frolicking around in a pajama top, making this city very bearable, I can only say that I am glad I did not have to embarrass myself to buy that silver piece of cloth.

Those silk pajamas were bought in Thailand. That was not scary. I went into a normal store and bought them. I do not speak Thai, but it was a regular transaction. I did not have to go into the place that turns this Tygrrrr into a lamb. I did not have to venture into Victoria’s Secret.

Yes, this republican becomes very ultra conservative when the topic is women’s underwear. I do not mind biting them off of a woman with my teeth, but don’t make me buy them. I am just not into the details and nuances required to buy the stuff. Why can’t women be like men and just go into a grocery store and buy Hanes? I mean they fit fine, and Inspector 12 made sure they were quality.

I had to go into Victoria’s Secret in 1990. A girl I liked worked there in the mall. Would it have killed her to have worked in the food court instead? Then we could have gotten free pizza or something. No, I had to pick her up in Victoria’s Secret. I took a female friend with me to the mall for moral support.

When my friend could not understand why I was so intimidated by that place, I told her that men should not go in there. She pointed out that lots of men go in there, but my response, which I maintain to this very day is that “Men who are in Victoria’s Secret are way too happy to be in there.”

Instead of going in to get my date, I sent my friend in. I knew that would be manly. One reason the date liked me when we met was because I came across as a tough guy. My plan failed when my friend came back out and said, “Eric, she is gorgeous, you have to go in there and get her.” When I asked why my friend did not simply bring her out, I was told that I was to go in.

With much trepidation, I entered the store, looking all around to see who was looking at me. A saleswoman was looking at me and ready to approach me. I was scared to death, wondering why any saleswoman would talk to me in that store. Couldn’t she look at me and have her female ESP tell her that I was not a customer? The woman asked me, “May I help you?” I replied, “No!” and then ran out of the store.

I then told my friend we were going home. So yes, I pased up a chance to meet a gorgeous girl because it is better to be seen as a (insert bad word women use for guys who act like whateve that word is) than a women’s underwear pervert.

While I vowed to never go in again, my Hebrew faith led me back into the store. For those wondering what Judaism has to do with lady’s underwear, the answer is simple. 18 is a lucky number in Jewish culture. My dear friend “Sir Sleep A Lot” was visiting from Israel. He needed to buy something sexy for his fiancee. Given that 2008 was 18 years after my last visit, I had to go in.

The worst part was listening to the salespeople ask him exactly what the contours of his fiancee were. Apparently there are different types pf underwear for different women. I refused to listen to the presentation, scared that somebody from the republican party would enter the place and compare me to Larry Craig or something. Then again, if they are republicans, what are they doing in Victoria’s Secret anyway?

Sir Sleep A Alot could not figure out a way to explain to the salespeople that his girlfriend would make Sir Mix A Lot’s girlfriend proud. For those that are not up on rap music from 15 years ago, the song was “Baby Got Back.”

Luckily I had a 21st century reference. I told my friend to tell the saleswoman that his fiancee had a “badonkadonk.” He had trouble saying the word, but the saleswoman understood and smiled. I am glad I did not have to bring up my unhealthy fascination with Monique from Showtime at the Apollo to explain it further.

While some men may find it erotic to have a well endowed saleswoman discussing the romantic possibilities of edible underthings, I just kept staring at my watch and wondering how long it can take to throw something in a box and buy it. As I said, I do not mind the end results at home, but I don’t want to go throug the process of purchasing them. If the lord wanted me to get erotic lingerie in front of the world he would not have created the internet with help from Al Gore. Besides, given what a pantywaist Gore is, I am sure he is an expert about Victoria’s Secret. Tipper did say he was a great lover. He is stiff after all.

The saleswoman saw my discomfort, and finally asked me why I felt that way. I stated that “I am sure most of the men who come in here are perverts, and I prefer not to be lumped in that category.” She laughed, but I continued.

“Be honest, how many guys try to buy the mannequins?” Sir Sleep A Lot was mortified at the thought, gentleman that he is, but my suspicions were confirmed. Men do offer to buy the Mannequins. Some men only want the appendages! I was in a store where guys try to traffic in fake human body parts! Are you kidding me?

I just am too incredibly, dare I say it, normal. My answer to everything is “Strawberry.” When I worked at a gift store in 1994, I was in charge of coffee mugs. If you wanted to know about mugs, I was your mug man. The store sold cute “Hello Kitty Stuff,” greeting cards, and other seasonal merchandise. Yet they had a small erotica section, and when a girl asked me which flavor of edible underthings was best, I went back to ask the manager. She told me in those situations to just recommend strawberry and move on to the next customer.

I am the son of retired schoolteachers for crying out loud. I am not descendant from people who buy mannequins, blow up dolls, or underwear that talks back in a sexy voice. I have no idea if that exists, but some sick twisted individual will invent if they have not already.

