Archive for June, 2009

The World’s Least Interesting Man

Saturday, June 20th, 2009

Stay thirsty my friends.

With those words, a beer company has created a legend.

He lives vicariously through himself.

He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it would feel.

The police often question him, just because they find him interesting.

His blood is made of cologne.

His personality is so magnetic, he cannot carry credit cards.

Even his enemies list him as their emergency contact.

He is…the most interesting man in the world.

He now even offers advice on various important topics.

“There is a time and place for pick-up lines. The time is never. You can figure out the place on your own.”

While discussing the most interesting man in the world with coworkers, we joked that this Colombian adventure seeker and life of every party in real life was probably a boring every day guy.

It turns out, sadly enough, that he is just some Jewish actor who is most likely not even South American.

Although his identity was revealed a few days ago, I will not say his name. Let people do their own research.

Yet what I take away from this is that beyond commercials, there are so many people that we put on pedestals that have no business being there. One of the main reasons is political correctness.

One example of this is Tiger Woods. Just to be clear, Tiger deserves every ounce of success he has achieved. He is one of the greatest golfers of all time. Yet the fascination with him is bizarre. For one thing, golf itself is colossally boring. Even if one rejects that assertion, there is no denying that Tiger Woods is duller than dishwater. Listen to him give a press conference. He is boring. This is not a criticism. Again, the man is a golfer.

So why does the media fawn over his every move? Because he is multi-racial. He is racially all of us. Yet despite trying to turn this man into a unifying factor, he has repeatedly stated that he just wants to keep quiet and golf.

This is ironic. Most celebrities refuse to shut up, despite nobody of any relevance wanting to hear what they have to say. Yet Tiger, who has never publicly expressed an opinion on anything not involving spending all day hitting a little white ball into a small hole, is treated like the second coming.

Yet if Tiger Woods is projected onto others, his hero worship is nothing compared to how the media treats Barack Obama. Unlike Mr. Woods, Mr. Obama has not done anything yet. He won a popularity contest. Great. That is equivalent to being drafted. He has barely stepped onto the field, and already the media wants him in the Hall of Fame.

The fact is, while his being bi-racial and getting elected was a first in American politics, outside of that President Obama is a fairly dull guy being held up as a fascinating individual.

He is beyond normal. He is ultra-conventional. He is Al Gore, John Kerry, and Michael Dukakis all rolled into one. His beliefs are ordinary and non-descript. His family is typical.

This is not an indictment of the man. It is a criticism of the media that holds him up as if he were some suave South American folk hero.

The man killed a fly with his hands, and the media celebrates it. A crowd even once cheered at a campaign rally when he announced that he had to blow his nose.

I remember when David Letterman made a joke about Joseph Lieberman in 2000.

“You know what the really interesting thing about Joseph Lieberman is? Actually, there’s nothing interesting about Joseph Lieberman.”

Why are these jokes about Barack Obama not coming?

Picture him in the beer commercials.

“His face is tilted at a 56 degree angle to convey seriousness that mere mortals cannot understand.”

“He is a world class athlete who can jump 20 feet just to reach his nose.”

“He can get Iowa corn farmers to grow arugula, while others cannot even spell the word.”

“His teleprompter has a teleprompter.”

“He once killed a fly with his bare hands, leading to a media holiday.”

“His trips to the restroom are the hottest selling items on eBay.”

“He made Joe Biden Vice President and Hillary Clinton Secretary of State to successfully get them both out of government.”

“His prime time news conferences are dedicated to his own popularity in prime time news conferences.”

“He is…the least interesting man in the world.”

I think I would rather hang out with the fictional Dos Equis guy.

“Stay thirsty, my friends.”


From Iran to Los Angeles

Friday, June 19th, 2009

Iran is on fire.

People are committing senseless violence. Cars are being overturned, as the rioters shout slogans in a foreign language.

Oh no, wait a minute. That would be Los Angeles Lakers fans in Downtown LA.

I could not understand why the Iranians were so angry. According to what I see on the news here in Los Angeles, everybody loves the Lakers.

(I loathe them, but nobody listens to me.)

The similarities do not stop there.

Out of nowhere, I see all of these tribal flags on the road that were not there a few days ago. Angry protesters are shouting about Jihad while waving purple and yellow death flags (they claim the yellow is gold, but they are wrong).

The link is easy to figure out.

The egomaniacal leader of the Lakers is Kobe Bryant.

Kobe is also a form of beef, often served up in the form of sliders.

Beef is forbidden in India, since the cow is sacred.

Therefore, Kobe is sacred in India, just as in Los Angeles.

India has a severe conflict with Pakistan.

Pakistan has nuclear weapons, which Iran is trying to build.

Iran, like Los Angeles, is in a quest for domination.

Iran is led by an egomaniacal world leader that is beloved by many and reviled by many others.

In celebration and in defeat, Mahmoud Armageddonijad and Kobe Bryant rolled their victories into adulation that sparked violence.

I have been trying to figure out why Barack Obama doesn’t care about a tinderbox in Iran. Perhaps he is busy doing nothing about other issues. Maybe he was busy watching the game. Yet when the country shuts down and the police crack down and install martial law, that should be noticed.

