Archive for the ‘MUSIC’ Category

Kurt Cobain’s Presidential Predictions

Saturday, June 4th, 2011

For those trying to handicap presidential elections, quit wasting time. The next few elections are already decided.

From now on I am turning to Kurt Cobain for my election analysis. He cannot be any farther off than those making predictions today.

The Nirvana singer has been dead since 1994, but subliminal messages in his biggest hit song predicted the 2008 election. Using the hidden codes in his music will unlock the key to American leadership for the next two decades.

The next president after Barack Obama will either be Mitt Romney or Tim Pawlenty.

After that we will have an actor as President. The tradition of Ronald Reagan will continue. This time it will be Jeff Goldblum. He starred in “The Fly.”

After President Goldblum we will go from another guy who could be nicknamed “the fly,” but for much more dubious reasons. If John Edwards is unable to serve because he is in prison, then all signs point toward the repeal of the 22nd Amendment and Bill Clinton serving a third term. I am not happy about this, but the history has already been written.

I personally never cared for the music of Nirvana, but now that they are political prognosticators I may rethink them. Most likely I will not.

I cannot believe it was right in front of our faces and all of America missed it.

Obama…Romney/Pawlenty…Goldblum…Clinton/Edwards.

A mulatto…an albino…a mosquito…my libidio.

These lyrics were once thought to be nonsensical gibberish. Now they are the future.

The only other way to read this is to take the Weird Al Yankovic spoof of the song. He gave us “Smells like Nirvana.”

A garage band…from Seattle…well it sure beats…raising cattle.

This means that the next president will be Thaddeus McCotter, who plays in a band called the “Second Amendments.” After that will be Baghdad Jim McDermott. The backlash from his leadership will be so severe that Americans will swing to the right and elect the current outgoing Kentucky Agriculture Secretary Richie Farmer. An Agriculture Secretary named Farmer is pretty cool. The current Treasury Secretary could be named “Wastrel.”

Now that the future is decided, pundits can relax until it is time to debate election 2032 or 2040, whichever comes first (let it go).

Then again, maybe “Smells like teen spirit” is not a prediction of the future or even a lament of Code Pink protesters or Ron Paul supporters at CPAC. A further analysis of the song may render all of this moot.

“It’s so hard, so hard to find…oh well, whatever…never mind.”

Grunge and punditry…never mind.

eric

Barack Obama, Meet Susan Boyle

Wednesday, December 29th, 2010

For those who did not know I have a Susan Boyle swimsuit pinup calendar, now you do.

Yet as a combination of her sexiness and cabin fever from this hotel room and the cold outside finally gets to me, I stave off dementia by doing what any alpha male would do in this situation.

I sing show tunes out loud to myself.

(No, not really. I would kick my own @ss if I did, and would deserve it.)

I shall let Susan Boyle dream her dream in her own voice first.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxPZh4AnWyk

I think of Barack Obama feeling the same loneliness, wondering how such a promising start went so wrong.

So as we prepare to shove 2010 under the bus where Barack Obama keeps those no longer useful to him, I wonder how beautiful it would be if Barack Obama would officially whine and complain one last time by lamenting his fate to the beautiful soothing sounds of the Boyle Goddess.

Think of it as the new version of Boyle’s Law, which even Barack Obama and phony climate change hucksters admit is settled science. Combine the ultimate in substance with Ms. Boyle and add in a heaping dose of shallow words lacking any substance to balance it out with Barack Obama.

I now present my final show tune of 2011, Barack Obama singing Susan Boyle and “I Dreamed a Dream.”

I dreamed the Dream Act wouldn’t die…

Amnesty for all of us here living…

I knew my health care plan was lies…

I dreamed God and voters would be forgiving.

I smoked and Californians toked…

The new dream to be broke and wasted…

Republican ransoms to be paid…

No taxes raised, liberals chastened.

The angry calls come at night…

A yelling voice of thunder…

Hillary hopes I fall apart…

So in 2012 my dreams she’ll plunder.

I dream Iran will come to me…

We will live our lives in peace together…

But there are dreams that cannot be…

My cap and trade can’t stop cold weather.

I had a dream my life would be…

So different from placating mad Michelle…

Can’t you all shut up, agree with me…

You’ re always wrong, I’m always right

Palin’s dumb, I am so bright

It’s not my fault, I’m just a man

Hope, change, change, hope

Hope, change, change, hope

Hope, change, change, hope

Yes we can…

Well maybe we can’t, I gave it my all

But if we can’t, it’s Bush’s fault…

At least those killed in war can ask and tell.

They got theirs.

Where is the dream I dreamed?

For those who dreamed a dream that this blog would come back tomorrow with my 2011 TYGRRRR EXPRESS State of the Blog Address, I look forward to making all of your dreams come true.

If I thoroughly disappoint you, then that just means I am less a Republican elephant and more like Dumbo the Elephant.

You know Dumbo…the singing Disney voice (and the girth, but enough about my 4am fantasies) of Susan Boyle, but the adorable ears of Barack Obama, used for everything except listening.

eric

My animal rights heroism

Tuesday, November 23rd, 2010

I will not be covering the North Korea skirmish with South Korea because we do not have all the facts. It could be anything from World War III to a mistake (yeah right). Nothing should be ruled in or out.

I will also not be spending any more time on the Thanksgiving Day airport situation because my attempt to have the ladies on Desperate Housewives turned into honorary airport security for the week has failed. Without Teri Hatcher or Eva Longoria doing the frisking, I think I will stay home.

