Archive for June, 2011

Dallas Mavericks–2011 NBA Champs

Sunday, June 12th, 2011

The Dallas Mavericks are NBA Champs.

Here are some disjointed thoughts.

I always remind myself not to mix politics with sports. This year in the NBA finals was tougher.

From a Jewish standpoint, it is not easy for me to root for a German athlete. Yet Dirk Nowitzki is so incredibly likable that I had to get over it. Dirk Nowitzki had nothing to do with what my dad went through. Heck, Nowitzki’s father was not even born yet.

I rooted against Detlef Schrempf his entire career because he looked sinister to me He had a cold steely eyed gaze. My Jewish friends forced me to admit that it was just his game face. Nowitzki does not even have a cold game face. For a 7 foot German guy, he is just too warm and fuzzy to think anything bad about. Watching him pull his jersey over his eyes to hide his obvious tears was poignant. It is easy to be happy for him.

Rooting for Mark Cuban could also be tough given that he is politically on the left. I met him once, and he insisted that he was not on the left. The only Cuban to the left of Mark might be Fidel Castro, and it is close.

Nevertheless, he is the Al Davis of the NBA and as a huge Al Davis fan, I found the rebel Cuban likable. Cuban is not seen as classy, but his gesture to have the original Mavericks owner hold the trophy first was a great gesture. The media tried to goad Cuban into an “I told you so” moment, and he took the high road.

Although I can’t stand the AARP, I was happy to see Jason Kidd finally win after 17 years.

Yet for many people, Miami was the new Evil Empire of basketball. Not since the 2004 Lakers has a team been so reviled outside of their home city. Like that team, the 2011 Heat seemed like a team trying to buy  championship by stocking up on ringers (Although the Lakers were doing fine before the extra hired guns arrived).

So now that Lebron James has lost again in the finals, the bloodletting and overreacting can begin. This would be a mistake. Dr. Jerry Buss overreacted after the 2004 loss by firing the coach. After a year of misery he brought him back and righted the ship.

So in 2011, will the Heat overreact? Pat Riley is itching to fire coach Erik Spoelstra so he can take the job himself. Will Lebron shove Bosh under the bus? This would be unfair, since Bosh and Wade are not the reason why the Heat lost. LeBron is the King, and it was his job to deliver. He did not.

This was clearly a case of heart overcoming superior talent across the way. Again, similar to 2004, the team with the superstar individuals lost to the players that made a better team.

In 2006 the Mavericks had the Heat all but dead before a monumental collapse. Five years later the roles were reversed, as the Mavericks won four games to two to claim their first title.

By the way, if Dirk Nowitzki marries a Jewish woman the children will be legally Jewish, and hopefully just as tall. Then I can root for his kids bigtime.

Until then, Dirk Nowitzki has a totally scraggly goatee. As an unshaven guy myself, this is a source of pride.

Congratulates Dallas. Enjoy some cigars. They might even be Cubans.


The NOW/Anthony Weiner 2011 Summer Trouserthon

Sunday, June 12th, 2011

Every man in America who has ever taken a picture of his own (redacted) should mail the pics to the National Organization for Women. They love that stuff. If it bothered them, they would comment about Anthony Weiner. Come on guys, give the NOW what they want.

If women can do a Slutwalk March, then let’s declare June 19th the first annual 2011 Male Summer Trouserthon.

All men are ordered to drop trou in front of NOW members until they criticize Anthony Weiner. All other women not in the NOW should be treated with respect.

Those unwilling to drop trou should send the NOW discount coupons for hot dogs. All hail Trouserthon 2011!

This will be an all day event on Sunday, June 19th, 2011. There will be fun for the entire family, unless the family consists of NOW members. After all, they do not know how to have fun.

The official mascot of the event Trouserthon 2011 will be the NOW Ostrich. Every time we show a picture of a liberal behaving badly, the mascot will run around aimlessly and then stick his head in the sand.