Oh, wait…again, I think that was on Figueroa by Staples Center.

I get so confused. Molotov Cocktails are an American tradition, not a Persian one.

Besides, the Persians want to party like it’s 1979.

Angelenos are more current. Some want to party like it is 2002, the last time the Lakers won it all. I think they are partying like it’s 1992, given that items at local stores are being liquidated at 100% discounts.

Dissidents are being crushed from Orlando to Tehran.

The people of Iran are so close, but they just cannot gain freedom.

Orlando was so close, but Dwight Howard could not make a free throw.

The Iranian people are having difficulty subduing the hard charging Iranian National Guard.

The Orlando Magic could not foul Derek Fisher when it counted.

The Iranian people are facing their biggest heartbreak since the Shah.

Orlando is still having nightmares about Nick “The Brick” Anderson.

Both the Magic and the Persians know what it is like to have bombs rein down from Rockets, whether they be conventional warheads or foreign devices such as Hakeem Olajuwon (whose name is harder to spell than Armageddonijad).

Yet the real common thread is that both of these empires, from Los Angeles to Iran, require regime change. They need to be overthrown.

We need to blow up Iran and shove the American flag up the Mullahs’ hides.

Killing the Lakers might be extreme. We need an educated Persian doctor to fix Kevin Garnett and Shaquille O’Neal, so that the Celtics or Cavaliers (with Shaq) defeat the Lakers.

I hate to admit it, but after watching the Lakers and the behavior at the post victory celebrations, I now understand what Armageddonijad means when he yells “death to the West.”

At the risk of crossing the line, but Kobe and Armageddonijad have been accused of taking hostages. Armageddonijad allegedly detained 444 people in 1979, while Kobe allegedly detained one woman in a hotel a few years back.

Anyway, we are locked in a global struggle of civilization vs barbarism. We must make the world safe so that people everywhere can walk freely without fear of being mugged, robbed, or beaten.

Ok, enough about Los Angeles Laker fans. Hopefully now that the season is over, we can get back to focusing on Iran. If we get it right, they might become pro-Western.

If we really get it right, they will support an East Coast team instead.


The Top 120 Political Yummy Bouncies–2009 Nominations

Thursday, June 18th, 2009

On June 21st, 2008, I wrote what to this day (God help us all, America) remains my most popular column.

I listed the Top 120 Political Yummy Bouncies. 30 liberals, 30 centrists, and 30 conservatives were judged by their T and A.

This is not a beauty pageant where idiotic things like talent competitions take place. It is solely based on physical appeal.

For those of you who are feminists, shut up. I don’t want to hear it. If you were more attractive, you would want to be judged by your looks, and kill to be on beauty lists. Until politically correct people are out buying the Susan Boyle Swimsuit Calendar, get off your moral high horse.

This is not misogyny. This is a celebration of female beauty, and nothing more.

I would like anybody and everybody to send me ideas. For those to embarrassed to leave them in the comments section, email me privately.

For those who disagree with my final decisions, get your own d@mn blog. This is subjective.

Below were my choices for the Top 120 Political Yummy Bouncies of 2008.

Liberals/Democrats: I left out Senator Barbara Boxer because she is older now, although she was a hot piece back in the day. I left out Obama Girl because she was too lazy to even vote for him. Patti Davis, despite a playboy spread, should be off the list because her father, the great Ronald Reagan, deserves to rest in peace. Al Gores former campaign manager Donna Brazile almost made the cut, due to her salacious appearance on the Colbert Report where she offered to have sex with him in a Kansas City hotel room. This list was written before I saw Washington State Senator Maria Cantwell on television. She will absolutely make future lists.

With that, the official list is below.

10) Rachel Sklar–She is affiliated with the Huffington Post. Providing a link to promote that site is a non-starter. However, with her, just hit the mute button and enjoy.

9) Julie Roginsky–She is a democratic strategist. She is hot. She speaks as well, but I remember not one word.

8.) Sarah Gore–Her father tried to steal an election, but she used to steal the loins of men with pulses. She recently got married. I am green, but with envy, not environmentalism.

7) Lisa Lange–She is associated with Peta, and was behind their naked marketing campaign. She is proof that no matter how awful an organization is, guys will listen when a woman is promoting nakedness.

6) Alexandra Kerry–I really wanted to be between her legs in 2004, but not enough to vote for her father.

5) Segolene Royal–The former French Socialist candidate for Prime Minister is so regal. She was sleeping with the party chairman, and they had kids. The French election was a coin flip, since my head supported Nicolas Sarkozy despite her being a hot piece of tail.

4) Julia Allison–She used to date a democratic senator. Every aspect of her life is on the internet. She is like Jim Carrey in The Truman Show, only with a much sexier body and much more granola lifestyle.

3) Jackie Clarke–She did an entire play dedicated to the movie Showgirls. She likes football, cursing, and talking about her female body parts. She is equally frightening and ketchup bottle worthy.

2tie) Norah ODonnell–She is an impartial analyst on MSNBC, meaning she is a liberal. Again, this is a visual contest, with the less auditory aspect being the best. She is stunning.

