Valentine’s Day is like a cross between Hollywood celebrities at the Grammys and the Mullahs in Iran.
eric
Archive for the ‘WOMEN’ Category
Eliminate Valentine’s Day, Iran, and Hollywood Celebrities
Tuesday, February 14th, 2012I am now 40
Monday, January 9th, 2012I am now 40.
Here are 40 happy memories as I turn 40.
eric
I am now 39 and 363/365
Saturday, January 7th, 2012Tonight, friends and I will gather at a restaurant as we “celebrate” my being 39 and 363/365. On Monday, January 9th, 2012, at 3:28pm EST, my 30s will officially be gone forever.
The “f-word” is approaching any moment now.
http://communities.washingtontimes.com/neighborhood/tygrrrr-express/2012/jan/7/death-my-30s/
eric
More vapid than Barack Obama–The Top 10 Bimbos of 2011
Friday, December 30th, 2011The Top 10 Bimbos of 2011
Some people are more vapid than Barack Obama. Here are the Top 10 Bimbos of 2011.
The First Gasbag in Chief held a press conference awhile back where he stated that his first two years in office “were the most productive two years in generations.”
He recently declared himself to be at worst the fourth greatest president of our time, and possibly the best.
To paraphrase one overrated NFL player, the president sure does love him some him.
Any further discussion of his press conferences are unnecessary, since (shockingly enough coming from his hollow majesty), he speaks plenty and says nothing.
Yet while Barack Obama is an empty suit who defines compromise as everybody shutting up and agreeing with him, he is not the least substantive person on the planet.
While it is true that he uses so many words to say absolutely nothing, he has competition in the uselessness department.
While he is the leader of the nation of Gasbagistan, there are people in existence who make him look and sound relevant.
There are people significantly more vapid and hollow than he is.
Well, not significantly, but slightly more.
Barack Obama is left off of the list solely out of respect for the office of the presidency itself. It would be nice if he had that same regard. Besides, it would be unfair to include him without his supporters. Also, for once, it is nice to have a discussion without having to include his rhetoric.
One criteria was that the people on the list had to be utterly useless, talentless, and worthless. For instance, Lady Ga-Ga may be a lunatic, but she does have talent. She can sing and dance. Some people on this list may have had talent at some point, but a long time ago. Jon Huntsman was left off the list because even mentioning him tenth would lead him to start claiming that he was on the verge of being first.
With that, I offer the people who are more vapid than Barack Obama.
Last year brought the Top 10 Bimbos of 2010.
Here are the Top 10 Bimbos of 2011.
10) Vince Young/Albert Haynesworth/Matt Leinart
These three NFL players are a disgrace. Leinart made the list last year. Despite throwing away his career in Arizona, he ended up in Houston as a backup. The starter went down due to injury, and Leinart had his chance to redeem himself. He lasted almost half of one game before getting injured again and missing another season. Young is worse. He quit on his team, walked away from headquarters, and then tried to make it up to his coach through a text message instead of a face to face meeting. He was cut, ended up in Philly, and blabbed to the media that they were a “dream team” destined for the Super Bowl. He was the backup, and the team began 1-4. He finally came in for one pass, and it was intercepted. Haynesworth has been lazy for much of his career. He went to New England, which has resurrected many players. He lasted a few games before getting cut for still being lazy. Tampa Bay picked him up and has lost nine straight games.
9) Katy Perry/Russell Brand–These detestable overexposed celebrities were much higher last year after a string of stupid comments ranging from her taunting a high school ex-boyfriend during a concert to his imbecilic comments about Israel oppressing the Palestinians. They are lower on the list this year because perhaps they realized that shutting up would do them some good. She is a singer and he is an actor, and they both take pride in lacking substance, especially her. She was even fired from Sesame Street for shaking her (redacted) on a children’s show. Despite a quiet year, they have to remain on the list due to their overall toxicity. Another silent year may get them removed.
8) John Edwards–The former North Carolina Senator, vice presidential candidate, and ambulance chaser was left off the list last year solely out of respect for his late wife. She died of cancer days before the list was released. Yet a year later, he remains the guy who cheated on his dying wife, got his mistress pregnant, and tried to get a staffer to claim fatherhood of the child. Now the man who used the courts to redistribute wealth is fighting for his freedom. He has been indicted for campaign finance violations, although his being the darling of progressives could get him a free pass.