There will be comedians performing at Trouserthon as well.

“The problem with women is their standards. They have them. So my hope is that 90% of men act worse so I can be one of the best with less effort…yet they should not act so badly that women give up on all of us. it is hard work maintaining such a delicate balance.”

“Maybe Anthony Weiner was smart to take pics. I have been trying to prove for years that I fathered Elizabeth Hurley’s baby and nobody believes me. I wish I had the proof. Would I pay child support for 18 years just for bragging rights? Ummm, yeah.”

“The real Anthony Weiner scandal is that despite destroying his family in a sex scandal, he did not actually get to have sex with anyone. Even Deuce Bigalow had sex with one of them! 100 years from now teenage boys will learn about Weiner and feel better about themselves. Somebody stamp a scarlet L on this loser’s forehead.”

In an attempt to appeal to the sensitive sissy beta males, there will even be poetry readings. However, it will still be alpha male poetry.

“As I kissed her lips sweet as molasses, she wiggled her hips and broke my glasses.”

The official movie of Trouserthon 2011 will be “Old School.” A costume contest will give prizes to those most resembling Will Ferrell, Vince Vaughn, and Luke “The Godfather” Wilson. For those who want to play in the Jello wrestling ring, one must either be young, nubile, and female, or resemble Joseph “Blue” Pulaski as seen in the movie.

There will be musical interludes.

To quote Humpty Hump of Digital Underground, “I don’t go nowhere without my jim hat. Cause if I’m rapping as if she’s clapping then I’m strapping cause I’m smarter than that.”

The Divinyls offer wisdom by crooning, “I don’t want anybody else, cause when I think about you I touch myself.”

I personally don’t like to touch myself because I don’t know where I’ve been, but Anthony Weiner does not have that problem.

So for those of you who grew up (or never did) in the 80s, break out your jams. Mine have red, yellow, blue, and black fishies on them. Hey, fishies are more manly than duckies.

There will be waterslides.

There will be plenty of food. Naturally there will be Weiner on a stick among other yummy noshables.

Think of this as a combination of a carnival, a circus, and a bazaar, not to be confused with a bizarre. That would be Anthony Weiner.

There will also be parlor games similar to what one would find at Six Flags. One can throw beanbags at bottles with pictures of Congressman Weiner, John Edwards, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dominique Strauss-Khan, Eliot Spitzer, Bill Clinton, and Ted Kennedy on them.

Only men that the NOW gives a free pass to will be featured. Those actually criticized for their misdeeds will be spared.

After clips of “Old School” are played on the big screen, there will be a drinking contest in honor of “Frank the Tank.” The winner gets a Matchbox car shaped like the Ted Kennedy mobile that drove off the Chappaquiddick Bridge as the NOW stayed silent. It will even have an action figurine shaped like the late Senator Kennedy. Naturally, the figurine will be pantsless.

Get ready guys. The NOW/Trouserthon 2011 is seven days away.

Let’s party until there are consequences, which according to the NOW and Congressman Anthony Weiner is never.


The Anthony Weiner Song–By John De(n)ver

Saturday, June 11th, 2011

There is now an Anthony Weiner song. In a fun irony, the reader who sent me his song is a man named John Dever. I thought he said John Denver, but he is missing an n. However, the tune is to “Thank God I’m a Country Boy” by John Denver. So John Denver is sung by John Dever.

Before getting to the song, here are some more of my spur of the moment remarks on the greatest scandal since Eliot Spitzer.

“No Congressman Weiner, you cannot be a TSA agent. You don’t understand sir, they give the pat-downs. They don’t receive them. No sir, you cannot work the body scan machine. I have seen your scan. Sir, please just get on of the plane. Sir, stop saying the word cockpit and just sit down. Why are you flying from JFK to Laguardia and back all day anyway?”

“Dear lord, as I lay myself to sleep, I thank you for Anthony Weiner. Love, John Edwards, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Dominique Strauss-Khan.”

