Archive for June, 2011

The Top 120 Political Yummy Bouncies of 2011

Tuesday, June 21st, 2011

Today is June 21st, the first day of Summer. As the weather gets hotter, it is time for the annual Summer kickoff. This is the 2011 official list of the Top 120 Political Yummy Bouncies.

The list contains ten women on the left, ten on the right, and ten straight up that bodacious creamy middle.

Liberal women find the list sexist, as if women never rank men. Consider even having liberals on this list to be the sexual version of affirmative action.

Conservative women are usually flattered since they are secure enough with themselves to know that women can have beauty and brains.

Here are the lists from 2008, 2009, and 2010.

To prove that this list involves brains as well as beauty, the dopey imbeciles known as Hollywood celebrities are not on the list. Having a political opinion does not make one political, nor does playing somebody political on a television show or in a movie suffice. The people on this list engage in politics for real.

With that, here are the Top 120 Political Yummy Bouncies of 2011.


10.) Maria Cantwell/Barbara Boxer

These women may both be dragging the Senate over the left cliff of sanity, but they are reasonably attractive. I am sure every man fantasizes over what Barbara Boxer must be like with laryngitis. Men who loathe her still think she could use a good spanking. She should have stayed brunette. Cantwell understands this.

9.) Norah O’Donnell

She would have ranked higher like she has in past years but since she is on MSNBC, nobody watches her. She has 12 viewers. 8 of them are conservatives doing opposition research and 2 of them are lusty teenagers. Compared to the all male cast including Matthews, Schultz, and Maddow, at least Norah has estrogen.

8.) The slutwalkers

Women are threatening to engage in slutwalks. They are letting us all know that they will prance around scantily clad to teach us all a lesson. As long as they are young and attractive, fine by me.

7.) Tamara Holder

This tough liberal attorney is allowed to talk about the penal code whenever she wants. What is about lawyers named Holder screwing up the system? Unlike Eric, at least this Holder does not have a mustache.

6.) Tina Fey

In real life she is a typical elitist snob, a nobody on a show that was funny before she was born. She became a somebody by imitating a somebody, that being Sarah Palin. It is sad when your best accomplishment is being mistaken for somebody else, but that is what happens when one is on a television show thirty years past its golden years.

5.) Oprah Winfrey

After 25 years she is leaving television. Despite being a liberal, conservatives should always appreciate her for knocking Phil Donahue off the air. Also, we should fear her because she runs the world. Her boyfriend Steadman Graham is the current Attorney General.

4.) Kirsten Powers

She dated the appropriately named yet slightly misspelled Anthony Weiner. She is a liberal who is sane. Conservatives can listen to her without suffering permanent ear damage. She is capable of offering reasonable analysis, which is probably why she broke up with Weiner to begin with. The pic of her has her giggling while the word “batteries” is on the ticker. What a naughty coincidence.

3.) Leslie Marshall

She is another liberal willing to concede that conservatives have a right to exist. I have sparred with her on her radio program. She is tough but fair. She is also hot.

2.) Alicia Menendez

She is a fiery latina leftist. Admit it men. Even if you are not listening to a word she is saying, she looks great saying it.

1.) Alina Kabaeva

This pro-Kremlin woman reminds me of the 1980s movie “Secrets of the Red Bedroom.” She has been linked romantically to Vladimir Putin. Both deny this, but why does Vlady get women like this…because he can. The entire reason to be a dictator is to get women like this.


10.) Cinnamon Stouffer

This CNN Headline News honey now goes by her middle name Linda. I remember a commercial from the 1980s “Help yourself to Stouffer’s Pizza.” I sure wish I could.*85*memb*5*

9.) Melissa Theuriau

She is a French journalist. To be French and non-detestable is commendable when graded on her very lovely curves.

8.) Amy Robach

The Today Show, like NBC itself, is so yesterday. Yet this woman is the loveliest thing they have seen since Jane Pauley was thrown overboard for not being hot enough. Shockingly enough, it was liberal white males who engaged in sexism while liberal women stayed silent.