7) Katie Couric–While Dan Rather had already destroyed the credibility of the CBS News brand of Edward R. Murrow and Walter Cronkite, Katie Couric took it to new lower levels. Perky pom-pom cheerleader Katie became a darling of the left when she did a hit job on Sarah Palin. Yet it was Couric who ended her first broadcast by asking what Will Ferrell’s Ron Burgundy from “Anchorman” would have to say about the news. Couric’s fluff was fine for a morning television show. It was not acceptable for a hard news show. The ratings collapsed and she was fired.
6) Lindsay Lohan–Putting this teenage actress on this lit almost seems gratuitous, but she deserves it. While Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, and Tara Reid all went through their phase, they eventually recovered. They were bimbos, and they decided to stop. For Hilton, it took time in jail. Britney became a mom. Lohan is more than an alcoholic, drunk-driving, drug addicted, jewelry stealing, community service avoiding mess. When she appeared in court, she had the f-bomb etched into her fingernails. The judge was not amused, and nobody in America should encourage this train wreck.
5) Susan Sarandon–This person used to be an actress who along with her boyfriend Tim Robbins would use their celebrity status to launch into leftist tirades. Now she has embraced Occupy Wall Street. The problem is the dregs of humanity infecting that movement have no idea who she is. She was famous a long time ago. Now she is a has-been who lost her boyfriend, and desperately wants to be seen as relevant. There comes a time when people need to grow up, not just grow old. She has done neither gracefully. Rumor has it when she returns to her wealthy home she does not invite OWS protesters over to eat and shower.
4) Occupy Wall St Protesters–These protesters should be beaten with as much force as possible until they disperse. They are not peaceful, and nobody has any Constitutional right to violent protest. They claim to be the 99%, yet then claim that the drug addicts, homeless people, and sexual predators in their midst do not represent them. Are they saying the filth is the 1%? Are they protesting Wall Street or their own? They have no idea what they are protesting. They just want free stuff. If they cared about Wall Street, they would go after Jon Corzine rather than ruin business for the local hot dog vendors and shoe shine people.
3) Kardashians–These people remain the trio from Hell. The original KKK burned people alive. This KKK of Kourtney, Khloe, and Kim just refuse to go away while burning the brain cells of their fans. Kim got married and divorced after about 22 days, all of it on video. The only reason anyone knows her is because of her video experience, found in X-rated areas on the internet. Every athlete from Reggie Bush to Miles Austin to Chris Humphrey should be boycotted due to guilt by association. A dishonorable mention also goes to Sinead O’Connor, whose fourth marriage just ended after only 16 days because her husband did not approve of her going on their wedding night looking for weed to get her stoned. Nothing compares to her idiocy, except perhaps the Kardashians.
2) Jon Corzine–This failed human being was fired from Goldman Sachs, then fired from the New Jersey Governor’s job, and then left after bankrupting that state to end up bankrupting MF Global. 1.2 billion dollars is missing, and customer funds appear to have been commingled with company money. Corzine will skate because the CFTC Chairman is a personal friend of his. Corzine used to run Goldman Sachs, making him above the law. Also, he is a leftist, giving him blanket immunity from prosecution because his intentions were good. He is the epitome of Wall Street greed, but luckily everybody from OWS to Barack Obama only pretend to care about that.
Yet as absolutely worthless as these people are, one person truly deserves his own hall of shame.
1) Anthony Weiner–This sex-crazed hound doggie was married less than a year before getting caught sending his appendage over Twitter to various women. Weiner is a leftist bully who never missed an opportunity to engage in the politics of personal destruction against anyone he disagreed with. At first he claimed that his account was hacked. He lied for a week, refused to resign, and was dragged kicking and screaming from power. He expressed surprise to one Jewish paramour that she would engage in certain sex acts, since he as a Jewish person stereotypically thought Jewish women were frigid. He also may have used his office to engage in lewd behavior, which is possibly illegal. His resigning prevented him from having to turn over his phone records. The biggest source of amusement was not his appropriately given surname. It is that he was kicked out of office, and he never even got to sleep with the women. He received all of the scandal with none of the actual sex.