“Dear all powerful merciful Allah. Mohammed, peace be upon him, requests that the evil infidel donkey Zionist aggressor Anthony Weiner stay in the news forever so we may continue shooting our citizens in your name…Love, Moammar Khadafi and Bashar Assad. Oh, and death to Great and Little Satan, pornographic purveyor of congressional lewdness that we never look at or engage in…honest…really…well not often.”

For those who think Weiner is the only guy worthy of John Denver music lampooning, in college I actually came up with something that never really went anywhere.

“Got no time for working on the farm…

Got no time for that easy country charm…

Got money from Reagan, I’m gonna buy some arms…

Thank God I’m a Contra Rebel.”

Shockingly enough that went nowhere.

As for this current song, Mr. Dever sent me some good stuff. I did not change a single word, but I added stuff. So with every single verse, the first 2 lines are his and the last 2 lines are mine. Since the 4th line in each verse is exactly the same, let’s just say he contributed 2 lines, and I contributed 1 + the title.

With that, here is the Anthony Weiner Song by John Dever with my additions.

“I admit, I wasn’t being frank
When I said that is was just a prank

To all I suckered I’d like to thank…

Thank God I’m a Congressman

No, my account wasn’t hacked
It’s common sense and judgment that I lacked
I’m a liberal guy, this is how we act…

Thank God I’m a Congressman

Yes, the pictures are all mine
Just some harmless fun I have online
While squealing like a slippery greasy swine…

Thank God I’m a Congressman

It’s the press that isn’t being fair
I like to tweet me in my underwear
Forget about secrecy, I like to share…

Thank God I’m a Congressman

My online women there are 6
They like it when I send my racy pics
New meaning to country and the Dixie Chicks…

Thank God I’m a Congressman

Forever it will be my fate
To always be known for Weiner gate
I have ego for lunch and I lick the plate…

Thank God I’m a Congressman

Just a man trying to get his groove on

Now I’m feeling like a real moron

At least I’m loved by Joan Walsh at Salon…

Thank God I’m a Congressman

Now I’m feeling so much cleaner
Since I told the world it was my weiner
Here’s a pic of me with the vacuum cleaner…

Thank God I’m a Congressman

No, I’m not going to resign
And the ladies say my body’s fine
Weiner for Pres in 2029!

Thank God I’m a Congressman!”

John Denver is rolling over in his grave right now. John Dever hopefully has all of you rolling in your chairs.

Anyway, perhaps I should ease up on Congressman Weiner.

Just kidding. Now that you have the song, in the coming days will be the first annual Trouserthon and the Anthony Weiner movie casting.


How to make the Anthony Weiner ethics hearings more interesting

Friday, June 10th, 2011

At the Washington Times Communities, I discuss ways to make any Anthony Weiner ethics hearings more interesting.


GOP Convention 2011–Georgia

Thursday, June 9th, 2011

Last month I had the experience of attending the 2011 Georgia GOP Convention.

Between 2000 and 3000 people packed the convention hall in Macon, an hour south of Atlanta in the center of the state.

A spirited race took place for the chairmanship of the state GOP. Incumbent Sue Everhart was reelected over challengers Tricia Pridemore and Shawn Hanley. They are all good people. I have met them all. Yet Ms. Everhart stood tallest when the voting was done.

Governor Nathan Deal inspired the crowd at a breakfast, while Mrs. Deal shined in her remarks. They are both incredibly nice people, and they told me I was welcome to move to Georgia if the left coast where I live got any worse. I offered to make him Governor of California, but we both knew it would be a pay cut and a loss of prestige.

I got to meet a Facebook friend who is now a real life friend. Sahar Hekmati runs the Conservative Republican Women’s Club in Georgia.

Presidential contenders addressed the convention. Herman Cain tossed out red meat in his fiery manner that delegates love. He also spoke at an outdoor rally and signed autographs.