7.) Anita McNaught

This Fox News correspondent is so regal with that British accent. She is as sophisticated as it gets.

6.) Erin Burnett

This CNN anchor is a new goddess that will hopefully be on the scene for some time.

5.) Kiran Chetry

She was on Fox News, and she still was noticed for her beauty. That says a lot given the bevy of competition. Yet she moved to CNN and instantly rocketed to the top.

4.) Margaret Brennan

This Bloomberg Television beauty makes more than the market rise. For those who grew up on Maria Bartiromo, there is serious competition in the “money honey” department.

3. Dierdre Bolton

Bloomberg Television now has the equivalent of the Doublemint Twins with another stunner. She is not related to the former United Nations Ambassador and she also does not have a mustache.

2.) Dagen McDowell

Whether on CNN or her current gig at Fox Business, she is still the Scarlett O’Hara of finance.

1.) Ruby the Heartthrob (Karima El Mahroug)

This 17 year old is why Silvio Berlusconi is the luckiest billionaire on Earth, assuming there are no consequences. The Italian Prime Minister and his Bunga Bunga sex parties gave us Ruby’s great bongos. Not only is she lovely, but Bunga Bunga is just fun to say. I think it involves trampolines. If Berlusconi did sleep with her, the answer is again the obvious. Because he can. That is the whole point of being a wealthy billionaire who runs an entire nation.


There is going to be serious controversy with this list. While Shannen Doherty gets a lifetime beauty notice, she has not done anything political lately. Once she reenters the political arena, she will vault back to her customary perch atop the beauty list as the hottest woman on Earth.

Mary Katharine Ham is not on the list. She recently got married, and my wedding present to her is to spare her the indignity of this nonsense. She will most likely return next year.

There are so many stunning conservative women, and I own the calendar to prove it. I bought it at CPAC and Kate Obenshain autographed it. Yet like cutting a budget, tough choices have to be made and I made them.

10.) Jan Brewer

Yes, I know. Some of you think I have lost my ever loving mind. Hey, Racquel Welch is looking phenomenal at 70, and Joan Collins is still elegant. How can one not lust after a woman who is constantly mentioned in the same sentence as “crackdown.” She is on the forefront of law and order in America, and that is hot.

9.) Lisa Baron/Delia Lopez/Elizabeth Halseth/Mande Wilkes

Delia Lopez ran for Congress in Oregon in 2010. Elizabeth Halseth in 2010 entered the Nevada state legislature. Mande Wilkes ran for the state legislature in South Carolina. Lisa Baron is a Republican Jewish brunette who wrote a political sex book. The fact that she is not number one shows how amazing the women ahead of her are. Sadly enough, none of the women on this list to my knowledge are in her book.—goldberg-life-of-the-party_212037590383.jpg

8.) Mary Taylor

The Lieutenant Governor of Ohio is one of the least well known of the stunning Mama Grizzlies, but being second in line to John Kasich should make her stand out.

7.) Ellen Karis

This Greek goddess of conservative comedy is funny, and married to a Jewish guy. Sadly, that man is not me.

6.) Sarah Palin/Michele Bachmann

The two hottest women ever to run for the White House are also two of the nicest, sweetest, and downright loveliest. They are both hopelessly in love with their own husbands, which is sweet and beautiful, but unfair to all other men everywhere. Kristi Noem is a newcomer to Congress from South Dakota. May she stay forever. The right has Kristi Noem while the left have garden gnomes.

The pic of Palin is obviously fake, but it is so lovely I had to use it anyway. I have no evidence she listens to the Jonas Brothers.

5.) Andrea Tantaros

Continuing with the Greek Aphrodite theme, Andrea Tantaros remains the conservative woman easy on the eyes who will make your ears bleed if you get on her bad side. She may have been the one who found the heel of Achilles in the Iliad. She certainly understands what men like…her.

4.) Jill Rowland

She ran for Congress in New York in 2010. The freezing winter is no match for her sultry warmth.