So congratulations to one of the worst human beings to ever infect Congress, which starts out with the bar fairly low. Anthony Weiner is the Top Bimbo of 2011.
eric
All Hail Cherie Lombard!
Saturday, October 15th, 2011Before getting to football, today is a day to celebrate Cherie Lombard.
One minute Jenn O’Neal was minding her own business as a college student. The next minute she was caught up in a whirlwind of social networking excitement as she became my 1000th Facebook friend.
https://tygrrrrexpress.com/2010/11/all-hail-jenn-oneal/
Like everybody else who cheers at the mere mentions of artificial useless metrics of social acceptance, she was so excited by the news that she could barely contain herself.
(I was not in the room, so maybe she just shrugged.)
Anyway, it is one thing to be Miss 1000. Yet to be Miss 2000 has to be three times as nice, or at least twice as nice if one managed to avoid public school.
The competition was fierce, as a pair of South Carolina women raced to be the chosen one. I spoke at a Labor Day picnic in Charleston. They both heard me, or at least pretended to so they could win the coveted award.
It is with a deep sense of sadness that I have to inform Paige Duffy Lewis that she was 33 seconds to late. She was number 2001. We can argue over when the millennium actually was, but people went with 2000 and not 2001. Historical accuracy is not as vital as symmetrical round numbers, even for those without ADD or OCD.
So while I would love to tell you all about Paige Duffy Lewis, ethics prevents this from happening. Of course, you could read her Facebook page.
Ms. Cherie Lombard is Facebook friend number 2000. I expect all of you out there to give her the emotional equivalent of a ticker tape parade.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=682745400#!/profile.php?id=1496582878
In honor of her, I am coming back to Charleston, South Carolina, again today to present her with the award.
Actually I was flying there anyway for speaking engagements, but my original proclamation sounds so much more lofty.
Ms. Lombard is married, and while she and her husband share a Facebook status, only the person who contacted me was eligible. Think of it as the McDonalds Monopoly game without the burgers, fries, game pieces or prizes.
As for Ms. Lombard, I would tell you all about her but her Facebook page says it all. Some will say that is a fancy way of saying I am uninformed, but the truth is you should check out her Facebook page since this whole contest is from that site.
So all Hail Cherie Lombard! She is number one in our hearts, but more importantly number 2000 in my official tally.
eric
Buffalo Bills @ New York Giants (3)
(Giants cover)
Indianapolis Colts @ Cincinnati Bengals (7)
(Colts win outright)
Jacksonville Jaguars @ Pittsburgh Steelers (13)
(Steelers win but fail to cover)
Philadelphia Eagles (3) @ Washington Redskins
(Eagles cover)
San Francisco 49ers @ Detroit Lions (4 1/2)
(Lions win but fail to cover)
St. Louis Rams @ Green Bay Packers (15)
(Packers win but fail to cover)
Carolina Panthers @ Atlanta Falcons (4)
(Falcons win but fail to cover)
Houston Texans @ Baltimore Ravens (8)
(Ravens win but fail to cover)
Cleveland Browns @ Oakland Raiders (7)
(Raiders win but fail to cover)
Dallas Cowboys @ New England Patriots (7)
(Patriots win but fail to cover)
New Orleans Saints (5) @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers
(Saints win but fail to cover)
Minnesota Vikings @ Chicago Bears (3) is the Sunday night game.
(Vikings win outright)
Miami Dolphins @ New York Jets (7) is the Monday night game.
(Jets cover)
eric
The Return of the Republican Party Animals
Monday, August 1st, 2011The Republican Party Animals have returned, and not a moment too soon.
eric
Barack Obama and Susan Boyle–Together Again
Tuesday, July 26th, 2011Once again, Barack Obama needs to channel his inner Susan Boyle to keep people awake.
eric
The 2011 NOW Left-wing Activism Conference
Tuesday, June 28th, 2011At the Washington Times Communities today I have my column about the 2011 National Organization for Women Conference.
