THE TYGRRRR EXPRESS

Things have really gotten desperate for New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine. Politically, he is sinking.

I just wish he would stop trying to avoid his troubles by fleeing to Los Angeles and hiding in my swimming pool.

Look, if he wants to drive New Jersey into the ground, as a New Yorker living in California I could care less. Besides, I have never thought of New Jersey as an actual state. It is a province of New York, with some of it belonging to Philadelphia.

(Rangers rule, Devils suck, because I said so.)

A joke I heard as a kid was that the famous inscription written at the bottom of the Statue of Liberty read, “New Jersey sucks.”

Childish humor aside (until tomorrow at best), it is one thing to arrogantly treat your state like your own entire Six Flags Great Adventure amusement park. It is one thing to be a politician in Free Fall ( a great ride there) tying your words up like the Ultra-Twister (an even better ride).

Yet there is no excuse for Jon Corzine to seek refuge in my swimming pool.

Several months ago I went down for a jacuzzi soak before bedtime. As I prepared to relax, this middle aged white male with an incredibly sinister looking beard appeared lurking in the shadows. Perhaps he was plotting his next evil move, although he seemed harmless enough drying himself off with a towel. Besides, I should not have been staring anyway.

I knew he was a man of influence because of his lack of a crop on top. He was definitely a PBWG (Powerful, Bald, White Guy, similar to a character on any of the “Law and Order” franchises.)

I was going to let Governor Corzine know that he was the second coming of the wretched Jim Florio. I wanted to ask him how a guy could be the head of Goldman Sachs and end up a socialist? True, Goldman Sachs did fire him, but he must have learned something, anything.

I hoped he did not eat a big meal before getting in the pool. He does have a penchant for reckless behavior, including his 91 MPH car crash.

Yet I was still mostly curious as to why the leader of the garbage state was in my d@mn swimming pool.

I was about to ask him about it (and then criticize his budget policies), but a couple other people approached him first. The woman stood behind the man. The man then greeted Governor Corzine warmly. In fact, he greeted him a little too warmly. He kissed him on both cheeks.

What the heck? Is this a New Jersey thing or something? I knew Jim McGreevey was gay, but I was convinced that Jon Corzine was straight. In fact, I clearly remembered him getting caught putting his lover on the payroll, which did not cost him his job because the lover was female. I could not understand why this man was kissing Governor Corzine.

I had to eavesdrop at this point, as the man began to speak to the governor.

“Mr. Jamshidian, it is always good to see you my friend.”

“Likewise my friend.”

“Mr. Jamshidian, this is my wife. Honey, Mr. Jamshidian runs the local pharmacy where I buy my prescriptions.”

Now hold on. Is the governor a drug dealer? Also, why does this other man keep calling him Mr. Jamshidian?

Things got even more confusing when they started speaking in a foreign language. I thought that perhaps his tenure at Goldman Sachs caused him to learn Chinese for international business purposes, but it seemed that the language spoken  was similar to Hebrew and Spanish. It was Farci, which is spoken by Persians, who apparently are from Iran.

I am not sure why Governor Corzine is pretending to be some Persian pharmacist named Mr. Jamshidian, but if he has a condo in my building to hide his mistresses, I will find out about it.

I could have sworn I saw police then show up, perhaps to indict him. It turned out that they were security guards for the building. It was time to lock up the pool area for the night.

Mr. Jamshidian said goodnight to the man. “Good night Mr. Goldman.”

Mr. Goldman? Could Mr. Sachs be far behind? This was definitely a code.

So far neither LAPD or NJPD want to investigate this situation, especially since there was no crime. The gate was not forced open, and everybody left when they closed the gates for the night.

I am not sure what Mr. Jamshidian is trying to pull, but my building really needs to install more security cameras.

In the mean time, Governor Corzine, stop this nonsense and leave my swimming pool alone for good.

Now to get some rest. Well, not quite yet. A homeless guy seems to be by the barbecue area, and he should not be there. This is private property.

Oh no wait, it’s just Denver Pyle from Dukes of Hazard. For a guy who has been deceased since 1997, Uncle Jesse does not look half bad.