So today is a day for me to be lighthearted and thankful that I do not have to observe Gloria Allred groaning in pleasure as some sweaty behemoth plays with her granny panties.

The one man who has had the good fortune to be me is quite lucky and blessed indeed.

Those living vicariously through me have witnessed or observed my greatness.

There was the time I gave up my seat to a black woman on a bus, making me the second coming of Rosa Parks. The fact that I was getting off at that stop anyway is irrelevant.

There was also the time when I spoke to a woman without staring at her cleavage.

Yes, she was hideous, but that is immaterial. I did not look at her at all, champion of feminism that I am.

I became a hero of the gay rights movement by offering a brilliant compromise of allowing gay rights for homosexual men but condemning the behavior for lesbians. I even compromised further, allowing ugly lesbians to do as they pleased. Critics accused me of just trying to get more hot women for myself. Those critics have no idea the burden I bare being a bra burning feminist.

(I wonder who’s bra that was anyway. I hope she does not want it back.)

So it is in this vein (or vain perhaps) that I reveal my animal rights heroism.

Yes, you read that correctly. I am a hero to the animal rights movement.

Some of you may point out that I am to the right of Ted Nugent when it comes to the philosophy of beef, which is kill it and grill it.

(On Thanksgiving Thursday, stabbing a turkey with a fork is a guilty pleasure, although the turkey is already dad and quite flavorful thanks to the good makers of Swanson dinners.)

I also agree with Nugent on his philosophy of “Wang, dang, sweet (redacted),” but that is for another day.

Anyway, back to me being a hero and animal lover.

The year was 2006. I was in Honolulu. The country bar was “Nashville Waikiki.”

For those confused, I was not in Tennessee. I was in Oahu, Hawaii. It was a country music bar on Kuhio Avenue.

I saw “her.” I will not elaborate about her, because she was your standard hot raven-haired Goddess…no biggie.

Yet I know that nothing warms the hearts of most women like trees and animals. I have no idea why, but flora, fauna, and furry fuzzies make them want to visit the island of fornicatia.

As for me, if one thing gets my hackles up, it is abuse of animals. It is one thing to eat beef, but barbecuing dogs and cats is totally unacceptable!

(This is how liberals operate. They make a statement nobody could possibly disagree with, and then accuse you of being insensitive for not saying it first, meaning you do support the evil action. I am against using goat horns to violate women, which means that everybody else I dislike supports doing this and are misogynists for not taking up the cause without me “prodding” them.)

Some barbarians actually eat horse meat, which is illegal. According to my Dennis Leary handbook on animals, we are only supposed to care about the cute ones. Otters and seals get to live. Cows are steaks and baseball gloves.

Well horsies are adorable, and it is high time somebody stepped in and saved them all.

So in the spirit of protecting these noble creatures, I needed to let this brunette Goddess know how I felt about combating the evil and brutality involved with hurting these animals.

I walked toward her, and with inspiration from animal lovers Big and Rich, showed my compassion.

“Sweetness,” I said to her…

“Save a horse, ride a cowboy.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qt0_oPPK6eA

With that, she understood my message. I was a lustful humanitarian.

“I saddle up my horse, and I ride into the city…

I make a lot of noise, ’cause the girls they are so pretty…

Riding up and down Broadway, on my old stud Leroy…

All the girls say ‘Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy.'”

So to that cowgirl who was part Nashville, part Waikiki, and 100% brunette Goddess, I would like to thank you for helping me spread my…cause.

Even a guy who is 5 ft 5 can be tall in the (side) saddle.

I will not rest until every animal is saved or I am exhausted, whichever comes first.

No need to thank me. I was just doing what I (lusted) loved.

To all of those horses (and horses’ hides also known as animal rights activist zealots) who are alive today because she decided to save a horse and ride a cowboy, there is only one thing to say.

You’re welcome. I would do it again…and again…and again.

eric

The Next Republican Jewish Brunette…Bring it on Woman!!!

Friday, November 19th, 2010

Screw tactfulness. This is business and personal.

Apparently I am single again.

I am so busy with work that I don’t even have time to pursue women. This should never happen. Last night it occurred to me that I have a mailing list of 11,000 people. It is time to start putting you all to work.

You all know women that I don’t. Introduce me to them.

Ok, that was the easy part. Now for the hard part.

I know exactly what I want.

I want a Republican Jewish brunette who likes football.

Some of you may recall that I was recently involved with that type of woman.

As for why the relationship broke up, I am going to follow the example of one of my political heroes, George W. Bush. Criticism of the previous romantic administration will not be found here. Publicly I will say she had many good qualities, and anything negative is private and kept on lockdown.

Here are some things I have observed in terms of past relationships, so that I can clarify what I want.

“Republican Jewish brunette who likes football” is not as simple as it sounds. It leaves too much open.

Being politically right of center is a must. Yet agreeing with me is insufficient. We do not need to spend every minute of the day discussing politics, but my career is political. At any moment somewhere in the United States, I might be asked to do an event with a senator or governor, which means they fly me out and put me up in a hotel. This is what I do. I need a political wife, one who likes hobnobbing at political functions. She has to be ok with the rubber chicken circuit, and my traveling for business. We will be a political power couple.

Jewish does not mean “willing to convert.” I have been burned before. The conversion process is arduous. I want somebody already Jewish by all legal religious standards. If you had a legal conversion, that is fine. I want somebody who is proud to be Jewish. Level of religiosity is less important than simply being comfortable and happy around Jewish people. This means socializing from time to time at Jewish dinner parties, and raising Jewish children.