2tie) Naomi Wolf–Yes she has become part of the lunatic fringe that believes in 9/11 conspiracies, and compares President Bush to the evil in this world. Who cares? This is a subjective beauty contest, and she is a hot piece of Jewish rumpus. Plus, one of her sex books helped me get more than my fair share, which proves that even feminists can be useful from time to time.

1) Jane Fleming–Recently married with two children, those pouty lips of hers are a perfect fit for her constantly angry television appearances. I think she actually has a Hillary Clinton nutcracker that she keeps on her kitchen counter. She is the reason pool tables were invented.

Centrists/Independents: Entertainment reporter Shira Lazar would have made the list, but she rarely discusses politics. She is a sweet girl, and easy on the eyes. Sarah Silverman frightens me to death, and her comments are barely political. She is proof that hot women can say anything at any time for any reason.

10) The women of Poland–Women in Poland are stripping naked to protest against politics being dominated by men. I support their freedom of expression.

9) Alison Rosen/Michelle Collins–They are both commentators on Redeye, and I do not think they have ever been on at the same time. They might be the same person. I hope they have 8 yummy bouncies instead of 4.

8.) Gloria Estefan–Yes, she is a Cuban singer. She also got very political during the Elian Gonzalez fiasco. I would do the Conga if I was in bed and she was there.

7) Tammy Bruce–I am pro-gay rights for everybody except her. We should donate ugly women to the lesbian community in exchange for her. She curses like a sailor, and the fact that I am completely intimidated by her is a turn on.

6) Ashlee Dupree–Any woman that destroys Eliot Spitzer and appears in a Girls Gone Wild video is a Goddess. I normally do not endorse drugs and prostitution, but she is why the lord created Spring Break.

5) Campbell Brown–CNN would have much higher ratings if she was allowed to moderate Presidential debates in her undies. She is a smart woman, but this column could care less. She reigns supreme at the Cheesecake News Network.

4) Kiran Chetry–She is also a Cheesecake News Network girl. She was not the hottest woman at Fox News, but at CNN where the journalistic standards are lower, her legs fit in perfectly.

3) Dagan McDowell–Scarlett Ohara made it to Wall Street. Her accent could melt butter, and her brilliance is overshadowed by her beauty.

2) Mirthala Salinas–She is the news reporter that slept with the Mayor of Los Angeles with a name that is hard to spell. I give the Mayor credit. He has excellent taste.

1) Carla Bruni–She is the first lady of France. Nicolas Sarkozy understands that the only reason to gain power is to bed models. Between Bruni and Royal, the French have all they need for a prime time jello wrestling special.,_Gloria/Pictures/

Conservatives/Republicans: I left Barbara Bush off the list. I am not referring to our current President’s mother. I am referring to his daughter. Barbara is adorable, but out of respect for the Dub, I will say no more. George W. Bush, just know I want to be her Secret Service body guard. Please do not waterboard me, I voted for you twice. Michelle Malkin is not on the list because I am beyond intimidated by her. When she goes on television and flares her nostrils in anger, I want to hide in the corner and cry. I am a sissy. Patricia Heaton, who played the wife on Everybody Loves Raymond, is one hot mom. She has contributed to republicans, and I wonder if she was naked when she wrote the check. Fred Thompson’s wife Geri is stunning, but out of respect for the Alpha Dog, I will leave it at that. I met them and liked them. The blogosphere has a republican Jewish blogger named Spree. When she becomes more famous, I will make sure the world knows that I was the one who made salacious comments about her when others ignored her body and insulted her by judging her blog on the quality of the writing.

10) Jeanine Pirro–She may not have defeated Hillary Clinton in New York, but this prosecutor would easily win a contest over Hillary in terms of who guys would want to paddle. She also appears on Redeye, where she pops out opinions as she pops out her cleavage.

9) Amanda Carpenter–This Townhall political reporter is an incredibly sweet person. I almost left her off the list out of respect, given how dignified she is. However, I needed one more name, and she is very pretty.

8.) Sarah Palin–She is the Governor of Alaska, and a possible candidate for Vice President. Her 91% approval rating may be because men outnumber women in Alaska by 25-1.

7) Kate Obenshain–She claims to have 4 children. Some women never age. She is deep into republican politics, and I am deeply into her, albeit from afar, given the restraining order.

6) Michele Bachmann–This Congresswoman from Minnesota is smart as a whip. She is not into whips, preferring family values. She was never in Bachmann Turner Overdrive, but she turns me into overdrive. She should reprise the role of underwear model made famous by Terri Garr.

5) Angie Harmon–She is married to retired football star Jason Sehorn. As the hot republican prosecutor on Law and Order, her first episode was fabulous. When she thundered, “Hang ‘em all, no deals for anybody,” I realized that there is nothing sexier than a tough hot woman in charge of the penal code.

4) Mary Katharine Ham–I met her in real life, and she is incredibly classy and dignified. She is a sweet, cool person. She was the subject of the worst blogging 4 part trilogy in history, which began with “Help me Rabbi, I am desiring Ham.”

3) Julie Banderas–As for why I want to paddle her, it might be because I have a pulse. College students may not get Playboy in the dorms, but viewing her on Fox News is the next best thing.

2) Andrea Tantaros–This republican strategist has a devastating piercing tongue, and men around America want to experience it. She was the spokeswoman for Jeanine Pirro, and they would rival any mother-daughter jello wrestling tag team.