They are to women what the horse and buggy is to transportation: old, haggard, useless, and decrepit.
eric
The Top 120 Political Yummy Bouncies of 2011
Tuesday, June 21st, 2011Today is June 21st, the first day of Summer. As the weather gets hotter, it is time for the annual Summer kickoff. This is the 2011 official list of the Top 120 Political Yummy Bouncies.
The list contains ten women on the left, ten on the right, and ten straight up that bodacious creamy middle.
Liberal women find the list sexist, as if women never rank men. Consider even having liberals on this list to be the sexual version of affirmative action.
Conservative women are usually flattered since they are secure enough with themselves to know that women can have beauty and brains.
Here are the lists from 2008, 2009, and 2010.
https://tygrrrrexpress.com/2008/06/the-top-120-political-yummy-bouncies/
https://tygrrrrexpress.com/2009/06/the-top-120-political-yummy-bouncies-of-2009/
https://tygrrrrexpress.com/2010/06/the-top-120-political-yummy-bouncies-of-2010/
To prove that this list involves brains as well as beauty, the dopey imbeciles known as Hollywood celebrities are not on the list. Having a political opinion does not make one political, nor does playing somebody political on a television show or in a movie suffice. The people on this list engage in politics for real.
With that, here are the Top 120 Political Yummy Bouncies of 2011.
Democrats/Liberals:
10.) Maria Cantwell/Barbara Boxer
These women may both be dragging the Senate over the left cliff of sanity, but they are reasonably attractive. I am sure every man fantasizes over what Barbara Boxer must be like with laryngitis. Men who loathe her still think she could use a good spanking. She should have stayed brunette. Cantwell understands this.
http://www.lipmantimes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Cantwell.jpg
http://www.logicalrepublican.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/barbara-boxer-with-brown-hair.jpg
9.) Norah O’Donnell
She would have ranked higher like she has in past years but since she is on MSNBC, nobody watches her. She has 12 viewers. 8 of them are conservatives doing opposition research and 2 of them are lusty teenagers. Compared to the all male cast including Matthews, Schultz, and Maddow, at least Norah has estrogen.
http://www.morninpaper.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/norah-odonnell-small.jpg
8.) The slutwalkers
Women are threatening to engage in slutwalks. They are letting us all know that they will prance around scantily clad to teach us all a lesson. As long as they are young and attractive, fine by me.
http://knightnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/slutwalk5.jpg
7.) Tamara Holder
This tough liberal attorney is allowed to talk about the penal code whenever she wants. What is about lawyers named Holder screwing up the system? Unlike Eric, at least this Holder does not have a mustache.
http://www.about-knowledge.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/tamara-holder.jpg
6.) Tina Fey
In real life she is a typical elitist snob, a nobody on a show that was funny before she was born. She became a somebody by imitating a somebody, that being Sarah Palin. It is sad when your best accomplishment is being mistaken for somebody else, but that is what happens when one is on a television show thirty years past its golden years.
http://www.askmen.com/women/galleries/actress/tina-fey/picture-1.html
5.) Oprah Winfrey
After 25 years she is leaving television. Despite being a liberal, conservatives should always appreciate her for knocking Phil Donahue off the air. Also, we should fear her because she runs the world. Her boyfriend Steadman Graham is the current Attorney General.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZhsEFoELYqc/TQISLb_j4LI/AAAAAAAAAhQ/ld_v4egPUe8/s1600/oprah-winfrey.jpg
4.) Kirsten Powers
She dated the appropriately named yet slightly misspelled Anthony Weiner. She is a liberal who is sane. Conservatives can listen to her without suffering permanent ear damage. She is capable of offering reasonable analysis, which is probably why she broke up with Weiner to begin with. The pic of her has her giggling while the word “batteries” is on the ticker. What a naughty coincidence.
http://robertspuhler.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341c919a53ef0148c73c0c2d970c-320wi
3.) Leslie Marshall
She is another liberal willing to concede that conservatives have a right to exist. I have sparred with her on her radio program. She is tough but fair. She is also hot.
http://www.allaccess.com/assets/img/editorial/raw/lm/lmarshall.jpg
2.) Alicia Menendez
She is a fiery latina leftist. Admit it men. Even if you are not listening to a word she is saying, she looks great saying it.