Now if only Catherine Bach would show up wearing her Daisy Dukes. Now that would be a poolside hallucination I could live with.

eric

My post today, found at Big Hollywood, is dedicated to all of the Hollywood Twit(terer)s out there.

http://bighollywood.breitbart.com/egolub/2009/06/01/becoming-a-nation-of-twitterers/

eric

A new television animation show will be debuted on ABC, and it has the potential to be really Goode.

“The Goode Family” is the story of a politically correct family of environmental zealots.

http://bighollywood.breitbart.com/egolub/2009/05/27/the-goode-the-bad-and-the-ugly/

There are two reasons I will give this show a chance.

First of all, it is created by Mike Judge. While I did not take part in the “Beavis and Butthead” craze, I was an avid fan of “King of the Hill.”

I am still disappointed that Hank Hill and his friends are leaving after 13 seasons. In the history of television, there will never be a character as cool and incomprehensible as Boomhauer. Grandpa Cotton was also a feisty one.

King of the Hill was about a group of Texans, but did not make fun of Southerners. It made fun of those that misunderstood them.

When a Massachusetts client insisted on calling Hank “J.R.,” and asking him to wear a ten gallon hat, Hank coolly replied that “Texas has changed a lot in the last 150 years.”

When a touchy-feely liberal wanted Hank to “bond with him,” and “meld their positive energies,” Hank responded for all of Middle America when he said to the do-gooder, “How ’bout I just kick your @ss?”

Hank was just a regular guy who believed in Jesus, the Dallas Cowboys, and propane over charcoal. He was at his best lamenting about his son, saying, “Well I want to hang out with Bobby, but the problem is the boy’s not really good at anything.”

All good things come to an end. Out of King of the Hill comes the Goode Family.

Yet there is another reason that this show should be given a chance. The Goode is hated by the bad and the ugly, that being the Jayson Blair Times.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/27/arts/television/27good.html?_r=1&ref=arts

The Jayson Blair Times has become a despicable entity specifically because it treats anybody that is right of center as either being evil, or a complete imbecile. The JBT considers Sarah Palin to be a dolt. Middle America considers her to be Superwoman.

The examples are endless, but the bad and the ugly coming out of the JBT can be found most recently (until their next bucket of bile in tomorrow’s edition) in their article knocking the Goode.

“…the show feels aggressively off-zeitgeist, as if it had been incubated in the early to mid-90s when it was still possible to find global-warming skeptics among even the reasonable and informed.”

Oh, those off-zeitgeist people. Don’t you just hate them?

Being a skeptic is soooo 1990s. Only an unreasonable and ill-informed person could possibly question anything that Al Gore says. After all, he won an Academy Award and a Nobel Prize. He has to be right.

Actually Al Gore and the JBT holding an opinion is an exceptional way of determining that something is wrong. In the 1970s it was global cooling. Then we were all going to burn. Now it is called “Climate Change.” The environmentalists get the story wrong sdo often, they could qualify as JBT editors. Actually, maybe they already are.

Here is some more pompous drivel from the JBT.

“But who really thinks of wind power an allusion to which is a running visual gag in the show as mindless, left-wing nonsense anymore?”

Apparently Ted Kennedy does. He refused to allow a wind farm in front of his home because it blocked the view off of his Nantucket paradise. Now there is no way that Ted Kennedy could be a phony, liberal bag of wind himself, so he must be against the wind farm because it is an unrealistic solution.

“Mr. Judge, who remains obsessed with the insanities of political correctness, still has his head very much in the Clinton years, and it is possible to watch ‘The Goode Family’ feeling so thoroughly transported back to another time that you wonder where all the Monica Lewinsky jokes went. Sometimes youve just got to move on.”

Move on? This coming from the newspaper that thinks that FDR is in his 20th term? This from the paper that wants to throw President Bush and all of his advisors in jail? This from the paper that still gets page one stories wrong and issues mealy-mouthed retractions on page 37?

This leftist paper not only wants to declare global warming skepticism passe, but political correctness as well.

Political correctness is as ugly, insidious, and powerful as ever. As President Obama searches for a tri-racial, latino pygmy to put on the Supreme Court (settling for a Hispanic woman who is Miguel Estrada minus the qualifications), fighting back against political correctness is as relevant now as ever.