1) Shannen Doherty–Her speech at the 1992 Republican Convention captivated men. So did her playboy spreads. I have met her and spoken politics with her. I wish I had taken her on top of the jewelry table, but I was moderately less tactless back then.

Now the only thing to do is to select the Top 120 Political Yummy Bouncies of 2009.

Let the bouncing begin.


Another pathetic liberal Jew

Wednesday, June 17th, 2009

Slate Magazine, that leftist bastion of intellectual emptiness, has found a pathetic liberal Jewish apologist that believes that peace in the Middle East will come when Israel is pressured.

Playing the role of Kumbaya surrender monkey is Jacob Weisberg.

I have never met this man. I do not ever care to do so.

The title of the column is as odious as it is misguided: “How to Lean on Israel.”

This self-loathing lemming truly believes that the best Presidents on Israel have been the ones that have bullied Israel into submission.

Jimmy Carter gets credit for the Israel-Egypt peace agreement of 1979. The situation between these nations is not a true peace. It is a cold peace. Egyptian promises of bilateral trade have never been fully realized. Egypt cracks down on Palestinian arms smugglers only when international pressure gets too great.

George Herbert Walker Bush is lionized for the peace agreement between Israel and Jordan. Again, this peace is not what the United States shares with Canada.

There is no peace in the Middle East. There are breaks between wars. The reason why there is no peace is because Israel is not allowed to do anything and everything necessary to defend itself. Now that George W. Bush has left the world stage, Israel is in trouble.

The notion that Israel’s closest supporters have made matters worse is idiotic. Does anybody think that Jimmy Carter created peace? Israel winning military victories is what brought temporary respite. A permanent respite will be had when complete, total, and uncompromising brute force is met on Israel’s enemies until they break.

Jacob Weisberg should be talking about forcing Palestinians to keep their own promises. Asking Palestinians to maintain integrity is like asking Lesbians to marry men. The concept of Palestinian integrity is an oxymoron. Palestinians have been 100% consistent in breaking their word.

Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush are criticized as having “encouraging Israel’s worst tendencies.”

Worst tendencies? The right to stay alive is a bad tendency?

This issue is so simplistic. Ask the Palestinians to recognize Israel’s right to exist. Wait a few seconds until they refuse this request as unreasonable. Then let Israel go in and break these savages.

Peace is impossible when one side defiantly refuses the right of the other side to live.

Israel supporters to not “build up Arab resentment.” Arab thugocrats build up Arab resentment. Israel is an excuse for them to deflect from their own failed policies. Yassir Arafat was offered a state. He chose terror instead. The Palestinians had a chance at democracy. They elected Hamas. They chose terror.

Benjamin Netanyahu is described as having a “dangerous fixation” on striking Iran.

What this liberal apologist calls a dangerous fixation is what normal human beings call a reasonable fear based on the behavior of the Iranian murderer Armageddonijad himself.

It is bad enough that Israel has to live surrounded by barbaric animals bent on wanton destruction.

We don’t need to compound the problem by offering weak and pathetic surrender advice under the guise of tough love. Liberal Jews don’t know a d@mn thing about toughness. Israel exists because soldiers defend the state. Those soldiers are not liberals, not by a long shot.

My father did not escape the Nazis so that Jacob Weisberg could help our enemies repeat the process.

Thank God Benjamin Netanyahu is Prime Minister and not Jacob Weisberg. I have hope that Israel will continue to exist, despite the fact that too many liberal Jews are the best friends that Arab enemies could ever ask for.


Los Angeles Link Love Tuesday

Tuesday, June 16th, 2009

I am foregoing my usual column just for today only because so many events are going on, and I want everybody to know about them.

This column will be continually updated, so please check back periodically. Also, if you have events you wish to promote, please let me know, or just leave the information in the comments section.

Many of these events are in Los Angeles, but I do have events listed nationwide. All times are listed are West Coast.

Monday, June 15th–Yesterday I was a guest on radio station WTXY 1540 in South Carolina with Robbie Kendall. The show was pre-recorded, so I will let everyone know when the podcast is available. For those in the Carolinas, the interview will air today at 1pm PST, 4PM EST.

Thursday, June 18th–The Republican Party of Los Angeles County has their meeting at 7pm, at 6250 Lake Forest Drive.

Sunday, June 28th–I will be a live guest on the Elise Richmond radio program at 10am. She is based out of San Bernardino.

Wednesday, June 24th–I will be a live guest on the Bob Dutko radio program based out of Detroit, Michigan. This is a Christian radio station, and I will be on at 11:35am.

Wednesday, June 24th–The Los Angeles Jewish Chamber of Commerce is having a business mixer at Busbys in Santa Monica at 5:30pm. The waitress there is Tracy. She is hot.

Sunday, June 28th–The Republican Jewish Coalition is having its annual Summer bash. It will be held at the Loews Hotel in Santa Monica.

Monday, June 29th–Frank Gaffney and Avi Schnur are having a conference at 7pm at the Luxe Hotel in Brentwood. It will be a 2009 update on Missile Defense.