3.) Carol Vorderman

This British bombshell was a game show host who is rumored to be politically supportive of the Tories. At age 50 she just beat out 27 year old Royal Pippa for England’s coveted “Rear of the Year” award. She laughed and admitted that she has always “had a big bum.”

2.) Rebecca Kleefisch

The Lieutenant Governor of Wisconsin is a smoldering beauty who sadly got married and had children before I could vote myself and send a diamond encrusted ballot. As the second in command to Governor Scott Walker, she is at the forefront of the battle to subdue the rabid, frothing unions. They are low and crass while she remains high class.×768.jpg

1.) Tzipi Hotovely

This Israeli legislator should change her name to “Simply So Lovely.” She belongs to Likud and really looks good. She may be the hottest conservative Jewish brunette on Earth. She came to Los Angeles, and left without me getting a chance to propose to her. Now she may never know that I am adding my name to the billions of men who want her. She is so hot that even Palesimian men put down their rocket launchers and try to launch themselves in her direction.

She is the Top Conservative Republican Yummy Bouncy of 2011.

The women on this list all have something in common besides being hot. They have never let me touch, smell, or taste them. I may have been allowed to look at them. Because they are hot, I listen to all of them.

These are the Top 120 Political Yummy Bouncies of 2011.

As for any Republican Jewish brunettes who let me enjoy their yummy bouncies this calendar year, thank you very much.

Now to sleep and to dream about about them while counting them. 4…8…12…zzzzz


My Interview With An Anthony Weiner Staffer

Monday, June 20th, 2011

In the hours before Congressman Anthony Weiner resigned, I interviewed one of his former staffers. This person is not a partisan gunslinger and does not seem to have a personal grudge against the Congressman.

My interview with the staffer can be found at the Washington Times Communities.

Barring any further actual news concerning this topic, it is time for this blog to get back to hard news and real politics. That will take place Wednesday. Tuesday will be my annual list of the hottest 30 women in politics, or what I call the Top 120 Political Yummy Bouncies. Send your recommendations as quickly as possible since the list is still being finalized at this moment.


Father’s Day 2011

Sunday, June 19th, 2011

Father’s Day 2011 has me far away from my family. My parents are in South Florida. I am on a night flight from Salt Lake City, Utah to my home in Los Angeles.

At some point there will be a phone call. It will be short, because my dad is a man of few words on the telephone. I think he gets that from his father. I remember calling my grandfather once a week, usually on a Tuesday.

The conversation consisted of “How are you feeling?,” How is the weather?,” and “I love you.” Yet as much as he disliked talking on the telephone, he would worry if I did not call.

Like my grandfather, my dad has had a hard life. He entered this world under nightmarish circumstances. His health has never been good. My mom insists that there was a time when my dad was a happy, healthy man brimming with optimism. I do not remember those days.

It is tough to be optimistic about life when you can’t be healthy. He sometimes coughs constantly. The doctors could never figure out why.

Despite having open heart surgery twice, all he wanted out of life was to be able to enjoy his fishing and read his books. Now his eyesight is not so good, and once again the doctors cannot seem to be able to figure out what is wrong. To not be able to read a book for him is tough. He can still go fishing, but when the weather is bad he cannot do that.

I worry because I remember how it ended for my grandfather. My grandfather lived until age 100. I saw him three months before he died. He was fine. What did him in was a brutally cold weather in New York in 2004. His one pleasure was sitting outside with his friends in the park. Yet that one cold winter prevented him from going outside. With nothing to do, and unable to leave the apartment, dementia set in.

My father does not have dementia. He has a sharp mind. Yet he is not 100. He is only 70. Yet it is so incredibly frustrating to be alive but unable to do things.

He has his hearing and his arms and legs. I just hope the doctors fix his eyes. I had laser surgery and my eyes are better than ever. Yet his are worse than ever. I wish I could share my newfound sight with him.

In some ways my dad is one of the luckiest men on Earth. He has things some people never have in this world.

He has been married to my mom for 46 years. They are very happy together. Their closest friends are my de facto aunt and uncle, and that friendship has also been several decades.