The highlight of the convention was former House Speaker Newt Gingrich. Despite allergies, he gave an electric speech. This was only two days before he had an appearance on the Chris Wallace Sunday talk show that was widely panned. Yet at the GA GOP Convention, Speaker Gingrich was magnificent.

His best best remark came when he stated that unlike the current White House occupant, his foreign policy approach would be an improvement. Plainly stated, Mr. Gingrich said, “We should have one.”

There was little to no revelry with regards to afterparties. This convention was more businesslike, since it only lasted two days instead of three. People wanted to get down to brass tacks and then “git her done.”

One reason Georgia was able to do this is because the state held for the GOP in 2008 and swing sharply to the right in 2010. Other states are trying to turn red. Georgia already is.

If it seems that this convention description is much shorter than that of other conventions, this is not to slight Georgia in any way. They simply did a bunch of things right in the previous two elections, and are looking to maintain that momentum. This may not seem terribly exciting, but expanding home turf is better than playing defense.

I was there as a vendor, and business was brisk at points.Times are tough economically, but Georgians are a tough bunch themselves.

Speaking of tough, the Republican Women of Georgia are as tough as anybody in the state. A luncheon featured National FRW President Sue Lynch. As Mrs. Lynch says, Republican women are not the “backbone.” The state GOP chair is a woman. The women are front and center, heart and soul.

From Governor Deal on down, it seemed that everybody kept their remarks reasonably brief and to the point. That is what happens when people are doers, not talkers. The GA GOP convention was a case of “mission accomplished.” Now the hard work begins. They already have their sleeves rolled up.


Self-loathing Jew Anthony Weiner also loathes Jewish women

Wednesday, June 8th, 2011

We now know that apparently the Weiner dog does not like his kosher.

My column at the Washington Times reflects the new bile from Congressman Weiner attacking Jewish women.

To quote the New York Post, “Erections have consequences.”

The disgusting human being that was born into this world Anthony Weiner has actually managed to add a new layer to an already tawdry sex scandal.

My freshmen year some of us would drive to Mount Saint Mary’s for what we called a “taste of Catholicism.”

Unlike Congressman Weiner, I grew up.

I would let Congressman Weiner read my diary except I was too lazy to write one.

There is nothing better than a Friday night Sabbath service followed by taking a Hebrew hottie and bouncing her (redacted), tasting her (redacted), enjoying every ounce of her (redacted) until she (redacted) loud enough to have the fire department show up and turn on the hoses.

Congressman, how do you know that a Jewish woman won’t show up at your door on Hanukkah wearing only a strategically placed blue and white Hanukkah bow? Wouldn’t you want your own festival of lights? Have you ever thought of asking?

Jewish women, I have tried some of the rest. You really for me are the best.


Burn in Hell Anthony Weiner

Tuesday, June 7th, 2011

Anthony Weiner should burn in hell.

He deserves to spend his remaining years on Earth in a state of constant humiliation. He should be emotionally driven into the ground until he cries himself to sleep every single night of his rotten, miserable existence.

Congressman Weiner has now confessed to being a sex-crazed animal who engages in salacious behavior with strange women.

(So am I. I am a young, single man. I do it because I feel like it. I may keep doing it. There are no pictures of me because I know my own limitations. However, if people ask me questions, I will smile and answer them. I am more ashamed of my junior high school years. I was morally chaste then, but that was because I could not get a date.)

He sent x-rated pictures of himself to various women. His count was six women over three years. Yet that is not why he is so loathesome.

The Washington Times has my column today.

He is lucky that his his wife is an Americanized Muslim and not a Radical Muslim supporting Sharia Law. This stuff in some countries leads to Honor Killings.

I would not send pics of my wiener but much worse would be if I sent pics of my Waxman. He is my congressman and is much more hideous.

Some pointed out that Anthony Weiner lied to his staff. So what? I lie to mine every night. I keep telling myself that it is bigger, but Playgirl Magazine is still not calling me for verification.