The wife will have 99% of the say in terms of what type of house we have. While I have a deep respect for other religions, I do not practice them and they will not be in my home.

Brunette is a preference, not a deal-breaker.

I like to watch NFL Football on Sundays. We can do whatever you want to do Monday through Saturday. On Sundays I like to watch my games. Please respect that. You can watch with me or go do something else. Complaining you are bored and unable to understand how a guy can spend his Sunday indoors is not ok.

(I love my dad, but he has said this to me many times.)

Everybody should have a passion for something, and mine is football. I play in a league as well.

So if you are politically liberal, do not tell me you are open-minded. I am not. I want a Republican woman. I have dated liberals before. If I just liked politics, that would be one thing. It is my career.

No schoolteachers or social workers. You are all bleeding heart liberals. If you are a Republican in these professions, I would be shocked, and willing to consider it. I do not get along well with people in the entertainment industry. I am willing to ogle your backside from time to time, but not snort cocaine off of it.

I am a hard-charging corporate Type A guy. I want a corporate, professional woman. I have always been attracted to Wall Street type women. Legal and medical professionals are great as well.

Most importantly, I am an extrovert. I cannot date introverts. If you are shy, quiet, and mousey, I will overwhelm you. Aggressive is fine.

You must be fun. Fun is subjective, but I have long-lasting friendships. All of my friendships are long-term. They will tell you I am a fun guy to be around, gregarious and jovial. I do not drink or smoke, but love socializing and people-watching.

My favorite cities regarding women:

1) Brooklyn–The best women in the world. Moxie!

2) Miami–South Beach rocks.

3) Deep South–Lord have mercy.

I find too many women in Los Angeles to be toxic, but will not rule it out. I can’t. I live here. There are too many women in the professions I dislike and not enough corporate women here.

Here are some things that various women have done over the years that I liked a lot.

1) Cosmic Bowling—lights low…we danced in the alley to the music.

2) July 4th–At a beach party at a house, we climbed up on the ledge and danced under the fireworks.

3) One woman grabbed my arm and took me on the dance floor. Aggressive, but I liked her moxie.

4) Halloween–Matching costumes at the freak show in West Hollywood, making friends with total strangers.

5) Hanukkah–I love Hanukkah, and so did she. I hope you do as well.

I love going to restaurants. I will dress up if I absolutely have to. I will dress up above the waist and put on a sport jacket, but jeans and sneakers thank you much.

My two main rules are…1) Don’t be shallow. 2) Don’t be crazy.

If you think you are better than the waiter serving us, get lost. If you have a variety of illnesses, I gave to charity at the office and am tapped out. I am healthy and want that in a partner.

Oh, and I eat red meat and refuse to drive hybrids. Meat tastes good and Pious (Prius) drivers are insufferable. Worse than being on the left politically, they drive slowly in the left lane.

Ok, so I said what I wanted. What am I willing to give?

A ton. If you want to be a wife and mother, I am eager to become a husband and father. I have had a great single life, but I want my partner in crime. Tell me what you want and need. The worst that can happen is I cannot give it. Not everybody is a match. I come from a good family, and my family and friends would welcome you in with open arms. Also, I have my act together. I hope you do as well.

So for those of you out there who thinks you know somebody I could be happy with, or at the very least share mutual toleration, send her my way.

After all, I am not on Facebook to play computer games. I use this site for business.

Pleasure is business, and business is personal.

Please send your recommendations privately.

Lastly, I only want one woman. I am totally into the monogamy thing.

eric

Defending Michael Steele

Tuesday, July 6th, 2010

RNC Chairman Michael Steele is under fire.

I am firing back.

Somebody has to defend this good and decent man, and I am happy to do it.

If Michael Steele goes down, it will not be the fault of leftists, liberals, President Obama, the Pelosiraptor, or any of the usual suspects screwing up virtually everything else in America.

If Michael Steele goes down, it will be Republicans and conservatives who will deservedly get the blame.

I have met Chairman Steele on three separate occasions. I met him at the 2008 GOP Convention in Minneapolis, and at a Republican Jewish Coalition event in South Florida. I recently did an event with him in Idaho.

On all three occasions, the same thing occurred. Michael Steele lit up the crowd.

I like the man. Actually, let me be more clear. I love the man. He is the right man at the right time for a Republican Party that desperately needs to expand its reach.

He was not an affirmative action hire. He is proof that one can be a minority and still have substance, without exploiting minorities while lining his own pockets like several liberal black “reverends.”

He is not out spreading hate speech like his DNC counterpart Howard Screaming Dean.

(Dean apparently has been banned from speaking. When one is too crazy for liberals, that says a ton.)

I totally disagree with the notion that the Afghanistan war is unwinnable. Yet Steele was completely correct when he said that the war was “Obama’s war.”

This is a true statement. The war started under Mr. Obama’s predecessor, but he made a conscious decision to send more troops (after plenty of dithering and poll testing and focus groups). Despite the fact that Mr. Obama refuses to take responsibility for anything (unless it is positive, where he takes full credit), he owns this war now. If the war ends up being a debacle, it will not be his predecessor’s fault. He could pull all the troops out tomorrow, but likes keeping his own job.

One thing Chairman Steele has going against him is that Ron Paul defended him. That is not Chairman Steele’s fault, although getting support from Ron Paul is one step above getting support from Don King.

Michael Steele has made controversial comments (although again nothing compared to Howard Dean). However, he should be judged by only one criteria, and that is substance. Forget what he says. Look at what he has done.

His job is to build the party. He is doing that. He is a phenomenal fundraiser. He is a great speaker who inspires people.