My dad has so many people who care about him. So did my grandfather.

My dad would really like to see me married with kids, and I certainly would like that. Yet I am at peace with this not occurring. He is not. It worries me that the one thing I want my dad to have…inner peace…he may never have while he is alive.

On more than one occasion he has said “my race is run.” Yet the rest of the family wants him to stay around. We just want him not to suffer so much.

Some people never know who their fathers are. Other people have distant memories. So of course I am grateful for still having my dad. I just wish something could be done to improve his quality of life.

I ask him if he is feeling better, and he says “I am not going to get better.”

I had not anticipated such a bleak train of thought on what should be a day of joy, but my Father’s Day will be spent just praying for my dad. I hope he has more good days than bad days. I just wish somehow, some way, he could just for a few moments experience what it is like to be healthy. He may never stop coughing, but at least if he could just have his eyes back to read his books, that would be something.

My mom will be with him, and that will have to be enough.

As for me, I just pray.

Dad, I love you. I wish you much better health, and much better days ahead.


My presidential exploration

Saturday, June 18th, 2011

A few weeks ago I made a presidential announcement. That is not the same as a presidential decision. The announcement is just that I am thinking about running for the White House.

I can now say that I have reached the presidential exploration stage.

This is still not a decision, but it is more than an announcement.

This is not the same as an actual exploratory committee. I can’t stand committees. The only thing worse than committees themselves are committee meetings. When I want to accomplish nothing, I have a meeting.

I have been meeting with people around the country. I was in Montana yesterday and am in Utah today. I have met with delegates in South Carolina and will be meeting delegates in Iowa and New Hampshire in the days to come.

Now keep in mind that I still hate meetings, and much of these meetings was me selling them copies of my book. Handshakes were involved. Some of the meetings had finger foods and others involved knives and forks.

I know that if I ran I would win. This is because I am not grassroots. For those who do not know, when anybody tells you they are grassroots, it means they have no support whatsoever. The myth of grassroots is that you tell 10 people and they tell 10 and then it becomes exponential. What really happens is out of 10 people, 8 show up for free stuff and forget about you. The other two just forget about you while rejecting your free stuff.

So people who come to my rallies will get nothing. I will not give away candy, chocolate, or even bumper stickers. I want your money. Therefore, giving you free stuff makes no sense. you are supposed to give your stuff to me.

In the coming weeks I will make an official decision on whether or not to seek the White House. I am leaning either in favor of or against it depending on which way the wind is blowing.

What I do know is that not one poll has showed me as beatable…not one.

I have skipped the early debates because as a top tier contender, I can. I have the luxury of waiting.

So now that I have made my announcement, a decision will come. For now, the exploration stage is where my presidential campaign is.

I would consult with my consultants, because that is what people do with consultants. That is why they are called consultants. However, I don’t have any. Ever since the movie “Office Space,” I have found consultants to be overrated. The only thing more useless than consultants are highly paid consultants.

I do not have a pollster because I don’t need a pollster to tell me how I am doing. I am fantastic, thank you very much.

The media has been leaving me alone because they know better. There will not be any gotcha interviews. I am not doing interviews.

Anyway, exploration is similar to contemplation, so if any of you see me poolside or in the Jacuzzi, I am not in a state of contemplation. I am in a state of exploration.

This concludes my current presidential update. I will let you all know when the decision is reached. For now, feel free to come say hello on my exploration tour…provided you buy my book.


Anthony Weiner Resigns–Epilogue

Friday, June 17th, 2011

Anthony Weiner has finally thrown in the towel and resigned from Congress.

People do not remember how a person enters. They remember how the person leaves.

For the first time since the scandal broke, Mr. Weiner got it right. His exit was classy and dignified.

Very few people have hammered Mr. Weiner as much as I have, but his exit speech struck the appropriate tone.

Holding a farewell press conference was the right thing to do. The easy way out would have been to have faxed or emailed a statement. That would have been gutless. Had he just posted something on Twitter, that would have subjected him to more jokes. He faced the people, and said what he had to say.