While it is a shame that Hank Hill will no longer be fighting the good fight, Mike Judge still will be.

I expect the show to succeed because Mike Judge understands that while the social message is important, the main goal is to be funny. King of the Hill did have mild political overtones, but it lasted 13 seasons because it was likable and funny.

Long live the Goode family. May they triumph over their bad, ugly critics.

eric aka the Tygrrrr Express

https://tygrrrrexpress.com/2009/04/ideological-bigotry-my-book-is-now-available/

[email protected]

The Tygrrrr Express is Nevada bound.

On Thursday, May 28th, I head to Reno, Nevada. I will be speaking to the Reno chapter of the Republican Jewish Coalition.

http://www.rjchq.org/Events/eventdetail.aspx?id=b34ed5f9-43c5-4da5-a621-4a13a8fe8c35

Naturally, I will also be signing copies of my book, “Ideological Bigotry.”

On Sunday, May 31st, I will be speaking to the Las Vegas chapter of the RJC, and signing books.

http://www.rjchq.org/Events/eventdetail.aspx?id=eed94bf6-d68c-47a6-b176-a464feb2c9c7

I look forward to meeting anybody and everybody that can make either of those two events.

On June 10th, I will be speaking to the Chicago chapter of the RJC, and signing books there, and doing so on July 21st in Ventura County, California.

http://www.rjchq.org/Events/eventdetail.aspx?id=2b295556-0264-4285-86e5-ee65d90fb510

Wherever you may be, I look forward to shaking your hand.

As for now, I just hope that Harry Reid stays in Carson City, or better yet, leaves the state for a multi-day vacation from what ever it is he actually does.

More importantly, I pray that President Obama stays far away from Nevada during my visit. There are 50 states Mr. President. Choose one of the other 49.

I say this because Mr. Obama was in Beverly Hills, California yesterday. Beverly Hills is three blocks from my home.

Mr. Obama, I just wish you would stay far away from wherever I am.

I want to make it clear that this has nothing to do with your politics. I just really hate traffic.

I mean come on, sir. My ride home should be 10 minutes, but the d@mn 405 freeway doubles that time. Today it took almost 45 minutes, although the trip could have been cut down to 30 minutes had I not stopped to pick up a sandwich for dinner. Dinner notwithstanding, 30 minutes is still frustrating.

My flight from Los Angeles to Reno gets me into Nevada with plenty of time to give my speech. As long as your motorcade does not get in the way, things will be fine.

I know you are busy, but please have your staff confer with me to make sure that there are no overlaps.

Also, please do not send Joe Biden to Nevada. The Vice Presidential motorcade is just as bad, and Biden will no doubt say something stupid that will lead off the nightly news.

I want the story to be about me. Joe can be Joe and make boneheaded comments somewhere else today.

Besides sir, what are you doing in Beverly Hills? You don’t need the money, and you certainly never need to campaign here for votes. Is that where the strategic command center for dealing with North Korea is located? I mean can’t we just get a deal done? Maybe we can send them some Happy Meals or something. They don’t want to kill or die. They want to eat.

If you can handle this North Korea thing in my absence, I would greatly appreciate it.

Also, if I could borrow one of your twelve teleprompters, that would be helpful. Public speaking is not easy. I always worry that I will leave out one line. You may not think it is important sir, but my joke about my Susan Boyle Swimsuit Calendar could be the difference between selling a book and losing the sale.

Anyway sir, I will most likely get back to criticizing you on Friday, but I will give you Thursday off since I have to prepare my remarks. Therefore, in the spirit of bipartisanship, I would like you to keep quiet tomorrow as well, at least within a 200 mile radius of Reno today and Las Vegas this weekend.

I would invite you to my speeches, but again, the traffic would be unbearable.

As I said, I will be in Chicago on June 10th, and I will even autograph a copy of my book for you. All I ask is you stay in Washington, D.C. from June 9th through the 11th.

Mr. President, I appreciate your attention to this matter. Together we can help combat ideological bigotry, which come to think of it, is the title of a groundbreaking new book that I wrote.

Ok, now that the streets are clear, it is time to get down to business.

For now, the Tygrrrr Express is Nevada bound.

eric