Oh, and dear ladies…it is only disgusting when men do it. So for any single woman who ever sent me salacious pictures or messages…Thank you.

Burn in Hell Anthony Weiner. You deserve it.


GOP Convention 2011–North Carolina

Monday, June 6th, 2011

I had the pleasure of attending the recent 2011 GOP Convention in North Carolina.

The 2010 NCGOP Convention I attended was in Winston-Salem. This one was in Wilmington, just North of the South Carolina border. For those who want a gorgeous scenic drive, start in Charleston, South Carolina. Drive up the coast through Myrtle Beach and reach Wilmington.

North Carolina is a great state with friendly people, and this convention was no exception. If there is one thing I can say about this convention, it is that this is not your grandfather’s North Carolina GOP.

I was there as a vendor, but I had the good fortune to attend some spectacular meal events.

The Friday evening banquet was a dedication to our troops. Most of the speakers kept the politics to a bare minimum, with the heavy emphasis being on what true support of our troops really means.

The outgoing Vice Chair of the NCGOP is Retired Major Tim Johnson. He is not only active in the GOP but in the black community as well. Last March he put on a very successful convention for the Frederick Douglass Foundation, which he heads. His family tradition of service extends to his son, who is currently stationed overseas.

Vice Chairman Johnson gave stirring remarks, and then introduce retired Colonel John Falkenbury. Colonel Falkenbury is the president of the NC chapter of the USO. From Bob Hope to Gary Sinise, the USO has gotten many celebrities to volunteer their time to entertain our troops all over the globe.

Following Colonel Falkenbury were passionate remarks from Whitney Deann Jezek-Power, She is a combat casualty assistant visiting nurse. As she explained, she is with the troops from when they enter the military to when they transition back to civilian life. She spoke about the Semper Fi Fund, which cares for injured marines.

Those with disposable income should absolutely consider donating to the Semper Fi Fund and the NC USO. Every little bit helps.

The next speaker could very well be the next rising star. Retired Marine Second Leiutenant Ilario Pantano lit up the room. Lt. Pantano is running for Congress in North Carolina’s 7th district. He is an Italian married to a Jewish woman. His training included training given to the Israeli Defense Forces. He received loud applause when he announced that a military hero and veteran we should all honor and respect is Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.

Mr. Pantano also showed his sense of humor by alluding to the difficult conditions in what was an otherwise perfect evening. A problem with the hotel’s air conditioning left the room a heatbox. Mr. Pantano pointed out that he had the heat turned up to let everybody know what our soldiers went through in Fallujah. He requested that now that everybody had understood, if the heat could be turned down. Sadly enough, his request went unheeded. Yet while the room was uncomfortably warm, his white hot remarks still made for a fantastic evening.

There were not presidential candidates in attendance at this dinner due to competition from the Faith and Freedom Convention in DC. Yet the keynote speaker was a rock star in his own right who many want to run for President at some time in the near future. Topping Mr. Pantano was difficult, but it was done.

Colonel Allen West simply blew the lid off of the room.

The first term South Florida Congressman is simply the real deal. He received thunderous applause throughout his remarks. He touched on military service and sacrifice, securing our borders, and the moral need to constrain our out of control debt. His full-throttled defense of Israel received a long standing ovation. He also made it clear that if need be he would make sure that the currant White House occupant received a verbal “butt whupping” in 2012.

Liberals may focus on Colonel West being black. Conservatives focus on his being a superstar. Superstars come in all colors, and it is obvious why men of all colors in his platoon would have gone through a brick wall for him.

I made two requests of Mr. Pantano and Congressman West when I met them. I asked that if they see Barbara Boxer in the halls of Congress, that they call her “mam” or whatever they want, whenever they please. I also requested that if any liberals give them lip on military issues, that they turn into the second coming of Jack Nicholson’s Colonel Nathan R. Jessup and straighten them out. Neither of these men would have a problem with this when necessary.