As for the hecklers disrupting his speech shouting things such as “pervert,” that was disgusting. The man has been humiliated enough, and even he deserved much better than that. The hecklers deserve condemnation for their behavior and remarks. This was not a Town Hall, and even if it was that behavior would be unacceptable.

For those on the left looking to gain political points by saying “That is how conservatives act,” knock it off. We have no idea who the heckler is, and whether he is a political activist or just some dumb kid having fun in a dreadfully inappropriate way.

As for Mr. Weiner, my biggest complaint with him has been his lack of class. Yet at his farewell (for now) conference he was gracious. Therefore, he deserves graciousness in return.

What I really wanted him to say is something that he will never say, which is why I dislike the guy so much. He cannot bring himself to apologize to the many political opponents he has abused. He apologized to his family and constituents, but he never apologized to others he has hurt just because they disagreed with him.

Yet he did come close, and close will have to do. He stated that Democrats and Republicans in this country were all patriots, and that we are all trying to make this a better country. For him, that is a significant statement. Perhaps other liberals will pay attention to those words and stop demonizing conservatives, but that is too much to ask.

For those who want to pile on, let it go. He has resigned. It’s over. As long as he stays out of the public eye, leave him be. For those who want to continue to pour it on, just think how you would feel if the very worst possible scenarios took place. It is nightmarish to even contemplate, but I am throwing it out because it is better that people think about things that never happen than tragedies that do occur.

What if, God forbid, Anthony Weiner were to take his own life?

This is not crazy. So many men have their entire self worth wrapped up in their careers. Mr. Weiner is obsessed with his career. He is still a relatively young man with decades of life ahead of him. Yet if for even a brief moment he has contemplated quitting the fight, he must not give in to those thoughts. Human life has value, and that includes his. Out of the ashes can come a better life, and nobody wants to feel guilty over having pushed a man over the edge.

I hope the man saves his marriage and ends up a good husband and father. Yet what the child is never born?

I have no idea what is going on in Huma Abedin’s head. Yet what if she decides to have an abortion either to punish him or out of genuine despair? Whatever one’s views on abortion (mine remain undisclosed so stop guessing), it would be sad if this child were not born solely due to heartbreak or anger. This child could be the miracle child that brings Mr. Weiner closer to his wife and makes him a better person.

I have no idea what level of religiosity Mr. Weiner possesses, but that is his private business. If he decides to seek solace in religion, that could be something positive. Some people use religion as a cover, but others truly do become better people when surrendering themselves to a higher power. A pair of recent American presidents credited their faith with helping them overcome addictions to sex and alcohol, respectively.

Mr. Weiner does have a temper, and perhaps time in seclusion will help him confront his inner demons and become a calmer person. All the money and power in the world will not bring a man inner peace.

As for why I care about what happens to Mr. Weiner as a person, it is because he and I share a bond. We are both Jewish. I he were non-Jewish I would still wish him well at this point, but his faith does matter. Jewish people learn a song at Summer Camp that gives clear instruction.

“To love your fellow Jew…just the same as you…that’s the basis of our holy Torah.”

I may not like Anthony. For the most part I can’t stand the guy. Yet he is still my brother, and I absolutely am my brother’s keeper. We all have relatives we do not like. They are still part of the family unless they engage in deliberate malice.

Anthony Weiner is a flawed person. So what? We all are.

He had a human failing. Humans fail. It is what makes us human. The key test is how we respond to our failures. Anybody can enjoy life when everything is going well.

Mr. Weiner was my political opponent. He was not my enemy. My frustration with him was inability to distinguish these categories. Perhaps now he will. I know the difference, which is why I am morally required to do what everybody should do at a time like this.

We may internally say “good riddance,” but we should show the same class he did at his press conference and just wish him well.

Good luck Mr. Weiner.

Shalom. Be well.


President Obama and the War Powers Act

Thursday, June 16th, 2011

So when Congressman Weiner was asked what he thought about the War Powers Act…

Just kidding. Ok, now that the gratuitous reference to drive blog traffic is done, a couple of quick housekeeping notes.

