Archive for 2008

Thrill and Danger in the Desert

Monday, February 4th, 2008

Wow! What a thriller of a Superbowl.

For those expecting a Superbowl recap, you will have to wait until Saturday. You shouldn’t have missed the game anyway. Life is about adventure, and sometimes my adventures are more harrowing than what takes place on the field.

At 4:30pm on Saturday, I made a decision to go to the Superbowl. I have watched them on tv with millions of people, but never been to one. 50 years from now, when I have grandchildren, and they are watching clips of Eli Manning and “the scramble,” I will tell them that the day the Giants shocked the world…I was there.

Yet life after the Superbowl was not good. First of all, I could not even get a plane ticket home from Phoenix to Los Angeles. I was going to have to fly into Long Beach, which meant my cab ride would be exorbitant. Compared to the price of Superbowl tickets, I could live with this. What I did not factor into my flight home was the fact that parts of Arizona never change their clocks. Half of the year, LA and Phoenix are exactly the same time. This time of year, Phoenix is one hour ahead.

This meant that kickoff was after 4pm, not 3pm. That meant that there was no way to make my outbound flight, and there were no other flights. So I decided to drive all the way back to LA, a 5 hour drive according to what people told me. Yet this was an inconvenience. Trying to get to my car was a nightmare.

I was one of the last people to leave the stadium, since I wanted to soak up every ounce of Superbowl memory. Had I walked with others to my car, it would have been fine. I walked alone, and I could not find my car. I did not park at the stadium. I parked at the local high school, which was near the stadium. Yet the people who told me where the high school was located were wrong. I walked back and forth for what must have been 3 or 4 miles. In an awful development, I learned that there were two high schools. They were both near each other, but on opposite sides of the stadium.

I called Hertz, and they told me that even though the car had a GPS tracker, they could not locate the car using that device. I was always under the impression that if a car is lost or stolen, they can find it. Perhaps Hertz just did not care. I even knocked on the doors of complete strangers at night, begging and pleading for directions.

My situation was desperate, and realizing that I was on the street in a city I knew nothing about late at night caused me to do the one thing that I did not want to do. I called 911.

Some may say calling 911 in this type of situation is extreme, but I literally felt like I was going to die on the streets of Phoenix. The police officer from the Glendale Police Department said I did the right thing by calling him, and that he would help me. He was very reassuring. Some people may dislike cops (which I don’t), but boy was I glad when he showed up. I explained to him that I clearly remembered the location of the car with regards to being across the street from a sign that had the name of the high school. I could not remember which high school, so he asked me which exit I came off of from the freeway to begin with.

He put my stuff in the back of his car, and after patting me down and making sure I had no weapons on me, he let me ride in the front of the squad car so I would only feel like an imbecile, and not a criminal. He said, “If you have to ride in a squad car as a civilian, this is the way to do it.” We went back on the freeway, looped around, and then I clearly saw the sign. I was at the wrong high school earlier, and 3 miles from where my car was. When I saw my own car I felt relieved, and after putting my stuff in the car, I asked the officer if I could give him a hug. He said yes.

It turns out the guy was a Charger fan, but his duty to help allowed him to save the life of a member of the Raider Nation. I told him that I would root for the Chargers to go 14-2 next year, provided they lose to the Raiders. He laughed. He waited for me to make sure my car would start. It did, and the GPS tracker told me I had 368 miles to go to reach Los Angeles. It was now 12:20am.

For legal reasons I cannot confirm or deny how fast I was driving on the way home, but if I had been pulled over, I would have just thanked the officer for saving my life. I will be sending a thank you note to the officer from Glendale, Arizona.

The only people on the road were truckers and me. I have always liked truckers, and have always loved the movie Smokey and the Bandit. Before getting into that trilogy, it seems that every song on the radio deal with driving.

“Life is a highway…I’m gonna ride it all night long.”

“Been driving all night, my hands wet on the wheel.”

“Here I go again on my own…going down the only road I’ve ever known.”

At least I didn’t have to hear a depressing song, “Who’s gonna drive you home tonight.”

Yet when the radio station went fuzzy, not a good thing on long drives, it was the Smokey and the Bandit trilogy that sustained me. I was “Westboun and Down.” Yet instead of hauling illegal liquor from Atlanta to Texas, I was hauling my own tired self from Phoenix to Los Angeles. The Bandit Express was now the Tygrrrr Express.

“You heard about the Legend of Jesse James…John Henry just to mention some names…well there’s a driving legend in the west today…A man called Tygrrrr from L.A. CA. Every gear jammer knows his name…they say he’s got ice water running through his veins…foot like lead…and nerves of steel…gonna go to glory riding 18 wheels”

Nerves of steel not counting my near death and frayed nerves on the streets of Phoenix. Once in the car, I was calm.

“I hit California in a driving rain…so hard I couldn’t even see the passing lane…started to shift when I lost a gear…hit the breaks, found they had no air…the road ahead was steep and long, and everybody who saw it, thought the Tygrrrr was gone.

My wheels jacknifed turned completely round, I was going down backwards bout the speed of sound. Alot of folks seen it, but they all say, you better head out, better clear the way…well I got to the bottom…safe and sound…everybody asked ‘Tygrrrr, how’d you make it down,’ I said ‘folks when the wheels picked up too much speed, I just run along beside it and drug my feet.’

You heard the legend of Jesse James…John Henry just to mention some names…There’s a driving legend in the west today…a man called Tygrrrr from L.A. CA…Every gearjammer knows his name…they say he’s got icewater running through his veins…foot like lead, nerves of steel…gonna go to glory riding 18 wheels.”

Hey, at least it was better than driving songs such as Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “The smell of death,” and Golden Earring’s “Twilight Zone (although Radar Love was cited earlier).”

“Westbound and Down, loaded up and trucking…we’re gonna do what they say can’t be done…we gotta long way to go, and a short time to get there…westbound, for another Tygrrrr run. Put your foot hard on the pedal…son never mind them breaks…let it all hang out cause we got a run to make…”

Snowman: Hey Bandit, why are we doing this?

Bandit: Why not?

Snowman: They said it couldn’t be done.

Bandit: That’s the reason son.

Snowman: That’s good with Fred. we’re clear.

“If I keep it on the ground, when I put that hammer down…I’ll be Cali bound and flying…I’ve got my tin in the wind, let it all hang out again…how you gonna win if you aint trying.”

The Tygrrrr Express made its way through the desert, and eventually I did figure out how to work the windshield wipers. Arizona was easy, but I even managed to miss an exit in Los Angeles, where I have lived since 1990. I ended up downtown, adding 30 minutes.

“Hear that roar of thunder…hear those wild screams…every boy’s hero…every lady’s dream…flying down the highway headed west…in a streak of black lightning, called the Tygrrrr Express…

Look out the Tygrrrr’s prowling…look out the Tygrrrr’s growling…look out the Tygrrrr’s on the move…Look out the Tygrrrr’s growling, get your money and warn the women…tell the others they can all take a rest…cause they’ll never catch the Tygrrrr Express.”

I made it back to my bed at 5:30am, but thanks to that time zone thing that had vexed me earlier, it was only 4:30am. I made it to work, at least physically.

Yes, the young antihero of this blog who occasionally puts the Super in Superbowl is back at home, safe and sound.

So tell the others all to take a rest…cause they’ll never catch the Tygrrrr Express.

eric

Roaring at Superbowl XLII In Phoenix!

Sunday, February 3rd, 2008

Roaring at Superbowl XLII in Phoenix!

Superbowl History

Saturday, February 2nd, 2008

The NFL (National Football League) began playing in the 1920s. In 1960 an upstart league known as the AFL (American Football League) came into existence. A war broke out between the two leagues, and the teams agreed in 1966 to start playing a game at the end of the year between the best team in each league. That game would eventually be known as the Superbowl. The leagues merged in 1970, forming the modern NFL. The NFL teams formed the NFC (National Football Conference), and the AFL formed the AFC (American Football Conference). Below is the history of football in the modern era.

1966–The Green Bay Packers defeated the Dallas Cowboys in the NFL Title game 34-27, when the Packers intercepted a pass in the end zone as time ran out. The Kansas City Chiefs were the AFL champions, and they and the Packers met in Super Bowl I. The Packers were heavy favorites, and their Coach Vince Lombardi did not want to lose to what he considered a Mickey Mouse League. Although the Packers only led 14-10 at the half, a key interception broke the game open, and the Packers crushed Kansas City in the second half. 35-10 Packers

1967–The Packers again defeated the Cowboys in the NFL Title Game. The game was known as the Ice Bowl, since the game was played in 13 degrees below zero weather. Down 17-14, on the last play of the game, from the one yard line, the Packers went for the win instead of the tie, partly due to the cold. Bart Starr followed Jerry Kramer’s block, and the Packers won 21-17. They played the Raiders in Superbowl II. The game was only 13-7 in the second quarter, but a fumbled punt set up a Green Bay field goal before the half. Like the previous year, the Packers romped in the second half, including Herb Adderly’s interception return for a touchdown. It was the 5th Packer championship in 7 years, and their second Superbowl win. Vince Lombardi, who the trophy is now named for, retired after the game. 33-14 Packers

1968–With Lombardi retired, the Packers were done. The Baltimore Colts represented the NFL. The New York Jets, led by Broadway Joe Namath, defeated the Raiders 27-23 in the AFL Title game for the right to play in Superbowl III. The Colts were 18 point favorites, and Joe Namath angered the Colts and his own teammates by saying, “We’re going to win. I guarantee it.” The world laughed, but on the second play of the game, Colts defensive star Rick Volk went out with an injury. Running back Matt Snell carried 30 times following left tackle Winston Hill. Colts quarterback Earl Morrall was intercepted four times. The Jets led 16-0 in the fourth quarter, when injured legend Johnny Unitas replaced Morrall. It was too little, too late. The Jets had shocked the world. The AFL was no longer an inferior league. 16-7 Jets

1969–The Minnesota Vikings represented the NFL. The Chiefs were the best AFL team. Although the Vikings were favored in Superbowl IV, The Chiefs smothered them. Len Dawson was calm at quarterback, and the Kansas City defense was relentless. Kicker Jan Stenerud added three field goals, as the Chiefs raced to a 16-0 lead and never looked back. The AFL had tied the NFL at two Superbowls apiece. The leagues merged the next year. 23-7 Chiefs

1970–The Cowboys finally got to the Superbowl, representing the NFC. The AFC team was represented by the old NFL team the Colts from two years earlier. Superbowl V was known as the Blunder Bowl, with the teams combining for 11 turnovers. Dallas led 13-6, and were one yard away from a 14 point lead. They fumbled the ball away. Still leading 13-6, an intercepted pass set up the tying touchdown late in the game. Another interception set up Jim Obrien for a 32 yard field goal to win the game. Rookie kicker Obrien had an extra point blocked earlier, but his kick was good, and the Colts had won at the buzzer. This was the only Superbowl where the MVP played for the losing team, that being defensive player Chuck Howley. 16-13 Colts

1971–The Cowboys got back again, and the AFC was represented by the Miami Dolphins. The Cowboys were heavy favorites, and Superbowl VI was the only game where the losing team failed to score a single touchdown. Miami Coach Don Shula was also the coach for the Colts in their shocking loss to the Jets three years earlier. Tom Landry had yet to become a Dallas legend. The game was uneventful, as Dallas coasted. 24-3 Cowboys

1972–Superbowl VII had the Washington Redskins representing the NFC, with the Dolphins again representing the AFC. The Dolphins were unbeaten, and looking to make history. The Dolphins led 14-0 late in the game, when a field goal attempt to lock up the game went awry. The kick was blocked, and kicker Garo Yopremian tried to pick it up and throw it. It was picked out of the air by Mike Bass, who returned it 49 yards for a touchdown for the Redskins. They did get the ball back, but went nowhere. This was the first Superbowl where the offense for the losing team did not score at all. The Miami Dolphins remain the only team in the history of the NFL to get through a season unbeaten, finishing 17-0. Every year when the last team to lose a game does so, members of the 1972 Dolphins pop champagne corks. 14-7 Dolphins

1973–Superbowl VIII featured the defending Superbowl champion Dolphins against the NFC champion Vikings. The game was a blowout, as the Dolphins ran 20 first quarter plays to only three for Minnesota. Miami led 14-0 at that point, and due to the running of Mercury Morris, Larry Csonka, and Jim Kiick, Miami only threw the ball seven times. Miami won back to back titles, and the Vikings became the first team to lose two of them. 24-7 Dolphins

1974–Superbowl IX had the Minnesota Vikings in their 3rd Superbowl. The Dolphins were finally knocked out in an epic game with the Raiders 28-26 in the “Sea of Hands” game. For three straight years, the AFC Title game between the Raiders and the Pittsburgh Steelers was more epic than the Superbowl. In 1972, The Steelers defeated the Raiders in the “Immaculate Reception” game. In 1973 the Raiders throttled the Steelers. Both teams lost to the Dolphins. This year they were the big dogs. In Oakland, after 3 quarters, the Raiders led 10-3. They collapsed in the 4th quarter, as Pittsburgh exploded for 21 points and a 24-13 win. The Superbowl had the Purple People Eaters vs the Steel Curtain. It was all defense. The first half features only a safety and a 2-0 Steelers lead. A fumbled kickoff return to start the second half produced a Pittsburgh touchdown run by Franco Harris. Minnesota’s only touchdown came on a blocked punt. The extra point was no good. Pittsburgh led 9-6. Terry Bradshaw led the Steelers on the only real drive for either team of the entire game. 70 yards and much clock led to the final touchdown and Pittsburgh’s first title. The Vikings had lost their 3rd. 16-6 Steelers