Maybe I should be more sympathetic towards Bill Clinton. I will wave my finger at America and say that I had no knowledge of any aforementioned panties, not one time, never. I have not once ever wondered what underclothing Hillary Clinton or Bea Arthur wear, and you should all be disgusted for bringing it up.

As for the Chicago Cannonball, at least she is using her laptop for something productive while I release my anxieities to the blogosphere. I could make another remark about her “laptop,” but I am not that sophomoric. She does have much nicer underclothing than me, but if asked to testify before Congress, she bought it without my help.

The snow is coming down hard, and I do not see myself leaving the bedroom. I pray that the Chicago Cannonball does not turn into one of those women that sends a guy out into the cold and snow to shop for feminine hygiene products. Being emasculated once every 18 years is enough for this nice Jewish boy from a good family.

Is it 2026 yet?

eric

My Meeting Prime Minister John Howard

Friday, March 7th, 2008

At the most recent winterly quarterly meeting of the Republican Jewish Coalition in Las Vegas, I had the pleasure of meeting John Howard. The former Prime Minister of Australia will go down as one of the great leaders of all time.

One aspect of his visit that was so special was that his speech was the very first one he made to any American audience since giving up his Prime Minister post in November of 2007. The day after his final race for office, I offered him a hearty thank you on my blog.

https://tygrrrrexpress.com/2007/11/godspeed-mr-john-howard/

One columnist speculated why this popular man was not even more popular, and attributed to his everman appeal.

“It is puzzling that Howard doesn’t have a higher global reputation. Perhaps it is because he looks like a branch bank manager from Waga Waga.”

http://www.realclearpolitics.com/articles/2006/05/howards_australia_a_conservati.html 

Ambassador Mel Semblor, in his introduction of Mr. Howard, mentioned some significant historical moments involving Australia and Mr. Howard. On 9/11, Mr. Howard was in America in Washington, D.C. at the time of the attack. He was not able to leave for several days, but after a few days was escorted safely back home on Air Force 2. After the attack, he recalled the common bonds of America and Australia, and boldly stated on behalf of all of Australia that “this is no time to be an 80% ally.” That remark won him plaudits for him and his nation.

http://www.realclearpolitics.com/articles/2006/06/why_i_love_australia.html

Australia is the only nation to have fought along side America in every single war in the 20th and 21st centuries. In 1962, a young John Howard stated that he had a “personal regard for Israel and the Jewish people, and that they should never be diminished.”  

Below is the substance of Prime Minister John Howard’s remarks, with substance being an understatement.

“While Australia and America have many common bonds, there are two differences that stand out. In Australia, unlike America, blue is a good color and red is a bad color. Also, in Australia, the liberal party is the conservative party.”

Mr. Howard expressed his deep affection for America, Israel, and the Jewish people in general. Speaking of in general, he took great pride in pointing out that one of the great military leaders of all time was an Australian Jewish man named Sir John Monash. He led critical victories in war in 1918.

John Howard’s middle name is Winston. While his being named after Winston Churchill in itself may seem common enough, what makes this special is that John Howard was born in 1939, before Churchill became the Prime Minister of Britain. Mr. Howard’s father saw greatness in Winston Churchill before the rest of the world did, and named his son after a man he just knew would be great. Mr. Churchill was not only a defender of liberty over tyranny, but also a friend and admirer of the Jewish people as well.

Like Mr. Churchill and few since, Mr. Howard understands and articulates in a crystal clear manner the titanic struggle the civilized world faces today.

“The most important thing we must possess is cultural self belief.”

“The enemy, the Islamofacists, despise freedom of women in our society. They despise the fairness and justice of our judicial system. Their greatest weapon is that over time, our cultural self belief will fade. We must have a federal cultural compact. They despise weakness most.”

He stated that those who believe that peace can come from understanding the cultural beliefs of the Islamofacists are creating a “temporary illusion on borrowed time.”

“The greatest force for good in the world are the power of free peoples.”

He visited Iraq last March, and sat down with General David Petraeus. General Petraeus literally wrote the book on counterinsurgency, and he understood “the simple doctrine of ‘clear and hold'”

Mr. Howard was baffled by those who want to help Afghanistan reach democracy, but deny the asme noble goal in Iraq. “It is naive in the extreme, and an odd piece of logic, that the Afghanistan War is good and the Iraq War is bad.”

Mr. Howard also made it clear to separate Islamofacists from all Muslims. “Australia has 20 million people. Indonesia is the largest Muslim nation, with 200 million people. The Prime Minister of Indonesia is a moderate who ‘concentrates the mind on making sure relations are good'”

Since Indonesia became a democracy again in 1998, they have elected a Pro-Western leader. “We must work with Muslim nations that are moderate.”