Tuesday, June 30th–I will be speaking in Torrance to ACT, a serious foreign policy group concerned with the threat of radical Islam. I will also be doing a book signing. Contact Rachelle Mand for details. The event is taking place at 2880 Sepulveda Blvd, which is the local Sizzler. I love Sizzler, especially when they have corn fritters.

July 2 though 5–I will be in Sacramento with the Sacramento Queen. I am currently trying to book a speaking engagement there. I will have more updates on tea parties as information becomes available.

July 6 through 10–I will be in Chicago, and have not scheduled any speaking engagements at this time.

July 9 through 12–The Young Republican Conference of 2009 will be held in Indianapolis. I will be there, and young Republicans from all over should go.

Sunday, July 12–The Hollywood Congress of Republicans will be having a barbecue at Wilderness Park in Arcadia. Contact Mell Flynn for details.

Thursday, July 16–I will be speaking at the West LA Courthouse. The topic will be why I should not have to pay a multi-hundred dollar fine for an automobile infraction. There will most likely not be a book signing, although I will be autographing some papers.

Tuesday, July 21–I will be speaking to the Ventura County chapter of the Republican Jewish Coalition, headed by Mitch Silberman. I will be doing a book signing. Details to follow.

Friday, August 7–Sean Hannity has his Freedom Concert in San Diego.

Saturday, August 8–Sean Hannity has his Freedom Concert in Las Vegas.

Saturday, August 8–I will be speaking to the Southern California Republican Men and Women. This will take place at the Saddleback Ranch in Burbank. Rick Montaine has the details. This will be during the day at a luncheon, so there is still time to get from and to both Hannity concerts.

Wednesday, September 16th–I will be speaking to the Long Beach Republican Women’s Federated at their monthly luncheon. Please contact Helene Belisle for details.

This concludes Los Angeles Link Love Tuesday. See you soon.


The Reich Declares War Again

Monday, June 15th, 2009

As the son of a Holocaust survivor, I always get nervous when the Reich declares war again.

However, this Reich has nothing to do with Germany or the 1000 years of murderous glory that actually only lasted from 1933 through 1945.

This Reich entered the United States Government in 1993, and was told to permanently shut up by his boss before 1995.

Yes, Robert Reich is back, determined to do for the Democratic Party today what he did for them in 1994. As a Republican, I sure hope so.

For those who do not remember, Robert Reich was a Secretary in the Clinton administration. I thought this meant that he was an administrative assistant taking dictation, but this is not the case. So for those who sent him flowers on Secretary’s Day on April 20th, it was a bigger waste than the Clinton domestic agenda.

Robert Reich was the Secretary of Labor. He has never met a union he didn’t like, or a big business that he did. He is a socialist through and through. This is absolutely not an insult or a slur. It is his world view.

While he is often teased for being vertically challenged (I am only 5 ft 5 myself), it is the shortness of merit in his ideas that I quarrel with. He is not a mental midget (another short joke that I wish people would leave alone). He simply has a prescription for America that would destroy our healthcare system.

When the Reich last collapsed in 1994, he and Hillary were sent to the locker rooms for cold showers of reality. Newt Gingrich wanted welfare reform, and Bill Clinton was more interested in keeping his job than in actually standing and fighting for any principal that might get him fired.

Reich, to his credit, remains a true believer. The problem is, his proposed actions to enact laws based on those beliefs is still wrong.

Barack Obama is off to a good start on health care. He has dispatched Hillary Clinton to the nether regions of the Earth to sip tea with despots and diplomats. She has no real authority, and will not be able to actually do anything. With Hillary out of the way, the environment will be less poisonous.

Although Bill Clinton was famous for his triangulating “Third Way,” it is actually President Obama that is trying to find a third way between Bill and Hillary Clinton. The Hillary approach is the “My way or the highway” style that endears her to only herself and perhaps her daughter (and Bill if he is asked in front of her). The Bill Clinton approach is the “Just pass a d@mn bill so I don’t get fired. I don’t care what’s in it. Slap some words on a page and send it to me.”

Barack Obama may lack substance in the tradition of Bill, but on this issue he actually does want substance. He just does not want to be sen like Hillary.

This is where the Reich comes out of his gopher hole. Like Hillary, he would rather have ideological purity rather than accomplish something that is more modest, but actually doable.

(For those who wonder where this incrementalism came from, read about George Washington and the Founding Fathers. What we call gridlock, they call the system working perfectly.)

Robert Reich has declared that “The Healthcare War has officially begun.”

Yes, we are now at war, fighting a war even liberals could embrace. There are several consequences for this idiocy.

For one thing, Barack Obama does not want war. He is a smart student of political history, and remembers clearly what happened when Hillary Clinton flew in on her broom and starting demonizing her “enemies.” Barack Obama refers to these enemies as “opponents.” Hillary and Reich cannot grasp this. Barack Obama wants a reasonable bill.

(An interesting argument that I will posit for the first time is whether Hillary wants Obama to fail on healthcare reform since she failed. I love starting provocative discussions, and will expand on that in the coming days. Get your pundit hats on, political strategists.)

The second reason Robert Reich is causing damage to his own side is because it brings up the still valid stereotype that Democrats are a bunch of peacenik surrendering wimps. They will not acknowledge the War on Terror, or that we are at war with Radical Islamofascists. We are not even at War with what used to be called enemy combatants. Yet American businesses that produce jobs and provide goods and services, they need to be obliterated on the battlefield.

