Archive for October, 2010

Election 2010–House of Representatives

Thursday, October 21st, 2010

Today I am driving from my home in Los Angeles to a lunchtime Tea Party rally in San Diego followed by a dinnertime rally in Yuma, Arizona.

In the last couple days I have covered Senatorial and Gubernatorial candidates. Today is dedicated to the House of Representatives.

Again, I would like Republicans to win 435 to 0. Outside of Dick Morris, nobody on the right is that optimistic. I cannot cover every race or candidate. People who do that brilliantly are Larry Sabato, Michael Barone, Richard Baehr, and Charlie Cook. There are certain races I care about the most. This list will be updated as the election gets closer because I know I have accidentally left some people out.


Bruce Bowen over Maxine Waters. I know Bruce personally. As for Maxine, she is a delightful combination of laziness, race-baiting, and corruption. She is Bell, California, but with  a deeper sense of entitlement. She needs to go.

Chuck Wilkerson over Henry Waxman–I have met Chuck. He is a decent man. As for Waxboy, he is a bully. His staff are thugs, and came after me personally for having the nerve to be a conservative blogger. Waxboy is able to ignore his constituents because he gets Hollywood money. He wants to destroy American capitalism under the guise of greeniac lunacy.

Mark Reed over Brad Sherman–I know Mark Reed. He is an American Indian who is a solid conservative. He is also staunchly pro-Israel. As he has said many times regarding Israel, “if you want to know what happens to people who give up land, as an American Indian.” Sherman is not as toxic in his attitude as Waxman or Waters, yet he is wrong on the issues.

Mattie Fein over Jane Harman–Jane Harman is not a nutcase, but she has not stood up to Pelosi with regards to base closings. Mattie Fein is a telegenic Jewish Republican who is fantastic on issues of Israel and Iran, in addition to being economically conservative. People who like John Bolton will like Mattie Fein. I know her very well.

Van Tran over Loretta Sanchez–Loretta resorted to bigotry by telling her Spanish audience in Spanish that the Vietnamese are trying to take her seat. How unclassy, how…liberal.

Star Parker over Laura Richardson–Star is a conservative who happens to be a black woman. She is fantastic. I have gotten to know her, and she is a smart, thoughtful telegenic woman. Her opponent came to power in the 2006 GOP election debacle. Star has national recognition, making this race a very possible win despite the liberal tilt of the district.

Dana Rohrabacher–I have gotten to know him recently, and he is very strong on issues of national security. He deserves to be reelected.

Ed Royce–I have gotten to know him recently as well. He is a quiet, thoughtful man, one not known to bombast. He just puts his head down and does his job, which is why his constituents like him. He also should be reelected.

Darrell Issa–He is prepared to subpeona every Democrat official until the corruption on the left stops. He is a bulldog. I have gotten to know him personally, and admire his tenacity. He should be reelected.

Dan Lungren–I met him and found him to be very genuine and sincere. He is a real conservative, and was a very good Attorney General. His race is closer than in should be, so help him get reelected.

Mary Bono Mack–I have met her several times. She is a kind, sincere, thoughtful woman, one of the truly nice people on this planet. She took some heat for her cap and trade vote, but it never became law, so no harm, no foul. She is in a district where moderation is required. She deserves our support and reelection.

John Dennis over Nancy Pelosi–The Pelosiraptor should be fired. If the Republicans win the house, she will most likely resign, creating a special election. The Pelosiraptor is a vile woman. Thousands of words of elaboration are not necessary. The house will be a more civil place when she and her poison are gone.

Michael Crimmins over Susan Davis–Michael is a good man. I have met him personally. He is thoughtful, intelligent, and hard-working.

Tom McClintock must be reelected. He is the only true conservative in the entire state of California. If he had been elected Governor the entire country would have been better off.

Elton Gallegly is a good man. He merits reelection.

Nick Popaditch over Bob Filner. Popaditch is an America hero. He is the guy with one eye, losing his other one defending America. He is what America is about. Support him.

Illinois: Joel Pollak over Jan Schakowsky–I know Joel, and he is a good guy. He is the former law student who took on Barney Frank and exposed Frank for the bully he is. Pollak’s bok “Don’t tell me words don’t matter’ is a must read. He is an Orthodox Jew and a good Republican.

Michigan: Thaddeus McCotter–I just like the guy. I met him once. He is so quick on his feet. I asked him if the Gitmo Detainees should be relocated to Pelosi’s San Francisco district. He replied, “No, that would be cruel and unusual punishment under the 8th Amendment, even for terrorists.” He is a good conservative, the only thing in Michigan that should not be given to Canada. Politicians can be so boring. McCotter mixes common sense with humor.

Minnesota: Michelle Bachman–I have met her several times. She is a phenomenal human being. The left wants to destroy her because she is a female conservative, and a devout Christian at that. She is also professionally a tax attorney, so she knows tax law. She is at the top of the Pelosiraptor’s hit list, another reason to reelect her.


Eric Cantor–I met him a couple of times, and as a Jewish Republican I take great pride in his ascendancy. He is a real conservative, not a deal-making jellyfish who will give in to the left. He faces death threats for being Jewish and Republican, and does not back down. He must be reelected.

Frank Wolf–I met him recently. He is a very serious individual. He is another man who puts his head down and works, eschewing flash or limelight. He should be reelected.

Keith Fimian–He is a lively and inspiring guy who wants to take a wrecking ball to the failed liberal policies that have hurt America, keeping them away from Virginia. His last name is Fimian, which rhymes with Simian, which is my congressman Waxboy.

Rob Wittman–He is a jovial conservative who merits reelection. I met him recently and like his spirit. He i an optimistic sunny conservative.

Hawaii: Charles Djou–I have not had the pleasure of meeting him. He came to Los Angeles but I was out of town. The Republican Jewish Coalition actively worked to get him elected, and  he deserves a full term to bring his moderate Republicanism to very blue Hawaii.

Idaho: Raul Labrador over Walt Minnick–I met him and got to know him  a few months ago. He is a genuinely nice person, and a true Idaho conservative. His opponent claims to be a conservative Democrat, but like too many claiming that, are dragged leftward by the Pelosiraptor. Mr. Labrador will not have that problem.

Texas: Pastor Stephen Broden over Eddie Bernice Johnson–I have met him a couple of times, and he is a fiery orator. Yet being a phenomenal speaker does not mean he lacks substance. That would be President Obama. Pastor Broden matches his passion with compassion. He believes in conservatism to lift human beings, and sees liberalism as dragging and keeping people down. He would be a fantastic addition to the house.

Ted Poe is conservative, and downright likable. I enjoyed meeting him, and his constituents rave about him. They should have him for some time.

Donna Campbell over Lloyd Doggett–I have met Donna and witnessed her give a speech with only one functioning leg due to an injury that should be healed by now. She is diminutive, but a tough fighter and a good person. Elect her.

Bryan Underwood over Henry Cuellar–Bryan Underwood is enthusiastic, and I enjoyed meeting him. He is easygoing and will bring dignity to Congress.

Ohio: Peter Corrigan over Dennis Kucinich–Kucinich is not just a hard leftist who makes the Pelosiraptor look moderate. He is also awful on Israel issues. To his credit, Kucinich takes principled stands and sticks to them. He is not a weasel. He is just wrong. He represents what the Democratic Party has become, although at least he admits it. Peter Corrigan, who I have never met, is your standard Ohio Republican adult who will get to work in a non-flashy, dignified way.


Daniel Webster over Alan Grayson–Alan Grayson is scum. He represents the worst aspect of politics. Also, he might be clinically nuts. Either ay, he should not be medicated on the taxpayer’s dime. I have not met Daniel Webster, but he is not Alan Grayson. That is sufficient.

Colonel Allen West–Colonel West is an American hero and patriot. I have not met him, but have heard him speak. He is inspiring, and oozes leadership. He is a rising star. He happens to be black, but don’t expect the NAACP to support this phenomenal man. Republicans should turn out in droves for him.

Connie Mack is a good guy. His wife is Congresswoman Mary Bono Mack. Connie Mack is solid, and merits reelection.

Joe Budd over Ted Deutch. Joe Budd is a good guy. I met him and liked him. Ted Deutch filled the seat when horrible bully and phony resident Robert Wexler finally did the country and favor and left.

Karen Harrington over Debbie Wasserman-Schultz–As awful as Wexler was, Wasserman-Schultz is just as bad if not worse. She is your standard liberal Jew, refusing to condemn Islamists while confusing Republicans with Al Qaeda. She hates the first group, rarely gets passionate about the second one. I have not met Ms. Harrington, but Ms. Wasserman-Schultz is embarrassingly liberal.

Bernard Sansaricq over Alcee Hastings. I met Bernard. He is a character, a real fun guy. Can we finally agree that an impeached judge like Alcee Hastings brings dishonor to the house? I hope so.

Arizona: Ruth McClung over Raul Grijalva. Ruth is an exceptionally bright woman. I met her, and she literally could be a rocket scientist. Her background is science. Grijalva wanted to boycott his own state. People should boycott Grijalva instead. Ruth McClung is one of the smartest people to run for congress in some time.

Arkansas: Beth Anne Rankin over Mike Ross–I had the pleasure of meeting this former Miss Arkansas and current pistol packing mama from the ultimate military family. At barely 5 feet, she makes it clear that her size will allow her to look the Pelosiraptor in the eye when she goes toe to toe with her. Rankin is fantastic.

Massachusetts: Sean Beilat over Barney Frank–Barney Frank is a disgusting slob. Any criticism of him, he plays the gay card and calls his critics homophobic. He is the corrupt head of the Financial Services Committee who blathered on about the solvency of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac as they were collapsing. He also has had sexual relationships with people he was supposed to be regulating. This is a conflict of interest, but again, any criticism of him is homophobia. Again, he is a disgusting slob. It is time for him to go. I have not met Sean Beilat, but he is far more dignified than Barney the Bully will ever be. It is time for Barney the Dinosaur to go back to the Cretaceous Era.

North Carolina–Howard Coble is a likable guy. I very much enjoyed meeting him. He is very gracious, a true Southern gentleman. He is one of the reasons I am against term limits. The voters of North Carolina agree with me. He should be returned for another term.

If anybody has other races I should cover, please let me know immediately. In the coming days I will cover some of the local races such as judges across the country that unfairly get overlooked. Now go vote, and vote Republican! We need to clean the house and fire the Pelosiraptor!


Election 2010–Governors

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

Yesterday I covered the U.S. Senate. Today as I drive from L as Vegas to a daytime Tea Party rally in Barstow and an evening rally in Los Angeles, I am covering some gubernatorial races I care for.


Butch Otter, Idaho: I met him personally, and spoke in front of him. He is smart, tough, and very well liked by the people of his state. He is a believer in “Western Values.” The most positive thing one can say is that while many states in America are dysfunctional, Idaho works. Businesses operate while the lush green of the state stays pristine. Governor Otter has been a successful governor, and absolutely merits reelection.

Matt Mead, Wyoming: I met him as well, and spoke in front of him. He won a primary against some stiff competition, including former Senator Alan Simpson’s son Colin Simpson. Like Idaho, Wyoming is a state functioning well. Mr. Mead seems well equipped to continue the good leadership in his state.

Jim Keet, Arkansas: I also met and spoke in front of him. He is a likable guy with a good sense of humor. He is a gentleman and a kind man, but also serious about rolling up his sleeves. He knows that Arkansas has been struggling, and he wants to make the state more business friendly. This can only help matters.