1975–The Cowboys defeated the Vikings 17-14 in a very controversial NFC Title game. The AFC Title Game again featured the Raiders and Steelers. In ice cold Pittsburgh, the Steelers led 3-0 after 3 quarters. The offenses did get going, but the Raiders had their final drive end at the 5 yard line as the clock ran out. Pittsburgh prevailed 16-10. Superbowl X had the Cowboys leading 10-7 after 3 quarters. Early in the 4th, a blocked punt for a safety cut the gap to 10-9. Momentum swung, and Pittsburgh led 21-10 with time running out. Roger Staubach led the Cowboys to within 4 points, but his Hail Mary on the final play of the game was intercepted in the end zone. 21-17 Steelers

1976–The Vikings reached their 4th Superbowl. For the third straight year, the Raiders and Steelers met in the AFC Title game. The Raiders had the best record in the NFL at 13-1. The last week of the season, with home field advantage locked up, they could have lost their final game, rested their team, and eliminated Pittsburgh from playoff contention. By winning, Pittsburgh would be in. Many speculated the Raiders would lose to avoid Pittsburgh. This enraged the team, who throttled their final opponent, and demanded to face Pittsburgh. Oakland defeated New England 24-21, with 10 seconds remaining, to avenge their only loss of the season. They then finally beat Pittsburgh, destroying them 24-7. Superbowl XI was not close, with the image of cornerback Willie Brown returning an interception 75 yards for Oakland’s final touchdown. Minnesota lost their fourth Superbowl, and Oakland won their first. Owner Al Davis and coach John Madden finally reached the top. 32-14 Raiders

1977–The Raiders got back to the AFC Title Game for the 5th straight year, the only team to ever do so. They faced their archrival Denver Broncos, and the Broncos came out on top 20-17. The Cowboys represented the NFC in Superbowl XII. Bronco quarterback Craig Morton was the losing quarterback for Dallas in the 5th Superbowl. Roger Staubach led Dallas in their win the year later. Staubach won again, as Dallas cruised. It was their 4th Superbowl, and they had won and lost twice. 27-10 Cowboys

1978–Superbowl XIII had the Steelers back after a two year absence, against defending champion Dallas. This was the rematch of the Superbowl 3 years earlier. Pittsburgh led 21-14 when a short pass to a wide open Jackie Smith was dropped when he slipped and fell. Instead of the tying touchdown, a field goal cut the gap to 21-17, which was the score of their previous encounter. A pair of touchdowns 18 seconds apart put Pittsburgh up 35-17, and they hung on for a 4 point win for their 3rd Superbowl win. Dallas lost their 3rd Superbowl. Terry Bradshaw throwing bombs to Lynn Swann led to 4 catches for 164 yards. 35-31 Steelers.

1979–In the AFC Title game, Pittsburgh played the Houston Oilers for the second straight year. The previous year Pittsburgh won in a blowout, but this year it was a closer game. Houston thought they scored the tying touchdown, but it was ruled out of bounds. Pittsburgh won 27-13. The Los Angeles Rams, only 9-7 in the regular season, had won their division for the 7th straight year. In previous years they dominated, but could not get past Minnesota and Dallas. Superbowl XIV was supposed to be a Pittsburgh blowout, but the Rams led 19-17 after 3 quarters. Nevertheless, the Steelers took the lead, and sealed the game when Pat Haden was intercepted. The Steelers had their 4th Superbowl win in 6 years. 31-19 Steelers

1980–The AFC had all 5 playoff teams exactly at 11-5. The Oakland Raiders beat the Houston Oilers indoors, the Cleveland Browns 14-12 in the snow, and the San Diego Chargers in the rain, which slowed down the passing attack of “Air” Coryell and quarterback Dan Fouts. The Raiders were led by Jim Plunkett, who only a couple years ago was thought to be washed up. The owners of Oakland and San Diego hated each other, and Charger owner Gene Klein blamed Raider owner Al Davis for the rain, insisting that Davis hired a cropduster to seed the clouds. Davis has never denied this ludicrous assertion, because it burnishes his outlaw image. The NFC had 3 teams at 12-4, and the Cowboys defeated the Atlanta Falcons before falling to the Philadelphia Eagles. The Eagles defeated the Raiders 10-7 in the regular season, but Superbowl XV was revenge. Rod Martin had 3 interceptions, and Jim Plunkett showed his talent. A swing pass to Kenny King went for 80 yards and a touchdown, and the special teams blocked a field goal. The Raiders won their second Superbowl, and coach Tom Flores, who had replaced the retired Madden a year earlier, reached the top. From a cultural standpoint, it was the first win with a Mexican head coach and quarterback. 27-10 Raiders

1981–The NFC Title game was an epic battle between the Cowboys and the San Francisco 49ers, led by coach Bill Walsh and quarterback Joe Montana. In the final minute, Montana’s touchdown pass to Dwight Clark would forever be known as “The Catch.” The 49ers won 28-27 despite 6 turnovers. They played the Cincinnati Bengals in Superbowl XVI. The 49ers led 20-0 at the half. The Bengals cut the gap to 20-7 and then drove to the 49er one yard line. The 49ers then mounted an inspired goal line stand, with 4 plays gaining nothing. The Bengals did eventually cut the gap to 20-14, but a couple field goals by the 49ers put the game out of reach. The Bengals scored again with 17 seconds left, but could not recover the onsides kick. 26-21 Bengals

1982–A strike shortened season had the Cowboys reaching the NFC Title game for the 3rd straight year, with Danny White leading the team all three times. He was the team leader when Staubach retired. This year they played their hated rivals, the Redskins. For the 3rd straight year, the Cowboys lost. The Redskins faced the Miami Dolphins in Superbowl XVII in a rematch of the Superbowl 10 years earlier. With the Redskins trailing 17-13, Joe Theisman had his pass tipped, with a certain interception to put the Dolphins up by 11. At the last second, Theismann knocked the ball from the Miami “Killer Bs” defense for an incompletion. This kept the game within reach, and the Redskins took a 20-17 lead. Facing a 4th and 1 at the Miami 44, “The Diesel” John Riggins burst through and rumbled all the way for a touchdown to ice the game. It was the first Superbowl win for the Redskins, and the second loss for the Dolphins to even out their two wins. 27-17 Redskins

1983–The Redskins returned, and faced the Raiders, who were now located in Los Angeles. Earlier in the year, the Redskins defeated the Raiders 37-35 in a game for the ages. That game had a 99 yard touchdown pass from Plunkett to Cliff Branch, and a 97 yard punt return for a touchdown by Greg Pruitt. The Redskins led 20-7, and then the Raiders exploded for four touchdowns and a 35-20 lead. The Redskins then came back with a touchdown, a perfectly executed onsides kick, a field goal, and a final touchdown by Theismann to Joe Washington with 20 seconds remaining for the win. Only a missed field goal and a missed extra point during the season separated the Redskins from a 16-0 season. Superbowl XVIII was not close. Marcus Allen rushed for 191 yards, Plunkett threw a pair of touchdowns, and the Raiders scored on a blocked punt by Derrick Jensen, and an interception for a touchdown by Jack Squirek. The Redskins only touchdown was followed by the extra point being blocked. To quote Joe Theismann, “They handed us our @ss on the tray, and the tray was bent.” The Raiders won their 3rd Superbowl in 8 years, and the Redskins lost their second one. 38-9 Raiders.

1984–Dan Marino Shredded the NFL for 5084 yards in leading the Dolphins to a 14-2 record and the team’s second appearance in 3 years. Joe Montana led the 49ers to a 15-1 record and their second appearance. The Dolphins led Superbowl XIX 10-7 early on, but the 49ers took the game over. They led 28-10 when the Dolphins kicked a field goal before the half, recovered a fumble on the kickoff, and added another field goal before halftime. The second half was uneventful, as the 49ers shut down the Dolphins and extended their lead. San Francisco won their second Superbowl, and Miami lost their third Superbowl in 5 appearances. 38-16 49ers

1985–The Chicago Bears did their Super Bowl Shuffle, and their defense, led by Mike Singletary and Richard Dent, destroyed the league. Fiery coach Mike Ditka, with intense defensive coordinator Buddy Ryan, were unrelenting. Maverick quarterback Jim McMahon led the offense, with legendary running back Walter Payton leading the running game. William “The Refrigerator” Perry provided the entertainment. The New England Patriots won three road games, starting out by beating the Jets. They then shocked the Raiders and the Dolphins, who were both considered superior. The Dolphins were the only team to beat the 15-1 Bears that year. Perhaps neither the Raiders or Dolphins would have won the Superbowl that year, but they would not have been intimidated. The Patriots opened and closed the scoring in Superbowl XX, but the Bears had an avalanche of points inbetween. 46-10 Bears

1986–The New York Giants won an NFL Championship in 1956, and in 1958 lost “the greatest game ever played,” to the Colts. This was their first Superbowl. They played the Broncos, led by John Elway. The Broncos led Superbowl XXI 10-7, but a safety cut the gap to 10-9. Denver kicker Rich Karlis missed field goals of 23 and 34 yards, deflating the team. The Giants defense poured it on in the second half, led by Harry Carson, George Martin, and Lawrence Taylor. Phil Simms had a Superbowl record for accuracy, completing 22 of 25 passes. Head coach Bill Parcells became the victim of a new ritual that season that is now cliche. Harry Carson was guy behind the idea of dumping the Gatorade bucket on the coach’s head. It was a way of getting back at the often irascible Parcells. During the Superbowl, he nervously looked around for the bucket, but was ambushed anyway. This was also the first year that the MVP, in this case Simms, announced that he was going to Disneyland. 39-20 Giants

1987–In another strike season, the Redskins prevailed in the NFC, while the Broncos returned for the second straight year. Denver’s first play from scrimmage was a touchdown bomb, and at the end of the first quarter, the Broncos led 10-0. A blowout was shaping up in Superbowl XXII. It was a blowout, but not for Denver. Washington had the best quarter in Superbowl history, scoring 5 touchdowns, including 4 touchdown passes by Doug Williams. He was the first black quarterback to play in the Superbowl, and he flourished. Unheralded running back Timmy Smith, who only lasted 3 years in the league, rushed for 204 yards, a current record. A 10-0 deficit became a 35-10 Redskins lead at the half. The second half was uneventful, as Denver lost for the 3rd time, and Washington won their second Superbowl in 4 appearances. 42-10 Redskins

1988–After 11 games, the 49ers were only 6-5, having just taken a beating to the Raiders. Montana was sacked 8 times in the 9-3 loss. The 49ers regrouped, finished 10-6, reached the NFC Title Game, and shocked the heavily favored Bears 28-3. They faced the Bengals, who defeated the Bills in the AFC Title Game. This was a rematch of the Superbowl 7 years earlier. Superbowl XXIII had different leader, with Sam Wyche instead of Forrest Gregg as coach, and Boomer Anderson at quarterback instead of Ken Anderson. The 49ers still had Walsh and Montana. They also now had a receiver that would become a legend, Jerry Rice. The game was 3-3 at the half, and with 3 minutes left, the Bengals led 16-13. The 49ers were 92 yards away, and Joe Montana earned his icy cool reputation by relaxing his teammates. With all the pressure on him, he said to his team, “Hey, is that John Candy in the stands? Cool.” The team relaxed, and Montana threw a touchdown pass to John Taylor with 34 seconds left to win the game. Bill Walsh retired after the game, and the 49ers had their 3rd Superbowl win. The Bengals had lost their second one. Montana’s legacy was not done. 20-16 49ers

1989–The 49ers returned for their 4th appearance in 9 years, this time with a dominating 14-2 record. The Broncos returned for their 3rd appearance in 4 years. All 3 times they defeated the Cleveland Browns in the AFC Title Game. In 1986, John Elway led “the drive,” going 98 yards in the final minutes to tie the game and win in overtime 23-20. In 1987 they won 38-33 in the game know as “the fumble,” when Ernest Byner coughed it up near the goal line when it appeared he was about to tie the game. In 1989 the game was a blowout, with Denver downing Cleveland 37-21. Yet Denver was mauled in Superbowls, each time by a larger margin, losing by 17, 19, and 32 points. Superbowl XXIV was worse, the biggest blowout in history. A 45 point shellacking earned the 49ers their 4th Superbowl win, and the Broncos their 4th loss. 55-10 49ers

