Archive for 2008

No More Twinkies!

Sunday, February 24th, 2008

I have stated on many occasions that my life is a traveling carnival of adventure. Sure there are the occasional mishaps, and I am still thankful to a member of the Glendale, Arizona Police Department for helping me not end up dead on the streets of Phoenix. Yet even that danger did not offset the real memory, that of witnessing one of the greatest Superbowls of all time. A half of a century from now, I will tell my future grandchildren, “I was there.” Heck, in 50 years I will probably tell people that I was on the field playing.

The Tygrrrr Express was relatively calm for the rest of February, but March and April are already shaping up to be ridiculous. I will be bouncing around America like a ping pong ball. As I say to people, “as the carnival travels.”

In March I have a political function in Las Vegas, where former Australian Prime Minister will be. I hope to meet him. After that I am off to Atlanta on a business trip, where I will then face a potentially life altering decision. I will either go to Miami and frolic during Spring Break, or go to Alabama. Either way, I come back to Los Angeles long enough to breathe, before attending a wedding in San Diego.

April will be just as insane. I have another political function, this time in San Francisco. Apparently Western Civilization is collapsing, because I will actually be one of the speakers. After that is a business trip to Chicago, followed by a New York business trip to Wall Street, which will allow me to see family, and attend the NFL Draft.

Yet even burning the candle at both ends will not wear me out if I manage to finally break away from what really distracts me from personal growth…twinkies.

I must give up twinkies. I do not care how hot they are. If a woman is too young for me, I will ignore every wriggle, wiggle, bounce and jiggle. It is time to get serious. No more twinkies.

At age 24, I was lusting after a 19 year old brunette. I realized that I liked 19 year old brunettes, and continued to date them as I turned 25 and 26. They were never 18 or 20, just 19. At age 27, I was still dating 19 year old brunettes. I was partying like it was 1999, although that could have been because it actually was 1999.

I made a decision that I could not live like this forever. The Millennium was approaching, and I would turn 28 only 8 days later. I developed a plan called “Maturity 2000.” I would stop dating twinkies. No more 19 year old brunettes. I would now date 20 year old brunettes. Baby steps away from babies. At age 29 I was dating a 23 year old. This was progress. True, her best assets were above her waist, but I always rationalized that any woman with a hot body had to be intelligent. I was a smart guy of substance, so I would not be so shallow as to romance somebody just because they had yummy bouncies.

Yet when the guys would discuss Middle Eastern politics, she would want to talk about Britney Spears’s Pepsi commercial. The handwriting was on the wall. I was dating a woman I could not have intelligent conversations with solely because she bounced and jiggled.

I broke off the relationship, turned 30, and met a nice girl at a party for graduate students. I was a grad student, and I figured her to be 24 or 26. I cannot explain why I did not think she was 25. One day she confessed to me that my assumptions about her age were off base. Even though she was intelligent, she was…magic number…19. Breaking it off on the spot would have been cruel, and I did like her company. In fact, I think she did my homework once.

It was a computer project, and I am technologically incompetent. The project was incomplete when I went to bed, and when I woke up I saw a message from the professor thanking me for emailing him the completed assignment, which was perfect. She insisted that she did not do it, and my roommate, also a computer expert, insisted he did not do it either. I could have walked in my sleep and done it, but to this day I have no idea how the project got done.

Nevertheless, we broke up at some point on very friendly terms. A 30 year old man should not be dating a 19 year old. My next girlfriend was more in my age range. She was 20, and she had yummy bouncies as well. The fact that we had nothing in common forced me to again evaluate my life. Maturity 2000 did not get implemented, but I had turned 30 myself. Round numbers for some reason inspire people to arbitrarily do things. I then unveiled my upgraded model of life, known as “Maturity 2002.”

Implementation proved rocky, but I thought I had finally reached adulthood when in 2005 I was dating an older woman. She was 9 years my senior. I thought my family would be thrilled. Instead, my dad referred to her as Mary Kay Latorneau.

I made a decision that I needed to stick within my age range. I also decided that 10 years my junior would be an absolute cutoff The numbers could be 11 apart if it was less than 10 1/2 total. 2008 was the year I was officially over 35. I was much closer to 40 than 30. I began dating a smart woman looking to become a criminal prosecutor. She was intelligent, sweet, beautiful…and 22.

14 years. I was truly on the verge of becoming a letch. I did not want to be one of those 50 year old guys dating women half my age, driving an expensive car to overcompensate, one of those guys with no hair on top and a pony tail, and a pretentious fake British accent to round out the stereotype.

Things hit home when we went to a party. At 2am I was tired. I wanted to go home. She would have partied all night. I need a nap during the day to be able to effectively celebrate the “other 9 to 5.” I think after that night she saw me as a senior citizen. We broke up. It may not have been the age difference, but that did not help.

I am single as of a few days ago, and while I did not officially launch “Maturity 2008,” I hope that version does not have bugs in the software.

A big test for me will be my trip to Hotlanta. I am one of those guys that gets totally dopey around Scarlett Ohara type Southern Belles, especially the brunettes. After Atlanta, the key decision of Alabama versus Florida will set in. The fate of my maturation may hang in the balance.

South Florida allows me to visit my parents, and after they go to sleep, hang out in South Beach. In Miami the clubs are open until 5am. It is 75 degrees at midnight, and the clubs are on the beach. I do love hanging from the balcony of a couple of the clubs surveying the scene. “The Clevelander” is a bar surrounding a swimming pool. Hot Miami nights appeal to me. Spring Break is approaching, and I am still barely young enough to date grad students.

https://tygrrrrexpress.com/2007/03/miami-will-smith-is-100-right/

Yet there is more to life than twinkies. I would like to become a husband and father, and some of the loveliest yummy bouncies have not led to anything of substance.

I vow to avoid playing bedroom volleyball with any young coed from now on, no matter how spectacular their God given gifts are. I will ignore them from front to back.

Perhaps to avoid Temptation Island Miami altogether would be wise. My friend in Alabama lives on the Auburn campus. Auburn fans are the Tigers. It is a sign. I have been to Princeton, New Jersey, and Clemson, South Carolina. I do like meeting my fellow Tigers.

It is a sign. Miami is crack. I should go Westbound and Down, and take the Tygrrrr Express to Alabama instead.

Besides, Auburn is a college campus with grad students. There is no way I could get into trouble there.

Or maybe there is.

eric

Foreign Policy Matters More

Saturday, February 23rd, 2008

One of the reasons it is difficult for some to cover the relevant moments in democratic debates is because those moments are so few and far and inbetween.

In a world with serious issues, some at the crisis stage, the left in this country, from the media to the politicians, are preoccupied with nonsense.

Several stories were covered in depth in the last few days. Several serious situations developed during that time. These two aspects of life appear to be mutually exclusive. The overlap between what is discussed and what matters is virtually zero percent.

The main story seems to be that John McCain was accused by the Jayson Blair Times of engaging in adultery and malfeasance with a lobbyist. Yes, I could spend an entire column verbally bashing the skull of Arthur Sulzberger Jr., but others have taken care of that. Besides, at some point referring to an idiot savant as a retard becomes tiresome.

I personally held off on discussing that story because I wanted to wait for the truth to come out, which is what separates me form the Jayson Blair Times to begin with. It could have been a serious story if true, but it wasn’t, so it wasn’t.

Continuing the subject of toxic liberals, Hillary Clinton is still running for President. Will she and Barack Obama spend their next debate arguing about health care the whole night? Of course. Will they discuss Al Queda? Of course not.

While I would prefer the democrats not win the White House, I can take comfort knowing that they cannot govern. Here are some facts.

The troops are not coming home soon. In fact, the democrats winning the White House increases the chances of escalation. Conservatives are trusted to make peace. Liberals have more latitude to wage war. Most wars have been led by democrats, because they could. Their let flank fell into line, and the conservatives certainly would not stand in the way. When liberals make peace, it is seen as surrender.

This is true worldwide. It is why Richard Nixon can go to China, Ariel Sharon can negotiate the West Bank, and Ronald Reagan can shake hands with Mikhail Gorbachev. On the flip side, it is why Tony Blair can emphatically support a war, LBJ can escalate Vietnam, and Ehud Ohlmert can order 34 straight days of bombings on Arab enemies. Ultimate success or failure is less relevant than perceptions. Conservatives have to show their heart. Liberals have to show their steel.

In addition to continuing the war, free trade is here to stay. Democrats can get away with lowering taxes, while republicans that want to destroy themselves in the long run have an easier time raising taxes in the short run.

Yet what eventually shapes the world are world events, and that transcends any one leader in the short run. Serious events occurred recently, and those issues are being lost among the tabloids such as the JBT.

First of all, Fidel Castro resigned. In the short run, nothing has changed. Raoul Castro is no better. Yet there is a chance for improvement. Cuba could turn into Mexico. Mexico still has a long way to go, but they are much better than 20 years ago. After Luis Donaldo Colosio was murdered in 1994, Ernesto Zedillo led political reforms. Vicente Fox is far from perfect, but he did represent a breakthrough from the past. Cuba has a chance to follow the same path.