Meg Whitman, California: I have met and spoken in front of her as well, but this race captures my attention especially since I live in the Golden State. Meg is smart, competent, and capable. She is a moderate to liberal Republican, which makes conservatives pray she does not become another Arnold Schwarzenegger. A much more positive outcome would be her becoming the next Pete Wilson. He was reviled by conservatives, but is now rightfully seen as a great governor.

For those in California who want a “real conservative,” move to Idaho. The votes are not there in California. Jerry Brown may not be the crazy lefty loon he was in the 1970s, and his stint as Mayor of Oakland gave him some real world experience. Yet Meg Whitman is simply somebody who deserves a chance because her success in business is so impressive that she merits a chance to duplicate that success at the gubernatorial level. California has so many problems, and she is a serious problem solver.

Jan Brewer, Arizona: She is tough as nails, refusing to give in to blackmail and boycotts. Regardless of what one may think of the Arizona immigration law, at least she took a stand and did something. Unlike most politicians who back down at the slightest hint of resistance, Governor Brewer stood firm and stuck to her principles. Her reelection would be validation of her integrity.

Rick Scott, Florida: I was a staunch supporter of Bill McCollum, and was crushed when McCollum lost the primary. Yet Florida is functional, and that is because of successful Republican Governors. Jeb Bush was phenomenal, and Charlie Crist failed to screw things up. Rick Scott needs to just keep Florida a low tax haven where tourists and business alike continue to flock.

Rick Perry, Texas: Texas works. That’s it. Governor Perry followed the successful leadership of George W. Bush by sticking to Texas principles. Businesses are leaving California and coming to Texas. Governor Perry aggressively pursues this. As much as I like Kay Bailey Hutchison, Rick Perry defeating her certainly should be a tougher decision than his defeating a Democratic opponent.

John Kasich, Ohio: Something in the water in Ohio makes the politicians there colossally boring, and Kasich is no exception. Yet what he lacks in anything remotely resembling pizazz he makes up for in being a serious and qualified candidate to run the state. He is a budget guy, and the budget has gone in the tank as the Democrats ran the state. He is known as a principled and likable guy who can work with people to get things done. His house stint left him as a highly regarded and respected individual. Ohio will be in safe hands with him as a safe choice.

Charles Baker, Massachusetts: Deval Patrick is less insufferable than Barack Obama, but his policies are just as bad. Deval is a true leftist. While not a bad guy, his policies are too liberal for even Masachusetts. Charles Baker will not frighten people, in the same way Bill Weld was non-threatening.

Duke Aiona, Hawaii: Linda Lingle was a very successful governor who battled corruption and won in a traditionally blue state. Duke Aiona was her lieutenant governor, and a promotional bump up to the top spot is merited after his successful run as Lingle’s top deputy. Continuity is appropriate when things are working.

Nikki Haley, South Carolina: She is another conservative woman facing a vicious smear campaign for simply being a conservative and existing. Allegations have been made about her, and she has vigorously denied them. If any proof exists, it should be presented. I met Mark Sanford, who looked me in the eye and told me how much he loved his family. So yes, healthy skepticism can exist. However, one South Carolina Governor with these flaws does not mean the successor would have them. Such behavior is not hereditary. Nikki Haley would be celebrated for adding “diversity” if he were a liberal, but the left does not care about diversity when it exists ideologically as well. Haley is a real conservative.

Rick Snyder, Michigan: Jennifer Granholm was the worst governor in the worst state in America. She should be sent back to Canada as a defective product, and Michigan should be sold to Canada. While she is not on the ballot, neither was George W. Bush in 2008. Everything bad in Michigan happened on her watch. Unions destroyed the once proud state, and she accelerated the decline. Rick Snyder is fine because he is not Jennifer Granholm or her successor. That alone is enough.

Chris Dudley, Oregon: I have never met either man in this race, and the only reason I am paying attention to it is that this race is a dead heat, which to me is a shocker. My impression of John Kitzhaber is that he is a moderate to conservative Democrat in a liberal state. Republicans have told me that his “Western” act is just that, but it would still be a stunner to me if he went down.

Bill Brady, Illinois: I have met neither of these men. I ignored this race because I figured the Democrats would win big. Brady leads incumbent Democrat Pat Quinn by 3.5 points. Do not confuse either of these men with Brady Quinn, who has not done well as a quarterback in the NFL. Brady Quinn has not made an endorsement. Either way, this is Illinois, so watch out for corruption.

Time to get to the polls.


Election 2010–Senators

Tuesday, October 19th, 2010

I am driving from Los Angeles to Las Vegas today for the big Tea Party rally.

(I have gone to Vegas for parties before, but this one will end before 5am and will involve less debauchery.)

I will also be at the rallies in Barstow and Los Angeles, and possibly even San Diego and Yuma, Arizona.

As Election 2010 kicks into mega-overdrive, it would be helpful if this political blog actually covered the election. I did not want to be in a state of perpetual campaigning like the president, but in the last couple week, campaigning is understandable.

Today I will focus on the U.S. Senate.

While I want every single Republican to win, there are a few races that are the most important to me. In some cases their is an emotional investment due to a personal connection. In other cases it is ideological. In some cases there are intangible factors.

Republicans are poised for victories, but if we get full of ourselves we could still screw it up. Complacency cannot happen. Except for Jim Demint in South Carolina, nobody is safe.

Here are the races I care the most about in no particular order, and people we must support.

Sharron Angle, Nevada: Harry Reid must go. I have met the man personally, and he was gracious to me. His staff was ultra-professional in dealing with me. I wish the person I saw would have been how he treats others. He is just too mean-spirited.

Also, Nevada leads the nation in bankruptcies and unemployment. It happened on his watch.

(Democrats only like that phrase when applying it to Republican Presidents.)

Harry Reid could not even remember his closing remarks in his last debate. Normally that would be meaningless, but given the cruel way he mocked Sarah Palin for writing notes on her hand, he deserves the same treatment. He is a bully, and it is time for the bully to leave.

I have done a couple of events with Sharron Angle. She is a lovely human being. For those who do not share her views on social issues, so what? This election is about economics. Those who attack her inexperience seem to give a free pass to Barack Obama.

Sharron Angle will return dignity and decorum to the Senate.

Mark Kirk, Illinois: Mark Kirk is a good man. I have met him personally. I do not even care who his opponent is. It does not matter. He has made some mistakes on the campaign trail, but his record is spectacular. He is an expert on defense systems, and one of the best friends Israel has. I was not happy with his cap and trade vote, but it did not become law, so no harm, no foul. He is very moderate, but he is as good as it gets on foreign policy and security.

Carly Fiorina, California: I did not support Carly in the primary. I backed Chuck DeVore. Like a good soldier, I immediately fell in line. I have been very critical of Carly, but she has one major thing in her favor. She is not Barbara Boxer.

Barbara Boxer is a scourge. She is the worst combination of politician, and an equally detestable human being. I have met her, and she is as awful as she comes across. Ask Boxer supporters why Dianne Feinstein votes exactly the same way as Barbara Boxer, yet Feinstein receives none of the hostility. Feinstein coasts to victory while Boxer struggles. Boxer is a prime example of an ideological bigot. She claims to be for women, but has no problems attacking Republican women or defending liberal misogynists in the most vile manner.

Lastly, she has been a dreadful Senator. I disagree with Feinstein, but her reputation is that she works hard. Boxer has sponsored only 3 bills in 18 years. She is Maureen Dowd and Helen Thomas rolled into a giant ball of meanness and incivility. She takes any criticism of her and makes it out to be an attack on all women, which is a lie. The Senate may have hope for decency and dignity if Boxer is fired.

Christine O’Donnell, Delaware: I backed Mike Castle in the primary, but am solidly behind O’Donnell. No, I am not backing her because she is hot (although she is). Maria Cantwell is hot but I would not back her.

I am standing up for Christine O’Donnell because she is being destroyed in one of the worst cases of ideological bigotry in the last…well few days. The left wants her to be destroyed, and squishy Republicans refusing to back her should be ashamed. As a former Castle supporter, this gives me more credibility. The abuse of this good, decent, lovely human being must stop.

Anybody who voted for Obama can shut up about the experience card. Liberals love to claim that every problem from athlete’s foot to foreclosures happened on the previous president’s watch. They should take note that not one bad political catastrophe occurred on Christine O’Donnell’s watch. Her opponent has gotten in the gutter. Again, a vote for Ms. O’Donnell is a vote for civility.

Rand Paul, Kentucky: I am in shock writing this. For weeks I have said that the only Republican candidate I have trouble backing is Rand Paul. Then I saw what a gutter rat his opponent is.

Ron Paul makes me ill. Rand Paul is better on Israel than his father. Rand Paul is hopelessly wrong about the war. However, as a junior senator with little influence in foreign policy, he will not lead an isolationist revolt on his own. On economics he makes sense. There is not a single Republican that makes me as nervous as Rand Paul. Yet his opponent will just bring more poison to the Senate. Rand Paul, for all I disagree with, is a gentleman.

For those noticing a theme here, it is that I am willing to put aside certain policy differences when the choice is between a good person and a bad person. The Democrats in the races cited above are just bad people. They are part of the slash and burn politics of destruction that has to end.

(Exempting Illinois, where I just love Mark Kirk. That is a vote for him, not against his opponent.)

Florida, Marco Rubio: Forget the Democrat. The Meek may inherit the Earth,but not the Senate seat. I am backing Marco Rubio because Charlie Crist left the Republican Party. I liked Charlie Crist. I have met him. He is a good guy. He was a good governor, although Jeb Bush was so phenomenal that Crist started ahead and failed to screw it up. Once he left the party, he lost my support.

A cautionary note to Republicans…if Crist wins, we should immediately try to welcome him back into the fold like we did with Bob Smith in New Hampshire awhile back. Better to have him caucus with us than the Democrats. Rubio winning prevents this problem.

Another cautionary note to Republicans…Rubio is up by 20, but if either Meek or Crist drops out, all heck could break loose. This race is not over.

Joe Miller, Alaska: He won the Republican primary election, and Lisa Murkowski is refusing to leave the stage gracefully.

(Liberals thrilled by her staying in the race should remember how they felt when Joe Lieberman took down Ned Lamont.)

The Republican voters made their choice, and I respect that choice. If Joe Miller loses, it will lead to more independent candidates refusing to respect primary results, putting their own egos above the party. They have a right to do it, but that does not make it right.

Rob Portman, Ohio: His opponent is irrelevant. Portman is simply a fabulous conservative on economic and budgetary matters. He is smart and fair. Yes, he can be boring even by Ohio standards, but governing is not sexy. Portman is serious, capable, and well prepared to be a Senator.

Pat Toomey, Pennsylvania: Toomey is a solid conservative, but the real issue is that Joe Sestak is a J-Street supporter who mas made some terrible anti-Israel comments.

Mike Crapo, Idaho: He is ahead by 44 points. I met him and liked him personally.

Jay Townsend, New York: He is not Charles Schumer. That is enough. Kirsten Gillibrand is like Dianne Feinstein. I disagree with her, but do not well up with anger. Charles Schumer has a history of bullying people, and his anti-gun stances are dreadful. It still bothers me that he beat one of my all time favorite Senators Al D’Amato. I would say more, but Schumer is 25 points ahead.

Roy Blount, Missouri–He is a good conservative, and Robin Carnahan seems to have an entitlement mentality. Her father’s tragic death (rest his soul) brought sympathy to the family, but her mother squandered that good will (Democrats have a habit of this, see Paul Wellstone funeral for details) by bashing John Ashcroft after he had been so gracious to the Carnahan family. Robin Carnahan has taken too many cheap shots for my tastes.

Jim DeMint, South Carolina–I know it seems silly, but there is always a chance that his opponent will be mistaken for the other Al Green, who sang “Put a Little Love in Your Heart” with Annie Lennox. Everybody likes that guy. Barring that confusion, DeMint will be fine.