1990–The 49ers had the repeat, and were going for the “3-peat,” but fell short. They were 14-2, including a thrilling 7-3 defensive win over the Giants. Both of those teams started 10-0, and they met again in the NFC Title Game. It was another defensive thriller, and the Giants kicked five field goals. The fourth one cut their deficit to 13-12, but in trying to run out the clock, Roger Craig fumbled. The Giants recovered, and Matt Bahr’s 5th kick on the final play gave the Giants the 15-13 win and the trip to Superbowl XXV. The Giants were 13-3, with one of their other losses being to the Buffalo Bills. The Bills only won 17-13, but they had one of the greatest offenses of all time. The Giants held the ball for over 40 minutes to keep Buffalo off of the field. A safety by Buffalo seemed to be the difference, since their final drive had them down by one point instead of three. Jeff Hostetler had taken over when Simms was injured, and had played smartly. Yet he could only watch as Jim Kelly and Thurman Thomas threw and ran the ball within field goal range. A 47 yard attempt by Scott Norwood on the final play had the world watching. The kick was wide right. The Giants had their second Superbowl win. Bill Parcells retired for the first of many times after the game. 20-19 Giants

1991–Superbowl XXVI Had the Bills and Redskins both getting back. The Redskins were 14-2, losing one game on a Hail Mary and another game on the last play in the final game when they had rested their starters anyway. So again they flirted with 16-0. After a scoreless first quarter, the Redskins proceeded to dominate, leading 17-0 at the half, and cruising to a 37-10 lead. Buffalo scored late to make the score close, and quarterback Mark Rypien was the MVP. The Redskins won their 3rd Superbowl in 10 years, and what made it more amazing was that coach Joe Gibbs did it with three different quarterbacks. 37-24 Redskins

1992–In the 70s it was the Raiders and Steelers. In the 1990s it was the Cowboys and 49ers. The AFC was an afterthought, with the Bills reaching the game for the third straight year. In the NFC Title game, after a 10-10 tie at the half, Dallas took over, and beat San Francisco 30-20. This was revenge for “The Catch” in the 1981 season, although that could have been revenge for Dallas defeating San Francisco in consecutive seasons in the early 1970s. Superbowl XXVII was a blowout, as Buffalo turned the ball over 9 times after taking an early 7-0 lead. down 14-7, an interception in the end zone prevented a tie. Dallas won by 35 points, and would have scored a record for points had Leon Lett not showboated and fumbled near the goal line. Jimmy Johnson yelled, “How ’bout them Cowboys!” The Gatorade bucket gained a new wrinkle when the players messed up his perfect hair, and owner Jerry Jones showed up on the sidelines with a comb to fix it. 52-17 Cowboys

1993–Superbowl XVIII was a rematch of the year before. The Bills reached the Superbowl for the fourth straight year. The Cowboys and 49ers met again in the NFC Title Game, which was an easy 38-21 Dallas win. Buffalo actually led 13-6 at the half, but on the second play of the second half, Thurman Thomas was hit and fumbled. The ball was returned for a touchdown to tie the game, and Dallas never looked back. They only led 20-13 after three, but put the game away in the fourth quarter. Troy Aikman and MVP Emmitt Smith brought Dallas its 4th Super Bowl win, and gave Buffalo their 4th loss. No other team has ever lost 4 straight. Despite the back to back titles, a feud between Jerry Jones and coach Jimmy Johnson led to Jones firing Johnson and replacing him with his friend Barry Switzer. 30-13 Cowboys

119–Superbowl XXIX was considered over before it began. For the third straight year, the Cowboys and 49ers battled in the NFC, and this time the 49ers triumphed 38-21. The AFC had an overachieving San Diego Chargers team in their first Superbowl. Head coach Bobby Ross worked miracles, and quarterback Stan Humphries was tough. They defeated superior opponents in Miami and Pittsburgh, and seemed happy to just be in their first Superbowl. Steve Young, desperate to escape the legacy of Joe Montana, threw 6 touchdown passes and zero interceptions, and had the highest quarterback rating ever for a Superbowl. As expected, it was a blowout, and Coach George Siefert escaped the shadow of his predecessor Bill Wash, since the win 5 years ago was considered Walsh’s team. The 49ers became the first team to win 5 Superbowls, with zero losses. 49-26 49ers

1995–The Cowboys and 49ers were expected to meet for the 4th straight year in the NFC Title Game, but a Green Bay Packers team led by Coach Mike Holmgren, aka “The Walrus,” and a young maverick quarterback named Brett Favre, upset the matchup. Favre was the league MVP, and Green Bay shocked the 49ers in the playoffs. In the NFC Title Game, they led Dallas after 3 quarters as well, before Dallas took over. In the AFC, The Steelers survived a Hail Mary attempt on the final play to survive against the Colts, to go to the game they felt they should have been in a year earlier. For the third time, Dallas and Pittsburgh met. Dallas was the better team in Superbowl XXX, but the Steelers kept hanging around. Dallas led 13-0 and 20-7, but Pittsburgh closed to within 20-17. The key play was when Neil Odonnell threw his second interception to Larry Brown, whose gift in his breadbasket led to the 10 point finale. Dallas had their 5th Superbowl title in 8 appearances, and 3rd in 4 years, and Pittsburgh had their first loss in 5 trips. Jerry Jones and Barry Switzer won without Jimmy Johnson. 27-17 Cowboys

1996–Brett Favre and the Green Bay Packers got back to the Superbowl for the first time in 29 years, and the New England Patriots reached the game for the first time in 11 years. Again, they benefitted from better teams being knocked out. The first quarter was the highest scoring in history, with New England leading 14-10. Yet by halftime, the Packers led 27-14. After the Patriots closed to 27-21, Superbowl XXXI MVP Desmond Howard returned the kickoff 99 yards for the final points of the game. Bill Parcells took his second team to the Superbowl, but did not prevail. 35-21 Packers

1997–Superbowl XXXII had the Packers getting back with relative ease. The AFC featured the Broncos. The previous year the Broncos were favored in the AFC, and were shocked in the playoffs. The players even cried afterwards, saying they let John Elway down. He had three Superbowl losses, but this time the Broncos had running back Terrell Davis. The game was tied 24-24 in the 4th quarter when Elway made a leaping run for a first down. He spun like a pinwheel in the air, but made the yardage. The Broncos took the lead, and Brett Favre’s final drive stalled around midfield. Bronco Owner Pat Bowlen held the trophy and exclaimed “This one’s for John!” The Packers lost their first Superbowl, and the Broncos finally won one. 31-24 Broncos

1998–The Minnesota Vikings smashed the league and coasted to a 15-1 record with rookie receiver Randy Moss. They were practically a lock to finally win the big one when they collapsed in the NFC Title game. The Atlanta Falcons trailed 20-7, but fought back. With time running out, Minnesota still led 27-20, with Gary Anderson attempting a 40 yard field goal to lock up the game. He had not missed a kick all year, going 40 for 40, an NFL record. He missed this one, stunning the crowd. Yet The Vikings still led. Atlanta tied the game, and even though Minnesota got the ball first in overtime, it was Morton Anderson that kicked the winning field goal. Coach Dan Reeves was taking his second team to the Superbowl with a 30-27 overtime shocker. It was the first trip for the Falcons. In the AFC, The Broncos cruised during the regular season, but faced a tough Jets team led by Bill Parcells in the AFC Title game. He was trying to take a 3rd team to the Superbowl. The Jets blocked a punt and led 10-0 in the 3rd quarter, but the Jets could not overcome 6 turnovers, as the Broncos won 23-10. Superbowl XXXIII was not close, as the Broncos coasted to their second straight win. Broncos Coach Mike Shanahan took delight in beating the man who fired him in Denver, Reeves. John Elway retired after the game. 34-19 Broncos

1999–The St. Louis Rams had been a terrible team for a decade, but when Trent Green went down in the preseason with a knee injury, former supermarket checkout clerk Kurt Warner became a legend. For the next 3 years, the Rams offense was the “Greatest Show on Turf.” The Rams had relocated from Los Angeles several years earlier. Dick Vermeil had returned to the Superbowl after a 19 year absence, retiring form the Eagles in 1982, citing burnout, only to return to the league with the Rams in 1997. Marshal Faulk was the star running back, and offensive coordinator Mike Martz was a mad scientist calling plays. The Rams struggled in the NFC Title Game, but a late touchdown defeated the Tampa Bay Buccaneers 11-6. 20 years earlier they had defeated the Bucs in the NFC Title Game 9-0. The Tennessee Titans, led by Buddy Ryan disciple Jeff Fisher, represented the AFC. The Titans were the former Houston Oilers. The Rams led 16-0, but the Titans fought back. tying the game at 16-16 with 2 minutes left. One play later, Super Bowl XXXIV MVP Kurt Warner threw a 73 yard touchdown bomb for the go ahead touchdown. He passed for 414 yards on the day. Steve McNair led the Titans back to within striking distance with 5 seconds left. His pass to Kevin Dyson fell one yard short when Mike Jones made “The tackle.” Vermeil retired after the game. The Rams avenged a 24-21 regular season loss to the Titans in a thriller. 23-16 Rams

2000–The Minnesota Vikings were again cruising towards a Superbowl when they collapsed at the end of the season. They did make it to the NFC Title Game, but were throttled by the Giants 41-0. The Giants were 7-4, and reeling from back to back home losses, when Coach Jim Fassell made a bold prediction. He was considered laid back, but he told the press that “this team is going to the playoffs.” The AFC featured a shocking Baltimore Ravens team with one of the greatest defenses in history. Cocky coach Brian Billick, defensive coordinator Marvin Lewis, and fearsome defensive standout Ray Lewis backed up the talk. They knocked out Tennessee’s Steve McNair from the divisional game en route to defeating the favored Titans. They then knocked out Rich Gannon from the AFC Title Game, eliminating the Raiders. The Ravens had almost no offense, going 5 straight games during the season without a touchdown, winning two of them. Trent Dilfer was considered a stiff by many at quarterback. Dilfer did throw an interception to Jason Sehorn for a touchdown, but it was called back by a penalty. The Ravens led 10-0 at the half. An interception return put the Ravens up 17-0, followed by a kickoff return for a touchdown by the Giants. The Ravens then took the next kickoff for a touchdown. Three touchdowns in less than a minute had the Ravens up 24-7. Superbowl XXXV was a blowout, and the Giants had lost their first Superbowl. The Ravens were the former Cleveland Browns, and Art Modell ignored the death threats, moved his team, and had his first trophy. Due to controversy surrounding Ray Lewis, Trent Dilfer got the Disneyland commercial. It did not matter, as Dilfer became the first winning Superbowl quarterback to be traded before the next season. 34-7 Ravens

2001–The Rams returned for the second time in three years, coasting to a 14-2 record. They were facing a Patriots team that had started the season with Drew Bledsoe and finished with Tom Brady. The Patriots had defeated the Oakland Raiders in overtime in a blizzard in a controversial game that would forever be known as the “Tuck Rule” game. The Rams were led by Mike Martz, and the Patriots were led by Bill Bellichick, who was determined to escape the shadow of his mentor Bill Parcells. The Rams had defeated the Patriots 24-17 in Foxboro during the regular season in a game that was not that close. Yet Superbowl XXXVI featured a Rams team that perhaps was overconfident. They were leading 3-0 when Ty Law returned an interception for a touchdown and a 7-3 lead. The Patriots led 17-3 in the fourth quarter, when the Rams finally woke up. With under 2 minutes left, the Rams had tied the game 17-17. The Patriots defense was out of gas, but Tom Brady had 90 seconds to work with. He had only 75 yards passing up to that point, but on the last play of the game, a 48 yard field goal attempt by Adam Vinatieri was dead center. Perhaps the biggest upset since the Jets in the third Superbowl had taken place. 20-17 Patriots

2002–The Raiders, who had relocated back to Oakland several years earlier, were seeking to avenge their disputed playoff heartache of a year earlier. They had difficult playoff wins over the Jets and Titans. The Raiders started 4-0, fell to 4-4, and then finished 11-5. Rookie head coach Bill Callahan led the team, replacing John Gruden, who left to coach the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Speaking of the Buccaners, the entire 2002 NFC was full of shockers. The 12-4 Packers had never lost a playoff game at home, but were stunned by the Atlanta Falcons, led by young sensation Michael Vick. The Buccaneers played the NFC Title game against the heavily favored Eagles, who had beaten them six straight times. The Eagles led 7-0 one minute into the game, but this time the Bucs shocked the Eagles. Ronde Barber’s 92 yard interception returned sealed the 27-10 win, and sent John Gruden to face his old team. The Raiders intercepted a pass on the 3rd play of the game, setting up a field goal and a 3-0 lead. The Bucs then crushed them, with a 34-3 lead. The Raiders did fight back, with a blocked punt for a touchdown, and were within 34-21 with 2 1/2 minutes remaining. However, NFL MVP Rich Gannon was intercepted for a touchdown. On the very last play of the game, another interception was returned for a touchdown. The Bucs intercepted 5 passes, returning 3 for scores. Jon Gruden exclaimed, “How bout those Tampa Bay Buccaneers!” The team that started 0-26 and wore orange pants were now pewter wearing champions. They won the battle of pirates. “Chucky,” the nickname for Gruden based on his scowls, knew the entire Raider playbook in advance. As John Lynch said, “we saw these plays in practice.” Lynch, Derrick Brooks, and Warren Sapp delivered the Superbowl XXXVII win. 48-21 Buccaneers

2003–The Patriots finished 14-2, and faced the 15-1 Pittsburgh Steelers, who were led by Ben Roethlisberger. Big Ben was 14-0 as a starter. The Steelers had crushed the Patriots during the regular season, but the Patriots had injuries at the time. The Patriots were favored in the rematch, and they won handily 41-27 in the AFC Title Game. In the NFC, the Eagles were in their 3rd straight NFC Title Game, determined to avenge their shocker from the previous year. They were at home against the Carolina Panthers, a team that entered the league in 1995, and reached the NFC Title Game in 1996. The Panthers injured Philly quarterback Donovan McNabb in the game, although he played. Carolina won 14-3, and Philly had lost again. Superbowl XXXVIII was a thriller. The first quarter was scoreless, the Patriots led 14-10 at the half, and the third quarter was scoreless. The 4th quarter was an aerial show. Tom Brady and Jake Delhomme rained bombs, and Delhomme tied the game at 29-29 with little time left. They would have been ahead by three, but they failed on three two point conversion attempts. Coach Jon Fox regretted calling them afterwards. The kickoff after the tying touchdown went out of bounds, allowing the Patriots to start at their own 40 yard line. Again, for the second time in 3 years, Adam Vinatieri nailed a 48 yard line on the final play of the game. 32-29 Patriots

2004–Superbowl XXXIX again brought the Patriots back to the big dance. In the NFC, in their 4th straight NFC Title game, and 3rd one at home, the Eagles and head coach Andy Reid had finally made it over the top, defeating Michael Vick and the Atlanta Falcons. The game was tied 7-7 and 14-14, but the Patriots had a 24-14 lead late in the game. McNabb launched a furious rally, cutting the gap to 3 points. The Eagles did get the ball back, but ran out of time well short of field goal range. For the 3rd time in four years, the Patriots had won the Superbowl, each time by 3 points.