This should be a major issue in the Presidential election. The solution is free trade. Democrats want protectionism and isolationism. They want to slow down free trade, and in some cases reverse it altogether. This is not fluff. This is a serious policy issue. A republican President could open up Cuba, and a free trade deal with Cuba would be a boon to the world. Bill Clinton could not have normalized relations with Vietnam without John McCain. Clinton did not have the moral authority as a draft dodger. He knew this. When the announcement came, Clinton made sure John McCain was in every single picture. John McCain normalized relations with Vietnam. He can be trusted to do so with Cuba.

The other critical situation involved the bombing of the U.S. Embassy at Serbia. This is not an inconvenience. This is an act of war. Nobody died, but the bombers did not know that. Some Americans are war weary. Unfortunately, the enemy is not war weary. The genie cannot be put back in the bottle. We cannot go back to the sleepy pre-9/11 world.

What did Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton have to say about this? It was not even mentioned in the debate. Hillary mentioned the word “Serbia,” but offered nothing else. This was the area of the world where World War I began. Trouble in that region should be on page one of every newspaper.

John McCain can be trusted to deal with these serious issues. He is an adult.

As for his liberal opponents, can they at least talk about it? Can the liberal media at least mention it? Are idiotic non-stories that important? Are we truly unwilling to avoid becoming a nation of imbeciles?

Cuba is relevant. Serbia is relevant. The Jayson Blair Times is irrelevant. I guess I do not have time to worry about their p*ss yellow journalism because there are life and death matters at stake. As I have said before, the War on Terror cannot be won until we are fully engaged. We must first win the war against nonsense.

Hard news is out there. Adult issues require adult conversations. If liberals want to reverse their quarter of a century slide into irrelevance, they might want to start dealing with these matters. It requires making hard choices. It requires being responsible.

Domestic policy and tabloid gossip matters to those that remain employed by it. Foreign policy determines if civilization survives. Foreign policy matters more. So let’s either force the left to start discussing it, or send the children to bed so the adults can begin the serious process of analyzing the trouble spots that can either benefit or cripple our nation, depending on how they are handled.

eric

Texas Smackdown

Friday, February 22nd, 2008

There was a Texas Smackdown between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. Liberal helpings of style and gravy were served, with little substantive beef required.

Actually, there were discussions of how the issues should be discussed if they were to actually be discussed.

I initially thought the debate was on the Playboy Channel instead of CNN, only because if ever there was an anchor that should be modeling lingerie, it is Campbell Brown. Fine, I am a sexist because I have the nerve to find a gorgeous woman gorgeous. Only Lisa Guerrero as a moderator would have been an improvement over Captivating Campbell.

Less captivating was Jorge Ramos of Univision. Can we go through one democratic debate without kowtowing to every politically correct minority on Earth? I have worked with Turks, Persians and Armenians over the course of my lifetime. They all kept their cultural heritage while speaking perfect English. Asking questions in English and Spanish was a perfect way to kiss minority rumpus. Enough already. If people cannot read a ballot in English, they should not be allowed to vote.

Since both of the candidates are Senators, the debate format adhered to Senate traditions by beginning with filibusters, or as they are known in debates, opening statements.

In their opening statements, the candidates came across as rock stars that shout out the name of the City or somebody in the city so that the crowd would go crazy just hearing where they live. Many candidates do this, but it is still tiresome.

Hillary sucked up the crowd by mentioning the late former Governor Ann Richards, and the late Congresswoman Barbara Jordan. She then mouthed stuff that somebody, somewhere, found consequential.

Obama started out by lying, insisting that he and Hillary were friends who would remain that way after the campaign. Then he morphed into John Edwards, lamenting over random human sob stories. He then stated that there is not a lack of good ideas, but that “Washington is where good ideas go to die.” He then also quoted Barbara Jordan, who once said that “America is only as good as its promise.”

The first question, asked in English and Spanish, was an intelligent question. The candidates were asked if they would be willing to unconditionally meet as President with new Cuban President and Murderous Thug Dictator for Life Raoul Castro, the brother of the ex-President, Murderous Thug Dictator For Life Fidel Castro. This question allowed for a clear contrast.

Hillary at first ducked the question, mainly because she is Hillary. She announced that she wanted to see political prisoners in Cuba released, followed by an opening up of the Cuban economy. She wants to bring the region together, and work with our European Allies. SHe wanted to see evidence of real change in Cuba first. When pressed further, she stated that she would not meet with Raoul Castro until she saw real change first.

Obama may be completely wrong on issues, but at least he is unequivocally wrong. To his credit, he answered “Yes.” He stated that the starting point was the liberty of the Cuban people. He would meet Raoul Castro without preconditions, but human rights must be on the agenda for any meeting. He stated that we must talk to our enemies. America should currently loosen the rules regarding remittances and travel restrictions. There should be progress in Cuba before normalization of relations is achieved, but that the goal has to be normalization. He then quoted JFK because democrats worship him.

Hillary stated that she wanted democracy with all, including Iran, but that they differ on a Presidential meeting. She then quoted JFK as well before bashing President Bush, because democrats do that when they are out of ideas. After castigating the President, she stated that she wants a “very vigorous and bipartisan diplomacy.” There should be no more “unilateral arrogance” of the Bush Administration.

So to sum up, Bush is terrible, let’s be bipartisan, and Bush is terrible. Yes, this woman really believes in reaching out. She just does it swinging a baseball bat at those she despises, which is confined emrely to those who disagree with her, or agree with her but stand in her way.

Obama then meekly offered a “me too” anti-Bush sop to the crowd, but his heart did not seem in it. He disagrees with the President, but cannot bring himself to hate the guy. He also stated that what would really be arrogant would be to withhold a Presidential meeting.

The candidates were then asked about how they differ on the economy. They both gave their plans on how they would destroy the economy, although they used different words.

Obama stated that the economy has been bad for four years, and for some it has been bad for decades. Despite the fact that most people that have taken Economics 101 in college would disagree, they are all wrong. Obama said so, so it must be so. He then offered his plan to wreck the economy, which consisted of repealing the Bush tax cuts, most likely because Bush passed them. He would also offer strong labor, environmental and safety standards. He would create a “green economy.” Apparently he believes that trees are more important than money, because to me a green economy means promoting financial wealth.

He did make a good point that while democrats agree the issue was how to get it done. A working majority was needed, which was a thinly veiled swipe at Hillary.

Hillary’s plan to ruin the USA came in the form of obliterating the sanity in the tax code, which she referred to as altering. The wealthy had a President for 7 years, and she would change that. There would be a “trade timeout,” which apparently means that nations would be forced to sit in the corner until she was ready to have them speak. She would have a “trade prosecutor” to enforce trade deals. I am sure this will be as effective as other “Czars” that are given fancy titles to spectacularly fail at things.

She then spoke about a “foreclosure crisis,” stating that we need a “moratorium on foreclosures.” In the true spirit of the Age of Aquarius, she was true to her spirit in abandoning personal responsibility. She then offered sob stories about poor innocent victims and greedy lenders. She forgot to mention that she and her husband were predatory lenders during the Whitewater episode. She spoke of people who got hoodwinked, although she did not mention the people who suffered because of her. She wants to freeze interest rates for 5 years, which is because she is smarter than the free markets.

Her three part plan to save America from good government consisted of spending 5 billion dollars on clean, green jobs, rebuilding our infrastructure, and end President Bush’s “War on Science.” The crowd clapped, proving that setting pictures of President Bush on Fire matter more than intelligent analysis to these liberal sheep. The sheep also like meaningless slogans, which is why they appreciated Hillary desiring America to become “Innovation Nation.”

The next question dealt with “undocumented workers, or as those who respect the rule of law call them, “criminal illegal aliens.” Those who argue that we should not stigmatize them should criticize them for violating the law to begin with. Yet despite the obvious slant from Univision, the specific question asked whether raids should ended.

Hillary was a complete pretzel on this issue. She would “consider” ending the raids, except in “egregious circumstances.” She also wants illegal immigrants to have a “path to legalization.”

Obama talked about how he helped get a bill out of the Senate, although it died in the House. This is an example of what he considers accomplishing something, because he did successfully shepherd a bill through one chamber, completing 33% of the process. Most people consider 33% a failing grade. It was not his fault the bill failed, but nevertheless, nothing was accomplished.

He then stated that we all need to “tone down the rhetoric.” There should be “no discrimination against those with Spanish surnames.” He wants to fix the legal immigration system, end the backlog, lower the fees and legal expenses associated with immigrating, have better relations with Mexico, and something about President Bush being bad on the issue. No, he did not actually answer the question about raids, but I am tired of people calling him an empty suit. He looks nice in it. Substance is overrated.