“We are free because we fought tyranny and oppression. Our way is not perfect, but as a political system with all its nuances, it works.”

Mr. Howard then delivered the line that has given him worldwide standing ovations.

“Those who want Sharia law, live in a country that has it!”

“People who come to Australia, I only ask they become Australians. Australian life does not resemble Sharia.”

“I enjoyed the roast last night (of the RJC Executive Director). Like in Australia, roasts are a way of saying uncomplimentary things in a complimentary way. The RJC has gone from having meetings in a telephone booth to a large convention center in a few years.”

“History will treat President George W. Bush with increasing kindness and approval.”

Mr. Howard was asked if he had advice for the next American President regarding the issue of appeasement of Islamofacists.

“Not all Muslims are extremists, but avoid the ‘muffled description’ of the language of the BBC and CNN, such as referring to terrorist activities as ‘military incursions.’ Plain language is important, avoid cultural self doubt. John McCain will not have a problem with any of this.”

He was thena sked why other nations besides Australia were not standing tall besides America.

“Besides President Bush, there has been Tony Blair in England, as well as Stephen Harper in Canada.”

When asked about Iran, he stated that he is “skeptical of the view that Iran is not developing nuclear capability.”

He offered sobering comments regarding Pakistan.

“Pakistan is one of the most important countries in this puzzle. It has some unstable, Pro-Taliban elements. President Pervez Musharraf cops a lot of criticism, but he has put his hand up for America. We should never forget that in 2001 they backed the right side. The alternative might be worse, not as Pro-Western. Pakistan is a real tinderbox. Let’s not imagine that the alternative is Pro-Western.”

He was asked how we find moderates to deal with.

“After Bali (the nightclub disco bombing by Islamofacists), there was an eye opening investigation, and a level of cooperation with the Indonesian police that gave me hope. The killers were brought to justice. They killed 88 of our people. We have common cause with people that have been terrorist victims. More Muslims have died from terrorism than Jews or Christians anywhere in the world except Israel. ”

One questioner wanted to know how we get Russia back on our side.

“Speaking frankly, I am not sure Russia has ever been on our side. Sparking World War I, they were behind the assassination of Australian Archduke Franz Ferdinand. They backed Serbia over Ksovo. Vladimir Putin is an ‘interesting man,’ the first ever Russian head of state to visit Australia. Russia wants to be the next world superpower. There is no other superpower in the forseeable future but the United States of America. Russia has been difficult over Iraq, along with ‘another nation.'”

After the speech, I got to meet Prime Minister Howard. I had actually met him the night before at the gala dinner proceeding the conference. He was warm and friendly. He was among friends, but so were we. I did not bring the gift I had for him that night, so I was lucky I got to see him after his speech to give him his gift, that being the aforementioned article I wrote for him thanking him for his service to the world.

I said to him, “Mr. Howard, it is an honor sir. It is fitting that you admire Mr. Churchill. I am a republican blogger. While you say the history books will be kind to President Bush, I want you to know that they will also be very kind to you. To praphrase Mr. Churchill, it is because I will be writing that history, and my keyboard will get the job done.”

He was thankful and grateful, and beyond pleasant.

I also met Mr. Howard’s wife Jeannette. An elegant and refined woman that appeared to combine the steel of Margaret Thatcher with the grace of Nancy Reagan, I reminded her of a comment her husband made in his speech about various past American Presidents. I then reminded her of another tradition.

“Mrs. Howard, It is also a tradition in America for defeated Presidents and Presidential candidates, especially republican ones, to come back and rule again. Is your husband ready to enjoy his vacation and then rule Australia again in 2010?”

She laughed warmly but emphatically stated, “10 years of anyone ruling anything is enough. We had our time, and it is time to move on.”

After taking a couple pictures with Mr. Howard (he was pleased that I asked Mrs. Howard to be in the pictures as well), I thanked him again for his service and bade him Godspeed.

Between their dignity, grace, class, and kindness, it is nice to know that beneath that sincere veneer lay spines of steel. These people never “went wobbly.” They maintained their “stiff upper lips.”

May God bless Prime Minister John Howard and Mrs. Jeannette Howard.

I would say that the history books will vindicate John Howard and prove him right, but I am prepared to accelerate that vindication.

Mr. Howard, it is not that you will be right. You already are. I and many others in the free world thank you.

eric

A Republican Jewish Party in Las Vegas

Thursday, March 6th, 2008

The Republican Jewish Coalition held its quarterly leadership meeting in Las Vegas on Tuesday. As always, it combined a diverse group of speakers united by three common threads: 1) A Jewish perspective…2) A Politically right of center perspective…3) Most importantly, probably due to reasons 1 and 2, a significant and relevant perspective.