Dino Rossi, Washington–I have never met him or Patty Murray. While Murray is very liberal, I have not heard her engage in the same left-wing rage as her California counterpart. This race is a dead heat, and my support for Mr. Rossi is policy based. He was cheated out of the governorship, so Republicans should be prepared to bring an army of lawyers and poll watchers to Seattle to prevent this fraud again.

Dan Coats, Indiana–I met him personally, and at the time he seemed to be finished with politics. Yet a sense of duty has brought him back (liberals complaining about this should remember Frank Lautenberg in New Jersey. People have a right to return). Coats is a good man and a good conservative.

Richard Burr in North Carolina, John McCain in Arizona, and Chuck Grassley in Iowa all appear safe. I have met McCain personally. I know that McCain and Grassley are staunch Israel supporters. Richard Burr is a solid conservative although North Carolina senators are often endangered. Complacency cannot happen.

To the rest of the GOP nominees, you have my support. Good luck.


The National Organization for Women are Hos

Monday, October 18th, 2010

I could not be more pleased. I am delighted.

I now have the right to refer to women as whores.

Actually, a better term would be Hos.

(Not to be confused with hose, which those ghastly women most likely do not wear.)

That way I would be showing solidarity with gangsta rappers. Many gangsta rappers are black, which means I am now a champion of racial as well as gender equality.

For those who forgot, Jerry Brown was overheard having a conversation where Meg Whitman was referred to as a whore.

Tom Brokaw stated that calling a woman a whore is as bad as using the n-word to a black person.

No, it isn’t. Not even close.

Black people were lynched and hung from trees. Women did have to fight for equal rights, but they were not being burned to death in concentration camps or doused in gasoline or dragged and beaten outside a gay nightclub.

Yet how do I know that it is perfectly acceptable to refer to women this way?

Because the National Organization for Women said so.

Either the NOW represents women or they don’t. They either represent them always or never. There is no inbetween.

The NOW are a bunch of whores. They are a left-wing special interest group and nothing more.

Only in NOW fantasyland could Ted Kennedy and Bill Clinton be champions of women’s rights.

Only in NOW fantasyland could George W. Bush and Sarah Palin be bad for women.

When Bill Clinton groped Kathleen Willey, and she pushed him away, the NOW praised Bubba for taking no for an answer. That meant that every man was automatically allowed to cop one free feel as long as they stopped before sopping a second one. Sounds good to me.

They refuse to condemn honor killings, or recognize that George W. Bush freed 50,000,000 women in Iraq and Afghanistan.

They refuse to condemn recommending that people abort Sarah Palin or radio hosts who advocate raping Condoleeza Rice.

Driving a car off a bridge is fine as long as the killer is pro-choice on abortion.

Now we find out that using a slur against a woman is fine if the woman does not have the right views on cap and trade legislation.

Even when the belated and tepid “condemnation” was offered, the NOW said that somebody should be fired “if this happens again.”

Again? So again, men are now given one free pass.

I was a corporate slut for 15 years on Wall Street, so I know my sluts and whores.

I am less familiar with pimps, players, mack daddies, daddy macks, and others, but am learning about hoochies and bizzatches.

So to the members of the NOW, as tempted as I am to criticize you for being silent, the truth is I like it when you shut up for awhile and stop complaining. I just wish you would do this always.

The day that the NOW bothers to actually represent all women and not just leftists is the day they will deserve having the ductape removed from their traps that won’t stop yapping about claptrap.

The NOW claims that disrespecting them means disrespecting all women.

Let me make it crystal clear…

I respect Republican Women and apolitical women. I think nothing of leftist women who care more about trees and bunny rabbits than their fellow sisters, pretending otherwise.

I have zero respect for Maureen Dud of the Jayson Blair Times or Joan Walsh at Salon. They are both hos, and most likely nappy headed hos.

(These women are Caucasian, so this slur is also perfectly acceptable. For all I know I am a nappy headed ho on bad hair days.)

Most of the ladies at the NOW are just uptight. They could use a good paddling, but I save my table tennis racket for women who are non-repulsive.

(I am happy in a monogamous relationship. My girlfriend is not a ho. She has no connection to the NOW.)

When Christmas approaches, I can’t wait to line up Pelosi, Boxer, and the NOW president and do my Santa Claus impersonation, pointing at the trifecta of harpies and yelling Ho! Ho! Ho!

(This is also the slogan for Green Giant vegetables, but they bother me less than most environmentalists. Them corn niblets is mighty d@ng tasty.)

There are serious problems facing women all around the world, from rape to stonings to honor killings. The NOW does not care.

Well I don’t care about the NOW. Neither do most women, who long ago realized what a worthless, pathetic organization it is.

The NOW may object to my words, but I have a simple message to them that I would never say to most women, who I respect.

NOW ladies…sit down and shut up hos!


NFL 2010–Week 6 Recap

Sunday, October 17th, 2010

From my home in Los Angeles, it is time for some football.

Before getting to the NFL, my coed touch football team “Team Awesome” won their game on a quest for another championship. I was not at the game because of other engagements I had, but here is a quote from one of my teammates:

“We won 52-36 or something like that. And then we of course dominated in beer pong post-game.”

My team rocks. Now on to the NFL. Here is the Week 6 NFL Recap.

San Diego Chargers @ St. Louis Rams–Both of these teams played in Los Angeles in 1960, which shows how desperate this game needs a story line. A punt return past midfield set up a field goal to have the Rams up 3-0. Philip Rivers moved the Chargers to the red zone, but a 10 yard sack was followed by Rivers going to the end zone and getting intercepted. Sam Bradford shook of the beating from last week to throw a 38 yard touchdown pass as the Chargers remained in a hangover state from last week with the Rams up 10-0.

When Stephen Jackson ran up the middle from 6 yards out, the Rams led 17-0 in a shocker. San Diego did get a field goal just before the half to trail 17-3.

With less than 5 minutes left in the third quarter, Tolbert ran it in from 3 yards out to have the Chargers within 17-10. Early in the fourth quarter the Rams failed to get off the field on defense as Rivers completed a 3rd and 14 pass for 17 yards as the Chargers looked to tie the game. Yet from the 20, a holding penalty and a sack set up 3rd and 27. On 4th down a field goal attempt was blocked as Norvelous Norv Turner threatened to decapitate his special teams coach.

The Rams moved into very long field goal range, and Josh Brown calmly nailed a 48 yarder to have the Rams up 20-10 with 4 minutes left. Rivers immediately brought San Diego 76 yards, using only 40 seconds to do it. A 5 yard touchdown pass to Davis had the Chargers within a field goal with 3:16 to play.

With the Rams facing 3rd and 6 at their own 36 and San Diego prepared for a pass, Steve Spagnuolo had a running play executed to perfection as Stephen Jackson picked up 9 yards. On 2nd and 7, Jackson picked up 12 yards as Rivers never got back on the field and the Chargers fell to 2-4. They are Norvelous, and give the Rams credit for bouncing back after their 38 point shellacking last week. This was a big upset win, even at home. 20-17 Rams

Kansas City Chiefs @ Houston Texans–These teams could both be pretenders, showing early promise before reality sets in. The Chiefs had 3rd and 1 at the 2 when Thomas Jones got blown up in the backfield. On 4th down Matt Cassel borught back the New England glory days by rolling out and hitting Mike Vrabel for the touchdown.

Matt Schaub brought the Texans back with a long completion to Andre Johnson. On 3rd and 1 at the 9, Arriun Foster ran it for the first down to set up Schaub, who rolled out, had plenty of time, and hit Joel Dreesen in the back of the end zone as the Texans tied the game 7-7. Todd Haley decided to gamble on 4th and 1 at the Texans 43, but a false start killed the plan and the Chiefs punted.

With less than one minute left in the half, the Chiefs reached the Texans 17. Cassell fired a bullet between 2 defenders to Dwayne Bowe to have the Chiefs up 14-7.

In the third quarter a short slant pass to Dwayne Bowe resulted in Bowe criss-crossing the field and reaching the pileon for a 42 yard score to have the Chiefs up 21-7. Yet Derrick Ward broke several tackles en route to a 38 yard touchdown run to have the Texans within 21-14. Kansas City continued to run at will, but upon reaching the 10, Todd Haley called some passes that did not work. Ryan Succup nailed the 27 yard field goal to have the Chiefs leading 24-14.

With hard running by Arriun Foster, the Texans came back. With 12 minutes left in regulation, Foster took it in from 2 yards out to have the Texans within 24-21.

Yet Kansas City continued to gash Houston on the ground. Jamal Charles somehow turned a 10 yard loss into a gain, as Thomas Jones finished the smash mouth drive from 11 yards out as the Chiefs led 31-21 with 7 minutes left in the game.

Yet the Texans wouldn’t quit, and strong running by Arriun Foster allowed Foster to leap over the top from the 2 to get the Texans back within a field goal with a full 3 1/2 minutes to play and all 3 timeouts. THe key would be if the Texans could get a stop against a Kansas City running game that had run over Houston all day.

On 3rd and 2, Haley called a pass play that was incomplete as the Texans took over after a touchback with 2:22 left. Schaub hit Andre Johnson for a 31 yard gain. Defender Flowers celebrated, convinced there was offensive pass interference. He and Haley went nuts when it was ruled on the defense. Schaub went deep to Johnson, and a gorgeous touchdown catch in the back of the end zone as the Texans pulled a stunner of their own to lead by 4 with 28 seconds to play.

A 23 yard pass completion by Cassell set up the final play with 1 second on the clock from the Houston 38. The Hail Mary never left Cassell’s hand as he was sacked. The Chiefs have come down since starting 3-0, while the Texans earned a thrilling win ina  game where they trailed for most of it, showing a ton of heart for Gary Kubiak. 35-31 Texans

Baltimore Ravens @ New England Patriots–New England has been burning for revenge since the Ravens beat the daylights out of them in the playoffs last year. Joe Flacco led a ridiculous 18 play, 8 1/2 yard drive that stalled at the 9 yard line. Billy Cundiff nailed a 26 yard kick to have the Ravens up 3-0. Tom Brady quickly brought the Patriots back 66 yards, with Green-Ellis running it in from 2 yards out to have the Patriots up 7-3.

Joe Flacco brought the Ravens back, and a 16 yard touchdown pass to Todd Heap had the Ravens back on top 10-7.

In the third quarter, Tom Brady was intercepted by Chris Carr, who returned it from midfield to the New England 35. This led to Joe Flacco going to Anquon Boldin for  a 25 yard touchdown as the Ravens led 17-7. Stephen Gostkowski nailed a 38 yard field goal to have the Patriots within 17-10, but the Ravens moved from their own 9 yard line methodically down the field, reaching the New England 17 as the third quarter ended.

The fourth quarter began with the Ravens facing 3rd and 2 An incomplete pass was followed by a short field goal as the Ravens extended their lead to 20-10. Brady kept the Patriots in the game, as a 5 yard touchdown pass to Deion Branch had New England within 20-17 with 11 minutes left in regulation.

With 9 minutes left Flacco went for a quaerterback sneak from the Baltimore 47 on 3rd and 1 and got stuffed. John Harbaugh took no chances and punted. Brady moved the Patriots to a 3rd and 3 inside the 10, but an incomplete pass set up the tying field goal. With 1:51 left in the game, the Patriots deadlocked it 20-20.

Baltimore went nowhere, and a sack of Brady gave the Evil Hoodie Bill bellichick the option of a 62 yard field goal attempt or a Hail Mary. The Hail Mary was batted around in the end zone and intercepted as the game went to overtime.