http://aliciamenendez.com/about/
1.) Alina Kabaeva
This pro-Kremlin woman reminds me of the 1980s movie “Secrets of the Red Bedroom.” She has been linked romantically to Vladimir Putin. Both deny this, but why does Vlady get women like this…because he can. The entire reason to be a dictator is to get women like this.
http://state-of-the-nation.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/Alina-Kabayeva.jpg
Independents/Centrists:
10.) Cinnamon Stouffer
This CNN Headline News honey now goes by her middle name Linda. I remember a commercial from the 1980s “Help yourself to Stouffer’s Pizza.” I sure wish I could.
http://www.ranqit.com/viewimage.aspx?img=img*85*memb*5*
9.) Melissa Theuriau
She is a French journalist. To be French and non-detestable is commendable when graded on her very lovely curves.
http://neosexist.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/melissa-theuriau.jpg
8.) Amy Robach
The Today Show, like NBC itself, is so yesterday. Yet this woman is the loveliest thing they have seen since Jane Pauley was thrown overboard for not being hot enough. Shockingly enough, it was liberal white males who engaged in sexism while liberal women stayed silent.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/e/e1/Amy_Robach.jpg/200px-Amy_Robach.jpg
7.) Anita McNaught
This Fox News correspondent is so regal with that British accent. She is as sophisticated as it gets.
http://www.bigredtoybox.com/networkpages/anitamcnaught.jpg
6.) Erin Burnett
This CNN anchor is a new goddess that will hopefully be on the scene for some time.
http://www1.pictures.gi.zimbio.com/Meet+The+Press+7W7MRmCU-N3l.jpg
5.) Kiran Chetry
She was on Fox News, and she still was noticed for her beauty. That says a lot given the bevy of competition. Yet she moved to CNN and instantly rocketed to the top.
http://img2.timeinc.net/people/i/2008/news/080428/kiran_chetry.jpg
4.) Margaret Brennan
This Bloomberg Television beauty makes more than the market rise. For those who grew up on Maria Bartiromo, there is serious competition in the “money honey” department.
http://www.reportercaps.com/current/cnbc/margaret_brennan.jpg
3. Dierdre Bolton
Bloomberg Television now has the equivalent of the Doublemint Twins with another stunner. She is not related to the former United Nations Ambassador and she also does not have a mustache.
http://www.bloomberg.com/personalities/deirdre_bolton/
2.) Dagen McDowell
Whether on CNN or her current gig at Fox Business, she is still the Scarlett O’Hara of finance.
http://www.sobeautymag.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/dagen-mcdowell2.bmp
1.) Ruby the Heartthrob (Karima El Mahroug)
This 17 year old is why Silvio Berlusconi is the luckiest billionaire on Earth, assuming there are no consequences. The Italian Prime Minister and his Bunga Bunga sex parties gave us Ruby’s great bongos. Not only is she lovely, but Bunga Bunga is just fun to say. I think it involves trampolines. If Berlusconi did sleep with her, the answer is again the obvious. Because he can. That is the whole point of being a wealthy billionaire who runs an entire nation.
http://tv.rightcelebrity.com/wp-content/photos/Ruby_Heartthrob.jpg
Republicans/Conservatives:
There is going to be serious controversy with this list. While Shannen Doherty gets a lifetime beauty notice, she has not done anything political lately. Once she reenters the political arena, she will vault back to her customary perch atop the beauty list as the hottest woman on Earth.
Mary Katharine Ham is not on the list. She recently got married, and my wedding present to her is to spare her the indignity of this nonsense. She will most likely return next year.
There are so many stunning conservative women, and I own the calendar to prove it. I bought it at CPAC and Kate Obenshain autographed it. Yet like cutting a budget, tough choices have to be made and I made them.
10.) Jan Brewer
Yes, I know. Some of you think I have lost my ever loving mind. Hey, Racquel Welch is looking phenomenal at 70, and Joan Collins is still elegant. How can one not lust after a woman who is constantly mentioned in the same sentence as “crackdown.” She is on the forefront of law and order in America, and that is hot.