This conference may have occurred on March 4th, but it was no democratic primary. It mattered. As a member of the RJC leadership in California, I attend their leadership meetings not just to see old friends and make new ones, but to learn. These meetings are not for the intellectually faint hearted. With apologies to Gertrude Stein, there is plenty of there there.

The gala dinner the night before the meetings was a tribute to Republican Jewish Coalition Executive Director Matt Brooks, who was celebrating his 20th anniversary with the organization. It has often been stated that the number of republican Jews could fit in a phone booth. Apparently that memo was lost on the 30,000 members of this organization. Matt has played an instrumental role in this outreach.

The leader of the California chapter of the RJC is Larry Greenfield, and in a previous life he and I were soulmates. He is a conservative republican with a background in the military and Wall Street, as well as a football fan. I told him I was not going to this meeting because I had more important expenditures at the time. Larry then informed me that former Australian Prime Minister John Howard would be the featured speaker. Knowing that this was the political equivalent of feeding crack to a junkie, I shook my fist to the sky, said, D@ng you Larry Greenfield, and happily attended. With the exception of becoming a liberal, I cannot think of a reason to say no to anything Larry asks me.

Ari Fleischer gave the opening roast of Matt Brooks. As he said, a roast is a way of saying uncomplimentary things in a complimentary way. Ari handled it well, as expected.

John Howard is a legend. Last year the RJC’s featured guest was Vice President Dick Cheney. Like Mr. Cheney, Mr. Howard is an understated man whose significance to the world cannot be overstated. His visit to the RJC conference was his first visit to the United States since leaving his post as Prime Minister. The man is a rock star, and the RJC must be given credit for landing him as the featured guest. Mr. Howard is an admirer of Winston Churchill (his middle name is Winston), and I let him know that as a blogger, in the spirit of Churchill, history would be very kind to him because I would be writing that history. He was thankful and appreciative.

Vice President Cheney’s former Chief of Staff Scooter Libby was in attendance. He received a standing ovation, justifiably so. Given that Jews have suffered much persecution, it is no surprise that Mr. Libby is a sympathetic figure to many. Witch hunts know no bounds, and I hope that if they ever come for me, somebody will be there to speak up. Mr. Libby also has a bond with Jewish republicans, given that Jewish liberals want to destroy Jewish republicans and Bush appointees with reckless abandon simply for existing. I told Mr. Libby that I will continue to pray for him and his family.

Radio talk show Michael Medved gave a brilliant presentation on why Jews are overwhelmingly politically liberal. His message is not entirely new, but it is such an intelligently delivered and relevant message that it needs to be hammered into every person who fails to understand the complicated dynamic that is the Hebrew people.

I had a nice conversation with Michael Medved and David Blumberg, who is trying to singlehandedly turn San Francisco republican red. He has not succeeded yet, but give him time. He is also a Wall Street guy, and wears his Bay Area republicanism proudly. As for Mr. Medved, he interviewed Richard Baehr from “The American Thinker” on his radio program. As always, Richard offered insightful analysis on everything from the 2008 elections to health care issues, his area of expertise.

An energy panel that included Cliff May, Dr. Gal Luft, Dr. Robert Zubrin, and Steven Hantler was simply brilliant. Reducing American dependence on foreign oil is an issue that can unite environmental liberals and national security conservatives. Dr. Luft might be one of the world’s foremost experts on flexible fuel vehicles. President Bush has stated in the past that America is “addicted to oil.” This panel offered a blueprint to break that stranglehold.

David Frum, author of the book about President Bush called “The Right Man,” led a group discussion that was focused on trying to make the republican party the majority party again. From 1980 to 2002, the republican party made gains. In 2002, there was actually party parity with the demagoguic and republican parties. Since then, the democrats now have a 5 to 3 voter advantage, back to the 1980 levels.

Many on the left will theorize that liberalism is simply the dominant philosophy. Of course, this is wrong. The republican party has great ideas, but no matter how good a product or service is, it must be marketed effectively. Mr. Frum focused on how conservatives can effectively mesh sound policy with a winning electoral strategy. One advantage we have is that we are united. The RJC did endorse Senator John McCain for President, and will work tirelessly to help elect this American hero and staunch friend of Jewish people and Israel.

Not to put the other RJC members to shame, but Las Vegas is about gambling, and the money I invested in a one armed bandit before I left Las Vegas yielded a spectacular 75% return. I then invested my $1.75 in a bottle of soda, which was 100% kosher.

While I could have rolled over those winnings another few hundred times, allowing me to be a member of the Chairman’s Council, such economic programs are best left for those that are not burdened by cumbersome concepts such as reality, that being most liberals, especially Jewish ones.

So while my $1 gamble did not allow me to grow rich financially, this conference absolutely nourished my brain, and those of virtually all in attendance.