Overtime was a puntfest, as neither team could get anything sustained going. With 5:19 left in overtime, the Patriots took over at their own 38. Brady hit Branch for 23 yards to the Ravens 39. On 3rd and 2, Brady hit Branch for 10 yards to the 21. At the 2 minute warning of overtime, the Patriots faced 3rd and 6 at the Ravens 17. Bellichick took no chances, bringing in Gostkowski on 3rd down fro 35 yards out. Gostkowski nailed it, and the Patriots had the hard fought win. It did not make up for the playoff loss, but another playoff game between these teams would be well worth watching. 23-20 Patriots, OT

New Orleans Saints @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers–Drew Brees hit Lance Moore deep for a 41 yard touchdown pass to have the Saints up 7-0. Brees then went deep again to Robert Meacham for 42 yards to have the Saints up 14-0 in a reality check to the Bucs. A field goal padded the lead to 17-0.

The Saints cut John Carney awhile back and turned the kicking keys over to Garett Hartley. This year Carney was brought back when Hartley failed. Now Carney has failed, and Hartley is back. He missed another kick today as Sean Payton resisted the urge to kick both of them where it hurts.

Since the kicking game was not working, the only solution for the Saints was to score touchdowns all the time like they did last year. Brees hit Heath Evans from 4 yards out as the Saints led 24-0.

Josh Freeman did throw a 2 yard touchdown pass to Michael Spurlock late in the game. The 2 point conversion failed, although down 24-6 a furious rally could have meant a changing of the guard and a dethroning of the champs. It did not happen. Ladell Betts scored from one yard out as Sean Payton saw his team make a statement. The Bucs are improved, but today was a reality check. 31-6 Saints

Atlanta Falcons @ Philadelphia Eagles–The story of Michael Vick playing against his old team would be a bigger story if Vick were actually playing. His injury pits Kevin Kolb against Matt Ryan, which could be the game of the year for the writers of the fictional Average White Guy Monthly Magazine.  Mike Smith looks like a guy named Mike Smith, and Walrus Lite Andy Reid is his coaching counterpart.

Deshean Jackson took a reverse from Kevin Kolb and raced 31 yards to the end zone to have the Eagles up 7-0.  Matt Ryans hit Jenkins for 42 yards to have the Falcons on the move, but no points came out of it. Kolb went back to Deshean Jackson, this time through the air for a 34 yard touchdown to have the Eagles up 14-0.

A missed field goal by David Akers failed to extend the lead. It did not matter as Kolb came right back and hit Jeremy Maclin from 10 yards out to have the Eagles rolling 21-0. The Eagles were on their way to 28-0 when Kolb was intercepted. Matt Ryan finally got the Falcons going late in the half, and a 1 yard touchdown pass to Tony Gonzale just before the half had the Falcons within 21-7.

Midway through the third quarter, the Falcons reached the 10 yard line before the drive stalled. A 26 yard field goal had them within 21-10. Yet Kolb struck back like lightning, going deep to Maclin for an 83 yard touchdown to have the Eagles up 28-10.

Ryan rapidly brought the Falcons 73 yards, hitting Gonzalez from 13 yards out to get within 28-17 with 5 1/2 minutes to play. Yet Kolb calmly used the clock, and a 30 yard David Akers field goal ended the scoring. 31-17 Eagles

Detroit Lions @ New York Giants–A loss today would be 24 straight on the road for Detroit, tying the NFL record originally set from 2001 to 2003 by…shockingly enough…Detroit. Tom Coughlin’s head almost exploded when the Giants fumbled the snap on a punt, giving the Lions excellent field position. A touchdown pass to Nate Burleson had the Lions up early, but battering ram Brandon Jacobs did what he does on the ground to tie the game 7-7.

Eli Manning went deep to Mario Manningham for a 33 yard touchdown pass to have the Giants up 14-7. As the half ended, Jason Hanson hit a 50 yard knuckleball that somehow made it over the crossbar to have the Lions within 14-10.

With Matthew Stafford injured, Shawn Hill had been starting. He got injured in this game, as 3rd string emergency quarterback Drew Stanton came in for the Lions.

In the third quarter, Eli Manning hit Kevin Boss for 25 yards, and a subsequent pass and defensive pass interference had the Giants inside the 10. On 3rd and goal from the 5, an incomplete pass  was nullified by an inexplicable unsportsmanlike conduct penalty giving the Giants a new set of downs. Brandon Jacobs failed to run it in twice, but on 3rd and goal from the 1, a rollout pass to Travis Beckham had the Giants up 21-10.

90 seconds into the fourth quarter, Drew Stanton from his own 13 threw a jump call to Calvin Johnson, who did what he does. He came down with it, held it up at the 40, and practically walked the final 40 yards to have the Lions within 21-17.

With 5 1/2 minutes left in regulation, the Lions were on the move, facing 3rd and 5 at midfield and primed for the upset. A pass from Stanton to Burleson went for 8 yards, but Burleson fumbled the ball and the Giants recovered at their own 42. These are the Lions. Ahmad Bradshaw ran 45 yards to the Detroit 13, and Brandon Jacobs took it in 6 yards to have the Giants up 28-17 with 3 1/2 minutes left.

Stephan Logan returned the ensuing kickoff 58 yards to the Giants 40, but a 3rd and 2 pass fell incomplete. Jim Schwartz decided to kick the 50 yard field goal since the Lions needed 2 scores and Jason Hanson is old reliable. Hanson did his job to make it an 8 point game with 2:50 to play. Schwartz decided to kick it deep rather than go for the onsides kick, and the Giants took over at their own 32. They went nowhere, and the Lions had another shot from their own 14 with 2:18 to play.

Stanton moved the Lions to the Giants 38 with 20 seconds to play. Stanton was intercepted by Antrel Rolle at the 16 to preserve the tough win for Big Blue. The Lions have tied their road loss record, while Matt Millen is happy to be out of Detroit. Then again, so are most human beings who escape that city. 28-20 Giants

Seattle Seahawks @ Chicago Bears–This game meant something in 2006. A deep pass interference penalty set up Matt Forte from 4 yards out straight up the middle to have the Bears up 7-0 early. Matt Hasselbeck hit Butler to tie the game 7-7.

Jay Cutler hit Johnny Knox on a 67 yard catch and run where Knox straddled the sideline. Cutler hit Knox again at the 12 yard line.

Hasselbeck led Seattle to 3rd and goal at the 6. A perfectly executed draw play resulted in Justin Forsett taking it up the middle for the touchdown as Seattle led 14-7. Chicago tacked on a 34 yard Robbie Gould field goal to trail 14-10.

Jay Cutler hit Johnny Knox on a 67 yard catch and run where Knox straddled the sideline. Cutler hit Knox again at the 12 yard line. A field goal had the Bears down 14-13 at halftime.

In the third quarter Cutler went back to pass in his own end zone. He got belted, fumbled and saw the Bears recover the fumble in the end zone for a safety as the Seahawks led 16-13. Marshawn Lynch eventually capped off the next Seattle drive with a short touchdown run to give Seattle breathing room at 23-13.

Miami Dolphins @ Green Bay Packers–Miami took down Favre, but at least he played. Aaron Rodgers is recovering from a concussion but was expected to play. Aaron Rodgers hit Tom Crabtree for a 33 yard gain to set up Mason Crosby for a field goal and a 3-0 Packers lead.  Yet Chad Henne hit Jahvid Best from 5 yards out to put the Dolphins up 7-3. After a Chade Henne interception, Rodgers went deep to Vonte Davis to complete an 86 yard touchdown pass that put the Packers back up 10-7. Miami added a field goal just before the half to tie the game 10-10.

Midway through the third quarter Carpenter nailed a 41 yard field goal to lead 13-10. After Rodgers was intercepted, the Dolphins faced 4th and 1 at the Green Bay 27. Tony Sparano went for it, and Ronnie Brown banged over on a tough second effort. Surprisingly, Brown was ruled down short of the sticks and the Dolphins turned it over on downs. This led to the tying field goal as the 13-13 game continued.

With 5:20 left in the game, Henne found Anthony Fasano, who took it for a 22 yard touchdown to give the Dolphins the 20-13 lead on the road. With 2:30 minutes left Rodgers completed a pass on 3rd and 15 to set up 4th and 7. Mike McCarthy decided to let the clock run down to the 2 minute warning before running a play. Rodgers hit Davis for 1st and goal at the 10. A Rodgers scramble to the 2 and a run that went nowhere set up 3rd and goal at the 2 with 22 seconds to play. It all came down to 4th and goal from the 1 with 16 seconds left.

Lining up in the shotgun, Rodgers confused the Miami defense by moving under center at the last moment and then sneaking it up the middle as the game was tied 20-20. From near midfield, Sparano decided to take a knee and play overtime rather than go for the Hail Mary.

Miami moved the ball well in overtime, and 6 minutes into the extra session, Dan Carpenter came in for a 44 yard field goal. He drilled it, and the Dolphins had the win. Tony Sparano has seen his defense gut out tough wins against Minnesota and Green Bay on the road, as they have gotten to a 3-2 record. 23-20 Dolphins, OT

Cleveland Browns @ Pittsburgh Steelers–Walrus Mike Holmgren has not fired Eric Mangini, who for some reason wants to see rookie Colt McCoy get killed by starting his NFL career at Pittsburgh. Big Ben is back, and this tune up game is a good way to have him ease back into professional football, if Cleveland can be considered that.

Colt McCoy had his first sack and then threw his first interception only 4 minutes into the game. Yet at the 10 yard line, Roethlisberger was intercepted by Joe Haden, who returned it 62 yards to the Pittsburgh 35. On 3rd and 3 an offsides penalty gave the Browns a first down. Phil Dawson hit a 39 yard field goal to have the Browns up 3-0 and pass Lou “the Toe” Groza as the all time leading scorer for the Browns.

Big Ben did rebound, hitting Mike Wallace for a 29 yard touchdown to have the Steelers up 7-3, which seemed too much for the Browns to overcome. Joshua Cribbs was then knocked out of the game on a helmet to helmet hit where Cribbs fumbled. Later in the half James Harrison delivered his second helmet to helmet hit, this time against Massaquoi.

In the third quarter the Steelers were backed up to their own 5. All Big Ben did was go deep to Mike Wallace for 50 yards to the Cleveland 45. Then Roethlisbergrer hit Heath Miller for 35 more yards inside the 10. A short touchdown pass to Hines Ward had the Steelers up 14-3.
This hideous game got uglier for Cleveland when Chancy Stucky fumbled a punt, giving Pittsburgh the ball at the 13. Rashard Mendenhall ran it in from the 3 to have the Steelers up 21-3.

McCoy did throw another interception in this game, but also late threw hist first NFL touchdown pass, a 12 yarder to Ben Watson. Yet Big Ben had one more touchdown pass in him today as well, a 14 yarder to Heath Miller to complete the scoring. Mike Tomlin will have plenty to criticize in this win, but the Steelers are 4-1 and looking tenacious. 28-10 Steelers

New York Jets @ Denver Broncos–Rex Ryan has his team with a Hard Knocks swagger, but Darrell Revis is injured. Josh McDaniels is on the verge of losing his team. Mark Sanchez finally threw his first interception, although it did not lead to any points. After a scoreless opening quarter, Sanchez led a 13 play, 77 yard drive that consumed 6:40. A  32 yard touchdown pass to Braylon Edwards had the Jets up 7-0. Kyle Orton led the Broncos back 80 yards, with a wildcat snap to Tim Tebow resulting ina  5 yard touchdown run and a 7-7 game. Josh McDaniels then went to his bag of tricks and the Broncos executed a successful onsides kick. Nothing came of it, as Mark Sanchez threw his second interception with less than one minute left in the half of a game only a Ryan family member could love.