Also, rumor has it that Michelle Malkin had to be taken to the hospital when her head (and the heads of many sane people) exploded due to the many inane questions asked in Spanish and English. Luckily, fluff is now bilingual. She is allegedly resting comfortably, and is being given an IV drip of common sense to eliminate the toxins that may have killed her brain power. Idiotic debates are toxic, and I wish her and others who injured themselves from lockjaw or falling out of their chairs and breaking arms and legs a speedy recovery.

http://michellemalkin.com/2008/02/21/the-swan-song-of-hillary-rodham-clinton/#comments

The next immigration question to be left unanswered in a gutless manner dealt with whether or not the border fence should be finished, or discontinued altogether. This required a one word answer, but substanceless Senators like to expand, offering everything but actual answers to what is asked.

Hillary blamed President Bush. She then showed the class and grace that makes her the sweet bundle of viciousness that she is. She said there was a “smart way and a dumb way” to do things. Yes, the people in the audience loved it. Hillary then stated that she was fighting with President Bush about Canada, because he is too strict on the northern border. She announced that President Bush has “gone off the deep end.”

Yes, this woman is truly ready to lead all Americans, if by all Americans she means hateful people that offer nothing positive. She then said we should listen to people living on the border. She finally almost answered the original question by stating that technology and “smart fencing” were preferable to a physical barrier. She then blamed President Bush for eminent domain actions, even though it was liberal Supreme Court Justices that created that entire mess. The conservatives despised the eminent domain ruling.

Obama also stated that President Bush is “not good at listening.” Fencing in “some areas may make sense.” Even by Obama standards this answer was gibberish. He then said America should “provide opportunities for 12 million undocumented aliens.” He implied that republicans want to round up all 12 million and deport them, which is a lie. He wants to pass the “Dream Act,” which allows kids raised in America to get access to higher education.

In continuing with fair questions that would remain unanswered without objection, the candidates were then asked if there was a downside to a bilingual education.

Hillary stated that it is important for all of us to learn a second language, although she never did. Yes, she is a hypocrite. “English unifies us.” However, she also said that, “English should not be the official language.” That discriminates.

Obama also stated that English binds us, and that every student should learn another language. He then attacked the “No Child Left Behind” law, and condemned the focus on standardized tests. This is because as a liberal, he jumps when the teachers unions tell him to do so. Additionally, liberals hate standards in general, unless those standards lower the quality of life in the United States. No Child Left Behind neglects foreign languages. Perhaps this is because the law focuses on reading and math, but facts are irrelevant.

The next issue dealt with Obama being an empty suit. He is. Hillary has said he is. Yet given a chance to answer whether Obama was “all hat and no cattle,” Hillary turned gutless.

She stated that “President Bush is.” As for Obama, she and her are “just different.” She has solutions, working to make a difference. She stated that she has a record of accomplishments, and snidely mentioned an Obama supporter that got caught on television being unable to name a single accomplishment that he had.

This is what separates Hillary from Obama. She tried to be nice, but she can only do so for so long. Yet getting into the gutter is a winner for her. If Obama refuses to answer it, the charge sticks. If he fights back, and they are both in the gutter, she wins. He has nowhere to go but down. Scorched Earth benefits her, especially because it is her expertise.

Obama then briefly turned into Obambi. He simply would not hit back. He meekly stated that he has a 20 year record of action. He stated that the soldiers at Walter Reed like his actions.

He then temporarily toughened up, explaining that Hillary’s battle cry of “let’s get real,” implied that all his supporters were delusional. He mentioned that he had the endorsement of all the major Texas newspapers.The reality is clear. We must “bring people together, and stop the bickering.” This is not “just about policy positions. We must inspire people or face gridlock.” The crowd roared in approval, and the standing ovation showed that charges must be answered.

Yet the next question dealt with Obama being guilty of plagiarism. First of all, he was. So what? Hillary plagiarizes his speeches. She is a poll driven, focus group tested robot. Also, Obama did point out that he used the lines of Deval Patrick, who is one of his National Cochairs. They share views, and talk of plagiarism is “silly.” He again mentioned Barbara Jordan. We should focus on “issues, not silliness.” He is proud that some of his speeches are “pretty good.” He stated that college tuition credits of $4000 and ending the Iraq War are concrete policy proposals. He then looked at Hillary and stated that we should “not tear each other down, we should lift the country up.”

Hillary then drove in the dagger. “If a candidacy is about words, and speeches are plagiarized, then this is not ‘change we can believe in.’ It is change we can Xerox.” The crowd mildly booed, but she continued, going after Obama due to differences on health care and a moratorium on foreclosures. She then stated that “the world will breathe a sigh of relief when President Bush is gone.” While I am sure she meant gone from office, and not dead (her supporters get less charity on this issue), Al Queda wants him gone in every sense of the word. She then announced that she is “tired of companies deciding who will live and who will die.” Al Queda is nothing. We need to get those big bad companies that provide American jobs.

Obama did briefly fight back, announcing that his health care plan was fine when he was down by 20 points in the polls, but all of a sudden it is not fine because he is ahead. He acknowledged that their plans were 95% similar. Hillary wants to force people to buy health care, while he wants to lower costs. He points out that former Labor Secretary Robert Reich agrees with him. The argument of 15 million uninsured under his plan is not true. He pointed out that in 1993, Hillary went behind closed doors for her health care plan. He will be more open. Politics must change, or plans mean nothing. Again, he implicitly hints at what he needs to explicitly state, that Hillary is too polarizing to get anything done. She has ideas, but not likability.

The next question asked Hillary whether she thought Obama was unqualified. Given that her entire campaign is based on her being ready to lead from Day 1, her refusal to answer showed her for what she is, which is not worth describing.

She stated that the issue was “up to the voters.” She then immediately shifted the debate back to health care. It had nothing to do with the question, but it was a brilliant maneuver. She supports mandates. She praised John Edwards and the late Texas President LBJ, stating that Social Security and Medicare were mandates, not voluntary.

Obama, after briefly mentioning that he would not be running if he thought he was unqualified, took the bait and stayed on health care. He stated that mandates should be on government, not on people in the form of paying fines. Forcing people to buy health care requires stiff penalties for those who don’t, including wage garnishments.

Obama is right on the issue, but it plays to where Hillary is strongest, that being arcane policy details.

Hillary then explained that this issue was personal for her, which is her way of saying she is right and nobody else has moral authority to discuss the issue. She pointed out that Obama has mandates on parents to provide care for their children. In her view, the “social compact requires that all pay.”

Obama could have pointed out that people did not want Hillary’s social compact. He did point out that children have no choices, but that adults do. Hillary sighed in the same manner that got Al Gore into trouble in his debates.

Again the moderators tried to bring the issue back to whether Hillary thinks Obama is qualified. She continued to talk about health care.

She stated that she has represented our country for 15 years, and that she has represented 80 countries. So this means she did run the country from 1993-2001, making her ineligible to run again, and further reducing her husband to his proper irrelevance. As for the 80 countries, she did mention in a speech, but not at this debate, that she stood up to the Chinese and lectured them about human rights. Obama could have brought up that she did not actually change any policies, and that her words fell on deaf ears. She was on the Armed Services Committee, but not for 15 years. She mentioned nations such as Pakistan, Cuba, Kosovo, and Serbia, which only means that she reads newspapers. She has nothing to do with any of these recent world events. She properly pointed out that they are serious issues. She then implied that she is ready. Yet she would not explicitly state that Obama was less ready than her.
Obama pointed out that “Job # 1 is keeping people safe.” He wants us to have the strongest military and proper roations, which President Bush messed up. He showed judgment on Iraq from the beginning, and Hillary did not.”He also stated that Al Queda is stronger than any time since 2001. I believe he got this from himself. He stated that it is easier for the military to get Taliban weapons than getting our own government to properly equip our soldiers. He then again claimed that he had good judgment, which apparently does not come from talking to military generals. He conclude dby stating that it was wrong for us to put all our eggs in one basket in the form of Pervez Musharraf in Pakistan, and that he has been proven right. Again, his focus group on this issue is him, and maybe his wife.

Hillary was then called out by the moderator for her attack on General David Petraeus. It was explained to her that not only did the surge work militarily, but even Iraqi political progress is occurring. The candidates were asked how they could compete against Senator John McCain, a war hero who was right about the surge. When liberal networks are right about something, then the entire civilized world has grasped the idea first. Now the candidates on the left needed to do another contortionist imitation.

Hillary stated that the purpose of the surge has “not been fulfilled.” The Iraqi government has been slow. After all, America from 1776 to 1789 was all hearts and flowers. She would then begin withdrawing troops within 60 days, which would pressure the Iraqis to act. Actualy, it would result in mass murders of inocent civilians, as happened in Southeast Asia, but again, facts are irrelevant.