This is a big weekend for me. Today I have an early morning flight from Los Angeles to Salt Lake City, Utah and then on to Butte, Montana. Thurday evening I am speaking at the Montana GOP State Convention. This is their kickoff event. Then on Friday I fly back to Salt Lake to speak at the Utah GOP State Convention at their kickoff event.

I have never been to either state for business, and I have never been to Montana ever. So the excitement is palpable. New friends and adventure awaits.

Now on to business. I have been meaning to write about Barack Obama and his violation of the War Powers Act for some time now. However, if I wrote a blog post every time Mr. Obama violated the Constitution, I would not have time for anything else.

This is a tough one for me to wrap my warm, fuzzy tygrrrr paws around. Like everything else, intellectual honesty has to come first.

Should I care that he is violating the WPA? Absolutely. Do I? Not really.

It’s a terrible law and should be repealed.

Now this does not mean I condone violating the law. I am the last person to say that we should ignore laws we dislike. Yet that does not mean I am required to get worked up over every violation.

If George W. Bush were pulling this, would I lose sleep? No. I would still wish he was obeying the law, but I would just ignore the story and hope it went away.

This would not happen because the left would be howling with indignation.

That is the story with this. once again, leftist hypocrites have proven that they stand for absolutely nothing.

Of course Obama is pushing the envelope. All executives do this, although perhaps not to the degree he does. It is the responsibility of this with the power to check and balance to do their jobs.

Mr. Boehner is pushing back. Yet where is the media? Where are the anti-war slobs with their badly spelled signs? At least the Ron Paul supporters are consistent. I disagree with them but at least they stand for something on this issue.

Going into Libya was the right thing to do. I supported Mr. Obama doing so. He should have just taken a predator drone, shoved it up Khadafi’s hide until he went to the toilet red, white, and blue, and been done with it.

Instead Mr. Obama decided to “lead from behind,” as if NATO and the French have accomplished anything worth discussing. They may be useful compared to the UN, but that does not say much.

So Mr. Khadafi is still in power and Bashar Assad in Syria has realized he can kill hundreds of his own people with no repercussions. The entire world knows that “sanctions” is code for doing nothing.

So while the Obama foreign policy has been a complete failure, some good can come out of this.

Mr. Boehner can put Mr. Obama into a box by forcing him to choose between two options that both help Republicans. He can threaten to keep hammering Mr. Obama on the issue day after day until the president caves. The president will cave because he always does. Unless the issue is healthcare, education, or the environment/energy, he does not care. He will cave. His goal is to get reelected, and he does not need distractions. Everything except his three pet issues are a distraction.

The second option is sneaky, devious, and somehow legal. In short, it is perfect for a member of Congress. Mr. Boehner should very quietly in some arcane bill dealing with boll weevils or 18th century Russian literature sneak a rider in repealing the War Powers Act. Mr. Obama can quietly sign it. After all, he can feign ignorance. We have to find out what is in the bills, and the only way to do that is to pass them. The Pelosiraptor taught us that.

The president has no interest in respecting the rule of law. He claims he is obeying the law, but then again he claims everything he does is noble and virtuous.

Republicans have to think long-term. We can be hypocritical and try to enforce a law that most Republicans hate anyway. Or we can kill it with help from a liberal president. Then when Republicans are back in the White House, they can actually bring back an adult foreign policy that involves less @ss kissing and more @ss kicking.

Mr. Obama, I am thoroughly disappointed in you to the point that I am almost fazed. As for civil libertarians and other anti-war activists, the entire world knows you are full of garbage. It is like you almost wish the Republicans were in the White House so that your carping and complaining would be legal again. Having Obama make you look like imbeciles is the equivalent of the NFL Lockout. You just can’t stand lacking a meaningful message that anybody cares about.


Boston Bruins–2011 NHL Champs

Wednesday, June 15th, 2011

Again, America reigns supreme over the Scourge of the North.