(Unlike a president, a party leader speaking well is sufficient.)

He also has won every major race since his election as GOP leader. Republicans swept the governorships in New Jersey and Virginia, in addition to other vital races.

Some say we would have won those races anyway, but those armchair quarterbacks are just that. The 2010 elections are coming upon us, and Chairman Steele should be judged by those results.

I am tired of weak-kneed Republicans who have spent their lives caving in to the Democrats telling me who my Republican leader should be. These same Republicans run against Democrats and lose.

(More than one commentator I deeply respect also favors his removal. I respectfully but fiercely disagree with them. Not all of Steele’s Republican critics are spineless sissies, but enough of them are.)

Until Howard Dean is fired, Michael Steele should be left alone. Better yet, have Steele step down the moment Joe Biden stops being given a free pass for a lifetime of verbal idiocy and is dismissed.

If I hear “aww, that’s just Joe being Joe” one more time I am going to hit the roof.

Republicans have to stop eating their own. Democrats support each other. We throw each other under the bus. The Democrats allow a bigot to be the DNC Chair, and Republicans are not allowed to have a guy that occasionally misspeaks?

Do Republicans remember what happened when we threw Newt Gingrich under the bus? We became drunken sailor spendthrift Democrats with no vision. Republicans complained that Gingrich made dumb comments that could have cost the GOP its majority. It was Gingrich who got them the majority to begin with.

We are about to make the same mistake again by cannibalizing a Republican who had the nerve to speak off the cuff and was recorded without his permission.

(Republicans need to remember that the microphone is always on. Trent Lott was butchered for harmless comments. He failed to understand that only liberals have free speech.)

Republicans get nervous when the media shows us exit polls, even though those polls are often wrong. They love stories of GOP divisions.

We are a big tent party and a family. Divisions are healthy. It is the Democrats who ban dissenting opinions.

If we throw Michael Steele to the wolves, we will only have ourselves to blame when the Democrats and their media friends gleefully run stories of GOP turmoil up until November.

The goal is to demoralize Republicans and depress turnout in 2010, and prevent what should be a GOP electoral tidal wave. In 1994 we held firm. We need to do so again.

The GOP is energized right now, and it is totally unfair to deny Steele credit for a portion of that energy.

He is a good Republican and a good leader. Stand by him.

eric

A pair of heartfelt Father’s Day songs

Sunday, June 20th, 2010

On this Father’s Day, it would be nice if my father could be healthy. Between being a Holocaust survivor and having a pair of open heart surgeries in addition to eye problems, he has not caught many breaks.

He and I are very different people with very different interests. He still remembers reading to me as a kid, and is amazed at how fast time flies.

On this day I am thinking of two songs. Neither of them are happy songs, but they are heartfelt. The first one was a song he sang to me when I was a kid. It was done by Jim Croce and redone by Ugly Kid Joe. It is entitled “Cats in the Cradle.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=un2EfjEJAOA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B32yjbCSVpU

The second song is by Mike and the Mechanics, entitled “The Living Years.” It is a very poignant song that is a good blueprint for fathers and sons everywhere.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGDA0Hecw1k

Here is “Cats in the Cradle.”

“My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin’ ‘fore I knew it, and as he grew
He’d say ‘I’m gonna be like you dad
You know I’m gonna be like you’

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home dad?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
You know we’ll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, ‘Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let’s play
Can you teach me to throw’, I said ‘Not today
I got a lot to do’, he said, ‘That’s ok’
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, ‘I’m gonna be like him, yeah
You know I’m gonna be like him’

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home son?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
You know we’ll have a good time then

Well, he came home from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
‘Son, I’m proud of you, can you sit for a while?’
He shook his head and said with a smile
‘What I’d really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?’

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home son?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
You know we’ll have a good time then

I’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, ‘I’d like to see you if you don’t mind’
He said, ‘I’d love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job’s a hassle and kids have the flu
But it’s sure nice talking to you, Dad
It’s been sure nice talking to you’

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He’d grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home son?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then son
You know we’ll have a good time then”

On more than one occasion I thought I would not have a father. As awful as his health is, he is alive. I now have a job with frequent travel, so I book as many gigs as possible in South Florida so I can visit my parents. It is too late when we are gone to wish we had visited more often.

We are all busy. We have to make the time.

As for the song “The Living Years,” it is one of the most heartfelt songs ever written.

“Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door

I know that I’m a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I’m a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thoughts
Stilted conversations
I’m afraid that’s all we’ve got

You say you just don’t see it
He says it’s perfect sense
You just can’t get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talkin’ in defense

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It’s too late when we die
To admit we don’t see eye to eye

So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It’s the bitterness that lasts

So Don’t yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different date
And if you don’t give up, and don’t give in
You may just be O.K.

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It’s too late when we die
To admit we don’t see eye to eye

I wasn’t there that morning
When my Father passed away
I didn’t get to tell him
All the things I had to say

I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I’m sure I heard his echo
In my baby’s new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It’s too late when we die
To admit we don’t see eye to eye

Say it loud, say it clear
Say it loud
Don’t give up
Don’t give in
And don’t know what you can do next”

I really hope that I bring a son into the world while my dad is alive. After all he has been through, I know he badly wants a grandson. However, part of growing up is a man living his own life on his own terms. If it happens, great. If not, it was not meant to be.

My father and I remain very different people. Yet at least we said we needed to say in the living years.

Dad, I hope this Father’s Day brings you good health. More than anything, you want, need, and deserve that.