Obama stated that it was “indisputable that there has been a decrease in violence.” Yet he still had the audacity of…well, just plain audacity…to then state that he was right for opposing the war from the beginning, and therefore the best person to take on John McCain. Because of Iraq, we are ignoring Latin America, and Iran benefited from the Iraq War. The Iraq War also drains us from spending at home. On this point I agree with Obama, but am happy about this. I would rather money be spent that is not a waste, than brought back here and wasted. Obama also got a laugh by stating that “McCain endorsing President Bush’s policies proves he does not understand the economy.” I can only wait to hear McCain explain life to Obama.

The next topic was earmarks, with Obama being asked about his 91 million in undisclosed earmarks.

Obama replied that this was not true, and that he declared everything. He mentioned a website called “Google for Government,” with Republican Senator Tom Coburn of Oklahoma. He referred to Senator Coburn as a “common sense fiscal conservative.” He then threw in the obligatory joke about “No bid Halliburton contracts.” I wonder how the candidates would stammer and stumble if forced to answer a question about what Halliburton actually does. “Something with big oil” is not an answer.

Hillary was then asked about her 342 milion on earmarks. She was not asked why this was all President Bush’s fault, but she was asked if McCain was better than her on this issue. Given that it is his signature issue, she could not simply concede that he was much better.

Instead, she blamed his support of tax cuts and the Iraq War. First of all, those are not earmarks, and second of all, McCain voted against the Bush tax cuts, although he now wants to make them permanent. He has supported tax cuts in general, so maybe Hillary is opposed to tax cuts in general. She blamed President Bush for turning surpluses into deficits, although 9/11 and the War on Terror caused most of that. She made a remark about how we “borrow money from the Chinese to buy oil from the Saudis.” It is a great line, but meaningless since she has proposed nothing in terms of altering that strategy. She also stated that President Bush “outsourced the government.” Yes, this woman needs a muzzle. No, I am not stating all women need muzzles. Hillary does.

The candidates were then asked about Nany Pelosi’s remarks that the Superdelegates, also known as “democratic party fatcats” or “grand poobahs,” would not alter the will of the people. This was in response to allegations that Hillary is trying to steal the nominations by any means necessary, which she is. Michigan and Florida broke the rules, they were punished, and Hillary wants to reward them anyway solely because she finished ahead in those states, mainly by reneging on promises the candidates made to not compete there.

Hillary did not have the guts to say what she has been doing. She blathered that the “process will support itself out.” She then actually shut up.

Obama stated that “primaries and caucuses must matter.” He again quoted Barbara Jordan by stating that the “democratic party at its best can summon a higher purpose.”

The candidates then were asked about the toughest test they ever faced. This question was designed to see what qualified them to be President.

Obama spoke of his dad leaving when he was 2 years old, his being raised by his grandparents, his rocky youth, and the struggle to learn to take responsibility for his own actions. He then offered class warfare about how he became a civil rights lawyer rather than somebody who went to Wall Street. He is “worthy of the decency and generosity of the people.”

Somebody ought to tell every liberal that there is nothing noble about being poor, and that being rich does not mean ill gotten gain. Tyhen again, they have not grasped this for two centuries, so starting now would be pointless.

In essence, Obama is qualified because he had a rough life, and appreciates the good poor people over the bad rich, or as they should be called, productive, people.

Hillary stated that she “lived through crises and challenging moments,” and the audience began clapping wildly. Yes, she reminded people of her struggle against the evil republicans, refusing to acknowledge that this cuts to the heart of the argument of why she should never be President. All she does is fight with people, and she blames others for her own failures. She continued.

“How does she do it? How do others do it?” Yes, she was comparing her soap opera drivel with real struggles of everyday Americans, commenting that her struggles paled by comparison. If she believed this, she would not have even offered the comparison. She stated that she and McCain spoke at the Brooke Medical Center. She offered more sob stories. She then stated how “honored she was to be on stage with Barack Obama.” This allowed her to get a wild standing ovation to end the debate.

Analyzing winners of debates is not based on personal feelings. Hillary is a bad person. There is no way around it. She will say, do, and lie about anything. The ends justify the means. Obama is a better person. This is irrelevant.

Analyzing winners of debates is also not about issues and substance. These candidates are liberal, meaning they are wrong on virtually everything.

George W. Bush is a much better human being than John Kerry. He is also right on the issues. Yet Kerry won the debates. This did not lead to an electoral triumph because Kerry was seen as better with words. President Bush was and is more likable.

Analyzing winners of debates is about points in debates, and nothing more.

Hillary Clinton cleaned Barack Obama’s clock. She attacked, and he did not hit back hard enough and often enough. Obama needs to “grow a pair.”

Maybe Obama is right, that he can smile and pleasantly wave his way to a win. Yet nice guys usually do finish last, and Hillary is as mean as they come. She decked him, and stuck knives in him, and he tried to remain cool and calm and above the fray.

She wants more debates because she is good in debates. The fact that she is awful on so many levels does not matter. She will not give up. She would destroy the party before surrendering.

She is prepared for scorched Earth. I wonder if he is prepared. After all, he will never be ready to fight terrorist rogues if he cannot even stand up to Hillary.

He wants to lift people up. She wants to tear people down.

She is too polarizing to govern, but she only needs 50.1% of the vote in several large Electoral College states, despite her wanting to abolish the Electoral College a few years back when it seemed to be less useful to her ambitions.

Hillary Clinton won the Texas Smackdown.

Good luck Mr. Obama. You will need it. Lady Macbeth is just getting started.

eric

My Interview With Dr. Walter Williams

Thursday, February 21st, 2008

I had the pleasure and privilege of interviewing Professor Walter E. Williams.

 

Dr. Williams has served as an economics professor at George Mason University for over a quarter of a century. His syndicated column can be read in 140 newspapers and locations as diverse as Townhall to Jewish World Review. He is often asked to testify before Congress on economic issues due to his expertise on such matters. He is also an occasional guest host for Rush Limbaugh, blending lighthearted humor with a serious and principled conservatism. He announces to his audience that he is “Black, by popular demand,” which fits in perfectly with Limbaugh’s over the top humor.

 

I interviewed Dr. Williams by telephone on Presidents Day, and the conversation lasted for about 25 minutes. I shared with Dr. Williams that in the early 1990s, Rush Limbaugh was looking for a potential guest host. One of Rush’s stagehands suggested a brilliant conservative thinker, but got the name wrong. The stagehand mentioned “Juan Williams,” a liberal radio host on National Public Radio. This led to a comedy bit where Rush roasted his stagehand for committing an act of heresy by confusing liberal Juan Williams with conservative Walter Williams. That mistake led me to research Walter Williams. I recommend that any person desiring a brilliant analysis of economic and political issues spend a significant amount of time on his site.

 

http://www.gmu.edu/departments/economics/wew/articles.html

  

With that, it is with great pleasure that I bring you the words and wisdom of Dr. Walter Williams.

 

 

1) Does government do anything right? What should government do?

 

The Federal Government should be bound by the U.S. Constitution. Article I, Section VIII of the Constitution lists about 21 things that the Federal Government is authorized to do. Today, 2/3 of our spending is unauthorized, whether it be justified by misuse of the Commerce Clause or the General Welfare Clause.

 

In 1794, James Madison was against spending $15,000 to help French refugees. Madison stated, “I cannot undertake to lay my finger on that article of the Constitution which granted a right to Congress of expending, on objects of benevolence, the money of their constituents.” Today the Federal Government spends on benevolence from everything from crop subsidies to prescription drug benefits. It should spend money specifically on what the Constitution authorizes it to spend, such as providing a National Defense, and providing Post Offices.  

 

http://www.gmu.edu/departments/economics/wew/articles/02/generation.html

 

      2) With regards to the stimulus packageâ€Ĥyou have come out against it, decrying it as economically insignificant. Yet what about psychologically? Does that matter, and should it? Can bad policy be good policy by merely being seen as good policy?

 

There is no evidence that such stimulus packages work. In terms of actual dollars the stimulus package is a drop in the bucket. With most stimulus packages, studies show that 2/3 of the money given out is either saved or used to pay bills. What would be far more helpful would be to make the Bush tax cuts permanent.

 

http://www.gmu.edu/departments/economics/wew/articles/08/stimuluspackagenonsense.htm

 

      3) What part of the conservative message should appeal to black America, and so far why is the republican message not being received by 90% of black voters?

 

This has always perplexed me, since blacks have suffered the most from the failures of government. The government failed to end slavery in a timely manner. The government is responsible for the rotten state of public education today. The government has failed to protect people in their neighborhoods. The democratic party propaganda has been believed, yet the democratic party has been in power where blacks have suffered the most whether it’s the Jim Crow of the past or the major cities of today. Part of the problem with the republican party is that the republican party is not for limited government either. However, it was republicans that ended slavery. The democrats would not have passed civil rights legislation without the massive support of republicans. Black Americans, like all Americans, would benefit from less government intrusion.    