America is locked in a life and death struggle to save all of humanity. Civilization cannot be rescued with platitudes, or even “solutions” disguised as platitudes. It requires rolling up our proverbial sleeves, and getting down to business. While there was entertaining aspects to the RJC quarterly winter leadership meeting, this was a serious business and policy conference.

I wish the Republican Jewish Coalition continued success, and look forward to a day when the words republican and Jewish become redundant.

eric

From the Iron Man to the Dragon Lady

Wednesday, March 5th, 2008

Today is blasphemy Wednesday.

Before getting to the disaster that was Taco Tuesday, it is inspiring to think about perfection.

Like many, I constantly strive and fail to reach perfection. As a kid, even though I hated school, I was always afraid that the one day I missed, good things would happen. I never got the perfect attendance award. Several years I missed one day. My parents knew I was not one to play hooky, and they insisted on keeping me home when I was ill. I just couldn’t get through without missing that one day.

I have been with my current firm for over three years. For three years I did not miss a day of work. I took my vacations, but did not call in sick. I remember James Caan in “The Program” asking one of his football players, “Are you injured or are you hurt?” When the player wanted to know the difference, the coach replied, “If you’re injured, you can’t play. If you’re hurt, you can play.”

I have been hurt, but not injured. So I went to work. I would get bored out of my mind at home, given how much I hate daytime television. So I go to the office and tough it out. Yet a few weeks ago I was down for the count. It was a Thursday, and I knew that if I could hit the showers by 8:30am, like I always do, being in at 9am was easy. At 8:22am I was sitting on the floor of the bathroom, unable to stand up. The shower was right there. 11 minutes later, at 8:33am, I gave it one final push. I could not get up. At 8:35am I called the boss. He was surprised, but I told him, “I’m injured.”

By the early afternoon I felt well enough to come into work. I could work a half day, and make up the hours, and keep my streak intact. Yet logic took over, and I decided to stay home. The next day I started a new streak.

Three hours seems impressive, but 17 years without missing work is more impressive. This is why the flags are flying half staff today at Green Bay, Wisconsin. Quarterback legend Brett Favre announced his retirement after 17 NFL seasons. The iron man of professional football did not miss a single game. From the third week of the 1992 season to the crushing overtime loss in this year’s NFC Title Game, Brett Favre had 100% perfect attendance. He was the Cal Ripken of football.

Many are questioning why he would retire when his team was so close to the Superbowl last year. Some are speculating that the inability to land Randy Moss played a role. Yet his reasons are his own.

Steve at www.norunnyeggs.com is most likely in mourning today. Pray for him.

Perfect attendance is impressive, but the one thing to keep in mind is that showing up is not enough. Had I gone to work the day I was sick I would have slept at my desk, contributing not an ounce of productivity. I would have been cheating myself. Perfection should not have an asterisk next to it.

Brett Favre battled a painkiller addiction early in his career, but he never cheated the game of football. He went all out, all the time. He won a Superbowl, and was one drive away from possible back to back titles. His fourth quarter comebacks are numerous. He has shattered the record books, leaving as the all time passing leader in several categories. His record of accomplishments is as lengthy as his 17 years, and he is a lock to be a first ballot Hall of Famer.

I think about this because it seems that in politics, unlike sports, merit does not seem to matter. People make claims, and those claims are just accepted. People do not have to prove themselves. They do not have to take responsibility for their own actions. Congress works Tuesday through Thursday, and praises itself for hard work. Resume padding is the norm.

This is how Hillary Clinton, a woman with no notable accomplishments, can brag about her 35 years of experience. She is now 60 years old. That means that when she graduated law school at age 25, her experience began. Does anybody think that those years contributed anything to her readiness today?

She cites several examples of her experience. One is how she fought for universal health care. So what? She lost. She failed. This does not make her a bad person, but we do not reward people in life for trying. We reward people for results. Hillary Clinton attempted to do something, and she failed. This is not an accomplishment.

She also discusses her role in bringing peace to Northern Ireland. She had nothing to do with the Irish peace process. It was George Mitchell, a seasoned Senatorial veteran with years of experience involving negotiations, who got the job done.

Hillary speaks of her standing up to the Chinese with regards to the rights of women. Again, so what? This did not lead to a policy change of any kind. She made  aspeech. She has continually attacked Barack Obama for being more about speeches than solutions, but all she did was make a speech. It was ignored. To put it blountly, she is not a good speaker. She does not inspire.

Her visiting 80 countries with Chelsea means absolutely nothing. I have visited foreign nations and managed not to get into any fistfights. This does not mean I am a diplomat. I am a tourist. Hillary Clinton was a famous tourist. She was a celebrity who was married to somebody that was a President.

One of the reasons she was sent to all of these places was to get her out of the United States, especially during election years. The more people hear her, the less they like her.