I love you dad. Happy…and Healthy…Father’s Day.

eric

Give Seattle to Canada

Saturday, June 5th, 2010

We should just give Seattle to Canada and be done with it.

I hate coffee, rain, grunge, technology geeks, and smugness, which seems to be everything that is Seattle.

(I also used to dislike the Seahawks, but they are no longer a rival of the Raiders.)

The Seattle Post Intelligencer is the biggest oxymoron since “tough diplomacy,” and “Jews for Jesus.”

Does anything good come out of that place?

The Seahawks used to be at the top of all that is detestable about Seattle. The Kingdome was a house of horrors for the Oakland Raiders. Now they are just a team with ghastly uniforms. They now play in an open stadium, proving that idiocy exists in the Pacific Northwest.

How can anyone live in a place where it rains 300 days per year? Some people romanticize the rain. I think they should be forced to stay outdoors permanently. There is nothing romantic about getting wet socks and shoes. That leads to death by pneumonia.

As for technology geeks, I wish I could hit control, alt, delete, and get rid of them all. Every time they come out with a new and improved version of their product, it is incompatible with the old version. The first thing they disable is the ability to send them complaint emails.

The liberalism is out of control. I would declare it smug liberalism, but in Seattle that is redundant.

The only thing worse than regular liberals are latte liberals. I don’t care if they are Grande, Venti, or whatever the heck those things are called. Anybody who pays $5 for a cup of a beverage needs to have their head examined. At least at McDonalds the lady who scalded herself only paid $1 for her cup of scalding hot death beverage.

Yet the worst of Seattle has to be the remnants of grunge.

For those who do not know, the golden age of rock music occurred from 1986 to 1992. It was known as “glam rock” or “hair metal.” The guys had long hair and high falsetto voices. It was happy rock.

Then in 1992, grunge descended on America. Some incoherent individual decided that smelling like teen spirit was somehow something positive.

(I am not speaking ill of the dead. If Cobain was still alive I would still be hostile toward his music.)

“A mulatto…an albino…a mosquito…my libido…”

Does anybody know what the heck he was saying?

Really. Come on. Here are my versions.

“Eat gelato…Spearmint Rhino…a potato…a torpedo…

Sing legato…with a wino…in Salado…eating Fritos…

From Novato…to Encino…Corleon-o…he shot Fredo…

Baked Risotto…parmesagno…add romano…that’s my credo…YEAH!”

NO!

How about Kurt Cobain agonizing while singing “Polly want a cracker.” Then in the song for some bizarre reason he sings “Polly says her back hurts.”

My mom taught English. This can’t be English. I could offer my versions.

“Polly is a crack whore.”

(She very well could be.)

“Polly lives in Krakow.”

(She could be Polish.)

“Polly needs a clap cure.”

(Can birds get Syphillis?)

Kurt Cobain brought gibberish, but it was Eddie Vedder and Pearl Jam that brought the true surliness and smugness that made grunge and Seattle so contemptible.

Homeless people can’t help dressing that way. If they could afford better unripped clothing they would buy it. Eddie Vedder and his “I’m rich, I’m miserable” routine is insufferable. Songs about students committing suicide in school are not my thing.

Also, the guy had a chance to do something positive by testifying before congress on a ticket pricing issue. He showed up looking like a homeless person, and of course they ignored him. Congress may not be what it once was, but he could have put on a clean shirt and dropped his attitude long enough to make his case. This is typical behavior from a man who wins a music award, shows up to the ceremony stoned, brags about it and tacitly endorses drug use, and hands the award to the kid in the video by saying, “He’s Trevor. He lives.” He did not even bother to thank the crowd.

Enough with Nirvana, Pearl Jam, and Temple of the Dog, as if being dyslexic is trendy and hip. Enough with grunge. Good riddance.

This is what Seattle has brought us.

Seattle is the land of rain…the Seahawks…technology geeks…lattes and other coffee derivatives…liberal smugness…and grunger angst.

Give it Canada. Then we can work on Detroit. At least Detroit has Motown, not grunge.

eric

Poison Sunday–Rock Solid Bret Michaels

Sunday, May 23rd, 2010

I have always been a big fan of rock group Poison. Lead singer Bret Michaels is one of my favorite singers of all time.

http://www.tmz.com/2010/05/23/bret-michaels-celebrity-apprentice-finale-medical-staff/

http://www.bretmichaels.com/default.shtml


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poison_%28band%29

Lately he has been in and out of hospitals. He has had life threatening maladies.

The man is only 47 years old, and for as of now unexplained reasons, his body is just having a tough time.

Yes, rock stars have died young due to the “lifestyle.” Yet Mr. Michaels is a father to a couple of young girls, and he seems to be living a relatively clean lifestyle. He definitely wants to live.

Tonight he is one of two finalists along with Holly Robinson Peete to be the next Celebrity Apprentice. Ms. Peete, wife of retired NFL star Rodney Peete, is formidable. Yet I hope Bret wins.

I still remember the 1988 video for the song “Fallen Angel.” It was about somebody trying to live their dream in the entertainment industry, only to see it eventually go downhill.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71gEULkXzec

“Just a step away, from the edge of the fall…caught between heaven and hell, where’s the girl I knew a year ago…Win big, Mama’s Fallen Angel…lose big, living out her lies…wants it all, Mama’s Fallen Angel…lose big, rolling the dice of her life.”

Bret Michaels made it not just as a musician in a rock band but as a businessman. He combines creativity with smart business savvy.

He also has used his fame for good.