The Boston Bruins defeated the Vancouver Canucks in a less than epic game 7. The first 6 games were all by the home team, but Boston won a big game 7 on the road. Like America itself, they fought the battle to the enemy before the enemy could take it to us. Patton would have been proud.

I could not name a single player on either team, although I did briefly know who the goalies were.

The point is the Americans beat the Canadians.

I have nothing against the Canadian people for the most part, but 1993 was a year that will live in sports infamy. The Canadiens defeated the LA Kings and the Blue Jays defeated the Atlanta Braves. I will even mention the Canadian cities because it still stings.

In 1994 the New York Rangers won one of the greatest Stanley Cups of all time by beating the Canucks.

Yet on 2002…on American soil of all places…the Salt Lake City Olympics…the Canadians smacked around America in the Gold Medal game.

June 11th of 2004 featured game 6 between Calgary and Tampa. Calgary led 3 games to 2. Yet this was Ronald Reagan’s death anniversary, and there was no way America was going to lose. Tampa won in overtime and then won game 7.

The Mighty Ducks showed the might of America, as have other teams.

A friend of mine points out that most of the players in the league are Canadians, but that is irrelevant. We root for the uniforms.

My friend also pointed out that Boston is full of liberals while Canada has the conservative government of Stephen Harper. That is irrelevant since the politics of Vancouver may not reflect Harper. I do not mix my sports and politics.

So for those wanting coverage of the game and the series, go find a hockey blog.

For all others, just know that while Massachusetts may be the worst state in America, it is still better than Canada, far better than France, and forever better than Quebec and any other French Canadian monstrosity.

All hail the Americans. This is not the Canadian century. Not this year.

Good job Bruins.


Why Anthony Weiner Matters

Wednesday, June 15th, 2011

At the Washington Times today, I explain why the Anthony Weiner saga actually matters, and why he may be going down while more those committing more serious acts survived.

eric aka the Tygrrrr Express

Election 2012: CNN still despises Republicans

Tuesday, June 14th, 2011

My column today at the Washington Times Communities is a confirmation that based on the debate last night, CNN still despises Republicans.

“This…is CNN.”


The Anthony Weiner Movie

Monday, June 13th, 2011

When a Jewish person dies, we sit “Shiva” (mourn) for seven days. Yet Jewish celebrations such as Hanukkah and Passover last eight. So while the Anthony Weiner story is manna from Heaven for conservative bloggers everywhere, at some point it is time to move on (not dot org).

There are plenty of news stories to cover. However, when  liberal says “let’s just move on,” that is just a way of silencing conservatives. Luckily they do not get to decide the topics of this blog. I am the decider.

With a CNN presidential debate coming up, Newt Gingrich and Antonio Villagairosa speaking to different Jewish groups across the political spectrum, and the world still on fire with the economy cratering, all good things must come to an end. That end is coming very near.

For today, here is the cast of the Anthony Wiener movie, eventually to be “released.”


Anthony Weiner: Jon Stewart.

Only one man is truly smarmy enough to play Anthony Weiner, and that is his good friend Jon Stewart. Stewart fits the profile perfectly. They are about the same age, both have decent enough dark hair, and both make their living spreading ideological bigotry. They are both elitist leftist snobs from New York. When somebody yells the word “Jew,” Stewart runs and ducks for cover lest he be associated with or seen as one. Stewart fits into this role like a comfortable pair of used gym trunks. I can even picture him and Andy playing racquetball together and exchanging sweaty gym shorts together so they can take in each other’s power.

Huma Abedin: Queen Noor from Jordan (King Hussein’s widow): There is very little to say about Ms. Abedin. She is an innocent victim, and undeserving of any jokes at her expense. A smart, beautiful woman should be played by one and that is that.

Anthony’s Wiener: Despite the congressman’s braggadocio, a prosthetic should be used. They should get the one previously used in “Boogie Nights” by Dirk Diggler, aka Mark Wahlberg. That movie did have a Best Supporting Actor nomination, but it went to Burt Reynolds, not the prosthetic.