On the last play of the half, Josh McDaniels had Josh Prater kick a 59 yard field goal. It must be a Josh thing, because Scobee kicked a 59 yarder for Jacksonville last week. McDaniels and Prater deserved a Scobee snack, as Prater drilled it to give the Broncos the 10-7 lead at intermission.

A defensive bonelock saw another great field goal, this time from the Jets. Rex Ryan had Nick Folk try a 56 yarder, and he drilled it to tie the game 10-10 midway through the third quarter.

Late in the third quarter the Broncos took over at their own 34, From the 39, Orton found Brandon Marshall for a 29 yard gain, with 15 more tacked on for unnecessary roughness. Orton hit Thomas for the 17 yard touchdown as Thomas barely got 2 feet down to have the Broncos up 17-10.

A game of field position and punts resulted in the Jets taking over at their own 46 with 11 minutes left in regulation. Sanchez hit Santonio Holmes for 22 yards. From the 20, old man Ladanian Tomlinson off tackle for the touchdown, tying the game with 9 minutes to play.

Denver took over at their own 20, and Orton hit Lloyd for 19 yards. On 3rd and 11 from the Jets 48, Orton scrambled for 13 yards. With 4 minutes to play, Josh Prater came in for a 48 yard field goal. He got it, and the Broncos led 20-17.

The Jets took over at their own 20. On 3rd and 5, Sanchez hit Edwards for 7 yards. On 3rd and 7 from the 35, Sanchez hit Holmes for 13 at the 2 minute warning. Everything came down to 4th and 6 from the Denver 48 with 1:26 to play. Sanchez went deep to Holmes, and defensive pass interference gave the ball at the Denver 2. Josh McDaniels went ballistic, but the penalty stood. Tomlinson carried it in as the Jets took a 4 point lead.

Sanchez and Orton had been dueling all day, and Orton had one last chance with 1:13 to play and 80 yards to cover. With 42 seconds left, the Broncos had 3rd and 6 at the Jets 44. From the shotgun, a wild snap resulted in a fumble that Gang Green pounced on for the win. The Jets talked a bunch on Hard Knocks and lost their opener at home, but they have not lost since. They are 5-1, while a reeling Denver is actually still in the hunt in the AFC Worst division where all 4 teams lost today, with all of them except Denver losing to inferior teams. 24-20 Jets

Oakland Raiders @ San Francisco 49ers–For more on the game of the day, go to

Every time it seems the Raiders are about to turn a corner, they lose a winnable game. A couple of weeks ago the loss to Arizona stung. Beating San Diego helps, but beating San Francisco makes the Raiders 3-3 rather than 2-4. In 2000 the Raiders went 12-4 and reached the AFC Title Game while the San Diego went 1-15. Yet the 2 games they played were one by the Raiders only 9-6 and 15-13. They were losing both games with 2 minutes to play, and needed 5 Seabass field goals to win the second one.

In 2002 the 4-0 Raiders eventually reached the Super Bowl, but not before losing to the 0-5 Rams, in Marc Bulger’s first NFL game. The ugliest loss might have been in 1993, when the 6-4 Raiders, who eventually went 10-6 and made the playoffs, lost to the 0-10 Bengals. Normally reliable Jeff Jaeger missed 4 field goals in the 16-10 loss.

So while the 49ers are 0-5, they are at home. They have come close several times, and even though they are winless, they are 6 point favorites. If the Raiders ever want to turn things around, they have to win these types of games. Tom Cable still has his team fighting hard, while Mike Singletary is perfecting his Ray Rhodes scowl without the wins to back it up.

The Raiders took over at their own 12, and Tom Cable immediately went for the gadget play. A handoff to Michael Bush was pitched back to Campbell, who went deep for Louis Murphy. While it did not result in the gain the way Al Davis loves it, defensive pass interference went for 46 yards. On 3rd and 5 from the 37, Campbell hit Michael Bush for 7 yards. On 3rd and 4 from the 24, Bush ran for 5 yards. On 3rd and 8 from the 17, Campbell scrambled for 9 yards. Yet on 2nd and goal from the 4, illegal formation killed the drive. After 8 minutes and 79 yards, the Raiders settled for a 27 yard Sebastian Janikowski field goal and a 3-0 lead.

The 49ers cross midfield but punted, and the Raiders took over at their own 9 where Campbell led another time consuming drive. On 3rd and 1 from the 18 Bush ran for 2 yards but got leveled on the play. He walked of under his own power and did return to the game. Unnecessary roughness on the next play gave the Raiders 15 more yards. The second quarter began with the Raiders at their own 45, where Louis Murphy took a handoff around the end for 43 yards to the San Francisco 12. Again the Raiders stalled, and Seabass kicked the 24 yard field goal as the Raiders led 6-0. They had run 23 plays to 5 for the 49ers, but were only one play away from losing.

The 49ers went 3 and out, but Campbell was then intercepted, giving the 49ers the ball at their own 43. The 49er did reach the Oakland 34, where the 49ers faced 4th and 5. Mike SIngeltary decided not to go for it or have Joe Nedney try the 52 yard field goal. In a curious call for an 0-5 team needing a spark, the 49ers punted. The strategy netted 14 yards thanks to a touchback. The next few possessions were unwatchable as neither team could make a first down. The Raiders do have a good defense, but the 49ers have an inept offense, with the Raiders being not much better.

The 49ers began the second half moving backward with false starts, intentional grounding, and a sack of Smith to set up 4th and 30 at their own 12. The 49ers at this point had 123 penalty yards and 108 passing yards. Singletary scowled because he does that. The Raiders took over around midfield and began with Campbell getting drilled on an incomplete pass, with offensive holding pushing the Raiders back. On 3rd and 16 Campbell got back to the original line of scrimmage as the Raiders punted for the 5th straight time, a far cry from their first 2 sustained drives. The 49ers took over at their own 9.

The 49ers began the second half moving backward with false starts, intentional grounding, and a sack of Smith to set up 4th and 30 at their own 12. The 49ers at this point had 123 penalty yards and 108 passing yards. Singletary scowled because he does that. The Raiders took over around midfield and began with Campbell getting drilled on an incomplete pass, with offensive holding pushing the Raiders back. On 3rd and 16 Campbell got back to the original line of scrimmage as the Raiders punted for the 5th straight time, a far cry from their first 2 sustained drives. The 49ers took over at their own 9.

Frank Gore picked up 10 yards on 2 carries, and on 3rd and 3 with men in his face, Smith found Crabtree for 7 yard and another first down. A wildcat snap to Gore picked up 11 more. On 3rd and 4, Smith hit Vernon Davis for another first down at the Oakland 43. On 3rd and 8, Smith hit Tedd Ginn for 19 yards to the Oakland 22.  Smith was again called for intentional grounding. This one was more controversial since Smith was not under pressure. It seemed to be a miscommunication with the receiver. Either way, it was 2nd and 20. It didn’t matter. On the last play of the third quarter, Smith went deep to Crabtree for a touchdown. The stunned Raiders trailed 10-6 and once again would have to rely on their anemic offense if they were to avoid losing another game to a winless team.

The ensuing kickoff was returned past midfield, but an illegal block brought it all the way back inside the Oakland 10. Campbell was sacked just outside the goal line, but a safety was averted. On 3rd and forever from the 1, Campbell actually thought he was Jim Plunkett throwing to Cliff Branch. He wasn’t, and after an incompletion, the only bright spot known as Shane Lechler boomed a punt, allowing the 49ers to take over at their own 43.

Singletary continued to play it basic, running the ball. The 49ers went 3 and out and the Raiders had it on their own 25 with 11 minutes left in regulation.

Cable also kept trying to run on first down as well, with Bush carrying the load for the injured McFadden. On 3rd and 8 Campbell finally completed a pass to his best receiver, tight end Zach Miller. Miller took it to the Oakland 46. Campbell then went deep to Miller. Pass was deflected by a defender, but Miller made an acrobatic catch at the San Francisco 28. Campbell avoided a sack and somehow scrambled for a couple yards, with Bush adding a couple more. On 3rd and 5 from the 22, Campbell threw incomplete. Seabass came in for a 40 yard field goal with 8 1/2 minutes left in regulation. Seabass kicked his third field goal and the Raiders trailed 10-9 in a game both teams deserved to lose.

The Raiders then had another one of their fourth quarter meltdowns that have led to 8 straight years of misery. Frank Gore ripped off a 64 yard run to the Oakland 16. After a touchdown run was called back by penalty, A touchdown pass to Davis had the 49ers leading 17-9 with 7 minutes left in a game where the lifeless Oakland offense would have been better off scrapping the team and starting with all new players except maybe Zack Miller. With Bruce Gradkowski and Darren mcFadden on the bench injured, miracles were in short supply. ‘

Campbell then did his best JaMarcus Russell imitation by avoiding a sack only to throw a pass that was actually a lateral. Luckily the Raiders fell on it. On 3rd and 14, Campbell missed a wide open short pass to Bush, who could not corral it in as the pathetic Raiders offense extended the glorious futility and punted with 6 minutes left. Apparently they used up their entire heart winning last week, as if that makes a season. With this team, perhaps it does.

The defense forced the 49ers into 3rd and 11 with 5 minutes left. Naturally Gore ran up the middle and bulled over Michael Huff for a 14 yard gain against the heartless Raiders. With 3 1/2 minutes left the Raiders took their first timeout as the 49ers faced 3rd and 7 at the Oakland 47. This time Gore was stopped, and after taking their second timeout, got the ball back at their own 13. Plenty of time remained, but these are the Raiders.

Campbell hit Miller for 7. A pass to Darrius Heyward-Bey was dropped. On 3rd and 3, Campbell threw a pass straight to Ford past the first down marker. It bounced right out of Ford’s chest, and naturally was intercepted by Takeo Spikes. The Raiders remain a gutless, heartless organization. One could blame injuries, but the 49ers were a winless team. Every time the Raiders are about to turn a corner under Cable, they don’t. He is doing what he can. The players are just pathetic when it counts. On 3rd and 1 from the Oakland 12, the entire world expected Gore to get the ball. He did, and easily picked up the first down to ice the gamr. The Raiders dropped to 2-4 in the AFC Worst division where 3-2 leads. 17-9 Raiders

Dallas Cowboys @ Minnesota Vikings–Both of these pre-season favorites to go deep into the playoffs are 1-3. Michelin Man Wade Phillips is trying to keep his job. Brad Childress is bald and Catholic, but his main toy is not Brett Favre. It is Randy Moss, who loves torturing the Cowboys to punish Jerry Jones for not drafting him. Jones learned his lesson, vowing never again to let character be an issue in hiring.

One of the reasons Minnesota lost the NFC Title Game last year was their inability to execute a simple handoff. From just past midfield, Brett Favre tried to hand off to Adrian Peterson, which resulted in a fumbled exchange between 2 players with a history of fumbles. Dallas took over, and on 3rd and 6 from the Minnesota 15, Tony Romo hit Roy Williams for the touchdown as Matt Millen must have been smiling somewhere with the Cowboys up 7-0.

Yet Romo was later intercepted, giving Minnesota the ball at the Dallas 16. On 3rd and 4, Favre hit Greg Camarillo for the tying score. Early in the second quarter Romo went deep to Miles Austin for a 73 yard touchdown. However, like a Kardashian relationship, it was quickly nullified as Austin was called for offensive pass interference. However, the Cowboys finally got going very late in the half. From 3 yards out with 32 seconds left in the half, Romo hit Williams in the back of the end zone to have the Cowboys up 14-7.