Every negative stereotype of liberals comes through. They are hostile toward the military and business. The only war they feel comfortable declaring is a War on Poverty. What was LBJ going to do, bomb poor people so that they would not exist anymore? That would have been one way to raise the standard of living. Perhaps he wanted to cure two world problems by feeding the homeless to the hungry.

Nevertheless, the war on poverty, like every liberal war on some abstract concept, was a colossal failure.

(Conservatives are often attacked for the “war on drugs,” although at least shooting drug dealers has some societal benefit. Now that liberals are in power, the war on drugs will be how to obtain them fast enough without getting caught by their parents. This is not to be confused with the “war on rugs,” which affects Joe Biden and other middle aged men.)

A war on healthcare is ludicrous because what it really implies, and quite honestly, is a war on American businesses. In the same way environmentalists and animal rights activists would allow for the mass suffering of humans to save trees and animals, the health care zealots would be happy to try and get cradle to grave benefits for every person despite the fact that there will be nobody left to provide those benefits. They want the government to do it, and we all know how well government entities outside of the military actually function. Governments can print money, but they cannot create doctors (They also can’t and won’t stop lawyers from suing doctors.).

Democrats like to use the word “war” against Republicans because it makes them sound tough. They are ready to fight to the death to protect America from conservatives. They will not declare war on the people who caused 9/11, but they sure as heck will go after a white male wearing a blue suit, white shirt, and red and blue diagonal necktie.

This leads to the third reason why declaring a war against Republicans in the form of a healthcare war is imprudent. Unlike liberals against terrorists, conservatives are not afraid of liberals. We fight back. If liberals want war, they will get one. Bill Kristol became a hero in 1993 with his daily faxes. When the entire Republican Party began to cower, only he and Phil Gramm stood up and fought Hillary. Mr. Kristol is already preparing to overload fax machines around America.

This is exactly what Barack Obama wants to avoid. He calls himself “No drama Obama.” He does not want conflict. He knows that his high approval ratings are because he has not done anything of consequence yet. Hillarycare was popular in the very beginning until she started fighting with everybody. Once she lost the late Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan, she was done. Congresspeople, especially liberal ones, are like rats. They jump ship pretty quickly.

Barack Obama wants a reasonable bill passed. He is not going to get that if the Reich returns to try and spread more terror.

Harry Reid is in a tough reelection fight, so he may not want a fight either. A moderate bill helps him.

Playing the roll of Hillary Clinton will be the Pelosiraptor. Nancy Pelosi is not moderate about anything. Yet Hillary had one major advantage that the Pelosiraptor does not have. Hillary could not be fired. Also, nobody was allowed to criticize her. If the Speaker of the Louse gets out of line, a certain thug named Rahm Emanuel will be dispatched to handle her, with no carbon footprints being traceable to the President.

The solution is to pass a reasonable bill. To do this, once again, the Reich needs to be defeated to save civilization.


Congratulations Conan

Sunday, June 14th, 2009

Although I rarely find any interest in the entertainment industry, I am very glad to see Conan O’Brien become the head of the Tonight Show.


Short Shrift Saturday

Saturday, June 13th, 2009

Today is Short Shrift Saturday.

How is it different from Slapchop Saturday?

Well for one it is spelled differently. Secondly, I am writing from a different city. Third, this keyboard could be better, so let the d@mn spelling mistakes go.

Given that so many things have been happening this week, I hav received several emails about why I am not covering certain topics. The answer is a lack of time. Pre-written columns work better when there are no actual world events. D@mn life for happening and rendering my thoughts less consequential.

With that, here are some brief thoughts on world events, which will obviously show that I am giving them all short shrift rather than worthy analysis. I will also be forgetting some events, and going back and adding them to this column with some equally average words that will not be mistaken for the Gettysburg Address.

Now onto non-sequitor news that would make an MTV attention span seem long and a Larry King column seem coherent.   

In Iranian election news, shockingly enough, Armageddonijad won. Although listed on the ballot as Ahmadinejad, the world’ craziest Mahmoudian won a landslide victory. Is Jimmy Carter calling for election monitors? Of course not. Are human rights activists howling? Of course they are, but only at America and Israel. The left is useless, the United Nations is a joke, and this election was a farce. No further discussion is necessary.

North Korea seems to believe that Barack Obama is a complete wimp. They already know the United Nations, as previously stated, is better at posturing than anything resembling an actual action. If President Obama wants to be remembered as the first woman President, he will be setting back women’s rights for decades. I hope somebody gives this guy a gonads transplant in a hurry. Man up, Mr. President. These people don’t like you or us. Grow a pair, and make them knock it off. I want those two women Noth Korea kidnapped returned home. Let’s see some of your magic diplomacy. Otherwise, the only other explanation for your inaction is that you just don’t care. In that case, your aloofness belies an insensitivity.

Speaking of useless women, I think we can now declare the feminist movement to be a bunch of worthless hags. David Letterman is beating Sarah Palin like a rented mule, and the feminists are just enjoying it. Either they like seeing their sisters abused, or they are too gutless to speak up. Either way, the wicked witchs of the left should just put a sock in it.