2005–The Indianapolis Colts, led by calm coach Tony Dungy and megastar quarterback Peyton Manning, had been torching the league on offense for several years. They just could not beat the Patriots, who had eliminated them in several straight games, often by one play. A missed field goal or a fumble at the goal line or a goal line stand would vex them. This year the Colts started 13-0, and were on their way. The Patriots had been eliminated, but the Colts were stunned at home by the Steelers. The Steelers jumped to a 21-3 lead. the Colts closed to 21-18, when Jerome Bettis, aka “The Bus,” was rumbling near the goal line for the final touchdown. He was hit, and fumbled. The Colts picked up the ball and were racing down the field for what appeared to be a miracle touchdown of their own. Ben Roethlisberger made the touchdown saving tackle at midfield. On the final play, Mike Vanderjagt missed the tying field goal. He simply choked, saving Bettis from becoming the goat. The game was also perspective for Dungy, who tragically lost his son a few months earlier. The football world felt bad for him. The Steelers played in Superbowl XL against the Seattle Seahawks, who were in their first one. They were led by Mike Holmgren, trying to win with his second team. The game itself had several controversial calls, and with the Steelers leading 14-10, Willie Parker ran for a 75 yard touchdown to ice the game. Coach Bill Cowher, after 15 seasons, finally had his ring. The Steelers had their 5th in six tries. Cowher would retire a year later. 21-10 Steelers

2006–The Indianapolis Colts finally got rid of the demons, throttling the Patriots in the regular season, and defeating them in one of the greatest AFC Title Games in history. From Raiders and Steelers to Cowboys and 49ers, the league was now Colts vs Patriots. The Chargers were 14-2 that year, but like previous Marty Schottenheimer coached teams, they melted down in the playoffs against the Patriots. An interception for a touchdown had the Patriots up 21-3 against the Colts, and it looked like the Colts were collapsing again. Manning throwing the ball was not getting it done, but Joseph Addai and Dominic Rhodes on the ground were chewing up yardage. Time consuming drives wore down the New England defense. The game was tied at 21-21, 28-28, and 31-31. The Patriots took the lead 34-31, but this time Peyton Manning finally lived up to his legacy. Keeping the ball on the ground, Addai ran it in for a touchdown with exactly one minute left. Tom Brady led the final drive, as Manning watched. Brady had won all their playoff games. Not this time. He was intercepted, and the Colts won 38-34. They played the Bears in Superbowl XLI. The NFC was awful that year, and any of the top four AFC Teams would have been favored. Bears quarterback Rex Grossman was the most criticized at his position since Dilfer. The Bears did have the most electrifying return man in the history of the game in Devon Hester. Not since Billy “White Shoes” Johnson had a return man been so celebrated. He returned the opening kickoff for a touchdown and the Bears led 7-0 seconds into the game. Yet Dungy and Manning stayed patient, and led 22-17 in the fourth quarter. Rex Grossman had critical interceptions in the fourth quarter, with the last one being returned for a touchdown to ice the game. It was played in the rain in Miami, but mud did not stain the fact that Dungy and Manning had their ring. From a cultural standpoint, Dungy and Bears Coach Lovie Smith gave us the first Superbowl with two black head coaches. The men embraced after the game. 29-17 Colts

2007–The preordained AFC Title Game was again supposed to be the Patriots and Colts. The Patriots felt they had the upper hand by obtaining Randy Moss to go with an already potent offense. In the regular season, the Colts led 20-10, but the Patriots fought back and won the game 24-20. In the playoffs, the Colts were shocked by the San Diego Chargers. Led by Norvelous Norv Turner and backup quarterback Billy Volek, the Chargers stunned the Colts 28-24. The Chargers then lost to the Patriots. The NFC featured even bigger shocks, as the New York Giants, led by no nonsense coach Tom Coughlin and Peyton’s brother Eli Manning, stunned superior opponents. First the Giants defeated the 13-3 Cowboys 21-17, intercepting Tony Romo with seconds left. Then they defeated the Green Bay Packers in overtime, 23-20. Brett Favre and the Packers were also 13-3, and Favre was favored to get back to the Superbowl for the first time in over a decade, perhaps going out on top the way John Elway did. Yet it was much maligned Eli Manning and the Giants that made Superbowl XLII. It was also sweet for defensive star Michael Strahan, who contemplated retirement before the season.

Yet these teams played in the final regular season game in New York. Manning played well, but the Patriots won a thriller 38-35. The Giants finished 10-6. More shockingly, the Patriots finished 16-0. Owner Bob Kraft, personnel guru Scott Pioli, coach Bellichick, Brady, and Moss, looked to make history. The 1972 Dolphins nervously held their champagne bottles, knowing that their status as the only undefeated team in history was tenuous. That Dolphin team was 17-0. The Patriots, thanks to a schedule lengthened in 1978, were shooting for 19-0. The Giants were looking to shock the world.

Are you ready for some football!

Superbowl XLII is here! Patriots vs Giants!

Let’s get it on!

eric

Obama vs Hillary…Mano a (Wo)Mano

Friday, February 1st, 2008

On Sunday we play the Superbowl. On Tuesday we have Super Tuesday. For democrats, yesterday was both.

While the republicans are much better on policy, the democrats have proven better at getting their clowns off of the stage. How can the republicans eliminate Al Queda when they cannot even eliminate Ron Paul from the debates? The democrats may be useless, but at least they can stand up to Dennis Kucinich.

Before getting to the democrats, Sean Hannity announced his support for Mitt Romney, While Arnold Schwarzenegger joined Rudy Giuliani and Sly Stallone in supporting John McCain. Newt Gingrich insisted on staying neutral between the republicans. Ann Coulter shocked the world (which for her I did not think was possible) by saying that she would vote for Hillary over McCain. My head exploded, but I found my eyeballs on my carpet and popped them back into the sockets, and watched the debate. Alan Colmes then shocked the world and said something so offensive that I have to question his patriotism as an American. I have never attacked his liberalism, but he said, “I don’t care about the Superbowl, is there a good movie on at the time?”

Mr. Colmes, I can no longer agree to disagree with you. That was the first remark you have ever made that was unamerican. I pray for the love of all things holy, that being football, that you apologize and do volunteer work for NFL Youth. Nothing said in the debate would bother me as much.

Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama had their final debate before Super Tuesday. There were no other candidates to distract them, and nobody to hide behind. I judged the debate not based on what I think of them, which is virtually nothing, or in Hillary’s case, less than nothing. I judged them solely on who won the debate.

I expected zero questions about Iran or North Korea, and time wasted on whether or not Hillary was snubbed by Obama, and why Bill Clinton does what he does. The answer? Because he does…oh, and because it works. I expected a question on how the split in the Kennedy family exists in the race, as opposed to a better question about why anybody should care what the most overrated family in America thinks about anything.

I was hoping this would be a replay of the Vice Presidential debate Between Joseph Lieberman and Dick Cheney in 2000. That was the gold standard of debate, a pair of adults sitting at the table discussing serious issues in a dignified manner, with one moderator who stayed in the background.

No, instead we had two separate chairs, followed by self congratulatory praise for several people who are apparently special because they ask questions. I refuse to elevate them into significance by mentioning their names.

With that, here is the recap of Obama vs Hillary, Mano a (Wo)Mano, or to be more accurate, Mano a (practically) Mano.

With that, here is the recap.

They started with opening statements.

Obama sucked up to John Edwards (who had dropped out the day before) and then mentioned that he and Hillary will remain friends after the race. This will of course only be true if Obama loses. He said the debate was not about race or gender, but the past versus the future.

Hillary laced into President Bush, although less briefly than normal. She sucked to Edwards as well, and listed a litany of problems we face.

Hillary was asked an intelligent question, that being what she thought the most significant policy distinction was between her and Obama. She mentioned that she favored universal health care, and Obama did not. She stated that she wanted a 5 year interest rate freeze, and that she wanted a more realistic foreign policy agenda than Obama with regards to meeting with dictators. She hammered home the point that they were both better than republicans.

Obama stated that on health care the issue is cost reduction, while Hillary wants to force people to buy health insurance. He stated that the enforcement mechanisms would make things worse. He stated that an interest rate freeze would actually cause rates to go up, hurting people Hillary wants to claim. He stated that he wants to reduce the influence of lobbyists, unlike Hillary. Lastly, he reminded the audience that he was against Iraq from the beginning, which reflects on both of their judgments.

Obama was asked why he had the superior health plan if it leaves 15 million uninsured. He explained that anybody who wanted coverage would be covered, but would not force those that do not want it to get it. However, he also emphasized that it is that they cannot afford the cost. He disputed the 15 million number. He praised Arnold Schwarzenegger on health care, and mentioned the Massachussets plan.

Hillary stated that her plan is the equivalent of the congressional plan. It was designed to be affordable. Hillary mentioned that a single payer system was difficult to achieve, as was an employer mandate. She stated that Obama was against mandates solely because it was politically scary.

Obama stated that people who try and cheat the system can be dealt with, and that Hillary’s plan did not have sufficient subsidies. He wants to not just cap premiums, but lower them by 25%. He cited his endorsement from Ted Kennedy. He mentioned that all parties should be brought together, and that the hearing should be broadcast live on C-Span, rather than operate in secrecy. That was a thinly veiled reference to Hillary’s 1994 task force.

Wolf Blitzer actually asked him if this was a swipe, and Hillary smiled broadly. Obama said it was not, as Wolf did her dirty work for her.

When Hillary was asked about her secret task force, she ducked the question, mentioned the -Chip program, and blamed President Bush for vetoing something. She then said we need to regulate the health industry more, and that nobody should ever be denied ever again. Perhaps she does not understand that companies need to make money to survive. She then stated that taxpayers pay for the research of the drug companies. No, they don’t. The companies pay for it themselves. She blamed the health industry for being “clever” and “extremely well funded.”

The candidates were asked how they could fend off attacks from republicans that they were “tax and spend liberal democrats.” Obama smartly replied that the republicans have no right to claim the mantle of fiscal responsibility, and that while John McCain was initially right to oppose the Bush tax cuts, somewhere along the line “the wheels fell off of the Straight Talk Express.” He then offered class warfare rhetoric that must have made John Edwards proud.

The camera then turned to show Jason Alexander, who played George Costanza on “Seinfeld.” I have no idea why.

Hillary would redistribute wealth, although she used other words to describe it. She complained that our health care system had the most money, but not results to match. She then said she would rein in the HMOs, who are supposedly as bad as the Bush administration. She then spoke of bipartisan negotiations with Newt Gingrich and Bill Frist, and mentioned the RAND Corporation positively. She mentioned electronic medical records.

When it was pointed out that letting the Bush tax cuts expire would raise taxes, they both chimed in that only the wealthy would be effective. Obama joked that the well dressed people in the audience would be ok with it, and Hillary mentioned that rates would go back to what they were in the 1990s, and people did oh so incredibly well then.

The next question was an illegal immigration question, and it was absolutely brilliant. I have said more than once that the democrats are a bunch of narrow interest groups that band together out of need, but really hate each other. This immigration question mentioned that illegal immigration disproportionately helps blacks. Yes, blacks against Latinos, a chance to see real tap dancing in action. It is impossible to kiss four rumpus cheeks at once.