The Cowboys kicked off to start the second half, and Percy Harvin did it again. 95 yards to what Stuart Scott calls the Hizzy had the game tied at 14-14. Jerry Jones threatened to burn down the stadium before being reminded that it was a road game and he does not own the Metrodome.

With 6 minutes remaining in the third quarter, a field position game gave the Vikings the ball just past midfield. Harvin ran around right end for 11 yards. On 3rd and 4 Favre hit Kleinsasser for 12 yards down to the 12. On 3rd and 1 from the 3, Peterson picked up 2. Peterson carried the final yard to put the Vikings up 21-14 with less than one minute left in the third quarter.

The fourth quarter began with the Cowboys facing 3rd and 2 at their own 43. Romo hit Jason Witten for 17 yards. On 4th and 1 from the Minnesota 31, Marion the Barbarian Barber picked up 2 yards. On 3rd and 12, Romo went deep to rookie Dez Bryant, who earned his paycheck with the tying touchdown with 10 1/2 minutes to play.

With Tony Romo and Brett Favre, the question would be which quarterback would throw the losing interception. With 7 1/2 minutes left, the answer appeared to be Romo. Henderson picked him off, and the Vikings took over at the Dallas 30.

Childress was not taking any chances, as Favre only threw 19 passes all game. Despite tendinitis in the elbow, he completed 14 of them. On 3rd and 3 from the 23, Favre hit Randy Moss for 5 yards. Ryan Longwell kicked a 38 yard field goal as the Vikings took the lead with 4 minutes to play.

Dallas went 3 and out, and with 2 1/2 minutes to play Wade Phillips decided to punt on 4th and 5 from his own 25. The Vikings took over on their own 25. On 3rd and 6 from the 29, Favre fired incomplete but defensive pass interference went for 11 yards and kept the drive alive. That was the difference as the Cowboys did not get the ball back until 13 seconds remained, from their own 7. Despite many laterals, 93 yards were not covered as Minnesota remained in the hunt at 2-3 while the Cowboys fell to 1-4. Jerry Jones is prepared to burn every copy of the Dallas Morning News. 24-21 Vikings

Indianapolis Colts @ Washington Redskins was the Sunday night game. Even with Donovan McNabb, Mike Shanahan wants to establish the run. Peyton Manning would throw it every play if necessary, which may or may not bother Jim Calwell since it is hard to read a man who is perpetually expressionless.

Washington won the toss and Shanahan actually deferred. This is odd because most coaches want to wait as long as possible for Manning to take the field. The Colts were actually forced to punt on their opening drive, but McNabb was then intercepted. Manning then needed one play to connect with Pierre Garcon for a 57 yard touchdown and a 7-0 Colts lead.

The teams exchanged punts, and the Redskins took over at their own 11. McNabb needed 5 minutes to calmly go 89 yards. 11 yard passes to Cooley ad Armstrong was followed by a 16 yard Torain run. McNabb hit Santana Moss for 18 yards and Torain for 9 more, before Torain took it the final 9 on the gorund to tie the game 7-7.

The Colts took over at their own 16, and began the second quarter at their own 41.  Manning hit Reggie Wayne for 12 yards and Garcon for 14 more. From the 5, out of the shotgun, he hit Austin Collie for the score to have the Colts up 14-7. Manning moved the Colts on their net drive from their own 14 to a 4th and 2 at the Washington 20. Caldwell decided on the 38 yard field goal, but Vinatieri missed it.

The Colts got the ball back at their own 22 with 5 minutes left in the half. Manning continued his passing clinic, hitting Collie for 9 and Garcon for 1, sandwiched around a 14 yard Addai run. On 3d and 1 from the Washington 25, Addai was stopped. With 2 minutes left in the half, Caldwell decided again not to gamble on 4th and 1, and this time Vinatieri connected from 43 to have the Colts up 17-7.

McNabb moved the Redskins from their own 38 to the Indy 30, but a 48 yard field goal attempt by Graham Gano was no good. 24 seconds still remained in the half, and the Colts were on their own 38. Manning hit White Perfectly for a 19 yard gain to the 30, but Vinatieri from 48 hit a golf shot that sliced somewhere into Chicago no good. It appeared to have been partially blocked. McNabb took a knee rther than try the Hail Mary as the Colts led 17-7 at intermission.

90 seconds into the third quarter, the Colts took over at their own 16. Manning was sacked, an a fumble was recovered by the Redskins at the Indy 13. McNabb hot Cooley for 8, and on 3rd and 2 at the 5, hit Cooley again for 4 more. From the 1, Torain banged it in to get the Redskins within 17-14.

The Colts came right back as Addai rambled 46 yards to the Washington 20. On 3rd and 3 from the 13, Addai banged his way up the middle, and near the goal line actually got knocked forward into the end zone to rapidly have the Colts back on top 24-14.

The Colts appeared poised to take command but gave the Redskins another opportunity to get back in the game when Moore had his second fumble of the game on a punt return. The Redskins took over at the Indy 40, and Torain took a handoff 26 yards to the 14. A sack of McNabb ended the drive, but Gano connected from 39 to get the Redskins within 24-17 with 4 minutes left in the third quarter.

The Colts again had a chance to salt the game away when the fourth quarter opened with the Colts facing 2nd and 4 at the Washington 28. Addai got the carry and the first down before being drilled by London Fletcher. The Redskins recovered the fumble as Addai stayed down on the ground.

The Redskins could not capitalize, and the Colts finally got the offense going again.  On 3rd and 10 from the Washington 24, a perfectly executed draw play set up 4th and 1 from the 15. Again, Caldwell was not taking any chances, as Vinatieri connected from 33 to have the Colts up 27-17 with 8 1/2 minutes left in the game.

McNabb brought the Redskins back with several short passes. McNabb turned into Houdini as several near sacks turned into completions. From the 10, McNabb avoided a sack, scrambled around the end, and made it into the end zone. However, offensive holding brought the touchdown back. McNabb hit Williams for the touchdown, and it stood. McNabb was 10 for 11 to complete the 92 yard drive in 12 plays. The Redskins were within a field goal with 2:46 to play. They had all of their timeouts.

Shanahan decided to kick it deep. From the 20, Caldwell decided to have Manning keep throwing rather than run the ball and force Washington to use the timeouts. Yes, Manning is amazing, but this was questionable. 3 straight incompletions meant 4th and 10 and the Redskins getting the ball back with all of their timeouts with only 11 seconds coming off of the clock.

The Redskins took over with 2:13 to go at their own 38. On 2nd and 5 the Colts finally sacked McNabb, forcing the Redskins to burn heir first timeout. On 4th and 10, with 1:40 to play, McNabb went for the bomb into double coverage and overthrew everybody. It was curious play calling by Shanahan, although the Redskins still had a pair of timeouts.

This time a pair of runs went nowhere. The Colts faced 3rd and 10 with 1:30 to play and the Redskins out of timeout. As expected, the Colts ran it safely and the clock wound down. With one second on the play clock from the Washington 38, a field goal was too long. The Colts took an intentional delay of game, and the punt resulted in a touchback. McNabb had 32 seconds to work with try and tie or win the game.

McNabb went deep and Francisco leapt in the air and made a stunning one handed interception. A few more inches and it could have been a touchdown. Instead Manning knelt down and the Colts had finally survived. Manning and McNabb entered the league in consecutive years, have both been NFL MVPs, and shared a warm hug at midfield. 27-24 Colts

Tennessee Titans @ Jacksonville Jaguars was the Monday night game. Jeff Fisher and Jack Del Rio know defense, and both of their quarterbacks Vince Young and David Garrard have shown brilliance and ineptitude at times as a pair of 3-2 division rivals slugged it out. The winner would be in a 3 way tie for first place while the loser would be in last one game back.

Young went right to work, hitting Kenny Britt for 10 yards and Bo Scaife for 28 more. A facemask penalty on the defense tacked on 15 more, and a 23 yard touchdown pass to Britt had the Titans up 7-0 less than 2 1/2 minutes into the game.

The next time Tennessee had the ball, Vince Young got hit and left the game with a bad leg. Kerry Collins came in and quickly fired a completion to tie Dan Fouts for 10th all time in completions. Collins led Tennessee to a 13-3 record in 2008, so the Titans were not going to the practice squad.

The defenses took over, and the first big break occurred when Garrard was intercepted at midfield by Griffin, who returned it to the Jacksonville 37. Chris Johnson picked up 5, and Collins hit Scaife for 11 more. On 3rd and 2 from the 13, Collins hit Scaife at the 1. On 3rd and goal from the 2, Collins hit Scaife again to put the Titans up 14-0 midway through the second quarter.

Things got worse for Jacksonville as Garrard got belted on a third down incompletion. A short punt had the Titans starting at the Jaguars 44. On 3rd and 3 from the 25, an incomplete pass was nullified by defensive holding. The drive stalled at the 8 yard line, and Rob Bironas nailed a 26 yard field goal to have the Titans up 17-0 with just over 2 minutes left in the half.

It became a game of backup quarterbacks when recently acquired Buffalo castoff Trent Edwards came in for Garrard. Edwards finally got the Jaguars going in the 2 minute drill, moving them to the Tennessee 15 with 45 seconds left in the half. Yet a completed pass was fumbled away at the 10, ending the threat.

The second half was a virtually unwatchable slog. Edwards was quickly intercepted giving the Titans the ball at the Jaguars 33. Bironas kicked another field goal to make it 20-0 Titans. Edwards moved the Jaguars to a critical 3rd and goal at the 3. He was then sacked for a 12 yard loss. Del Rio opted for the field goal to avoid the shutout, and Scobee connected from 33 to have the Jaguars on the board.

The Titans took over at their own 27 with 7 minutes left in the third quarter. One minute into the fourth quarter, facing 4th and 1 at the Jacksonville 18, Fisher opted for the field goal, which Bironas connected on from 36.

Jacksonville took over at their own 22 and Edwards led an 8 minute drive, which is not good when a  team is down by 20. On 4th and 1 from the Titans 20, Edwards picked up 2. On 4th and 1 from the 9, Edwards picked up 2 more. On 4th and goal at the 1, Edwards pass to Underwood. The pass was right in his body. The sure touchdown was bobbled, and ripped out of Underwood’s hands for an interception and a touchback.

Although the game was garbage, Jacksonville did not even get the garbage touchdown. They did give up one, however. With Tennessee just trying to run out the clock facing 4th and 5 at the Jaguars 35, Chris Johnson broke loose all the way to the end zone to end the lack of suspense. Tennessee is 4-2 and Jacksonville is 3-3, after doing little to interest the home crowd. 30-3 Titans

Last year we had a pair of 13-0 teams, one in each conference. This year nobody made it to 4-0. In the NFC, every single team has at least 2 losses. The wild ride that is the NFL continues.


20 Years Since Quick Change

Saturday, October 16th, 2010

A couple quick housekeeping notes. At 1pm today I am speaking near Oakland at the Alameda Fair Grounds at the Pleasanton Golden State Take Back America Rally. The crowd is expected to be in the thousands. I speak a little after 1pm. Then I hop on a plane to Orange County, where at 8pm I am speaking at the Young Americans for Freedom 50th Anniversary West Coast Gala.

Now on to the main event.

Before getting to football, I would be remiss if I did not get to a story I have been meaning to mention for several weeks now before real life intervened.

A few weeks back was the 20th anniversary of “Quick Change.”

Long before Saturday Night Live gave us movies of heroism ranging from “Old School” to “Happy Gilmore” to “Deuce Bigalow, Male Gigolo,” there were the “Not Ready For Prime Time Players.”

The greatest of those heroes was Bill Murray.

When Michael Jordan retired from basketball, having accomplished everything, to play baseball, Bill Murray held his own press conference. He announced his retirement from comedy, having accomplished everything, to play professional basketball.