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/.a/6a00d8341c630a53ef013481534ea8970c-600wi
9.) Lisa Baron/Delia Lopez/Elizabeth Halseth/Mande Wilkes
Delia Lopez ran for Congress in Oregon in 2010. Elizabeth Halseth in 2010 entered the Nevada state legislature. Mande Wilkes ran for the state legislature in South Carolina. Lisa Baron is a Republican Jewish brunette who wrote a political sex book. The fact that she is not number one shows how amazing the women ahead of her are. Sadly enough, none of the women on this list to my knowledge are in her book.
http://www.tdbimg.com/files/2011/06/12/img-bs-bottom—goldberg-life-of-the-party_212037590383.jpg
http://www.dlopezforcongress.com/
http://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-snc4/211884_100001074696095_5117528_n.jpg
http://www.gotpink.us/2elizabethhalseth01.jpg
8.) Mary Taylor
The Lieutenant Governor of Ohio is one of the least well known of the stunning Mama Grizzlies, but being second in line to John Kasich should make her stand out.
http://media.cleveland.com/open_impact/photo/mary-taylorjpg-cab67c2cac28a702.jpg
7.) Ellen Karis
This Greek goddess of conservative comedy is funny, and married to a Jewish guy. Sadly, that man is not me.
6.) Sarah Palin/Michele Bachmann
The two hottest women ever to run for the White House are also two of the nicest, sweetest, and downright loveliest. They are both hopelessly in love with their own husbands, which is sweet and beautiful, but unfair to all other men everywhere. Kristi Noem is a newcomer to Congress from South Dakota. May she stay forever. The right has Kristi Noem while the left have garden gnomes.
The pic of Palin is obviously fake, but it is so lovely I had to use it anyway. I have no evidence she listens to the Jonas Brothers.
http://images.sodahead.com/polls/000981361/Michele_Bachmann_1_xlarge.jpeg
5.) Andrea Tantaros
Continuing with the Greek Aphrodite theme, Andrea Tantaros remains the conservative woman easy on the eyes who will make your ears bleed if you get on her bad side. She may have been the one who found the heel of Achilles in the Iliad. She certainly understands what men like…her.
http://conservativeamerican.org/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/tantaros-freeper.jpg
4.) Jill Rowland
She ran for Congress in New York in 2010. The freezing winter is no match for her sultry warmth.
http://northshorejournal.org/rowland-for-congress-in-ny-28
3.) Carol Vorderman
This British bombshell was a game show host who is rumored to be politically supportive of the Tories. At age 50 she just beat out 27 year old Royal Pippa for England’s coveted “Rear of the Year” award. She laughed and admitted that she has always “had a big bum.”
http://www.dailyshame.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/carol-vorderman-940324692.jpg
http://autogasm.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/carolvordermanbendingover.jpg?w=348&h=487
http://www.graziadaily.co.uk/pub/21publish/f/fashion/2_844.jpg
2.) Rebecca Kleefisch
The Lieutenant Governor of Wisconsin is a smoldering beauty who sadly got married and had children before I could vote myself and send a diamond encrusted ballot. As the second in command to Governor Scott Walker, she is at the forefront of the battle to subdue the rabid, frothing unions. They are low and crass while she remains high class.
http://towleroad.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341c730253ef013488887840970c-800wi
1.) Tzipi Hotovely
This Israeli legislator should change her name to “Simply So Lovely.” She belongs to Likud and really looks good. She may be the hottest conservative Jewish brunette on Earth. She came to Los Angeles, and left without me getting a chance to propose to her. Now she may never know that I am adding my name to the billions of men who want her. She is so hot that even Palesimian men put down their rocket launchers and try to launch themselves in her direction.
She is the Top Conservative Republican Yummy Bouncy of 2011.
http://www.knesset.gov.il/mk/images/members/Hotovely_Tzipi.jpg
http://www.israelnationalnews.com/static/pictures/resized/136-106/50/50195.jpg
http://www.tzipi.org.il/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/IMG_9267-e12898655979871.gif
The women on this list all have something in common besides being hot. They have never let me touch, smell, or taste them. I may have been allowed to look at them. Because they are hot, I listen to all of them.
These are the Top 120 Political Yummy Bouncies of 2011.