Obama avoided the powderkeg by saying people of all stripes felt the economic pinch, and it was before the most recent wave of immigrants. He called blaming immigrants for the problems people face to be scapegoating. The crowd roared with approval. He then did offer a few mild words about border security, and cracking down on crooked employers, before mentioning a path to citizenship. He complained that tax cuts went up instead of down. I guess he forgot that this is positive.

Hillary also went after crooked exploitative employers. She then spoke about a black man who had a construction business complaining about illegal immigrants, before talking about bringing people together. She referred to “undocumented” workers. She said illegal immigrants should “come out of the shadows,” and that “we will register everyone.” They should also try to learn English. Why make them succeed? They only have to try.

Obama was asked how his immigration policy was more humane than Hillary’s plan. He spoke about working with Ted Kennedy and John McCain, stating, “although he might not admit it now.” He basically ducked the question.

Wolf Blitzer kept pressing, Obama began stammering, and Hillary grinned the widest grin I have ever seen. She truly enjoyed seeing Obama being targeted as an empty suit. Obama for some reason refused to criticize Hillary. He kept saying he disagreed with many people, but would not single her out.

Hillary was asked if she was missing in action while others were tackling the problem of immigration reform. She stated that she took the lead on this issue in 2004 before Obama entered the Senate. She then went overboard, even for her. She stated that the republicans wanted to criminalize good samaritans who assist illegal immigrants in any way. She said that would criminalize Jesus Christ himself. So now the republicans are against Jesus Christ. She then spoke out against demagoguery and mean spiritedness, which means her home does not own any mirrors.

She also mentioned that she takes this personally. She takes everything personally, which means she takes nothing personally. She stated that she had the endorsement of the farm workers. She also claimed that those who made immigration a political issue were “undermining the values of America.” I tried to see her, but her moral high horse is so far above me that can only gaze from afar. She then spoke about bringing people together. She then implied that trying to round up all illegals was not cost effective, even though none of the serious republican candidates ever mentioned doing that to begin with. She stated that she still did not favor giving illegals drivers licenses.

Obama finally decided to get mildly tough, expressing that Hillary had several positions over the past 6 weeks, and that she did make this political. He stated that she does not have a clear position, but it took awhile. He then backtracked, scared of being seen as too harsh. This is why Hillary can eat him alive. He calmly expressed that it was a complex issue, but she had changed positions. He stated that he supported Bill Richardson’s approach, and that Hillary’s newest ideas were ones he had already been working on.

Hillary pointed out that she said she would support Governor Richardson, but that Obama waffled. She then offered pablum about bringing people together in a coalition of democrats and “fair minded republicans.”

Obama answered the question about his lack of experience by ticking off his political life story. He does have accomplishments, and he mentioned all of them.

Hillary was asked what being First Lady has to do with experience, since she has very little more Senate experience than Obama. She then mentioned the phrase “35 years,” and I fell asleep. She is morally superior because she worked for children’s issues instead of joining a law firm. She mentioned about reforming the education system in Arkansas, neglecting that this was a failure and cost her husband the Governorship. She also went to 82 Countries, claiming that she negotiated agreements. She spoke about teaming up with Lindsay Graham to work on health care for veterans.

Another excellent question came in the form of an issue often brought up by Mitt Romney. It was pointed out that neither Obama or Hillary have ever run a business. How could they run an economy?

Hillary blathered that the USA is “more than a business, it is a trust.” She then made my eyes jump out when she said the USA IS “not out to make a profit, it is out to help the American people.” What is it about businesses making profits that this woman cannot grasp? Businesses should make profits. Profits are good. She then slammed President Bush as the “CEO MBA President.”

Obama joked that Mitt Romney “has not gotten a good return on his investment” in this campaign. He was willing to compare his own management style to Romney’s any day.

The debate finally got very substantive when the candidates were asked about Iran and North Korea. The candidates responded forcefully, showing they were ready.

JUST KIDDING. The idiotic question about Ted Kennedy was finally asked.

Hillary praised Ted Kennedy, reinforced her own support from JFK’s useless offspring, and then spoke about change and having a woman President. The election was about us.

She is as boring as Obama is inspiring. They both say nothing, but he does it better. She then claimed to be excited and humbled.

Obama was asked if Americans are right to remember the Clinton years fondly. Before the question could be answered, somebody should go to Wolf Blitzer and ask, “What do you mean ‘we,’ Kimosabe?”

Obama was trapped, and stated those years were much better than the Bush years. He also gently reminded the audience that people need to be judged on their own merits. He correctly pointed out that he has bringing in so many new voters. He then drifted into class warfare talking points. He then reverted back to his strongest point, that voting has doubled due to his participation. This was the first time all night Hillary looked dour, although moderately so.

Hillary was asked how she could be an agent of change when we have had only 2 families in the White House for the last 30 years. Actually, it would be 20 years, unless one counts the 8 years the first President Bush was Vice President.

She then played to the crowd by stating that she “deeply regretted that there was a Bush in the White House at this time.” She said that “we are all judged on our own merits,” even though she is hiding behind her husband, as she has been her entire married life. She then took credit for her husband’s administration, and got off a very powerful line after that. She said, “It took a Clinton to clean up after the first Bush, and it might take another one to clean up after the second Bush.” The crowd would have cheered all night had the moderator not eventually stepped in. Hillary smild broadly, basking in the glow of getting in the line of the night. She had won the sound bite war, the equivalent of a triple reverse slam dunk on ESPN.

Hillary was then asked why voters should not see her Iraq position as an open ended commitment since she does not have a specific withdrawal timetable. Hillary attacked the Pentagon. Other than that, her answer was incomprehensible, as if she cut herself on the sharp edge of her triangulator. She sees the issue as complex. Then she blamed President Bush. I disagree with at least half of her positions, but perhaps not all of them.

Obama stated that “we will not have permanent bases” In Iraq. He also had “the audacity of dope” to state that John McCain does not “understand the situation.” Next he will say Hillary has no idea how to be a woman. Ok, bad example, but you get the point. He also reminded the crowd that he was against the war from the beginning.

The debate was practically a lovefest, as the candidates refused to drag each other down further. Hillary then announced support from Maxine Waters, which makes her qualified to do…well, nothing. Hillary expressed the perils of withdrawing too soon, and blamed President Bush some more.

Hillary was asked why she voted against a particular amendment restricting President Bush’s authority with regards to the war. She stated that she voted for another amendment that would have limited his authority to one year. She said that if she knew then what she knew now, she would not have given him the authority. However, that is the typical Clinton non-apology apology. She did not say “I apologize,” or “I was wrong.” She also stated that her vote was not an authorization to go to war. I guess in her mind it was a vote to authorize people to think about it and dither. Perhaps she truly does think we are the United Nations. Had she been completely truthful, she would have stated that she does not want to limit Presidential power because she wants to be President. She would have to be more tactful about expressing it, but that would at least be honest.

She then truthfully pointed out that the republicans are committed to President Bush’s policies. Yes, and they should. She claimed that the republicans, especially McCain, accused her of a policy of surrender. Yes they did, and they should continue to state this. She welcomes this debate. So do I. She also used the word gravitas, a very veiled reference to Obama being a neophyte. She spoke very forcefully.

Obama stated he wants the Iraq mission completed “honorably,” but wants to bring people home. He also, using very careful words, stated that we are not winning right now. Obama parried the gravitas issue by stating that he was against the war from the beginning.

Wolf Blitzer has been criticized during most of the CNN debates, but in this debate I have to give him what the kids would call “props.” I think that means “proper respect,” and I think the kids do still say that. For the second time during the debate, Wolf posed a question five minutes after I had already posed it (scout’s honor, even though i was never a scout…Tygrrrr’s honor perhaps). He wanted to know why she could not just say her Iraq vote was a mistake.

The real answer is because she simply can’t. She can’t do it. I cannot leap tall buildings, and she cannot ever apologize for anything.

She babbled about believing in “coercive diplomacy.” I credit Obama for keeping a serious look on his face. She then again blamed President Bush. Had she been President, we would have focused on Afghanistan. She said we must be as strong or stronger than the republicans on national security. I saw pigs growing wings somewhere, but it could have been the special brownies I ate…oh no wait, that was the Clintons as well (no no, he did not inhale). When she criticized President Bush on the issue of body armor, Wolf failed to cut off her filibuster.

Wolf Blitzer then asked her, “So are you saying you were naive in trusting President Bush?”

Hillary flashed a major fake smile. The crowd was mostly cheering, with some booing, as Hillary said, “Good try Wolf.” Obama had his moment to smile broadly, but he was smiling along side her. It was her turn to twist. When Wolf asked Obama if Hillary was naive, Hillary interjected by saying that the question was asked of her, and she should answer it.

This was odd in that a hot potato could have been tossed away from her, and she chose to take it back. Either this was hubris, or perhaps she thought answering was better than leaving the question unanswered. The Wolf remarked, “I thought you weren’t going to answer it.” She then again remarked, “That is a good try Wolf.” She continued to ramble about the consequences of President Bush’s actions, and how the resolution was only about inspections. She stated that “we” bombed Hussein in 1998 over inspections.

She then offered one of the best attempts at triangulaton in history, and if it succeeds, Hillary is every bit a genius as her husband, and the AMerican people are imbeciles.

“I offered a reasoned judgment, but the person executing the policy did not.”

I could picture Bill Clinton saying that and everyone believing it. Whether or not Hillary can pull it off might be talked about 30 years from that line. She never answered the question, and it should be asked over and over until it is answered.

Obama had to tread lightly, because whenever he criticizes her, he is being “mean.” This is ironic given that he is a nice guy and she actually is mean, but perceptions of hitting a girly girl have really weakened his ability to strike back. He stated that the language of the vote stated that it was an authorization to go to war, and that was obvious. He stated that “Senator Clinton claims experience on day one, but one has to be right on day one.”

That line was the equalizer to her earlier comment about a pair of Clintons and a pair of Bushes. Yet her line contrasted with republicans. His line contrasted with her.

The candidates were asked about censoring television programs that were obscene with sex and violence. Obama remarked that his children watch Nickelodeon, but that he was aware that they “knew how to operate that remote.” He also mentioned the internet, but mentioned that censorship was not the answer. He felt that the industry should show some thought. That is asking too much.

The female moderator who I care not to remember wanted to ask a question about Presidential spouses. Hillary offered fake laughter,and Obama immediately let her off the hook by saying that “Michelle Obama could share some stories too.” I am amazed that he keeps rescuing a person who wants to drown him.

Hillary was asked how she could control her husband in the White House when she cannot even control him on the campaign trail. She cackled loudly, which she does when she is enraged. She could not give a true answer, which is either…1) she can but chooses not to do so…2) she can’t.

She stated that she and Barack had “passionate spouses that defend them at every turn.” Obama concurred for his own safety. Michelle Obama is not a lightning rod. Period. Yet Hillary continued.

The issue is not about defending, it is about slashing attacks. Hillary made it clear it is her campaign, which ducks the question.

Although it was most likely a camera angle issue, Obama looked like he was asleep. He almost looked smug in the sense that his nose was in the air (literally in terms of posture) and his eyes were closed. As we learned on “South Park,” smug people listen and talk with their eyes closed. I know this is not substance, but the only time he gets in trouble is when he reminds everybody that he is better than she is. People have to conclude that without him looking like he is actually expressing it.

The last question was a waste. Wolf Blitzer brought up the issue that most democrats saw the two of them as a “dream ticket.” This was the largest approval line of the night, and it came from the moderator. Hillary cackled loudly, and then in perhaps a bizarre coincidence, the camera panned to another woman famous for an odd laugh, “The Nanny” Fran Drescher. Yes, this debate was in Los Angeles, although Jack Nicholson did not yell “Go Lakers” during the event.

Yes folks, what John Kerry would call “the heart and soul of America,” continued to repulse me. I wonder how many ordinary people were in the audience. My guess was zero, not counting ushers.

When asked if they were open to a Clinton-Obama or Obama-Clinton ticket, Obama smartly replied, “well obviously there is a difference between those two.”

Like an Al Pacino movie where he starts calm but spends the last third making bombastic angry speeches, a calm Hillary near the end of the debate could not stop cackling.

Obama stated that such speculation was “premature and presumptuous.” He then spoke about what he wanted in cabinet members. He said something very intelligent when he stated that he wanted people who could “say no to him,” which would avoid group think. He did not want “yes men and yes women.” He admitted that he “is not right all the time.” Can anyone picture Hillary saying that? He ended on a very positive, lofty note. When pressed further about Hillary, he said that “she would be on anybody’s short list.”

Clinton stated that she “agreed with everything Barack just said.” She said that “there will be a unified democratic party.” She then plugged her next online internet townhall meeting. Wolf joked that “We do the plugs around here.” Hillary cackled again, and Wolf let her off the hook.

The candidates then shared a very warm moment, although their words were not audible. They whispered in each other’s ears for a few moments.

Each candidate had one good line, but overall I felt the debate was a draw. The crowd liked them both, and neither one delivered a knockout blow. I also felt that each blunder would not matter because their own voters would let them off the hook. The goal was not to impress me. It was to impress democrats.