He did help Michael Jordan with the winning basket in “Space Jam,” but a knee injury prevented him from helping repeat as champions.

How could a man who gave us Caddyshack and Stripes possibly top himself?

Some people just get better with age. 1991 brought us “What about Bob?” Yet as good as that was, his finest comedy was Quick Change.

The premise is simple. He dresses up as a clown to rob a bank. He then tries to sneak out of the bank by pretending to be one of his own hostages.

His sole reason for robbing the bank is to finance his escape from New York City. He hates New York, and wants money to just live somewhere else, anywhere else.

As things go wrong, he looks at the New York sky, people, and surroundings, and says, “God, I hate this town.”

The first 20 minutes of Quick Change are Bill Murray one-liners in rapid fire succession.

Security Guard: What the hell kind of clown are you?

BM: The crying on the inside kind I guess.

Hostage negotiator: I’ll give you what you want as soon as you give me the d@mn hostages.

BM: I’m sure no harm will come to me when I’m all alone in the bank by myself.

Hostage negotiator: At least give me the women.

BM: Get your own women!

Geena Davis: I can’t believe you did this.

Randy Quaid: It was an accident.

Geena Davis: So was Chernobyl.

BM: True, but Loomis (Quaid) didn’t eradiate anybody.

Bank President: There is no way out my friend.

BM: Tell the hostage negotiator that in 15 minutes I am going to send your thumb through the night depository. Oh, and thank you for calling me friend.

Hostage: We’re all gonna die.

BM: Button it up pal, nobody likes a whiner.

Hostage: Let me go first. This is my watch, my gift to you. It is a 12,000 dollar Rolex but it keeps appreciating every day.

BM: Let me trade you. This is my watch, a Timex with the Twistiflex by Spidell. I appreciate this d@mn thing more and more every day.

Flight Attendant: Do you think you’re late enough?

BM: Oh, you must be from around here.

Hostage negotiator: Enough of your comedy clown, I’m coming in after you.

BM: Ok, I have to hang up now. I have to go kill everybody.

Hostage negotiator: I’ve had it up to here with your comedy, clown.

BM: I was in Nam with a jerk like you.

Jason Robards plays the exasperated hostage negotiator and police chief. Tony Shalhoub is hilarious as a foreign cab drive who keeps babbling about a “blufftooney.” The late Phil Hartman has a riotous cameo. A temperamental cab driver keeps sniping at people who do not have exact change or stay behind the white line, leading Bill Murray to say, “You better get some help pal. You’re becoming Ralph Kramden’s evil twin.”

Quick Change is one of the all time funny comedies of the last 20 years.

Bill Murray went on to more serious roles, but to me he will always be “Grimm” from Quick Change.

This movie should be mandatory viewing for all college students, and more importantly, to every New Yorker who has either escaped New York for a better quality of life (me!) or stayed in New York and bragged about their toughness while privately admitting the hopelessness of life there.

(This movie was made while David Dinkins was Mayor, but even Rudy Giuliani could not make the snow disappear in the winter, the construction jobs finish on time, or the cab drivers drive safely and speak in a  comprehensible manner.)

Thank you Bill Murray. You are a comic hero for the ages.


San Diego Chargers @ St. Louis Rams

(Chargers by 8, they cover)

Kansas City Chiefs @ Houston Texans

(Texans by 4.5, they cover)

Baltimore Ravens @ New England Patriots

(Patriots by 2.5, Ravens win outright)

New Orleans Saints @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers

(Saints by 4, they win but fail to cover)

Atlanta Falcons @ Philadelphia Eagles

(Eagles by 2.5, they cover)

Detroit Lions @ New York Giants

(Giants by 10, they win but fail to cover)

Seattle Seahawks @ Chicago Bears

(Bears by 6.5, they cover)

Miami Dolphins @ Green Bay Packers

(Packers by 3.5, they cover)

Cleveland Browns @ Pittsburgh Steelers

(Steelers by 13.5, they win but fail to cover)

New York Jets @ Denver Broncos

(Jets by 3, Broncos win outright)

Oakland Raiders @ San Francisco 49ers

(49ers by 6.5, they win but fail to cover)

Dallas Cowboys @ Minnesota Vikings

(Vikings by 1.5, they cover)

Indianapolis Colts @ Washington Redskins is the Sunday night game.

(Colts by 3, they cover)

Tennessee Titans @ Jacksonville Jaguars is the Monday night game.

(Titans by 3, they cover)


The Chilean Mine Scandal

Friday, October 15th, 2010

If even one person had died in the Chilean mine, this column never would have been written. Only because all 33 miners and every rescue worker is safe, can we go back to normal quickly.

(The miners should be so lucky.)

It is time to talk about the Chilean Mine Scandal.

I found out what caused the Chilean mine to collapse.

The truth must be told.

It was a conspiracy between Karl Rove and the Chamber of Commerce.

(Meanwhile, praise President Obama for single-handedly rescuing all 33 miners as he promised during his 2008 presidential campaign to earn Chile’s beta male of the year award, which he donated to fellow beta male Joy Behar.)

The pieces are all in place. Ignoring them is not acceptable.

The miners were Chilean. They speak Spanish.

President George W. Bush speaks Spanish.

President Bush’s top political director is Karl Rove.

There was even a meeting between George W. Bush and the Chilean president several years ago. Karl Rove was in the room.

Conservatives will insist that this was just a normal state dinner with another head of state, but that is what the vast right-wing conspiracy wants us all to think.

The president of Chile was in on it. He is a conservative. He and President Bush, with help from Karl Rove, plotted to have 33 miners trapped so that worldwide sympathy would allow a conservative leader to become a folk hero by immediately rushing to the scene. Fox News wanted to capture the footage of conservative leadership to prop up the right wing column, which I believe is the fifth.

(The same amendment many politicians invoke and the amount of gin they drink, but enough about the Kennedys.)

After all of the miners were rescued, the phrase “Mission Accomplished” was said by one of the Chileans. This was a coded message of support for President Bush.

So how does the Chamber of Commerce fit in?

This is so easy that I should not have to explain it.

What were the men rescued in? What was the cylinder device?

That’s right…a chamber.

What were the miners doing when the mine caved in?

They were mining.

Why were they mining?

It is their job.

What is another word for job?

Business…also known as…


What were the men mining for?


What is copper?

A commodity.

What is another commodity?


That’s right, Big Oil was behind this. Dick Cheney used to be CEO of Halliburton. Vice President Cheney answered to President Bush, who employed Karl Rove.

Karl Rove owns a television with a remote control.

(He could hire somebody to get up and change the channel for him, but he does not care about migrant workers and Americans won’t fill that job, so he heartlessly eliminates that job with a remote control that is every bit as destructive to human laborers as Eli Whitney’s Cotton Gin and Cyrus McCormick’s Reaper.)

His remote control is powered by batteries.

The battery he uses is Duracell.

(Even liberals are tired of that Energizer Rabbit.)

What is the nickname of Duracell?

That’s right. The Copper Top.

What was being mined in Chile?


There you have it. A wealthy white conservative exploited third world Chilean Spanish laborers and risked their lives just so that he could have a working remote control battery so he could watch Fox News.

Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck were part of the conspiracy.

One could base it on their programs the last couple of days.

Some people will point out that for the most part their shows were preempted so people could focus on the miners.

That is what the Fox News personnel from Roger Ailes down to every intern wanted you to think.

O’Reilly, Beck, and Hannity deliberately engineered this story so they could take a day off of work to meet in seclusion and discuss top secret plans.

Fox News deliberately showed the miners as happy to be free and alive. This was a ruse. Karl Rove had the medical personnel on the scene give them sedatives. Some will say this was to calm them down and save their lives, but it was part of the conservative conspiracy between Rove, President Bush, and the Chilean president.

The workers needed to be happy so they did not become vulnerable to ACLU lawyers, personal injury lawyers, ACORN agitators, and “Workers of the World Unite” leftists. The drugs allowed the miners to engage in strong displays of patriotism, rather than rail against the big business people and others saving their lives.

How many workers were in attendance?


How many people from the Huffington Post were in attendance?


How many Daily Kos bloggers were there?


This is because the Bush-Cheney-Rove-Fox News-Neocon Cabal prevented them from coming and helping. The right wanted total control of the news, so they made sure that only the “right” people were there.

The Chilean Mine Scandal is an outrage. I will not rest until Karl Rove is brought to justice.

Even his name is an acronym for evil.

The anagram for “Rove” is “over.”

Karl is short for “Kill All Raging Leftists.”

He wants to eliminate all leftists the world over.

(We may have to investigate all Karls, including Karl Karcher of Carl’s Jr. Burger Joint for deliberately misspelling his own name to keep people off the trail. Karl Marx may have to be investigated, except he may be deceased. Then again, the left wants us to think that. His spirit is certainly alive and well in the Obama White House.)

So Karl Rove did engineer the Chilean Mine Scandal.

The media will not cover this because they are too busy ignoring the Brazilian Macaroni Scandal that is so secret that nobody knows what it is yet.

All I know is that macaroni is often shaped like cylinders, which are chambers. They are often sold in boxes, which is a form of commerce.

The corruption never stops.


33 Chilean Miners Alive…Yes!

Thursday, October 14th, 2010

The only guy pumping his fists more than me was the second freed miner, who is such an international celebrity that he may be mistaken for a soccer star.

All 33 miners are now free.


Today is a good day for all of humanity.

One billion people watched these miners get rescued. One out of every seven people in this world stopped what they were doing, even briefly, to root for and care about people they do not know and will never meet.

So many things go wrong in this world that it is an absolute marvel to think how many things needed to…and did…go right this time.

It starts at the top. I knew nothing about the President of Chile. What I do know is that he got one very big thing right. He immediately asked the world for help. Some leaders insist they can do everything on their own. This leader knew he needed help, and he quickly went and got it.

The technology had to be precise, making sure the cylinder rescuing the miners was lowered at the precise angle.

The medical personnel had to provide physical and emotional care for people.

The order of the miners was important, with the weakest miners being in the middle group. Releasing strong guys at the end makes sense, but a few strong guys in the beginning is important for psychology and morale.

As for the Chilean people, they are obviously a proud people. They have much to be proud of.

More than one miner emphasized how proud he was to be Chilean.

When I hear Lee Greenwood sing “God bless the USA,” my eyes well up with tears. This was especially true after 9/11.

To hear Chileans sing their national anthem…I do not have to know a word of Spanish to find it moving.

The second miner said that “God and the devil were fighting over me, and God won.”

I am not qualified to say if God saved these miners. What I do know is that many of them believe that God saved them, and that is good enough for me. If God got them through this tough time, then that is religion at its finest.

One cannot minimize the rescue workers across the world.

As an American, I am beyond proud that American technology helped contribute to this triumph of the human spirit. Americans are not perfect, but we are good people. We stood with Chile, and were rewarded with seeing human beings live. That is as good as it gets from a reward standpoint.

In the coming days this feel-good unity will fade, especially in America. After all, we have an election to fight about. I will get back to my typical snarky self tomorrow.

Yet for today, 33 miners have their lives.

Amazingly, some of them will go back to mining. More than a couple of them said that mining is what they know and what they do. Some love it. It is their passion.

Others are prepared to immediately retire, never setting foot in another mine.

The last miner rescued was the boss. He volunteered to be last because he was not going to leave without his men. That is heroism at its finest.

I know we live in a world where bombs go off, nations threaten other nations, and religious and secular conflicts rip this world asunder.

Yet for about 18 hours, it seemed like all of that stopped. We saw human beings, and we rooted for them. We prayed for them. Some people went into the mine with zero mining experience simply to rescue complete strangers.