 

      4) Poison Ivy League Universities recently did their version of Tea with Mussolini, in this case Columbian Coffee with Armageddonijad. Should sanctions be levied against universities that invite terrorist enemies to speak on their campuses?

 

It might be debatable if President Ahmadinejad is a terrorist. Iran is a terrorist nation. It is not worth the argument. If anything, the visit showed what leftist universities really are. It exposed them. After his visit, Columbia University professors trekked to Iran to personally apologize to President Ahmadinejad for the rough treatment he received on campus.

 

      5) The Jayson Blair Times has been accused of giving away troop movements. Does freedom of speech allow for this? If not, should media outlets that engage in such behavior face criminal sanctions?

 

Absolutely. I’m 71 years old. In World War II, people who gave away secrets were tried for treason. Treason is not treated seriously anymore. In earlier days people were shot for treason. People accused of treason should be given a fair trial and a good defense, but if they are found guilty, they should be punished. 

 

      6) Chris Rock says the same things in his comedy routines that Bill Cosby and Juan Williams express regarding concerns facing black America. Yet Chris Rock gets a pass because it is comedy. Do you believe that most black Americans truly disagree with the issues being discussed, or are they just keeping silent due to fear of repercussions?

 

People who the media focus on disagree with the average black person. Black Americans living in bad neighborhoods are worried about being mugged, the sounds of gunshots, and having their property destroyed.   Polls show that a slight majority of blacks are in favor of the death penalty, against abortion, and in favor of prayer in schools. The black so-called leadership express other values.

 

Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton have more in common with white hippies than with the average black person. Black people, according to survey polls, actually have more in common with Jerry Falwell. Most black voters are supporting Barack Obama, while the Congressional Black Caucus is supporting Hillary Clinton. This is another example of black leaders not reflecting black people. Also, the term “black leaders” is a strange term. Go to any other culture and ask who their leaders are and you will get strange looks. Who are the Irish leaders? The Italian leaders? The Jewish leaders? The Chinese leaders? Why do we alone as blacks need leaders? Are we too dumb to think for ourselves that we need leaders? Again, black leaders appeal to white hippies, but most black Americans are closer in thinking to Jerry Falwell.  

 

      7) Who are your 3 favorite USA political heroes, and your 3 favorite non-USA political heroes?

 

My favorite American political hero is President Grover Cleveland. He was known as the “Veto King.” His total number of vetoes exceeded the total number of vetoes of his predecessors combined. He understood that charity is not part of the U.S. Constitution. In vetoing a charity bill, he stated, “I can find no warrant for such an appropriation in the Constitution, and I do not believe that the power and duty of the General Government ought to be extended to the relief of individual suffering which is in no manner properly related to the public service or benefit.”

 

http://www.gmu.edu/departments/economics/wew/quotes/govt.html

 

I also admire former Presidents James Madison and Thomas Jefferson. As for world leaders, obviously there is Margaret Thatcher. In addition, I admire Golda Meir and Winston Churchill.     

 

      8.) Outside of Milton Friedman and Dr. Thomas Sowell, not many economists are achieving legendary status today. Has the age of the “superhero uber-economist” passed? If not, who are the rising economists we should all know and admire?

 

(When Dr. Williams expressed that he was not sure he would call either Milton Friedman or Dr. Thomas Sowell “legends,” even though he had befriended both of them, I stated to him that I was arbitrarily bestowing that title on them. He laughed.)

 

Milton Friedman was a good friend of mine. Thomas Sowell is a good friend of mine. The problem with economists is that we haven’t made the tools and thinking of our profession accessible to the ordinary person. There is too much jargon and technicality. Also, economists tend to be the skunk at the picnic. When politicians are talking about free this or free that, economist point out that nothing is free and in order for government to give to one person it must take from another. People don’t like to hear that. This prevents economists from being seen as rock stars. The average person does not relate to such a dose of reality.

 

      9) Mutual Fund Manager Bill Fleckenstein uses a slogan “Often wrong, but never in doubt.” With that in mind, do you have any predictions for the democratic primaries, and the General Election? Do you have any personal preferences?

 

Also, as a follow up question, G. Gordon Liddy has referred to Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh and other harsh critics of Senator John McCain as “Suicide Bomber Republicans.” Should we fall in line behind Senator McCain, or is it reasonable to just stay home, or even vote for Hillary to teach republicans a lesson?

 

I have no predictions, and I condemn all of the remaining candidates on domestic policy. John McCain is the best among them on foreign policy.

 

As for teaching republicans a lesson, that would not be smart, to stay home. It is alright to criticize Senator McCain. To take it a step further, it is also perfectly alright for Republicans to criticize President Bush when he is wrong, such as with the prescription drug benefit and “No Child Left Behind.” If Al Gore had been President and done half of what President Bush did, conservatives would have been all over him. We can hold Senator McCain’s feet to the fire, and still vote for him. Domestically, he is the lesser of three evils.

 

      10) How would you like to be remembered? 100 years from now what would you want people to think about Dr. Walter Williams the person?

 

While my primary job is teaching economics, my goal is to sell Americans on the moral superiority of personal liberty, whose main ingredient is limited government. If liberty dies in America, it is dead in all places for all times. I would hope people would remember that I tried to teach people about the importance of liberty.

 

 

 

I would like to thank Dr. Williams for his generosity with regards to his time. He mentioned to me that he does not take days off, and that he works seven days a week. He has the energy of a man half his age, but the brilliance obtained with the wisdom that age delivers. His intelligence is beyond dispute, but his humility was refreshing. He clearly understands that great concepts are meaningless unless they can be communicated effectively to the average person. He is not afraid to take on the flaws in his own profession, and he puts principles above sacred cows.

 

If Rush Limbaugh needs to take more time off, his show will not miss a beat as long as Dr. Williams is filling in. The only people who would suffer for this would be liberals having their arguments dispelled, and students at George Mason University, who would miss out on top notch economics lectures on those days.

 

I wish Dr. Williams the best of everything, and look forward to reading his next column.   

 

After all, as he reminds us, he is black, by popular demand.

 

eric

Copacabana–From Hawaii to Havana

Wednesday, February 20th, 2008

With apologies to Barry Manilow, who should himself apologize for so many reasons, I bring you the 2008 political version of the Copacabana, from Hawaii to Wisconsin to Havana.

Supporters of Hillary…

They yelled “You go, girl!”

Oh she of ever changing hair,

and not an ounce of flair…

She would meander…

and cackle “ha-ha!”

and while she tried to be a star

Obama came in from afar

He commanded a crowded floor

And Oprah added more

They were young, hip, and attractive

Who could ask for more?

It was pure Oprah…

and Obamamania…

From Hawaii to Wisconsin to Havana…

Obama reached out…

Hill hates republicans…

Barack inspired passion,

Hill was out of fashion…

Obamamania…

Hill lost the love…

His name was Fidel…

He ruled an Island…

Decrepit in his chair

He saw Hillary standing there

When she finished…

He called her over…

2 socialists in love…

Until hubby Bill took off the gloves…

And then the punches flew…

Chairs were smashed in two…

One man collapsed from boredom upon the floor…

But who bored who?

Not Oprah…

Or Obama…

They were hot from Honolulu to Havana…

Obamamania…

had swept Wisconsin

Barack brought more passion

Hill fell further out of fashion

Obamamania…

She lost more love

Her name was Hillary…

They once screamed “You go, girl!”

But that was many years ago

When she and Bill ran the show

There is still dancing…

but not for Hillary

Fading like Fidel…

Her dreams have gone to hell…

She’s now even more unkind

She beats Bill till he’s blind

She lost her youth,

She lost the election,

Now she’s lost her mind

Because Oprah…

and Obama…

Are off to Texas and Ohio with momentum

They worry about John McCain…

and the General Election Campaign…

Heroism vs passion…

Both gave Hill a smashing…

Yet she learned nothing…

2012 with love…

Ok folks, I admit it. I have some serious screws loose.

I guess I am just giddy. First the New England Patriots lose.

Then Fidel Castro leaves not with a bang, but with a whimper, in the form of a note, most likely one spelled badly.

Anything truly is possible. I truly still believe Hillary will somehow find a way at the 11th hour to steal…

You know what? Never mind. I will declare today an optimism only zone.

Thank you Hawaii, Wisconsin and Havana. The world is three small steps closer to being a better place today than it was yesterday.

Despots do not go gently into that good night. They hang on by their fingernails, dragged from the world stage kicking and screaming.

Yet lord willing, get dragged away they will. Fidel Castro and Hillary Clinton are not gone.

Yet slowly, ever so slowly, they might just might be on the verge of leaving.

Hillary is right that Obama is an empty suit, but it is a likable suit that looks nice. Unfortunately for her, she is an empty suit that is unlikable. She will hopefully soon be confined to wherever people keep leisure suits. Perhaps she can wear one while playing shuffleboard at some political retirement home, far away from Washington, DC.