He was caught backstage once sticking himself with a needle. Everyone who knew thought it was a typical rocker doing drugs. It wasn’t. Bret is diabetic. He was giving himself insulin. He went public and became a spokesperson for juvenile diabetes.

During the Celebrity Apprentice, he found out that his young daughter is diabetic as well.

In the last few weeks he has been hospitalized with a brain ailment, and a ministroke. Somehow, miraculously, he is still alive.

Bret has given so much to so many in the form of great music. While many 1980s rockers faded away, Poison continued. Many people do not know that Poison put out albums in 2000 and 2002, which were every bit as good as their 1980s heyday.

Poison even repeated the failed Hollywood dream with the song “Wishful thinking.”

“Mr. Smiley” is hilarious. It is about staying optimistic with all the chaos going around.

Sexually explicit songs were common, and well written. One had guitarist CC Deville singing, on the song “I hate every bone in your body…but mine.”

Their biggest hit was their love ballad.

“Every rose has its thorn…every night has its dawn…every cowboy sings a sad sad song…every rose has its thorn.”

The name of Bret’s team on Celebrity Apprentice was “Rock Solid,” which he came up with.

He has been rock solid through everything.

This should not be a sympathy choice. He has done the job. He won his task as project manager, and was often the de facto leder as other contestants turned to him to take the lead.

He is a special person, and I will always thank him for his contributions to my coming of age. When I was a broke guy in college, taking a girl out on a date meant taking her to the rooftop of my building and slow dancing under the stars to 1980s rock ballads. Between the night sky, the rooftop jacuzzi, and the music of Poison, I managed to have some great nights that broke guys often don’t have.

Bret is ill now, but every thorn also has its rose. He will get better, and continue to provide joy for millions while raising money for his charity.

Donald Trump has an easy decision tonight. Bret Michaels should be the next Celebrity Apprentice. Bret is Rock Solid, and deserves it.

Get well Bret, and thank you for everything you have brought this world. May God bless you always.

As you say in your song “Life Goes On,” “this last mile…I travel with you.”

We are all traveling on this road with you Bret.

Be well.

eric

Update: Donald Trump chose Bret Michaels as the Celebrity Apprentice.

Trump had a very difficult decision this time, and I was curious to see how he would handle it.

On a cold, logical, business level devoid of emotion (which I often advocate), Holly Robinson Peete raised the most money in the history of the show.

On an emotional level, which I have repeatedly stated should have nothing to do with the decision, Bret Michaels nearly dying and coming back to fight for his charity does matter.

Emotion normally should not be a deciding factor, but this case was a rare and appropriate exception.

Yet the problem is that since the winning charity gets $250,000, allowing sympathy for Bret Michaels to reign supreme would cheat innocent children that Holly Peete is fighting for.

Trump got this one perfectly right. I have admired him in the past, but this time he really showed the wisdom of Solomon.

He got the Snapple executives to match his $250,000, so both contestants saw their charities win. Once that was taken care of, the winner of Celebrity Apprentice was more symbolic.

Symbols do matter. Bret Michaels showed more character than many people in this world these last few weeks.

He was one of my music heroes as a teenager, but these past few weeks I have admired him as an adult even more than as a young rocker wannabe.

Holly is the best fundraiser in the history of the show. Bret is one of the best people in the history of the show. His heart shone through from day one.

Trump has been called heartless, but if he was, he would have picked Holly. Some will say that he would have faced a torrent of media criticism, but Trump has never shied away from making unpopular decisions.

I think that even though he has made his life engaging in projects to make money, he was genuinely moved by Bret Michaels.

I know I was.

I can’t wait to meet Bret Michaels one day and thank him. He has no idea what his music did for me as a kid.

I have said many prayers for him.

Trump got it right, and Bret Michaels will hopefully rock on for years to come.

The tears flowed from many, but as Bret reminded us in Poison’s first song, you gotta “Cry Tough.”

Nice job Mr, Trump.

Very classy Holly.

Rock on always Bret. God bless.

eric

Barack Obama, Meet Mike Tramp

Tuesday, October 20th, 2009

Awhile back I recommended that Hillary Clinton meet Joey Tempest, the lead singer of 1980s hard rock group Europe.

Once again it is necessary for an 80s hard rock band to explain a Democratic politician.

It is time for Barack Obama to meet Mike Tramp.

Yes, the Mike Tramp from White Lion.

Today the Black Tygrrrr, known as the Tygrrrr Express, is endorsing White Lion.

http://www.mtv.com/music/artist/white_lion/artist.jhtml#bio

No, this is not about the great remake they did of the Golden Earring classic “Radar Love.”

It is not even about their hit song “Tell me.”

No, it is about the White Lion ballad that should be the official anthem of Barack Obama and the entire Demagoguic Party.

The song is called “When the Children Cry.”

You see, the left is throwing another one of their temper tantrums due to their own inability to actually accomplish anything.

They blame Rush Limbaugh. They blame Fox News. They blame insurance companies. They blame everybody except the people that they should blame…themselves.

Now I know some of you still have not figured it out, so let me sum it up quickly and then catch my flight back to the left coast.

Rush Limbaugh, despite what I said recently, did not cause 9/11.

Fox News is not responsible for the Holocaust.

Neither Glenn Beck nor Sean Hannity have ever cast a single vote against Obamacare, because no bill even came up for a full vote. Even if it did, they cannot vote.

People on the left despise George W. Bush, but there is no denying that he was more effective. After all, if he was ineffective, they would have no reason to despise him. Liberals love conservatives that fail to accomplish their goals.

President Bush had a 50/50 Senate, yet he got his tax cuts through.