Others sent medical supplies. One company donated expensive sunglasses. Another company donated technological expertise.

Not every story will end happy. One of the miners invited his wife and his mistress to the rescue. I question that decision. The mistress showed and the wife did not. Some people joked that this miner may have been safer spending a couple more days in the mine hiding.

These miners will have a long road ahead of them. There will be many tough moments. Yet at least they will have the chance to get through them because they are alive.

This was a good day, and a day to celebrate good.

The reason I believe good outweighs evil in this world is because when the chips are down…in this case way down trapped underground…we saw what the world is made of.

One billion people came together to support 33 strangers.

This was a victory for all of us.

We all needed this. So much suffering has resulted in so much loss and pain.

Like a sports team on a never-ending losing streak…we humans desperately needed a win.

We needed something to hang on to, something to hope and believe in again.

This was a big win for the human condition.

Tomorrow we can go do whatever it is we do.

Today, many of you like me see these 33 miners safe and sound, pump our fists, enjoy the sweet sound of the Chilean national anthem mixed in with soccer cheers, and loudly exclaim…



Cautious Optimism for the Chilean Miners

Wednesday, October 13th, 2010

Like many people today, I find regular politics to be briefly inconsequential.

In a world where there is much sadness, there is very cautious optimism coming out of Chile.

All over the world, people are watching and praying that the early signs coming out of Chile regarding the mine rescue continue to lead to positive developments.

Until all 33 miners are rescued, a full celebration cannot begin.

In the coming days and weeks there will be talk of lawsuits, and investigations into what went wrong.

Not today.

For one day, the best of the human spirit is on display. Let that be the story.

The most honorable thing a human being can do is risk their life for another human being. What makes this even more poignant is that the rescuers and the miners are complete strangers to each other.

For 69 days the miners were trapped underground. I did not cover the story because like the rest of the world, the only thing to do was wait.

The Chilean government was very smart to do what many governments and individuals fail to do. The Chilean government lowered expectations.They under-promised and over-delivered.

Attention to detail was critical. The rescue was done at night to avoid risking any of the miners going blind from light shock after over two dark months. Their arms were covered to prevent skin burning from the heat. While one would think the sickest miners would be sent up first, it made sense to have some of the healthier ones go first so that the sicker ones could be “prepared” underground by rescue workers before coming back above ground.

Every precaution pre-rescue and post-rescue will determine the lives of these 33 miners forever.

The miners are not the only ones affected. The rescuers are under intense pressure. Families are watching and waiting.

So is the entire world.

Despite the problems that face this world, I still believe that most people in this world are good, decent people with noble hearts.

We are also a frustrated world. We are starving for good news. For every Sully Sullenberger happy ending, it seems that there are four or five episodes of terrorism, natural disasters or other tragedies.

There is unimaginable human suffering, including cyber-bullying that recently led to young people committing suicide.

Those episodes cannot and should not be ignored. Suppressing the reality of our world is not the way to fix it.

Yet at some point, we look upward and we look inward, and we beg for scraps of positive news.

The Pennsylvania mine episode turned jubilant when the governor at the time proudly exclaimed “All 9 are alive!”

West Virginia was the worst kind of heartbreak. First we were told that all but one of the miners had survived, 12 out of 13. People hugged each other joyously, only to find out later that the numbers were reversed, and that all but one had died. The sole survivor was a mess.

Chile so far is hopeful but far from a victory. The miners will have to guard against dehydration, and there will be emotional scars that may take years. Early pumping of fists could just be adrenaline rushes that wear off quickly.

Yet looking at the faces of the spouses and the children of the miners who have already been rescued tells us all we need to know. As long as these miners are alive, there is a chance that everything this time will eventually be ok.

When the second miner was rescued, I pumped my fist. The television news reporter summed it up when he said, “I don’t care if we see this 34 more times, every single time you will get a chill watching it.”

The second miner actually gave presents to the rescuers. He hugged every single rescuer.

One miner volunteered to be the very last one rescued. Words cannot describe this act of honor.

The second miner kept pumping his fist while the crowd chanted “C-H-I-L-E!”

I want to join in the celebration but there is still a long way to go.

I keep coming back to the people of this world.

We have our skirmishes about politics and sports. In America, the next three weeks will feature a nation described as torn apart.

Yet when there is a true tragedy such as a 9/11, we unite. When we split up again, that is not necessarily bad. It means we are ok, and have gotten back to normal.

The entire world comes together when a city like New York, Bali, or Mumbai gets bombed.

The entire world comes together when storms devastate Haiti.

The entire world is helping out with the rescue of the Chilean miners.

The Christian Science Monitor reported that “Long-time enemies Bolivia and Chile are cooperating to support Bolivian miner Carlos Mamani, 23, and Bolivia’s leftist President Evo Morales is expected to greet the newly freed miners along with Chile’s conservative President Sebastian Piñera.”

Everyone is pitching in.

American technology from NASA has helped with this rescue.

People we will never know are doing big and little things we will never find out about just to show they care.

Whether one believes in Almighty God, or in some other way acknowledges something higher than our individual selves, most of us truly do care about the world around us and our fellow human beings.

We sometimes fight about the details of how to get “there,” but most of us truly want a better world.

It has taken…and will continue to take…a ton of hard work to allow this potential tragedy to be a triumph.

The rescue workers are only the beginning, albeit a vital beginning.

Doctors, psychiatrists, clergy, and many others will pitch in.

Spouses and children will provide love and support. Patience will be required more than ever.

Maybe one day we will look back and see this episode as a turning point for the day when the world became a better place.

Maybe that is naive to think.

Yet for one day, the early news seems to be good.

I remain cautiously optimistic.

May God bless the Chilean miners and all of their loved ones.

May more good days ahead await us.

In every corner of the globe…now more than ever…we need this.


Sue President Obama and the DNC for Slander

Tuesday, October 12th, 2010

As the American public grows bored with President Obama and other leftists demonizing conservatives for existing and breathing air, the leftist bomb-throwers remain obtuse. They truly believe that the bomb-throwing is appropriate, but that they have yet to find the right target.

President George W. Bush is retired and happy on his ranch.

Sarah Palin is a private citizen making millions on the speaking circuit.

Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck are laughing all the way to the bank.

Now President Obama and the leftist character assassins are going after the Chamber of Commerce.

The Chamber of Commerce?

Can anybody think of a more boring, non-controversial group? Does any sane person really believe that number crunchers at debit conventions wearing red and blue diagonal neckties are a threat to democracy?

Think of the Democrats as a cheating spouse. Because they are lying and cheating, they become paranoid and assume that they are being lied to and cheated on because “everybody does it.”

No. Lying cheaters lie and cheat. Thieves steal. Plenty of good people do none of this.

The Democratic National Committee and Barack Obama have accused the Chamber of Commerce of conspiring with Karl Rove to funnel foreign money into entities against Barack Obama’s agenda.

This is not mere crying about political opponents, which our Crybaby in Chief does in spades. This is an accusation of financial criminality, with no proof to back it up.

The solution is obvious, but the irony is worth some reminders.

The Democratic National Committee was a criminal enterprise in the mid-1990s. Remember John Huang? Did we ever find Charlie Trie? Yes, and no.

We learned from the 1996 election two very important things. First of all, nobody cares about campaign finance reform. It is inside baseball. Also, there is no penalty for violating campaign finance laws. Giving the money back after the election is useless. The left will argue for more laws that they will disobey anyway.

Like cheating spouses, they rail about “big oil,” and “big pharma,” while George Soros owns them lock, stock, and barrel. He most likely owns the toilet paper companies used to clean up their (redacted).

The second thing we learned in 1996 is that voters want a healthy economy, and that the rest (outside of national security) is boring.

Barack Obama and the DNC are crashing and burning because there is no economic recovery. They have no way to keep power but to slash and burn everything in sight and hope they are the only ones left standing.

So what should the Democrats do?

They should put up or shut up. Either present evidence of malfeasance, or knock it off.

When Bob Schieffer asked David Axelrod if he had evidence, Axelrod replied that the Chamber offered no proof that the allegations were false, as if guilty until proven innocent existed in America.

Under those guidelines, Axelrod has failed to prove to me that he does not enjoy sexual relations with homosexual Arab goats.

Assuming the evidence against the Chamber does not exist, the Chamber of Commerce has an option. It might be considered “going nuclear,” but as I have said many times, the only thing bullies understand is force.

The Chamber of Commerce should sue the President and the DNC.

Tie them up in court for years and bury them in paperwork so that they never get out from under.

The Supreme Court ruled 9-0 in the Bill Clinton vs Paula Jones case that presidents could be sued civilly while in office.

(Full disclosure: I totally disagreed with the ruling, and still do.)

Some will say that subjecting the president to lawsuits will distract him from his duties.

What duties?

Golfing? Campaigning? Slandering innocent people? What does this man actually do of consequence that makes this argument work?

The economy did fine while Bill Clinton was “distracted.” In fact, the only times when he got into trouble (with the voters) was when he felt the need to meddle and “do things.” Once he realized he was irrelevant, he left things the heck alone, got out of the way, and successfully took credit for failing to screw it up as he won reelection.

What President Obama and the DNC is doing to the Chamber of Commerce is not typical “politics as usual.”

For those wanting proof of the other side, look at Carl Paladino in New York. He has called Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver a criminal.

(I personally agree with his assessment.)

Yet without any proof, this is slander.

(I suspect that Speaker Silver does not sue because the allegations are true, and he would rather Paladino just lose the election and disappear.)

Suing Barack Obama and the DNC does not mean paralyzing the country. A simple “cease and desist” order from a judge will actually free Mr. Obama from his distractions and allow him to spend more time doing his job, which he is supposed to do anyway.

If the President is going to accuse his political opponents of crimes, he had better have the evidence to back it up. Otherwise he is just a tired blowhard desperate to distract the nation from his own failures.

The Chamber of Commerce is a pro-business organization. They see Obamacare as bad for business. They see his raising taxes as bad for business. They are not taking to the streets with flamethrowers. They are using Bic pens, most likely black medium point.

They disagree with him. This is legitimate political discourse.

President Obama still fails to grasp that honest people can have honest disagreements in an honest manner.

There is no vast right-wing conspiracy. If anything, Karl Rove should be delighted about all of this. Every time he is accused of nefarious plotting, his book sales and speaking fees skyrocket.

There is a vast left-wing conspiracy, because again, cheats and liars think everybody else is the same. Only cheats and liars would fund their entire apparatus with George Soros blood money and then hurl accusations.

George Soros is a convicted criminal (insider trading). He was convicted in a court of law. This is who owns and funds the left.

The Chamber of Commerce consists of productive people who are tired of lazy, free-loading leeches (the leftist constituency) dragging everybody down.

Barack Obama does not understand productive people because he has never been one.

Before he bungled his way to the top in a way that would make Dilbert proud, he had never run a city, a state, a business, or anything else of consequence. He taught people how to yell “No justice, no peace,” as if that is a positive societal contribution.

Although the American people will completely ignore this attack on the Chamber of Commerce as the desperate and inconsequential rantings of a desperate and inconsequential man and political party, letting these attacks go is not an option. Karl Rove admits to this day that his biggest failing while serving President George W. Bush was his refusal to insist that scurrilous attacks be loudly and quickly debunked. Silence is seen as acquiescence.

So in the spirit of beating the left at their own tactics, the option for retaliation must be the courts. Liberals have spent decades suing people for sport, because again it is easier to take from productive people than to actually try and become one.

The Chamber of Commerce should sue President Obama and the DNC until they are bankrupt. Then and only then will these liberal bullies stop the baseless attacks and focus on the American people they falsely claim to give a whit about.