The 2008 race for the democratic nomination and the right to get trounced by republican John McCain continues. He is one tough hombre. It would be fitting if the old war hero outlasts the Cuban cancer that bedeviled 10 previous U.S. Presidents.

(quick election update…with 8% in Hawaii, Obama led 77 to 23%. More importantly, Hillary had exactly 666 votes. I could not make that up if I tried)

The old warhorse will prosper, while Fidel Castro and Hillary Clinton will get lost once and for all.

At the risk of plagiarizing Barack Obama, or perhaps Deval Patrick, on this issue…

I have hope.

eric

The Onion Primary

Tuesday, February 19th, 2008

For those in 49 other states, there is a state called Wisconsin. Today is their primary. Wisconsin is known for three things. 1) Cheese. 2) The Green Bay Packers. 3) The Onion.

Although it relocated to New York City, which will most likely kill some of its charm, “The Onion” will always be the pride of some warped lunatics from Madison, Wisconsin. The Onion is the best satire newspaper in the country.

Therefore, since the democrats running for President are completely fake, it would be best to have them covered by fake news.

www.theonion.com

I could cover real news stories, but at this point in the world, there are none.

President George Herbert Walker Bush endorsed John McCain. This would help except that former President Bush lost his reelection because he was detested by conservatives.

There is only one endorsement that matters, and somebody needs to bother Nancy Reagan in the hospital and get her opinion. She has some nerve trying to recuperate from a potentially life threatening fall by thinking about herself. Ronald Reagan would have made jokes. Nevertheless, I hope Mrs. Reagan is recovering nicely.

Did Barack Obama plagiarize Deval Patrick? Of course he did. Should it matter? Perhaps? Does it matter? No. He is black. He is articulate. The media has decided that his trips to the toilet don’t stink. Therefore, there is no story here. Besides, Oprah supports him, and lord knows her trips to the toilet are pure pearls, flushed down a golden toilet in a lavatory made of platinum. Personally, I don’t think she needs to go to the toilet. Only commoners do that.

As for the Clintons, they are just frustrated that they finally are seen as stinking to high heaven. They did back in 1992, but they were not called on it. So if anything, Obama is guilty of plagiarizing the role of likable candidate. There is no copyright on likability, which makes it even more bizarre that Hillary would not observe likable people and copy them. Everything else about her is copied, processed, focus group analyzed, and poll tested. Every word and every idea is “liberated” from somewhere else. Yet a personality transplant requires having an understanding of what constitutes a likable personality.

As for Obama being able to heal the sick, rescuing a woman who swooned at his rally, Mike Huckabee has a direct line to the almighty, so Obama should stop plagiarizing Huckabee’s healing abilities. I wonder which one of them will heal the Clintons and turn them from angry narcissists who scream and occasionally try to physically assault dissenters, and turn them into decent human beings that have kindness and compassion for those with different last names from them.

My old socialist college professor once said that our papers should be one long gigantic footnote, because, “There is no original thought.” Hillary has taken this to an art form. Writing a story on the “real” and “authentic” Hillary Clinton is impossible because nobody has ever met her. Some compare her to a robot, but if she has a functioning soul, heart and body beneath her carefully crafted media scripted concoction, people have never seen it.

I could report about sports, but the Daytona 500 and the NBA Allstar Game are just ways of trying to ease the pain of the NFL being on hiatus until September. The only sports story that interests me concerns the erotic photos taken by the cheerleaders of the Sacramento Kings. Now those are allstars I would not mind playing a game involving the bouncing of round objects with.

As for the actual politics behind the Wisconsin primary, any story written will be phony. The facts are that Obama has won 8 contests in a row, mainly by landslides. If Hillary wins Wisconsin, she will be the “comeback kid.” She has lost 2/3 of the contests, but somehow she will be declared the candidate with momentum. Obama will most likely win easily in the Hawaii Caucus by a wide margin, but that will be dismissed because he lived there for some time. The real story is that Obama has smacked Hillary around in terms of the popular vote and delegates. Yet she is seen as a fighter because she occasionally wins something.

So since the real story does not matter, we might as well focus on fake news. After all, unlike Hillary and Obama, The Onion at least admits upfront that every word emanating from its rhetorical mouth is fake. The Onion provides laughter. The democrats running for President are merely laughable, and yet in the serious times of today, I am not amused.

So now I present the only media outlet to get the stories right. The Wisconsin Primary is the Onion Primary. Here is the Onion reporting on the “War for the White House.”

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/candidates

In addition, below are profiles of every candidate still in the race, in addition to those who decided the job was beneath the dignity of most people. As Howard Stern has said about being the king of radio, “There is no point getting to the top of the heap if it is a heap of sh*t.” Nevertheless, the candidates and their qualifications are below.

 

Hillary Clinton:

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/hillaryclinton

 

Experience:
Husband secretly let her run country from 1997-1999

Signature Issue:
Becoming President of the United States

Health Care: “I am the only candidate who can claim experience on the issue of health care: an experience of glaring, humiliating failure dating back more than a decade.”

 

Iraq War: “I would never have voted for the war had we known it would become unpopular.”

 

Barack Obama:

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/barackobama

 

Issues:
Pro-hopes, also supports dreams

Favorite Way To Mollify Supporters:
Nodding solemnly while gripping podium

Health Care: Promises to reduce cost of health care by demanding private insurance companies stop liking astronomical profits.

 

Iraq War: Will have American soldiers tell the Iraqi soldiers that they’re just going out for some smokes, and then sneak back home to America.

 

John McCain:

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/johnmccain

 

Awards:
Distinguished Flying Cross (Vietnam War); Silver Star (World War II); Bronze Star (Crimean War)

Inspiring Example:
Co-sponsored a campaign finance act with Democrat Russ Feingold, the aim of which is to leave every campaigner as broke as McCain and Feingold

Health Care: Supports universal health care for all current and former POWs.

 

Iraq War: “The United States should no longer act as the world’s police but instead as the world’s stripper, dressed as the police.”

 

Mike Huckabee:

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/mikehuckabee

 

Signature Issue:
Retrieving the Ark of the Covenant

 

Ron Paul:

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/ronpaul

 

Iraq War: Opposes it for some complicated libertarian reason best explained in a rambling, discursive way by your office I.T. guy.

 

Chris Dodd:

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/christopherdodd

 

Biggest Disadvantage:
Not even wife knows who he is

 

Joe Biden:

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/joebiden

 

Reason For Running:
in a rut, career-wise

 

Bill Richardson:

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/billrichardson

 

Forced to Publicly Apologize For:
As a child, his half-American side used to pay his half-Mexican side a substandard wage to clean his room

 

John Edwards:

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/johnedwards

Greatest Strength:
Notable ‘ding’ sound when smiling

Campaign Slogan:
“You know what I like? America.”

 

Dennis Kucinich:

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/denniskucinich

Worst Moment:
Nearly devoured by Wisconsin Congressman James Sensenbrenner on House floor

 

Mitt Romney:

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/mittromney

 

Iraq War: Would unite warring religious factions by deploying over 100,000 Books of Mormon to the nation’s most fractious regions.

 

Fred Thompson:

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/fredthompson

 

Campaign Ad Voiceover Ability:
Strong

Most Ambitious Proposal:
Vows to improve U.S. IMDb STARmeter ranking by 19% during first six months of office

 

Rudy Giuliani:

http://www.theonion.com/content/whitehousewar/rudygiuliani

 

Favorite Way To Relax:
Long strolls through piles of smoking rubble and twisted metal

Health Care: Supports universal health care for everyone except his bitch ex-wives.

 

At some point votes will come in from Wisconsin. To determine the winner of the Onion Primary, I will be reading the Onion itself.

Everything else, save this daily column, is ill informed garbage.

With that spirit, I shall go to the “King of the Hill” website to determine the Texas vote, and analyze the National Football League Hall of Fame Game results from Canton in years past to predict what will happen in Ohio.

I shall also consult with Larry the Cable Guy, who stated that “to me, Super Tuesday is when they have 99 cent tacos.”

Tacos have onions. It all does tie together.

eric

From George W to George W

Monday, February 18th, 2008

He was saddled with a controversial war that had the potential to split the country. He was roundly criticized at the time for leading America to its destruction. Any number of mistakes could have caused America to cease existing as a nation. George W was doing irreparable damage.

No, not George W. Bush…George Washington.

Happy Presidents Day. More specifically, Happy Thankless Job Day to the leader of the free world. I truly wonder why anybody would want this job.

The reason why we celebrate Presidents Day is because Americans have gotten cheated out of separate birthday holidays for George Washington and Abraham Lincoln.

George Washington was the father of his country. Yet the Revolutionary War was not popular when it started. Most Americans did not want to break away from England. After several high profile military defeats, enlistment levels were down, and morale was low. Yet a critical battle at Saratoga in New York turned things around.