Hillary Clinton is simply a bland person who married a gifted person. She confuses his gifts with hers. She claims experience that she does not possess. She takes credit for accomplishes that have nothing to do with her. She takes blame for nothing. Worse still, she is here to stay. She will not voluntarily go away…ever.

I have often said that it is better to have people ask “why are you leaving,” than “when are you leaving?” Very few people get to walk away on their own terms. They hang around until they are shells of their former selves. Former Denver Broncos quarterback John Elway won back to back Superbowls, and then retired. He wanted to play, but admitted that his body, “just couldn’t do it any more.” Other athletes like boxer Evander Holyfield retire several times.

I still think that Brett Favre will change his mind and come back. After everything he has done, he is entitled to do so.

Hillary Clinton will leave when she is dragged kicking and screaming from the building. Worse still, despite much of the American electorate wanting her to leave, she will not put the good of anybody else above what is best for her. People need her because she says so.

Yes, she won Ohio. She also won Texas, at least the primary aspect of it. Yes, these are legitimate victories, but should that erase the fact that she lost 11 contest in a row? Barack Obama was racking up wins, while she was offering excuses. She is ready to tear the democratic party apart to get the nomination. This is not what team players do. Ask any backup quarterback how to behave, and they tell you that they practice hard, and patiently wait their turn, and accept the decision of the coaches. They put the team above themselves.

Hillary Clinton is a fire breathing dragon, Lady MacBeth minus the warmth. Like most dragons, breathing fire to destroy the Earth is another day at the office for her.

The Iron Man has taught us what life is about, and how to live. The Fire Lady has taught us how not to live. He walked away, possibly before his time, on his own terms. She will stay until the very last vestige of power has been ripped from her body and soul.

Short of repealing the 19th amendment, I have no answers.

https://tygrrrrexpress.com/2008/01/repeal-the-19th-amendment/

Charlotte Allen explains in the Washington Post that perhaps women are just not very bright.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/02/29/AR2008022903397.html

I am too disgusted to add anything else regarding Texmex Tuesday. For the Milli Vanillionth time, Hillary and Bill Clinton have morphed into Bill Murray from “What about Bob.” “Gone? They’re never gone!”

Before we roll out the barrel and get to the Pennsylvania Polka, the Wyoming caucus and Mississippi primary will hopefully finally help remove this cancerous lesion from the Presidential race.

Yet this woman, married to Lazarus, will not be counted out. I remain frightful. She can still win.

Yet no matter what, the republic will survive. So will I.

Besides, Las Vegas was fun, the Chicago hotel tower suite is gorgeous, and so is the “Chicago Cannonball.”

I am not allowed to elaborate at this time. Well I am, but I might get throttled.

Off to listen to rock group “The Cult” sing “Fire Woman.”

“Fire…smoke she is a rising…smoke on the horizon baby…Fire Woman.”

Perhaps the only thing that should be retired is today’s column.

There. Done.

eric         

Leaving Las Vegas, Chicago Bound

Tuesday, March 4th, 2008

Las Vegas is a blast, and tonight the Tygrrrr Express glides to Chicago.

The plane better have Taco Tuesday results from the Texmex primary in the back of the seats.

Otherwise, I will be even more uninformed than usual.

I predict Hillary wins Ohio. Texas can go either way, but I predict she wins the popular vote, he wins enough delegates, and it is a mess. She stays in because she is her.

Roll out the barrel, the gang is all here, and the Pennsylvania Polka awaits.

Ok, this is where my readers make predictions.

This concludes this half-@ssed attempt at a column.

Off to catch a plane. Get your predictions in before the polls close.

Nothing like a four hour romp with a republican Jewish brunette, or as I call it, plane sleep.

Good flight…good night.

eric

From Vegas and Chicago to Texas and Ohio

Monday, March 3rd, 2008

This afternoon the Tygrrrr Express will be headed to the city named after me, that being Sin City. Yet sinning will not be at a premium on this trip. I arrive in Las Vegas with enough time to get to the hotel for a gala dinner sponsored by the Republican Jewish Coalition. I am a member of the leadership, and it will be an enjoyable evening.

Tomorrow I will be in leadership meetings, where the keynote speaker will be the former Prime Minister of Australia, John Howard. He is one of the great world leaders of all time, and my admiration for him is boundless. The 1980s had Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher. The 21st century has George W. Bush, Ariel Sharon, Tony Blair and John Howard.

With no time to breathe, as soon as the conference ends on Tuesday, I race back to the airport for a flight to Chicago. My plan is to freeze to death.

Yet as much as I will love Las Vegas and detest Chicago, my big regret is that by the time I get to the hotel Tuesday night, it will be time to go to sleep. Events will have occurred in Ohio, Texas, Vermont and Rhode Island that could determine whether Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama earns the right to get trounced by John McCain in November.