As for Mr. Letterman, after 20 years of watching his program, I am done. He has turned into an angry, bitter leftist. I truly did find him funny for a very long time, but enough is enough. Is it possible that he confused Palin’s 18 year old with her 14 year old? Sure. It also doesn’t matter. These girls are private citizens.

Thre is a pattern of Democrats going after families. John Kerry and John Edwards went after Mary Cheney. Letterman is just continuing that vile tradition of trying to destroy people he disagrees with. He is also a hypocrite because he also brought a child into this world without being married.

Those who think that Sarah Palin is a hypocrite for supporting family values while her daughter gets pregnant are insane. Sarah Palin is not forcing her life on anybody else. Leftists simply want religious people to fail so that they can justify their own irresponsible lives. The goal should be for all people to raise standards, not celebrate those that fall short.

Regardless, the abuse of the Palin family is pathological, and it shows how empty the left truly is in this country.

An 88 year old anti-Semite went into a Holocaust museum and murdered a Jew. The story is as horrific as it is simplistic. Yes, the left wants to blame the man for having supposedly “right-wing ties,” but the left enjoys exploiting tragedies for personal gain. A madman and hatemonger murdered a man. That’s it.

Speaking of anti-Semitism, Reverend Jeremiah Wright is as awful as ever. He blames the Jews for keeping him from Barack Obama. Well I have been unable to meet with Sir Charles of Krauthammer, because he lacks the time from a scheduling standpoint. He does not have time to meet with me because he is too busy writing about the lunatic rantings of Reverend Wright. A meeting with Charles Krauthammer might lead to a positive review for my book. Therefore, I blame black America for my lack of spectacular financial success.

President Obama spent 20 years listening to this racist. True, he does want the Reverend to stop talking, but only for political convenience.

Ok, enough Black Liberation Theology.  

Veering far away into sports, I am handling the last couple of days like a man. I am almost done crying. In hockey, I wanted the Detroit Red Wings to win. Instead the Pittsburgh Penguins did. I rarely make guarantees, but I would have bet everything I owned on the Red Wings had I actually owned anything.

Whoever won, the loser was the National Hockey League. An epic seven game series in the finals should not come to a conclusion on a Friday night. People have lives. Many people such as myself would have watched the game had it been on the weekend. Wise up, hockey.

As for basketball, I simply detest the Los Angeles Lakers. Kobe Bryant makes me ill. Yes, he through an elbow to the face of an opponent in game 4, but that does not change the fact that Dwight Howard turned into the second coming of Nick Anderson. From 1995 to 2009, the Orlando Magic find ways to lose games. Also, why was Derek Fish allowed to shoot the game tying shot? Foul the man! Tackle him if you have to. The Magic should be up 3 games to 1. Instead, the Lakers will be hoisting the trophy.

Hopefully Phil Jackson, having surpassed Red Auerbach, will retire, and Kobe can go back to blaming everybody else the minute it goes wrong. Almost as classless as Kobe is Pau Gasol, who celebrated the basket that iced the game by chest bumping an opposing player. I also wish Pau would add an “L” to the end of his name and call himself “Paul,” but that is my problem, not his.

Football season starts in 3 months. I can’t take it anymore. Each offseason gets tougher for me.      

Shifting to news that I cannot even categorize, Miss California Carrie Prejean is no longer Miss California. However, she still legally is Carrie Prejean. I hope she continues speaking out for what she believes in, and hope she fights back against the savage baboons on the left that want to treat her the way they treat Sarah Palin. 

As for all the other stories I left out, just pretend I covered them brilliantly. I might have.

I am not a fan of the city of Chicago. I miss my own bed on Los Angeles. Soon enough I will be in that bed, with my own shets, which were definitely not given short shrift.


Barack Obama–Man, Not Movement

Friday, June 12th, 2009

Barack Obama is a mere mortal. Despite being elevated to God-like status by many on the left, he is flesh and blood like the rest of us.

This is important to understand because despite the media insistence that conservatism is dead (which they proclaim every time Democrats win the White House, an aberration in itself), it is actually the left that is in trouble.

An outstanding article by Bruce Walker of the American Thinker gets into why the left is collapsing globally. The only institution that denies this is the Jayson Blair Times, and that is only because they are collapsing even faster than the leftinistras that they worship.

In America, the right is poised for a resurgence in 2010 that will make the 1994 Gingrich Revolution seem like child’s play. More importantly, the Obama magic seems to be about the man himself, but not anything beyond him.

For the last 40 years, the country has drifted rightward, with occasional blips just to slow the brakes.

Some will argue that we finally elected a true liberal President, but the fact is he got elected by running as far and as fast away from liberalism as possible. Even after the election, Rahm Emanuel put the word out that any liberals caught acting like liberals on camera would be deported. Nancy Pelosi was sent to China to shut her up.

This is important because Presidents can either shape a generation or fade away. John F. Kennedy created  a generation of Democrats, while Ronald Reagan created a generation of Republicans. Other Presidents such as Bill Clinton and George Herbert Walker Bush, did their jobs, and faded away (Clinton refuses to go away, but from a historical perspective he is peripheral.).