Barack Obama has 60 Democrats in the Senate, and can’t get them to agree on anything except to blame Republicans.

When the Children Cry, let them know we tried.

The Pelosiraptor refers to the voters opposing her as Astroturf. The St. Louis Rams and Indianapolis Colts won many games on Astroturf.  Maybe she is blaming Republicans for the recent failure of the Rams. Then again, her opposition to Limbaugh buying them means she wants them to fail.

Ok, enough silliness for now.

Islamofacist terrorists are trying to kill us all. Conservatives care about this. We don’t have time for the absolute nonsense that consumes the left.

We do not have time to hold full time jobs in the private sector and come home to babysit screaming liberals children neglected by the nanny state the left loves.

The left has two options. Either accomplish something, or don’t.

Just quit the crying. Quit railing against other private citizens.

George W. Bush did not complain about MSNBC, which truly does exist to spread left-wing bile. He did not complain about the Jayson Blair Times. He did not make Gunga Dan Rather and Mary “fake but accurate” Mapes commit fraud and cover it up.

Barack Obama has not and will not ever encounter 10% of the criticism is his predecessor did for existing and breathing air.

It is nobody else’s fault but is own that he is seen worldwide as a likable wimp, as opposed to is predecessor, who as hated by those who hate this country no matter what.

Barack Obama and the left can either put up or shut up. Until they do the first, they may wish to try the second.

In the meantime, I am recommending that the Gerber company create a new line of baby food for Democrats. Perhaps the makers of Castor Oil can give them some before bed.

Until then, they can enjoy some White Lion songs.

The adults will be back in charge soon enough, and the children will be sent to their rooms again. Naturally, they will learn nothing from their experiences.

Perhaps Nancy Pelosi can join White Lion, and they can rename the band “Lady and the Tramp.”

Just kidding. She is no lady. Ladies are adults.

I am off to work, because that is what productive people do. I am hesitant to leave the Obama spokespeople at home alone, but at least if we give them a few pacifiers to suck on, the rest of America can get some piece and quiet from their bellyaching for awhile.

eric

Joe Piscopo and other (angry) mob(ster)s

Friday, August 7th, 2009

Editors Note: I am en route to San Diego for Sean Hannity and his Freedom Concert. I will not be covering the Sonia Sotomayor confirmation because there is nothing to say. She got confirmed. If Republicans want to prevent another mediocre talent and leftist ethnic grievance monger on the court, then winning back the Senate is the only hope.

Besides, I have bigger concerns.

I am now officially a mobster.

This is surprising to me. I am not Italian, and most Italians I know are not mobsters either.

I like Italian food, but found the Sopranos colossally boring. For those who said “Bada Boom!” and “Bada Bing!” I responded with “Bada Yawn,” also known as “Bada who the hell cares?”

Yet in the current health care debate, anybody that goes to a town hall meeting and disagrees with the President is now part of an angry mob.

So this is actually less about mobsters than mob(ster)s.

To be part of a mob, there is only one qualification. One has to disgaree with President Obama and refuse to be silent about this.

http://boortz.com/nealz_nuze/2009/08/but-when-in-doubt-blame-it-on.html

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204908604574334623330098540.html

http://www.nypost.com/seven/08072009/postopinion/opedcolumnists/world_burns_as_doc_o_fiddles_183348.htm

http://michellemalkin.com/2009/08/07/i-am-the-mob/

When George W. Bush was the president, dissent was patriotic. Very leftist ran wild. Were there reasonable Democrats that protested in a civil manner? Sure. Yet the lunatics were celebrated. Every organization from “Lesbian Vegans for Libya” to “Hillary’s hags and harpies” to “Bush lied, the music died” was out in full force.

Cindy Sheehan engaged in behavior toward President Bush that can only be described as stalking. Medea Benjamin and the rest of the Code Pinkos engaged in verbal bombthrowing that bordered on terrorism.

Yet despite accusations that President Bush was clamping down on free speech, those accusations from Hollywood celebrities and other leftist nitwits defied logic. After all, people yelling about censorship at the top of their lungs with no repercussions hardly sounds like a police state.

As for Barack Obama, anybody disagreeing with him is a concern. Leftists are constantly complaining about Gestapo tactics, but they seem to enjoy them themselves. After all, what else would one call collecting evidence of conservatives criticizing the President, and then emailing the White House to inform them.

Despite having the White House and both houses of Congress, the left is more enraged than ever. They still have not grasped what election after election has told the rest of the civilized world.

Leftists don’t matter. They are, were, and lord willing, will always be irrelevant.

Without rehashing past discussions, in short, conservatives get elected by saying who they are and what they believe. Liberals get elected only when conservatives mess up, and only be denying who they are. They make up phony terms like “progressives” because they are too gutless to admit they are liberals.

Because of this, there is no mandate for liberalism in America.

For those that point out the last two elections, think again. The Democrats won in 2006 by not discussing anything remotely resembling a policy or a program. They stood for nothing, which was good enough whe the Republicans were seen as less than nothing. Naturally, outside of non-binding resolutions, and hating President Bush, they did nothing.

Then they got the White House in 2008, and they claimed a mandate for liberalism. This is false because Barack Obama denied who he was from day one of his campaign. He had a mandate to fix the economy. He did not have a mandate to remake it in the tradition of FDR.

Democrats had a few brief months where blaming Republicans for everything from killing puppies and kittens to hating seniors and children worked. Yet then a funny thing happened.

The voters wanted results. They wanted the blame game to stop. The liberals were incapable of stopping.

Liberal hatred of conservatives is pathological. They need hatred the way normal human beings need  oxygen.