Abraham Lincoln was not universally beloved while he was alive. He was certainly not happy in his marriage. He was married to a dominating shrew that had a habit of hurling vases. If Lincoln were alive today he might be helping Mrs. Lincoln become president just so he could get the peace and quiet that eluded him while he was in office. During his Presidency, he was seen as a bumbler that had incompetent generals. The fact that the North finally did win the Civil War did not change the fact that many carped about why it took so long to get the right general to begin with.

I cannot recall any President that was universally loved while they were in office. There were ones that “did not harm.” They presided over peaceful times, and failed to make matters worse. That assessment is often given to Calvin Coolidge in the 1920s, Dwight Eisenhower in the 1950s, and Bill Clinton in the 1990s. Yet these men that were seen as peripheral by some were seen as merely ignoring serious issues that their successors would have to deal with.

We deify men like John F. Kennedy. At the risk of slaying a sacred cow, Kennedy the myth was much more significant than Kennedy the man. He was an indistuingished Senator who won an election riddled with fraud. He spoke well, but did not have any concrete achievements. He died a tragic and untimely death, and became a hero in the mold of Marilyn Monroe, and later on, Elvis Presley. Yet while his words often did eventually ring true, such as putting a man on the moon, his actual Presidency is mostly myth, with little actual results.

JFK is not the only one to be lionized. Harry Truman is romanticized as an honest and sincere man, which he may have been. While in office, he was seen as a bumbler.

Even Presidents that truly did change the world were beleaguered while in office. Ronald Reagan won the Cold War and brought down the Berlin Wall. Yet by the end of his second term, he had lost Congress, and was mired in scandal.

It is through this lens of history that I maintain that we will not know for another three decades what will become of the Presidency of George W. Bush.

Many individuals hate his guts. They hated him before he was ever sworn in. They believe he stole a close election, which they apparently never attribute to their God JFK defeating Richard Nixon in 1960. That was a stolen election.

So George W. Bush’s detractors hated him not for his deeds, but for his existence. He is in favor of something, so his critics have to reflexively be against it.

With George W. Bush leaving office in less than one year, I can safely say that the opinions of him now do not matter. Today is a vacuum. Anybody can judge things in a vacuum. The only thing that matters in the long run is the judgment of history. I maintain that the history books will be kind to George W. Bush.

Everything will depend on the War on Terror, with Iraq being the central front. If Iraq succeeds, which it may be on the verge of doing, than the honorable goal of making the world a better place will have been achieved. Saddam Hussein is already dead. Slowly but surely, Iraq is on the upswing.

Some would say that if Iraq were to fail, the legacy of George W. Bush would that of failure. This would be an overstatement. After all, the Berlin Wall fell when George Herbert Walker Bush was President. Yet the seeds began during the Reagan Presidency, which is why the Gipper is properly given the credit.

Lyndon Johnson actually did pass civil rights legislation, yet JFK is given the credit. Some say Kennedy put the idea in motion, but others say his words were lip service, and that he did not have the same passion for civil rights that his brother did.

We can dissect every aspect of George W. Bush, but the truth is that we need time to see how his deeds affect the world after he leaves office. From Chief Justice John Roberts to General David Petraeus to Treasury Secretaries to the next President, the George W. Bush story has not been written yet. Sure there are some that had it written before he took office, but those without the fancy 3-D glasses they sell at 7-11 can be openminded enough to admit that stories take time to develop.

On this President’s Day, I can only look at George W. Bush and feel sympathy for the man. He came into office expecting to focus on economics, and history dealt him a situation that nobody is ever prepared for. Thrust into a war that nobody except the terrorists wanted, he had to be a steely eyed leader. If he failed at this task, an American collapse would not be unthinkable.

I remember how young and vigorous George W. Bush looked in 1999. He looks much older now. War takes its toll.

George W. Bush was not destined for greatness. If anything, he was destined for mediocrity. Yet for some reason, history thrust a situation upon him. Those who believe he met the historical challenge will see him as a great President. Those who feel he failed to answer history’s call will see him as a disaster. Either way, there most likely will be no middle ground. No matter what, unlike his predecessor, he will be seen as relevant. He cannot be average. He will either be among the best, or the worst.

Some judge a President on their ability to elect their successor. Ronald Reagan was successful in this endeavor. Bill Clinton was not. Yet George W. Bush’s successor is actually Dick Cheney. So if John McCain wins, does President Bush get credit? If McCain loses, does President Bush get blame?

When all is said and done, the main criteria for evaluating Presidents should be whether or not they made America better.

With some Presidents, evaluation is simple. Thomas Jefferson doubled the size of the country with one purchase. He was a success. By almost every possible conceivable metric, Jimmy Carter was a failure.

Most Presidents are more complex.

George W. Bush is not universally beloved at this moment. He is beleaguered.

30 years from now, when Presidents Day includes several more Presidents, we will remember that in the same way we now see critics of George W. Bush, we saw much worse way back when.

Yet George Washington and Abraham Lincoln did just fine in the long run. In the long run, all there is is the long run.

May Presidents Day bring us one day closer to peace in this world, and may it bring peace of mind for George W. Bush. Everybody needs a respite from the worries of the world.

After all, Presidents are people too.

eric

NFL Radio Live

Sunday, February 17th, 2008

I am one week into the NFL Offseason, and I already can’t stand it. As expected, I will be joining a flag football league in March. However, I was not put on this Earth to do things and exert physical activity. I prefer relaxing on my couch and watching others do them. Heck, in college I was even one of the Vice Presidents of the “Lethargy Club.” We even had names that were takeoffs on the “Care Bears.” One friend of mine was “Lethargy Bear.” Another one was “Apathy Bear.” I was known as “F*ck it Bear,” due to my blase attitude, and lust for the ladies.

After a Saturday night that featured some friends getting drunk and singing Karaoke, I figured I could sleep until noon and then report on the Daytona 500. I accomplished the first mission, only to find out that the race had not started yet. That concludes my NASCAR report. In several hours, go to ESPN’s website to see who won.

So to feed my NFL addiction, I will be conducting a radio program with Frank of “Political Vindication Radio.”

www.politicalvindicationradio.com

The program Frank and I will be doing is called “NFL Live 2008.” It will be every Sunday at 8pm PST, 11pm EST. Frank will provide the knowledge, and I will provide…well, something I guess.

Oh, and a late breaking story involving the Daytona 500…at the inception of the race, the pole position was actually in second place. The pace car was in first place. However, like most races, as soon as the checkered flag comes down, the pace car gives up. Nobody likes a quitter. I am now anti-pace car.

Also, in another Daytona 500 human interest story, racer Jimmy Johnson is one of the only people in the history of auto racing whose first and last names are both euphemisms for male genitalia. The only other person in sports with that distinction to my knowledge was the former coach of the Dallas Cowboys, who also is named Jimmy Johnson.

Anyway, it is a beautiful day outside, so I am going to have lunch and then take a nap.

I did catch the end of the Daytona 500, with Ryan Newman stunning Tony Stewart on the last lap to win. Dale Earnhardt Jr. Finished 9th.

Tune in to Blog Talk Radio Sundays at 8pm PST…NFL Radio Live…where football season never ends.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/NFL-Radio-Live

eric

Comedy Saturday

Saturday, February 16th, 2008

As I prepare to enter the first week of approximately 30 weeks of misery, I have solicited opinions from the entire world to provide me with ideas. I made the mistake of not being specific in that I wanted actual good ideas. So to those who offered terrible suggestions, and you should know who you are, do not expect me to rescue you when you trip and fall into a volcano.

Ok, so football season just ended and I am already getting punchy.

At times like this I refer back to Craig T. Nelson on “Coach.” When his girlfriend pointed out that she went to all his football games but he never went with her to the art gallery, he earnestly replied, “Yeah, but people like football.” Men everywhere should memorize that scene, and force women to watch it.

More than one person suggested that I discuss the baseball steroid hearings on Capitol Hill. The problem with that suggestion is that the only thing more boring than Congress on C-Span is baseball. Combine the two, and insomnia is cured. For the safety of all Americans, it should be illegal to drive a car after watching it. Speaking of illegal, one way we could eliminate all illegal immigrants is by making them drive 18 wheelers in traffic after watching the baseball hearings. I am not sure if the Geneva Convention considers that torture.

Somebody pointed out to me that the republicans seemed to be defending Roger Clemens, while the democrats were attacking him. I did not see the hearings, but this makes sense.

For one thing, Roger Clemens was alleged to have been injected with steroids in his anus. I wonder if Senator Larry Craig was taking notes. Clemens had a wide stance when pitching, and Senator Craig has a wide stance when allegedly trolling for young, hot, male mall @ss.

The other reason this would make sense is that athletes tend to be republicans. Jim Bunning, Jack Kemp, J.C. Watts and others are all right of center. Liberals are usually the angry bitter guys that got beat up by the athletes in Junior High School. They seek vengeance for having been stuffed into their lockers by growing up and raising taxes on their former tormentors.