Due to my inability to provide quality analysis until internet access is provided on planes besides Air Force One, I will write my post game analysis before the pre game warmups. At least one of these scenarios will be right.

Also, I can now safely predict the results of the Iowa Caucus and the most recent Superbowl.

https://tygrrrrexpress.com/2008/01/iowa-praying-for-ice-storms/

As for March 4th, below is the pre-advance for special people only recap.

1) Well all, it seems that the lights have finally been turned out on the nightmare that is the Hillary Clinton death squad. I hope she does not let the door hit her badonkadonk on the way out. Her spirit is crushed, and rumor has it Bill Clinton is recovering somewhere from a blow to the head. Not since Steadman Graham has a man so powerful been so incognito. Barack Obama is now the nominee.

2) Well all, it seems Hillary has not only lost the election but lost her mind. Apparently she was seen torching cars while yelling, “I hate you people.” Then again, this behavior often occurs after Browns games, so people assumed she was happy that Cleveland picked up a new wide receiver. Anyway, she has insisted that the dynamite they found on her was for peaceful purposes only, and that she is shocked that anybody would think that she would fly into a rage over something as silly as seeing  a lifelong dream that was owed to her because of her cheating husband get crushed. The police wanted to take her out with an elephant tranquilizer, but she hates republicans. They are looking for a donkey tranquilizer. Apparently she could be heard yelling about donkeys, saying, “You want to see an @ss, look at this.”

3) Hillary Clinton has pulled off a miracle. Not since the 1980 Olympic Hockey Medal Game have we seen such a shocker. Obama is searching the streets of Ohio looking for substance. He hopes he can glue it to his body and take it to Pennsylvania. Hillary is the new comeback kid, and superdelegates are flipping back to her faster than a Dan Rather metaphor that makes no sense.

4) The race is an exact tie. Confusion is reigning supreme, which is par for the course for the democratic party. Both sides are looking for one voter to break the tie and claim a mandate. A frozen guy in Cleveland died a few years ago. He was homeless for two decades, and Hillary and Barack are trying to revive him and get him to the polls. Chicago Mayor Daley has traveled to Ohio to get the dead man’s ballot prepared, while Hillary and Obama blamed George W. Bush for the cold weather and the cold cruel world that caused the homeless man’s death.

5) Both candidates are asking for Vermont and Rhode Island to be redone because they could not bring themselves to care the first time due to Texas and Ohio. An agreement in principle has been reserved to have the votes done in December. Both candidates have promised with every fiber of their being to show up then.

In other news, Andrea Mitchell is an expert on everything because she gets it in a (redacted) way from Alan Greenspan.

Larry King looks fabulous for a deceased guy, and he would marry Angie Dickinson in a heartbeat if he could remember who she was.

Greta Van Susteren forgot to cover the primaries because somebody floated rumors that somebody was going to announce that nothing new had developed in the Natalee Holloway case, and it had to be covered immediately.

Shepherd Smith and Anderson Cooper both want everybody to know how handsome they are.

Sean Hannity and Alan Colmes completely disagreed on what the results meant.

Celebrity guest analyst Tony Bennett began crooning “The Pennsylvania Polka,” as Geraldo Rivera and Chris Matthews announced that it was time to roll out the barrel, because the gang truly is all here.

Anyway, master prognosticator that I am, as soon as the results come in, I will delete the other scenarios and click on the one that I knew was right all along.

In further news, Barack Obama is black, Hillary Clinton is female, John McCain is old, and Mike Huckabee is religious.

Like Steve Marting in the movie “LA Story,” whose prediction of the weather was usually right, this concludes my post game analysis of Taco Texas Tuesday, or Tex-Mex Tuesday, or Where are Vermont and Rhode Island Anyway Tuesday, or whatever this day is called.

As for the candidates, they will most likely stay in Texas. Only an idiot would voluntarily go to Ohio or other cold weather states in February.

With any luck, the firm will move our office into the hotel I am staying at so I can conduct business meetings in my Hefner style silk pajamas.

Like Nicolas Cage, shortly after I arrive, I will be Leaving Las Vegas. Although I do not drink, I had better think of something to numb the pain.

I wonder if Hillary’s health care plan covers gang green surgery from frostbite.

This may not be the deepest analysis, which makes me qualified to work at MSNBC.

This concludes my coverage of the March 4th primaries. For those who found my analysis irrelevant, put things in perspective. I am covering democrats after all.

eric

Mocking worthy sentiments

Sunday, March 2nd, 2008

Awhile back while sobbing uncontrollably, I solicited ideas for what my column should be about on Sundays in lieu of football. People took the time to offer me sincere suggestions, and the least I can do is mock their worthy sentiments.