With no Republicans to blame, the liberals had no choice but to blame somebody. It was tornado temper tantrum time. First the Democrats lashed out at each other. The Blue Dogs correctly understood that allowing the Pelosiraptor to dictate legislation would not her. She has a safe seat. She would not care if they all lost their seats once the legislation was passed.

Yet the Blue Dogs eventually turned into lap dogs. There was just one problem. Nancy Pelosi, Barack Obama, and even Rahm Emanuel ran into the one group of people that could not be bullied…voters.

First the Democrats got shellacked at Town Halls. Then they simply decided to stop holding them. They began a ruthless assault on ordinary Americans. Just ask Joe the Plumber.

They then verbally attacked people attending tea parties and town halls as either lunatics, or plants. Now liberals are experts in having planted questioners in their midst, to ensure favorable coverage.

I remember attending a press conference by Barbara Boxer where the questioners were required to write the questions on pieces of paper, and she would choose which ones to answer.

The liberals once had complete domination of the media. Then conservatives found outlets, including talk radio. The left came unglued, knowing that dissenting conservative opinions were even allowed.

This led to citizens getting more politically active. This is not a threat to Democracy. This is democracy.

Now the left is demonizing people attending Town Halls for simply disagreeing with the President.

The left is determined to find people that act badly. In the same way Palesiminans are having a tougher time recruiting new homicide bombers, leftists are posing as hateful conservatives because mainstream conservatives refuse to act like bat spit crazy nut jobs.

When Senator Boxer complains that the protesters are fake because they dress well, she is conceding that most liberal protesters are unshaven creatures that should be profiled at airports.

I recently attended a strategy session, and we were told as conservatives that we were to be civilized and polite. We were told not to hold up any crazy signs, or yell any bad words. This is because one incident of bad behavior will allow liberals to present all conservatives as wack jobs.

The funny thing is the conservatives did not even need this advice. Unlike liberals, they do not need to experience extensive training in civilized behavior. We do not throw objects or celebrate those who do. We would never throw shoes at Barack Obama or a pie at a liberal commentator.

The left has become so unhinged that they actually accused the senior citizens in the audience of grandstanding so that they could be on You-Tube.

It was at this moment that a liberal mobster had to settle down other liberal mob(ster)s, even though he agree with them politically.

I never thought I would witness this, but the voice of reason in this discussion was Joe Piscopo.

As a political blogger, I never even thought to ever write his name. H eis an actor or comedian who was famous for something a while back. I mean no disrespect. He seems like a nice enough guy. Yet his recent appearance on Hannity was brilliant.

I still do not understand why he wa son Hannity, but again, for a Hollywood celebrity, he actually spoke like somebody thoughtful. When the You-Tube issue was brought up, Piscopo deadpanned that “These are senior citizens. They don’t even know what You-Tube is.”

I admit, to me that is hilarious, and quite accurate. They call it “new media” because it is new. It is mainly the tool of young people.

I do not know what Joe Piscopo knows about new media, but Joe Piscopo knows about mobsters. He and Danny Devito was hilarious in “Wise Guys,” when Dan Hedaya hired each of them to kill the other one. Ray Sharkey was killed, but Piscopo bungled his way into survival.

He knows comedy, and apparently he knows seniors as well. They are not looking for internet glory. That is a young thing. They do not know You-Tube from My-Space to the Space Race to the Great Space Coaster.

My father is a bright man, but he has no idea how to do most things on a computer. He is old and set in his ways. He dictates letters, and my mother types them. I taught him how to download music, and he got angry when nobody else had the songs he liked. My mother wakes up 3am to handle eBay auctions. Again, this man is no dummy. He is just old, and not interested in Twitter and Facebook. My mother checks his email.

Many seniors are angry because they truly love America, and see liberal policies wrecking the nation they inherited.

These poeople are not fake plants. The assertion is ludicrous.

The pelosiraptor claims that these people are “carpet-bombing” this country. Many of these seniors belong to the World War II generation. They know more about carpet-bombing that the Pelosiraptor ever will.

These are not political agitators. They don’t put on war paint like Code Pink. They are not college kids that wouldn’t know a fact from an opinion if it was drilled into their skulls.

The seniors simply want to get to the truth. They want congress to read the bills they vote on. They want congress to level with them.

They want honesty.

They are not an angry mob. I have seen angry mobs. During the LA Riots of 1992, I saw a city have to be put on lockdown. It was not Republican senior citizens burning and looting. It was young people with a sense of grievance and entitlement.Why would seniors steal VCRs back then? They did not even know how to program them. (I let mine blink 12:00 because twice a day, every day, it was right.)

The left can kick and scream and cry and hurl epithets. What they cannot do is govern.

They control everything, and they are repeating their mistakes of 1992.

The louder they yell, the more they will be rejected, and the more desperate they will become.

They could try reaching across the aisle, but if they did this they would not be liberals.

Again, when hatred is a religion, it is difficult to let reason trump emotion.

I will continue to exercise my right to free speech. I will engage in democracy.

I may attend some protests. I am sure the crowds will be filled with decent and civilized human beings.

For now, it is time to hang out with some great AMericans.

The Tygrrrr Express is San Diego bound, ready to hear Charlie Daniels, Lee Greenwood, and of course Sean Hannity.

I never thought I would say this, but if Joe Piscopo is there, that would be cool as well.

We will be portrayed as angry mob(ster)s, but thousands of people singing “God Bless the U.S.A.” along with Lee Greenwood sounds like a lovefest to me.

eric