As for any Republican Jewish brunettes who let me enjoy their yummy bouncies this calendar year, thank you very much.
Now to sleep and to dream about about them while counting them. 4…8…12…zzzzz
eric
The NOW/Anthony Weiner 2011 Summer Trouserthon
Sunday, June 12th, 2011Every man in America who has ever taken a picture of his own (redacted) should mail the pics to the National Organization for Women. They love that stuff. If it bothered them, they would comment about Anthony Weiner. Come on guys, give the NOW what they want.
If women can do a Slutwalk March, then let’s declare June 19th the first annual 2011 Male Summer Trouserthon.
All men are ordered to drop trou in front of NOW members until they criticize Anthony Weiner. All other women not in the NOW should be treated with respect.
Those unwilling to drop trou should send the NOW discount coupons for hot dogs. All hail Trouserthon 2011!
This will be an all day event on Sunday, June 19th, 2011. There will be fun for the entire family, unless the family consists of NOW members. After all, they do not know how to have fun.
The official mascot of the event Trouserthon 2011 will be the NOW Ostrich. Every time we show a picture of a liberal behaving badly, the mascot will run around aimlessly and then stick his head in the sand.
There will be comedians performing at Trouserthon as well.
“The problem with women is their standards. They have them. So my hope is that 90% of men act worse so I can be one of the best with less effort…yet they should not act so badly that women give up on all of us. it is hard work maintaining such a delicate balance.”
“Maybe Anthony Weiner was smart to take pics. I have been trying to prove for years that I fathered Elizabeth Hurley’s baby and nobody believes me. I wish I had the proof. Would I pay child support for 18 years just for bragging rights? Ummm, yeah.”
“The real Anthony Weiner scandal is that despite destroying his family in a sex scandal, he did not actually get to have sex with anyone. Even Deuce Bigalow had sex with one of them! 100 years from now teenage boys will learn about Weiner and feel better about themselves. Somebody stamp a scarlet L on this loser’s forehead.”
In an attempt to appeal to the sensitive sissy beta males, there will even be poetry readings. However, it will still be alpha male poetry.
“As I kissed her lips sweet as molasses, she wiggled her hips and broke my glasses.”
The official movie of Trouserthon 2011 will be “Old School.” A costume contest will give prizes to those most resembling Will Ferrell, Vince Vaughn, and Luke “The Godfather” Wilson. For those who want to play in the Jello wrestling ring, one must either be young, nubile, and female, or resemble Joseph “Blue” Pulaski as seen in the movie.
There will be musical interludes.
To quote Humpty Hump of Digital Underground, “I don’t go nowhere without my jim hat. Cause if I’m rapping as if she’s clapping then I’m strapping cause I’m smarter than that.”
The Divinyls offer wisdom by crooning, “I don’t want anybody else, cause when I think about you I touch myself.”
I personally don’t like to touch myself because I don’t know where I’ve been, but Anthony Weiner does not have that problem.
So for those of you who grew up (or never did) in the 80s, break out your jams. Mine have red, yellow, blue, and black fishies on them. Hey, fishies are more manly than duckies.
There will be waterslides.
There will be plenty of food. Naturally there will be Weiner on a stick among other yummy noshables.
Think of this as a combination of a carnival, a circus, and a bazaar, not to be confused with a bizarre. That would be Anthony Weiner.
There will also be parlor games similar to what one would find at Six Flags. One can throw beanbags at bottles with pictures of Congressman Weiner, John Edwards, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dominique Strauss-Khan, Eliot Spitzer, Bill Clinton, and Ted Kennedy on them.
Only men that the NOW gives a free pass to will be featured. Those actually criticized for their misdeeds will be spared.
After clips of “Old School” are played on the big screen, there will be a drinking contest in honor of “Frank the Tank.” The winner gets a Matchbox car shaped like the Ted Kennedy mobile that drove off the Chappaquiddick Bridge as the NOW stayed silent. It will even have an action figurine shaped like the late Senator Kennedy. Naturally, the figurine will be pantsless.
Get ready guys. The NOW/Trouserthon 2011 is seven days away.
Let’s party until there are consequences, which according to the NOW and Congressman Anthony Weiner is never.
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