Anyway, now that football is done, there is always NASCAR. That would be helpful except that I don’t watch NASCAR. I haven’t been able to watch a race since Dale Earnhardt died. I do root for his son, but not enough to watch. I know that I am not a fan of pretty boy Jeff Gordon.

As comedian and blue collar hero Jeff Foxworthy points out, “Jeff Gordon is not a real racer. Jeff Gordon is not a real racer, because Jeff Gordon can enunciate.” Now Dale Earnhardt was as incomprehensible as “Boomhauer” on “King of the Hill.” That was an auto racer.

So with no real sports on television, I would rather people read other blogs rather than wasting their time on mine. There are some funny people out there.

“America Needs Me” is the blog of conservative comedian Stephen Kruiser. I do not recall who introduced me to him, but the guy is warped and funny.

http://stephenkruiser.blogspot.com/

http://www.stephenkruiser.com/

While my blog is not about equal time, a liberal comedian worth checking out is Jackie Clarke. For those wondering why I would bother promoting a leftist, it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I want to claw through her underwear with my teeth until she screams either my name or that of Ronald Reagan.

I am just trying to help out a friend, nothing more. As for rumors that I want to give her the ketchup bottle treatment, these rumors have to stop. They are totally inappropriate, and beneath the dignity of a hot piece of liberal tail like her. She has also a deep knowledge of football, but despite my begging her to send me a picture of her wearing only a football helmet, she remains chaste, at least with me.

http://www.jackieclarke.blogspot.com/

Not every comedian has a bottom that I want to play volleyball with. Despite my unhealthy affection for bald guys, I desire them much less than they desire me. Nevertheless, one cueball friend of mine deserves all the fame that comes his way, whether it be plenty or none. For those who are Jews or fans of Burger King and McDonalds, or all of the above, be warned in advance. As for Arabs that prefer falafel, to the best of my limited knowledge he has not offended you yet.

http://www.pointless-drivel.com/

One fellow sent me a nice note with his suggestion.

 

“Eric:

Thanks for your message. My sympathies. I too find the end of
football season to be the end of my active interest in sports.

Given your extensive acquaintance with the media and entertainment,
how about a commentary on cultural garbage of the week?

Tom”

The problem with this is that me pointing out cultural garbage would be hypocritical, given that my blog gets worse by the day. It hurts that every day other people are linking to my blog as an example of where society went wrong, so I will not sink to their level.

Thanks for nothing Tom!

I will say that while I like political brawling, rarely is it very funny. Yet Bill O’Reilly had on a guest that got off the line of the night, forcing me to rethink an issue. Given how closeminded I am, this is impressive.

Dr. Marc Lamont Hill is a young black professor of urban studies at Temple University. He is a liberal, but for once he made a good point. O’Reilly was suggesting in the wake of the most recent school shooting that professors should be allowed to carry concealed weapons. Now I am staunchly pro Second Amendment, but Dr. Hill asked a valid question. “Would you want Ward Churchill carrying a gun?”

In an ideal world, the professors would not be more psychotic than the student killers, but life is not ideal. I will have to ponder that one.

Another individual recommended to me that does not share my ideology is a fellow that is “Rudely Stamped.”

 

http://www.rudelystamped.blogspot.com/

Scroll down to his post on illegal immigration and the national debt. This fellow is a crackpot, meaning he might be right on target.

Another fellow that is highly entertaining is the Pissed Off Tree Rat. He likes the Detroit Lions, so I understand his pain.

http://pissedofftreerat.wordpress.com/

Lastly, for those that get beyond bored, I never get tired of the following clip of a prank phone call. Clips from Jack Nicholson in “A Few Good Men,” are spliced, and the woman receiving the call has no idea what hit her. It is only 75 seconds long.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jHytjg-5KA

Ok all, I am off to try and find reasons to live given that there is no football on Sunday. I shall ponder my pain while taking a nap. Your sympathy is underwhelming.

eric

 

 

Fear of the Follically Challenged

Friday, February 15th, 2008

There was a shooting in Illinois. People will make pious pronouncements, and then the story will fade.

The Wisconsin primary is in four days. Wake me up in 3 days in 23 hours.

Football season is over, and the Daytona 500 has nothing to do with football.

The writers’ strike ended. This is sad, but not news.

President’s Day could be an uplifting column about the Founding Fathers.

I guess what I am saying is that my column, which usually contributes nothing to decent society, will offer even less today.

No, I will not be doing recaps of episodes of the “Celebrity Apprentice,” but it is time to go back to the intellect that springs from my couch.

Yes, the guys and I were sitting around discussing the issues, and we have already exhausted the topics of C3PO and Fraggle Rock. Yet while Valentine’s Day would be a great day to debate whether or not lapdancing is cheating, that can wait until next year.

We are in the thick of a Presidential race, and I am deeply concerned that discrimination and bigotry will guide people. Oh sure, they claim they are openminded, saying all the right things when pollsters call. Yet when nobody is looking, will they truly have the courage to stop the discrimination against the follically challenged Americans?

It is time for a bald President.

Rudy Giuliani turned around New York City. He was amazing on 9/11. Yet Americans turned away from him. They looked deeper at him and concluded, sadly but accurately, “He’s bald.”

Fred Thompson was warm and cuddly, but all people talked about was frying an egg on top of that gleaming cueball. Oh yeah, and his wife was hot as well.

Jim Gilmore ran for President, although most people outside his family do not remember this. He was from Virginia. His platform? I forget. I just took  one look at him and said, “He’s bald.”

This discrimination has to stop.

The republican party’s best chance for winning the election on pure handsomeness went down the drain when Mitt Romney dropped out.

Unlike the big tent of the republican party, the democrats are as exclusionary as it gets. Barack Obama? Sure, he has funny ears, but so did Ross Perot. His crop on top is fine.

Hillary Clinton? No evidence exists that her hair is a weave. She is also married to Bill Clinton. He may not do anything with dignity or grace, but in terms of aging, he is a swan.

John Edwards? I will never be as pretty as that man, and I am pretty d@ng pretty.

The democrats are elitist Hollywood snobs. Unless you are straight out of central casting, you are banned from the stage.

Republicans even allowed a man with a full beard and top hat to lead them. His birthday is this month, although he shares it now with a fellow who wore a white wig. The bottom line is that republicans are the physical egalitarians.

Is Actor Roscoe Lee Browne a republican? If so, he can be Vice President. He is black, bald, and charismatic. He might also be deceased, so this suggestion is pending his currently actually existing.

Telle Savalas can be Attorney General, if Fred Thompson is unavailable.

The fear of the follically challenged must stop. They are people, they are among us, and they are demanding their place at the table.

This is just another reason to support John McCain.

I see the tide turning. At least 70-80% of the republican electorate supported follically challenged candidates. This is a mandate.

I am just trying to prevent riots in the street. When fat, bald, white men in their 50s start storming the American equivalent of whatever a Bastille is, watch out.

No longer should men have to go underground and remain in the closet. David Letterman makes 30 million dollars per year, and society has him wearing a toupee. Despite encouragement from Dr. Phil, Letterman will not join him and ditch the dishrag.

John Kerry claimed his band of brothers, but what is fighting with people in a war when they are jealous of your perfect mane?

John McCain is an American hero. He was tortured at the Hanoi Hilton for 5 1/2 years. They broke his ribs and fractured his arms and legs. They also shaved his head. Perhaps this is why he is against torture. Nobody should have their head shaved. To compound the pain, his captors grew thick beards.

Whether it be Al Queda or the Taliban, inbetween bouts of terrorism, these men are growing excess hair. How dare they mock male pattern baldness! That is unamerican, and these savages must be stopped.

John McCain gave his hair for his country. His follicles are probably still in that Vietnamese prison.

I am lucky enough as of this column to have a full head of spectacular hair. I am not Mitt Romney or John Edwards, but I am handsomer than the average bear.

Yet some of the people that have provided me with some of the best things in my life were follically challenged. I owe them my support.

Blind people have eye doctors. Deaf people can be given hearing aids. Fat people can diet or have liposuction.

There is no cure for the follically challenged.

Somebody must defend these people. Otherwise, if we lose our hair, nobody will be left to speak up for us.

Jim Gilmore, Fred Thompson and Rudy Giuliani had accomplishments. The American people did not care. The democrats were busy deciding between three perfectly coiffed individuals that had perfect hair and nothing else.

So I say turn up the radios, let “The Cowsills,” sing, “Flow it there, show it there, long, beautiful, my hair,” and pay homage to those who lack what we still hold dear.

John McCain is tested. He will not be afraid of terrorists, even ones that have excess hair.

So before we go to the polls in November, I shall leave you with the chant that caused my team to lose “Colorwar” at Summer Camp back in 1980. We were ahead by 2 1/2 points, and the 5 point penalty costs us the championship. The unit head did not find it funny. Instead of penalizing us for our chant, he should have worn it like a badge of honor.

Bald is beautiful.

Let the chrome domes roam. Vote for John McCain.

eric