I would argue that a tie goes to the favorite, which would be Hillary. I think Obama had to knock her from the top, and he did not succeed.

They are both smart, and must have observed how turned off the republican crowd (myself included) was by the intra-party fighting.

Yes this was a stage, and I am sure once they exited the Kodak Theatre they went back to tearing each other’s eyes out. Yet they were on stage, and they made nice.

This was a deadlock.

Now that the democratic debates are over, I can thankfully quit being an objective analyst and go back to being a partisan. They are both dreadful candidates against the republicans.

eric

Republican Focus Group Debate Watching

Thursday, January 31st, 2008

I was on Fox News last night ever so briefly as part of a focus group of republican voters.

I signed a confidentiality agreement, so there are certain things I cannot say for ethical and legal reasons. However, after participating in a focus group, I can honestly say that I could have gotten a better feel for the debate watching it at home on television.

As you see on television, each member of the focus group is given a dial. The more they like or dislike what they hear, the higher or lower they turn the dial.

I was a Rudy Giuliani supporter backing John McCain, but I wanted to hear them to see how committed I was.

There were a few celebrities there for reasons I still do not understand. John Cleese of “Monty Python” fame was a very pleasant individual. “Entertainment Tonight” star Mary Hart was in attendance. I have always thought of her as a lightweight because of what she covers, but she is actually very intelligent, and a hard news junkie. I gained a new appreciation for her. Steven Weber and Joe Daly from “Wings” were there. Again, I can only shrug.

Pollster Frank Luntz conducted this affair. He did not come across as a very nice guy. He was abrupt with people, and was very tightly wound, as if his career would crash if one of the voters misspoke. To be fair to him, he might have been the most stressed guy in the room. I hope that his demeanor when the pressure is not on is that of a more likable guy.

One thing that he did zealously tried to guard was the integrity of the process. Yet some of the questions we were asked were vague. I was asked if I was a conservative or a moderate conservative. Because I am moderate on social issues, others would consider me a moderate conservative. However, I am hard right on economics and foreign policy, and resent being labeled a “moderate” by others. So I labeled myself as a conservative, which is truthful to me, but perhaps not to pollsters with other criteria.

As for the process, we were there for 3 hours, knowing that the entire segment that would actually be shown on television would be about 6 minutes. That would have been enough time to show comments from most if not all of the 30 voters. Instead, about a minute was given to John Cleese to discuss British politics. Another minute was spent on a Ron Paul supporter, even though there were only two of them in the whole group. This was a disproportionate amount of time that was spent on somebody that well over 90% of the group had no interest in.

So while people who know me recognized me on television, what I actually said was edited out. The only reason this irks me is because the question that was asked by Mr. Luntz about the low quality of the questions CNN asked was brought up by me.

As for doing the recap of the debate while I was there, it was impossible to type and work the dial machine. Yet it is for another reason that this debate recap will be more a synopsis.

http://michellemalkin.com/2008/01/31/reagan-vs-mccain-on-profits-business-and-the-free-market/

The debate was dreadful. The best candidate, Rudy Giuliani, was not on the stage, having dropped out earlier. Ron Paul continued to suck up airtime with pointless rants. Mike Huckabee continued to be funny, likable, and unelectable. A debate between Mitt Romney and John McCain only would have been better.

CNN’s Anderson Cooper may not be a liberal partisan shill, but he most likely is one. He asked questions designed to encourage republican fratricide, with several questions designed to try and get the candidates to criticize President Bush. Legitimate analysis is not the same as cheap shots, and this was a debate of cheap shots.

McCain and Romney hacked each other to pieces, to the delight of CNN and other liberals everywhere. This is where the ethics of rating the debate were key.

I had to judge the candidates by how I liked their individual responses, not by how I liked them personally. For instance, Ron Paul did cause me to turn the dial near zero on a couple of occasions, but when he had a rare moment of sanity, talking about economics, I did rate those remarks highly. Conversely, the McCain-Romney argument over the difference between the phrase “timetable for withdrawal” had me rank both of them low.

McCain insisted that Romney wanted a timetable for withdrawal. Romney insisted that he did not. Those who agreed with McCain thought that Romney was being weaselly and evasive. Romney supporters thought McCain was hitting below the belt and taking the remarks out of context.

Mike Huckabee had many one liners that had the crowd laughing. He is incredibly likable. John McCain had some good one liners in the first half of the debate, but this was marred by his second half spat with Romney.

The main problems were the questions themselves. There was nothing about Iran or North Korea, and virtually nothing about Iraq or the overall War on Terror. The candidates were asked who Ronald Reagan were vote for if he were alive today.

I can only imagine that the democratic debate will be worse. Does anybody think the moderators will pass up the chance to ask Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama about the controversy over whether he snubbed her by refusing to shake her hand at the State of the Union? I mean who cares about Al Queda when we have “snubgate?”

I can sum it up quickly. Yes, Obama deliberately snubbed her. He lied by saying he did not do so. Hillary is a phony by talking about her outstretched hand of graciousness. She is the least gracious woman on the planet, continuing to stare angrily with her arms folded as President Bush spoke. He is aloof, and she is nasty. She is unlikable, and he dislikes her.

This has nothing to do with policy or governing. It is nonsense.

The focus group had the potential for substance, but by reducing everything to 30 second sound bites, all it did was come across as shallow.

Bad questions by bad moderators led to bad answers. The focus group never had a chance.

One clip that I am thrilled was not aired was when each person was asked to say something to Sean Hannity. I cheerfully said, “Mr. Hannity, I met you at the 9/11 Freedom Concert. I think you’re fabulous, and I look forward to seeing you next 9/11.”

A reasonable person would assume that I meant that I wanted to see him at the next Freedom Concert to be held on 9/11 of 2008. A person wanting to manipulate that comment could make it sound that I was cheerfully hoping for the next 9/11 itself. A couple people thought the worst, but most of the group understood what I meant.

This is our world. Good people are packaged into tiny boxes with no air holes to breathe. Journalists gather like jackals waiting for a gaffe.

Most of the voters in this country are not imbeciles, but they are packaged as tightly as the candidates. The result of this is that the candidates never truly get to hear what voters want, and the voters rarely ever get to address these unknown concerns.

At least I was paid for my time, and the sandwiches they gave us were good.

On style, Mike Huckabee won the debate.

On substance, the entire process lost.

eric

Here I go again

Wednesday, January 30th, 2008

Quick note…I cannot disclose the details, but I will briefly be on television tonight. Watch Fox News after the republican debate, and connect the dots. I will be the guy smiling while pretending not to be sobbing like a 4 year old girl. Now back to business.

“I don’t know where I’m going…but I sure know where I’ve been…hanging on the promises, and the songs of yesterday…I’ve made up my mind…wasting no more time…Here I go again…

I know what it means…to walk along a lonely street of dreams…

Here I go again on my own…going down the only road I’ve ever known…like a drifter I was born to walk alone…Here I go again.”

20 years have passed since Whitesnake gave us that song, with hard rock romantic David Coverdale on lead vocals. I think of his words today, because like many people out there, I feel lost right now, a fellow in the wilderness…the political wilderness.

A man I deeply believed in ran for President…and did not win the nomination. As awful as I feel, politics is very similar to sports, and I do not want to become one of those fans that takes the game harder than the players.

Yes, I wanted Rudy Giuliani to be President. Yet I cannot allow myself to feel worse than the Mayor feels himself. There are three reasons I believe in him.

1) He took a city somewhere between Detroit and Fallujah in terms of livability and turned it around.

2) He was magnificent on 9/11.

3) The Jayson Blair Times hates his guts.

I want him to soldier on, attend the California debate, win it, and clean up on Super Tuesday. Then again, the people have spoken, and I respect the decision, painful as it is.

I wonder if Rudy Giuliani knows who Del Shannon is. He is the guy sang “Runaway.”

“As I walk along, I wonder, what went wrong…”

I bring up because Del Shannon had success in life, but was miserable. He took his own life. Nobody should ever reach that level. Rudy Giuliani put his pain aside, made a very gracious speech, and will continue leading a happy life. His supporters should do the same.

So where do we go from here? We choose another candidate.

I backed John McCain in 2000. He was my second choice in 2008. I have said on more than one occasion that the only man who could keep me from voting for him is Rudy Giuliani. Rudy Giuliani and John McCain admire each other. It is a shame they could not both share the top job. Nevertheless, Rudy Giuliani believes in John McCain as the next best alternative to himself. I agree with that assessment.

John McCain can defeat Hillary Clinton. Mitt Romney would have a much tougher time. Conservatives are nervous that John McCain is loved by democrats. They should take note of the fact that the democrats who will be voting for a democrats are scared to death of him. They are licking their chops at facing Mitt Romney. This has to be taken into account.

John McCain is the man who in 2000 vowed that if he won the nomination, he would “beat Al Gore like a drum.” I pray that the feistiness and combativeness he has had with some in his own party will be extended to Hillary Clinton.

I also hope that McCain extends the Vice Presidential ticket to Rudy, and that Rudy accepts it. This truly would be a dream ticket. With Mitt Romney as the Treasury Secretary and Fred Thompson as Attorney General, all we would need is a top notch Secretary of Defense. Duncan Hunter would be a good choice, and so would Dick Lugar. McCain might cross party lines and go with Joseph Lieberman.

While this is not my first and most desired scenarios, I have backed many candidates that did not win. In some cases it turned out well, and in other cases not so well.

In 1996 I saw the 4 main candidates as Bob Dole, Phil Gramm, Jack Kemp, and Dan Quayle. I decided that Quayle, despite being much maligned, would be the clear conservative. Gramm was next, and if I had to, Kemp third and Dole fourth. When Kemp and Quayle opted not to run, the candidate I first became passionate about was Pete Wilson. I enthusiastically backed him. When he dropped out, I backed Lamar Alexander, with Dick Lugar being my second choice. Everybody dropped out except for the candidates I wanted least, Dole and Buchanan. As we now know, Dole and Kemp ran on a ticket that inspired nobody. I voted for Dole by default. Pete Wilson could have defeated Bill Clinton, and Alexander and Lugar would have been competitive.

In 2000, I enthusiastically backed McCain, and pumped my fist when he defeated George W. Bush in Michigan. Yet Bush won the nomination, and unlike 1996, I enthusiastically backed him. That turned out spectacularly well, and I was perfectly content to see McCain in 2008…until 9/11 and Giuliani.

To quote Rush Limbaugh, my success in life is not determined by who wins elections. I decide my success. Rudy Giuliani can still be President in 2016. He may never get the job, but few people ever do.

(Editor’s note…just before I went to sleep, I saw a few clips that were part of the replay of the Patriots-Rams Superbowl played 4 months after 9/11 to close out the 2001. With a couple minutes left in the half, Pat Summerall and John Madden pointed to the booth to show Giuliani and Judi Nathan. Summerall and Madden praised them. What a knife in the heart way to end my night. Like the Rams, Rudy was a heavy favorite that got shocked.)

The bottom line is that the process does work. I still believe in it.

Political science classes will see the Giuliani campaign as a spectacular gamble that failed. Yet the strategy was not a mistake. It just did not work. Had anybody but McCain won South Carolina, Rudy would be in good shape right now. Had Thompson stayed in, that would have helped.

Then again, the republican party is a hierarchy that always nominates the man next in line. Yes Rudy was the frontrunner for awhile, but McCain was next in line. He fell short in 2000, and this was his turn.

Rudy Giuliani should get that Vice Presidential slot. That way he will be next in line.

If one positive thing came out of this campaign, it was that Giuliani and McCain consistently said positive things about each other. Contrast that with the democratic nominees. Their mutual admiration society was not fake. They genuinely respect each other.

McCain will be the boss, but every leader needs quality people around him. Giuliani will not be the top dog, but as he reminded us, he can still help shape history.

I hope he does. There is a war for civilization going on, and John McCain and Rudy Giuliani are prepared to take the fight to the enemy.

As for me, I believe In Rudy, and he believes in McCain. I believed in McCain in the past, and am ready to do so again.

The mourning period must be brief. I need to roll up my sleeves. There is much work to do, and not much time to do it.

Here I go again…and if I have to…on my own.

eric

The Dub–Fighting to the Finish

Tuesday, January 29th, 2008

President Bush gave his final State of the Union.

While some Americans honestly disagree with him out of convictions that are deeply held, many of his opponents despise him for being alive and existing. This is not because of the War in Iraq. It is because of the 2000 election that his opponent failed to steal.

As expected, President Bush was gracious to the end, and those that disagreed with him ranged from dour and beaten to downright rude and scowling. The scowler wants the job next year, and she will be in for a rude awakening of her own if she thins her lack of decorum will be forgotten.

Before getting to the speech itself, Fox News conducted a one hour interview with president Bush entitled, “Fighting to the Finish.” Here are some excerpts.

“Those who kill the innocent to advance their political agenda cannot recruit based on ideology, only where there is hopelessness, disease and hunger cause people to be hopeless.

The country has to make up its mind, confront the conditions causing radicalism, or retreat, say it costs too much to help others.