Andy Hefty wanted me to write about a column he wrote called “let’s hear it for the wives.”

http://www.jacksonville.com/community/cc/hefty/stories/013006/01250634033.shtml

While the article itself is a beautiful tribute, the title scares me. After all, “wives” plural implies bigamy. I am happy to report that while Andy is the proud father to 13 children, he has only one spouse. This is the difference between being a good man and being dragged off to jail.

Personally, if I wrote the article I would call it, “let’s hear it for the wives, except when I am trying to watch the football game on Sunday.”

Or we can call it, “let’s hear it for the wives, because we don’t have a choice.”

Ok, we have mocked enough. It is a well written column (his, not mine).

Another guy named Randy recommended that I write about the key issue of terror divestment.

http://www.centerforsecuritypolicy.org/modules/newsmanager/center%20publication%20pdfs/divestterror_report.pdf

I support the cause. I engaged in terror divestment a few years ago. She was a complete nightmare, and I am glad I broke it off. To paraphrase investor Jim Rogers, “I started out with an old car and an old wife…I liquidated both.”

I will no longer do business with terrors. I don’t care how hot she is, I will not rub her with strawberry lotion or share a pair of edible underthings with her. It is an issue of national security.

I encourage everybody to engage in terror divestment. In fact, the minute the marriage ends, sell the ring on Ebay as quickly as possible.

Another worthy topic is Private First Class Corey Claggett.

http://www.amatotalk.com/news/2008/01/legal_defense_fund_for_private.htm

While this fellow absolutely deserves our attention, why has nobody contributed to my legal defense fund? How am I supposed to slap my secretary on her fabulous hide when nobody wants to pay the inevitable legal fees I would incur? Some of you are so inconsiderate. Do I have to be a democratic President to get some financial and legal help because I wanna troll for subordinate rumpus? Work with me here people. Start dialing for dollars so my fingers can dial for yummies with no consequences.

One fellow had the nerve to ask me to help him educate people. He wanted people to stop being so lazy.

http://amfree.blog-city.com

As someone that likes sleeping until noon on weekends, I resent the attack on lazy people. This fellow obviously does not understand that getting up when one does not have to is difficult. How dare he try and get people to better themselves. He is a scourge. That reminds me, I need to turn the ringer off.

A lovely woman named Celeste Allen suggested I write about illegal immigration and the border fence.

She is right. The Canadians have to be stopped. They are the scourge of the North, and they cheated in 1993 in hockey and basketball. Let’s not even get into the 2002 gold medal hockey game. Every Canadian needs to be deported immediately for this. Also, all pasty white people in Minnesota, North Dakota and Buffalo need to go as well because they could be closet Canadians. I am tired of Canadians coming to America and stealing Mexican jobs.

www.RichValdes.com

The fellow above said that family and social issues were his favorite. I will not write about Oedipus or Electra Complexes. It is a disgusting subject, and Rich should be ashamed of himself for suggesting it. Many families have “issues,” and their private smut is their own business.

David Lavallee wrote this to me on January 28th:

“Eric,
I do feel sorry for you out there in California, BUT it is not off season out here in beautiful Massachusetts home of the New England Patriots. SORRY”

David…my friend…nah, too easy.

www.americantruckersatwar.com

Despite the title of the above site, it has nothing to do with the movie “Smokey and the Bandit.” These guys should stop fighting with each other and focus on something important like the War on Terror. Now I know they claim that is what they care about, but on my blog I have carte blanche, which is French for carte blanche. Then again, I would rather read about American truckers and war than peaceful Europeans wearing lederhosen.

Ron Lipsman asked me to promote his book.

http://home.comcast.net/~ronlipsman

Ron, the bad news is I trackback to people I hate. That way I can lower their blog by implying they associate with me. So if your book sales plummet, my plan to tar you by guilt of association worked. If my plan failed, I want royalties immediately.

http://patricksperry.wordpress.com/

“I would suggest taking up fly fishing, and then reporting back about your experiences, but you are not up for any new hobbys…I suppose we could send you off to Front Sight for a course or two, and you could report back here…”

Patrick will understand that flyfishing is for New Hampshirites and Presidential suckups. As much as I would love the power of being President, I hate cold weather. The only fly fishing I ever do is when my zipper get stuck and I have to struggle to find the thing and get it back up before the women in the restaurant complain to the manager.

Karen said the following:

“I think you should have people submit an article from their own blog! Then, pick one!”

Karen, that is an idiotic idea. I would never even consider doing something so…oh, wait, I seem to be doing that now. To quote Gilda Radner, “Never mind.”

Ok, I am sure you are all waiting for a spectacular ending that will justify your getting all the way to the bottom of this point.

Ta da (black smoke only I can see fills the room)!

To quote what I say to all my exes, “Yes, that is all there is.”

Keep waiting.

eric