(My mother met Colonel West when he spoke to a group in South Florida. She said that he is a “nice young man,” and I let him know she thought that.)

I explained to Colonel West that I did two tours of duty as a student in a New York public school, and he admitted that this should count as a combat zone.

Humor aside, it is vital that Americans support Colonel West and Mr. Pantano.

The luncheon on Saturday was a victory for modern technology. Andrew Breitbart was supposed to appear in person, but illness kept him at home in California. Thanks to Skype, his remarks could still be heard.

The dinner Saturday night featured South Carolina Congressman Tim Scott. Along with Colonel West, Congressman Scott is one of two new freshman Republicans who happens to be black. I met him last month at his home state convention, and he remembered me. He must have a good memory.

At the risk of disappointing liberals, these men are not curiosities or anomalies. They are simply good men who believe in conservative principles. Those looking for a lily white convention should spend more time in “progressive” states. There were plenty of Republicans who happened to be black at this convention. Democrats may want to party like it’s 1860, but I saw with my own eyes what 2011 North Carolina is like inside the Republican Party.

Both Friday and Saturday night featured some great parties in the hospitality suites. The Young Republicans as always know how to put the Party in Republican Party. The Tea Party groups had a fun hospitality suite. A pair of Lieutenant Governor candidates had popular events.

I spent a decent amount of time in the suite of the Republican Women’s Federated suite. NCFRW President Dena Barnes and her ladies around the state are just fantastic. For the second year in a row, I performed for them. Anybody who thinks a male president runs this country has not been to an FRW meeting. Martha Jenkins and Zan Bunn are NCFRW ladies who always greet me kindly, among many others.

Sunday morning featured a prayer breakfast. I was expecting a Christian breakfast, since North Carolina is the Bible Belt. Again, this is not your grandfather’s North Carolina GOP.

Dr. Ada Fisher is a black woman and the daughter of a Baptist minister. She said the breakfast would begin with three prayers. The first was a Christian prayer. The second one was a prayer for all of the children. The third one was a Jewish prayer. She recited it in English and Hebrew.

As a Jewish person I could not have been more proud. Again, this was Sunday. To have only Christian prayers would have been unsurprising. Yet diversity and outreach are not mere slogans with the NCGOP. They mean it. I was there.

The Chairman of the NCGOP is Robin Hayes. He is incredibly likable and funny. At the Friday dinner he ordered people surrounding Colonel West to leave the room and come to the hospitality suite solely because it had air conditioning. There would be no heatstroke on his watch.

His remarks at the breakfast were funny, but also meaningful. He pointed out that while the GOP had a fantastic 2010 election, we were all to act “with humility” going forward into 2012. He did not want anybody getting full of themselves. We were to lead the right way.

The keynote remarks were delivered by Judge Paul Newby. Judge Newby does not rely on fire and brimstone. He speaks in a calm voice, and is also funny and self-effacing. He began with several low key religious jokes. One involved a women’s rummage sale where people were supposed to bring whatever useless things they did not need. At the bottom of the flier it read “bring your husbands.” This was meant in a positive way but is still hilarious when misconstrued. He even made fun of himself, pointing out that trying to convince people you know what you are doing when your name is “Newby” is not easy.

Judge Newby’s remarks were steady and meaningful, and the crowd absorbed them and found importance in them.

About 1200 attendees saw Chairman Hayes run for reelection unopposed. He is well liked and respected. Despite my being from out of town, he could not have been more hospitable and welcoming.

The Vice Chair race saw a spirited contest end with a very close result, as Wayne King defeated Tim Johnson. Even in defeat, Mr. Johnson has a very bright future ahead of him.

Chairman Hayes is very well aware that North Carolina will be a critical battleground in 2012. It swung away from the GOP in 2008, and Mr. Hayes is determined to swing it back.

As everybody left Wilmington, they were tired but yet energized at the same time. For those observing the NCGOP, the only way to describe this convention would be to call it what it truly was…a total success.