The biggest idea internationally is the advance of democracy and freedom. I fully recognize that some want to promote stability. Stability hasn’t worked. That does not address the underlying conditions to why people join radical groups.

I am a combination of idealist and realist. I believe in this fundamental truth, there is almighty, that gift of the almighty is liberty, which is freedom. Freedom yields peace. The ideology of freedom must trump the hatred of those who spread hate.

There are killers who want to stop liberty. The job of comfortable nations is to help others realize freedom. It is the calling of our time.

Victory in Iraq is going to be gradual. It takes awhile to recover from a tyrannical situation.

People criticize me for having a personal friendship with Vladimir Putin. I don’t see how you conduct foreign policy if you don’t have a personal relationship with Vladimir Putin.

The NIE did not say Iran is not a threat. In fact it confirmed that Iran is a threat and needs to be taken seriously. I don’t know what goes through the Iranian mind, but they have a choice to make.

Whoever the candidates are, they better be ready for pressure. They have to protect America and make sure we have a vibrant economy. The fundamental question will be whether the next president will use the Presidency to advance peace. Some say we don’t move until everybody is holding hands. The right way is to say here is the vision, here is the common goal, here is what we must work to achieve, and we will take the lead and work with you. If you come, we’d love to have you on board, but if not, the United States is still going to lead.

I hope immigration is not the debate for the next election, because if it is it will turn ugly if we start bashing immigrants. An emotional debate pitting people against each other could cost America to lose its soul.

I will gracefully exit the political stage at the proper time.

Washington is an ugly town, too ugly as far as I am concerned. I worked to be a uniter, and it didn’t work.

It is important to have a set of principles from which one will not vary. Faith helps develop a set of principles form which decisions should be made.

There is no question a President gets tested, but there are tests all throughout life. Faith can bring light in moments of darkness.

I want my administration to have written the hopeful and strong first chapter in this ideological struggle that will play out over the course of our lifetime. The best legacy a President can leave behind is to say to a dad that your young son is more likely to live in peace as a result of the policies I’ve put forward.

It is normal for people not to have a sense of urgency about an attack. It is not normal for someone in government not to have a sense of urgency. If you pay attention to the realities of the world, there is an enemy out there that wants to kill us.

Lincoln based his decisions on a fundamental moral truth that all men are created equal under God. I believe in the fundamental moral truth is that there is a God and the gift of that God is that every man, woman and child on the face of this Earth is freedom. Lincoln wanted to free the slaves, and I and other Presidents want to lift people from the bonds of tyranny.”

Now, for excerpts of the State of the Union itself.

“Issues call for vigorous debate. I think it’s fair to say we’ve answered the call.”

Harry Reid sat stone faced.

“Let us show that democrats and republicans can compete for votes, and cooperate for results at the same time.

We believe in the power of individuals to determine their destiny, and shape the course of history. The most reliable guide for our country is the collective wisdom of ordinary citizens.

We must trust people with their own money, and empower them tog row our economy. America has added jobs for a record 52 straight months, but jobs are now growing at a slower pace.

Attempts to load up the (stimulus) bill will delay it or derail it, and neither option is acceptable. This congress must pass it as soon as possible.

Unless Congress acts, most of the tax relief we’ve delivered over the past 7 years will be taken away. Some in Washington will argue that letting tax relief expire is not a tax increase. Try explaining that to 116 million American taxpayers, who will see their taxes rise by an average of $1,800. Others have said they would personally be happy to pay higher taxes. I welcome your enthusiasm. I am pleased to report that the IRS accepts both checks and money orders.”

Many clapped at that remark, while Hillary Clinton was her typically ungracious self. I am not sure if this is because she lacks human emotion, or if she fears leftist voters so much that smiling at the President could cost her votes.

“There is only one way to eliminate uncertainty. Make the tax relief (from 2001 and 203) permanent). If any bill that raises taxes reaches my desk, I will veto it.

The budget I will submit will keep us on pace for a surplus by 2012.

If you send me a appropriations bill that does not cut the number and costs of earmarks in half, I’ll send it back to you with my veto. If these items are truly worth funding, congress should debate them in the open, and hold a public vote.”

The chamber all clapped, and not one of them was sincere. When he mentioned making healthcare more affordable, Nancy Pelosi smiled and clapped, Barack Obama studiously took notes, and Hillary Clinton maintained her angry look.

“The best way to achieve that goal (health care) is to expand consumer choice, not government control. Congress must also pass Health Savings Accounts, and confront the epidemic of junk medical lawsuits. Decisions should be made in the privacy of your doctor’s office, not in the halls of Congress.

6 years ago we came together to pass No Child Left Behind. Last year 4th and 8th graders had the highest scores on record. Last year African-American and Hispanic students reached all time highs.”

He then offered Pell Grants for kids.

“I applaud the Congress for approving a trade agreement with Peru. I now ask the Congress to approve agreements with Columbia, Panama, and South Korea. I we fail to pass these agreements, we will embolden the purveyors of false populism in our hemisphere. We must show our neighbors in the region that democracy leads to a better life. Trade brings better jobs, better choices, and better prices.”

For those who did not know, an average nondescript bald white guy named Samuel Bodman is the current Energy Secretary.

“Let us generate new technologies that can generate coal power while capturing carbon emissions. Let us increase the use of emissions free nuclear power. Commitments (to reduce greenhouse gases) will be effective only if it includes commitments by every major economy and gives none a free ride.”

He also mentioned the new skin cell breakthrough that replicates embryonic stem cells before turning to judges.

“The Constitution means what it says. I have submitted judges who will rule by the letter of the law, not the whim of the gavel.”

He then delved into illegal immigration, refusing to back down from his views.

“By the end of this year, we will have doubled the number of border patrol agents. Yet we still need to acknowledge that we will never fully secure our border until we come up with a lawful way for foreign workers to come here and support our economy. This will allow law enforcement to concentrate on those who wish us harm. Illegal immigration must be dealt with in a way that upholds our laws and our highest ideals.”

He then shifted to foreign policy.

“In the last 7 years we have witnessed stirring moments in the history of liberty. We have seen people in Lebanon take to the streets to demand their independence. We’ve seen Afghans emerge from the tyranny of the Taliban…we’ve seen jubilant Iraqis holding up ink stained fingers and celebrating their freedom. These images of liberty have inspired us.

We have also seen the images that have sobered us. We have seen wedding guests blood soaked, staggering in Jordan, Afghans and Iraqis blown up in Mosques in Markets, and trains in London and Madrid ripped apart by bombs. On a clear September day, we saw thousands of our fellow citizens taken from us in an instant. These horrific images serve as a grim reminder…the advance of liberty is opposed by terrorists and extremists.

Since 9/11 we have taken the fight to these terrorists and extremists. We have stayed on the offense, we will keep up the pressure, and we will deliver justice to our enemies.

For the security of America and the peace of the world, we are spreading the hope of freedom.

We are adding 3,200 marines to our forces in Afghanistan.

While the enemy is still dangerous and more work remains, the American and Iraq surges have achieved results few of us could have imagined just one year ago. Many said that containing the violence was impossible. Killings are down. Al Queda had sanctuaries in Iraq. Today it is Al Queda searching for safe passage. Some may deny the surge is working, but among the terrorists there is no doubt. Al Queda is on the run in Iraq, and this enemy will be defeated.”

Somebody yelled from the balcony “You’re wrong,” which means that either Al Queda infiltrated the building, or a Moveon.org supporter burst in. Either way it is hard to tell the difference among these unwashed and unshaven creatures.

“(Turning to the soldiers in the room) In the fight ahead, you will have all you need to protect our nation. Congress must meet our responsibilities to these men and women by fully funding our troops.

More than 20,000 of our troops are coming home. Any further drawdown will be based on conditions in Iraq. General Petraeus has warned that too fast a drawdown could result in the disintegration of the Iraqi security forces, Al Queda regaining lost ground, and a marked increase in violence. We must not allow this to happen.

The Iraqis have a distance to travel, but after decades of dictatorship, reconciliation is taking place and the Iraqi people are taking control o their future. It is in the vital interests of our nation that we succeed.”

He then reiterated why a free Iraq benefits us and a failed Iraq harms us.

“We will not rest until this enemy has been defeated. We must do the difficult world today so that years from now people will look back and say that this generation rose to the moment, prevailed in a tough fight, and left behind a hopeful region and a safer America.”

He then offered hopeful words regarding Israel and the Palestinians that I ignored.

“Wherever freedom advances in the middle East, the Iranian regime is there to oppose it. Iran continues to enrich uranium, which could be used to make a nuclear weapon. Our message to the Iranian people is clear. We have no quarrel with you. We respect your traditions and your history. We look forward to the day when you have your freedom. Our message to the leaders of Iran is also clear. America will confront those that attack our troops, and America will stand by our allies, and defend vital interests in the Persian Gulf.”

“In the past 6 years we have stopped numerous attacks, including a plot to fly a plane into the tallest building in Los Angeles, and another to blow up passenger jets to America over the Atlantic.

We need to know who the terrorists are talking to, what they are saying, and where they are planning. Unfortunately Congress set the legislation to expire February 1st. That means if you don’t act by Friday, our ability to track terrorists threats will be weakened, and our citizens will be in greater danger. Congress must pass liability protection for companies believed to have assisted in the effort to defend America. We have had ample time to debate. The time to act is now.”

He then offered warm fuzzy sentiments about Darfur and other 3rd world nations in an attempt to make liberals like him. Of course, that will fail.

He called for buying crops from developing nations, and proposed another 30 billion dollars to fight AIDS over the next 5 years.

He then shifted to reforming Veteran’s benefits.

“Troops should be able to transfer their unused education benefits to their spouses or their children.”

“The secret of our strength, the miracle of America, is that our greatness lays not in our government, but in the spirit and determination of our people. So long as we continue to trust the people, our nation will prosper, our liberty will be secure, and the state of our union will remain strong.

So tonight, with confidence in freedom’s power, and trust in the people, let us set forth to do their business. God Bless America.”

The history books will be very kind to this man. I will help right this history, and I will be right. I already am, but vindication will be sweeter when there is a more peaceful world. For some, it is not about winning elections, or tearing down good people. It is about actually improving the world.

Well done Mr. President.

Luv ya Dubya.

eric

Rudy Giuliani Must Win

Monday, January 28th, 2008

While I have consistently backed Rudy Giuliani for President, I have gone out of my way to praise his competitors, and have written very few articles about Mayor Giuliani himself. Simply put, blogs that become one trick ponies bore people quickly. I am making an exception today, since time is critical.

I had planned to discuss President Bush today and Mr. Giuliani tomorrow, but I can cover the State of the Union tomorrow. I cannot wait until people go to the polls on Florida Tuesday. I need to get to them on Pre-Florida Monday.

First, here is a clip of Mayor Giuliani speaking at a Synagogue in Boca Raton, Florida.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNPAHKFuOsc

For those who wish to help right now, which I hope is everybody in America eligible to vote. Make sure you are registered.

http://www.joinrudy2008.com/

Below are previous columns about Mayor Giuliani. As I said, there have been very few.

https://tygrrrrexpress.com/2007/03/why-rudy-is-right/

https://tygrrrrexpress.com/2007/10/my-meeting-rudy-giuliani/

https://tygrrrrexpress.com/2007/10/rjc-in-dc-rudy-giuliani/

https://tygrrrrexpress.com/2008/01/why-a-rudy-giuliani-win-benefits-american-politics/

I want to say for the Milli Vanillionth time that the other republican candidates are fine men. If Mitt Romney or John McCain win the nomination, I will enthusiastically back them. I would have done the same with Fred Thompson. I hope that supporters of other republican campaigns give Rudy one last look. I hope undecided voters flock to Mayor Giuliani. For those in my Jewish community…there is no comparable option.

There are no moral electoral victories. Those who win elections govern. Those who govern have power to affect the world. Those who lose elections get to sit on the sidelines and wonder what went wrong.

There is no question in my mind that all of the aforementioned republican candidates would be fabulous in the War on Terror. The democrats were asked whether winning or getting out is more important. The democrats stated that getting out is most important. They are wrong. Winning is the only option. We lose, we die.

All of the republicans would be better on taxes than the democrats. All of them would be best for those that understand that free trade works, and protectionism does not.

Yet issues are meaningless if the candidate loses.

I could say a ton of positive things about Fred Thompson, but he has withdrawn from the race. I wish him and his family well.

Mitt Romney is a good man. I admire much about him. I also fear that he would lose in November. He has no experience in foreign policy, and we are at war.  He is already being painted as a flip flopper. He is a Mormon, which many people cannot accept. To vote against him based on his religious beliefs is bigotry. His supporters argue that America is better than that. I pray they are right. If he wins the nomination, I will go to the wall for his campaign. His executive experience is phenomenal. He is a good candidate in a normal year, but this is not a normal year. He is simply not the best candidate.

I supported John McCain in the primaries in 2000. He is a hero, and somebody made a great point about his time in Washington. It is hard to say he has spent his life in Washington given that major years of his life were in Hanoi. My fear of McCain is that too many conservatives are saying that he will rip apart the republican party. If he wins the nomination, I will be the first person to scream at the complainers to fall into line, and to get into line now. If any other man besides Rudy Giuliani was running, I would be fine with McCain. Nevertheless, we need to be united for the general election, and too many republicans are hostile towards McCain. I believe this hostility is misplaced, but I am only one person.