Ronald Reagan was so important and liked that he got his successor elected. Not even the popular Dwight Eisenhower could pull that one off.

Barack Obama will either serve four or eight years. Yet does anybody think Joe Biden will inspire aybody outside of his own family. Barack Obama is already treating him like the Court Jester in the room.

Barack Obama is a once in a generation politician, but despite the lofty and bold rhetoric, he is a cautious and timid man when it comes to advancing his beliefs. Some say Clinton wanted to “be” president moe than he wanted to “do” the work. Barack Obama may not be that callow, but he is not a Kennedy or Reagan that fights with determination.

Yes, it is early. Yet Mr. Obama seems to be famous for being famous. In this sense he is no different from Zsa Zsa Gabor or Arianna Huffington.

He does not seem to want to do the heavy lifting. He is letting Congress do the heavy lifting, so that if they screw it up (and with the Pelosiraptor in power, they will), he leaves no fingerprints.

Mr. Obama is likable, but at some point people are going to want some meat on the bones. I am amazed that he got elected without having to offer anything tangible. Times are tough, and people wanted change.

Yet at some point, and that point is rapidly approaching, people are going to say, “I like you, but are you going to get anything done?”

All throughout the world, leftist policies are failing. The Europe that Mr. Obama admires is collapsing. Europe knows it is one more leftist weakling away from being a Caliphate. The backlash has happened. Europeans are tired of foreigners that would rather destroy their societies rather than integrate. They are not interested in being hospitable to scum, as Nicolas Sarkozy referred to rioters in France a couple of years back.

President Obama has blamed his predecessor long enough. Problems are happening on his watch, such as North Korea kidnapping American citizens.

The only thin Barack Obama should be judged on is whether or not he can get the job done. With Nancy Pelosi on his side, he most likely cannot.

Republicans get kicked out of office for acting like Democrats. Then Democrats act like Democrats, and people turn back to the Republicans.

My only worry is that Republicans will get elected and act like Democrats again, but that is for another time.

For now, Barack Obama is well on his way to leaving behind a coalition that will last a generation. Unfortunately for him, unless Joe Biden turns into somebody else, it will be the Republicans enjoying a generation of power, only weeks after the pundits incorrectly for the billionth time declared their demise.

President Obama is one man. There is no thriving liberal movement anywhere of significance in the world today.


The Knesset Gets Bold

Thursday, June 11th, 2009

The Israeli Knesset just voted on an explosive new resolution.

Hardliners like myself are cheering, even though I know that this is only symbolic policy that will never become law. I know that I am constantly criticizing symbolism over substance, and that saying is not doing, but at least I have a ray of hope that Israelis have had enough.

Israel has voted on a resolution to give Palestinians their own homeland…in Jordan.

53 out of 120 members of the Knesset voted for this resolution. I am sure that many would have voted against it had it actually had a chance to pass, but 53 is still a staggering number.

This has angered Jordan, as if that should actually matter.

Jordan was supposed to be part of Israel. Israel was not created out of the Holocaust. It was not even created out of the Balfour Declaration, although that is a more reasonable starting point.

Israel goes back thousands of years, before any Arabs or their defective cousins known as Palesimians ever existed.

Now Israel is uttering the phrase that finally tells me Israel has had it with these defective Arab misfits that support terrorism. Israel is pointing out that Palestinians are not a separate party like Norwegians would be. Palestinians are Arabs. The West Bank Arabs are Jordanians.

New Yorkers often flee to Florida for better weather and lower taxes. Yet they are still New Yorkers. They can call themselves Nebraskans but that would be completely false.

There is no Palestine on the map. The Palestinians are not Israelis. They are Arabs.. Therefore, they should live with their brothers. Those who object can say something as soon as Jews are allowed to live in Arab countries without being murdered for being Jewish.

There are 22 Arab states, and now they want a 23rd one. Israel owns 80% of one Jewish state, since 20% of the population are Israeli Arabs. Make no mistake that they are Arabs first.

This matters because Jordan murdered one million Palestinians. They drove them out. They should take them back. The United States should provide relocation assistance and ensure that it is not spent to buy guns and bombs.

Some say that it is wrong to drive people from where they live. Yet if somebody escapes from a looney bin and breaks into your house, you have every right to return them to the looney bin. Now that is a right of return I could embrace.

They are Jordanians. Besides, they are not being driven from anywhere they want to be. They want all of Israel. They want the Jews driven into the sea. If they wanted a homeland, they would not have attacked in 1948, 1956, 1967 (Israel technically attacked first, but the Arabs were about to), 1973 (On Yom Kippur, b@stards that they are), 1982, and pretty much every other day that ends in the letters d, a, and y.

At some point it has to be acknowledged that the Palesimians deserve the misery they face. They brought it upon themselves.

Finally the Israeli government has decided to stop responding to Palesimian terrorism by groveling and begging for more terror.

There is no political or diplomatic solution with these savages. The only solution is overwhelming brute force.

This action will not provoke world war because it will not become law.

Yet psychologically, Israelis have finally accepted that Palesimians believe in peace as much as vegetarians believe in cattle ranches.

Israelis want Palesimians to shut up and go back to where they came from.

That would be Jordan.