My presidential announcement

Sunday, June 5th, 2011

Today I will be making my presidential announcement regarding the 2012 Election.

This is not the same as my making my decision. That will come later. Today is just my announcement.

I have been mulling a run, if navel gazing while drinking a soda counts as mulling.

I would campaign in South Carolina, Nevada and Florida, but not in Iowa or New Hampshire after Labor Day. I hate cold weather.

I would actually skip Iowa and Nevada Caucuses because I hate committee meetings.

I may have some bimbo eruptions, and I have not decided if I will be creating any new ones in the next few months. If I am, and I still ran, that would make me selfish enough…well, to be a presidential candidate actually.

I would form an exploratory committee, but again, I really hate committees.

I have been consulting with experts, if by experts I mean my friends and if by consulting I mean talking politics with them while watching the ballgame.

I am prepared to promise everything and deliver nothing or promise nothing and deliver everything, whichever sounds better and more believable. Maybe I will deliver less than nothing in keeping with our deficits.

Whatever the issue, I am against it or in favor of it, but most likely choose not to discuss it.

I would not have paid staff. I would run a true grassroots campaign, which I have been told is code for having no popular support.

As for my economic plan, I do not need one. The Wall Street Journal editors really do know everything.

My foreign policy would be about blowing up bad guys and lots of chest thumping. I would hire “The Expendables” to handle this.

There are no naked pictures of me online because when I looked in the mirror a few years back I realized “nobody wants to see this.”

Anyway, I may just flip a coin to make my decision, but I think I know which way I am leaning.

Again, I am much closer to an official decision than I was before, but for now things are still in the announcement stage.

This concludes my announcement. Like all of you, I await my decision.


Kurt Cobain’s Presidential Predictions

Saturday, June 4th, 2011

For those trying to handicap presidential elections, quit wasting time. The next few elections are already decided.

From now on I am turning to Kurt Cobain for my election analysis. He cannot be any farther off than those making predictions today.

The Nirvana singer has been dead since 1994, but subliminal messages in his biggest hit song predicted the 2008 election. Using the hidden codes in his music will unlock the key to American leadership for the next two decades.

The next president after Barack Obama will either be Mitt Romney or Tim Pawlenty.

After that we will have an actor as President. The tradition of Ronald Reagan will continue. This time it will be Jeff Goldblum. He starred in “The Fly.”

After President Goldblum we will go from another guy who could be nicknamed “the fly,” but for much more dubious reasons. If John Edwards is unable to serve because he is in prison, then all signs point toward the repeal of the 22nd Amendment and Bill Clinton serving a third term. I am not happy about this, but the history has already been written.

I personally never cared for the music of Nirvana, but now that they are political prognosticators I may rethink them. Most likely I will not.

I cannot believe it was right in front of our faces and all of America missed it.


A mulatto…an albino…a mosquito…my libidio.

These lyrics were once thought to be nonsensical gibberish. Now they are the future.

The only other way to read this is to take the Weird Al Yankovic spoof of the song. He gave us “Smells like Nirvana.”

A garage band…from Seattle…well it sure beats…raising cattle.

This means that the next president will be Thaddeus McCotter, who plays in a band called the “Second Amendments.” After that will be Baghdad Jim McDermott. The backlash from his leadership will be so severe that Americans will swing to the right and elect the current outgoing Kentucky Agriculture Secretary Richie Farmer. An Agriculture Secretary named Farmer is pretty cool. The current Treasury Secretary could be named “Wastrel.”

Now that the future is decided, pundits can relax until it is time to debate election 2032 or 2040, whichever comes first (let it go).

Then again, maybe “Smells like teen spirit” is not a prediction of the future or even a lament of Code Pink protesters or Ron Paul supporters at CPAC. A further analysis of the song may render all of this moot.

“It’s so hard, so hard to find…oh well, whatever…never mind.”

Grunge and punditry…never mind.