Bill Clinton: John Travolta…again. Travolta did a good job in “Primary Colors” after Tom Hanks turned down the role due to discomfort over the nature of the character.

Hillary Clinton: Joy Behar. One angry, repulsive, nasty left turn deserves another. These women who hate conservative women while wearing the mantle of feminism are sisters in (hopefully covered) arms. They both talk tough, whether it is Hillary dealing with Iran or Behar with Palin. In both cases, the tough liberal rhetoric is an empty oxymoron. They speak loudly and say nothing. Unite them.

Debbie Wasserman-Schultz: An upside down floor mop with ping pong eyeballs attached. Forget that she should use her overly generous congressional salary to buy and use a comb. I have bad hair days as well. This woman is hideous on the inside. Given that this is a movie about a left-wing bully who also has a tad of self-loathing Jew in him, DWS fits in perfectly with the script. Maybe she can do a J-Street soliloquy since that organization, like Anthony Weiner, has been caught with its pants down and exposed raw. Neither was a pretty picture.

Chris Matthews: Lassie. He speaks in a tone that is inaudible to those who do not possess the ability to her shrillness. He barks at people in his own style that maybe only Timmy can understand.

Rachel Maddow: Janet Napolitano (obviously). Janet Reno could fill in as well. For those who need further elaboration, please do your own research.

John Kerry: Either Lurch or the Kentucky Derby Winner. To reduce expenses for this movie, Kerry and Wasserman-Schultz can share a feedbag.

Al Gore: An oak tree or James Woods. Actually, give the charisma of the Goracle, let’s stick with the tree theme and go with Tiger Woods. Both Al Gore and Tiger Woods were accused of out of control sexual behavior, causing people to express shock that either of these men had ever had sex with anybody. When a man is a billionaire, women force themselves to stay awake no matter how bored they are.

Eliot Spitzer: Tom Everett Scott. He was fantastic on Law and Order as Spitzer clone Governor Donald Shalvoy. Maybe Sam Waterston can show up and give one of his pompous, self-righteous speeches. Mr. Everett Scott also appeared in “That thing you do,” which could be the subtitle of the Anthony Weiner movie.

The 40 year old blackjack dealer: Amy Fisher. The Long Island Lolita now does pornography for a living. Joey Buttafuoco could appear as himself, since somebody will need to make this a politically liberal movie by making the Weiner dog look sympathetic. Joey and Amy sure do that. Weiner has not gotten anybody shot yet.

The 26 year old single mom: Courtney Cox. Her last name makes her necessary for this movie. After all, the real woman thought that she and the Congressman were just “Friends.”

Given that her character Monica Geller eventually married Chandler Bing, Matthew Perry could play the lead role if Jon Stewart decides to bow out. Perry is a liberal who has done stints in rehab for his own demons. This could make him similar to Weiner, but then again it also could make him like every other actor in Hollywood.

Andrew Breitbart: Himself, although the liberal media would probably pick somebody like Donald Sutherland.

James O’Keefe: Himself, although the liberal media would probably pick either Mark Zuckerberg or the Stephen Colbert imitation Jesse Eisenberg.

Donald Trump: Either himself or Darrell Hammond.

Barack Obama: God as voiced by Chris Matthews. He will be a whiny, effeminate God.

Ed Schultz: Bob Beckel

Bob Beckel: Ed Schultz

After all, aren’t all angry white men the same? We heard that in 1994 when the GOP took over. Let’s see if every fat white guy is interchangeable when the left is being discussed.

Charles Rangel: Video clips of the late Redd Foxx. Ol’ Charlie is a criminal to some, but many liberals just see him as a lovable rascal. Besides, any excuse to show Redd Foxx is fine by me.

There you have it folks. The Anthony Weiner movie will be coming to a theatre near you. The preview consists of a fake stint in rehab to hide out and hope the media gets bored of a sexual deviant who refuses to leave.

Turn off all cellphones, and enjoy the concession stands. Slurpees and nuts are half price.