I have met all of these men in person. I have shaken their hands, asked them questions, taken pictures with them, and looked into their eyes. I met Romney in Los Angeles at a party convention in Century City. I met John McCain on the University of Southern California campus. I attended an event in Washington, DC, where both of those men attended, although I did not speak to them on that day. That day I did meet and question Fred Thompson.

Rudy Giuliani was at the DC event, and I also saw him at Sean Hannity’s Freedom Concert on 9/11. I did not meet him on either occasion. I met Hannity at the concert, but not Rudy. Yet sandwiched inbetween those events, at a private home in Beverly Hills, I did meet Hizzoner. I spoke to him, looked into his eyes, and listened to his words.

He is the only candidate that traces the War on Terror back from its origins to the current situation. I do not understand why the other candidates do not just repeat his words.

It is not just 9/11. There is so much more.

This is a man who keeps mentioning the coldblooded murders of Israeli athletes by Palestinian animals at the 1972 Munich Olympics. This is a man who reminds the world about Leon Klinghoffer, an innocent man in a wheelchair who was thrown overboard from a cruise ship by Islamofacists, left to die in the water. This is a man who keeps reminding the civilized world about the 1993 bombing of the World Trade Center. He reminds us about the U.S. Embassies in Kenya and Tanzania, and the bombing aboard the U.S.S. Cole.

Yes, this is a man who was confronted with the horrors of 9/11. Millions of people panicked, cried, and flailed uncontrollably. This is understandable, and human. Yet leaders do not have time to do this. They have to lead. The worst terrorist attack in the history of America, worse than Pearl Harbor, was confronted by a leader that vowed to fight back.

Yes, this has been said over and over. Good. It needs to be.

For those who need an endorsement, the Jayson Blair Times hates his guts. If that is not the best endorsement on Earth, I do not know what qualifies. Below are some reasons why the Jayson Blair Times despises Rudy Giuliani.

“The real Mr. Giuliani, whom many New Yorkers came to know and mistrust, is a narrow, obsessively secretive, vindictive man who saw no need to limit police power. Racial polarization was as much a legacy of his tenure as the rebirth of Times Square.”

Crime dropped everywhere, especially black on black crime. He did it without placing his head squarely inside the rumpuses of well known criminals and racial hustlers. So the black leadership hates him, but more young black men are alive because of his methods of dealing with crime.

“He fired Police Commissioner William Bratton, the architect of the drop in crime, because he couldn’t share the limelight.”

So on the one hand the crime policies were terrible, but on the other hand the man who supposedly helped the mayor implement them was a good man. Double standards aside, the Mayor can fire anybody he wants for any reason. That is another aspect of leadership. It is called making tough, unpopular decisions. Truman fired MacArthur. It was unpopular at the time.

So why does the Jayson Blair Times support John McCain? For all the wrong reasons. The areas that McCain is right on are where the paper disagrees with him.

“In 2006, however, Mr. McCain stood up for the humane treatment of prisoners and for a ban on torture. We said then that he was being conned by Mr. Bush, who had no intention of following the rules. But Mr. McCain took a stand, just as he did in recognizing the threat of global warming early. He has been a staunch advocate of campaign finance reform, working with Senator Russ Feingold, among the most liberal of Democrats, on groundbreaking legislation, just as he worked with Senator Edward Kennedy on immigration reform.”

On the above issues, John McCain is well intentioned, noble…and forgive me sir, since you are a hero…wrong.

The Jayson Blair Times is ill intentioned, which makes them even more wrong. They are wrong on the issues, and morally.

The Jayson Blair Times, through ideologically clenched teeth, had this to say.

“Why not choose the man we endorsed for re-election in 1997 after a first term in which he showed that a dirty, dangerous, supposedly ungovernable city could become clean, safe and orderly? What about the man who stood fast on Sept. 11, when others, including President Bush, went AWOL?”

President Bush did not go AWOL, but today is not a day for rebutting every disgusting assertion that this rag magazine makes.

So what about the man discussed above?

That man is still here. He is just as good, if not better.

He will lower your taxes. I know this because he has done it.

He will fight to win the War in Iraq. He has consistently supported this cause.

He will fight to win the War on Terror. He is prepared to hunt down every single terrorist.

He fights those that want to spread religious bigotry by showing paintings of crosses in urine and the Virgin Mary in feces.

He will defend Israel because Israel is a democracy, and because they are fighting the same war on terror that America is fighting.

This man has fought teachers unions and the Jayson Blair Times. Does anybody think he will be scared of Iran? This man cleaned up New York City. Fallujah would be doable.

This man led the city of the state where I was born and raised. I have been to Ground Zero, most recently 3 weeks ago. I saw the hole in the ground. I saw the souls of 3000 Americans that have been taken from us due to pure evil.

I also saw heroes in the form of firefighters, police officers and EMTs. They are good men, but good men can only do their job effectively if they are led well.

They were. Rudy Giuliani is a hero, and a leader.

The world needs leadership. America needs heroes. It needs giants.

A giant is about to give his last State of the Union Address. I pray that one year later, another giant will give his first.

We are at war. We need a warrior who is battle tested.

We need Rudy Giuliani. He must win.

Vote for him, and find every single person you know, and insist they do the same.

Good luck Mayor Giuliani. You are the right man, and you are in my prayers.

Godspeed sir.

eric

Dead Week

Sunday, January 27th, 2008

This is Dead Week, the worst week of the calendar year. There is no NFL Football this Sunday, since the Superbowl is not until next week.

I hate Dead Week. It is a reminder that while the Pro Bowl is in 2 weeks, in 3 weeks there will be no football. I will have nothing to do. Every offseason gets tougher for me. I have no other hobbies, nor do I care to develop them.

This makes my column on Sundays a practical blank piece of paper. I could take Sundays off, but until my blog is established to my satisfaction, it will be a 7 day adventure.

Some have asked me how I write a column every day, but the truth is I do have a lot of “filler,” although that filler is still helpful to some. One example is the recap I do of Presidential debates. Any monkey can transcribe, and I am happy to be that simian. Yet within a month, that well will run dry.

So what should I write about on Sundays starting 3 weeks from now? I would prefer it not be straight politics, since I do that Monday through Saturday. Here are some ideas below. I would like feedback, but may or may not listen.

1) I have written 70 songs in my lifetime. I could just post song lyrics from one song each Sunday, with the story or inspiration for the song.

2) Jdate horror stories. Jdate is a Jewish dating website, and while most of my experiences have been positive, train wrecks do make for good writing.

3) Links to other articles…a complete copout.

4) I did a radio show for 15 years where I played rock music. I could transcribe my comments from one show per week, or perhaps play the clips if I can figure out how to transfer them from cassettes and cds to internet files. The show was called “Hard as a rock.”

5) I could have people submit me articles from their blogs, and the very best article would be published on my site, with me only providing bookend comments.

6) I could provide links to You Tube videos I like, but then I would have to actually go on You Tube. I suppose I could. In the meantime, here is a hysterically funny clip somebody sent me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2triiYXSY8

I could just play a video clip of me holding a remote control and sobbing uncontrollably, knowing that no matter how furiously I change the channels, there is no football.

About 25-30 Sundays with nothing to do. I hang out with my friends or go on dates in the evenings, but during the day?

I have 3 weeks to figure this out. Otherwise, the quality of this blog is going to drop 14.2%, or 0% for those who already feel it has dropped 100% from its early promise.

Oh yeah, and the democrats had the South Carolina Primary yesterday. Wake me up when the Panthers improve.

Happy Dead Week everybody.

eric

Why young single Jews are totally…(censored)

Saturday, January 26th, 2008

Young single Jews in America today are completely (redacted bad word inserted here). I can honestly say that our plan at self immolation is working splendidly. What Hitler failed to do, we are doing to ourselves through intermarriage, and remaining childless as long as possible. Yet if there is one thing that is decimating Jewish singles, it is their political activism. I say “their,” because I am not an activist.

Personally, I think activists should be ductaped, strapped to a chair, and forced to watch video presentations of other activists. Then they would realize what it is like to listen to somebody ramble on about a social cause that only the speaker seems to care about.

Animal rights activists could be forced to listen to somebody rail about illegal immigration. Environmentalists could be subjected to pro-life lectures. Feminists can be pilloried with NRA members trying to shoot boll weevils. Do you know how hard it is to put an AK 47 through a boll weevil? Also, they do destroy cotton crops, and if there is one thing that will keep people of all stripes enthralled, it is a video about agriculture.

Yet Jewish liberals remain activists, or as I call them, “lacktivists,” because they lack…well…everything.

This is not just about liberalism, although that is part of the cancer eating away at Judaism. The bigger problem is that if civilizations do not reproduce, they die. The only way to reproduce is for people to meet each other. Being in the same room is not enough. There has to be actual human interaction. A Jewish social event I attended last night is a prime example of the problem. The only reason I attended was because it was one block from my home, so I could walk there and back. Plus, even if I did not meet a potential romantic partner, friends of mine would be there, making it bearable.

First there was a prayer service. People cannot talk to each other while they are praying, which is fine. However, afterwards there is a meal, and at some point, people at the same table should be able to converse.

Yet the pre-meal rituals must take place. Again, this is understandable. Rituals are important, and I do love my religion. However, this event had an environmental theme. All the food had environmental connections. I told my friend, “I think the potatoes are made out of hemp. Wanna try and smoke them later?”

Then the speeches came. It is not that they were liberal, boring, pompous and worthless. I have come to expect that out of liberalism. It is that I could not hear the people at my own table. Luckily they were friends of mine and not romantic prospects, but still…it was a nuisance. I tried to say hello to friends at a nearby table, but every time we reached a couple sentences, the next speaker would come on. Even my columns end faster, and I can be paused online.

Then the last speaker asked what we in the audience could do to be better based on what we had learned. This led to a speech about vegetarianism, at which point I began to pray that somebody would quote Howard Stern and recommend that we recycle toilet paper. Short of an oil tanker crashing into the room carrying scantily clad republican Jewish brunettes bearing sodas and hamburgers, this night was not going to get better.

Yes, the event was environmental, but it was still billed as an event for young single Jews to meet other young single Jews. How can we mingle when we cannot hear each other?

After the speakers were done, we almost had moments of conversation. However, then the organizers had to do “introductions.” Is every other person in the room a committee member? Apparently. After the introduction came “announcements.” Trips to Israel, planting trees, blah blah blah.

By that time, dessert had come out. After a few moments of mentioning how delicious the dessert was, it was time for the after meal prayers. After that the head of the event announced that everybody was to take their chairs and form a circle. They would be passing around bongo drums, or drums of some sort.

As I waited for people to start singing, “May the circle…be unbroken…by and by Lord, by and by…,” my friend asked me if I was joining in the drum circle. I replied, “Well as much as I love a good drum circle as much as any other straight man, I think I am calling it a night.”

Some could fault me for not realizing how many true believers liked the evening the way it was. This is not the case. Even the zealots cannot recruit new zealots unless they can talk to them on a more personal basis.

This is the Jewish community in a nutshell. Bleeding heart do gooders are in the Synagogues, and they divide into two groups of people. The first group could care less about the audience. The social cause of the week is all that matters, whether it be “save the homosexual mosquitoes” or “allow wildlife to have abortions.” The “I hate evil republicans Museum of Tolerance” is a very popular one.

The second group of people actually want young single Jews to meet. They are just too self absorbed to understand how to avoid making things worse. My advice to these activists is simple.

Shut…up…just…shut…up…for five minutes…just…shut…up.

I am not saying they have to become conservatives. I doubt liberal Jews will ever embrace the NRA, but if the entire room was armed, they could have demanded silence long enough to have decent conversation. Liberals have every right to be boring and wrong, but pause for a few moments. Take a breath. Understand that some of the people in the room are trying to scope each other out, and we cannot impregnate anybody and bring new life into the world if the only thing we know about the person we may lust after is that they are as bored and fed up as we are.

Young single Jews today will remain (censored) until the event planners realize that the event is secondary, and that the attendees themselves are the primary focus.

The next time I have to sit through an evening of “Jewish transsexuals for peace in the West Bank,” all I ask is that if there is a hot girl across the table from me, let us get to know each other before she rips her name tag off in disgust and goes home out of boredom.

I would prefer my community of Jews stop being leftist liberal lacktivists to begin with. That is too much to ask. If they can just reduce their acid-base ratio to 95% useless mindnumbing, self righteous zealots, and 5% quiet docile, silent people, that would be a good start. 5% is better than nothing, and babies can be conceived in a short amount of time.

Or at least have the girls wear hemp skirts that the guys can bury their face in like a good bong if the event planners run out of earthy potatoes. Oh, who am I kidding…with my luck the girls would be liberal in every way except one…they would be morally conservative.

Ok, off to buy ductape. My friends and I will chat with each other next time, lacktivists be d@mned. We are young, Jewish, lusty, and in need of less social justice, and more socializing.

eric